Thursday, September 30, 2010

Project Runway 9/30/10--"There's a Pattern Here" summary

Previously on Project Runway: “advertorials”! Last minute stupid twists that involve complete new outfits! Everyone had to make a “high fashion” look for a magazine, then Tim came in halfway through and demanded a ready-to-wear look also. Everyone badmouths everyone else. In the end, Mondo wins, which is cool because he also wins $20,000. Ivy finally is eliminated, because this time she can’t blame her boring clothes on someone else. (click for more)

Valerie is shocked to still be in the competition. Now she wants to fight for Ivy. Pleh. Valerie says Ivy was her friend and encouraged her. I wonder what she thought when she saw last week’s episode where Ivy said her drama was wearying. Gretchen thinks Mondo is her biggest challenge. He didn’t think he was going to win, he thought Andy would win. Mondo is not threatened by Gretchen, or at least not as much as by Andy.

Heidi is wearing something much too short, but it has long sleeves and a high neck so she’s following her criticism of Michael’s outfit last week, I guess. She wants them to start from scratch.

In the workroom there are childhood pictures of everyone on their computer screens. Michael looks like his son. Cute! Mondo was a sharp dresser even as a child. Hee. Now everyone is missing their families and whatever. Tim tells them that this is the HP challenge where they can make their own fabric design and make clothes from that. That was pretty cool, actually. It’s a good challenge. There’s an HP person there too, but she’s pretty much an advertisement for HP. An “advitor”, if you will. That’s “advertisement” and “editor”. Hey, if “advertorial” is a word then I can make up words too. They will get $100 at Mood, and they’ll get their fabric tomorrow.
Everyone looks at everyone else’s pictures. Mondo dressed up as a matador once which is something he would wear today. Valerie is inspired by her dad, and is making a print with blue lines like a blueprint. Michael is making a circular print with red eyes and black background with white checks. Gretchen is making squash blossoms. Not like, realistic ones, but the ones you get on necklaces. April is making a print with hearts, but each heart has a person in it, and they’re small enough you can’t see all the details. Mondo’s mom had him when she was young and she told him not to tell people. He is making a bright magenta print with squares. It’s very Mondo. He says it’s actually based on a plus sign, “which is based on…you know…my HIV+ status.” Woah. He hasn’t told anyone for 10 years. Including his parents, because he doesn’t think they know how to deal with it. But he wants to tell them. Tim collects them to go to Mood. Andy’s print is layered circles. Chris has something abstract. I’m still kind of processing Mondo’s announcement.

They start working, and Tim shows up to announce “special guests” whom they should be nice to. Chris thinks it’s clients. They show a lot of “Oh my God!” and crying, then a commercial, then the loved ones come in. Pretty much everyone is crying. Gretchen at first is like “all these babies crying about their mammas” but she then segues into “my mom has a hard life and now I am crying” and did Seth from “Top Chef: Just Desserts” sneak into Parsons? Apparently they made Gretchen’s mom come in way after everyone else so she would think her mom wasn’t coming. It looks like everyone’s mom showed up, except Michael’s son is here too, and Chris’s mom isn’t here, just his boyfriend. But he’s been with him for 10 years, so it’s like a marriage. Tim says the workday is over, so they can hang out for the rest of the day with their loved ones.

Everyone escapes the workroom to go outside and hang out at restaurants and April and her mom get pedicures and whatever. They all talk about what’s happened, Mondo and that period when he didn’t think anyone liked him, and how they threw Michael under the bus, and how Valerie wanted to quit, and all of that. Chris’s husband is very supportive. Gretchen’s mom appears to be similar to Gretchen. Mondo’s mother brought him a bracelet as a gift, and he decides he doesn’t want to ruin her first time in New York and bring her pain by admitting he is HIV+.

The next day, it’s Valerie’s birthday. Everyone basks in the glow of seeing their family members. Some people are rejuvenated, but some are off their game now. Mondo wishes Valerie “Happy 43rd”. She’s taking the time to make patterns. Andy is still not in the zone, and he’s not inspired.
Tim time! April has a lot of black, and a black and white print. Tim tells her he appreciates the emotions she has, but the judges won’t care. Michael needs to make sure it fits. Chris wants to make a shell. I don’t know. Tim tells him he’s over designing a pant. Gretchen gives him a C+. Andy is flailing. He’d rather be home with his family. Michael actually says he likes what Gretchen’s doing. She’s sort of not keen on something, but she wants to put her model in it first. Valerie is making an ice skating outfit, says Tim. No puu-puu platter of construction methods! Mondo won’t tell Tim what the print is about, but Tim loves it anyway. He tells everyone that he is proud of them and gets verklempt.

Model time. Andy makes shorts. Chris’s pants make his model look old. Suddenly everyone is going home for the night.

Andy thinks his look is just OK, and he knows it might not be enough. For some reason everyone says Michael’s print looks like Andy’s. The girls do anyway. But they only show shots of Michael’s print, and then no one interviews about it, so who knows. Valerie wants to win. Everyone is already hard at work when Tim shows up and gives them an hour. Michael sings for some reason. Andy says Michael’s grown on him. Then we see Andy’s print is light gray circles on black, and we know Michael’s print is dark and angular. Nice try, girls. Hey, what was with all the previews of cheating?

Heidi is wearing something ridiculous again. Guest judge is Rachel Roy. You know…I think Heidi is wearing hot pants. April: one shouldered short black dress, with one long sleeve in her print, that looks like hearts, the skirt is a lot of pieces of fabric so it’s poofy and cute. Andy: shorts in black and a sleeveless top that looks like a button down top I can buy anywhere. I think there is also a vest. His print is nice but not super exciting. Mondo: high waisted pants in his print, which fit wonderfully, and a cropped jacket in black with a handkerchief top in a gray checked pattern. Those pants are awesome. Valerie: short dress. The top has two long panels over her boobs and then the rest is sheer. The skirt is ruffly and full and I think that’s where the pattern is, but her pattern is blue lines on black so it’s hard to see. Under the ruffles, at the hem, is a plain band of black. Gretchen: high waisted black pants, with a drawstring? And a sleeveless top with a racerback and a weird v-neck. It’s not that exciting. The back of the pants has a weird loop so it looks like a flap over her butt. Michael: the bodice is in his print, which is purple and geometric, and there are small wings over her boobs, and some yellow accents and piping. It looks OK. The bottom is a plain black skirt. Chris: off the shoulder blouse in an abstract blue ray print, and weird wide-legged pants with a giant exposed zipper.

Everyone has to stay on the runway today. They like Gretchen’s outfit, and Heidi likes the butt flap. Kors calls it “disco earthy” but her squash blossoms in her print are spaced unfortunately on her boobs. Nina is disappointed, as it’s just fine. Rachel thinks it’s “almost” there. Michael talks about the evil eye. Oh yeah, his print has red eyes on it. Heidi and the judges couldn’t see it either. Kors tells him that he tried to design over the print, since it wasn’t too visible, but the front panel looks like a necktie, with a belt over it. Yeah…he’s outlined the panels in the bodice in the yellow and it looks like a tie. Heidi likes that though, but she does say she hates the styling. Nina agrees about the styling. Chris’s print is supposed to be about the water, but Rachel can’t see that. Nina doesn’t think this is fashion, and that applies to other people as well. It’s boring. Chris doesn’t think every time someone goes out they should be loud, but it’s a TV show, so your designs do have to be loud all the time. Andy wanted to be more relaxed. The print is wearable but the outfit is weird. She’s’ not sexy but has hot pants on. Nina is disappointed because she knows what he can do. He explains how his visit from his mom threw him off his game, and he knows this isn’t him. Kors likes the print too, but the whole design is dumbed down. Kors sees a face in her top. Heidi thinks it’s unwearable. April explains her divorce print. Kors likes the top, and the contrast, but the bottom looks like strips of fabric she just stuck on there. Nina say over all it’s interesting. April cut her print just right so it lies straight up her arm. But the skirt seems to be the problem. Valerie’s skirt appears to be made of triangles. Heidi tells her it looks like her napkin dress from the party store, and they put them side by side and they do look sort of similar. Apparently to the judges they are identical. Kors says there’s no life in the fabric anymore. There are like four layers to the skirt, which looks sloppy, and the overall effect is heavy. Rachel doesn’t know her other work, but it needs to fit properly. Mondo tells the judges his print tells a story that is very personal, but he won’t tell them what it is. Nina says she wishes she knew what it was, and then they cut to commercial on shots of everyone looking serious and dramatic music. Please.

Anyway, after the commercial, Nina continues her sentence and says she loves it. The pants are fantastic and Kors loves the color and it’s sharp and when the model takes the jacket off Nina pretty much moans in ecstasy. Rachel says the print is perfect, but his life isn’t perfect, so it threw her off. Seriously? Anyway, Nina says she would put it in her magazine, and finally Mondo admits to everyone that he’s HIV positive, and the print is plus signs. You can tell it takes a lot out of him to admit it, but he doesn’t break down, which is awesome and makes me love Mondo more if that is possible. The other designers are crying, though, as he says he feels so much better. Good thing he went last.

In the Scrap Bin, I expected a lot of fawning over Mondo, but really, they just show Gretchen making it about herself, and saying she’s so glad to have been a part of that. Mondo felt that was the time to reveal his secret, and now he’s free. He felt he might never admit it if it wasn’t now.
Rachel says Andy’s was the worst. Unflattering but his print was fantastic. Valerie’s was super boring and ill-fitting. And the judges are still bitching that it was a repeat of her other dress. Chris had basic pants, a basic blouse, but at least it was constructed well. None of the judges can remember anything else he’s done. Oo, that’s a problem. Kors hates Michael’s dress, but Heidi likes it. Kors calls it “Annie Hall going to the country club”. Gretchen’s print was a good idea, she just didn’t do enough. Kors feels she is the best stylist. April used her print very well. Heidi thinks she is always unhappy in judging, but Rachel points out there are a lot of tortured designers that make pretty things. Of course they all love Mondo. Smart, chic, etc. The pants are joyous, but the print is based on something terrible. So they decide the message is to make something joyous out of bad news, which I don’t know if that’s what he was doing exactly but I like Mondo so I don’t care.

April is in. Mondo wins for the third time! Yay! Now he’s crying. Gretchen is in. Michael is in. Chris is in. Oo, Andy vs. Valerie. Andy is in. Valerie doesn’t seem very upset, but she’s proud of herself, and she goes around the room and talks about how everyone is awesome. Plus she apologizes to Michael. She’s sad to say goodbye because of how inspiring it was to work with other designers. Tim tells Mondo he’s proud. Mondo is scared of telling his family, but he seems prepared. So…no cheating?

Next week: make a dress for Heidi BORING. Gretchen throws things. Mondo is rude apparently. Also apparently there is cheating, but they said that last week and at least one week before that so WTF, Lifetime? OK I just saw a commercial where Lifetime would like you to believe the eliminated designers return and bitch at everyone and Tim tells someone “you will not be returning to the show” like he’s kicking them out. But he could have said “If you don’t turn this crappy design around, you will not be returning.” I mean…I know how producers work.
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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Top Chef:Just Desserts 9/29/10--"Glee Club"

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: Seth had, like, a complete mental breakdown. Maybe not complete, but pretty far. He failed to finish his Quickfire, burst into tears, forced the guest judge to comfort him, and then bitched at everyone when his “shopping” at the bar for the Elimination challenge didn’t go as planned. The actual challenge was to create a dessert inspired by a cocktail, which is pretty cool, actually. During plating Seth was overly subservient to everyone, to the point where he was in the way and agitating the whole kitchen. And he probably knocked all of Zac’s chocolate on the floor. Zac was OK, though. Erika won with her margarita bombe and Tim lost with his basil pudding that curdled. (click for more)

Why is this another extended episode, Bravo? You’re just adding in commercials and useless babbling.

