Saturday, February 14, 2015

King of the Nerds 2/14/15--"Do They Choose Wisely...Or Poorly?" summary

Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams had to make cardboard boats and then solve geometry problems. Team SMASH did really well at this, even though Ori continued to be useless. Team Hooloovoo told Todd he would be up for elimination if they lost, and then made good on that. Todd totally lost it and yelled at Lily, which made everyone decide he needed to go. Especially Heather, who got on her moral high horse about how he was a terrible person for making someone else feel bad. Except for the part where she yelled at Ori during the challenge and literally slapped his hands away. That’s totally different. Todd and Kaitlin went to the Nerd-Off, which was about mythology, and Todd stunk it up so badly that I think he threw the challenge. I saw an interview with him where he said he went off on Lily for fully twenty minutes, which means that Kaitlin left right away and then didn’t get anyone? Everyone took their time showing up? Not sure. He also says part of it was to try to convince people that they should vote for Lily instead of for him. I guess he was trying to change people’s minds, and was mad to boot, so he thought it would work? To his credit he fully admits it did not work and he was a dick. (click for more)

Everyone goes back to the house and talks about how wonderful it is for Todd to be gone, like he’d been an ass for a week instead of 20 minutes. Lily says she feels relief she doesn’t have to worry anyone in the house will yell at her. It happened ONE TIME and he APOLOGIZED so can we not act like she was bullied? Todd was a dick to her but that was not the same as bullying. Amanda says after people leave the house they bring back something from the Nerd-Off to remember them by, and they brought back a snake for Todd. Oh, ha ha. But apparently it’s supposed to be Todd’s horcrux, which Lily explains you only can make when you kill someone. YOU AREN’T DEAD YOU STUPID BINT. You failed at the challenge you supposedly are best at, and now you are useless.

Curtis and Bobby aren’t here, just a giant speaker. It starts playing “Talk Nerdy to Me” and some past contestants jump out to sing it which is hilarious. One of them was underwater in the fountain! It’s like a bad music video. The Nerd War is to make a song about being a nerd. This challenge always seems to turn out heartfelt but terrible results. The guest judges are “giants in the nerd music industry”. The nerd music industry is a thing? Judgment is based on music, lyrics, choreography, and how well they celebrate nerd culture.

Ben wants to sing about Jar Jar. Terrible. Lily says it’s not funny enough, but Ben thinks the other team won the cosplay challenge because they were funnier. Amanda says they should sing about nerd problems. Colby thinks maybe they don’t need to hear about their problems? So one team is funny and one not? Interesting. Colby defines swagger as being proud of what you are no matter what others say. Ori thinks he has nerd swagger because of course he does. Wait, based on what Colby just said I guess he does have swagger. Certainly no one is going to convince Ori he’s not cool. Colby has a background in rap which is cool. He’s turning out to be a dark horse, seeing as how he solved the geometry problems last week that allowed them to win. Colby says, “I have a background in rap. Guess it’s because I’m Scottish.” What? I love him.

Hooloovoo meets with the music people and they seem pretty confident. However they do ask the producer to tell them what THEY think is funny. Because maybe they don’t know what is funny? SMASH appears to be going with a rap and Colby is fully in charge. Their producer seems really impressed.

Curtis appears out of nowhere to talk to Hooloovoo. He offers them pizza and I am suspicious. Why did they send Curtis to call them to dinner? SMASH goes to eat too. I guess this was so they could do product placement with the pizza and name-drop as much as possible. To be fair there is a graphic counting how many times they name the pizza place.

Lily sings but she isn’t that great. She thinks she is, clearly, but she is just imitating what she thinks a good singer should sound like, all runs and trying to sound like Adele or something. Listen, I am a singer, and I’m pretty good, if I do say so myself. And I can tell Lily is imitating other people because she thinks that’s what makes them great, but really she needs to figure out what works for her own voice and just do that. I can’t sing like Adele because my voice isn’t like hers, so I don’t even try. Raychelle is upset because she thinks Lily is trying to outshine everyone. She imitates Lily singing which is hilarious because it’s just her shouting about how “I’m Lily! And I’m perfect!”. Ben wants her to keep it together so they can win, but then Lily sings again and she’s not even on pitch. I think Lily needs to keep it together.

