Thursday, September 10, 2015

Project Runway 9/10/15--"Lace to the Finish" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: there was paintball and also teams and then also some drama about the teams that I'm sure was encouraged by production. Ashley got picked last, and then her team had all picked their friends and they had no concept of what to do (I mean they just had to make a collection that went together, that was it). The boys (and Merline) did really well, actually. The judges encouraged Ashley to be sad about being picked last instead of saying how she should have done really well and shown all of those dumb girls. But whatever. Edmond won, although Swapnil should have won. Amanda finally went home. (click for more)

Ashley doesn't like the awkwardness in the house, which is not entirely her fault, but still there. She can't wait for the new challenge, which they will discover when they all get to the runway involves pin-up shots of Heidi in lingerie and also some mannequins with panties and bras. Classy. OK it actually is pretty classy in terms of underwear display. This is the “Heidi has a clothing line and now you will design for her for free” challenge. Also known as “The one where they let Heidi into the workroom and she's mean to everyone”. The winner will have their design put into the collection and sold. You'll note she's not teaming up with a store, but selling it herself off a website. Edmond has immunity which is probably good. The boys are going to have a slightly harder time today, especially the gay boys that maybe have no experience with women's underwear.

Everyone goes up to the runway to poke at everything. Jake says his only experience with lingerie is taking it off someone or putting it on himself. The producer doing the interview is like “...uh” but you know? He may have more experience than others.
Tim comes in and says they gave everyone a bra to work with, but they need to alter it and not just paste fabric and notions on it. Blake says he doesn't usually wear underwear and Tim jumps and looks ill. Hee. One day challenge. I miss Santino.

Laurie says fuchsia is “a grown woman's pink”. Kelly cuts up her bra and says she is going for “sexy boobs”. Sigh. Edmond, even though he has not been yelled at for this yet, says he does “monochromatic” too much and goes for hot pink. Swapnil discusses Madonna, bondage-inspired straps, and provocative so it looks like Jay's swimsuit from the first season with all the straps. Candice is making a garter belt and corset and panties. Something about a garter belt but not wearing stockings? A garter strap-on? Look she said it and I'm not about to let that comment slide. Merline is making a whole new bra instead of using the bra they were given. Ashley has totally thought about support and stuff. Blake is totally lost to the point where he doesn't know what he needs to cover. Or at least that's what he says. Jake tries to ask him if he knows where the vagina is, without adding on “you fucking idiot” because he's nicer than me. Blake immediately is like “oh is it not up here” and I wonder if he is faking being dumb. Either way, Blake you fucking idiot. Ashley comes over to show him where underwear sits when you wear them, which actually is not terrible. It was the “oh do I need to cover this part?” Laurie rolls her eyes and says you can't have become a designer without knowing these things so please get serious. Lindsey drops her scissors and for some reason tries to slap them onto her lap. Instead she stabs herself and has to leave to go get a tetanus shot. Why are you trying to slap sharp objects? It sounded like she could have stabbed herself in the leg instead of the hand. Jake thinks the rest of the line looks almost like bathing suits so he's kind of going in that direction. Not...really? But whatever. Lindsey returns in three hours, even though she initially was like “I could be gone all day omg”.

Tim Time! And Heidi! Heidi likes Kelly's colors and lace but she doesn't have bottoms yet. Heidi gives her shit about not being done, because Heidi has no clue how long it takes to do anything. Edmond is too tacky. It's not that tacky. Compared to things Heidi has worn herself. Everyone is watching and snickering. Tom and Lorenzo said on Twitter that she's got a men's line too. We could have had male underwear models!? Fuck you show. Heidi asks Edmond if he's taken off many bras that looked like that. Tim manages to take it too far and imply that Edmond must have been paying for girls with bras like that. Jesus Christ, Tim. It's one thing to say “Your outfit looks like it's on a girl working the corner” and a TOTALLY DIFFERENT thing to say “You're paying for girls”. Joseph just gets a dirty look and “matronly”. Yeah, it's a bra with a bulit-in dickey. Candice's look is black, of course, and they make dominatrix jokes. Lindsey is on the right track. Laurine is told to make a smaller bottom and put the strap there, instead of where she had it on the waist. Heidi greets “Princess Blakey” which is hilarious. He's not original enough. Merline responds to “How are you doing?” with “You'll let me know how I'm doing after this”. Hee. I think she's almost got a teddy going on but I guess she is fine. Black lace teddy. Sure. Jake gets “it looks like a sixteen-year-old's bra”. Heidi says the back is nice but the boobs should shine. Ashley's bra matches her hair. Heidi doesn't like how much coverage there is, except for the part where real women need that much coverage, HEIDI. Swapnil has straps but apparently he ran out? Why are you using them if you don't have enough? Heidi then tells everyone she wants to see them in ten minutes on the runway. UGH.