Seth says he is “misunderstood”. He no longer cares if anyone forgives him or is nice to him anymore. Eric and Zac lament Tim’s absence, if only for the cigarettes he provided for them. Eric’s feeling good because his lack of technique and pretty plates hasn’t caused him to go home yet.

Gail has Sylvia Weinstock with her. She makes huge wedding cakes, not crazy cakes, but just extremely tall cakes with lots of sugar flowers. For the Quickfire, they must make a wedding cake. Interesting. Oh, but in 90 minutes. Zac thinks Gail has been snorting buttercream. They will get sheet cakes already baked, but they’ll be responsible for fillings and decorations. Winner gets immunity.

Malika doesn’t make wedding cakes so she’ll have to improvise. Heather C. just got engaged. I don’t think most people make wedding cakes. Heather says that fondant tastes like sugar, so you have to add flavor. Yeah, my sister says fondant doesn’t taste good. Danielle says she always uses buttercream. Seth’s never made a wedding cake before, so he decides to just ignore the challenge and make a plated cake and call it an engagement cake. You can’t just ignore the challenge whenever you feel like it. He thinks doing his own thing will make him win. Danielle is irritated he won’t even try. Erika is making Kahlua buttercream. Heather H. made her own wedding cake. Yigit jokes that Zac does not have a diva cake but a hot mess cake. Yeah…it looks like he tried to frost it with chocolate syrup. Eric realizes he is going to run out of buttercream, but he is no worse off than everyone else. Malika’s frosting is melting. She’s not going to finish again. She puts her top layer on crooked, takes it off, and a bunch of the bottom layer comes off too. As she’s freaking out and trying to fix it, Morgan comes over and calls her “Shakey” and tells her to quit shaking the table. Malika explains that Shakey isn’t her name. She’s not going to knock your cake over, calm down. She manages to get one layer done.

Heather H. snobs about how everyone else’s cakes suck, except for Malika, who is in tears. Both Heather H. and Seth comfort her, but it’s her second Quickfire failure. Heather C.: vanilla simple syrup and Nutella buttercream. There are three low layers with cut out fondant snowflakes. It looks simple but not super clean. No one’s does. Eric: pistachio buttercream and apricot brandy filling. He’s covered it in buttercream with roses and piped borders. Eh. Zac: toasted meringue, “fruit of the forest” jam, and dark chocolate ganache. The meringue covers the chocolate ganache, and then there are spiky chocolate pieces on the tops of the layers. Unfortunately meringue always looks melted to me. Erika: mocha explosion with Kahlua buttercream. Sounds good. It looks pretty too. Danielle: cream cheese lemon filling with strawberries and pistachios. The whole cake is covered in piped frosting, so it looks like a baked Alaska, and it’s tinted a light green. It’s a weird color and it kind of looks lumpy. Seth: “engagement cake” caramel chocolate mouse with marsala apricot jam and absinthe honey and olive oil dust. First of all, olive oil dust. Second, your fondant cracked which makes me pleased. He also basically says “I don’t know how to do the challenge so I didn’t bother, but I think this is my best dish ever.” Everyone looks down or away from him and they all look embarrassed. Gail calls him on it, and he says he knew he’d be in the bottom three so he said fuck it and decided to have fun. See, but when Hung decided to have fun and made his crazy cereal landscape, at least that was following the challenge. Sylvia tells him he should have made an effort. Yigit: passion fruit, vanilla and lime soaked cake with vanilla orange diplomat cream. His cake also has vertical piped frosting and a weird half circle on top. It sounds good though. Heather H.: lemon and orange zest buttercream. It’s a beautiful cake with pretty flowers. Morgan: Italian cream cake with coconut rum syrup, cream cheese icing and toasted pecans. It’s pretty nice looking. Sylvia asks him what he thinks of wedding cakes, and he kisses her ass, which she says is a good answer. Malika: aww. While she was waiting to be judged the cake literally fell apart. There is a piece of it that is now on the workbench. Heather H. doesn’t know what’s wrong with people as she’s never been this upset about a dessert not turning out. Malika says there is coconut custard with cardamom and vanilla, and raspberry jam. She hasn’t even plated a piece, but Sylvia and Gail demand tastes. They’re super nice to her too.

Sylvia tells everyone that they did a great job in the timeframe. Seth is on the bottom, as he didn’t even try to do the challenge. Also in the bottom are Malika (delicious though), and Eric (sloppy icing and uneven layers). Eric says the easiest thing to do is get the layers even so this is the most embarrassing moment of his life. Erika’s cake has nice detail work and is tasty, Morgan’s cake is clean, and Heather H. had a delicate cake. The winner is Erika. Oo, upset. Heather H. doesn’t think she should have won.

For the Elimination challenge, they will be on teams. Oh, we don’t have knife blocks here on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”. We have a cookie jar with fake cookies. Seth pulls a cookie that says “Glee” which is exciting until Malika pulls one with “Pep”. So it’s not what you think. Danielle notices that she is on a team with Seth, Zac, Yigit, and Heather C.--basically most of the people who had a conflict with Seth in the last challenge. Gail then calls in a glee club. …Sigh. Zac says that was totally him in high school which is unsurprising. Also there are cheerleaders and a fairly creepy mascot that I think is a sailor possibly. Creepy. Oh, it’s a mariner. I see. The glee club is called “The Rainbow Riders”. …I can’t. Seriously. They both need fundraising, which is why they’re going to have a bake sale. Heather H. was in band. As she says she’s been to band camp, we see a picture of her with a harp. Also unsurprising. 3 hours to bake today, and 30 minutes to prep at the school. The bake sale will be 2 hours long, and the school will give out tickets (worth $1). Each person has to make one thing. Wait…the school will “give out” tickets. So why doesn’t the school JUST GIVE MONEY TO THEM? This challenge hasn’t even started and I’m already annoyed. Also the winning team will get $5000, which would be $1000 for each person.

OK, now everyone must be embarrassed by high school photos. Zac, who clearly watches “Glee”, proceeds to label all the “misfits” in their group: Seth is the jock, Zac is the theater geek (and apparently flexible based on his photo), Yigit is the art kid, Danielle is the valley girl (who totally looks like my downstairs neighbor in her senior portrait), Heather C. “is like the girl who just got broken up with, over and over and over again. The one who’s always crying.” The pep squad group is going more “bake sale” than “pastry chef”. Seth insists on doing a financier, which is a cake without crumbs so business people don’t mess up their suits, because “that’s the only thing I feel comfortable making for a bake sale.” Danielle tells Heather C. she shouldn’t make a whoopie pie because Yigit is already making something with marshmallow and chocolate. She sulks, but I’m not sure why Yigit won that round. Danielle insists that a bake sale must have cookies. Eh…whatever. She’s making peanut butter cookies.

They make it seem like the three hours included the planning time so now they have two and a half hours left. Erika used to make money off her baked goods in elementary school, plus her team has Eric. The Pep team is making chocolate chip walnut cookies (Erika), peanut butter crispy bars (I think Rice Krispy treats, from Eric), toffee brownies (Malika), black and white cupcakes (Morgan), and dulce de leche cookies (Heather H). Eric discovers that Heather C. took all the peanut butter, not that she needs all of it, but because she wants to make sure they have enough. Morgan promptly gets pissed and takes all the butter. Ridiculous. Heather C. tries to convince Eric she’s not trying to screw him over on purpose. Once she measures out what she needs she gives it back to him, so then Morgan is all magnanimous about the butter. It’s still not enough peanut butter, apparently, so Eric mixes Nutella in too. That sounds fantastic. Seth is freaking out and claiming it’s not a financier if he can’t brown his butter but he doesn’t have time, and he totally thinks Johnny will notice, and I’m tired of his talking. THEN he has the balls to claim he’s trying to keep “under the radar”. Yigit is trying to keep everyone calm, but mostly he’s dealing with Heather and Seth. Glee team is making chocolate pudding cups with ginger (Yigit), strawberry shortcakes (Zac), coconut caramel cupcakes (Danielle), peanut butter cookies (Heather C.), and financier cakes (Seth). Wait, didn’t they tell Heather she couldn’t make whoopie pies because it was too much like Yigit’s dessert? Chocolate pudding is not the same as a whoopie pie. Seth puts coffee extract in his mix instead of vanilla, talks about it to the camera people, and Danielle pretty much rolls her eyes.

Johnny comes in to discuss things. He likes Nutella, and thinks Zac’s strawberry shortcake is ambitious. Malika admits her Quickfire screw-up. She is beginning to think competition is not for her. 30 minutes to go. Lots of last minute flailing.

Back at the house Malika is thinking of quitting. Heather H. knows she’s had a rough couple days. Seth is downstairs talking at Morgan, who has sympathy for Seth but knows Seth doesn’t understand a lot of stuff.

Bake sale time. Lots of students. Seth is helping, which Yigit is glad to see. Malika is now not quitting. The pep squad shows up with their creepy mascot and the Pep team yells and screams. Danielle tells her team that when the glee club shows up they need to be just as loud, and Seth says he’s depending on them to do it because he’s “in the zone”. I know he’s helping, and everyone is happy to see that, but it’s that kind of helping where you spend a lot of time going “Look at me helping!” and that is not useful. As promised, the whole team yells except Seth. Zac must represent his peeps. Seth has told his team that he can’t interact with children or he will curse. Yeah, probably. At least he is in the back plating things.

The judges show up to judge. Pep is up first, and Morgan gives the judges the last two cupcakes, as the rest have sold out. The “dulce de leche” cookie is two thin butter cookies, with chocolate and dulce de leche cream filling in between. Yum. The judges I guess taste everything, and like it, but they don’t say anything about Morgan’s cupcakes or Heather H.’s cookies. 15 extra minutes and you can’t mention that? Seriously?

Glee team. Zac put rainbow sugar on his shortcakes, of course, but he baked it in so it’s all mottled like rainbow sprinkles in a cupcake. Yigit’s pudding has caramel and chocolate, and it does have marshmallows, and hazelnut crumble. Seth’s cake has orange creamsicle sauce. Zac’s shortcake is dense. Yigit’s pudding has a lot of ginger, and Seth didn’t follow the challenge AGAIN because his cake is not a bake sale item. The cupcakes are dry. The peanut butter cookies are maybe too simple. Obviously, the producers would like you to know that the Glee team was the worst. But the winner is determined on how much money they made. The winner, by $10, is Pep. Somehow we are to believe $250 is enough to send the pep squad to cheerleading camp, but then Gail says that everyone can go on their trips anyway. Because Bravo is going to multiply the totals by 10, plus another $5000 for the school in general.

Commercial interlude: high school cheerleaders love Morgan. The end.

Pep gets to be judged first, as they won. So the reason we only saw them make comments on three desserts, is because those three were the top. Eric’s dessert was an elevated Rice Krispy treat, which was fantastic. Malika’s brownies were actually Eric’s recipe that she just added toffee too. Erika’s cookies were “the ultimate” according to Gail. Sylvia wants the recipe. However the winner is Eric. Awesome! He’s so pleased.