Choreography time. Heather makes sure we all know she understands how your brain works to learn things. Whatever. Kaitlin likes her choreographer because she’s made things easy for them. Kaitlin crawls between Ben’s legs, and Lily judges her for being the center of attention like Lily never does that, and then pretends she’s not terrible by saying she loves that Kaitlin can talk about her journey. Shut up Lily. No one is after Ben. Kaitlin couldn’t care less about any of you which is why she’s my favorite.

There are a lot of people in the audience. Former contestants too which is fun. Guest judges are Travie McCoy, Lisa Loeb, and Moby. Awesome. SMASH is up first and Heather is really confident about how they’re going to kill it. She talks about faking the words, so I guess they recorded the song earlier and now they’re just dancing and lip synching. Their rap is actually not terrible. I mean they rap in binary and that is just hysterical. The dancing is maybe sub-par but that’s if compared to actual dancers. It’s pretty good for this show. Travie likes “nerd swagger” but wished he could understand the lyrics better. Lisa liked the dancing and asks a rhetorical question of “where are the nerds?” like “these are rappers and not nerds.” Ori answers her because he’s dumb. Also wearing a fez is not “dressing as Doctor Who”. Moby says he didn’t like the line about hypothesizing Newtonian physics because of quantum mechanics. Also did you really read Hamlet in Klingon? OK I kind of really love Moby for asking really detailed content questions. Still, don’t be a party pooper, Moby. Moby is like, what is a warrior’s drink in Klingon, do you know? Heather raises her hand and tells Moby he just asked an inappropriate question because part of nerd culture is liking what you like and we don’t need to prove anything to you. Shut up Heather, damn. Moby points out that they just got contentious with a judge. Colby says Moby pulled a dick move because Moby was bullying Ori. Can we please not call everything “bullying”? Moby is a dick. He is not a bully for asking questions as A JUDGE. Moby responds to Heather by saying if he’s a douchebag, then call him a douchebag, but maybe do it after judging. Right!? Right. Ori appreciated Heather standing up for him but maybe she threw the challenge.

Hooloovoo is up. Lily is the cocky one. Kaitlin actually sings well and is a good performer. I knew I liked Kaitlin. I’m not sure I like their song any better. It’s all about “acceptance” and “embracing your inner nerd” and whatever. I guess the dancing is OK. So then Lily does a rap thing, where you just make a list and say stuff fast. So where was the part where she was singing poorly? The refrain? I guess everyone covered her up because I didn’t really hear her. Somehow the judges love how great their message is and whatever. Lisa thinks it’s weird to be proud about being a nerd? Or maybe because they said everyone is a nerd? What? Why do you think you’re here? Moby says all their nerd references are pop culture and so he likes how SMASH had science references. See that’s a good argument. As the judges talk it’s hard to see what they are leaning towards. As Moby is like “Team SMASH clearly you hate me” Heather is all “hearts!” with her hand in a heart shape but Moby is like “what does that mean? Does that mean ‘I kidney you?’” Ha! I love how obnoxious he is. But then unanimously the judges pick Hooloovoo. Lame. Being a nerd is about being proud of the weird shit you’re really into but it’s not automatically about being nice to everyone and liking everyone. It’s about not being a dick but I don’t have to be friends with everyone all the time. Hooloovoo wins some headsets. I mean we couldn’t have one team with five and one with three, I guess. Well we could and just move someone to the other team right? Stupid.

