Previously on “King of the Nerds”: the teams had
to make cardboard boats and then solve geometry problems. Team SMASH did really
well at this, even though Ori continued to be useless. Team Hooloovoo told Todd
he would be up for elimination if they lost, and then made good on that. Todd
totally lost it and yelled at Lily, which made everyone decide he needed to go.
Especially Heather, who got on her moral high horse about how he was a terrible
person for making someone else feel bad. Except for the part where she yelled
at Ori during the challenge and literally slapped his hands away. That’s
totally different. Todd and Kaitlin went to the Nerd-Off, which was about
mythology, and Todd stunk it up so badly that I think he threw the challenge. I
saw an interview with him where he said he went off on Lily for fully twenty
minutes, which means that Kaitlin left right away and then didn’t get anyone?
Everyone took their time showing up? Not sure. He also says part of it was to
try to convince people that they should vote for Lily instead of for him. I
guess he was trying to change people’s minds, and was mad to boot, so he
thought it would work? To his credit he fully admits it did not work and he was
a dick. (click for more)
Everyone goes back to the house and talks about
how wonderful it is for Todd to be gone, like he’d been an ass for a week instead
of 20 minutes. Lily says she feels relief she doesn’t have to worry anyone in
the house will yell at her. It happened ONE TIME and he APOLOGIZED so can we
not act like she was bullied? Todd was a dick to her but that was not the same
as bullying. Amanda says after people leave the house they bring back something
from the Nerd-Off to remember them by, and they brought back a snake for Todd.
Oh, ha ha. But apparently it’s supposed to be Todd’s horcrux, which Lily
explains you only can make when you kill someone. YOU AREN’T DEAD YOU STUPID
BINT. You failed at the challenge you supposedly are best at, and now you are
useless.
Curtis and Bobby aren’t here, just a giant
speaker. It starts playing “Talk Nerdy to Me” and some past contestants jump
out to sing it which is hilarious. One of them was underwater in the fountain! It’s
like a bad music video. The Nerd War is to make a song about being a nerd. This
challenge always seems to turn out heartfelt but terrible results. The guest
judges are “giants in the nerd music industry”. The nerd music industry is a
thing? Judgment is based on music, lyrics, choreography, and how well they
celebrate nerd culture.
Ben wants to sing about Jar Jar. Terrible. Lily
says it’s not funny enough, but Ben thinks the other team won the cosplay
challenge because they were funnier. Amanda says they should sing about nerd
problems. Colby thinks maybe they don’t need to hear about their problems? So
one team is funny and one not? Interesting. Colby defines swagger as being
proud of what you are no matter what others say. Ori thinks he has nerd swagger
because of course he does. Wait, based on what Colby just said I guess he does
have swagger. Certainly no one is going to convince Ori he’s not cool. Colby
has a background in rap which is cool. He’s turning out to be a dark horse,
seeing as how he solved the geometry problems last week that allowed them to win.
Colby says, “I have a background in rap. Guess it’s because I’m Scottish.”
What? I love him.
Hooloovoo meets with the music people and they
seem pretty confident. However they do ask the producer to tell them what THEY
think is funny. Because maybe they don’t know what is funny? SMASH appears to
be going with a rap and Colby is fully in charge. Their producer seems really
impressed.
Curtis appears out of nowhere to talk to
Hooloovoo. He offers them pizza and I am suspicious. Why did they send Curtis
to call them to dinner? SMASH goes to eat too. I guess this was so they could
do product placement with the pizza and name-drop as much as possible. To be
fair there is a graphic counting how many times they name the pizza place.
Lily sings but she isn’t that great. She thinks
she is, clearly, but she is just imitating what she thinks a good singer should
sound like, all runs and trying to sound like Adele or something. Listen, I am
a singer, and I’m pretty good, if I do say so myself. And I can tell Lily is
imitating other people because she thinks that’s what makes them great, but
really she needs to figure out what works for her own voice and just do that. I
can’t sing like Adele because my voice isn’t like hers, so I don’t even try. Raychelle
is upset because she thinks Lily is trying to outshine everyone. She imitates
Lily singing which is hilarious because it’s just her shouting about how “I’m
Lily! And I’m perfect!”. Ben wants her to keep it together so they can win, but
then Lily sings again and she’s not even on pitch. I think Lily needs to keep
it together.
