Project Runway All Stars 1/8/15--"Making a Splash" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: we all had a nice two week break from this show. I enjoyed it very much. Anyway, before that everyone had to work in pairs to clothe people who met on match.com so they could go on their first dates. Cue a lot of whining about having to do menswear. Michelle got sick and whined about that. Fabio won, for making some good menswear. Yay Fabio! Then no one was eliminated which means that whole 90 minutes was pointless. (click for more)

It’s Michelle’s birthday so they’re all out having coffee. Oh look, Alyssa Milano is on the cover of USA Today! Stupid. The article has some stupid clue to their challenge. Can’t we just do things normally? Everyone ends up at the pool, with the president of USA Today Travel. Today’s challenge is to create “elegant resort wear” for this imaginary vacation. $150 budget, and the winner will get a “photo story” in the paper. Exciting stuff. Plus a free vacation, which isn’t too shabby. Alyssa says they must ALSO design a swimsuit to go under their outfit. So really you’re making a swimsuit and a cover-up. Just say that. We’ve had that challenge. Michelle says her whole last line was swimwear. They’ll be randomly assigned a new model, because the producers decided to fuck with them some more.

All the fabric is in piles in the pool there. Oh the designers won’t have to get wet. That’s what the hot boys are for. Oh Alyssa. You show a keen grasp of this show’s demographic. Everyone acts like they’re 15 and just discovered boys. The pool boys will dive down and get samples for people, but if you don’t like the fabric you can send them back. No time limit. Fabio is especially stricken. The pool boys take off their shirts and there is a lot of shrieking and carrying on. Fabio just throws his hands up like, bless. Also they strip down to speedos. This is probably the best part of this show in forever. Michelle takes a yellow and black fabric, and Dmitry tries to take it, but when he sees Michelle with it he switches. Too soon the boys are gone. Bye pool boys! I’ll miss you!

Sketching happens but it all sounds the same. Everyone wants something unique and awesome and they’re going to win. Sorry, I didn’t write anything down. Michelle buys elastic and she’s confused that no one else is buying any. Sonjia didn’t’ sketch and nothing is speaking to her. Eventually she decides on lace pants.

Justin sews stuff and he says it doesn’t look expensive enough, so he flips the fabric around to make a black cover-up. The bathing suit will look graphic. Sonjia has royal blue lace she’s draping on herself. Dmitry tries to beg elastic off of Michelle. It doesn’t work that well. Jay seems to be behind. Dmitry is like, let me just look at your elastic you bought. Sure. He doesn’t steal any, that I see.

Zanna time! And she’s brought the fashion editor from USA Today, I guess because her name is going on this photo story or whatever. Jay must be exclusive. Justin will be appropriate as long as nipples aren’t hanging out, so don’t worry about it. She tells Dmitry his suit looks like a Bond girl. So complementary today. Sonjia has to make sure she’s luxe. Michelle has some fringe. Helen has a black lace dress and they don’t hate it. Fabio gets “OK” and he’s not satisfied with that. Maybe too conservative. Sam isn’t quite glamourous enough yet.

Model fittings. Lots of worrying because these are all new models. Dmitry’s model is African-American and the print is brown, white, and black camo so it doesn’t pop well. He also discovers the dress is terrible because his new model has totally different proportions. Starting over. Sonjia is pleased with her suit. Justin ran out of some of his fabric so he’s not sure what to do. Sam was sewing the top and bottom of her jumpsuit together and managed to twist it so it’s front to back.

I’m sorry, you guys, I seriously can’t get into this episode. It’s hard to pay attention, especially when we all know it doesn’t matter in the end because the producers will fix the outcome anyway. Maybe next week will be better.

Runway day. Lots of work to do. Justin cuts his skirt shorter to have enough fabric to make his top. Hot makeup guy Scott. Sam’s model gets makeup on her clothing.

Guest judge is photographer Nigel Barker. Justin: long blue maxi dress with a sheer skirt. The skirt has two layers, like a really long peplum and then an ankle length layer. It’s cut open in the front so you can see her suit, which ends up being a black one piece with cutouts and a belt. You know the suits where it’s basically a bikini, but the top and bottom meet at a point in the center of her stomach. There’s some sparkly trim, and the back has horizontal strips. Michelle: pewter short dress with a boatneck. It’s not exciting at all. It looks like a real dress, but whatever. The swimsuit is a very low cut halter top one piece, in gold and black zig-zags with black trim. It looks cool. The closer you get, the more yellow it looks (as opposed to gold). Sonjia: royal blue lace outfit. The top and pants aren’t completely lace, they’re solid in parts. Or the lace has big patches that aren’t see-through. At her waist is some denim. It’s weird. The suit is a bikini with a bandeau top and really high-waisted retro full-cut bottoms. There’s a big black zig-zag on top, with a little of a southwestern print, and then the bottom is all print. Jay: long dress with a mullet hem, and a short train. It’s beige trim and a print with vertical brown stripes on a cream background. The stripes are thin but not evenly spaced. It moves really well, but then it also looks shapeless. Like it’s great now but when they get to judging maybe it won’t look super standing still. The suit is a bikini in a blue and yellow floral print with black trim. Nothing world-shaking.

