Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Top Chef 12/16/09--Reunion summary

Just what we all wanted! A reunion show! Why can’t they let Tom run it like they used to let Tim Gunn do? Stupid Andy Cohen. (click for more)

See? The judges are already here. They could have run this thing. Everyone is here but Jesse, who “isn’t feeling well” and won’t be here. I’m not saying she is faking, that’s just what Andy said. They congratulate Michael, who says he’s going to start a restaurant. Someone left a comment on last week’s post that I shouldn’t only judge on personality and that Michael wasn’t as bad as Ilan and that he could cook. I never said he couldn’t cook. But since you didn’t read enough of the post to understand that I DO usually pick winners, 4 out of 6 times, probably you aren’t reading this now. Get your facts straight. Anyways, now we get a montage of Michael cursing and all his dishes. All the weird random stuff. So you know this means that he doesn’t win fan favorite, not that I think anyone assumed he would. Kmanpat brought up a good point, that if Michael won, Bryan would be happy for him, but the reverse is probably not true. Tom explains how they picked Michael for the win, which is that Bryan didn’t season his first two dishes and they were a little lower than Michael’s. Bryan says his restaurant has doubled its business, and Kevin also has more business, which is good. I didn’t think they would have any problems.


Andy rubs it in about Restaurant Wars, where Kevin and Jen’s team tried to double their money but failed. They stay on Restaurant Wars for a while, and show the clip of how Kevin and Laurine didn’t agree on how the lamb was cooked. After the episode, apparently, Kevin felt responsible for Laurine going home (which he partially was, probably) and he considered quitting. Tom reveals that Laurine thought Jen should have gone home and not Kevin. Everyone looks embarrassed because she never told. Gail points out that in a real restaurant, no one can see which chefs took on too many dishes and screwed up service, but they do see a front-of-house person who won’t stick around to explain the dishes.

And then Andy says they’ll reveal the winner of fan favorite tomorrow?!?! WTF is that? So then what is the point of this entire show? Jesus. Jen and Kevin are named, and Mike I. names Bryan. Montage of Jen. Now I can’t figure out who wins from the montages. Basically, Jen knows what she’s doing and takes charge of the kitchen. They nicely leave out the middle of the series where she started to fail. It was her strategy to be down on herself. Some guy from the internet asks about how everyone seems to be down on themselves. Aren’t chefs egomaniacs? Montage of cursing and how people think their food sucks. I especially like Ash’s litany of cursing, where he talks for like 30 seconds and only about 5 words are not bleeped. Then everyone says “suck”. Ashley says she’s competitive and hard on herself. Andy tries to get the judges to say this is a sign of insecurity on their part, but Toby feels people that are good in any field are always aware of where they could do better.

After commercial, we talk about cooking for the group of French chefs, and they show Mattin, who is still adorable but now that I’m watching “Chef Academy” with Emmanuel who is not only a French chef but a porn star? Sorry Mattin. Kevin won immunity that week and got to eat dinner instead of having to cook, but he wished he could have cooked instead. Andy says something about getting inside Kevin’s head at that table, since he doesn’t speak French, and then they have a montage of what the chefs really said and “What Kevin Heard” which is basically them making up stupid captions about Joel making fun of Kevin. It’s just not funny. I mean, it’s supposed to be, and it’s not like, offensive or anything. Not like the stupid bromance crap they pull out all the time. It’s just not as funny as it could be. See, because then they talk to Mattin about how he was in the bottom on that challenge, and then Andy says “You always seemed surprised when you wind up in the bottom”, and then he realizes what he said, and Mattin just grins and says “Always surprised”. (Kmanpat: “How can he be surprised? Who would let him be on top?”) Much funnier than the fake captions.

Andy starts talking about guest judges and he says “Joel” in an American way and not the French way which bugs me. Tom looks concerned. They imply that they’re going to talk about how the judges might have been intimidated by the guest judges, but instead they get a montage of the chefs talking about poor dishes. No one has any really quality soundbites. Toby says that watching the show later reminds him of how much they work, and gives him some insight as to why the food sucks sometimes.

Another viewer question: who had the best food out of all the seasons? First we need a montage of food porn shots and a discussion of everyone’s James Beard awards and Michelin stars, and how impressive they all were. So then of course the judges all say this was the best season.

Andy changes tack and calls Ash out, because he said he thought Padma didn’t like him. Andy asks everyone who thinks Padma doesn’t like them, and pretty much everyone except the final 4 raise their hands. And Laurine, she doesn’t raise her hand. Tom raises his though. Hee! She says it’s true for Tom but it’s not true for any of the constants. She just wants to know about their food and save the friendships for later. Tom pipes up that Toby hates everyone and Gail loves everyone.

Andy makes people claim that they went out too early. Mike says of his leek dish, the vegetarian in a steakhouse challenge, that he knew it was a bad dish and he thinks if he could have taken it back he’d have gone further. Tom just nods. Hector was pissed when he went out. That’s all he says though; he doesn‘t explain why he was pissed.

Another viewer asks if there were any scandalous romances. Missing Hosea and Leah? Ashley says she and Ash hooked up. Andy asks if they both switched teams for each other, and Ash claims that part was “tricky”. Hee. Oh you know that there wasn’t anything going on. They would have shown it. Montage of drinking, jumping in the pool at the bachelor/bachelorette party, drinking in the Stew Room, Mattin’s birthday (where he drank until he puked and also got naked), dragging Jen into the pool. Which I find interesting because other contestants put their hands on Jen while she is clinging to the walls, and yet in the end nothing happened with that. I mean, obviously Marcel was not happy about it, but Jen could have argued that too, probably. Things would have turned out a lot differently. Mike claims that chefs get drunk and then cook the next day all the time.

Someone asks about the sibling rivalry. Michael planned to take Bryan out earlier. Because it’s like “Survivor” in that you can control who goes home. It turns out that Ilan, Marcel, and Hung have all worked for them. Michael says Marcel is totally different from the person we see on TV, and he and Hung encouraged Michael to try out. When he auditioned, the people asked him for Bryan’s phone number. Awesome. Montage of the sibling rivalry. Basically they act like brothers. Except that Bryan says nice things about Michael sometimes. Michael claims he had guilt for beating Bryan. He has a story about how his mom offered to let him off punishment so he could watch “ALF” if he could stop harassing Bryan, and Michael said that wasn’t going to happen so he’d just go back to bed now, thanks. Andy brings out their mom, who says when asked, that she won’t admit which son she was rooting for. Tom offers that she must have been rooting for Kevin. Hee. She then says that since Michael won, Bryan gets the Corvette in the garage, instead of her giving Michael the Harley. She apologizes to Michael, and then Bryan points out that Michael won a Prius, while he gets a ‘79 Corvette. Hee.

Commercial interlude: montage of Ron laughing and entertaining everyone.

A viewer asks Eli why he lives with his parents (because the viewer also lives with his parents) and does it cramp his style with the ladies? Eli is all, “I’m glad you asked, Jeff” and says that he just moved in with them because while on the show he wouldn’t get paid, so couldn’t pay his rent. Yes, I know I said Jeff, because it’s the kind of tone you get when Jeff Probst asks people questions on “Survivor” and they are jerks like Silas and always say “Well, Jeff, blah blah blah.” Montage of Kevin and Eli being best buds. Best line? “I will f***ing cannonball the s*** out of that pool”, which is said by Kevin, and makes no sense at all. They talk about science and nerd things while everyone else looks really confused. Also once Padma came into the Stew Room and they were so engrossed about supersonic jets she had to wait for them to shut up. Kevin says it’s fun to be smart, and then says he’s going to get that on a T-shirt. He also shares about how he could have gone to MIT but he wanted to be a chef. Also he would have been the coolest person there and he wasn’t ready for that.

Mike says he got married at the end of the summer and that he’s really a nice guy. Padma feigns ignorance of his editing as a jerk. Tom claims no one understands Jersey boys. Now there is a montage of Mike talking about how he kicks ass and is the best. Andy brings up the time that he said he could cook better than a girl, which I just rolled my eyes at but apparently generated a lot of email. Mike refuses to explain himself and instead forces Jen to explain about how he’s a nice guy, which is pretty lame since he was talking about Jen.

Then Andy brings up Ashley’s insistence that she didn’t want to cook for a bachelor party when she couldn’t get married herself since she’s gay, because that generated a lot of emails too. Apparently people asked if she was upset about the military challenge too. She says she was shocked that “stating the obvious” was a big deal, and that she has no problem cooking for weddings. That’s not what she said at all. Saying it’s unfair she can’t get married is one thing, which is totally true and I am for that. But she said she didn’t want to cook for an institution she couldn’t be a part of, which isn’t “stating the obvious” and would imply she doesn’t cater weddings. She says she would never refuse a customer of any kind. Also not what she was edited to sound like.

Does Robin every stop talking? Let’s watch the montage! But Tom jumps in before they can start, to talk over Andy and point out that Robin hasn’t said a word all night, actually. But I will say that they never do that thing where they fade the talking in and out to make it seem like it goes on forever. She really does talk that much. They end the montage with Mike saying he wants to shove his clog in her mouth, and he and Eli are in tears laughing, but you’ll notice no one else thinks it’s that hilarious. She tries to say it’s been exaggerated, but Mike says it’s not. A viewer asks why no one was mature and adult, and just ask her not to talk to herself. GOOD POINT. Robin agrees. All that time, and not once did anyone ask her to be quiet? It sounds like no one even lost it and yelled at her to shut up. Mike claims Robin got under his skin, and she didn’t have any issue with him because he actually did tell her how he felt so she was fine about it. Clips of Eli and Robin’s fight, which was stupid all around. And people making fun of her. And then Eli’s cancer comment which was stupid. Etc. The best part is that this whole montage makes Robin look better because it’s edited to seem like everyone picked on her. Eli says that he regrets his comment about Robin using her cancer to win. Toby asks if he’s apologized, and he says he hasn’t because he hasn’t talked to her, but does NOT take the opportunity to do so now. Michael says he had conflicts with her in the kitchen, but he could also see how she took care of the house like a mother. She dealt it back to them too, and then Michael apologizes for anything he might have done. Finally Eli apologizes, and says he’s sorry for anything he’s done, and that he hopes she can “walk away from this and be civil, and all that”. You can’t apologize and then tell people to be civil. If she lays into you when you apologize, you just have to take it.

