Top Chef 12/17/15--"It's a Dry Heat" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone traveled to Santa Barbara to cook with sea urchins and drink wine. We saw the return of the “Sudden Death” Quickfire, which is a waste of time because although Giselle lost the Quickfire she was fine. Grayson won the Quickfire so she had immunity, meaning we didn't have to listen to her complain about things. Mostly. The Elimination challenge at first involved cooking in pairs to make surf and turf, then in a twist everyone had to cook head-to-head, one surf and one turf. Kwame won and was kind of shocked, which was cute. Frances lost, apparently because she had too much on the plate? It wasn't super clear. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 12, 12-11-15

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Instructions Are Really Just Suggestions Until You Receive Time Penalties, 4 teams raced from India to Hong Kong and Macau. Teams were fairly even until Justin and Diana made some major errors that put them behind. But as fate would have it, the Cheerleaders can’t seem to open their eyes underwater, and the Green Team survives nearly an hour’s worth of time penalties to make the final three, causing the elimination of Tiffany and Krista. This leaves us with three teams: Justin and Diana, who made a fake Amazing Race and became engaged, and struggled on leg 1 but managed to win seven legs so far; Kelsey and Joey, the reporters who had a not so secret alliance with the Green Team, but managed to finish in second place a record five times; and Logan and Chris, the paparazzi who can’t stop sniping at each other. Who will win the Amazing Race 27? (click for more)

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Top Chef 12/10/15--"Spines and Vines" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the chefs had to do pop-ups with various “ethnic” cuisines. “Vegan” counts apparently. There was little drama in terms of people getting bossy or failing at getting food out of the kitchen. Marjorie won for making a Persian dessert so good the owner of the restaurant is going to put it on the menu. Despite Grayson's constant bitching that she couldn't use any meat in her dish, Renee's stuffed beets were deemed worse and Renee was sent home. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 11, 12-4-15

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on U-Turns Are Great Fun, 5 teams continued to race through Agra, India. There were balloons. Justin and Diana U-Turned the paparazzi who managed to do both Detours and still check in before Denise and James Earl, who were eliminated. Oh, and Justin and Diana racked up their seventh win. Ugh. Someone needs to take him down a peg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Top Chef 12/3/15--"Pop Up Pandemonium" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Bravo made new graphics for this season, all “surfer” and “California” and whatever, and I don't like them. 17 contestants start out this season, with one returning contestant, Grayson. They didn't make a big deal about it which was nice. Grayson was on the Texas season, and was the one woman who was nice to Beverly, and basically didn't take shit from anyone. She also did talk back to the judges some, so her defiance at Judges' Table was expected. The Elimination challenge was to make a dish for a festival or something. You can make anything you want. Wesley was dirty and Grayson was boring. Jeremy won with a clean simple crudo, and Garret was sent home for being inconsistent, apparently. (click for more)

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Top Chef 12/2/15--"Stop the Presses" summary

I feel like this show hasn't been on in ages. Right? And I actually like this show. This season is “California”, meaning they're going to drive around a bunch for no reason. Whatever, I'm still excited. Mainly because I actually LIKE this show. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 10, 11-27-15

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Don’t Mind Me While I Shave This Guy For Two Hours, Y’all Keep Racing, 6 teams raced from Poland to India. Team Texas was slapped with the first Speed Bump of the Race, and for the first time ever, the task was for both people to do the Roadblock. Justin Diana excelled, blah blah blah, came in first AGAIN, but the Texas boys got U-Turned and eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next?

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 9, 11-20-15

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Stop Playing Mister Hot Boy And RACE!, 6 teams raced from Rotterdam to Kraków, Poland. The Texans couldn’t find a cab and it slowed them down, while Justin and Diana worked their way up. Alabama played piano, the Paparazzi argued, so nothing new there. Justin and Diana win their fifth leg, and Tanner and Josh end up in last but find out that the leg is non-elimination. Who will be eliminated. . . next?

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 8, 11-13-15

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on The French Totally Call Amsterdam Rotterdam and Pronounce the Number Nine as One, 7 teams left the mat in Paris immediately to start traipsing through the Netherlands. Inexplicably, the Cheerleaders take the lead at one point, but other than that, it’s the usual Justin and Diana bickering and Paparazzi making ridiculous decisions. Justin and Diana win their fourth leg, and Chac Attack make one too many mistakes, landing them in last place and eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 11/12/15--"Reunion" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Ashley won, and I discovered just how cynical I am about this whole enterprise. (Answer: very.) ALSO Tim Gunn gave an interview where he said he hated this season because no one “wanted it” enough and surely this is all because he didn't go to auditions. Had he only gone to auditions, he's so awesome that only people that really want it and aren't duds would have been cast. Please. You cast a bunch of boring people and when they didn't have enough drama you were a dick to everyone during the “real woman” challenge and then everyone was like “oh these designers are terrible! Tim had to yell at them!” Plus the first three or four designers took your advice and that advice directly caused their eliminations! Also when pressed for who didn't “want it” enough Tim could only name Swapnil. Who got a lot of support because Tim was a total unprofessional jerk to him. Anyway this reunion should be a shitshow. I don't know when it was taped but you know it will be. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 7, 11-6-15

