Project Runway All Stars 1/15/15--"Sketching with Sharks" summary

Previously on Project Runway All-Stars: the producers tried to get on our good side with male models diving into pools while wearing speedos. Nice try, but they were only on TV for like, 5 minutes max and then I had to watch the show. Anyway, make a swimsuit and some kind of cover-up. It wasn’t that exciting, and then Justin won which was fine. His clothes were fine. Sam got eliminated even though her jumpsuit was pretty good. The suit was pretty terrible though. (click for more)

Field trip to the aquarium. There are some penguins and Alyssa in a print dress that does her no favors. She reminds them that she was the inspiration for Arial in “The Little Mermaid” and so they will be making avant garde looks inspired by the aquarium. “Avant garde”. Two days to work, hopefully to actually work and not to have a ready-to-wear look thrown at them tomorrow. They will get $150. Everyone makes faces. However, they can get another $100 each if someone volunteers to sketch in the shark tank. Clearly someone will, and Helen and Michelle both raise their hands. Oh, like it’s so dangerous. Pff.

Sketching, which is mostly picture taking. Dmitry likes the sea horses. Fabio loves the sea anemones with long tentacles. Michelle says she loves the cuttlefish, which is weird but sure. Helen gets in the shark tank, and everyone yells, and she sketches. It’s not exciting except for how her sketching is crap because she’s underwater. Sonjia picked piranhas. Justin has some coral, which is cool because his 3-D printing that he did for his season finale kind of looked like that. Jay picks a lionfish because of course. It’s busy and has spines everywhere. Mood is Mood.

Dmitry has to engineer his pieces so he’s doing math and is quiet. Michelle hasn’t won yet, so she’s mentioning it, so she’s got a good chance of winning just from editing. Then suddenly everyone is going home. What? That’s it? That’s all you’re showing of Day One? OK.

Day two, which seems really early because mostly no one has anything to show for the first day. Justin doesn’t know what to do with his fabric, and he thinks it might be the wrong fabric. Michelle gives a really condescending interview about how this is Justin’s thing and he’s not having fun and she’s concerned. Just do your own stuff and leave everyone else alone. Helen also gets in on it and gives him some fabric. I mean, it’s nice that they’re all being nice, but it just makes me roll my eyes really hard. Fabio is super excited to do something creative.

Zanna time! Jay is putting the drama in the back. Justin is on the right track. He has a lot of ruffles. I like Fabio’s colors. Sonjia appears to have both a short dress and then a long straight skirt to go underneath. Michelle is making a reverse mullet hem. I’m not sure why. They get to Helen and it looks like she sprayed foam on her mannequin. It is a block of ruffles, just a straight column. Dmitry has outlines in silver to resemble the sea horse scales. It actually looks really cool. Zanna for some reason is frustrated he hasn’t won yet, but he’s like well everyone has an opinion. Now she’s offended…? He loves what he does and that’s all he needs. Zanna’s like “you need a win is what you need.” No he doesn’t Zanna. He likes his outfits so knock it off. Zanna brings in some woman to do nail art and award the winner of the challenge a year’s supply of nail stuff. Whatever. Then they have nail consults and they are just as exciting as hair and makeup consults. Which is to say, boring.

Model fittings. Helen hacks the bottom of her skirt off. Fabio’s outfit is backwards on purpose? I think? Actually now that we can see it more closely Dmitry’s outfit is really not white with silver outlines, but white panels held together somehow with sheer outlines. Remember he did that in his season? I think for his avant garde challenge? Or for his finale collection? Michelle is second guessing everything. She hates her look because there is so much volume her model looks pregnant.

Runway day. Lots of working. Hot makeup guy Scott. Fancy nail art with spikes and shit. Lots of fussing and accessorizing and what not.