Andy asks if the contestants ever forget the cameras are rolling. Kevin, who is smart, you remember, is all, “I don’t know, Andy. Do we?” because of course Andy has a montage of just that. Outtakes, people making faces, Preeti failing at shucking clams, food falling and being dropped.

Some lecher asks how it was to serve Padma breakfast in bed, and she claims to have been wearing nothing under the robe but I doubt it. Kevin says it was awkward. Mattin asks if that’s the day she got pregnant. As everyone freaks out, she says she ate a lot of huevos but no. Ha! Then we congratulate Michael and we’re done! Woo! Oh, but first, everyone gets a bottle of Quickfire wine, which is a cabernet sauvignon, and is apparently $18.99 per bottle. Which sounds like something I should savor...which is not a Quickfire at all. (Kmanpat: "They should use it. 'For your Quickfire, here's some Quickfire! Make something to match our wine!"). That is totally a good idea.
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Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Top Chef 12/9/09--"Finale pt. 2" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the final 4 showed up in Napa Valley to cook on the Wine Train and then make dishes with local ingredients. Everyone did some things very well and some things poorly, but in the end no one was shocked to see Jen go home. Michael won the Quickfire and also a car, so hopefully the car curse will not be broken. You see, the “Top Chef” car curse is a little different from the “Survivor” car curse. Not only do you not win, but in the final episode you totally choke. Richard and Carla, people. Also a lot of people were upset and said the producers fixed the outcome, citing the judges’ lack of criticism for Jen’s food and their plentiful criticism of Michael’s food. When I watched the episode it didn’t bother me because in a ranking of the final 4, Jen clearly comes in fourth. So it made sense. Also if you read Tom’s blog, he says her duck was so salty it was inedible. If you want to be mad at the producers, then blame them for leaving that out. Oh, I know, “Michael is the villain of this season so we have to make sure everyone hates him by making it look like he doesn’t deserve to be there.” Whatever. (click for more)

Kevin is super excited about being in the finale and says he has the best win record. However, he knows the brothers will bring it and he respects them. The three boys sit around the table and wonder what Jen is doing. Michael says it sucks that it wasn’t Bryan. Asshat. In interview he brings up that Bryan hasn’t won a Quickfire yet so he needs the money.


Out in the vineyards Tom and Padma greet the finalists to give them their final challenge. As always, it is a meal, 3 courses this time. But! A twist! For the first course, they will each get a box with identical ingredients. They must use each ingredient in this course. Someone’s been watching “Chopped”. The second course can be whatever they feel like. Third course MUST be a dessert. Nice. Naturally they have very important diners that the contestants would kill to impress, and so forth. And naturally they have some help: pretty much every other contestant comes out. All of them this time, not just the last 6. Interesting. Padma says that each finalist will get two sous chefs from this pool. One will help today, and one will help tomorrow. They have to draw knives, and not for who picks first. The knives have names on them. Ooo. Michael says there are some names where he might just slit his throat with the knife. Yeah, whatever, drama queen. Kevin picks Preeti (crap, now I have to look up everyone’s names again) and Ash, Bryan gets Jen (damn) and Ashley, Michael gets Jesse (who?…oh yeah) and Eli. Kevin thinks he is screwed because he doesn’t know his sous chefs that well.

They only get 15 minutes to plan at Cyrus Restaurant. Damn. They open the boxes for the first course to find Dungeness crab, Pacific rockfish, Kabucha squash, Meyer lemons, matsutake mushrooms, and anise hyssop (also called licorice mint, I think). That will be hard. 3 hours of prep begins. I think they’re raiding the restaurant walk-ins for food. Bryan says they’ll also get 3 hours of prep tomorrow. Ashley seems to be really helpful. There’s a lot of flailing, especially about the box. Kevin says there are plenty of pumpkins, and tells Preeti that as long and they have perfect cuts they’re fine. She’s taking FOREVER and only doing a small fraction of the work. He’s getting pissed, which is odd because it seems like it would take a lot for Kevin to get pissed. Bryan says it’s not the time to try new things. True. Michael insists that he does whatever he wants and that’s what makes him awesome. Bryan is not playing it safe, but playing it smart. I’m inclined to agree with Bryan. Kevin might have to change his menu because he doesn’t know if he can rely on his sous chefs.

The morning of the final challenge, Kevin is worried about his lost prep time. Bryan has a list and drawings of his final plates. Michael still has no idea about his first course. Someone knocks at the door, and Michael knows it’s probably Padma with their usual “twist”. Finally someone watches reality TV! Bryan speculates as to the nature of the twist: no sous chefs? Extra course? Less time? Kevin opens the door to find…his mom? Michael is confused, until his and Bryan’s own mom pushes past. Awesome. The brothers’ mom buttons up Bryan’s jacket for him. Hee. She interviews that best case scenario, one of her sons will lose. She futzes with Michael’s sleeves and he protests, and Bryan is like, Mom can fix your sleeves however she wants to, man. Hee. Kevin’s mom gives him a pep talk.

The contestants get into the restaurant and are stopped by Tom. Bryan is like, HERE’S the twist. Tom lets them know that in honor of their mothers there will be an extra course on the menu. This course (the new first course) will be dedicated to their mothers and be inspired by a childhood memory. Nice. They still have 3 hours. Bryan says his mom brought them up themselves, and there is a totally adorable picture of Michael and Bryan when they were little. Bryan’s first course is “tuna noodle casserole”: sardine, German butterball potato, panko bread crumbs, fennel cucumber linguini. Interesting. Actually that sounds good. Michael’s first course is “broccoli reinvented”: cream of dehydrated broccoli, spot prawn, and fried broccoli. I’m not sure what spot prawns have to do with anything, and “cream of dehydrated broccoli” sounds nasty, but I like plain broccoli so what do I know? He’s trying to reinvent foods he didn’t like as a kid. Kevin reminds us he got into MIT and went to chef’s school instead. Oh, those pictures. He looks much better with the beard. His first course is “chicken and fixings”: fried chicken skin, tomatoes, liquid squash casserole.

Everyone moves on to explaining their second course. Bryan is making sous vide rockfish, diced matsutake, and Meyer lemon jam. Michael is poaching the fish in butter, then a tomato-kombu sauce to cook the crab in, and sweet & sour salad. Kevin is cooking the fish in duck fat, roasted matsutake, and roasted crab broth. The mushrooms are kind of tough. Ash has a ton of things to do but he’s getting everything done.

Third course! Chef’s choice! Michael: fennel-scented squab, pistachio cassoulet, textures of mushrooms. I don’t know what “textures” of mushrooms are. He thinks it won’t look like what he usually does. Right. Kevin: slow cooked pork belly, roasted broccoli and Brussels sprouts, caramelized ham jus. Kevin says “pork is my jam.” Bryan: venison saddle, Brussels sprouts, sunchokes, maple-glazed carrots.

Fourth course! Dessert! Destroyer of dreams! Michael: chocolate caramel coulant, with butternut squash ice cream. A coulant looks like a soufflĂ©, or possibly molten chocolate cake. Kevin: roasted banana chocolate bacon mousse with peanut bacon brittle. Hee. Bryan: sheep’s milk and white chocolate dulce de leche cheesecake, dry caramel, fig sorbet, poached pear. He’s pouring liquid nitrogen over the cheesecake. Everyone frantically plates the first course and feels confident.

The moms get to have dinner with everyone, and Padma begs forgiveness for the criticism. The brothers’ mom says she lives in Vegas and knows where to find Tom. Hee. When the finalists come out to introduce the first course, Bryan says it’s not fair. Kevin knows his mom won’t hesitate to speak her mind, and embarrass him. Padma introduces everyone, and it’s the usual assortment of bigwigs. The one name that amuses me is Donatella Arpaia, who often judges Iron Chef and was just a judge on “Next Iron Chef” so she is fully used to reality show cookery. The other restaurateurs are all men who own multiple restaurants and would be very important in gaining jobs or restaurants of their own. Everyone’s dishes look very small, but it is the first course. They look good but Michael’s fried broccoli looks brown and sad. Maybe fried broccoli looks like that all the time. Tom says Kevin’s squash is like wine, and has more flavors each time you taste it. It reminds someone of the south. His mom says it’s very much like the dish he described. Bryan’s dish was the least seasoned, but they seem to like it. Some of Michael’s shrimp are undercooked, and his mom says he didn’t just hate broccoli, he hated everything, which explains a lot. Then Padma tries to make the brothers’ mom pick her favorite. Lame. Then the mothers have to leave, which is super lame. They interview about how proud they are, and Kevin’s mom says she is excited Kevin can show the world what a Southern boy can do, and she does the finger/head snap which I have only seen on divas and gay men. Then she says he takes simple food and turns it into something FABulous. I love her.

The second course comes out. Everyone used fish as the centerpiece, but only Michael explained where the crab was. Kevin’s broth was fantastic, but the mushroom was tough. Bryan’s seasoning is still lacking. Gail thinks it’s the safest, uninspiring. Michael’s combo of squash and lemon was fantastic.