Danielle starts off for the losing team by saying that working together went better than expected, and that 4 of them made a lot of stuff and also interacted with the kids, but Seth never spoke to anyone and didn’t make an effort. Zac stands up for Seth and says he prepped all the desserts. Seth can’t even stop from interrupting Zac when Zac is defending him. Shut up, Seth. Seth says he was feeling great about their team until he got thrown under the bus. Danielle says she’s going to be herself and that’s her opinion, which the judges asked for. Yeah, but he actually was helpful, I think. Seth doesn’t help his cause, demanding Yigit stand up for him. This backfires when Yigit I think says yesterday he was helpful but not today. Heather C. then pipes up that she wanted to do a cookie, and Yigit tells her she wasn’t forced into anything, except that if she had stood up for herself they would have thrown her under the bus for that too, so what is she supposed to do? Heather all of a sudden is so flabbergasted she can’t form sentences. Seth starts talking about doing this “honorably” and I guess they all think Heather threw them under the bus, but she said she wanted to do something and they told her not to. That’s the truth. Seth is still talking about how they had fun and that they had to have a cookie and blah. Dannielle says the cookie was a great idea but it’s about execution which they haven’t talked about yet. Now is time to talk about food. Seth wanted to make kids get into things they never got into before and whatever, and Johnny tells him “Your role is not to educate people, it is to make delicious food and to make people happy.” Sadly it was perfect, but Johnny makes it clear that it wasn’t a bake sale dessert. Heather C.’s cookie was good, but too simple and maybe too dry. Danielle’s cupcakes were dry. Zac’s shortcake was too messy, but his biscuits dried out overnight and were too tough. Yigit’s pudding was very gingery, and he thinks it sold well, but it made the least money on the team.

Stew Room. Heather C. still doesn’t get why her team is pissed, and Yigit’s response makes it seem like he’s mad she just spoke up without waiting for the judges to make her defend herself. He says it’s selfish. The judges know they’re a dysfunctional team. Yigit complains this is his first time in the bottom, and Heather says she’s never been there at all, which of course irritates everyone because it’s no excuse. Yigit’s poor sales were due to too much ginger. Zac’s biscuit was not a biscuit, and he knew it. Heather really didn’t want to do a cookie, but Gail does remind everyone she took a backseat to make everyone else’s food better. But she could have done a better cookie. Heather is telling everyone basically what Gail said, and that apparently that was her own decision, to do what everyone told her to do. Both Zac and Eric try to explain to her that the judges would have been fine if she’d done a better cookie. Yeah, but they probably would have been fine with a whoopie pie too. Seth’s dessert did not belong at a bake sale. Johnny says he never plays it safe, but Gail responds that sometimes that’s because he refuses to do the challenge. Danielle’s cupcakes were dry, and Johnny for some reason takes offense to her “I do what I know and am true to myself” statement. Back in the Stew Room, Seth I guess is trying to shame everyone into being nice, because he’s still on how great the day was until Danielle threw him under the bus, and she just lays into him. She says he’s a piece of shit, he treats everyone poorly, and he stayed in the back not because he was such a helpful person but because he refused to interact with the students. Seth claims that part was a joke. It devolves into Seth saying his food was better so he won’t be going home so whatever.

Heather C. goes home, to no one’s surprise. She says she should have done what she really wanted to do. Yeah. She seems fairly calm.

Next week: Seth does not care if he pisses off everyone else here. Eric is frightened. Everyone talks shit about him in the Stew Room. Someone passes out.
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Monday, September 27, 2010

TAR17, Recap Leg 1, 9/26/10

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, which, in my opinion, was a bit too long. But we’re back, and this time departing from the EAST Coast, for the first time in six seasons. There’s lighthouses! And Gloucester! It’s dangerous! It’s beautiful! And it’s Phil! From the lobster boats, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Brook and Claire, AKA Team Infomercial, are hosts on a home shopping network type channel (what are we, describing a new Whose Line game?). Brook says they are communicators that manipulate. I just say you’re loud.

Chad and Stephanie, AKA Team Neverland are dating from Miami Florida. Chad bench presses Stephanie in their intro. Apparently he was a football player. And he has only been with Stephanie for eight months, but plans on proposing to her on the race. (Toyouke: “Oh Lord. Another proposal.”) Maybe she’ll say no.

Katie and Rachel, AKA The Beach Bunnies, are beach volleyball players from New Jersey, and have been partners for five years. They could be good.

Connor and Jonathan, AKA Team Glee, are friends and members of an a cappella group at Princeton. So they sing. A lot. Not that I mind. Connor: “Tenors are tough guys, bad ass, manly.” (Kmanpat: “Yeah, we are!” Toyouke: “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!”)

Nat and Kat, AKA Team ER, are heart doctors and surgeons, and self-proclaimed nerds. I’m going to like them.

Michael and Kevin, AKA Team Internet, are a father-son teams from Sugarland Texas. Hey, I have a great aunt and uncle there. Kevin, also known as KevJumba to his fan base, has posted a number of videos online featuring him and his dad. Kevin says that conflicting culture is funny. (Toyouke: “5 seconds in and I love Kevin and Michael even more than I already did.”)

Nick and Vicki, AKA The Geniuses, are dating from Las Vegas. They have tattoos. And Mohawks. And they look badass. But don’t let looks deceive you. . .

Ron and Tony, AKA The Stagemates, are best friends from Los Angeles. And that’s all we really need.

Jill and Thomas, AKA Team Who?, are dating. And outspoken. Hey, I skipped them originally when I started typing this section, so maybe they’ll impress me. (Toyouke: “Still bland and pointless.”)

Gary and Mallory, AKA The Hillbillies, are father-daughter from Kentucky. Mallory is the current Miss Kentucky. And dad still wishes she were a boy.

Andie and Jenna, AKA Team Adoption, are mother-daughter. But Andie gave Jenna up for adoption at birth, and so they met for the first time when they were applying for the show. And they are running the race to get to know each other. Yeah, we all know how that goes.

The camera careens to the Eastern Point Yacht Club where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is on their bags. They are to run to their bags, solve the clue to get their tickets, and then to get themselves to the airport, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Oh, but wait, there’s more. There is a new element to the race. The first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on a leg that they choose, either before they start it or during. (Toyouke: “"Express Pass"? Is this the new Fast Forward? I don't like it. “) Plus, teams have to drive themselves to Boston Logan in Smart Cars. (Toyouke: “HA Smart cars!!”) Once they arrive, only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight on American. Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. (Toyouke: “Woo! Eyebrow pop!”) GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Eastern Point Yacht Club, Gloucester, Massachusetts

Clue: Travel to London, England, United Kingdom! You may take one of two flights: American Airlines Flight 108, or Virgin Atlantic Flight 12, which departs a half hour later. To get tickets on a flight, teams must drive themselves to the airport. Only three sets of tickets are available for the first flight. Once in London, drive yourselves to Stonehenge. You have $100 for the first leg of the Race.

Teams find routes to the airport. Everyone piles into their Smart Cars. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Brook/Claire
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Nat/Kat
4- Chad/Stephanie
– Stephanie: “I’ve seen Stonehenge!” Chad: “Where? On TV?” Stephanie: “. . . yeah, because I've never been."
5- Nick/Vicki
6- Ron/Tony
– Ron: “We’re really good at navigating.” Foreshadowing, anyone? (Toyouke: “A compass is probably a good thing to bring with you.”)
7- Jill/Thomas – Thomas: “Oh, good, at least they speak English.” If he sticks around, later could be fun.
8- Andie/Jenna – (Toyouke: “ and daughter have never really spent any time together? They never even TALKED before their application video? WTF is that?”)
9- Connor/Jonathan – get lost right away. Jonathan: “I hope we get out of America.”
10- Katie/Rachel
11- Michael/Kevin

Teams drive to the airport and find the marked parking lot. Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Ron/Tony
2- Chad/Stephanie
– who promptly get in the wrong line to catch their flight. Marked flags, people. Do you not watch this show? (Toyouke: “Too bad Chad and Stephanie didn't get more lost. Idiots.”)
3- Jill/Thomas
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Brook/Claire
– Claire: “I feel sick.” Brook: “So puke in the trash can.”
7- Nat/Kat
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Nick/Vicki
10- Andie/Jenna
11- Connor/Jonathan
– (Toyouke: “Jonathan totally does look like Harry Potter.”)

Once everyone arrives, there’s the jockeying for position, especially from the lost Neverland team and the Beach Bunnies. But Neverland figures out that they need the second star on the right, not the big ass line on the left, and get the third set of tickets. Thus, the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1: American Flight 108
1) Ron/Tony
2) Jill/Thomas
3) Chad/Stephanie
Flight 2: Virgin Atlantic Flight 12
1) Gary/Mallory
2) Brook/Claire
3) Michael/Kevin
4) Nat/Kat
5) Nick/Vicki
6) Katie/Rachel
7) Andie/Jenna
8) Connor/Jonathan

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Yellow Lines across the Atlantic to London. Cue stereotypical shots of London! Teams leave Heathrow for Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas – Thomas gets in the wrong side of the car, and then gets lost.
2- Ron/Tony – they decide they need a map, but then get on the wrong road to Stonehenge. So much for good navigation.
3- Chad/Stephanie – apparently, Chad has a temper. Oh, great, more bag throwing in Berlin. (Toyouke: “Of course the team that is like "We have a fast-paced relationship and I am going to propose after 8 months" is the team that is having the most drama.”)
4- Brook/Claire
5- Nat/Kat
– we learn that Nat is a Type 1 diabetic. I wonder if something happens at some point.
6- Nick/Vicki – are lost. Please note: this is a trend.
7- Katie/Rachel
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Michael/Kevin
10- Andie/Jenna
– Andie has a hard time getting a hang of stick shift and burns out the engine. (Toyouke: “Aaaannndd another team fails to learn stick shift.”) Jenna is very supportive, but eventually they get help from:
11- Connor/Jonathan

Teams arrive at Stonehenge in the following order:

1- Nat/Kat – Kat: “Those are big fricking rocks.”
2- Jill/Thomas
3- Katie/Rachel
– and now Rachel has issues with the car, so Katie gets out to push. (Auburnium0513: “This is entertaining, stick shift flailing AND wrong side of the road flailing together. Excellent.”) And then the car takes off, leaving Katie. Hee.
4- Brook/Claire
5- Gary/Mallory
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Andie/Jenna
8- Chad/Stephanie
9- Nick/Vicki
– Vicki: “I’ve never heard of Stonehedge and find out it’s a bunch of rocks.” (Toyouke: “How can you never have heard of Stonehenge?”)
10- Michael/Kevin
11- Ron/Tony

Teams get the clue which tells them to go to “the castle that’s the opposite of Noreaster.” (Toyouke: “Real clue clue!”) Teams are to figure out that this means Eastnor Castle.

Teams drive themselves to Eastnor Castle and find their way to the Clue Box in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams are now instructed to storm the castle. Teams wear hoods as they climb up the side of the castle on a ladder. They are bombarded by peasants, and when they get to the top, they are to take one of the flags on the battlements. Teams then take the marked path to the moat, where they will find a Flo Boat (you know, TAR3, Vietnam, Flo meltdown, Boat, Bike, Boat, Bike, ZACK!!!, Boat, Nonelim, You win, blah, blah, BLAH!) and cross the moat to find a knight in shining armor with the same colors as the flag for your next clue.

