Monday, September 28, 2015

TAR 27 Recap Leg 1, 9-25-15

Welcome to Leg 1 of The Amazing Race 27! When we join Phil, he’s hanging out on Venice Pier of Venice Beach in California. So, you know, Los Angeles. As usual. We find out that this is the starting line for the race, so we welcome the eleven teams as they arrive by. . . running down the beach. Ugh. Whatever happened to crazy wacky methods of arrival, TAR? (Toyouke: “Seriously, you couldn't spring for a bus? This is not the way to win back that Emmy. I bet 'The Voice' can afford a bus.”) Whatever. So the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Justin and Diana, Team Race Proposal, #TheGreenTeam, talk about the fake online Amazing Race that Justin created in order to propose to Diana, complete with cameraman, Roadblocks, Detours, six states, and two countries, culminating in a proposal under the Northern Lights. Buzzfeed did an article, see? Anyway, they think that they will be awesome because they are superfans. Oh dear.

Tanner and Josh, Team Prerequisite Hot Boys, #TeamTexas, are hot boys that are flirtatious. Yes, yes they are. They plan on using their Southern Texas charm to make their way through the race. Oh boys, flirting only gets you so far. But you can stay on my television as long as you want.

Alex and Adam, Team Mighty Mouse, #TheCousins, have a form a dwarfism which has kept them short. But that hasn’t stopped Alex from wrestling throughout high school, and Adam from singing and acting. Look, two words: Charla Faddoul. Done.

Cindy and Rick, Team Asian Doctor, #ChacAttack, are a dentist, OBGYN, calm, cool, collected, smart, athletic, insert more adjectives here. CHAC ATTACK! Seriously? One person is allowed to use that phrase, and he’s seven feet tall. Two Asians from California do not get that honor. (Toyouke: “You never get to name yourselves.”)

Denise and James Earl, Team Token MomGaySon, #TeamAlabama, are best friends forever! Except of course, when James Earl came out to his mom and she was none too happy about it. But she got better. Denise: “I used to be his hero. I want to be his hero again.” Obsess much?

Jazmine and Danielle, Team Running Buddies, #TheTrackStars, ran together at UC – Riverside, and broke each other’s records in the heptathlon. Needless to say, these girls are fit and ready for battle. I think they’ll be strong.

Logan and Chris, Team Photobomb, #ThePaparazzi, are dating paparazzi. Most recently, they were chasing Justin Beiber. I feel for them, I really do. (Toyouke: “Wait does that mean they are overqualified to use the selfie cams? Because I hate the fucking selfie cams.”)

Tiffany and Krista, Team Jet Pack, #TheCheerleaders, are cheerleaders from New York and New Jersey and are worried that they might be stereotyped. Well, yes, you will, this should not be a surprise.

Kelsey and Joey, Team Newscast, #TheReporters, are reporters from Santa Barbara. They have been dating one and a half years, and they are using the race as a test of their relationship. WTF? TWENTY-SEVEN seasons people, and we’re STILL going on this show to test relationships? Ugh. Fine. (Toyouke: “If they narrate their trip the whole time they're on screen my opinion will go from 'bland and boring' to 'I really hate you people'.”)

Kelly and Shevonne, Team Celebrity Dish, #TeamTMZ, work for TMZ. The talk celebrity smack all day. Kelly: “I have to run?” Oh dear, well, it’s been nice knowing you.

Ernest and Jin, Team KPop Hip-Hop, #TheDancers, are sleeping in Ernest’s car right now. Well, that’s heartbreaking. They are street performance dancers. Ernest: “It’s go big or go home, but if we go home, there’s nowhere to go.” Well, there’s a team I’ll be rooting for if they aren’t obnoxious. If I didn’t know they were brothers, I would swear they were dating.