Kevin’s pork belly is a big fat slab. Oh, it looks good. It’s like the size of a graham cracker. Bryan finally seasoned his dish and they love it. The “textures of mushrooms” apparently means he pureed mushrooms and then remolded them in mushroom shapes. Donatella calls him on the gimmick and says they don’t need gimmicks at this level. Kevin’s pork belly had a great sauce but it might not have been cooked long enough.

Michael realizes that Eli overfilled his molds for his dessert, but also he overcooked them. Oops. They look like little disks of cake, on their sides, but with no sauce on them. No one’s desserts look super fantastic. Someone says they don’t like pork in their dessert. The banana wasn’t enough. Michael’s cake did turn out dry. Tom knows that you have to serve those cakes immediately. Bryan’s cheesecake was pleasant and his dessert took skill. Everyone sounds pretty confident, except for Michael, who realizes his worst dish was the last one he served.

Commercial interlude: the finalists talk about how they feel confident, except for Michael. This is what we just watched! Is this just so you can rub it in when Michael wins and defeats the car curse? Because I can tell he didn’t choke, not as bad as previous car winners.

Toby tells Bryan that his fish didn’t have enough conflicting textures. Also he thinks his dishes show restraint and aren’t particularly bold. Bryan doesn’t find this a fault. They loved his venison. Time for Kevin. Padma loved his first dish. Actually they all loved his first dish, especially the squash. Toby was disappointed by his pork belly, mainly because he was expecting more from someone with a pig tattoo. Michael nailed the matsutake mushrooms, and took some risks. His second course had a lot of layers. They call him on his cake, which he admits wasn’t that great. Padma then makes each one beg for the win. Bryan expressed his cuisine, that’s what’s the most important to him. Michael starts by saying he just doesn’t want Bryan to win. Asshat. He eventually says this is all he’s ever done and it’s his whole life. Kevin loves food and hopes he’s cooked food that’s soulful and expresses who he is.

Back in the winery’s Stew Room, Kevin forlornly says he thinks Michael might have won. Aww, Kevin! Meanwhile the judges go course by course. For the first course, Kevin obviously beat out Bryan’s under seasoned dish and Michael’s poor choice of spot prawns. I mean, Toby claims to like Bryan’s but I don’t think anyone agrees with him. Second course: Michael used his ingredients best. Gail didn’t like the tomato, but didn’t hate it as much as Kevin’s mushrooms. Toby thought the broth compensated, but Tom insists it wasn’t used properly. Bryan’s dish was one-note. Third course: Bryan’s dish was flawless. Toby, contrary as always, thinks it wasn’t as memorable as Michael’s squab. Gail thinks the mushrooms and the pistachios failed. She also thinks Kevin is capable of more. Fourth course: Michael screwed up his cake, but the flavors were bold. Kevin was disappointing again, but Bryan’s dish is one that Gail and Tom would like to eat again. Knowing that last week Jen’s duck was so salty, and they never once even hinted at it, makes me leery to guess.

MAN. There’s a reunion show. With Andy Cohen. Just what I wanted!

Tom and Padma drag out this thing FOREVER until finally Padma says Kevin’s name and I get super excited but he didn’t win. L He says it sucks that he had a bad day and it kept him from winning. Don’t go around complaining about producer conspiracy because they clearly showed that he made mistakes. He’ll be fine. Kevin, I want to come to your restaurant. And eat pork in every course. And then Michael wins. MAN. You make me doubt the car curse! He’s almost as bad as Ilan! Asshat! Jeez. Well…I’d say the track record for this show is pretty good, in terms of the winner being the person I have been rooting for. Just not this time.

Next week: Andy Cohen will make me angry and Eli probably still hates Robin.
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Monday, December 7, 2009

TAR15, Recap Leg 12, 12/6/09

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Turn Your Head and Kafka For Me, teams raced around Prague only to find themselves answering telephones, hanging out in -180°C temperatures, and hauling clay figures and beer around in the night. The Globetrotters made a fatal error and quit a roadblock after all other teams had left it, faced a four hour penalty and couldn’t make it up. So they were the last team eliminated before the final leg. So, the question is: Who will win The Amazing Race 15? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
– (Toyouke: “"Bold game-changing moves"? Or "Bitchery which they are unwilling to own"? Because you should at least own that you are willing to play dirty. I mean, if I was going to steal cabs and reninge on alliances, I would at least explain myself by reminding everyone that RACE. Instead of pretending to be sorry.”)
3rd – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang – (Toyouke: “Has there ever been a team that never came in first but won in the end? Because I'm pretty sure that's a no.” Kmanpat: “Actually, there was one. Eric and Danielle from TAR11.” Toyouke: “No, I meant a real team. They weren’t All-Stars.”)

Strelecky Ostrov, Prague, Czech Republic

11:10 AM Meghan/Cheyne (1st)
Clue: Fly 6000 miles to your FINAL DESTINATION CITY: Las Vegas, NV, USA! Once there, take taxi to the Graceland Wedding Chapel and find Elvis to get your next clue.


Meghan and Cheyne go to a travel agent first and find a 6:40 Pm flight on British Airways, which means everyone should be on the same flight.

12:08 PM Sam/Dan (2nd) – Dan: “This is Operation Beat Meghan and Cheyne. It’s also Operation Don’t Yell at Each Other.”
3:15 PM Brian/Ericka (3rd) – and Ericka talks about her mother’s non-acceptance of Brian again.

Teams arrive at the Airport, except they don’t seem to know who is going to be there. (Toyouke: “Why don't they know the other team? What happened to eat sleep and mingle? WTF?”) They arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Brian/Ericka

The Amazing Red Line takes us back to the states, directly to Las Vegas, Nevada. (Toyouke: “London-Vegas is one damn long flight.”) Teams get their taxis out of the airport in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Sam/Dan


Teams race to the Graceland Wedding Chapel. When all three teams arrive, they interrupt a wedding. Elvis is singing “Amazing Grace,” which is appropriate, since it sounds like Amazing Race. (Toyouke: “Oh, everyone looks all happy and singing, but they really are DYING to get their clue.”)

Teams get their clues in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Brian/Ericka

Teams are now instructed to travel to Mandalay Bay to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka – (Toyouke: “I know I claimed to be indifferent, but when Brian and Ericka showed up way before everyone to Mandalay Bay I cheered.”)
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Sam/Dan

And teams come to the final roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to climb down the mountain

In this roadblock, one team member must go to the top of the Mandalay Bay hotel and perform a face first rappel down the side of the building. If they do, the supervisor gives you your next clue.


The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Ericka – who disapproves of the Miss America stereotype. (Toyouke: “Girl, those weren't stereotypes about Miss America, I got those opinions from your previous uselessness that you overcame in later legs.” Auburnium0513: “I just thought of something...has Ericka done more Roadblocks than Brian? We keep saying that she's useless, but did she really do more Roadblocks or am I just crazy with a bad memory?” Kmanpat: “They were tied, 6 and 6.”)
2- Cheyne – who is horribly afraid of heights. Cheyne: “This is gnarly!” “I hear Meghan; I must be getting closer. But I’m not looking!” (Toyouke: “What is this, 1987? Is Cheyne rappelling with his eyes closed? Huh?”)
3- Sam – “Step aside, Tom Cruise!”

Teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Sam/Dan


Teams are then instructed to go to the Mirage and find Stage Door 2. They arrive in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Sam/Dan


Teams are then instructed to join the Cirque Du Soleil. (Toyouke: “OMG, you would pee your pants with excitement if you could be in a Cirque show.” Kmanpat: “You bet your sweet bippy. That would be gnarly.”) One team member gets suited up to be launched into the air by bungee cord to grab a bouquet of flowers. Once they get the whole bouquet, they give it to the Flower Child to get their next clue. Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
- who switch back and forth on who is doing the task which slows them down. (Toyouke: “Both Meghan and Dan were launched, and then they bounced a second time to get higher and get the flowers. I don't think Ericka was doing that. Not as well as those two, anyway, and especially not after she totally freaked out.”)

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to the most famous casino in the country of Monoco and find their next clue. (Auburnium0513: “It's not in Spain! It's a country, the clue tells you so! Well, actually it's technically a principality, but a very lovely one at that.”) So, teams must first figure out that they are going to the Monte Carlo. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Meghan/Cheyne
–who somehow end up at the Venetian first. (Toyouke: “Ha, Venetian. Somehow, the fact that Meghan and Cheyne may lose this show because they don't know their geography is very satisfying in a karmic sort of way.” Auburnium0513: “The Venetian? Really? Between that misinformation and Sam and Dan following them, Brian and Ericka might have a prayer.”)

Teams are told to go to the High Roller Room and count poker chips until they have $1000000 in chips. When they think they have enough, they ask their dealer to count them. If they are correct, they get a special Million Dollar Poker Chip and their next clue. (Auburnium0513: “It's like the gold task all over again, but this time there's no hookah option.”)

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – (Toyouke: “And there's Meghan and Cheyne not freaking out and heading out first.”)
2- Sam/Dan – who had to recount once. (Toyouke: “And there's Sam and Dan's meltdown. Well, Dan's anyway.”)
3- Brian/Ericka – who had to recount more than once.

Teams are now told to go to the MGM Grand and make their way to the High Rollers Suite to get their next clue from Mr. Las Vegas, aka Wayne Newton. He will tell them where the finish line is.

Teams find Wayne Newton in the following order.

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka

Teams get their clue from Wayne Newton and find that they must now take a taxi to Wayne Newton’s ranch, Casa De Shenandoah, the FINISH LINE of this racearoundtheworld. (Toyouke: “Ha, "my house".”) The first team to arrive will win The Amazing Race!