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on I Can’t Read Or Speak French So Hopefully Someone Tells Me Where I’m Going, 7 teams raced from Zimbabwe to France. There were multiple daredevil Roadblocks, Justin continued to annoy everyone he met, including his own partner (FREE DIANA!) and Logan and Chris can’t seem to do anything right. Luckily, neither can other teams, like Alabama, who get lost heading to a Detour and instead go to the other, where Denise can’t rap to save her life. They drop from first to worst, but luckily, the leg is non-elimination and teams are told to keep racing! Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 11/5/15--"Finale Part 2" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Edmond got saved, because of course, so now there are four finalists. They did not eliminate anyone so last episode was two hours of pointlessness. Because everyone realized that if you allow the judges to give “feedback” then you can deny people the prize because they didn't listen to whatever nonsense the judges say. Like, say, Kelly doing sportswear and the judges wanting it to be more luxe and then Edmond is too “polished” and not sexy enough. It's dumb. Anyway what you need to know is everyone made another look in a day and Edmond showed up with an entire outfit not even started, plus two that needed more work, then the “surprise” challenge. Ashley is making a plus-size collection. That's basically it. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 6, 10-30-15

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on No, Seriously, Read the Clue, 8 teams raced through Zimbabwe. The Express Pass went to Team Alabama, who had an amazing leg as a result. Texas and Team Proposal continued to battle it out as the fiercest competitors ever. Paparazzi can’t seem to figure out how to race, from following Chac Attack around and ending up in last place, to waiting in line at a Detour in which only one team gets to complete the task at a time. But the blue ribbon goes to the Track Stars Jazmine and Danielle, who continue to read clues wrong, and make a mistake that puts them at the back of the pack again and eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/29/15--"Finale Part 1" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the final four went to LA to make a “red carpet” outfit. Which red carpet was not specified which is partially how Kelly won with a skintight jumpsuit with a triangular naval cutout. Edmond's design was also more MTV VMA's than Oscars but it was also terribly made I guess. Even though Ashley's wasn't that great. Anyway, Edmond was eliminated but they very carefully did not show him interviewing about how much he learned from the show, nor did they show Tim telling him to clean up his workspace. So clearly he is Saved. Why did they not show this first? Did Lifetime think we'd be fooled? Or care? I don't know. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 5, 10-23-15

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Zambia and Zimbabwe Really Are Two Different Countries, 8 teams raced from Argentina to Zambia and then on to Zimbabwe. Texas comes up with a U-Turn plan, and promises the Express Pass to the Reporters if they U-Turn Justin and Diana. Actually, everyone seems to be ready to U-turn Justin and Diana, and in anticipation, Texas uses their Express Pass on the Roadblock in order to give them a head start on the Detour. Which would have been great, except teams are forced to stay overnight at a lodge and take departure times, of which the first teams to leave are Tanner and Josh and Justin and Diana. So, it’s a mad race through the Detour to the U-Turn, and Justin and Diana get there first and U-Turn. . . no one. LAME. But then they get no prize at the mat, donate all their money to an orphanage, and are told to KEEP RACING. Tanner and Josh arrive, and we leave the episode with their decision of who to give the Express Pass to. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/22/15--"Roll Out the Red Carpet" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone had to make an “avant-garde” outfit inspired by bridges and using 3D printing. I guess this replaces the “make your own print” challenge? It's too bad because I liked that challenge. Also this show and “avant-garde” don't really go together but whatever. Merline made a skirt that had been made more than once on this very show (Kini I think most recently) and no one said anything to her about it until the runway. Ashley is still exhausted and she never seems sure of herself. Kelly made a literal bridge/skirt/pannier thing and she won. I don't care because it had a weird silhouette and that's the fastest way to be “avant-garde” but I could have done without everyone praising her imagination. Merline was finally sent home because her outfit was “too boring” to compensate for her crap construction. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 4, 10-16-15

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Racially Insensitive Shouting Will Get You Second Place, 9 teams continued racing through Argentina. Apparently the editors want us to care about the rivalry of Justin and Diana and the Texans STILL. I have a feeling that this will. Never. END. Anyway, the Texans hatch their plan to give away their Express Pass to whomever U-Turns Andy Samberg’s look-alike. Denise yells at her son. A lot. (FREE JAMES EARL!) And Ernest and Jin can’t overcome their time deficit and end up being eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/15/15--"The Runway's in 3D!" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the Real Woman challenge was basically a disaster since most of the clothes were ugly and these women did not really want makeovers. A makeover means you want to CHANGE your look. So the winner was a pair of cropped eggplant pleather overalls...for a woman who loves overalls. Seriously. That was Kelly. Since the designers are not about to help out with any drama Tim and the women brought some by being really picky and in Tim's case, bitching about everyone ignoring the clients after he told all of them they couldn't blame the clients for their shitty outfits. It was really bad and Swapnil got the brunt of it. Yeah he technically had an outfit done for Tim Time but after a full day he didn't have it sewn together enough for someone to try it on and that IS bullshit. A full day. But his client also hated everything he did and Tim was an ass to him, more than he deserved, and then Swapnil got sent home. Plus everyone was all “Oh we're such assholes to you because we CARE and you're so TALENTED!” which is a disappointed parent move and so obnoxious. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 3, 10-9-15