Helen: black lace t-shirt and crop pants. Unlike Sonjia’s look, this girl looks pretty naked. It’s just one layer of lace and maybe a liner if she’s lucky. The only place she’s covered is at her hips where the two things overlap. Actually possibly that is uncovered also and there seem to be pockets. The suit is a very small bikini with a bandeau top and bikini bottoms, in some print they never really show close up. Fabio: white top and black pants. It looks expensive but also not that exciting design-wise. One shoulder has a cap sleeve and one has no sleeve. The suit is a bikini with a halter top that seems too wide. Like he has too much fabric for the amount of boobs she has. Also she has a wedgie. Sam: mint green jumpsuit with wide legs and no sleeves. The top has a boatneck, it looks like, but the sides are weird. They don’t fit closely so it looks like it gapes a lot at her waist and maybe if you stood next to her you could see if she was wearing a bra or not. Her swimsuit is a very bright neon print, one piece, with a deep V halter neck. It doesn’t look like it fits right on top. Also there’s a shot from the side and you can clearly see at least an inch of fabric bunching up right above her buttcrack. It’s high-cut but it’s really riding up and it doesn’t fit well. Dmitry: gold dress with an asymmetric hem and one shoulder. Actually one shoulder has a cap sleeve and one is just sleeveless, straight up and down from her armpit to the shoulder. There’s some sparkly trim and a tie at the waist on one side. The suit is the brown camo, and it’s one of those ones that look like a bikini but there’s fabric running down one side. So the top has one strap, and is wider on that side of her body, and then the strip down the side of her torso, and then bikini bottoms.

Fabio and Helen are safe. Dmitry wanted something effortless that could go from beach to party. Isaac loves the asymmetry, because it doesn’t look like a mistake. The suit and the dress are great together. Jay’s dress while not in motion does kind of look like a sheet. Georgina loved the movement but the top is too heavy, and they don’t like the trim. Isaac doesn’t like the suit and the dress together, but I think his model has terrible posture or something. Anyway, the blue and yellow suit, and the beige dress, don’t mesh. Sam’s jumpsuit is supposed to be like the water. It does look good up close, but Georgina doesn’t like the swimsuit because it’s too 80’s. Isaac noticed the weird fit on the jumpsuit that I did. Justin mentions the south of France. They love it all. Nigel would just photograph the back of the suit because he loves it so. Michelle put elastic over the front of her suit to make a different look and calm the yellow. The judges love the suit, but they don’t like the dress as much. The front of the dress has an elastic waist and it looks like she caught it in her underwear. Hee. So Sonjia’s top is like, a blue lace jacket, with a horizontal strip of denim or something over her boobs, and then a thicker strip around her waist. The legs of the pants are just lace but she placed the fabric perfectly pattern-wise. Isaac didn’t like the denim. Georgina, however, can see an interesting collection in her pieces.

Sonjia was fresh and modern, even though Isaac still doesn’t like the denim. Justin had a great easy cover-up and the judges can’t say enough good things about the suit. Dmitry somehow made everything cohesive, and they don’t seem quite sure how. Michelle’s swimsuit was fantastic, but the dress was terrible. Jay’s dress flowed well, but the thick trim is leather which makes no sense, and then the suit was not flattering. Sam made a great jumpsuit but no one likes the suit and the crotch and the butt and no. Isaac says he wasn’t getting camel toe, he was getting moose knuckle, which is the male equivalent of camel toe. Alyssa doesn’t even know what that is.

Sonjia is in. Justin is the winner. Dmitry is in. Justin is excited to get his name in the paper, forgetting he was already on TV once before and is not exactly an unknown. Michelle is in. Sam’s jumpsuit was poorly fitted and her suit was offensive. Ouch. Jay’s dress had too much design. Sam is out. Jay is in. She wouldn’t do anything differently.

Next week: avant garde, someone sketches in the shark tank, someone has resting bitch face.