1- Meghan/Cheyne – (Toyouke: “Interesting. I don't think they knew they were first. Watch Meghan, she looks shocked when Phil says they're first.”)
2- Sam/Dan – Dan: “I’m never going into a casino again!”
3- Brian/Ericka

8 countries, 21 days, 25000 miles, Meghan and Cheyne, you are the Winners of The Amazing Race 15! And that ties them with Nick and Starr for most first place finishes in a race (7) as well as the team with the highest finish average ever. Eh, anticlimactic.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Brian/Ericka
4th – Flight Time/Big Easy
5th – Gary/Matt
6th – Maria/Tiffany
7th – Mika/Canaan
8th – Lance/Keri
9th – Zev/Justin
10th – Marcy/Ron
11th – Garrett/Jessica
12th – Eric/Lisa


Next season: I hear we’re leaving from Los Angeles again. Not like that’s a surprise or anything. I also hear that we’re getting another team of Big Brother contestants. Last time they did that, Alison and Donny in TAR4 lasted two episodes. Oh, and like, such as, Caitlin Upton, the Iraq, the Amazing Race 16!!! Until next time!
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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Top Chef 12/2/09--"Finale pt. 1" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: it was a long time ago, wasn’t it? We had our final 5, and they had to make a roulade of 3 proteins for a Quickfire, in honor of the Bocuse D’Or. Michael felt a terrine would work, even though stacking meats is not the same as rolling them up inside each other. Then the Elimination challenge was a mini-Bocuse D’Or, ha, and everyone failed in some fashion. The winner was Kevin, who executed everything perfectly but was very simple in his presentation. Eli failed the most, so he finally went home, so the final 4 is Kevin, Michael, Bryan, and Jen, which you could have called from episode 1. Sigh. I mean, not that I don’t think they deserve it, because they do, but it would have been nice to have some suspense or something. (click for more)

Jen is driven through Napa and talks about how nice it is. She arrives at the train depot. Heh, train. Sorry, I feel like I should warn all of you that I have been at wine club all evening (Kmanpat: “The first rule of wine club is: you don’t talk about wine club“) so…things will be interesting. Michael shows up too and wonders if they’re taking a train. While they’re at the train depot. Kevin wants to win. I love Kevin. Bryan is last and is competing for his son. Aww. Then a train shows up, and it’s the Wine Train. You guys, my sister and I bought tickets on the Napa Valley Wine Train for my parents’ 30th wedding anniversary, and they paid for us so all four of us could go. Basically they serve you a meal as you ride the train through Napa. It was the day before I turned 21. And the waiter offered me a mimosa and my dad was like, “No no, she can’t have any, she’s not old enough.” ONE DAY. Padma is there and pregnant, and she looks better than Heidi does. I’m just saying. She is there with Michael Chiarello, whom I know people disliked on Top Chef Masters but I like him.


For the last Quickfire challenge, they must create a dish with grapes. 30 minutes an
d a full pantry, and then they’ll serve Michael and Padma on the train. Oh, because they’re cooking on the train. Heh. Those kitchens are small. Kevin says he gets motion sickness easily so this should be a grand time. Oh and one more thing: they’re playing for a car. Car curse!

Everyone runs onto the train and it starts up while they rummage through all the varieties of grapes they have there. Everyone cooks in a very small space where they have to dodge each other. Michael claims the one prep table which pisses off his brother. This cooking sequence is nothing new.

Kevin: honey and fromage blanc mousse, glazed grapes, olive oil, and sea salt. And edible flowers. It looks pretty. Michael: grape leaves stuffed with “couscous” with vinegar glazed grape and scallop kabob. I’m not sure what the “couscous” is or why it’s in quotes. Bryan: roasted hen, bacon, Brussels sprouts, concord grapes, ruby quinoa, and arugula. Jen: sautĂ©ed chicken livers, clams, cabernet grapes, wild mushrooms and tendrils.

Kevin could have used a little more grape, Michael used a lot of the grapes and vines, Bryan used concord grapes which are not native to Napa, but the bacon came through, and Jen’s dish was so good Michael’s going to steal it. The winner is Michael. Car curse, is what I’m saying. He of course is ignorant of fate and says he’s totally going to win it all.

In the morning, Kevin takes a picture of breakfast and texts it to Jen. She talks about Eric Ripert and how she wants to win. The elimination challenge for today is to cook for the Rutherford Hill Winery’s end of season crush party, for 150 people. This is also supposed to be a celebration of local ingredients, so they will only have local ingredients available to them, except for salt and pepper. Heh. Each of them will make two dishes. One must be vegetarian, and the other must feature a local protein. Kevin is feeling confident. They’ll shop at a farmers’ market and then cook this afternoon.

45 minutes at the farmers’ market and $600. Jen doesn’t know what to do. The boys seem pretty confident. Michael is making egg custard. They are cooking at Brix restaurant, with 5 hours. Michael has a ton to do, and even has a list. Jen is trying to just cook and not think about how this is the end for one of them. Bryan has short ribs that he’s braising. Michael brings up the sibling rivalry, again, some more. Car curse.

Tom time! Kevin is making grass-fed beef brisket with pumpkin polenta and marinated root vegetables. The vegetarian dish is a roasted beet and carrot salad with carrot top puree and San Andreas cheese. That sounds fantastic. Jen is making chevre mousse with honey mushrooms, butter braised radishes and basil. Her protein dish will be grilled duck breast, braised duck legs, squash puree, and foie gras vinaigrette. The mousse sounds interesting. Bryan is working on goat cheese ravioli, delicata squash puree and bronze fennel. His other dish is fig glazed short ribs, celeriac puree, wax beans and wild arugula. Ooo…that sounds better than Kevin’s. Last up is Michael. He is making vegetable pistou, heirloom tomato coulis, 63 degree egg and fennel. Pistou is sort of like pesto without pine nuts. The protein dish is turnip soup with foie gras terrine, poached pear and glazed turnip. That sounds…not like a protein dish. Tom comments on everyone without actually saying anything. Also, where have these vegetarian dishes been all season? These all sound so much more appealing than when they had to cook without meat during the whole rest of the show.

Jen says the grill is dying out so instead of feeding it she puts her duck breast in a pan to cook it. Kevin makes a comment about how his beef is going on the table even if it’s not tender. Bryan and Michael both talk about how they kind of want their brother to make it to the finale but then again not really.

Everyone sets up for the party. Michael is relieved that his eggs are done properly. Kevin says his food is well-seasoned. No one seems ready.

Padma…is wearing knee high red patent leather boots, and a black dress with a mock turtleneck and a giant keyhole cutout. Bryan’s up first, with his ravioli and short ribs. His food needs a little salt. Michael claims that having to cook with fresh ingredients will change his cooking. His turnip soup is green, with a black lump of turnip and a Rolo-shaped lump of foie gras. Tom thinks the egg in the vegetarian dish overwhelms everything else, and Padma is not excited about the egg, as she likes her eggs firmer. Gail is not please either, but as you recall, it’s hard to please Gail with eggs. They do love the turnip soup and foie gras, though. Kevin interviews that he wants to cook for the people and not just the judges. His dishes look great. His vegetarian dish has bright green and red and white. They love the polenta but the brisket is labeled “ropy”. Jen is last. She’s thrilled with her duck confit. She promises her duck is good for Padma’s baby. The goat cheese is very salty, although Tom likes the idea of the dish. They love the duck. Michael is cocky, while Kevin just thinks someone talented will be going home.

There is a wine tasting? With Terlato wines? I think this is a commercial interlude. Yes. That was pointless.

Everyone has to come to Judges’ table, which is in the cellars. Kevin’s vegetarian dish was perfect and stunning in simplicity. Tom says he knows some of Kevin’s competitors *cough*MICHAEL*cough* may have thought it was too simple but it was wonderful. Cut to a shot of Michael looking uncomfortable. Heh. Sadly Kevin’s brisket was not as tender as it should have been. He says he doesn’t know if he’d do things differently, given more time, because he wanted a contrast to the soft polenta. Hmm, good point. Bryan’s vegetarian dish was complex, but lacking seasoning, according to Padma. He got his meat tender (unlike Kevin, I guess) but the fig glaze didn’t taste figgy. That’s what Gail said. Michael cut up his vegetables very fine, and Gail tells him he might have left them bigger and rustic. Padma didn’t think her egg was done enough, and he says something about not shaking it enough? I guess he peeled all the eggs, and then put them in a spoon and tried to shake off the uncooked egg white. Tom wonders why he didn’t bother to be extra careful with the judges’ plates. They praise the foie gras a lot, except for Gail thought the turnip soup as bitter. Apparently if you ate it with the foie gras it was great, but there wasn’t enough foie gras so eventually you were left with just the soup by itself. And Michael had 5 more terrines of foie gras that he didn’t use because he thought he might run out. Jen’s goat cheese mousse had a lot of salt, and she used a type of salt that doesn’t taste salty right away, so she put too much in. She also admits that she had to cook her duck in a pan because the grill ran out of fuel.

Jen’s chevre mousse was great but just salty. Her duck dish might have been great if she had grilled it like she planned. Michael was very creative but didn’t have the right proportion of soup to foie gras. His eggs weren’t separated, and he was sloppy with that, and there was too much egg. Gail fell in love with Bryan’s ravioli, which needed seasoning. The figs got lost in his short ribs but they turned out very well. Kevin’s beets and carrots were wonderful. Tom says it’s great that Kevin was able to defend his brisket but bottom line, it needed more time to cook.

The winner this week is Bryan. Cool. Tom says for the three of them left, their dishes were very good, but they were each just missing something. Jen is sent home. I kind of thought that would happen, just because although Michael is an asshat the judges love his food, and Kevin is good. But it’s sort of sad. She made some friends and she didn’t have time to fix anything. The boys all hug each other while Jen packs up and cries in interview and then leaves the Top Chef kitchen even though they’re in Napa Valley and not Vegas.