Teams climb in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
3- Brook/Claire
– Brook: “We’re medieval!”
4- Chad/Stephanie
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Connor/Jonathan
– Connor: “We’re missing graduation for this.” Jonathan: “Do we have time for a bathroom?” Um, No.
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
– Vicki: “Are you a battlement?” (Toyouke: “At least they KNOW they're stupid.”)
11- Ron/Tony

Teams then run to the Flo Boats, and most of them flail as they get their balance. Once it’s all said and done, though, teams get to their knights and get their next clue in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Brook/Claire
3- Nat/Kat
4- Katie/Rachel
5- Connor/Jonathan
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory
– Gary: “Team Internet looks like carnies in a dunking booth.”
8- Michael/Kevin – (Toyouke: “See, I enjoy that Chad and Stephanie had trouble with the boat, but Kevin and Michael make me sad.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.


Who’s ready to go into battle with a knight in shining armor?

In this roadblock, one team member must mount the horse with their knight and travel through the battlefield. When the roadblocker dismounts, they must fire a Ballista, a giant slingshot, at a knight 50 feet away, and use watermelons as ammunition. Teams then find the jester to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Look! A jester!” Kmanpat: “Yet sadly, no jester stick.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Thomas
2- Claire
– you all know her from the viral video of her stopping the watermelon with her face. (John Vito: “You know how she stopped it? With her FACE!”) The funny part is that Brook shouts right before that shot, “Right in the kisser!”
3- Nat
4- Rachel
5- Connor
6- Chad
7- Gary
8- Kevin
9- Jenna
10- Nick
11- Tony

After much watermelon launching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jill/Thomas
2- Nat/Kat
– Nat: “You kicked his ass!”
3- Brook/Claire – Claire: “I made it my b1tch!”
4- Connor/Jonathan
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Chad/Stephanie
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Michael/Kevin
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
11- Ron/Tony

Teams must now get themselves on foot to the PIT STOP, the Eastnor Castle Meadow. The pit stop is somewhere on the grounds, and they must find it. (Toyouke: “That's not very much searching. I mean, they made it sound like it was over the river and through the woods.” Kmanpat: “To grandmother’s house we go!”) This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Jill/Thomas – who win the first Express Pass. (Toyouke: “The most boring team won. Woo.” Auburnium0513: “May I point out they said "first" express pass.”)
2- Nat/Kat – (Toyouke: “Why do people insist on wading through water for no reason?”)
3- Connor/Jonathan
4- Brook/Claire
– Claire: "I can't feel my face." Brook: "There are teams behind us, just run!" (Toyouke: “Yeah, that's super proud of your teammate right there.”)
5- Katie/Rachel
6- Gary/Mallory
7- Michael/Kevin
8- Chad/Stephanie
– (Toyouke: “Because Chad and Stephanie thought like I did, that the Pit Stop would be far away. But I would have looked around nearby first.”)
9- Andie/Jenna
10- Nick/Vicki
– Phil: “SO, what country are you in?” Vicki: “The country of London!” (Toyouke: “Even Phil is making fun of them.”)
11- Ron/Tony

And Ron and Tony are the first team eliminated. Ron: “I can always call Tony if I need him.” How cute.

1st – Jill/Thomas
2nd – Nat/Kat
3rd – Connor/Jonathan
4th – Brook/Claire
5th – Katie/Rachel
6th – Gary/Mallory
7th – Michael/Kevin
8th – Chad/Stephanie
9th – Andie/Jenna
10th – Nick/Vicki

Next week: The teams travel to a new country: Ghana! Connor: “I want my mom!” Mallory: “What do we do?” Apparently, pray. Until next time . . .
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Sunday, September 26, 2010

TAR17, Recap Leg 0, 9/26/10

Welcome back to the Amazing Race! Miss me? I thought so. First off, we have some excellent new countries to visit this year, and we get a nice stop over in Africa! Plus, I hear that we don’t start in LA for the first time in six seasons. Also, no married couples. We’re at eleven teams, so no monkey business from the producers, and Toyouke and her sister are nearby to throw in their two cents as always. The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Andie and Jenna, are a mother-daughter team from the Atlanta Georgia area with a twist: mom gave up her daughter at birth to an adoptive family. As per regular Race fashion, they are using TAR17 to develop their relationship. (Toyouke: “I hate to lump them into that group of stupid. But...they're using the Race to get to know each other better. I want to like them, but I'm afraid I won't.”) Otherwise, they seem fairly athletic and together. Barring any unforeseen drama, they could be successful. But they are an all female team. Prediction: Seventh Place.

Brook and Claire, are cohosts on the Home Shopping Network. They are also best friends. Brook is also a former beauty queen. Claire is the lovely lady that you see getting her face smashed in with a watermelon on Leg 1 in the video that seems to have made its rounds on the internet a few times at this point. (John Vito, TAR3: “Did you see how she stopped it? With her FACE!” Toyouke: “They seem too girly to do well.” Kyoko: “And I don’t even know which ONE you are, you both look 53. And you look older than Kelly Ripa. AND anyone know knows as much as a Wikipedia article on gemstones knows that you sell complete CRAP on the Home Shopping BS. PS BROOK I didn’t even read Claire’s bio because you are SO AWFUL.”) Um, yeah. And based on their singularity at the Roadblock, I’m thinking they either do very poorly, or persist in their presence. Prediction: Fifth Place.

Chad and Stephanie, are a YDC from Fort Lauderdale Florida. (Toyouke: “Have only known each other for 8 months, have been dating for 5 months, and have purchased a house together. Also she is a beauty queen. I smell trainwreck.”) Stephanie is also the FOURTH Miss South Carolina that has been cast in the last 17 seasons. And, unfortunately for us, beauty queens always do better than we’d like them to. Still, Chad could be eye candy. Prediction: Sixth Place.

Connor and Jonathan, were members of the Princeton a cappella group, the Footnotes. Connor is also student body president, and they both missed their graduation to do the race. I’m predicting fun and excitement. Plus, singing boys. (Toyouke: “I love someone who responded to "People would be surprised to learn" with "Dalmatians are born without spots". Also, they're vaguely cute.”) I think they’ll stick around, barring any cute but stupid moments. Prediction: Second Place.

Gary and Mallory, are father-daughter from Kentucky. And Mallory is out third beauty queen of the season. But she was fourth runner up, so that’s something. (Toyouke: “WHY, CBS? Why so many beauty queens? After you did so well showcasing gay couples, is this the next group you're trying to champion? Because so far, not working. At least this one isn't running with her boyfriend.” Kyoko: “My pet peeve is my dad is TOO NICE. Awwwww….shut up Mallory. Geez I am a bitter jaded person.“) Father-daughter teams don’t tend to run well, and they don’t seem like the Jim-Marsha type to me. Prediction: Eighth Place.

Jill and Thomas, are a YDC from Marina Del Rey California. And. . .? Yeah, that’s all I’ve got. (Toyouke: “Don’t forget fishcakes.”) Eye candy, but they seem boring. Prediction: Tenth Place.

Katie and Rachel, are friends and beach volleyball players from New Jersey. Wait, there are beaches on which to play volleyball in New Jersey? They look like a Kami/Karli or a Dustin/Kandice, but I’ve got a strong feeling about this group of ladies. (Toyouke: “You'd think with as many gay teams as they like to have, they'd have male eye candy more often. Hey, Brook and Claire, THESE two can get away with being bimbos. GOD they even look the same.”) Be it as it may, I think they are fishing for an all-female winner. Prediction: Winners, TAR17.

Michael and Kevin, are father-son from Sugar Land Texas, outside of Houston. My great aunt and uncle live in Sugar Land. Excellent. Not like I needed another reason to root for them. 1) Team Asian. 2) You may recognize KevJumba from all his great internet videos. 3) They are HILARIOUS. (Toyouke: “I really hope they continue to act goofy throughout the whole race and Michael says awesome things. I like them because they are hilarious. You like them because Kevin is a cute Asian. Done and done.” Kyoko: “THIS IS THE MOST ASIAN ACHIEVEMENT I HAVE EVER HEARD: ‘Own a business and have a stable family.’ I love Dad. LOVE him. Son is ok too.”) As a result, fan favorite, which dooms them to. . . Prediction: Fourth Place.

Nat and Kat, are friends that met in medical school and are now separated by distance. (Toyouke: “They have similar names which is stupid, but at least they don't look anything alike. Otherwise, I dislike them on sight. No reason, I just do.”) Yeah, I’m not feeling this team either. Prediction: Eleventh Place.

Nick and Vicki, are a YDC from Henderson, Nevada. I’ll let Toyouke describe them for you. (Toyouke: “It's like, Kynt/Vyxen + Lori/Bolo. I kind of like them, as they are like, anti-beauty queen. “) And both of those teams did decently well. So, with that kind of background, I think they could go far. Plus, they will probably not really associate with the other teams, which will help. Prediction: Third Place.

Ron and Tony, are friends, and our biggest chance for a team with ANY gay people this season. Ron is a choreographer, and Tony is getting his MBA. So, a nice blend of smart and artistic, plus big black guys are always fun to watch in Asian countries. However, this one could go either way and I only had one slot left. Prediction: Ninth Place.

And there it is. Don’t forget to tune in Sunday, September 26 at 7:30 pm CDT for the one and a half hour premiere. See you with the first recap soon!

Clicky clicky

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Project Runway 9/23/10--"Race to the Finish" summary

Previously on Project Runway: sportswear! Be inspired by Jackie O! But we can’t call her Jackie O because the Kennedys don’t like it. The judges were extra cranky because the challenge was changed last minute and what Tim told the designers to do is not what the producers told the judges they were supposed to do. Tim actually got up on the runway and argued with them. They cut that part. Mondo won, because he made something super cute. Mike D. had a mental breakdown, but it was funny and he knew it, and I thought his outfit was fine but the judges hated it and sent him home. (click for more)

Gretchen apparently is only now figuring out it’s a competition, as Mike D.’s presence was such a “present” to her. Seriously, her face is so smug, like she is laying down pearls of wisdom that we’ll want to copy down and bind in a pretty notebook with flowers. The boys lay around in bed. Chris and Mondo have to move in with the other boys and they don’t want to. Mondo doesn’t, anyway. Ivy says Valerie was “broken” by being on the bottom. Valerie says Ivy is a great person. Andy tells us it’s nice to be living with people he trusts again.

Heidi once again is making Tim fill the designers in on the challenge, possibly because she has no idea what it is. However, if they win this challenge they will be taking home “a big chunk of change”. Tim is waiting for everyone with Collier Strong (where’s he been?) and he says they must design a look for a L’Oreal Paris “advertorial”. High fashion and couture. Mondo is excited because he can do something over-the-top. The winner will get $20,000. Sweet. That is more than Mondo makes in a year. Actually, I think it’s more than most of these people make in a year. In front of the designers are pyramids of eyeshadow duos in different finishes. They’re going to have to use one of the finishes for inspiration. Mondo gets first pick, and he takes “Bright”. Ivy also takes “Bright”. The other finishes are “Crystal” (Chris and Valerie), “Matte” (April), “Metallic” (Michael and Andy), and “Velvet” (Gretchen). Tim cautions the room in general that if they don’t know how to work with velvet they probably don’t want to go literal if they end up with that finish. They get $300 to shop, because it’s a big look. And they get two days! Everyone cheers.

