Thursday, August 13, 2015

Project Runway 8/13/15--"It's All in the Cards" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: a new season! New contestants! Same ol' “run around and grab fabric and then show us who you are” challenge! So everyone ran around and grabbed the fabric laid out for them, which was really ugly for the most part. Ashley, who is a big girl and has a good eye for clothes that could scale up, won with cute separates. Duncan draped a Barbie pink “gown” that was shiny and that Tim praised for some reason. But it was terrible and he was sent home. Meanwhile Blake and Merline are kind of annoying and most other people are just there so far. (click for more)

The girls hang out and congratulate Ashley. Ashley thought Duncan was her biggest competition, so she's got to rethink a lot of things. Blake smirks that after being in the bottom in the first challenge he'd like to be humble and sweet “like I usually am”. Oh please. You think you're hot shit and everyone else is beneath you. Then everyone “discovers” the greeting card in the apartments that says something about “playing your cards right” and now it is field trip time. Heidi will not be there because she can't be bothered.

Tim meets everyone at a Hallmark store and people talk about how impressive it is. He introduces Amy Merchant who is the “director of branding” so they can pretend greeting cards are works of art and also it's unconventional materials time! Amanda is excited which seems suspicious. The unconventional materials challenge is always ridiculous and the clothes end up being a hot mess. Also I'm wondering if they have enough of any one card design to make a whole outfit out of. I'm guessing not. One day challenge. I think we should just assume all challenges are one day since so many of them are now. I think a lot of people are just shoveling cards into bags hoping to get some idea of what to do when they get back to the workroom.

Tim reminds everyone Ashley has immunity which she must be so pleased about. She can do some crazy shit. People are hollering around the room trading cards for stuff they want. Edmond knows what he wants to do but he's decided not to tell anyone because they might steal his idea. The producers prompt him in confessional and they have to promise him no one else will hear his interview. Then he doesn't even say anything, just babbles about uniqueness. I have the feeling he will produce some ridiculous nonsense. Lindsay had hoped this challenge would be later in the season because I guess she hasn't watched the show. They always do this the second challenge, and if it's not the second challenge, it's because it was the first challenge. Kelly's going to make fringe and she somehow thinks no one else will. Swapnil announces to everyone that there are labeled machines that will sew heavy duty materials. Blake asks him if he set that up for everyone. You know damn well the producers told him to make that announcement. Swapnil doesn't seem to understand Blake, who finally says he doesn't know how to speak Indian so he can't say it. The room rolls their eyes and groans so there's that. Seriously Blake. Swapnil says he just plans to ignore Blake. Blake, meanwhile, is such a dumbass he's interviewing about how he just doesn't have a filter and people think he's mean but really he's adorable. I hope you go down in flames. You aren't adorable, you're an asshole who thinks his looks will forgive all. Welcome to the internet. Also “Indian” isn't a language so you can't even be racist properly. Lots of flailing.

Tim Time! Ashley is constructing a poncho. Tim reminds her everything should be like fabric. Swapnil has all black and white for the bodice, and he's cut flowers with colors for the skirt. Lots of work. Blake has a mullet hem and glitter because mullet hems are terrible and so is Blake. Merline describes her dress (I haven't heard her annoying self so that's good) and then Tim asks her how her model is getting in and out of her dress. Since when has that mattered, Tim? That never matters. Lindsey has a bunch of metal and Tim likes it so we'll see. Edmond has a wedding gown. That's the big secret. Candice has silver foil, and Tim tells her not to put any black in it, which I think is going to make her look like a baked potato. Hanmiao's dress looks like a bunch of envelopes up close, but from arm's length it does looks like colorblocking. Kelly thinks that her being self-taught makes her better than everyone who went to school because they can't work with paper. Whatever. David claims he never works with color. What? His top is a crop top that is stiff and it reminds me of Joseph's look from last week. Tim hates it so David throws it away. Gabrielle has really thin strips which looks cool but she has one shoulder done right now. Laurie has too much muslin showing. Joseph gets “very Kate Spade” which should get him nailed for copying. But it probably won't. Amanda draped a full skirt but you can't drape cardstock.