Next week: the judges are bitches. Seriously. And someone wins.
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Monday, November 30, 2009

TAR15, Recap Leg 11, 11/29/09

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Mom, Don Giovanni Laughed At Me!, teams flew from Estonia to Prague, Czech Republic. It was the Barbies versus the Globtrotters, and the Gays stealing Yin-Yang’s taxi. In the end, Meghan and Cheyne still ended in first, and Brian and Ericka ended in last place in the last non-elimination leg. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
4th – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang

Prague Castle, Prague, Czech Republic

9:46 PM Meghan/Cheyne (1st)
Clue: Take a taxi to the Spanish Synagogue, oldest Jewish house of prayer in the city, to get your next clue. You have 113 for this leg of the race.


10:13 PM Sam/Dan (2nd) – Sam: “We’re going insane.” Dan: “We just want to run a friendly race.”
10:17 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd) – Big Easy: “We’re going to show off who we really are.”
11:40 PM Brian/Ericka (4th) – Brian: “We’re going to overcome more than a speed bump.”

Teams arrive at the Spanish Synagogue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka


However, once they arrive, Brian and Ericka find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the third of three speed bumps on this race, teams must find M1 Pub and pay a visit to the Green Fairy by using a three step process to create a shot of absinthe. Then they must each drink their shot for the bartender and get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Brian/Ericka

So, Brian and Ericka drink. Brian: “This is a party, not a Speed Bump! And I don’t even drink!” Ericka: “It doesn’t help that we’re surrounded by pretty girls.” Brian: “We are? I didn’t notice.” And they get their next clue.

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, teams come to the eleventh roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
In order to obtain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd.

In this roadblock, one team member must solve a roadblock described as Kafka-esque. They must enter a warehouse filled with ringing phones and answer them to find the five that give letters out on the other end. These letters spell FRANZ. Once all five letters are received, teams must fill out a form for the supervisor and list the letters in the correct order. If they do, the supervisor gives you your next clue.


(Auburnium0513: “I'm not sure how I feel about this phone task. It seems like a different version of Swedish roulette.” Toyouke: "Dude. That's not even a question. We should get jobs as clue writers.")

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Meghan – who says each letter out loud. Meghan: “Rabbit, Zebra, Ferret. . .” (Auburnium0513: “What IS an animal that starts with N? All I can come up with is numbat...” Kmanpat: “How about newt?”)
2- Dan – “This supervisor is the biggest douche ever.” (Toyouke: “Dan is an asshat. I can't imagine that's anything new.”)
3- Big Easy – who asks Dan If he wants to work with him. Big mistake.
4- Brian – who is extremely polite to the guys on the phone. Brian: “Hello? Can you repeat that?”

(Auburnium0513: “Wouldn't you write down the letters FIRST before worrying about all the rest of the questions?”)

Teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
– Dan, as he title quotes on his way from the roadblock: “It starts with F!” (Auburnium0513: “You are such an asshole! You agreed to help each other!”)
3- Brian/Ericka – who had written out all the combinations before submitting. Brian: “And I did it drunk, too!”
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who give up and quit the task and take a four hour penalty. (Toyouke: “Nooo! 4 hours! This is an elimination leg!” Auburnium0513: “Oh Globetrotters...I hope this doesn't knock you out of the Race.”)


Teams are then instructed to go to the Kryocentrum to get their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan

3- Brian/Ericka
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
– who arrive and get a clue telling them to go directly to the Pit Stop. Not good. (Auburnium0513: “You know you're far behind and eliminated when you get a different clue than everyone else...sad. I liked the Globetrotters.”)

Teams are then treated to 2 minutes of the coolest holistic treatment on the planet at -180° in their skivvies. (Toyouke: “This is the most random task. Stand in the cold?”) Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – Cheyne: “I feel bad for polar bears.”
2- Sam/Dan – Sam: “My ass is too big to fit in these.” (Kmanpat: “No worries. Wear them anyway.”) Attendant: “Take off your stuff.” (Toyouke: "I'm surprised there was no shrinkage comment.")
3- Brian/Ericka

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Charles Bridge and find their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka


And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Legend OR Lager
*Legend: Teams make a golem using a prepared structure and wet clay. Teams then transport the Golem to the Old New Synagogue, where a rabbi will approve the golem and give teams the next clue.
*Lager: Teams go to a local brewery and pick up pints of beer to deliver to a local pub. Once all 30 glasses have been delivered, teams will get their next clue.


(Auburnium0513: “I'd go Lager all the way! Let's hear it for server training!”)

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Legend – where Meghan takes the lead and gets a very tired Cheyne through the task. (Toyouke: “That's Cheyne yelling? Psshh.”)
2-Sam/Dan choose Legend – where there is much bitching from the peanut gallery. Sam: “We can’t have dirt on the Golem; the rabbi will be pissed!” (Toyouke: “Jesus, Dan is a whiny bitch. I'm not really paying attention but nothing exciting is happening except the golems are heavy and Sam and Dan dropped theirs. And you know what Sam? HE'S COVERED IN MUD.” Auburnium0513: “Waah, it's so heavy! Good grief! You boys are whining more than Ericka! I really hope the Rabbis reject the broken-armed man.”)
3- Brian/Ericka choose Lager – who are fighting drunk people the whole way. Ericka: “Touch me and you’ll get punched!” (Toyouke: “I'm sad for Ericka, but I'm impressed she dropped the glasses when they were by themselves and not near the drunk people. If these drunks aren't hired by production, which I'm pretty sure not all of them are, because their faces are blurred, that seems unsafe. Hee, this redeems Ericka slightly. She will cut you. Plus, you're trying to steal beer from random people on the street and you're going to complain about American attitude?”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
– Dan: “I was a baby!” (Kmanpat: “Yes, yes you were. Now put on a diaper.”)
3- Brian/Ericka – who arrive with their last beers to find the bartender asleep.

Teams get their clue and find that they must now take a taxi to Strelecky Ostrov, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win 2 52” LDC HD TVs. Whoop de doo.
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
– (Toyouke: “OK, they were cute spazzing out.”)
4- Flight Time/Big Easy

And Flight Time and Big Easy are eliminated, after we were treated to “Sweet Georgia Brown” and a compilation of the Globe’s best moments.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Brian/Ericka


Next week: Finale! Las Vegas! Reverse Bungee! Cirque Du Soleil! Elvis! Poker Chips! Winner! Until next time!
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

TAR15, Recap Leg 10, 11/22/09

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Hottie Estonian Guys in the Mud, teams took a ferry across the Baltic Sea to Tallinn, Estonia. There was the discovery of the elusive candle-a-bra, and the Gays and the Globes got in a tripping match in a bog. But in the end, Gary and Matt found that seven minutes behind is too far behind and were sadly eliminated. And who will be eliminated. . . next?

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
2nd – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
4th – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang

Keava Rava Overlook Tower, Keava, Estonia

12:00 AM Meghan/Cheyne (1st)
Clue: Fly 700 miles to Prague, Czech Republic! Once there, travel to Old Town Square and find the Vintage Praga, which is a Czech convertible. Once there, the man in the convertible will give you your next clue. You have $0 for this leg of the race.


Cheyne informs us that his only goal is final three and that he and Meghan are taking it one leg at a time.

12:19 AM Sam/Dan (2nd) – Sam: “Prague? SWEET!” Dan: “What’s Prague? Do they speak Spanish?” Sam: “No, it’s a country.” (Auburnium0513: “When did Prague become a country?”)
12:20 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (3rd)
12:22 AM Brian/Ericka (4th) – Brian: “We’re looking for Vintage Prada?” (Toyouke: “PraGa, not PraDa. Sigh. Although, "Go to the Old Town Square and look for a man in a vintage jacket" is a totally acceptable task.”)

Teams travel to the airport and arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Flight Time/Big Easy


The teams then find out that the fastest way to Prague will be a flight at 5:20 am to Riga Latvia on Air Baltic, and then transfer to a flight to Prague at 8:15 am. (Auburnium0513: “Looking up a Praga online, smart!!” Toyouke: “Did two teams just decide not to look up what a Praga was? Really? “) The Amazing Red Line then takes the travelers to their next destination. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
– who make the silly decision to take public transport to the city center instead of a taxi. (Toyouke: “Oohhh....subway?”) And while it is tempting to do on a leg with no additional money, in a pinch, the taxi gets your there the fastest, especially if it isn’t rush hour. Just saying.

Teams arrive in the Old Town Square and find the Praga in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
– (Toyouke: “Oh, the Globetrotters copy us all the time! They are following us! But it's totally OK for us to follow Meghan and Cheyne!”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
– Brian: “Maybe a Praga is a man on a horse.” (Toyouke: “Did...did Brian just say he's looking for a horse?”)

Teams are now instructed to take a taxi to Kayaky Troya and find their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Sam/Dan
2- Meghan/Cheyne
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka
– (Toyouke: “OK I distinctly heard Brian say "Wait for us?" to the cab driver. I'm not sure if they subtitled it, like they do when they know it will be important later. But I heard him.”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Fast & Furious OR Slow & Steady
*Fast & Furious: Teams change into wetsuits and do a man made white water rafting run through a course to get their next clue. Teams must complete the course without falling off the raft or they will have to restart the course. Once complete, teams pull the ribbons at the end to get their next clue.
*Slow & Steady: Teams complete an aerial ropes course and pull the ribbons at the end of the course to get their next clue.


(Toyouke: “Both these Detours suck. Well...Slow looks like you might just have to pull yourself and it's not that steep. So, doable, if you don't have the skill or strength to kayak.” Kmanpat: “I’d worry too much about tipping over.” Toyouke: “Wuss.”)