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on I Flew to South America, and All I Got Was Two Legs, 10 teams raced from Brazil to Argentina. Apparently the editors want us to care about the rivalry of Justin and Diana and the Texans. Woo. Anyway, there’s lots of cleaning and people getting injured, particularly Tanner as he is trying to finish second at a Pit Stop. In the end, Justin and Diana finish first and Alex and Adam are out. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/8/15--"Crew's All In" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: it's time to design for the accessory wall sponsor and make clothes that can be sold to regular people. There are some “themes” which actually don't matter that much. It's not like the winner and loser were chosen because of adherence to the theme. Anyway Ashley made a really cute jacket/crop top/skirt combo but I think the jacket is too expensive to make so the judges yell at her for not defending it enough or some shit and pick Edmond as the winner. He made a perfectly fine dress, and it's a ready-to-wear challenge, essentially, so it's not like anything high fashion is going to win. Swapnil made a hot mess, as did Merline. Except Merline had good “ideas” or some shit to counteract her crap construction. And then they send Laurie home for her hot mess, which I'm fine with because it was a hot mess. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 2, 10-2-15

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on We Have No Money For Cool Transportation, So Just Run to the Starting Line, 11 teams started Amazing Race 27. Justin and Diana took an early lead in front of Tanner and Josh, the Texas Boys, and immediately set up our first feud of the Race. Team Race Proposal then got on the first flight to Rio, went for the Fast Forward, and dropped position due to the weather conditions. Texas then took first to win the Express Pass, and Team TMZ was eliminated after spending almost four hours at the Detour. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/1/15--"Make It Sell" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the designers are asked to be inspired by the musical “Finding Neverland”. They actually go to Mood, which I heard never happens because they're not at Parsons anymore, so it takes too much time to go across town to Mood every other day or whatever. Candice made a leather bustier and a coat out of black fabric with roses and she won. Lindsey made a boring outfit and was sent home. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 1, 9-25-15

Welcome to Leg 1 of The Amazing Race 27! When we join Phil, he’s hanging out on Venice Pier of Venice Beach in California. So, you know, Los Angeles. As usual. We find out that this is the starting line for the race, so we welcome the eleven teams as they arrive by. . . running down the beach. Ugh. Whatever happened to crazy wacky methods of arrival, TAR? (Toyouke: “Seriously, you couldn't spring for a bus? This is not the way to win back that Emmy. I bet 'The Voice' can afford a bus.”) Whatever. So the eleven teams are: (click for more)

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Project Runway 9/24/15--"Broadway or Bust" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: we had ANOTHER unconventional materials challenge, this time with old electronics. Making clothes with old keyboards does not “merge technology and fashion” but you keep on telling yourself that. Jake quit the competition to go home and take care of his dog, which was really sad, actually. Ashley made an awesome dress out of old Polaroids that she messed up to make a print, but she lost to Kelly's silver dress made from cut up ductwork. It was cooler than that sentence makes it sound. Despite Lindsey's making a dress out of CD case slips, Joseph was sent home. He finally made something that wasn't matronly but it was a terrible dress made from mouse pads and wires. Also I found out that the collections shown at Fashion Week did not have designers attached to them, as in we technically don't know who belongs to which collection. HOWEVER there were six of them and at least half are obvious as to who made them. (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap Leg 0, 9-21-15

Welcome back to the Amazing Race! It’s season number twenty-seven, and it promises to be just as exciting as ever, complete with surprises, U-Turns, and hashtags (Toyouke: “I HATE that the twitter hashtags are basically the nicknames everyone wants us to use. HHAAAAAATTTTEEEE. You can't make up your own nickname!”) Don’t worry, I’ll still come up with my own, subject to change once we get started. The eleven teams for TAR27 are: (click for more)

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TAR 27 Recap BONUS, 9-21-15

Welcome to Leg . . . well, now, we don’t have The Amazing Race to enjoy right now, do we? So, we (Toyouke, me, and the rest of us) were realizing that we hadn’t spent any time recently ranking anything in the history of The Amazing Race, and figured it might be about that time again. And as we were deciding on a topic, we realized that we had enough seasons, so why not rank the best seasons ever? As a result, here are our picks for the 11 most memorable TAR Seasons EVER. (click for more)