Sketching goes well, in that pretty much everyone knows what they want to do. At Mood Swatch, the puppy, barks over Tim until Tim pays attention to him. Hee. Mondo grabs some super bright color as always. Tim chases Swatch down.

April interviews that a lot of people are kicking back, knowing it’s a two day challenge. April herself, however, is working hard because “you never know”. Yeah, that’s probably a good philosophy on this show. Valerie bought silk, which is going to be hard to work with. Ivy has a lot of hand-fitting in her future. Mondo claims he’s not paying attention to anyone else but he knows who has issues. Gretchen gets all pissy because Mike C. happens to have the same colors as she does, so of course he copied her. Whatever. I think Michael’s color is darker than Gretchen’s, and it’s also a different type of fabric. Gretchen claims she’s not threatened but she is insulted that “some boundaries were crossed.” You don’t own colors. Then she says “Somehow, I’ve created a monster” as if in addition to owning the color she is responsible for Mike C.’s success. April tells her to calm down. Also I was wrong, Gretchen doesn’t know what she’s doing.

Everyone gets makeup consults with fabric swatches and super crazy makeup. I did miss Collier though. He’s pretty cool.

Tim time! Valerie has a lot of layers to sew and some rhinestones to put on her dress. Mondo has some crazy stripes, but crazy Mondo clothes are fantastic for an editorial. Andy says he has to come out on top because he’s been in the bottom too many times. He’s making a warrior costume, and Tim asks if he’s taking it far enough. Gretchen’s outfit looks like a robe. A velvet robe. Ivy’s “waves and crashing” causes Tim to make a face. He doesn’t want her to go pageant.
Gretchen tells Mondo that Tim said to her that the designers have to wow the judges or they’ll be out. I love that Mondo is drinking a Capri Sun. Gretchen “believe[s] in [her] heart” that she and Mondo are destined to be at Fashion Week. The models come in. Michael has his dress done, mostly, but a lot of people are still working with muslin. Andy is making a headpiece. Mondo’s model is much smaller than his dressform so he has to take in the bodice. A lot. It turns out he’s got to completely start over. Isn’t this his usual model? Doesn’t he already know his model’s measurements?

The next day no one is really excited about the amount of work left. Mondo wonders aloud to the sewing room if they’d let his model walk the runway in panties and a bustier. Of course they would.

Tim time! Actually, he says that he loathes what he is about to say, but he believes it will help them. He says that they must make a ready-to-wear look to go with their current high fashion look. This is stupid. I mean…you knew there was a twist, but usually this stupid “make a whole second look” crap comes when they’re working in a group or in pairs. Now we’re talking each individual person has to make two full outfits. April says she’s in a good spot but there are a ton of people who are screwed. Andy has to use his previous patterns. Ivy is going to get more of the same fabric she bought yesterday. Valerie is wandering aimlessly around Mood.

Chris has lace he is now gluing instead of sewing. Mike C. is fine time wise. April is going to buy a miniature pony if she wins. Hee! Mondo is going to use it for drinking money. He says other people are blinded by the dollar signs and hopefully they get distracted. He’s going to make his second look if it ends up being clearance rack.

Tim time again! Valerie is not super happy but she has to send two things down. She doesn’t want to send something she’s not happy with, in case she ends up on the bottom. Tim tells her to make it work, because she doesn’t have time. Don’t worry about how your original design isn’t turning out, send out what you do have. Valerie interviews that she’s lost a day and a half now and she goes to cry in the bathroom. Ivy goes to see what is wrong, and Gretchen sneaks into the bathroom too. Eventually they find a female cameraperson (or at least the male cameraperson says screw it and goes into the bathroom) and Valerie calms down. Ivy interviews that Valerie complains a lot and it’s wearying. Well, then don’t follow her into the bathroom and pretend to care that she’s upset. Mondo reveals that the new looks will be worn by one of the previously eliminated models. Model fitting is fun, in that Ivy complains her model is fatter than the measurements. She’s not finished.

Valerie is much better in the morning. The boys gossip that Valerie has done the same thing, again, and this might be the week the judges get tired of it. A lot of people have a lot of work to do. Gretchen finally realizes her stuff is different and that may be a bad thing. The workroom is trashed.

Guest judge is Naeem Khan, who has dressed Michelle Obama, among others. April: black fitted jacket and what look like hot pants, with a bustle and a train in tulle. It’s cool but for an editorial? Her ready-to-wear is a black dress, very April, with poofy shoulders. Actually I think the shoulders might be shredded fabric and not poofs. Mondo: black bodice with black and white checks in a strip down the front. But it does not fit her well, it’s too big. The skirt is long and black, slim, but with a huge bustle in pink, blue, and yellow striped with black, and some black tulle for good measure. It looks pretty high fashion. His RTW look is a short shift dress, with black and white chevrons down the front and black on the side panels. Ivy: long dress in teal and dark blue. The dark blue is an overlay that goes diagonally across her chest, and then across her skirt. It’s supposed to be waves. The model has to pick up her skirt. It’s a nice dress but I don’t know how “fashion” it is. The RTW is a short strapless dress in the dark blue. It’s pretty boring. Michael: long strapless dress in burgundy with a super long train. There’s a peplum and the train actually has fallen off the runway. The model went to turn around and the train was so heavy it fell off the side of the runway. Oops. RTW, short dress with a similar peplum (but less folding in the skirt) and a short skirt, and the other designers talk about how hot she looks. But GIANT EXPOSED ZIPPER, loses points.

Chris: white bodice, but with lace and illusion netting, so it looks like the bodice only covers half her chest, with a pastie on her other boob. Made of lace. The white and lace goes down to mid thigh where it turns into flowy pink. Ugh. On the side of her body that is covered, the shoulder is poofy, and it looks like he wrapped extra fabric around her hips. RTW, tight gray dress with a lavender panel in front and in back. It’s a little longer than the other RTW dresses have been. Gretchen: velvet Ren Faire dress. There’s no getting around it. The velvet is in a weird burgundy/pale lavender horizontal striped pattern, and it has big wide elbow length kimono sleeves, and a long skirt that is like a peasant skirt. The front has a deep V but the girl has a camisole underneath. PLUS the girl is wearing strings of crystals in her hair like a crown. As she walks there seems to be darker purple palazzo pants to match the cami under the velvet in the skirt. But it’s still not very good, now the whole thing looks like a velvet robe over some pajamas. The back has a cutout, and somehow the velvet is feathered? It looks frayed or something. Gretchen thinks it’s the best thing she’s ever done. RTW, a gray-blue top with the same sleeves, and a neckline that’s obviously been taped in place. The top opens…you know when you wear a bathrobe, but it doesn’t close in front so the sides just kind of drape along your sides and leave an inverted triangle. The top is cut like that, and the skirt is knee length and striped. Valerie: long white dress with some loops over one shoulder that have crystals. The rest of the dress is kind of boring. RTW is a plain black dress with a crooked neckline and straps. Andy: tight long-sleeved jacket covered in pleated circles. Like, he folded fabric the way we all did when making fans out of a piece of paper, and then put them over her shoulders and sides like armor. Plus she’s got tight pants with the pleats on her ankles too. And a headpiece, like a skullcap with a hole for a long ponytail. It’s pretty cool. RTW, simple black dress with long sleeves and a V neck. The sleeves and side panels are shiny and different fabric from the rest of the dress.

Chris and April are safe. Chris is safe? Huh? OK. Ivy, Valerie, and Michael had the low scores. Wait…that means you gave Gretchen a high score? Crack smoking! In the Scrap Bin everyone wonders why Gretchen was in the top. She’s out on the runway saying her high fashion look is a fantasy of who she wants to be. Yeah. Kors thinks women would wear that dress, which, no. Heidi wants to wear the dress backwards, which probably would make it better. Naeem agrees. Her hair makes it too costumey. Andy wanted to make a strong silhouette warrior woman. His vision carried through in both looks. His RTW dress still has a metallic but it’s not as obvious. They show the pants, and they really are fantastic. The boots fit into the pants, which are tightly covered in metallic fabric that blends into the boots, so it looks like she’s wearing knee-high boots. Heidi doesn’t like the high fashion look but doesn’t say why. Mondo wanted to make a kaleidoscope for the high fashion, but go the opposite way for the RTW and have just black and white. He also made a hat out of loops this morning. They love the hat and her hair. He was bold with the stripes, but the gown is a little too short. The fabric looks a little cheap, but the back of the dress, with all the fabrics showing, is fantastic and Kors says “Kentucky Derby horse ribbon explosion”. Nina loves color.

Loser time. Ivy thought “beach in Hawaii” for bright. She talks about the ocean and waves, but Nina looks super bored already. Kors says bridesmaids dress, and then he says everyone up there is having a bridesmaid/pageant problem. Then he says the necklines are “nursey” because they’re lopsided. The colors aren’t light enough, the dresses don’t fit and they make the models look old. Naeem says she tried very hard but it’s overkill. The back looks better because the straps in the front are lopsided too. Valerie was initially inspired by Audrey Hepburn, regal and elegant and light and buoyant. And the opposite for her RTW. She didn’t let the fabric talk to her, and she tried to make a soft dress out of structured fabric. Nina says her high fashion model looks like Miss Guatemala. That dress is better than some of the stuff I see on those pageants. Nina then questions her taste level. Kors starts in on the wacky and she needs a wand, but the RTW girl has like, 3 crystal buttons on there for no reason. Michael’s fabric, on closer inspection, is kind of shiny so his theme of “metallic” isn’t so random. He liked the shapes in his skirt, and then something simple for RTW. Everyone is confused. He also points out he’s never been in the bottom and he’s nervous. The proportions are off, although the RTW is cute. Heidi claims to be disturbed by a short skirt and low-cut top, as if she never does that. Kors says he’s the only one up there who has good construction. That includes the wire in the hem of his high fashion gown. Oo, he did. Not good. And she’s got netting over her face. Kors compares her to “Gone With the Wind”.

Everyone loves that Andy did pants, and upon closer inspection it grows on you. Heidi is still pissy about the high fashion look, although she likes the cocktail dress. Mondo embraces color and mixes it well, and constructs very well. And his RTW dress is very slimming. Gretchen’s look was “Gretchen but elevated” and they praise her a lot, and Nina points out it would photograph well which is a good point. But she could have done more with her RTW look. Kors points out that when the model moves you can see the skirt is slit up to her hip. Now we move on to the losers, who are deemed “My Fair Lady”, “Gone With the Wind”, and “The Little Mermaid”. Mike C. just kept going when he should have stopped, but his clothes could have been easily improved. But you can’t save Valerie’s high fashion dress, and her RTW dress is like a Xanax. There’s no idea and she has no understanding of fabric. Ivy’s dress was tragic. The fabric made her model look terrible and the color was terrible and the neckline was terrible. Plus Kors is worried that Ivy always seems to run out of time. Heidi and Naeem want to get rid of Ivy, but Nina votes for Valerie. Kors can’t decide because “it’s an unbelievably tight race for idiots today”.

