Saturday, March 14, 2015

King of the Nerds 3/13/15--"The Nerdtastic Finale" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams were disbanded and the nerds had to compete individually. The Nerd War was a game where you get a category and take turns naming items in the category, but with nerd subjects ranging from the drivers in Mario Kart 8 to elements of the periodic table. Ben somehow managed to do really well and win immunity. Lily and Amanda were the worst, and had to battle for immediate elimination. Amanda lost. The Nerd-Off was a game of Stratego, and it ended up being Raychelle and Lily. Lily is the weakest player in the house, but it turns out she plays Stratego a lot so she managed to win. Eh. Then all the eliminated contestants came back because the finale involves voting and popularity for some reason. (click for more)

Lily wonders how she got here. Yeah I wonder that too. Someone has to explain the altar of everyone’s items from their Nerd-Offs. Raychelle is almost not as upset to have lost, because now everyone’s back to hang out. Heather decides to rank the boys in the house by who she would be most attracted to. First of all, she puts Colby and Todd, the two big guys, last, so shut up Heather, and then second, why in the hell are you doing this in the first place? No one wants to hear how you’ve ranked them in attractiveness. Also didn’t you loudly tell everyone you were bisexual? Why didn’t you put the girls in your ranking? I did not miss Heather. Wait, never mind, someone asks her that. She forgot Ori, and claims it’s because she doesn’t view him as sexual. Sigh. Lily says she should be “queen” (she’d be KING like the other two women before her so get it right) because she is passionate and accepting. Todd thinks everyone is worthy of his pledge. Amanda claims she doesn’t know who she’s voting for. Sure Amanda. Kaitlin asks Colby for his vote. Do it Colby. Kaitlin’s the best. Colby is the best too, which is why I think Heather should have ranked him higher.

So it looks like people are assuming that once you vote for a finalist, you will be helping them in a challenge, so what you need to do is make sure you get votes from people that will complement your skills. For example Kaitlin doesn’t know pop culture that well, so she would try to make sure she gets someone who can fill in that gap. However I think Kaitlin and Colby might be unstoppable and I would certainly hope so. This is also why Amanda is claiming she doesn’t know who to vote for, since Jonathan knows a lot of stuff and doesn’t necessarily need her. Kaitlin goes to Colby, Ori, Todd, and Thomas, all people who were “rejected” by the dumb secret alliance. Colby asks who screwed her the least? Or maybe he’s saying he’s voting for who screwed HIM the least? Kaitlin then tells all of these guys that there was a final 6 alliance, which didn’t include any of them, and she’s the only one left who WASN’T in it. Immediately Ori high-fives her and Thomas says that’s an excellent reason to side with Kaitlin. I love it. I don’t know that Kaitlin is emotionally attached to anyone here, or if she’s personally offended that the alliance didn’t include her. But she knows enough to use that fact to get everyone to back her up. I really hope she wins. Ori interviews it’s like the “cool kids” deciding how things will be, and Colby says having an alliance is “a mockery of nerddom”. OK let’s not go that far. It’s a game show with voting so of course there’s an alliance. I liked the idea of a cross-teams alliance, but it was far too big to last (I mean Jonathan jumped ship when there were still eight people left) and I didn’t like any of the people in it. But just an alliance in general? Not a problem. Colby says Kaitlin probably has all the “misfits” in the house. Wait, isn’t that like a movie? Something…”Revenge” something? Hee.

Jonathan is making a spreadsheet about who is going to vote for whom. Sigh. Heather is voting for Jonathan. Thomas tells him that he’s either voting for him or Kaitlin. Kaitlin’s been the most honest, but Jonathan supposedly is the most representative of a king of nerds or something. Ben appears to maybe not have anyone.

It’s voting time! Jacob pledges to Jonathan, as does Thomas. Ori goes for Kaitlin and is a dork with offering his sword to her and is so Ori about it. Todd says something about redemption and then pledges to Lily. BOO. I mean I get how you are trying to prove you’re not a jerk but she sucks. Colby goes for Kaitlin so I hope all people are defeated. Heather goes to Jonathan and Amanda to Lily. Raychelle goes to Jonathan. Wait didn’t Jonathan double cross Heather to get her eliminated? She is not a person to see past gameplay to vote for a good contestant so does she not know about it? Ugh. So to recap: Jonathan has Jacob, Thomas, Heather, and Raychelle. Kaitlin has Ori and Colby, and Lily has Todd and Amanda, so half of her team is made up of a person who hates her. Ben has no one. Why does Jonathan have so many people? Dumb.

The challenge is to have a quiz bowl. Only two of them will survive. Luckily Ben isn’t automatically out because no one voted for him. But all you suckers have to go against Colby in Quiz Bowl and I hope he helps Kaitlin destroy all of you.

So the quiz bowl involves some CGI thing. Nerd Prime. Todd says it looks like Worf and a Yeti had a baby. I think it’s maybe a puppet? Actually I can’t tell which is pretty great either way. Nerd Prime will ask questions and the first to buzz in will get a point. You can use a supporter to answer a question, but they can only answer one question each. First to five wins. So you can’t waste your supporters. Lily says she’s going up against three doctors. Then she says they’re not Time Lords, and then explains that’s a Doctor Who reference. I think we all figured that out, LILY.