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Project Runway 9/17/15--"Haute Tech Couture" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone had to make lingerie and it was all pretty boring. I mean, there are only so many things you can do with a bra and panties, especially when you're given a bra to work with. But also ONCE AGAIN they did not go to Mood. Why, Lifetime? Did Mood tell you to GTFO? It's so confusing. Anyway, Merline made a whole new bra, which had zero support, but somehow still won. Blake went home for making a tacky hot pink bra, also with zero support. Listen, I know people win and go home for dumb reasons that have nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with whatever story the producers decide on. But I don't think it's too much to ask that you don't say “This look wins even though it wouldn't work on all body types” and then five seconds later say “This look loses because it doesn't work on all body types.” I think you can manage not to contradict yourself in the same challenge. (click for more)

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Project Runway 9/10/15--"Lace to the Finish" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: there was paintball and also teams and then also some drama about the teams that I'm sure was encouraged by production. Ashley got picked last, and then her team had all picked their friends and they had no concept of what to do (I mean they just had to make a collection that went together, that was it). The boys (and Merline) did really well, actually. The judges encouraged Ashley to be sad about being picked last instead of saying how she should have done really well and shown all of those dumb girls. But whatever. Edmond won, although Swapnil should have won. Amanda finally went home. (click for more)

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Project Runway 9/3/15--"Gunn and Heid" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the producers decided to have a challenge that was as vague as possible. Update a “classic” piece, using New York as inspiration, and get a Mary Kay consult. It was pretty lame, but then the producers completely ignored the inspiration part, because it's so vague, and then they decided Blake should win so he did, even though his dress was so poorly made I thought it had ruffles, when really it was just really, really puckered. And then they decided not to even pretend anymore and acknowledged it was poorly made, but somehow a butt cape is just so innovative they overlooked everything. Then Gabrielle went home. And I thought I stopped caring about this show, but here I am all mad about it. It would be great if all this nonsense just elicited an eye roll instead of yelling at the TV. (click for more)

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Project Runway 8/27/15--"Fashion Flip" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the designers were forced to pair up and make resort wear. It was also supposed to be “day-to-evening” but no one did that and the judges didn't seem to care very much. Apparently Lifetime thinks all gay men should be bitchy high-strung divas because all of a sudden they all were obnoxious. I mean in addition to Blake. Why can't we have another Nick? Danny V? Robert Best? Emmett? I think the most recent was Anthony. Anyway, Ashley and Candice won even though their capelet jacket thing was in a horrible ugly floral fabric (oh yeah, they gave everyone fabric and a lot of it was ugly). Hanmiao refused to work with Edmond, and although in the end they were both annoying, she told him to shut up several times and didn't seem to realize that he had immunity so maybe she should worry about what was happening. So Hanmiao went home which is too bad because I feel like she could have been interesting. (click for more)

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Project Runway 8/20/15--"Shut Up and Sew" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the unconventional materials challenge happened and it was about greeting cards. Edmond made a dress that looked like anything Leanne would have made for her finale collection (also no one can figure out where he got such big pieces of paper) and he won. Blake was in the top even though he just took a muslin dress and covered it in glitter. But he is full of drama so I'm sure he'll be around for a while. David made a giant hoodie out of fabric and didn't use glitter so he is out. (click for more)

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Project Runway 8/13/15--"It's All in the Cards" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: a new season! New contestants! Same ol' “run around and grab fabric and then show us who you are” challenge! So everyone ran around and grabbed the fabric laid out for them, which was really ugly for the most part. Ashley, who is a big girl and has a good eye for clothes that could scale up, won with cute separates. Duncan draped a Barbie pink “gown” that was shiny and that Tim praised for some reason. But it was terrible and he was sent home. Meanwhile Blake and Merline are kind of annoying and most other people are just there so far. (click for more)

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Project Runway 8/6/15--"Mad Dash Mayhem" summary

Previously on Project Runway: You guys, one of the producers of this show said this season was “fucking nuts” but also that somehow it was “fun”. Does that sound like fun to you? Because no. However we seem to already be at 16 people so I wonder if they’re doing that thing where they bring some people and eliminate them in the first 15 minutes. Maybe? Then we can get down to a reasonable number? Who am I kidding, they would never do anything reasonable. (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 12, 5/15/15

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Seriously Isn’t This Season Over Yet?, teams continued to race through Peru.  Mike and Rochelle finished last and found themselves. . . not eliminated?  Yes that’s right folks, the final 3 is once again the final 4!  But the leg starts NOW!   And in the end one of these four teams will be eliminated part way through the leg: Hayley and Blair, the blind dating doctors in which Hayley can’t seem to shut up and Blair can’t seem to be anything but snarky about it; Mike and Rochelle, the most improbable of the previously dating couples to even still be in the race at this point; Jelani and Jenny, the blind dating lawyers who are fairly cordial with each other, but fall apart when Jenny unleashes her inner tiger mom; and Laura and Tyler, the blind dating couple that actually likes looking at each other since they are quite sexy.  Who will win The Amazing Race 26? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 11, 5/8/15