Kelly points out that Tim said “one day” but didn't tell them what time tonight they were supposed to be done, so it's possible that in ten minutes they will have a runway show. That would be hilarious. But sadly, the runway is covered in cushions and pillows and assorted nonsense. And there are beds. And slippers. Tim says there is bad news and good news. There is a twist! You have to design another piece, a cover-up. UUUGGGHHHHH fine. The good news is that you have more work time and in fact will sleep here. Candice is thrilled because she's mental. I wouldn't want to spend more time with these people. They all have to get into their pajamas and then go back to work. Swapnil hates his pajamas because he looks like a beggar. Hee. A lot of people are starting over. Like Swapnil, because the strap thing is not working. Joseph sniffs that everyone has such high-waisted panties which I am hoping means his model flashes everyone because he's so cocky about how much better he is. Model fitting. Merline fails because she didn't use the existing bra and it fits horribly. Blake still doesn't know where the vagina is. Jake's model doesn't want a thong so instead of telling her “too bad” he's making new bottoms. Remember the last time they did lingerie and the one model bitched about that and everyone was like “you're a model suck it up”? Yes. At 1am everyone is exhausted. Lots of hand-sewing. At 3am I think everyone leaves to go to bed.

Commercial interlude: Tim appears in pajamas and a robe and slippers but isn't sleeping over which is lame. Blake puts his bed on the runway and he has to have Laurie help him pick up the air mattress. YOU'RE NOT CUTE.

Tim appears with a lantern to wake everyone up. Runway day. At least he gives everyone time to get dressed. Blake still hasn't made his cover-up with two hours to go. Swapnil's bra looks rough, because he's removed part of the sides to do the straps, but left in the original clasp which doesn't go. The hair guy looks like a poor man's Justin Timberlake. There is a lot of frantic tearing around. Joseph is helping Jake, who is so far behind he's just going to take some fabric and make a sarong. Blake is about at that point also.

Guest judge is Bella Thorne. Swapnil: so she's got essentially a giant sleeveless duster coat, down to the floor, in white which matches the underwear. There are a lot of straps on the underwear but you can see where he attached them to the flesh-colored bra and underwire. It's not a terrible idea but it's very poorly done. Ashley: a gray robe which makes no impact, and then lavender and lace. The bra has some straps and it looks like it's the size of a full-coverage bra, but there are cutouts so there is plenty of skin. Jake: a string bikini and bra in black with little white polka dots. It's fine. There are no shots of the cover-up. The sides of the bra are two thin straps, like bra straps, instead of one thicker band. Edmond: cover-up and underwear in a dark raspberry. The bra looks weird, like it's too flat. It looks like it's a training bra. Lindsey: dark blue lace, and the bra is fine, but the panties are high-waisted but not lined all the way. So the lining is the usual bikini bottoms, but then there is blue lace all the way up to her navel. It looks like a stomach cincher. Her bra looks weirdly flat too. Like the cups are squashed vertically.

Candice: black bra and panties, with a black garter belt. So remember how she was talking about having a garter belt but not wearing stockings? So the way you do that is you take the straps you would normally attach to stockings, and you put strings on them and you tie them to her thighs. What in the hell. There is a strip of yellow at the top of the bra and along the leg holes of the garter belt. I haven't been mentioning cover-ups because they're all like, a basic robe with no sleeves. Joseph: the cover up is hot pink and the underwear is gray. It does look well made but not super exciting. Merline: boy shorts and a black bra that has some straps and tiny tiny triangular cups. The bra looks like shit. It's not even symmetrical. Blake: hot pink underwear, and I notice his model's boobs bounce a lot as she walks. Maybe not enough support? We do not see any of the “cover-up”. The bra looks OK but her boobs look really droopy. Laurie: purple bra with a lighter shade in the middle, and high-waisted purple lace underwear with very high cut legs. Like 80's leotard cut. There are two thin straps around her waist, at the top of the panties, that are maybe just decoration? Kelly: light blue lace, like a periwinkle, with a yellow underneath. It actually looks good. The panties are yellow with the lace at the waist. Her boobs look great.