Mondo is the winner! He says he currently has $14 to his name. Well, $20,014 now. April asks him to buy her a pony. Hee. Andy is in. Gretchen is in. Michael is in. Ivy is out. Valerie looks stunned, and then Heidi tells her she’s in, but they drag it out like they might get rid of both of them. Valerie goes to the Scrap Bin and cries that it should have been her. Man, now I don’t have to listen to Ivy bitch about stuff anymore. Nice. She’s like, “Oh, no sad faces! But I’m really going to miss designing.” Um, you can still be a designer. It’s a TV show. Of course this makes everyone reassure her she should still design, and then Valerie is all, I wish I could go home for you, and can we please just let her leave? Because she was all crying when she was saying how much she loved designing, but those tears dried up mighty quickly when Valerie said that. And she said NOTHING in response, just looked pissed that someone was taking attention off her. Ivy had more to show, and she interviews that she has more creativity than some of the people left, and she’s going to sacrifice to pursue her dream. And now she’s “definitely” going to keep going, even though we JUST saw her say how much she is going to miss designing.

Clips of Mondo’s “advertorial” and I hate that term already. It all looks fantastic. Plus he gets to be in the spread too. Sadly he is dressed normally.

Next week: design your own fabric. “Special guests”. There’s crying so I think it’s family members. Plus the commercial I saw said cheating.
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Top Chef:Just Desserts 9/22/10--"Cocktail With a Twist"

Previously on “Top Chef: Just Desserts”: a bunch of pastry chefs got together to make desserts and be over the top and things of that nature. As my sister pointed out, looking at pretty desserts is somehow more satisfying than looking at regular food. It matters less that you can’t eat it. Seth did very well and started winning things, as did Heather H. Tania couldn’t get her mousse to set and went home. (click for more)

Morgan and says he and Seth have bonded, partially because they’re both straight. Oh, they also admire the same people, Morgan made sure to bring that part up too. Tim says he’s the mama. Seth calls home. Already? He says his mom has had a run of bad health, and he wants to win for her. It’s kind a plea for pity, but his voice is quavering so I think he’s sincere.

Gail is standing with Elizabeth Faulkner in front of a wall of candy. Zac wants to be her. Today’s Quickfire: create a dish that celebrates penny candy. Heather H. mostly ate chocolate as a child. Elizabeth says it’s harder because you can’t control the flavors and colors of your candy ingredients. They can use as many or as few flavors as they want.

1 hour. They’re all eating candy and spitting it out. Hee. The ice cream machine gets turned on. Malika says she has a lot of experience, and is thinking about time management. Seth brings up his mom again. He’s making spicy coconut jam with atomic fireballs in it. Zac was denied sugar as a child, as his mother was a vegan. Danielle is making “worms and dirt”, which is gummi worms in chocolate pudding. Seth runs out of liquid nitrogen so he can’t get his sorbet frozen in time. He immediately starts cursing and bursts into tears. It’s not an Elimination. Eric says this is disruptive to the kitchen. Yeah…it seems disproportionate.

Yigit: “strawberries and cream” with red licorice and citrus. Heather H.: vanilla panna cotta with passion fruit gelee. Apparently there was passion fruit candy. Tim: orange and pistachio parfait with mascarpone and cream. It’s got all the orange candy he could find. Morgan: chick-o-stick sable with malted milk ganache and re-pulled banana lollipop. “Sable” is a French biscuit. Malika: lemon drop and strawberry parfait with yuzu cream. Heather C.: browned butter almond financier (tea cake) with strawberry and balsamic vinegar. There is no actual candy in the dessert. Oo. Zac: chocolate and sour cream Ho Ho with red hot cream cheese filling. With warm black licorice, pernot, and star anise coulis and hot tamale whipped cream. That sounds good. Eric: malted chocolate pudding and malt ball cookie. Erika: strawberry pop rocks with lemon drop cookie and sour lemon gelee. That sound good too. Danielle: “worms and dirt”, which is chocolate mousse with lemon gummi worms, malt balls, and lemon soda made out of lemon drops. Seth: Whopper chiffon cake with red hot coconut jam and passion fruit vanilla sorbet. OK, before he talks about his food, Gail asks about his issues, and he’s still on the verge of crying. Then he interviews that his mom goes through so much pain every day, and the only thing she cares about is his happiness, and he can’t do this any more, and he breaks down again. It’s 12 minutes into the episode and I’m tired of hearing about Seth’s mom. If that makes me a bitch, then it makes me a bitch. We get it. Your mom is sick and also is important to you. Elizabeth comes over to talk to him, and he says “The Red Hots are for my mommy”. I notice the other contestants are just standing around awkwardly while Elizabeth is self-deprecating and fairly awesome.

Elizabeth says that Heather C. didn’t use any candy, and also Eric didn’t explore the malted candy enough. The very bottom is Seth, but she doesn’t even say anything bad about his dish, just that he should keep going. Heather H. used her candies really well, Danielle was very playful, and Zac’s licorice sauce was balanced and tasty. He’s just glad she mentioned he did a cake, in one hour, so he can say “suck it bitches!” to everyone else. But Danielle is the winner, with immunity!

For the Elimination challenge, they’ll be taking a field trip to The Tar Pit, which is Mark Peel’s new restaurant. The challenge is to make a dish inspired by a cocktail. I wonder when they filmed this and when they filmed the “Top Chef” finale? Because it immediately makes me think of Kevin and his Singapore Sling dessert. No one looks happy though. They’ll be going “behind the bar” to shop for ingredients. They must pull their flavors from what’s there. Each person gets two minutes behind the bar, and then 3 hours in the kitchen to cook for the judges and 25 other guests. They draw coasters for shopping order. Eric is stoked to be first. He knows what he wants, so he’s doing things like taking all the pineapple. Shopping is about as exciting as shopping always is, with the added interesting facet of everyone watching each person pick out what they want. Actually they’re joking around a lot. Seth had a certain cocktail in mind, with grapefruit juice, but there isn’t any grapefruit back there. He totally shuts down, even though everyone encourages him to think of something else to do. When his time is up, he yells at everyone for being against him. Huh? They were chanting “Go Seth Go”. I don’t get it. He calls them “fucking haters” and yells some more that they shouldn’t have said anything, he’s broke and his mom is in debt from medical bills, he’s not here to have fun, he’s here to save his life. (Kmanpat: “…drama queen much?”) Yeah, dude…calm down. Yigit tells him it’s not OK to yell at anyone, and Seth is like, it’s not for you to tell me what’s OK! Well I’ll do it: it’s not OK for you to yell at them. They were cheering for you. Morgan tells him he’s being an asshole, and he interviews that he has no citrus and has to make something for $100,000 and it’s stressful. Heather H. interviews that he should have adapted.

Cooking time. Tim says they can use what they got from the bar, and also what they can find in the pantry. Heather H. says not having recipes is really hard. Eric is making pineapple upside down cake. He notices people are doing fancy things, but he doesn’t know what they are doing. Seth has come up with a new idea, which is to make something based on a gimlet, with berries. He is exhausted and wants to stay out of trouble. Tim (I think) decides to grind up all his basil, seeds and all. Malika is making a blood orange mojito cake. Yummy.

Johnny time! …still don’t like that. Yigit seems confident, as does Tim. Johnny reminds us that alcohol will affect your cooking times and freezing times. Seth has a million things going on. Erika has margaritas. Seth tears around like a crazy person. It’s actually draining everyone else. Yigit needs people to help him. Seth sprints somewhere.

Back at home, Heather H. says there is tension between Seth and the rest of the contestants. She tells him he needs to apologize to everyone, which he does. Or he admits he should, to her. He says he’ll make it up to her, but she’s still pissed so she’s like, how are you going to do that exactly? Just treat everyone like decent people. Yigit says that everyone else has issues too, not just Seth. For example, his dad died a few years ago. Seth pretty much just agrees with everyone attacking him.

Back at the restaurant the contestants have 1 hour to plate 30 desserts. The kitchen is very small, so 3 chefs will plate at a time. Eric’s never prepped for a service before. Erika is one dessert short, so she has to rethink her plating. She’s going to cut her bombes in half so you can see the inside, and give everyone half a dome. That’s a really good idea. Man, how do you get in on this so you can be a diner? I want to dress up and go to a swank restaurant and drink cocktails and eat 11 desserts. Hubert Keller is here today. Erika: margarita bombe with a lime cookie, tequila mousse and Grand Marnier crème brulee. She calls it a “Top Chef margarita” (like top shelf, hee) and says there is salt. Danielle: lime and lemon curd tart, toasted coconut, and rum sabayon. And candied kumquats. Eric: pineapple bourbon upside down cake. Erika’s bombe is subtle until you hit the salt. They really like it. Danielle’s dessert kind of fails in terms of reminding people of a cocktail. Eric’s dish had the best flavor, which includes the bourbon flavor.

Yigit is freaking out that he might not get everything on the plate, and Seth is helping him. He has to use the ice cream scoop after Morgan, so I hope he washed it. Also he couldn’t get his plates as beautiful as he wanted. Yigit: campari and blood orange agar agar with citrus vanilla panna cotta and basil ice cream. His plate looks fine, I think. Morgan: cola spiced whisky cake with coke fluid gel. Heather C.: gingerbread cake with rum caramel sauce and candied ginger. Yigit’s plate is colorful and fun. The ice cream is melted though. Morgan’s cake is lacking that one final touch. Heather C.’s dish didn’t come together the way she probably wanted.

Seth is flailing near people and he’s pissing Malika off. He’s knocking stuff around, there is crashing, he’s telling the camera people he’s going to lose. Zac doesn’t like him but he can’t watch him go down like that so he’s helping. That was nice of him. He’s really insistent that he help people, but they’re like, go over there and read off the clock. Hee. Seth: blueberry gimlet cake with lemon and lime juice, and juniper soda. The cake is really blue. After he’s done talking about most of the flavors he says “the rest is up to you to find”. That is probably not a wise thing to say to the judges. Malika: blood orange and blackberry mojito cake with white chocolate mousse. Heather H.: white Russian stack. I think it’s cake and mousse. Custard maybe? Malika’s dessert has mint but not a lot of rum or blood orange. It’s too sweet. She embraced the challenge but it was too heavy handed. Heather over thought it and kept adding to it. There is no gin flavor in Seth’s dessert. Also blue cake is an affront to pastry chefs, I guess.

Zac is counting plates when there is a big crash and he starts freaking out. Seth was doing something nearby and all of Zac’s chocolate squares are on the floor. Seth swears he has no idea what happened and says he wasn’t moving. Zac is pissed, especially because Seth decides now is a good time to clean up the stuff off the floor. As Zac tries to move around him, Seth is like, go ahead and step on me. Sigh. Zac misses a tuille on one plate, which of course heads to one of the judges. Zac says he went out of his way to help Seth and it bit him in the ass. Zac: Benedictine bombe with dark chocolate malt cake and Benedictine cremeux. He says it’s based on a Jager bomb. Ha! Oh, in my head there is a story about too many Jager bombs and a drunken hookup. There is lime and a tarragon tuille. Tim: basil pudding with orange, kumquat, and lime granita. Zac’s dish is maybe not cooked through, but is a good idea. Tim is making too many things in bowls and it’s a mess. Zac is worried the judges won’t get the full profile of his dish because it was incomplete, although he wisely did not tell them what was missing in case it wasn’t a problem.

Commercial interlude: Seth is antsy and can’t sit still in the Stew Room. He’s futzing with spring form pans, putting them on his head. Some people laugh, but Morgan and Yigit are super annoyed.