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Fitbit Fitbit Fitbit Fitbit Fitbit, teams raced from the Netherlands to Peru.  Somehow, Hayley and Blair not only got along, but succeeded at beating all the other teams, while Laura and Tyler started to fall apart.  But Matt and Ashley weren’t able to make up their deficit and were eliminated.   Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 10, 5/1/15

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Hottubbing in Below Freezing Temperatures Sounds Like Fun, five teams raced from Namibia to the Netherlands.  The Hairstylists fell behind at the Roadblock.  Hayley and Blair bickered.  Laura and Tyler got first again.  So blah blah blah business as usual.  And Matt and Ashley were last, but not eliminated.   Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 9, 4/24/15

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on We Are Africa, the One and Only Africa!, teams continued to race through Namibia.  Hayley played with kids, which kept her distracted from Blair.  Laura and Tyler and Matt and Ashley battled for first place, which led to Laura and Tyler winning.  A double U-Turn affected Jelani and Jenny, even with the Express Pass, and Aly and Steve, which led to their elimination.   Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 8, 4/17/15

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on I Don’t Know Where Namibia Is, teams flew from France to Namibia.  There was much interaction with local tribes and animals, and a REALLY long drive to the Pit Stop.  Since there isn’t much to do in Namibia, there weren’t that many placement changes, except that the Olympians started to fall apart in the most civilized way possible, ended up last at the mat, but were saved by nonelimination.   Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 7, 4/17/15

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Dressed Up With Nowhere to Go, teams raced through the tiny country of Monaco.  Somehow all the girls had to pick up flowers and candy for their men, and no one got to choose their own Detour because reasons.  All the teams seemed to be rushing to the Pit Stop simultaneously that ended in a surprise win for the ever dysfunctional Hayley and Blair, and an elimination for the only team that this stupid gimmick was actually working for, Jeff and Jackie.   Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 6, 4/10/15

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Let’s Wear Lederhosen For No Apparent Reason!, teams raced from Thailand to Munich, Germany.  Bergen and Kurt continue to fall apart, while other teams appear to be functional.  Well, except Hayley and Blair who need a prescription for new partners.  At any rate, it’s the Olympians who make their way to first and win 2 Ford Foci for their efforts, and Kurt’s ridiculous decision to continue forward without the provided car the led to his team’s elimination and breakup.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 5, 4/3/15

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Wait, When Was the Last Episode of This Show?, teams raced from Phuket to Bangkok, Thailand.  The blind date teams started to fall apart, and Rochelle managed to beat the boys at a mechanics Roadblock.  Bergen and Kurt somehow end up in first, while Matt and Ashley get hopelessly lost.  Thankfully, this was still not enough for Harley and Jonathan to catch up, and they were eliminated.  Please don’t go, girl!  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 3/13/15--"The Nerdtastic Finale" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams were disbanded and the nerds had to compete individually. The Nerd War was a game where you get a category and take turns naming items in the category, but with nerd subjects ranging from the drivers in Mario Kart 8 to elements of the periodic table. Ben somehow managed to do really well and win immunity. Lily and Amanda were the worst, and had to battle for immediate elimination. Amanda lost. The Nerd-Off was a game of Stratego, and it ended up being Raychelle and Lily. Lily is the weakest player in the house, but it turns out she plays Stratego a lot so she managed to win. Eh. Then all the eliminated contestants came back because the finale involves voting and popularity for some reason. (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 4, 3/13/15

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on At Least the Airport Drama Was Interesting, teams raced from Japan to Phuket. Plane tickets were hard to come by, and Harley and Jonathan ended up half a day behind everyone else. Well they would have been, if the other teams hadn’t found HoH and a bed and breakfast waiting for them. After ziplining with food, teams dressed up for a drag show. Cue a LOT of overcompensating complaining from some of the men, especially Tyler. At the Pit Stop, Matt proposed to Ashley in front of pretty much everyone. Harley and Jonathan did end up in last, but were saved by the first non-elimination leg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 3/6/15--"Invasion of the Nerd Snatchers" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: Jonathan missed Heather so much he decided to volunteer as tribute if Team SMASH lost the Nerd War, which ended up being about forensics and crime scene science. SMASH lost, partially due to a failure to read directions which is sad. The “suspects” in this crime were all classic horror movie monsters, so Lily got the idea that the Nerd-Off would be about classic horror movies. Amanda knows classic horror, so then Lily took it upon herself to get Amanda to volunteer instead of Jonathan. I’m a little suspicious of Lily’s motives here, because it seemed like a lot of work on her part just to get rid of Colby. Everyone listened to her, which is dumb, but it worked in their favor because they DID have to know classic horror movies for the Nerd-Off. And then Colby was eliminated and it was a sad time. (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 3, 3/6/15