Lily shrieks about her buzzer not working, and Kaitlin gets a question about “Lord of the Rings”. Ben scoffs at how Kaitlin supposedly knows pop culture after all, but Jonathan got it wrong and so even I knew the answer. Jonathan is starting to do well, also Kaitlin, and no one has used their helpers. Kaitlin buzzes in for a movie question, and luckily Colby knows. You have to buzz before you can figure out if your helper knows the answer, so what if they don’t? Does that still count so you wasted them? Lily eventually gets a point, and then another one. Boo. Ben eventually is the first to five points, so don’t feel bad that no one supported him. Heather gets a question wrong, which is lame, so the point goes to Kaitlin. Suddenly Jonathan and Kaitlin both have four points. Kaitlin buzzes in, without even really listening to the question. She has no idea. Jonathan gets it right. Awwww. Kaitlin! I mean, bye Lily, but I hate that Kaitlin is out. I guess I’ll root for Jonathan since he successfully double-crossed his alliance and then got them to support him.

The whole group goes back to Nerdvana to party. Lily thinks they should play charades. She says it in a really annoying way, bossy and loud and maybe it’s because I don’t particularly like her but shut up Lily. Jonathan says he and Ben are carefully not drinking. Meanwhile both Jacob and Todd have stripped down to underwear. Actually most people have taken their pants off and have Underroos on. Why? Drunk people, you guys. Jonathan, as a mostly sober person, says that Heather and Jacob both have crushes on each other but fail at follow through. He decides to be Nerd Cupid for the evening. Hee. Hilariously when Jonathan goes to Jacob to tell him Heather’s into him, he’s like “I know, I’m not stupid.” Hee. Heather’s protestations that she has no game are really true, though, because she’s telling Jacob she’s not normally into dudes. That is maybe not the best line. She babbles about Donkey Kong, and Jacob looks uninterested. Then she makes out with Amanda. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

In the morning Heather puts all the responsibility on Jacob, like, he can kiss me if he wants but I don’t have crushes on men so I don’t know what to do. Well making out with SOMEONE ELSE is maybe not the thing to do. Jonathan’s T-shirt says “crystal math” and is hilarious. The final Nerd-Off is to play seven “nerd games” head to head. Colby references “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Journey” because Colby is awesome.

First up is speed chess. You have five minutes to play. The first person to run out of time loses. As they start playing Jonathan casually tosses off that he used to be in chess club. He keeps talking about what he’s doing and how he doesn’t like chess, but his distraction isn’t working. All of a sudden, in no time at all, Jonathan says “checkmate” and wins. Nice.

Second: Tekken Tag Tournament. I like fighting games but I always just button mash. Jacob shares my strategy. Thomas says he doesn’t know who is who, and Heather, I think, says Ben is “underboobs and cats”. Hee. Ben figures out the special moves, and then Jonathan notices there are instructions on the console, so he does one too and wins. Jonathan is up 2-0.

Third: a crossword puzzle. If neither one is done in five minutes, the winner is the person who has the most correct answers. Jonathan fails at spelling “Troi”. Come on. At least he eventually fixes it. Lily points out it’s like watching golf, which is true. Eventually Jonathan gets stuck, and sits down and stares at the board. With one minute to go, he gets up and starts scribbling. Turns out if both of them have the same number of correct answers, then the winner is the person who has the most correct letters. So he’s writing E in all the spaces. Just in case. It doesn’t matter though, because Ben had more correct answers anyway.

Fourth: uh…some dress forms wearing shirts and pants and pocket protectors. You must place the various pens in the pocket protector in the correct order according to the logic puzzle. Jacob wonders why you would use a pocket protector when you could just buy a pen that wasn’t shitty. Ben ends up winning this one too. Bleh. Tied 2-2

Fifth: “Nerd-quation”. Use the numbers on five cards to create an equation to equal the number on the sixth card. Jonathan the mathematician somehow is beaten by Ben. What in the hell. Ben is now leading 3-2. Todd asks where the hell this math skill was when they had to solve math problems and they didn’t and Todd was eliminated. An excellent question.

Sixth: Connect Four. Awesome. Jonathan goes first, and much is made about how the person who goes first has the advantage. Yeah if you play perfectly. Ben places a checker and Jonathan jumps up and down because he wins. Colby interviews that Ben will rue the day he placed that checker there. “I mean you’re gonna rue the day it came down to Connect Four in general, but that move!” Hee.

Seventh and final game: “The Griddler”. It’s those logic puzzles where you get a grid with numbers on the sides, and when you color in the right squares you get a picture. I LOVE THOSE. Love. You don’t understand it is my favorite. I would destroy this puzzle. They seem to both know how to do it. Jacob points out that Jonathan has won every head-to-head competition, but Ben has won every “solve this puzzle faster” competition. Jonathan finishes first, but he’s so messy he’s wrong. Ben knows what the picture should be, so he’s trying to fix mistakes. But he’s too slow! Jonathan wins! I guess I would be mostly OK with Ben winning, since he did get their on his own merit and by knowing a ton of stuff. But Jonathan played the game really well and is dorkily excited about things. Still wish Kaitlin had won though. Jonathan makes a speech about how everyone is a strong competitor and whatever. Love and rainbows for everyone. Barf. Jacob says you can love whatever excites you. Like say, trashy reality shows. Hee.

Thanks for reading!

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