The camera zooms in on Phil. He states that the crowd is filled with Race Fans, including TAR 1 Winners Rob and Brennan, and invites them to tell the teams where they are going first: RIO DE JANEIRO BRAZIL! Phil tells the teams that they should grab their bags and their Fitbit Charge HPs and take a taxi to Mother’s Beach, where they will go head to head in a bike race to Burton Chace Park. Once there, the winner of the bike race will get the ONLY tickets on the first flight to Rio. And then he lets them know that the winner of the first leg gets the Express Pass. Oh, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. Cue Phil's eyebrow pop. GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California, USA
Teams take off, get their bags, and grab their taxis. They arrive at Mother’s Beach in the following order:

1- Tanner/Josh
2- Justin/Diana
3- Denise/James Earl
4- Kelly/Shevonne
5- Jazmine/Danielle
6- Kelsey/Joey
7- Cindy/Rick
8- Tiffany/Krista
9- Logan/Chris
10- Alex/Adam
11- Ernest/Jin

Clue: Ride water-bikes across the bay to Burton Chace Park. Once their, Phil will hand you your tickets to RIO DE JANEIRO BRAZIL! WARNING: Only the first place finisher on the water-bikes will get tickets on the first flight to Rio. Once there, make your way to Lagoa Helipad and take a scenic flight of Rio to get your next clue.
(Toyouke: “I really like that there is only one team on the first flight, but I do not like this “task before you leave the country” theme.) So teams get on their water-bikes and pedal to Burton Chace Park. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Justin/Diana
2- Denise/James Earl
3- Kelly/Shevonne
4- Jazmine/Danielle
5- Kelsey/Joey
6- Cindy/Rick
7- Tiffany/Krista
8- Logan/Chris
9- Alex/Adam
10- Ernest/Jin
11- Tanner/Josh – who underestimated their ability to pedal a bike across water.

Teams take their taxis to the airport and arrive in the following order:

1- Justin/Diana
2- Kelly/Shevonne
3- Denise/James Earl
4- Tanner/Josh
5- Tiffany/Krista
6- Kelsey/Joey
7- Alex/Adam
8- Cindy/Rick
9- Ernest/Jin
10- Jazmine/Danielle
11- Logan/Chris

Once everyone arrives, teams make their way to their respective flights that they picked up after the bike race:

Flight 1, departs 10:35 am:
1) Justin/Diana

Flight 2, departs 11:05 am:
1) Kelly/Shevonne
2) Denise/James Earl
3) Tanner/Josh
4) Tiffany/Krista
5) Kelsey/Joey
6) Alex/Adam
7) Cindy/Rick
8) Ernest/Jin
9) Jazmine/Danielle
10) Logan/Chris

So, teams board their respective flights. The Amazing Red and Blue Lines take us to Galeão International Airport in Rio, where teams arrive in the following order:

1- Justin/Diana – whose flight is 20 minutes late. And the other flight is 5 minutes early. Oh airline travel.
2- Denise/James Earl
3- Tiffany/Krista
4- Jazmine/Danielle
5- Ernest/Jin – who make sure to point out to everyone The Hoods of Brazil.
6- Cindy/Rick
7- Tanner/Josh
8- Kelly/Shevonne
9- Logan/Chris
10- Kelsey/Joey
11- Alex/Adam

Teams are making their way to Lagoa Helipad in their taxis. Once everyone gets going, the teams arrive at the helipad in the following order:

1- Justin/Diana
2- Cindy/Rick
3- Denise/James Earl
4- Tanner/Josh
5- Jazmine/Danielle
6- Kelly/Shevonne
7- Logan/Chris
8- Kelsey/Joey
9- Alex/Adam
10- Ernest/Jin
11- Tiffany/Krista

Justin and Diana open their clue and find. . . a Fast Forward!


Recall (if you can, since they show up rarely anymore) that a fast forward is a task that can be performed to allow one team to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. However, each team may only use their fast forward power once on the race, so they must decide when it is more advantageous to use it. In this, the first fast forward on this race, teams must travel Clube São Conrado Free Flight and hang glide. Once complete, they get their next clue and skip all remaining tasks and travel directly to the Pit Stop. The Fast Forward is weather dependent, so if the winds do not allow flight, teams may not be allowed to fly.

Teams decide to go for the Fast Forward in the following order:

1- Justin/Diana

So, Race Proposal goes for it, and lo and behold, weather prevents them from completing the Fast Forward. Once they get confirmation that they will not be able to hang glide that day, they taxi back to the heiport.