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on One of These Days, YDCs Might Be Interesting, teams raced to Nagano, Japan.  Bergen and Kurt argued, while Rochelle hurt herself being pushed on ice in a chair.  The blind dating couples continued to excel, which led to the elimination of Libby and CJ, so they can go argue about not being married somewhere else.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 2, 2/27/15

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Fake Samurai Hanging Out in Sake Bars, 11 teams of YDCs raced from California to Tokyo, Japan.  Apparently we needed to be reminded that five of the couples don’t even know each other.  There is dancing and sake drinking for the bulk of a ninety minute episode, and a Double U-Turn that really meant very little in the end.  The Lawyers got the Express Pass, and Jeff and Lyda, the old couple, were eliminated for not Bald Snarking a Detour when they should have.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 1, 2/25/15

Welcome to Leg 1! Welcome to The Amazing Race: YDC Edition!  This time around, the producers have found six dating couples that have been going out from anywhere from 7 months to 10 years, as well as 10 singles who will be paired into five blind date teams to round out the cast.  The show begins with a montage of all the “wonderful” couples we’ve gotten to know over the years.  (Toyouke: “Wow, thanks for this montage reminding me of how much I hate YDCs generally.  The more you tell me how awesome this idea is, the more I hate it and assume you KNOW it sucks and are trying to ram it down my throat anyway.”)  Anyway, instead of having the teams arrive in some wacky manner, they just have them standing ready to go.  Or at least the six dating couples and half of the singles.  How boring, TAR producers.  So the eleven teams are: (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 2/27/15--"Murder at Nerdvana!?" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: we had party games that were actually kind of fun. Hooloovoo won, which seemed lame but whatever. The secret alliance knew someone would have to be in the Nerd-Off because there are not enough other people left, but then Heather was all “Oh, I could never choose between Amanda and Jonathan! You guys choose!” And then she went right over to the other team to tell them to vote for Jonathan. When he found out he flipped on his alliance (along with Raychelle) and brought Kaitlin into his plans. Kaitlin got her team to vote for Heather, meaning she got Lily and Ben to ignore the girls. Heather went up against Colby (of course he got voted in because he could win this whole thing) and then Heather lost so now she’s gone! Yay! (click for more)

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TAR26, Recap Leg 0, 2/25/15

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  Season twenty-six brings us The Amazing Race: YDC Edition.  All of the teams are in the dating process. Toyouke, on board as always, with her two cents.  (Toyouke: “I make no guarantees about being able to finish this carnival of nonsense.  I am watching the general "Meet the Cast" video and I can't find anyone that I even sort of can tolerate. I already hate all these people.“)  The eleven teams for TAR26 are: (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 2/20/15--"Nuclear Nerd Games" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams had to make up songs about being nerds. This season actually wasn’t as painful as previous seasons have been. Colby knows how to rap and I thought Team SMASH did really well. However when guest judge Moby was obnoxious Heather yelled at him which was probably a stupid move. Or they wanted to keep the teams even. Team Hooloovoo won.  Kaitlin approached Jonathan about having a cross-teams alliance, because Amanda, Ben, and Lily suck ass at keeping their secret alliance a secret. Jonathan told Kaitlin that she and Raychelle could team up with him and Colby, and then he would have an alliance with every single person playing this game. No one mentioned how Raychelle reacted to being put in this situation, or if Kaitlin even mentioned to her that she was apparently double crossing the secret alliance. SMASH voted for Ori, and Hooloovoo voted for Colby. Ori even voted for himself which was weird. The Nerd-Off involved putting busts of scientists in order by birthdate so of course Colby won. Bye Ori. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 2/19/15--"Season 4 Reunion" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: Dmitry won, which means that he’s now won this show twice which is ridiculous. Past winners should be banned from all All-Stars seasons of anything. You already won. Go do something with your winnings or whatever. In other news, I thought the season was finally over but no! We have to have a reunion! At least it’s only an hour. (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 2/14/15--"Do They Choose Wisely...Or Poorly?" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams had to make cardboard boats and then solve geometry problems. Team SMASH did really well at this, even though Ori continued to be useless. Team Hooloovoo told Todd he would be up for elimination if they lost, and then made good on that. Todd totally lost it and yelled at Lily, which made everyone decide he needed to go. Especially Heather, who got on her moral high horse about how he was a terrible person for making someone else feel bad. Except for the part where she yelled at Ori during the challenge and literally slapped his hands away. That’s totally different. Todd and Kaitlin went to the Nerd-Off, which was about mythology, and Todd stunk it up so badly that I think he threw the challenge. I saw an interview with him where he said he went off on Lily for fully twenty minutes, which means that Kaitlin left right away and then didn’t get anyone? Everyone took their time showing up? Not sure. He also says part of it was to try to convince people that they should vote for Lily instead of for him. I guess he was trying to change people’s minds, and was mad to boot, so he thought it would work? To his credit he fully admits it did not work and he was a dick. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 2/12/15--"Four Seasons in One Finale" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: a bunch of stuff happened. Everyone had to make a red carpet gown and it was supposed to be memorable. They said “remembered for years to come” and some people heard “timeless” while some heard “memorable”. Helen talked and talked about how great she was, but then her dress was boring and terrible. Also there was some BS with dogs. Dmitry made an art deco dress with fringe that was awesome so he won. Then Helen and Michelle were the bottom, but I guess Helen’s dressed sucked so horribly they had to make up one of those stupid “last minute challenges” where you tear up other clothes to make something in an hour. Helen fake cried about ripping up other people’s work, but then she made a black dress and the judges fell over themselves to praise it so she survived and Michelle went home. Because Helen didn’t make the finale her season so clearly she has to make it now. At least this show is over tonight. (click for more)

