Thursday, September 29, 2016

Project Runway 9/29/16--"Blacklight or Daylight?" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone acted like it was the “real women” challenge, except that everyone used their models instead of random women. They talked a big game about how everything was supposed to be flattering for all body types and all of that, but then the judges awarded the win to a jumpsuit with a giant keyhole in the back. A keyhole lined in orange. It was a vagina, is what I'm saying. I like Laurence but the average woman cannot wear an olive green silk jumpsuit that is only “a little” baggy. In other news Cornelius was very concerned with shittalking other people but no one seemed to be encouraging him. Linda was out for making a sad sheer kimono thing over a boring sweater dress. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 22, 2016

Project Runway 9/22/16--"Just Fabulous!" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the first episode of the show was an unconventional materials challenge. After 15 seasons of this show, people are still complaining that they don't use unconventional materials. You know it's coming. There was a minimum of drama, somehow. Erin won for making an all-yellow dress that was chic, I guess. Ian was out for doing a boring sheath dress with some fringe and then arguing about it. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 15, 2016

Project Runway 9/15/16--"An Unconventional Launch Party" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Our first plus-size collection won, and that designer has a line out at J.C. Penny. That's pretty much all you need to know. Full disclosure: I have shopped at J.C. Penny before, but I certainly don't assume I'm getting the height of fashion when I'm there. (click for more)
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Wednesday, September 14, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 9

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Tim was eliminated, but saved at the last minute by Derek and a “rules violation”. The rules violation turned out to be Bryce killing Montecore the falcon. Supposedly he snuck out of the house and did it in retaliation for his frog. Security cameras and everything. Bryce reacted in a crazy manner of course. So once Tim was back, then we had a silly game and TJ's fake bout of diarrhea. Then we discovered TJ stole Gerald's aquasocks, which was news to viewers because they had NEVER MENTIONED it. I mean if you want us to care that Gerald hasn't showered in four days, maybe mention that fact. So to make amends TJ offered to let Gerald pick a competition, and Gerald picked a danceoff. Loser quits the show. Gerald won, but when the elimination ceremony came around, TJ refused to quit and Derek refused to make him quit, so Gerald was eliminated. Also Cammy. Just before the episode ended, Derek announced that Piper and Austin have been deciding if they want to get back together with each other. (click for more)
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Monday, September 12, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 8

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Bryce returned to the show, because the deal is Piper thinks he's sweet. Everyone has to “profess their love” for alone time, and TJ and Cammy win. However for more entertainment, TJ and Cammy had to wear earpieces and do whatever the other contestants told them, which was pretty entertaining. No one cared if Cammy had to do dumb things but Tim was very protective of TJ's alone time. Afterwards, they told Bryce about how his frog died and that went over as well as you would think. In that he and TJ almost fought. Then went up to their room to “cool off” and were almost caught by Tim out of character. During the elimination ceremony, Derek revealed that Austin would be deciding which man would be eliminated. To everyone's anger and annoyance he decided on Tim. (click for more)
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Friday, September 9, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 7

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Ingrid was allowed to return to the show, since Austin is an idiot and was speaking to the wrong grandfather. Derek revealed that Piper and Austin were a couple once. They dated for four years and broke up six months ago. Tim and Amanda won alone time by hitting on RealDolls (don't ask) and when Eleanor was upset about this, because she's not had any alone time yet, Austin tried to comfort her by bringing out the coupon book she gave him. Except for the part where he used one of the coupons with Cammy. Dumbass. On Tim and Amanda's alone time, Austin and Piper fought and then were talked into staying on the show. Everett the frog died, probably killed by the falcon. Tim was annoyed that everyone was so upset about it. At the Pearl Necklace Elimination ceremony, Eleanor realized Austin is a douche and told him to shove his locket up his ass and she quit. (click for more)
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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 6

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: the producers decided Ingrid should pull a Jonny Fairplay and announced her grandfather had died, then used this to take Eleanor's alone time away from her. Which was sad. Bryce got an airplane to run a banner over the mansion asking for forgiveness, which Tim felt was super creepy but Piper felt bad for eliminating Bryce. There was a set of really dumb games vs. the models, where basically everything was sexual and the models “won” trips to Mexico. Austin's parents arrived, played by the same actors that played Piper's parents, only this time Mom was strict and somber and Dad was a party person. They also had the same challenge as the men, which was to do ridiculous sexual tasks or have “secrets” revealed. Everyone did it, except Cammy, so we could watch the horrible low-budget piece of shit that is “Porked and Beans”. Because you can't mention a fetish porn video without actually having a video. Then Ingrid was sent home because Austin called her house and her grandfather answered. Amanda told Austin her mom's dad lives with them, and it was her dad's dad who died. Oops. (click for more)
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Saturday, September 3, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 5

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Since Ingrid was too suspicious for this show and figured out it was all fake, the producers let her in on the secret and offered her the chance to join the cast. If she can make it to the end she can win $100,000. So she accepted and they brought in Amanda so they could go back to having one girl and one guy schmo. After that, there were sausages, a cameo from Matt Kennedy Gould, and Piper's parents. The men had a weird contest to do inappropriate things or “secrets” would be revealed. In the end Piper's parents gave Gerald immunity and Bryce was kicked out. Not before he was creepy one last time though. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 1, 2016

"Joe Schmo 2"--episode 4

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Ambrosia amped up her bitchy nature and attacked Cammy for using her boobs. Cammy slipped and almost said her real name, but everyone dropped it. Eleanor “lost” her locket and Tim came up with the plan to “find” it (really just get Cammy's and pretend). Tim also got a date with Piper, which terrified Piper. And he had a super fun birthday. Cammy tried to tell Ingrid a hysterical story about soft-core porn fetish videos she was in, and this lead Ingrid to completely doubt the entire show. At the elimination ceremony (the men were not there) Austin chose Cammy and Eleanor, and then left it for a To Be Continued. (click for more)
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