1-Sam/Dan choose Fast & Furious – and they attempt three times. Each time, Dan whines, Sam gets distracted and they flip over. (Toyouke: “This whole conversation between Sam and Dan is really dirty out of context. ‘Why am I in the front right now?’ ‘You're digging in!’ ‘Only the left side!’ Hee.”) So they Bald Snark to Slow & Steady. (Auburnium0513: “Good lord, Sam and Dan have turned into very bitchy gay men...”)
2-Meghan/Cheyne choose Slow & Steady
3-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Slow & Steady
4-Brian/Ericka choose Slow & Steady


Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
– but can’t get off the rigging because Flight Time actually finished first and heard Cheyne babble about him taking a long time. So he then goes and takes his time on purpose. (Toyouke: “See, Cheyne, that's why you should be quiet. You gave him the idea to screw you over.”)
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Sam/Dan
– who finally complete an option, and proceed to bargain with Brian and Ericka cabbie to take them to their next destination. Which he does. (Toyouke: “"Smart", or "Asshat". How can Dan be such a whiny bitch about Big Easy and then steal a cab?”)
4- Brian/Ericka

Teams now find that the ribbons they pulled spell Stavovske Divaldo, which is the Estates Theater and the location of their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
– who take a taxi and leave the Globetrotters after deciding to help them. (Auburnium0513: “Why help them? Keep them in sight, and so you know where your competition is.”)
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka


And teams come to the tenth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who can remain composed under pressure?
In this roadblock, one team member must search the 600 seat theater (Toyouke: “That really is a gorgeous theater.”) for a miniature mandolin (Toyouke: “World's Tiniest Mandolin!”) in a case while avoiding decoy instruments and empty mandolin boxes. (Toyouke: “They hid decoys? Awesome.) Team members then take the instrument to Don Giovanni on stage, who either laughs in your face (Don Giovanni: “Ha ha ha ha HA! No.” Toyouke: “Bwahaha! Mockery! This task is great.”) or gives you your next clue.


The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cheyne – who grabs any instrument that he can find. (Toyouke: “Yeah, not miniature and not mandolins.” Auburnium0513: “I don't think that Cheyne knows what miniature means...”)
2- Big Easy
3- Dan
4- Ericka
– (Toyouke: “EVERYONE knows Ericka can't remain composed under pressure.”)

(Auburnium0513: “Check in the candles? What about the candle-a-bras? Are there candle-a-bras there?”)

Teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka


Teams get their clue and find that they must now take a taxi to Prague Castle, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a trip to Lanai, Hawaii. (Toyouke: “My feelings on Meghan and Cheyne are: blah.”)
2- Sam/Dan – (Toyouke: “What's with the bitchface? If you're going to steal a taxi, then own it. Don't look all pissy when someone just states the facts.”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Brian/Ericka


Phil: “Brian and Ericka, you are the last team to arrive. Did you enjoy the race? Well, good, because you get to do it again tomorrow!” This is the LAST of the three nonelimination legs and they are still in the Race. But they’ll have a Speed Bump. That should be fun.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan

3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy
4th – Brian/Ericka


Next week: Teams play around in Prague at night, which looks like it includes ringing telephones, giant clay men and beer carrying. I’m not quite sure what any of that is, but I’m sure it will be fun. Until next time!
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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Project Runway 11/19/09--"Finale pt. 2" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone has a lot of work to do, Carol Hannah made Tim work in the kitchen, Althea sort of knows what she’s doing, and Irina was told not to use copyrighted materials in her collection. I’m sure she’ll respectfully listen to Tim and make her own pictures. Or, you know…steal copyrighted materials from somewhere else. Oops! Spoiler! (click for more)

Last we left off, everyone was pretending to freak out about their 13th look, even though I’m sure they knew it was coming, and Carol Hannah had a relapse of her sickness. She looks terrible, which is so sad because normally she’s so cute. Irina says she feels bad but there’s nothing she can do about it, which is reasonable but sounds so bitchy coming out of her mouth.
The finalists and the designers come back to the workroom where Carol Hannah is kind of breaking down. She gets a hug from Logan and keeps going. (Kmanpat: “I know a hug from Logan would cheer me up. Logan! Here I am!”) Gordana thinks that Irina is “not 100% cool as she normally is”. Althea wears a big knit hat and tries to expose a seam. Carol Hannah really breaks down this time, and Chris comforts her while she sobs about not knowing what to do and this is not how this was supposed to go. Everyone else kind of watches her with that look, when you feel bad but you don’t want to intervene.


Hair and makeup consults. Irina has hats that look so so much like Jillian’s hats. Those ones with the crest down the middle? Yeah. Other than that, nothing is interesting but I do have this thought: why don’t they take Polaroids of their looks to the hair and makeup consult? Wouldn’t that help them explain their collections?

The models all trickle in for fittings. Althea says fit is essential for her clothes. Irina’s clothes are picky like that too. Carol Hannah is very optimistic; she thinks that for each look there is a girl to go with it.

Tim time! Irina’s 13th look is a black dress with folding and volume. Tim likes it but she also wants to put those hats on her models with chains under their chins so he warns her about costumes. Althea’s 13th look is khaki pants, a white shirt and a black leather jacket with bit shoulder pads. Oo, 80’s. Althea describes her makeup, which apparently is what Irina is doing. To be honest I wasn’t paying attention. Why wouldn’t the makeup people say something? Althea says she’s got a lot to do, and gets a bit emotional, but Tim encourages her. Carol Hannah’s 13th look is a long gown in dark turquoise, which is fitted to past her hips and then flares out. There is a big swath from one shoulder (the other shoulder has no strap) down to the opposite hip. It is very striking. She’s used the color of the gown to pull the same color out of her collection, I think.

Everyone works until midnight. In the morning, Carol Hannah is trying to not think about how she feels. I think everyone still has a ton to do. Irina wants to put her regular model in her 13th look. Just for fun. Everyone runs around and gives orders to the help. Tim has his last “gather ‘round” and does NOT cry or say how proud he is of them. Irina kicks Gordana off the sewing machine to have her go pack. She’s really freaking out. They all are trying to make sure they remember all their stuff tomorrow.

Wakeup time is 3:15am. Heh. They forget to take the safety chain off the door before they try to open it. The tent looks huge. Was it always that big? With two hours to go, a lot of people are already there in the audience. Very frantic flailing ensues. Irina is still sewing. Tim actually freaks out. Oh yeah. He raises his voice and says he is about to lose it because they should be lining up because only about 10% of the models are dressed. He’s using his hands and being stern. Who put him in charge? Oh, he has the concerned face on.

OK, so here is how this worked, apparently. When this show actually happened, no one in the audience actually saw the introductions from the designers. They just showed the collections. They taped the introductions later and spliced in audience reaction shots. That’s why it looks all wonky. Guest judge today is Suzy Menkes, fashion editor of the International Herald Tribune.
Althea is up first. She was inspired by science fiction. Actually, the editing looks OK. So normally I would post pictures of each look and talk about them. But I am so tired of this season. So tired. Plus everyone’s been looking at these clothes for months and months. I am just going to link to the collections which are over at Project Rungay, in high-def big pictures and everything. Incidentally, if you haven’t ever read that blog, which is run by Tom and Lorenzo, you really should. They are hilarious. Here’s Althea’s collection. The 13th look is the third one down. Yeah, those are harem pants. And the one after that looks like something Logan would wear. But there is a lot of tight leather, and I’m not sure I like the black headbands. I don’t like the headbands in any color. I don’t know, nothing is really blowing me away. There isn’t any color except for one green dress.

Carol Hannah is next and they make like there is some huge surge of applause for her specifically. She just says her collection is near to her heart. You can view it here. There’s some volume and pants! And there seems to be some braiding in a lot of the pieces. The gray dress with the tulle skirt is fantastic. The long turquoise dress is the 13th look. And she was right, it does bring out the same color that was in a bunch of the other looks. The next to last dress, the very short one with the ruffles, is very close to flashing everyone. But I really love the last dress with the seaming.

Irina has to go last. She says her collection is about New York and what it takes to survive in the city as a woman. Click here. Those hats bother me. It’s very hard edged, even with the sweaters. And dark. AND. The model with the tan sweater with the hood? You can see her T-shirt, which seems to have the “Reasons I love New York” written on it but I KNOW those are the same birds from the other T-shirts that she was told not to use. In addition to her having lifted the text of those shirts from New York Magazine. I hope they nail her for it. There seems to be a lot of texture and shredding, and also she kept the chains under the one of the hats. Her 13th look (I’m pretty sure) is the 7th one down, right after the fur vest. The gray skirt and leather halter top.

Afterwards it’s entertaining to watch everyone discuss the collections, where the big-name famous people are very generic because they don’t know anyone’s names. So they talk A LOT to the season’s eliminated designers. Ari now has a bowl cut and giant fake eyelashes. That’s about all I got from that.

The judges talk about how all three finalists have differences but worked hard and whatever, just bring them out already. Irina gets to go first. She talks about how tough it is for her to be a woman in New York, and you need shielding, and I’m mostly done with Irina so I don’t have sympathy for how tough it is for her. Kors is bored with the “warrior woman” character too. It looks finished, and Nina praises her for the T-shirts and how she made them herself so I guess they haven’t figured out yet where she got the idea from. Kors is impressed with how much work this is. Heidi wants some of the pieces. Nina asks why it’s all black, and Irina says it was “intuitive” but then Nina reminds her she told all of them not to use too much black. And then she gives Irina a withering look which makes me happy.

Carol Hannah played with volume and draping. Nina loved the first look, and Heidi praises the 13th look. She’s shocked when she finds out it was the last minute one. However Heidi and Kors don’t think it was a cohesive collection. Kors likes the draping though.

Althea was making a statement about the current political climate? So she made sportswear, which Kors praises because you can mix the pieces. Nina liked the one colored dress. Kors for some reason thinks a million people would want to buy the satin harem pants. Suzy didn’t think the knits were futuristic, and the last three looks Nina didn’t get.