Teams that don’t take the Fast Forward are instructed to take their helicopters on a scenic tour of Rio de Janeiro and answer a question from the helicopter manager (“What’s the name of the monument you passed on the flight?”) with the correct response, Christ the Redeemer to get their next clue.

Teams fly in helicopters and land, answering the question correctly in the following order:

1- Cindy/Rick
2- Denise/James Earl
3- Tanner/Josh
– who were blessed to have gotten to experience that on the Race. Well, you two just went down a few notches.
4- Jazmine/Danielle
5- Kelly/Shevonne
6- Logan/Chris
7- Kelsey/Joey
8- Alex/Adam
9- Ernest/Jin
10- Tiffany/Krista – who get screwed by their cab driver who lets them out at Copacabana Beach, but the completely wrong part of it.
11- Justin/Diana – who made it back to the helipad, but are now out of money. And Justin cries. A lot. So he begs the cabdriver to take them for free. And he does. (Toyouke: “Dude, it's early for crying. Also how are you broke and you haven't even been on the race for a day?”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

Sand OR Sidewalk
Teams travel to Copacabana Beach and change into Brazilian swimwear.
*Sand: Teams must play footvolley, a combination of soccer and volleyball, against local professionals. Once teams scored 6 points before the professionals scored eighteen, teams get their next clue.
*Sidewalk: Teams complete a slider puzzle of the Portuguese Pavement that makes up the Copacabana Boardwalk. Once completed correctly, teams get their next clue..

Toyouke: “Slider puzzles are of the devil.”

1- Cindy/Rick choose Sidewalk – (Toyouke: “Cindy, your husband's shorts are not too short.”)
2- Denise/James Earl choose Sidewalk
3- Tanner/Josh choose Sand
4- Jazmine/Danielle choose Sand
5- Kelly/Shevonne choose Sand – but struggle, so they Bald Snark to Sidewalk. Shevonne: “I went to Rio, and all I got was skin cancer.” (Toyouke: “Where they continue to struggle and cry about how their coworkers think they're dumb and I have no sympathy because they were unfunny bitches about the cheerleaders who are currently beating their asses.”)
6- Logan/Chris choose Sand
7- Kelsey/Joey choose Sidewalk – and decide it is too hard. So, in the first Bald Snark of the season (Already?!?!) they switch to Sand.
8- Alex/Adam choose Sand
9- Ernest/Jin choose Sand
10- Justin/Diana choose Sidewalk – but struggle, so they Bald Snark to Sand.
11- Tiffany/Krista choose Sand – but struggle, so they Bald Snark to Sidewalk.

After much footvolley playing and puzzle solving, teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tanner/Josh
2- Jazmine/Danielle
3- Denise/James Earl
4- Cindy/Rick
5- Logan/Chris
6- Alex/Adam
7- Kelsey/Joey
8- Ernest/Jin
9- Justin/Diana
10- Tiffany/Krista
11- Kelly/Shevonne

Teams are now instructed to travel to the PIT STOP, Arporador Lookout. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!1- Tanner/Josh – who win the Express Pass, which must be used by the end of Leg 5, and then turn around and hand it to another team, who must use it on the very next leg. Nice twist.
2- Jazmine/Danielle
3- Cindy/Rick
4- Denise/James Earl
5- Logan/Chris
6- Alex/Adam
7- Ernest/Jin
8- Kelsey/Joey
9- Justin/Diana
10- Tiffany/Krista
11- Kelly/Shevonne – who JUST finish the puzzle as the sun goes down.

And Phil comes out to the Detour. Since all other teams have checked in, Kelly and Shevonne have been eliminated from the race. Shevonne: “Maybe we should be nicer!” (Toyouke: “Maybe you should learn what shade actually is!”)

1st – Tanner/Josh
nd – Jazmine/Danielle
rd – Cindy/Rick
th – Denise/James Earl
th – Logan/Chris
th – Alex/Adam
7th – Ernest/Jin
8th – Kelsey/Joey
9th – Justin/Diana
10th – Tiffany/Krista

Next week: Argentina! Which is all we know, because TAR decided to preview the season instead of whetting our whistle for next week.
Until next time!

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