Choreography time. Heather makes sure we all know
she understands how your brain works to learn things. Whatever. Kaitlin likes
her choreographer because she’s made things easy for them. Kaitlin crawls
between Ben’s legs, and Lily judges her for being the center of attention like
Lily never does that, and then pretends she’s not terrible by saying she loves
that Kaitlin can talk about her journey. Shut up Lily. No one is after Ben.
Kaitlin couldn’t care less about any of you which is why she’s my favorite.
There are a lot of people in the audience. Former
contestants too which is fun. Guest judges are Travie McCoy, Lisa Loeb, and
Moby. Awesome. SMASH is up first and Heather is really confident about how
they’re going to kill it. She talks about faking the words, so I guess they
recorded the song earlier and now they’re just dancing and lip synching. Their
rap is actually not terrible. I mean they rap in binary and that is just
hysterical. The dancing is maybe sub-par but that’s if compared to actual
dancers. It’s pretty good for this show. Travie likes “nerd swagger” but wished
he could understand the lyrics better. Lisa liked the dancing and asks a
rhetorical question of “where are the nerds?” like “these are rappers and not
nerds.” Ori answers her because he’s dumb. Also wearing a fez is not “dressing
as Doctor Who”. Moby says he didn’t like the line about hypothesizing Newtonian
physics because of quantum mechanics. Also did you really read Hamlet in
Klingon? OK I kind of really love Moby for asking really detailed content
questions. Still, don’t be a party pooper, Moby. Moby is like, what is a
warrior’s drink in Klingon, do you know? Heather raises her hand and tells Moby
he just asked an inappropriate question because part of nerd culture is liking
what you like and we don’t need to prove anything to you. Shut up Heather, damn. Moby points out that
they just got contentious with a judge. Colby says Moby pulled a dick move because
Moby was bullying Ori. Can we please not call everything “bullying”? Moby is a
dick. He is not a bully for asking questions as A JUDGE. Moby responds to
Heather by saying if he’s a douchebag, then call him a douchebag, but maybe do
it after judging. Right!? Right. Ori appreciated Heather standing up for him
but maybe she threw the challenge.
Hooloovoo is up. Lily is the cocky one. Kaitlin
actually sings well and is a good performer. I knew I liked Kaitlin. I’m not
sure I like their song any better. It’s all about “acceptance” and “embracing
your inner nerd” and whatever. I guess the dancing is OK. So then Lily does a
rap thing, where you just make a list and say stuff fast. So where was the part
where she was singing poorly? The refrain? I guess everyone covered her up
because I didn’t really hear her. Somehow the judges love how great their
message is and whatever. Lisa thinks it’s weird to be proud about being a nerd?
Or maybe because they said everyone is a nerd? What? Why do you think you’re
here? Moby says all their nerd references are pop culture and so he likes how
SMASH had science references. See that’s a good argument. As the judges talk
it’s hard to see what they are leaning towards. As Moby is like “Team SMASH
clearly you hate me” Heather is all “hearts!” with her hand in a heart shape
but Moby is like “what does that mean? Does that mean ‘I kidney you?’” Ha! I
love how obnoxious he is. But then unanimously the judges pick Hooloovoo. Lame.
Being a nerd is about being proud of the weird shit you’re really into but it’s
not automatically about being nice to everyone and liking everyone. It’s about
not being a dick but I don’t have to be friends with everyone all the time.
Hooloovoo wins some headsets. I mean we couldn’t have one team with five and
one with three, I guess. Well we could and just move someone to the other team
right? Stupid.