Five hours to go. David calls home, which is generally not the best sign. He also gets childhood pictures and tragic backstory. His husband says to be himself. So he goes back to the workroom and makes a muslin hoodie and finds glitter from somewhere. I'm not sure how he is going to cover that in cardstock, or argue that it is unconventional somehow. Model fitting. Not a lot happens. David's hoodie is basically fabric covered in “Hot Damn!” letters he took off cards. It is not enough unconventional materials. Blake has had a similar idea and just made a skirt in muslin and covered it in glitter. He may have taken the glitter off of cards but come one. You're cheating the system and we all know it. Everyone burns themselves with hot glue guns. Merline is upset because her garment doesn't give her goosebumps. David still has a jacket made of muslin. Amanda made the same skirt Korina made, where it's all tabs of fabric. You can see it's just folded-over pieces. It's not terrible. Blake smirks about it, like he's speechless at how terrible it is, but you covered fabric in glitter so don't get on a high horse about how great you are. Edmond, out of nowhere, made a dress that looks VERY similar to Leanne's finale collection, with all the petals. It's impressive but also makes me miss Leanne.

Runway day. Two hours. Joseph is just hoping to be safe. I think Kelly and Candice feel confident. I miss you Scott. Blake is getting makeup because of course he is. Gabrielle finished her dress but then she can't get the zipper open. Did she paint over it? Lots of very careful dressing. Amanda feels that the long rectangle in the front of Merline's look is not a loincloth but a “manatee penis”. This shows such an ignorance of what a penis actually looks like that I'm concerned for Amanda.

Guest judge is Ashley Tisdale. Swapnil: sleeveless top, like a button down shirt, in shiny white with black shoulders. I think there are different card pieces over her shoulders and her bust and her waist. The skirt is a bell-shaped white skirt with cut-out flowers in lots of colors. It really looks like real clothes. Ashley: mustard poncho with geometric shiny gold cutouts. It's a poncho with arm slits in the front and the shape is like a teabag. Not much else to say. Joseph: strapless bodice, white with black polka dots, and a hot pink skirt. The skirt is very stiff and stands away from her in front, almost like she's pregnant. Also it hits below the knee. The whole thing is stiff. David: gray hoodie with glitter. One side says “Hot Damn” but it's all fabric. Jake: short strapless black dress. It looks like glitter but I think it may be black glitter cards? I don't know because I don't remember this dress at all. He must be safe.

Candice: silver foil strapless cocktail dress. It's not setting the world on fire but she's not flashing anyone so there's that. And it looks like fabric. Hanmiao: boxy dress with a big white collar and different cards over it, like colorblocking. It looks like a mosaic print fabric. I like it. Gabrielle: sleeveless shift dress, with a rounded hem. The hem comes down in front but the rest of the dress is a straight hem that is pretty short. The dress is made of thin strips of cards in various colors. Unfortunately they radiate from her navel and are shades of red and pink. Laurie: strapless dress in gold, with a ruffle at the hem. The skirt is stiff, of course, and they cut to Heidi and Nina looking judgmental. Blake: strapless dress with a mullet hem, covered in pink and purple glitter. Around her hips are some card pieces, because it looks spiky, but mostly it's fabric.

Lindsey: grey sleeveless dress with a midi skirt, and some gold accents. It's really boring. And lumpy. Kelly: short skirt made of paper fringe, and a bra top in a print. It's so tacky. The top has a cutout between her boobs. Then there's a hood. Amanda: black top that is kind of stiff but not exciting. I mean it tries to be exciting. The bottom is mostly pink, except for one panel int eh front that is a floral print. But the floral panel doesn't line up with the pink part, and it isn't random enough to be on purpose. It looks like she got sloppy with it. The whole skirt is made of loops of cardstock that lie kind of flat but not really so there's a lot of volume. Merline: it looks like she just slapped some cards on her model, shaded them blue somehow, and then made a skirt with a loincloth panel that hangs down past the hem of the skirt. It's so sloppy and nothing goes together. Edmond: white strapless wedding gown with a fitted bodice and a skirt made of big white paper petals. It's very striking but it's so much something we've not only seen, but seen on this show.