Erika, Yigit, and Eric are up first. Seth immediately starts freaking out and Heather C. reminds him that he doesn’t know if these are the top or bottom. Seth insists he tasted Eric’s dish and it was great. I’m pretty sure she’s trying to get him not to be so fatalistic but he’s now offended that he was speaking his mind and she judged him. Heather H. asks him to let her talk, because he’s interrupting the other Heather, and now everyone is so hard on him all the time. Now he’s getting angry. Everyone is like, seriously dude? He says he made himself vulnerable and now they’re taking advantage of it. Heather H. speaks for all of us when she says she’s over this. Yeah…calm down, Seth. He says he was stronger before he was a nice guy so now he’s going to go back to being an asshole. Everyone looks like they have a headache.

Of course Erika, Yigit, and Eric are the top 3. Erika wanted clean and simple. It was beautiful and well balanced, and her sauce was clear which was cool. Eric’s cake was moist and the pineapple was caramelized perfectly. Elizabeth tells him he might have to step it up, and Eric admits he’d never plated anything before. Yigit had a colorful plate that was still cold, which made the cocktail connection really obvious. The winner is Erika! Yay!

Malika, Tim and Seth are the bottom 3. Tim’s final dessert was what he wanted. It was a mess when everyone ate it, and he says it was bruleed but that probably didn’t work. Johnny says Tim has one of the sharpest palates there, he just can’t put things together. Seth made too many components and he messed some of them up. He admits this himself. This causes the judges to tell him he’s hard on himself, although Johnny does tell him he’s trying to do too much, too fast. Gail asks him why he couldn’t focus, and he says it’s from his breakdown during the Quickfire. Elizabeth is like, well, how do we know that won’t happen again if you stay? He says he can’t promise that. Well, good for him to admit it. Malika knows her dish lacked the balance of flavors. It was very sweet and the center wasn’t tart enough. She ran out of time, again, this time because she took a while trying to figure out what was wrong with her dish.

Seth did 11 things, maybe 8 made the plate. Plus it was all scattered. Tim has great flavor combinations, but his custard collapsed and it was unappetizing. Hubert doesn’t think he would stand behind it if he was in his restaurant. Malika’s dessert was too sweet and didn’t taste the way it should have. She’s having trouble adapting to the challenges.

Johnny is a hard ass. He’s just not as imposing as Tom though. It comes off more bitchy than disappointed. Tim loses. He says he’s going to stick to his style. Everyone is sad. He says the experience is overwhelming but in the end he ahs no regrets.

Next week: cheerleaders and a bake sale. Everyone is pissy. Seth can’t interact with children.
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Top Chef 9/22/10--"Reunion"

Stupid Andy Cohen. (click for more)

Woah, “Top Chef: All Stars”? I wish I had more confidence that actual good chefs would be on it, instead of knowing they’ll have Marcel and Ilan, for drama, and like, Betty, or Leah, or just random personalities who made for good ratings. I mean my only hope is for CJ or Andrew, or possibly Stephanie. Or Carla.

Kevin was surprised to win, even though he was confident. Angelo admits that Kevin just did a better job. Tom says it came down to the best food (like always). Andy pretends there are “conspiracy theorists” who will say it was all Mike V. I mean…I guess. But why aren’t those people yelling about how Hung did all of Angelo’s work? They all got a winner for a sous chef. Kevin says he could have worked with Hung too, since he’s got a past relationship there. Ed gets called on not being very happy to get Ilan, and he tries to qualify that, but he gives up and is like, OK, yeah. Heh. Montage of Ilan being bossy. He knows Ilan didn’t hurt him. Gail tries to remind everyone that Ilan won.

Montage of Kevin. People talking about how he’s very serious and hard on himself. Also that his presentations are gorgeous. He’s going to take the money and open his own place, plus buy a house. Then Andy turns to Angelo and makes him admit that he expected to win and that he failed. Dude. Of COURSE he wishes he hadn’t been sick. He gives a ton of credit to Hung. Kenny also had a “shocking” exit, and he says the other team had great food. Tom FINALLY says that there are shocking exits all the time.

Viewer questions! Tom is so grumpy! Why are you grumpy, Tom? He says the food at the beginning of the season was bad so it made him grumpy. They’re away from their families for a month and the reward is good food, so if the food is bad, then I think he gets extra grumpy. Eric! How did you get so good looking? Sigh. He says it doesn’t help you in the kitchen. Hee.

Tiffany got eliminated because her dish was a little more rustic. Everything was great so they had to nitpick. Video from her wedding. Well first they talk about how she won two trips. Her wedding is gorgeous. Of course, now, because Andy like, has to live vicariously through everyone else or something, we have to have a montage of Ed flirting with Tiffany. Because Ed’s girlfriend and Tiffany’s husband won’t mind. Seriously, I know it happened, but we all saw it happen, they didn’t make out or anything, and Andy takes far too much glee in forcing people to relive their mistakes like that. Sigh. Oh, Ed told her that if she wanted to “try the white guy” she could. Interesting. Andy tries to dig up some gossip but no one cooperates.

Montage of people blaming each other. Well…not really, but chefs throwing each other under the bus, but also saying “Oh, your food is great” and then at Judges’ Table saying “Yeah…it sucked”. Amanda! Why did you cook with sherry for children? She says you just do stupid stuff on this show, she has no explanation, and for the record it was like $3. Lynne and Arnold! Andy claims to have been in the building that day and wants to know about the pairs challenge. When Arnold cooked the pasta early and didn’t take the blame. Jeez, I can barely remember that. Lynne says they weren’t mad at each other, but just in general frustrated at the situation. Oh, but Arnold doesn’t think they went home for a bad dish. Eric brings up raw pasta and Arnold gets super defensive, like “Yeah, we know, let’s bring that up again.” Calm down. Andrea! Why do you hate Michelle Bernstein? She pretends not to know what he’s talking about, but I’m pretty sure she knows they’ll have the footage. Andrea stops short of saying Michelle was biased against her, but that’s what she means. The judges tell her that Michelle went out of her way to be fair. Andrea decides to fill everyone in: Michelle stole her pea puree one time. Hee!

Oh, but that segues into us asking Alex if he stole Ed’s pea puree. Well, I knew this was coming. First, though, montage. Actually, montage of people talking about how Alex sucks, then about the peas. HA! When the montage ends, Ed takes off his shirt to reveal a T-shirt that says “Where’s my pea puree?!?! Peagate Scandal 2010 Top Chef” They should have just said “Peagate 2010”. There’s something on the back but I can’t read it. Alex says he would never steal anything. Amanda all of a sudden is like, I totally watched him make it, he was right next to me. Tiffany rolls her eyes and says that he just looked guilty. Alex claims to not have known it was a big deal, and Tiffany is like, stealing is a big deal. He says he had no idea they were asking him about it because they thought he stole it. Ed only half believes he did it, anyway. Amanda seeing him make it does not convince Ed. Kenny is like, the night before he had no clue what to do. Kelly agreed he had bad peas before. So Tom says, you turned starchy peas into a winning dish. Alex says thank you. Yeah…that was Tom’s “I don’t believe you” voice. Amanda starts to say there’s probably footage of it somewhere, and it just didn’t make the show, but Tom says he asked the producers and they looked through hours of footage and found nothing. Tom also says guaranteed if they caught Alex on camera stealing things they would have shown it. Andy tries to say if they had him on camera making his own puree, they would have shown that too. Alex doesn’t agree, and I don’t really agree either. I mean…as Alex says, it makes good TV. He and Andy argue about it.

Let’s move on. Alex won some Quickfire, and said he would spend his money on a hooker and an 8 ball. Which they aired, and he was mortified. Montage of Tim singing and being smooth. Also talking about how hot Padma is. He is also mortified. Andy tries to encourage Padma but it’s just gross. Montage of Kenny vs. Angelo. Remember when Angelo was cocky? Before he started failing and had a mental breakdown and started talking to himself? Tom says a good chef has to have confidence. Andy reveals the official T-shirt this season says “Beast in the Kitchen”. Blah. Kenny already has a tattoo on his stomach that says “Beast of the Kitchen”. Montage of Steven getting blasted by the judges. Andy demands they say something nice to him. And he won three challenges! But he agrees with what they said, because you don’t have time to tweak your dishes in competition. In this competition, working that way does not cause you to win anything.

Now let’s pretend someone asked about the Stew Room! There is hockey with cardboard pads and wrapping paper tubes for sticks. Craps with huge boxes for dice and cardboard chips. They made a baseball out of plastic wrap and Angelo actually throws it so hard he busts through the wall. Awesome. Also, “a fan” asked if John is still upset he went out first. I mean…they have these clips and questions every season. So either the producers are seeding the questions, or people are not paying attention. John says the restaurant he works for is doing well. Don’t remember John? No? Neither do I, that’s what happens with 17 people. Tracey! Are you offended that Tom said your sausage was offensive to Italians? She says she had hoped it would be edited out. Hee. OK. Andy. No one asked Gail how it’s different being a judge vs. a host. No one cares. Montage of Judges’ Table outtakes. “Who are we sending home? Tom, you can’t go home.” Tom’s really funny, actually. “You caught my balls on the fork”.

Commercial interlude: one of those stupid websites where you put in two pictures and it makes a baby face. Except much more low-budget. Is that what we’re reduced to?

Now we must take a closer look at “the opener” of Top Chef, where they remixed the opening credits and set them to porn music. This is even stupider than the babies. Montage of guest judges. Like Nancy Pelosi and Buzz Aldrin. Angelo! Are you an arrogant bastard all the time? No, of course not. Montage of Angelo and how he won a lot and spied on everyone. He says something about not humping legs but carefully choosing what leg to hump. And talking to himself. And lapsing into French randomly. Maybe it’s Russian. And telling everyone what to do. Tamesha! Did Angelo sabotage you and make you go home for giving you bad advice about your dish? Not really, plus Angelo says it’s a nice thing to be helpful. Most of the chefs believe Angelo was sincere. Montage of pranks. TP’ing beds, tying shoelaces together, putting plastic wrap on the toilet. In retaliation they wrapped all of Angelo’s clothes. Individually. Angelo put all of Alex’s knives in a pot with water and froze them. Nice one. I think they put honey in his deodorant? Piled clothing on the bed and then plastic wrap the whole bed. These pranks are pretty good.

Andy makes them name all the winners in order. They ask for volunteers, and when Kevin volunteers, Andy says that if he does it properly, everyone will get the “suite” of Top Chef wines. I can’t believe they haven’t had to cook with those yet. Or match food to them. Kevin does it properly! None of the winners will be on All-Stars.

Who will win Fan Favorite? Arnold is campaigning. Kenny’s name is thrown out, as is Tiffany‘s. Finally, the All Stars cast: Stephen and Tiffany from season 1 (AWESOME); Elia and Marcel from season 2 (what did I tell you); Dale, Casey, and Tre from season 3; Richard, Dale (Asian Dale), Antonia, and Spike from season 4 (…asshat); Fabio, Carla, and Jamie from season 5; Jen and Mike I. from season 6, and Angelo and Tiffany from this season. Interesting. It could have been worse. Angelo promises not to get sick. See, Tiffany from season 1 already won the All-Stars challenge they had. The judges talk about how they already know everyone and people are awesome.