Right away Kors says the word “photographical” so I’m distracted now. They love that Carol Hannah played with color, not enough, but certainly more than everyone else. Everything was well constructed and had a point of view. Althea has “a sense of coolness”, says Nina, and Kors thinks she’s “plugged in to the street”. Yeah. Kors didn’t think this looked like a collection either, but the style of clothes she makes don’t always take well to the runway. Irina’s clothes have an edge. Kors says she had the best sense of showmanship and details. They praise the T-shirts again, and if she wins I hope New York Magazine sues her. Suzy likes the way the models were supposed to be shielded but didn’t hide behind the clothes.

Heidi goes over how everyone did things right and also screwed some things up. Carol Hannah is out. Lame. I don’t care who wins. You know, I didn’t care who won back when there were three of them. So of course Irina wins, and there better be a lawsuit coming for that shirt. I’ve already seen some people’s blog comments about how we don’t know if the shirts were already addressed, but considering that article I linked to is on New York Magazine’s own website? If she had permission they’d shut up about it. Stupid all black collection that Heidi says was “sweet”. Spent so much of her time accusing Althea of copying her when she did it twice. Whatever, DONE.

Hooray! It’s over! Next season is already taped, all in New York and Nina and Kors are in every episode! Time to forget about this season, I think.
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Top Chef 11/18/09--"Culinary Olympics" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a room service Quickfire was sad because there were no crepes. Robin’s blintzes don’t count. Eli won, and then everyone was supposed to be inspired by casinos, and that sort of went well, but they let Michael win and he made chicken wings. I’m sure they were good, but…chicken wings. Robin finally went home, after she tried to make clear sugar in colors and then panna cotta. NEVER MAKE PANNA COTTA. A public service announcement from My Monkey Could Do That. (click for more)

Somehow this is the last challenge in Vegas before the finale, but aren’t there still 5 people? So are they going to take 4 people to the finale location and kick on out? Everyone says how they have made it so far, etc. Eli says Richard, he of the fauxhawk, is his mentor. Sigh. That figures. Then he says he wants to win for Richard and compares himself to Inigo Montoya. Bitch please.


Padma greets them with Gaven Kayson, who has won a James Beard Award. Padma says that 4 of them will head for Napa Valley to fight for the title of Top Chef, and am I missing something here? Because I distinctly heard her say 3 or 4 weeks ago that 3 people would be competing in the finale. In addition to winning that award, Gaven has competed in the Bocuse D’Or, which is a cooking competition from way before Food Network came along. That is the real deal. Michael likens it to the Olympics, which I think is about the best way to describe that. It’s a competition in classical French cuisine. For the Quickfire, the chefs will be recreating a dish Gaven made for that competition. That took him 4 months to perfect. I believe he calls it “chicken ballotine”, which is a roulade with crayfish and chicken livers and two layers of chicken. These chefs will be doing something similar, which is to make a 3-layer roulade of something, all layers of protein. There will be no immunity but a big advantage in the Elimination challenge. Jen makes a comment about turducken, which is delicious and also immediately what I thought of.


90 minutes, and go! Bryan has a plan with sausage and lamb. Michael smarms that this challenge isn’t about making a ballotine, but putting 3 proteins inside each other. Whatever. He has bacon, turkey, and chicken. Kevin thinks Michael and Bryan are doing way too much, and it’s too risky. Eli says something about making Scotched eggs and maple syrup. You need 3 layers. I don’t know. Kevin thinks he and Eli have balls, because they’re making homestyle food for Top Chef. Good point. Jen says she’s never made this before but since she’s strong in seafood she thinks she’ll be OK. Michael mentions how Jen has been flailing, which she has, but then he’s like, “there isn’t that much more for her to do” which is just toolish.


Eli: bacon-crusted breakfast sausage with a six-minute egg center. It is a brown lump. Michael: “poultry terrine” chicken with turkey and bacon mousseline. “Terrine” is not “ballotine” or even “roulade”. Layering and wrapping are different. Jen: calamari steak, scallops, salmon, shiitake, shiso, and rice noodles with shiso vinaigrette. They ask her why she did seafood and she says it’s her strong point. Padma says “Welcome back.” Bryan: rack of lamb and merguez sausage wrapped in caul fat. There are also 4 sauces. Kevin: cornmeal fried fillet of catfish with scallop and shrimp. Bryan shows himself to be a bigger man than his brother by saying that Kevin’s food is simple but simple can be great if done correctly.


Gavin tells Kevin that his fish was a little overcooked, which he doesn’t think is totally true. Bryan’s dish was great. Eli’s concept was good, but I notice there is no praise of his actual food. Jen didn’t overcook her calamari, and then Gavin totally calls Michael on making a terrine and not following directions. Michael interviews that he never was told to make a ballotine. Um, I can quote Padma for you, which is when she said “make a protein, inside a protein, inside a protein.” Also he says that he would have made one that was just as good as Gavin made for Bocuse D’Or. Right. Jen wins. It’s giving her a boost but she knows she’s not in the clear yet.

Elimination challenge: Bocuse D’Or! Ha ha! Everyone will make a “presentation platter” with one protein and two garnishes, probably on a giant silver tray. The garnishes must be intricate and show techniques and they can’t be just vegetables. They can pick lamb or salmon, and they will really have a mirror platter. Awesome. They’re going to get their asses kicked. 4 hours to cook tomorrow, and Jen will get 30 extra minutes. Oh and also there will be 12 judges, including some chefs who are on the American advisory board for Bocuse D’Or, plus Thomas Keller. Awesome. Taste, creativity, and execution are the criteria. Schadenfreude is rampant in my house right now.

Everyone goes home and Michael goes right to bed. Of course, because he thinks he is great. The rest of the chefs watch some DVD’s of Bocuse D’Or and the crazy fans and also what the final dishes look like. Crazy. Kevin asks how to sous vide his lamb, and I want him to shush, because don’t do that! Bryan knows that if he is competitive and shuts Kevin down, when everyone knows he has the answer, then he just looks like a prick. So he’s helpful.

The next morning everyone gets to work. Eli says it’s intense in the kitchen. He is going to make sausage wrapped lamb loin, carrot puree, and tomato-piquillo canapĂ©. That carrot puree better have gold in it or something. Tom brings in Thomas Keller to freak them all out and mispronounce Bocuse D’Or. Also to encourage them. Michael says he’s done some culinary competitions. He is making salmon with cauliflower chickpea tart and zucchini tzatziki, which he has chosen because it’s harder to do. Jen is going to serve salmon and caviar, shrimp flan and truffle, celery root and shiitake. She’s stressed a bit. Bryan is pushing the envelope with crusted lamb loin, lamb shank crepinette (like sausage) and orzo au gratin. Kevin is trying to make poached lamb loin, sherry-glazed beet and asparagus in sunchoke cream. Michael is bored by Kevin’s food, but whatever. I wish I had a chef to cook for me on his days off. Hush.

Tom time! Bryan talks to him about braising his lamb shanks and gratin. Mmmm. Kevin is taking a different approach, which Tom points out. Oh, Kevin. You’re killing me. Michael and Jen seem to know where they are heading. As does Eli. Tom then interviews about everyone. Well, not the brothers. Then he tells the chefs that whoever wins the challenge will get $30,000. Damn. Everyone freaks out just that little bit more.

The judges show up while cooking is still going on. Kevin says he won’t do elaborate presentation, but instead worry about his flavors. He goes out with his giant platter, to discover Jerome Bocuse. The son of the person who STARTED THE WHOLE THING. Damn, but Top Chef has some pull. His platter is very simple: just the loin, with a beet tartlet and a little dish with the asparagus. As he plates (they make you plate at table, just for more stress) he says he picked lamb because of sustainability, and Thomas Keller asks if the lamb is from a sustainable farm. Ooh, burn. But it is. The vegetables are delicious, but they think it’s “elementary” for the quality of chef he is. Michael has all his food in bite-size pieces on the platter. It looks very pretty but also like a trio of appetizers. Sadly he described his dish as having “Mediterranean” flavors, but salmon and caviar don’t really fit, and his flavors themselves aren’t really there. Then someone finds a bone, so he’s pretty much screwed. Bryan freaks the hell out, because he’s behind. Jen is helping him out, and she’s worried about him. He can see mistakes in his platter, and in interview when he’s saying this he starts muttering about them. Hee. He also has whole lamb loin on the platter, and then little bites and the orzo gratin has sheep’s milk cheese. I just like the little dishes with food in them. However his lamb is too rare. They can tell he had a great concept but ran out of time. Eli’s platter has taller dishes with the carrot puree (with a FOAM). He is plating and talking at the same time, and saying “um” a lot. And not really making eye contact. It’s undercooked, and there is raw fat which is gross and no one is even eating it. Jen’s dish looks pretty good, the salmon especially. She cooked it from the bottom up, so the bottom is well done and the top is more rare. Some people get an undercooked piece, though. The whole thing is random, somehow. I think that they can’t see where she was going and they don’t think she took the time to think it out. All the chefs come back in so that Thomas Keller can tell them someone will get a spot to compete in Bocuse D’Or in 2011. Holy crap. They’d do that? Back in the kitchen the chefs clean the kitchen, which is nice, and everyone talks about how awesome this experience has been and how much they want to win.

Commercial interlude: in the Stew Room everyone is friends and that was 30 seconds of my life I can never get back. Thanks, Bravo.