Kelly, Joseph, Edmond, Candice, and Lindsey are safe. Swapnil explains his “signature style” and how it is supposed to be “elegant bondage”. He claims the parts of the original bra you can see are on purpose. Heidi says it's a “showstopper”. What? Fine. He's been robbed of the win too many times. Bella does acknowledge the construction issues. They really love it, which is so weird. Why didn't you love any of his actual good stuff? Laurie wanted the fuchsia but put navy to calm it down. Her model has a big wedgie. There's a knot in the middle of the bra, which is cute, but the panties are so dated and 80's. Plus Laurie couldn't avoid a seam right down the front of the panties which is not good. Merline put a V in her straps because she likes V-neck tops. Also she thinks all those straps are “effortless”. Heidi praises the unusual shape without mentioning how shitty the top is. The judges do acknowledge that no one with a chest can wear it. You guys. They show a close-up of her chest and her boobs look lumpy. Am I crazy? This is terrible but somehow she's in the top.

Jake wanted cut-away straps and he does admit he didn't really make a cover-up. Everyone is bored and the straps make lumps and cut into her skin, like it's too small. Heidi pretends to care about “different sizes” having issues but I just watched you praise Merline's shitty top even though no one past an A cup can wear it so shut up, Heidi. Bella explains to him how he screwed up the bottoms. Blake babbles about French. Something. Zac doesn't even know what he is talking about. Heidi calls bullshit on his claim that he has never seen women's underwear. He says when he designs his models don't wear bras and Zac is like, good luck idiot, no one will buy your clothes if no one can wear them without a bra. Guys if you hadn't explained away Merline's design two minutes ago I would jump in and agree. But at least can we pretend we aren't going to contradict ourselves? Zac at least does point out how droopy her boobs are. Nina is DONE and says there is no fit or sophistication. When his model turns around you can see how he like, glued the pink straps to the beige clasp. Ashley put a strip of lace along the bottom of the bra to change the shape a little. They love it, and the straps on the bra that don't hold weight but are interesting, and her ass looks great. She's got a thong, but then above the thong are straps that look like a G-string. I think I've seen that before; you put on pants or a skirt and it looks like your G-string is sticking out of the top of your pants. Weird. But everyone loves it.

Swapnil's look isn't really something you'd wear out of the house, but everyone but Nina seems to be OK with it. They still talk about how great Merline's look is, and how you should wear the bra under something sheer, but Bella does show how the lace is droopy and it has problems. And this top has straps! But nothing was said about how it makes you lumpy. They like Ashley's but the panties maybe have too much fabric in front. Laurie's underwear is far too high and you can see how the model had to wear her own panties underneath. Jake is boring and just covered a bra with fabric and then didn't make a cover-up. Blake's look appears to have been made in ten minutes.

Merline is the winner, which is terrible. HER BOOBS LOOK LUMPY AND NO ONE WITH ANY KIND OF BOOBS CAN WEAR IT COMFORTABLY. Sigh. Ashley and Swapnil are in. Laurie is in. Jake is in. Blake is out. BYE FELICIA. He says he pushed himself and thinks everyone will be sad without him.

Next week: make shit out of trash. Sigh. Also did Mood tell them to get lost or something? Because they have been to Mood ONCE. One time this whole season.


Duabe said...

Great recap Toyouke - I agree with your assessment of the lingerie and missed Santino too.

Can't wait to see what Heidi's sewing folks make out of Merline's ensemble??? No one over an A cup could wear that bra for sure.

Goodbye Princess Blake - nope, we won't be sad and missing you.

Tbone said...

They went to Mood in Episode 4, but that's the only time. We just learned that they filmed in Queens this season, so that's why no trips to Mood. It's no longer a walk around the corner and they produce this show for as cheap as they can. Next week is a UMC, so no Mood again!

Toyouke said...

Thanks Tbone. Blogger isn't notifying me that you're leaving comments! That's why it's taking so long for me to approve them. Sorry!