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Top Chef 2/11/15--"Mano a Mano" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire had the three finalists running around a farm and making both a savory and a sweet dish with chocolate. Doug had no idea what to do with his dessert and just melted some chocolate and put it in a bowl. Sigh. Gregory won with sweet carrots, and got the advantage to pick his sous chef first for the Elimination challenge. It’s a weird prize since it’s pretty unlikely there would be a fight about sous chefs. The Elimination challenge involved Mexican “delicacies” such as avocado and corn smut. Doug just stood around and didn’t get it together in time, leaving him with queso and ant eggs. Oops. Gregory made wonderful dishes with guava and poblano, so he is in the finale. Mei made a great dish out of corn fungus but then made guacamole. It seemed bleak, especially since Doug made decent dishes out of his weird stuff, but then he was sent home so Mei could make the finale. I hate that this show is suddenly showing all the signs of producer-chosen outcomes. NOT a spoiler, but I feel like Mei is going to win since they’ve shown so many interviews with her talking about how there should be another female winner. (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 2/6/15--"The Gods Are Angry" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the cosplay competition involved also making up a story with a good moral. Lily (and clearly the rest of her team) felt that she would be so great with the costumes that their story and acting didn’t have to be that great. Team SMASH knew they’d have crap costumes, so they worked very hard on their story. And then they won, causing Lily to cry and then be a brat when people tried to stop her crying. The secret girls’ alliance brought in Ben and Jonathan, mostly because Jonathan had his own idea for a cross-teams alliance and went looking for people to join him. This alliance sent Kaitlin to the Nerd-Off as Team SMASH’s vote. Team Hooloovoo sent Thomas, and never really explained why or what that reasoning was. At least Kaitlin is clearly a threat. The Nerd-Off involved answering riddles and Kaitlin was better, so Thomas was sent home. (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 1/30/15--"And Now for Something Different" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the nerds all met each other and were placed into teams. Then they were given 24 hours to make a steampunk Rube Goldberg machine to reveal their team flag and name. Team SMASH melted a wire and had some cool stuff, but Team Hooloovoo made up a whole story and lifted their flag instead of dropping it, which was much more impressive, so they won. Team SMASH quickly decided to send Ori to the Nerd-Off, because he is immature and useless. All the girls in Nerdvana (except Kaitlin for some reason) made an alliance and worked to nominate only boys. Team Hooloovoo nominated Jacob, which was a shock to everyone, and as far as I can tell was only done to create chaos and freak everyone out. Jacob can keep the team together while Ori cannot. Sadly Ori won the Nerd-Off, a trivia/destruction game about anime and manga. Jacob was the first one eliminated. (click for more)

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King of the Nerds 1/23/15--"Judgment Day" summary

I have been watching this show since it started, in the hopes it would fill the void left by “Beauty and the Geek”. It sort of does, but without condescending hot people so that’s good right? I like that they cast a wide variety of nerds, from comic book geeks to NASA scientists. And the challenges are cool. (I’m a little behind, so recaps will come more often at first until I can catch up, and then it’ll be once a week as usual.) (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 2/5/15--"Some Like It Hot Dog" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: make bridesmaids gowns for some woman who was buying her wedding gown at Marchesa. Not the most exciting challenge, plus you supposedly have to be able to wear this thing again which we all know never happens. Helen won, even though her dress was really boring. But I guess boring means you can wear it again. Fabio had a jacked-up hem and I guess picked the wrong fabric and he was sent home. Sad times. (click for more)

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Top Chef 2/4/15--"Holy Escamoly!" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Doug rejoined the competition, because clearly he belongs in there more than George. The chefs have to make dishes with xoconostle, which is a special prickly pear fruit. Doug won that partially because he went vegetarian. The Elimination challenge was to make a dish that matched an artist’s visual style. Everyone magically got paired with an artist that created the same way they cook. In other words, I smell producer interference in the “random” artist assignments. Whatever, it’s not like one person got screwed, everyone did well. Doug won by making Texas chili, a simple dish that was perfect. Even though all the dishes were fantastic, Melissa was sent home. Aww, she really grew on me. Back in the beginning of the season I would forget she existed but she is really an excellent chef. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 1/29/15--"Always the Bridesmaid" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: the challenge was to make two looks. One ready-to-wear look made out of separates that you could sell on QVC and one “fashion forward” look that somehow goes with it. Sonjia won because she bought great fabrics and used them well. Jay made pants out of vinyl-covered wool and they were terrible so he was eliminated. Before the end of the thing Isaac told Fabio to stop screwing up. Maybe because he is supposed to win and they want him to at least sort of do well first? Who knows with this show? (click for more)

