Thursday, February 19, 2015

Project Runway All Stars 2/19/15--"Season 4 Reunion" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: Dmitry won, which means that he’s now won this show twice which is ridiculous. Past winners should be banned from all All-Stars seasons of anything. You already won. Go do something with your winnings or whatever. In other news, I thought the season was finally over but no! We have to have a reunion! At least it’s only an hour. (click for more)

I think Alyssa is wearing one of Dmitry’s finale looks. At least it looks like that pot leaf dress with the backstitching. Sonjia’s hair looks great. We have a reminder of the finale, which I just watched last week so I don’t need this recap. Helen looks pissed at all of it, though, so that’s nice. On closer inspection that’s not Dmitry’s finale look that Alyssa has on, but it looks very similar. No one in this group looks like they want to watch this recap. Maybe none of them want to be here. Dmitry grew as a designer and found some techniques he wants to explore. He says now he teaches at Parsons which is cool. His QVC collection looks OK. Then Alyssa thanks him for the dress she’s wearing, and then they put an inset of the finale dress which just emphasizes how it is NOT THE SAME. Come on. Helen thought Dmitry’s collection was beautiful. Of course she should have won. Sonjia, did you think you should have won? “Hell fucking yeah!” Hee. Everyone wanted to win, Alyssa. That’s a stupid question. Sonjia’s proud of herself anyway. She gets heated because everyone in the workroom gave her shit for always making pencil skirts, but 1. “I make great clothes” and 2. She claims in judging none of the actual judges ever said anything. Like Helen mainly came for her a lot (Helen makes a face like she’s never said anything about anyone), “but she does a cape like she’s Superwoman.” Ha! It’s true. Also she says previous winners shouldn’t be in All-Stars. I love Sonjia. Michelle pretends this shitshow is like the Olympics or something where you compete with gold medal winners or whatever. Please. Gunnar gets on his high horse about competing against the best, forgetting he only made it to the middle of the season so maybe not having “the best” around would have helped you out some.

Montage of everyone’s shittalking in confessionals. Everyone laughs at their own quips but I don’t see a lot of laughing coming from other people. Michelle is like, I still love all of you though. No one believes you I don’t think. She specifically mentions Helen’s stupid pillowcase with ruffles she made for the aquarium challenge, and calls it a “vanilla loofah”. Helen bitches “Oh like that’s not offensive.” Shut up Helen. That dress was fugly and also let’s not pretend you didn’t make fun of everyone else all the fucking time. Jay points out that confessional is different from saying things to someone’s face. Oh for example when Helen came up to him and told him his dress was too “club girl”. The “girl please” face Jay made in confessional is awesome. Jay at least laughs about it now which is cool. In the clip Jay was all don’t come at me, while Helen just said “whatever”. He said at least she told him to his face, and he wishes she’d do that with all the other designers. Oooooo. Helen pretended she wasn’t trying to be mean and it’s a beautiful dress. Then she got all huffy because Jay called her a bitch. What did you think would happen? Don’t be a bitch then. In the reunion Jay tries to pretend that he responded poorly, except I think it was perfect. Helen sort of laughs that she could have not been shitty, but you can tell she doesn’t think she was in the wrong and no one apologizes. Shut up Helen.

Alyssa then says they have been watching everyone’s Twitter. They’re going to play a game? Something. I bet they’ve learned nothing about saying shit on the internet. A tweet about how there might be some bitches on this season, and you should always be nice because you don’t know who’s watching. Ben is like “Did I say that?” like he can’t remember. He wasn’t talking about anyone in particular, which is possible. There are several people who he could be talking about. “There is way worse on the runway tonight than my garment” is Helen, of course, because she apparently learned nothing from the last time she was on the show. I bet she got into fights and threatened people again. Another one from Ben about Dmitry making his model look fat. They have a pic and I’m not sure what he’s talking about. Dmitry actually says that Ben says shit about him every episode and he’s flattered that Ben thinks about him so much, “because I don’t really think about you at all.” Oo, ya BURNT. ANOTHER tweet from Ben about how Dmitry sucks. OK I think that’s plenty. Also because he already got burnt. “I don’t have anything against Dmitry I just comment on things I see.” Ben you are faker than Helen right now. At least own your vendetta. Someone told Helen to move on. Michelle claims that, because she says she said something about Helen’s design, and then Helen called her a bitch, and then Michelle was like “move on”. See I was right about Helen and Twitter. But GIRL it was Justin! Everyone is shocked. Some deep philosophy about something, which was Patricia who says she has a “social media woman” that posts things for her. That sounds like Patricia. Sonjia tweeted about how you should bring your problems with her to her attention. Remember when they had to roll the dice and get fabrics, and she was supposed to do brocade but she didn’t buy a brocade or whatever? And then like half the workroom got together to talk about it while she was gone? That was pretty stupid. Michelle yells that she did say something in the van.