Kaitlin is glad she won’t be in the Nerd-Off
today. Ori thinks they lost because Hooloovoo was better, not because Heather
can’t shut up and insulted a judge. Heather says it’ll probably be Ori and
Colby and hopefully Ori will lose. I know Colby is a threat but that would be
sad. Kaitlin wants Amanda in the Nerd-Off, because Amanda and Ben and Lily are
fucking terrible at having a SECRET alliance. Kaitlin totally knows. She goes
to Jonathan (oops) and tells him she thinks those three have something going
on. Jonathan tells her that she and Raychelle should help him and Colby. He
loves it and says now he has two alliances. If Ori loses, Jonathan will be in
an alliance with every single person in the house. Yeah, until Kaitlin
approaches Raychelle about this supposed new alliance of four and blows up your
spot.
In the morning Amanda says they’re sending Ori to
the Nerd-Off, and it’s about the alliance, as if Ori hasn’t pissed off
everyone. Ori tries to get to Colby, who says he’ll flip if Ori can get
Jonathan to flip. Ori would love to get rid of Heather, of course. Jonathan
could keep Ori, because he can beat Ori later, and also break up the
Heather-Amanda duo, but then they might lose more Nerd Wars.
Team SMASH are all holding hands which is
terrible. You have to get rid of everyone else to win. Let’s not pretend it’s
all sunshine and roses over here. House Hooloovoo unanimously votes Colby in
the Nerd-Off and he’s not particularly surprised. He’s a threat. Team SMASH
votes for Ori, and Curtis says it’s unanimous, which makes no sense unless Ori
voted for himself. Heather hugs him like she’s sad and she says Ori is the
sweetest person alive. Shut up Heather, you were such a bitch to him when you
thought he would keep you from winning and I haven’t seen anything to show me
you don’t think that all the time. Ori actually really did vote for himself,
because didn’t want any hard feelings on his team. So does that mean he’ll
throw the challenge? He interviews a bunch of stuff about being noble and
honorable and whatever. I wouldn’t mind Ori going home. Bobby mentions how
there are a lot of girls left and Jonathan realizes it’s possible the girls all
have their own alliance that excludes him and Ben. The Nerd-Off talks bout
history and “Indiana Bones”.
Colby is a history teacher and so Ori looks like
he’s in trouble. Colby talks about how his mom bought a set of encyclopedias to
keep him off the streets, and that when he won Jeopardy the first thing he did
was buy her a house in the suburbs so she could get out of that neighborhood.
Oh Colby. I hope this isn’t editing
about how you’re going home. Hooloovoo all helps Ori, because he’s useless and
they’d rather the other team keep a useless person around. Ori totally knows
what is going on and feels like a tool. I kind of feel bad, because who wants
to see all this help and know it’s only because all those people think you
suck? To be fair his questions to Team Hooloovoo sound pretty dumb.
Colby and Ori both get leather jackets and
fedoras. Colby says if you aren’t Harrison Ford, you shouldn’t be wearing a
fedora. Hee. You have to run up the hill, disarm some “henchmen” mannequins
with your whip, then cut down a burlap sack. There are 10 idols for 10 different
people, and you must place them in the order of birthdates. Colby knows he
doesn’t run. Ori is stretching like a dork. There are giant rolling boulders
and Ori seems to get both of them. Inside the cauldrons where there are daggers
to cut down the sacks are real snakes. Ha! Colby is first to do reach in so he
pulls ahead. So the “idols” are plastic heads with names that you put in order.
Colby says if you miss one, you really miss two, which is why he never gives
tests like that. He feels pretty confident about this century though, and also
the first few. Ori somehow hits the button first but he only has two people
right. Sigh. Colby actually only has two people switched. Nooo! Ori thinks he
has a chance, and he buzzes in before Colby can feel confident in his new
order. Ori’s still wrong, though, thank God. Colby interviews that this is
history based and if he loses he has to face his students. Colby is right! Yay!
Heather cries even though she is the one who is
the bitchiest to Ori by far. Colby is sad because he says it’s kind of lovable
how socially awkward Ori is, because they’ve all been there. See, that totally
is believable. He never did anything out of malice, which is true but that
doesn’t mean he’s not damn annoying and immature and I’m not particularly sorry
he’s leaving.
Next week: game night.
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