Woo the end!
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Friday, September 17, 2010

Project Runway 9/16/10--"A Rough Day on the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: resort wear! Plus everyone make each others’ clothes! Mondo got stuck with Mike C. but then proved to actually be an adult, or at least to be cognizant of how he’s on TV and people will judge him. He then was really nice. Ivy continued to be the bitch of the show, and told everyone she had to make her design super simple so that Mike D. could sew it. I mean, he agreed and said that she could throw him under the bus, but she was still uppity about it and claimed that totally wasn‘t what she was doing. April made some lingerie, but since apparently everything is sheer this season she won. Seriously. It’s all sheer. Casanova still had trouble with his taste level and he was sent home. (click for more)

The boys discuss how it’s quieter without Casanova. And more boring. Mike C. tells Andy how he got called out for making faces about Ivy. Andy looks disapproving. Ivy claims, again, that she is over him. Mike C. says she needs to prove she should be there. He makes a sort of lame joke and smiles at himself.

Heidi’s dress is too short. I mean, most of her skirts are too short, I guess, so this isn’t anything different. She says today they’ll be “looking to the past to secure your future”. I guess she’s not getting paid overtime because Tim will have to give them the details. Gretchen feels this involves corsets, which she is not a fan of, as she is sporting braids wrapped around her head like a crown.

The designers end up in a “capsule studio” somewhere. Projected on the wall behind Tim is a collage of photos of Jackie O. “She is how the world perceives classic American sportswear.” Today’s challenge is to design your own take on classic American sportswear. But it must include your point of view as a designer. Jackie O. is the inspiration/muse. They’ll have $150 at Mood. Chris is happy because he does sportswear. See, some of these designers don’t do sportswear, but I don’t mind them being out of the box. Valerie wants to do some separates. Shopping is the usual, unexciting, except that Ivy is really confused.

Mondo starts to drape a dress, but gets frustrated with it. His fabric is a purple plaid which looks cool, I think, but Gretchen doesn’t like it. Mondo has to work with it, though, because he can‘t get anything else. Mike D. doesn’t do sportswear, but he’s using sportswear fabric. Does that count? He jokes that his outfit might be too fancy. “For this challenge I decided to channel the earliest American: the Puritan.” Hee. He is making a skirt out of wool crepe, with pleats, and he babbles for a while and then says he doesn’t care because he’s probably going insane. Hee. Valerie seems to have a zebra print and a lot of details. She says she’s the Susan Lucci of the show. So either she’s going to win, or be eliminated. The sewing room has a discussion about how you shouldn’t second guess yourself. Ivy snobs that no one else knows what “sportswear” is. Valerie is asking everyone for advice. Mike C. is worried. Andy’s pants are super huge. He’s taking a risk.

Tim time! Chris has a silver gray dress that looks too expensive. Tim thinks Valerie’s leggings will be too vulgar. She doesn’t want to commit. Mike C. has two dresses now. However they are both cocktail dresses which is not good. Andy has cargo pants. Mondo’s print is very Mondo but Mike D. says it’s Jackie O. on mescaline. Mike D.’s skirt is very heavy and Puritan. Tim says Annie Oakley.

Models. Mondo calls his fabric “First Tranny”. Ivy has no pants to fit. April hates Andy’s pants. They give the girl a wedgie. Valerie says the two dresses Mike C. has are very Donna Karan and “I don’t see him as a designer” and would people please stop saying that? Seriously? I get that designers should have a point of view, but it’s such a snobby way of saying “I don’t like him”. Andy ties some lace over Mike D.’s face and everyone makes dirty sex jokes. Ivy is flailing.

In the morning the girls make comments about Andy. Mean comments. Mondo is joking around too. Tim appears and says today is not a runway day. Mike C. wants to smack Tim when he says things like that, and OH NO YOU DI’INT. Tim says they all have to make one outerwear item to go with their outfit. Mike D. is “Captain Outerwear”, he says, but Mike C. hates it as he lives in Florida, which is not known for outerwear. Valerie was already making a jacket, but Tim says that she has to make something else. They’ll get another $150. April says “outerwear” doesn’t have to be a jacket, but I have a hard time trying to figure out what else it would be, if it has to be sportswear. At Mood Mike C. is fingering a bolt of fabric but Gretchen walks up and says she’s taking some of it. Why can’t he use it too? I don’t understand. He says he rises above that kind of stuff.

Chris is using leather and he feels kind of bad. He also has never used leather before. That’s a problem. Ivy claims to be totally thrilled about this extra piece. Valerie says she’s an outwear designer but can’t make a coat this time for some reason. Chris shaves his hide. I mean…he bought animal skin with fur on it and the fur is too long. Mondo feels like Harry Potter in his capelet coat thing. Mike C. thinks his jacket looks like a towel. The sewing room bitches about how he makes so many things and waits for Tim to tell him what to do. Isn’t that EXACTLY what Valerie was doing? Asking everyone else for advice? And isn’t Valerie in the sewing room right now bitching about it? GOD. Mike says if they’re going to hate on him for winning, then “step it up and win a fucking challenge”. True that.

Tim time part two! Valerie is making a vest. She thinks she can finish on time. Tim doesn’t trust Mike D.’s skirt, although it didn’t look that bad on the model. Mike demonstrates Tim’s various levels of concern, measured by how close his hand is to his mouth. Hee. Andy’s clothes are really him, although the pants are riding up in the crotch. Tim tells him “Jackie O. would not have camel toe”. Ha! Mondo needs shape and detail in his outerwear. Mike C. has three jackets. Tim tells him to hide some of his fabric so he won’t have to look at it. Chris just gets a concerned look. He’s made a shrug and it’s not much of anything.

Finally, today is the runway show. Mondo praises Mike D., which makes me nervous for Mike. Chris praises Mondo’s own outfit, which is a tank top and shorts with suspenders. The girls are shittalking people. The boys get Mondo to tap dance.

Chris needs a perfect fit. Why is everyone always talking about Mike C.’s outfits? Don’t they talk about anyone else? Mike D. thinks they’re all elitist. Andy has an insane crotch. Chris doesn’t like his shrug that much. Mondo loves his jacket. Ivy is confident again. Mondo’s zipper breaks with 10 minutes left so he is freaking out. Valerie is hoping to be in eh middle. Gretchen’s look is very drapey. Mike D. is flailing and working right up until the last minute. Gretchen talks about how half the room sucks. Of course she is great.

Guest judge today is January Jones, who plays Betty Draper on “Mad Men”, if like me you do not watch “Mad Men”. Chris: gray short dress with a shrug. The shrug is stiff and bad. The dress has one shoulder, and a long piece draped down the side. It’s not terribly exciting, and I think sportswear is supposed to be more casual? I’m not sure. It’s simple and clean, though. April: black pencil skirt and sleeveless vest with a shirt collar. The outerwear is a sheer vest/jacket thing. I can’t see it well. Ivy: wide legged black pants, a white top with an asymmetrical collar, and a sheer gray jacket with a bow in the back. It’s nicely made, although not super exciting. Maybe I am just bored by sportswear. Mike C.: bright blue one shouldered dress, with no back. The front seems just draped on. The jacket is a denim, black, and has a sash and one big lapel on one side. The jacket looks cool, but I don’t know about the bright royal blue of the dress. Gretchen: brown skirt in a swirly pattern, and a black halter top. The outerwear is a camel jacket, very loose, with loose elbow sleeves and a brown belt. it’s OK. Mike D.: gray very full pleated skirt, and matching tank top with a gray layer and a white layer. The jacket is a cropped black and white tweedy checkered pattern that is very cute. Valerie: black pencil skirt and a black jacket, with a purple halter top underneath. I can’t see any other details. Andy: tight long sleeved shirt and gray vest with a big collar. The pants are super draped gray knee length cargo pants with an insane crotch. Seriously, they’re like, very wide legged shorts, where he took the fabric from the hem and attached it back up at her waist. Mondo: short pencil skirt in a purple tweed, a horizontal black and white striped top with a boatneck, and a short jacket with elbow length sleeves.

Mike C., April, and Gretchen are safe. Mike C. thought he was going home, while Gretchen thought she was a winner. Mike agrees with her, but interviews that in reality he hates her outfit. Valerie wanted to do something modern but with an edge. Heidi asks her if that’s why she put a jacket over a jacket. Valerie takes off the black jacket and the purple underneath does look kind of like a jacket. It’s got a high neck and a zipper. She says you can use it as a blouse but also put a camisole underneath. The black jacket has no sleeves. Kors says it’s sad looking. She was trying to keep it simple, but Kors thinks it’s boring. Then they nail her about the color and the ankle boots and trying to use zippers to be gimmicky. Chris was going for effortless with the dress. January loves the dress, as does Kors. But the shrug isn’t working. The dress has a nice neckline that is covered by a shrug. Heidi says the shrug looks dirty. Mike D. was making a deconstructed jacket. Kors says she’s old lady on top and a cheerleader on bottom. He hates the skirt but I like it. The top has so little to do with sportswear Kors is insulted. It doesn’t fit right. Nina says this isn’t iconic. Mondo played with overblown textiles. After he talks about his design, Heidi teases him about his own clothes. Hee. He wanted to make it look expensive, and he even lined his jacket in purple. The judges love how it doesn’t look cheap and is elegant and they can totally see Jackie O. in it. Ivy was inspired by triangles and squares because shapes are timeless. That’s what she says. Kors says it’s sharp, and the jacket has an interesting closure and flaps. Heidi doesn’t like the top because there’s too much going on. The coat is too small, it sounds like. All the judges like it better without the coat. Andy tries to explain his pants by saying Jackie wasn’t afraid to have her own style. Heidi wants to laugh at him. She doesn’t see Jackie in this outfit at all. The pants really don’t fit in the crotch. Then they get on him about the shoes, but it’s obvious the shoe selection this season sucks ass. Andy is getting really defensive. The top is silk jersey, which isn’t fitted properly.

Andy is hurt because the judges pretty much laughed in his face. Yeah, that’s hard to take. Valerie was boring and blah. Nina hates the black Lycra skirt. Heidi complains about Andy’s clothes again, and they still hate on the boots. Nina, though, says that at least Andy might have a surprise somewhere left in him, as opposed to Valerie. Mike D. had poor proportions, and couldn’t make the pieces work. Chris’s dress is elegant and looked expensive, although his shrug was horrid. Mondo’s point of view might not be Jackie O. but it was appropriate and he thought about it. He was true to himself. Ivy’s collars were nice, but she had a problem with the jacket. Kors thinks so, anyway. Nina thinks this is the best she’s seen from Ivy, because she can’t forget the printed pants from the first challenge, and I THOUGHT THE JUDGES NEVER TOOK PAST DESIGNS INTO ACCOUNT. Sorry to yell, but they just said that during the team challenge and that was what? 3 episodes ago? There is disagreement about Ivy.

Mondo is the “clear” winner! Yay! Chris is in. Ivy is in. Andy is in. Valerie’s look was boring and cheap mall wear. Mike D.’s look was mismatched and ill-fitting. Valerie is in. BOO. Kmanpat and I will come visit you too! St. Louis represent! He’s sad mostly because he’ll miss his friends. Tim shows up and Mike tells him he is OK with not taking Tim’s advice. He tells Tim that he had to stand by his look, and Tim says “And it was your Waterloo.” Mike: “And I have to go look that up now.” As I am laughing, the producers put up a chyron defining “Waterloo”. HA! He has no regrets.

Next week: the winner of this challenge gets something “unprecedented”, Valerie is behind and freaking out, Tim is shaking, Nina calls something tragic.
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