After the break we’re back to this thing. Sonjia rolls her eyes about it, I guess because the show tried to spin it in previews like she was cheating or something, when really the worst thing you could say was “Sonjia didn’t buy brocade because she’s too stupid to recognize the fabric wasn’t brocade”. Alyssa tries to claim it “blew up Twitter” and it’s “Brocadegate” and that would imply anyone gives a shit about this show, Alyssa, so let’s dial it back. A clip of the incident, which was Michelle telling Fabio, and then Fabio telling Sonjia (with Sonjia somehow knowing everyone else is involved), and then Sonjia making that horribly tacky gold dress that won somehow because this show sucks. Sonjia was upset that everyone was talking about it but no one was talking to her. Yeah I can see that. Michelle’s story is that she tried to tell Sonjia but Sonjia ignored her, and since Sonjia is “a friend” she was really concerned and knew the best way to get Sonjia to listen was to have Fabio tell her. That seems thin. For fuck’s sake, now everyone has paddles and you put the green side for “yes” and the red side for “no” so you can answer questions. What kind of bullshit is this, Lifetime? No one thinks it was brocade. Sonjia knows it wasn’t brocade. Alyssa has a picture of that dress, because part of winning was that she wore it in Marie Claire, and it’s terrible. It blends in with her skin tone and it looks like she’s wearing a towel. Did NO ONE at the magazine see how shitty this looks?

More stupid paddle questions. All-Stars is harder because you get much less time and everyone is really good. Sam says somehow the challenges are harder, but I think they’re the same dumb challenges. Patricia says she found a family here, because everyone is crazy and they’ve all been through the same thing and she’ll take it. Aww. I’m glad someone got something out of it.

Oh good only one paddle question. Montage of the challenge where they were supposed to make a dress about their romantic lives. Blah blah. To be fair Zanna is really moved by people’s stories. Also Fabio has an open relationship which was somehow unsurprising. He says after that episode he got a lot of naked photos. Chris March is like “you didn’t get a reaction, you got ACTION.” Hee. Justin talks about his boyfriend and they’re so cute! Gunnar has a new boyfriend. Woo. Why are we talking about everyone’s love lives? Photos of people and their partners which is nice for them. Helen says “where are me and my cats?” which is kind of funny but she looks really pissed so way to rain on everyone’s parade. It could have been a good joke but instead you look whiny.

Alyssa is all SPEAKING OF YOU HELEN let’s have a montage of your emotional journey. I thought she was going to get called out but no, we have to be reminded of her stupid droopy arm dress for that same challenge, and then the idiotic bullshit from when Michelle was eliminated, where Helen fake cried about cutting up people’s stuff and then they passed her through because that’s the story this season. I hate this show. Alyssa asks if anyone minded getting their stuff cut up, and Gunnar is like “That dress was shit so do it girl.” Exactly. Kate says something barfy about how if someone had to do it, she’s glad it was Helen. Barf. Michelle says she spent that hour pissed off. Because she should have won outright and Helen should have gone home. But you’ll notice that unlike some other people (KORINA) she held it in until now. Also like half of the designers agree with Michelle that she should have stayed and Helen should have gone home without that stupid remix challenge. Burn.

“Unseen moments” of when they had to make swimwear and they had hot boys in Speedos. As they sketched I guess production made the boys swim around and clean up the pool, and Helen is so horny she can’t even focus. Fabio just laughs at her. Get it together. Alyssa tries to excuse them but seriously. To be so distracted you can’t stop staring is pretty bad. Montage of Alyssa’s outfits and how so many of them made her look super huge when she wasn’t actually that big. Aww, her baby is cute. Then Sam gets up and says Patricia, Alexandria, Gunnar, and Justin got her gifts. On the one hand that’s sweet, but on the other hand, you just made everyone else look like jerks.

Montage of Sonjia making faces and saying “get it girl” a million times. She is pretty funny. Montage of crying. Sonjia cried a bunch of times, Michelle cried about “having to design around a penis”, Kate cried about Patricia which is weird. Helen crying clearly. That time Justin and Helen were the bottom two and no one went home so everyone cried including Alyssa.