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Top Chef 1/28/15--"Getting Prickly in Mexico" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the final Quickfire involved beans, finally. I’ve been waiting for a bean challenge this whole time. So Mei wins, with her plan to get wasted on her trip to Napa that she won. Then the contestants must be innovative. Mei and Melissa got some interesting flavor combinations, and Melissa won which was kind of cool. Both girls went through to the finale. Gregory didn’t make anything innovative at all, and George screwed up his octopus, but then George went home which was unexpected. Gregory didn’t follow the challenge at all, but then again, George only showed up in the middle of the competition and I didn’t see him winning. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 1/22/15--"Versatile Tops and Bottoms" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: “avant garde” challenge based on the aquarium. Woo. Dmitry won, which was fine even though it was a thing he’d done several times before. At least Helen didn’t win with her terrible pillowcase with ruffles. I don’t know why that was in the top. Then it was time for Justin to go home so even though his dress wasn’t so terrible he was sent home. Ugh. (click for more)

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Top Chef 1/21/15--"The Final Battle of Bean Town" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was only one challenge: make an appetizer and an entrée using fresh shellfish. Oh and your sous chefs will be your family members. Oh and they are making the appetizer and you can’t touch it. OH and no elimination but if you win you go straight to the finale. They shouldn’t have said there wouldn’t be an elimination 5 minutes into the episode. I stopped caring. Anyway, Melissa managed to win because her mom is the best cook. At least that’s what I thought was the reason. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 1/15/15--"Sketching with Sharks" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: the producers tried to get on our good side with male models diving into pools while wearing speedos. Nice try, but they were only on TV for like, 5 minutes max and then I had to watch the show. Anyway, make a swimsuit and some kind of cover-up. It wasn’t that exciting, and then Justin won which was fine. His clothes were fine. Sam got eliminated even though her jumpsuit was pretty good. The suit was pretty terrible though. (click for more)

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Top Chef 1/14/15--"Sous Your Daddy!" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone made ramen, which was less exciting than I thought it would be. Probably because stupid Andy Cohen was there. Anyway, Melissa won a bunch of money which was cool. Then the chefs were asked to make dishes to honor Julia Child, which means cooking French food. Mei made duck a l’orange, but put her own spin on it, and won. Doug took a huge risk by roasting a whole lobe of foie gras but didn’t execute it properly and was eliminated. Sure there aren’t any villains left or people to root against, but that means every elimination sucks because you like everyone. (click for more)

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TAR25, Recap Leg 12, 12/19/14

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Why Do All the Detours Have To Be Blind This Season, teams continued to race through Manila in one of the most uninteresting legs ever.  Amy and Maya finished last and found themselves. . . not eliminated?  Yes that’s right folks, the final 3 is now the final 4!  But the leg starts NOW!   And in the end one of these four teams will be eliminated part way through the leg: Adam and Bethany, the surfers, who between them have three arms and still do more than I’d ever accomplish; Misti and Jim, the dentists who have won a Save that they never used and five of the eleven legs thus far; Brooke and Robbie, the dating wrestlers who struggled but provided that much needed sense of humor on the race; and Amy and Maya, the dessert scientists who are not the fastest team, but definitely the smartest and have survived multiple injuries and crashes.  Who will win The Amazing Race 25?(click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 1/8/15--"Making a Splash" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: we all had a nice two week break from this show. I enjoyed it very much. Anyway, before that everyone had to work in pairs to clothe people who met on match.com so they could go on their first dates. Cue a lot of whining about having to do menswear. Michelle got sick and whined about that. Fabio won, for making some good menswear. Yay Fabio! Then no one was eliminated which means that whole 90 minutes was pointless. (click for more)

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Top Chef 1/7/15--"For Julia and Jacques" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: It was so long ago! Right? OK, let’s try to remember. There was a sausage Quickfire which was only amusing for how much Padma flirted with a football player. George won, which was odd because he had just come back from being eliminated, and then suddenly he’s winning and getting immunity. Whatever. Then everyone was supposed to be inspired by New England authors, which isn’t a terrible theme for a challenge. George got Dr. Seuss which is awesome but he didn’t do anything crazy. The most disappointing. Mei won with a cool vegetarian dish, and Katsuji was eliminated for being gross and having blood spatters basically. To be fair, he got Stephen King and went for “Carrie” which makes sense. But Tom was all “THE MOST UNAPPETIZING DISH I HAVE EVER BEEN SERVED ON THIS SHOW” so that was that. (click for more)

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