Swapnil, David, Blake, Amanda, Kelly, and Edmond get called out as the top and bottom. How exactly did Merline escape being in the bottom? Or Joseph? You guys suck. Before everyone leaves they yell at Ashley for sucking and for “not following the rules” because there was muslin on her look. Oh you'd better yell at Blake and David for that same thing. At least in Ashley's look you can't easily tell it's muslin. Also there are four high scores and only two low scores. What? This show is terrible. ALSO TERRIBLE: Blake is in the top. Nina says it looks like fabric. IT IS FABRIC NINA. It's fabric covered in glitter. Please tell me when they look at it up close they mention this fact. also on the top. Am I crazy? OK she made a hood out of paper, and that's cool, but this isn't even enough to be a crop top. It's a bra. But then Heidi says the bottom is “too showy”. HA! “Short, tight, and shiny” is practically your motto so don't give me that. OK Nina wants more sophisticated. I don't feel like I don't have fashion sense. As much. Amanda painted some lace, then lined it, and then more volume in the skirt. Zac likes the top fine, but the bottom is not great. Nina doesn't like the pinata skirt. Are you telling me this is worse than Blake? Come on. Everyone loves Edmond's dress, which I agree is fantastic, but is no one going to mention how it's basically Leanne? Apparently not, they're just going to say how great it is. Swapnil has a great top, and the skirt is 3-D. It does look like real clothes and it fits really well. Also the back of the top has lines that all line up. David does not mention how he used fabric for basically the whole thing, but everyone slams him. Heidi has to say she loves it though. It's a giant hoodie, Heidi. Nina kind of rolls her eyes and says it's not really creative so cool your jets.

Everyone cries in the Scrap Bin. Amanda cries out of anger because she feels other people had shittier looks. It's true. Everyone loves David's look, which I do not agree with, but they do agree he didn't follow the rules. Amanda has a beautiful top but the skirt is not good. Heidi complains it's not fashion forward but you're saying Joseph's huge skirt was fashion forward? Whatever. They love Kelly's top but there may be a question of taste. Zac discovers the fabric underneath all of Blake's glitter, but then Tim says “but it's from the card” and they dismiss it. I guess they're talking about the lining, which we never saw until now. And which I'm sure doesn't extend to the bodice. Not one word about Edmond's inspiration, but a terrible, terrible statement from Nina about how Edmond's bodice is all pieces with the “Hallmark Signature” logo on it and he branded his look and “it's about celebration” and I will vomit. Not one word about Leanne. Swapnil did a lot of work and it's very impressive.

Edmond is the winner, which is dumb. “Your dress looked different from any other on the runway.” Yeah, THIS runway. He gets immunity. Well this season pissed me off in just the second episode! Usually it takes three or four. Swapnil, Kelly, and Blake are in. Amanda is in, so David is out. I'm mostly fine with that, because he didn't follow the challenge and basically made a big hoodie with words on it. He's too upset to say much more than he wishes he could go further.

Next week: I'm not sure because the recording cut out. They appear to be on a cruise ship. My DVR says they are supposed to do a day-to-night look and be inspired by travel.


Kitty said...

Your recaps are always great. Thank you!

Stacy said...

Blake is awful. The racist comments he made to Swapnil are never okay. Props to Swapnil for not getting too upset. If people had talked like that about my ethnicity, I'd probly have cried. Or tried to throttle them. Or both.

Unfortunately, Blake totally lucked out on the guest judge selection. I remember Ashley Tisdale best for the High School Musical TV films where her character was Sharpay the popular rich girl/stage diva. Glittery, pink, purple, junior prom meets Bratz dolls was EXACTLY the style Sharpay would have lusted after.

So of course Ashley would give that sparkle-fest high marks. I still don't know how Joseph's stiff, pink hippo hips skirt didn't make the Bottom 3. And it seemed like only half of the judges liked Kelly's cropped hoodie and fringe skirt.

(Maybe 2 seasons of worth of Amanda "my brother's in Maroon 5" Valentine, Princess of Fringe has made even Heidi tire of that feature?)

Ashley's lucky she had immunity or she would have been in the bottom instead of Amanda Perna.

*signs I watched too much Disney Channel as a tween: I remember Ashley Tisdale co-starring with the lovely Brenda Song on Seite Life of Zack & Cody. Brenda's character was hotel heiress London Tipton (a Paris Hilton knock-off role originally cast for Ashley, before they decided to make her be the Mary Sue Perfect Employee Maddie Fitzpatrick.)

Too bad Brenda wasn't judging along with Ms. Tisdale. They we could have a great joke set-up about an Ashley and a Tipton critiquing a contest named Ashley (Nell) Tipton.

Anonymous said...

I'm still not seeing the resemblance between Edmonds dress and anything Leanne Marshall's ever made