Now let’s talk about the trip to London. Ben getting pissy about Sonjia using his fabric? Which I still thought was dumb. Just use the same fabric. Ben tries to say he didn’t love his design that he ended up making. Alyssa asks Sonjia if she wants to apologize. What!? Both Sonjia and Michelle react the same way. For what? Ben claims he knew for sure he wanted that fabric, but Sonjia wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to rush it. She never said he couldn’t have the same fabric. Ben also claims he could have been an asshole and taken it to use but why will no one explain this? THEY CAN USE THE SAME GODDAMN FABRIC. Ben blames Sonjia for getting him eliminated when no one has explained why in the fuck they are even having this argument in the first place. Sonjia doesn’t apologize, so good.

Montage of the unconventional materials challenge. Oh yes. That stupid argument between Chris and Dmitry because they were both using rope and it looked the same. Chris admits that when you have rope you kind of end up doing the coil thing anyway, but he did have it much earlier than Dmitry. Dmitry says he was originally going to put a tarp underneath, but it looked terrible so he scrapped that part and that’s why he ended up with something like Chris’s. Chris claims Dmitry told him he was going to use different colors of rope or something, but of course this was at lunch and so there’s no footage and Dmitry doesn’t remember. Michelle sticks up for Dmitry and says he didn’t try to steal anything. Chris says he was stunned into inaction and he can’t believe he wasn’t eliminated. Who was eliminated? Alexandria. OK let’s move on! Huh? Why ask if you aren’t going to talk to her?

Now is the part of the show where the “viewers” “tweet” their questions. You know the producers write these. What trend would you like to see go away? Fabio says “leggings as pants”. Lots of agreement. Michelle says “vegan leather” although really she just says the term is dumb. Just call it faux leather. Why did you become designers? Michelle says “not being able to find what you want on the rack.” Lots of nodding. There’s a shot of the end of the couch and Alexandria looks ready to cut someone. You haven’t said anything today and no one has said shit about you. Fabio found himself in designing for himself. Who is the most difficult to work with? Michelle immediately points at Alexandria. Dead silence in response. Guess I spoke too soon about no one talking to her. Michelle cites the stupid “fight” they had during the unconventional challenge, where Alexandria was frantic and yelling at people stealing her unlabeled stuff. Alyssa tells her that everyone was annoyed because she took so much stuff that day. Then…we’re done talking about it? Why are we not addressing anything that is brought up right now?

Time to talk about the judges. Isaac is funny sometimes, closer to what Kors used to be like when he would deign to be associated with this trainwreck. Georgina doesn’t have good sound bites. I mean they show clips of them but they aren’t as fun or random. Isaac is harder to please because you think he’s going to compliment you but then all of a sudden he’s insulting you. Georgina told Helen and Justin to get it together and come back stronger, that week they were the bottom two. Now a montage of guest judges which I think is going to just show the extremely poor producer decisions they make to put them there. But wait! Not all the judges are in this montage because I was waiting for Snooki and I don’t think I saw her. Don’t think I forgot about her you guys. Helen is all “who doesn’t love Nina Garcia?” and everyone is all um…no. Nina was pissed at everyone and she is rude to Isaac which is hilarious because he’s so huffy in response. Fabio likes being critiqued by someone who’s been in the industry for so long. Dmitry says she’s straightforward, and Gunnar interrupts him to spit that there’s straightforward and there’s personal digs, and he respects her but he doesn’t always agree. What does that have to do with “personal digs” exactly? Shut up Gunnar. Kate says no one has ever been as mean to her, but she likes it because she has good points.

Rapid questions! Who had the most high scores this season? People shout out Fabio and Sonjia, but it was Dmitry who was in the top 7 times. Sonjia and Fabio each won three challenges, but Fabio and Michelle had the most low scores. Fabio won three but was in the bottom five times. Wow. Sonjia was never in the bottom. Sweet. One final question: what did you learn? Ugh. “Be yourself.” “Trust yourself.” “I can do a lot more than I thought I could.” Blah blah. Michelle says “opinions are like nipple hair, you just pick out the ones you don’t like.” I think she worked on that for a long time but as she’s saying it she’s laughing too hard to finish, like she didn’t think it would be that funny. Alyssa is confused by the concept of nipple hair you DO like. Helen claims she learned to tune everything out. A toast to everyone! Now we’re REALLY done! Yay!


DianeP said...

Thank you, Toyouke, for bravely recapping the Reunion Show.

Another hour of my life given to Project Runway All Stars - when will I ever learn?

I appreciate your making the show more interesting to read about than to watch!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't bear to watch it! Thanks for the sounds like it was as bad as I expected it to be.