Kaitlin is glad she won’t be in the Nerd-Off today. Ori thinks they lost because Hooloovoo was better, not because Heather can’t shut up and insulted a judge. Heather says it’ll probably be Ori and Colby and hopefully Ori will lose. I know Colby is a threat but that would be sad. Kaitlin wants Amanda in the Nerd-Off, because Amanda and Ben and Lily are fucking terrible at having a SECRET alliance. Kaitlin totally knows. She goes to Jonathan (oops) and tells him she thinks those three have something going on. Jonathan tells her that she and Raychelle should help him and Colby. He loves it and says now he has two alliances. If Ori loses, Jonathan will be in an alliance with every single person in the house. Yeah, until Kaitlin approaches Raychelle about this supposed new alliance of four and blows up your spot.

In the morning Amanda says they’re sending Ori to the Nerd-Off, and it’s about the alliance, as if Ori hasn’t pissed off everyone. Ori tries to get to Colby, who says he’ll flip if Ori can get Jonathan to flip. Ori would love to get rid of Heather, of course. Jonathan could keep Ori, because he can beat Ori later, and also break up the Heather-Amanda duo, but then they might lose more Nerd Wars.

Team SMASH are all holding hands which is terrible. You have to get rid of everyone else to win. Let’s not pretend it’s all sunshine and roses over here. House Hooloovoo unanimously votes Colby in the Nerd-Off and he’s not particularly surprised. He’s a threat. Team SMASH votes for Ori, and Curtis says it’s unanimous, which makes no sense unless Ori voted for himself. Heather hugs him like she’s sad and she says Ori is the sweetest person alive. Shut up Heather, you were such a bitch to him when you thought he would keep you from winning and I haven’t seen anything to show me you don’t think that all the time. Ori actually really did vote for himself, because didn’t want any hard feelings on his team. So does that mean he’ll throw the challenge? He interviews a bunch of stuff about being noble and honorable and whatever. I wouldn’t mind Ori going home. Bobby mentions how there are a lot of girls left and Jonathan realizes it’s possible the girls all have their own alliance that excludes him and Ben. The Nerd-Off talks bout history and “Indiana Bones”.

Colby is a history teacher and so Ori looks like he’s in trouble. Colby talks about how his mom bought a set of encyclopedias to keep him off the streets, and that when he won Jeopardy the first thing he did was buy her a house in the suburbs so she could get out of that neighborhood. Oh Colby. I hope this isn’t editing about how you’re going home. Hooloovoo all helps Ori, because he’s useless and they’d rather the other team keep a useless person around. Ori totally knows what is going on and feels like a tool. I kind of feel bad, because who wants to see all this help and know it’s only because all those people think you suck? To be fair his questions to Team Hooloovoo sound pretty dumb.

Colby and Ori both get leather jackets and fedoras. Colby says if you aren’t Harrison Ford, you shouldn’t be wearing a fedora. Hee. You have to run up the hill, disarm some “henchmen” mannequins with your whip, then cut down a burlap sack. There are 10 idols for 10 different people, and you must place them in the order of birthdates. Colby knows he doesn’t run. Ori is stretching like a dork. There are giant rolling boulders and Ori seems to get both of them. Inside the cauldrons where there are daggers to cut down the sacks are real snakes. Ha! Colby is first to do reach in so he pulls ahead. So the “idols” are plastic heads with names that you put in order. Colby says if you miss one, you really miss two, which is why he never gives tests like that. He feels pretty confident about this century though, and also the first few. Ori somehow hits the button first but he only has two people right. Sigh. Colby actually only has two people switched. Nooo! Ori thinks he has a chance, and he buzzes in before Colby can feel confident in his new order. Ori’s still wrong, though, thank God. Colby interviews that this is history based and if he loses he has to face his students. Colby is right! Yay!

Heather cries even though she is the one who is the bitchiest to Ori by far. Colby is sad because he says it’s kind of lovable how socially awkward Ori is, because they’ve all been there. See, that totally is believable. He never did anything out of malice, which is true but that doesn’t mean he’s not damn annoying and immature and I’m not particularly sorry he’s leaving.

Next week: game night.

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