Alyssa is wearing some weird foofy dress that makes her look really huge but also appears to have sheer pieces? Like over her shoulders are little rectangles and stuff like she has temporary tattoos. Guest judge is Nicole Scherzinger. Helen: knee length dress, loosely cut, with ruffles along one shoulder and then running down the side of the dress to circle the hem. It looks better than when it was solid ruffles from neck to knee but the dress still sits on her like a sack. All in a cream color. The back looks really bad in terms of fit. Michelle: short dress in maroon, with some chartreuse underneath. It seriously looks like she just wrapped fabric around this girl and pinned it somewhere. Before at least there was a distinct bodice, and a skirt, even if the skirt was super huge and really short in back. Now it’s all bulgy. Plus she had them put the lipstick on her poor model all over her face like she aimed for her lips and missed. Fabio: long pale pink top and wide pants. When she turns around you can see the pants have pleats on the back and the top has a V-neck so she’s basically backwards. The top has tails like a tuxedo, but in the front. Sonjia: the sleeveless top has a cowl and a hood, and then a short asymmetrical peplum. It’s a gold fabric with some stripes in it, and then over that are lines like coral. Under this is a sheer long skirt with more gold coral lines. It fits really well on top.

Jay: vinyl or leather jacket with a weird collar. Basically there’s a shelf right in front of her mouth that sticks out over her front. A flat shelf. The jacket is black and white stripes running from her chest down the sides. Under this is a dress that seems loose, in thinner stripes, and then I think it’s shredded in the back to make strips. The skirt is really short in the front. Maybe the jacket has strips too. The back looks like he took the stripes and didn’t sew the fabric together, but just left it sticking out however. Justin: champagne jacket and pencil skirt. The jacket has a lot of ruffles but it also fits really well so it’s not as annoying as Helen’s. The shoulders are wide and she has kind of a mutton sleeve. The back of the jacket is a keyhole that is filled in with ruffles, which is cool. Dmitry: long dress with sleeves and shoulder pads. He’s done his sheer thing so it’s all cut panels that just kind of float. I liked it when I saw it the first time.

Sonjia is safe. Helen makes sure everyone knows she got in the shark tank to help everyone out because she’s awesome. Somehow this ruffled thing is supposed to be sharkskin? I’ve seen it done way better. Hidden somewhere on her dress is some trim. Isaac thinks this dress is fantastic and Georgina says it tells a story and what in the fuck is happening right now? It is a sack. Ugh. When they show close-ups of Justin’s dress you can see threads hanging off it. This is not “avant garde”. OK so how is Helen’s sack with ruffles avant garde but this isn’t? Isaac hates the silhouette and the belt is too low. Apparently raising it an inch makes Alyssa so relieved. I’m so angry at this bullshit right now. This is nonsensical and arbitrary.

Jay’s dress turns Isaac on in some crazy way. Whatever, Isaac. I guess he did well. Dmitry’s dress is beautiful but Isaac says something about the length and jumping off a cliff. Georgina can’t stop looking at Michelle’s dress, but Isaac can because he says the more he looks at it the less he likes it. Nicole is like “I’m losing the female form” which is the most pretentious statement and also you can’t see any form in Helen’s dress so don’t give me that shit. Then they say the model and her jacked up lipstick are “resting bitchface” which just tells me they don’t know what that is. The judges argue over Fabio’s color. Nicole wants the clothes Fabio has on.

The judges deliberate but I seriously can’t with this. Helen’s loose cream colored ruffles and sack dress are just shark-like enough? Really? Michelle tries too hard. Dmitry isn’t “avant garde” enough but it’s still good and the length of the skirt is somehow genius. Fabio has poor material choice. Justin’s peplum was all strips of fabric and somehow this is a horrible travesty. Jay’s is too disjointed but at least he went for something. A short dress that’s not even fitted to the model, with ruffles on it, is not the greatest dress in this challenge.

Michelle is in. Dmitry wins, THANK GOD. Because if Helen had won for that bullshit I might have thrown my laptop at the TV. Helen is in. Jay is in. Justin is out. It’s not like I thought he would win or anything but you can’t tell me his outfit was the worst today. But I guess this is when he’s supposed to be eliminated and they had to make up some dumbass reasons. Justin is really upset but I think he feels he inspired people.

Next week: everyone’s on a billboard and they lose their shit, the judges are annoying. Some other nonsense I am sure.