Padma collects everyone, and they file in to the Loser Gong. Michael says his Mediterranean theme just came together and he has this tone of “I am just such a genius that things just fall into place.” Tom points out that if he is making “cauliflower couscous”, it’s still cauliflower. Something this big, you can’t play around with stuff like that. Michael kind of doesn’t react to the bone issue, but I don’t really expect him to anyways. Bryan tells the judges his lamb was supposed to be medium-rare to medium, and he didn’t want to cook it any more because of the marbling. They know he ran out of time. Kevin’s dish was too simple, they think, but he knows that if he had done a lot more he couldn’t have gotten the balance he wanted. Tom doesn’t think Jen cooked the fish as slowly as she thinks she did. The hotel pans aren’t thick enough. It wasn’t cut perfectly, so some were perfect while some were underdone. Eli’s sausage was a good idea, but it had a bunch of fat in it, and he didn’t cook it enough. Tom tells everyone he loved to watch them cook and they did a good job.

Back it the Stew Room Kevin knows he didn’t use enough technique and he let himself down. Gail (oh yeah, Gail is back) says that she could imagine how Eli’s dish would have been, sort of, but a very big part of it wasn’t any good. Jen’s dish was inconsistent. That’s about all they say. Kevin’s dish was too simple for competition, but it was cooked correctly. Michael’s dish was very elaborate, but his garnishes were weak. And they still are annoyed by the salmon bone. Bryan also had a lot of technique, but he couldn’t execute it properly. If he had, he would win hands-down. Bryan is irritated too, but Kevin points out that you could tell where he was going with his dish.

The winner tonight is Kevin. Really? Kick ass. I didn’t think they were going to do that. They give him a jacket and some books, in addition to his money and the spot on the team. He says he’s going to keep trusting his instincts. Good, I like Kevin. Tom tells the remaining four what they did right and what they did wrong. Eli goes home, which I think is the right choice. Although I am tired of Michael. Eli is pleased with having gotten this far, and the four left are fantastic chefs in his opinion, so he’s OK with it. Then he claims not to be reactionary, except he was with regard to Robin. I think he really is upset though. I’d like to point out Inigo won.

Next time: Padma has bangs, there is the Wine Train! I love the Wine Train. Then they say they can only bring 3 to the finale, so I guess they bring someone to Napa Valley only to kick them out last minute. That sucks.
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Monday, November 16, 2009

TAR15, Recap Leg 9, 11/15/09

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Swedish Roulette II: Biggger, Longer, Haybaleier, teams flew from Amsterdam to Stockholm, Sweden, where Pinky and the Brain get lost and fall into last. (Gary: “Are you pondering what I’m pondering, son?” Matt: “I think so, dad, but me and Pippi Longstocking? What would the children look like?”) There’s lots of dynamite and unrolling of haybales, and Dan starts cussing out his brother. But it’s Gary and Matt who end up last, and find the second non-elimination pit stop. And who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
2nd – Meghan/Cheyne, Malibu Ken & Barbie
3rd – Brian/Ericka, Team Yin-Yang
4th – Sam/Dan, The Hot Boys
5th – Gary/Matt, Pinky and the Brain

Bögs Gård Farm, Upplands Vasby, Sweden


2:23 AM Flight Time/Big Easy (1st)
Clue: Cross the Baltic Sea by ferry over 236 miles to Tallinn, Estonia! Once there, use the provided keys to open the door to the Mustpeade, the secret lair of the Brotherhood of the Blackheads, a medieval technicians guild, in order to get your next clue.


(Auburnium0513: “It's about clogged pores?”)

4:12 AM Meghan/Cheyne (2nd) – Meghan: “We struggled with decisions last round.”
4:37 AM Brian/Ericka (3rd) – Brian: “The only leg that matters is the final one as long as we aren’t last.” True that. (Auburnium0513: “Lassoing taxis...I love it!”)
5:04 AM Sam/Dan (4th) –Sam: “We shouldn’t bicker, we need to beat the Globetrotters.” Uh-oh, I hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going.
6:29 AM Gary/Matt (5th)

Teams drive themselves to Frihemnsterminalen to catch their ferry to Estonia, but find that the only one leaves at 4:45 the next afternoon. And even though this seems like extreme bunching, I researched the ferry and Tallink Silja only runs one ferry a day at 4:45 PM from Sweden to Estonia, probably because it takes 17 hours to cross the sea. (Toyouke: “But notice how spread out the teams are. It's TOTALLY NOT A COINCIDENCE there is massive bunching. Not that I'm really complaining as I like Gary and Matt.”) So everyone makes the ferry and has a great 17 hour trip, and arrive in Estonia and get taxis in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
4- Gary/Matt
5- Flight Time/Big Easy


Teams then make their way to the Mustpeade. They arrive in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne – who open the door for. . .
2- Sam/Dan
3- Brian/Ericka
– who open the door for. . .
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt

However, once they arrive, Gary and Matt find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the second of three speed bumps on this race, teams must find the SaunaBuss, a sauna on wheels, strip down to a towel and sit in the sauna for five minutes. Once they are done, they may return and get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Gary/Matt

So, Pinky and the Brain sit in a sauna. What kind of task is THAT? (Toyouke: “Um...yeah. This Speed Bump, as all Speed Bumps, is lame and not difficult.”) And they get their next clue.

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, teams come to the ninth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who wants to solve a medieval mystery?

In this roadblock, one team member must descend into the cellar and find a candelabra with a room number on it. The Roadblocker then finds the room to get a scroll from a waiting member of the Brotherhood. Team members must then hold the paper over the candle to display the next clue, written in invisible ink.

(Toyouke: “Oo, using your brain. I think we might fight over this one.” Kmanpat: “Yes, yes we would. I’d probably give it to you though.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cheyne (78)
2- Sam (112)
3- Ericka (82)
4- Flight Time (78)
– who decides it’s a rubbing and colors the whole sheet. (Toyouke: “I thought about laughing at Flight Time but I might have done that too.”)
5- Matt (88) – who can’t seem to find a candle-a-bra. (Billy Mays: “The Candle-a-bra! For all of your drooping candles! Catches wax like a pro! Hurry and order now and we’ll send you a second for free. But wait, order now, and you’ll get this lovely stand with a room number on it!” Toyouke: “Hee, Gary and Matt. Mostly Matt.”)

After much searching and ink revealing (Toyouke: “I'm noticing that no one is actually holding the paper over the candle long enough to read the clue properly.”) (it says Pikk Hermann Tower Garden), teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Sam/Dan
– and Sam keeps pronouncing it Tover.
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt
– who only get Pikk Hermann Tower.

Teams race on foot to Pikk Hermann Tower Garden to get their next clue in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Brian/Ericka
3- Sam/Dan
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Gary/Matt
– who totally miss the clue. Gary: "I don't see anything..." (Auburnium0513: “Oh Amazing Camera Men...how we love thee!”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Serve OR Sling

In both tasks, teams must take a taxi to Tarsi Talu outside of the village of Keava. Once there, teams follow a marked path to the task.
*Serve: Teams strip to their underwear and play volleyball in the bog against a pair of hot locals. (Toyouke: "There's your eye candy for the week.") Teams must score 5 points against the local team to get their next clue from the scorekeeper. There are only two courts, so if another team arrives, they must wait for a free court in order to play.

*Sling: Teams put on bog shoes and use a sling shot to shoot vegetables at a target with a moose on it. (I could not make this up.) When teams get a good shot on the moose, the table with cabbages on it will collapse and release the next clue.

1-Meghan/Cheyne choose Serve
2-Sam/Dan choose Serve
– Sam: “Look! Hot Estonian guys!” (Toyouke: “Lord, why are Sam and Dan's crotches blurred?” Kmanpat: “Well, it doesn’t look like anything is hanging out, so I’m guessing that they got hard in their underwear in the mud staring at the hot Estonian guys.” Toyouke: “Ugh. I guess I asked for that.”)
3-Flight Time/Big Easy choose Serve – Big Easy: "We can spike on volleyball!"
4-Brian/Ericka choose Sling – Ericka: “I don’t want to wear just underwear, I wore a thong today!” (Auburnium0513: “Erika, we already know that you wear stringy thongs...remember the duck herding?”) And they chose this only because they arrived at the same time as Hot Boys and Globetrotters, and it therefore made sense to do the other task. (Toyouke: “At least Brian and Ericka aren't going to stupidly wait for volleyball.”)
5-Gary/Matt choose Sling

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Meghan/Cheyne
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
– and then proceed to run the wrong way.
3- Sam/Dan
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt


Teams get their clue and find that they must now travel by foot through the bog to the mat at the top of Keava Rava Overlook Tower, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Meghan/Cheyne –who win a red cedar sauna. (Toyouke: “Hee, I don't think Meghan and Cheyne know what a red cedar sauna is.”)
2- Sam/Dan – who arrive after a little bit of an incident. They were running to the pit stop, the Globetrotters were running the wrong way, caught up, Big Easy tripped and fell into Dan.
3- Flight Time/Big Easy – who then argue that the boys are out to get them. (Toyouke: “What's messed up? That you can't stay on the path? Please, he didn't do anything to you. Shut up, you are my favorites.”)
4- Brian/Ericka
5- Gary/Matt


And Gary and Matt are. . . eliminated. Darn. Gary got what he wanted out of the race, and is very proud of his son. Matt doesn’t ever want to see another candelabra ever.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Meghan/Cheyne
2nd – Sam/Dan
3rd – Flight Time/Big Easy
4th – Brian/Ericka

Next week: Teams travel to Prague, where Flight Time serenades the teams and gets glares from everyone. Sam and Dan, however, decide to take Brian and Ericka’s taxi, apparently, which, while underhanded (and I’ll mention this next time) COMPLETELY LEGAL. Just saying. Until next time!
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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Project Runway 11/12/09--"Finale pt. 1" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make an outfit based on some art, or possibly the museum. Irina continued to be mean to everyone, and her dress was ugly, but the judges think she can do no wrong, so she moved on into the finals. Carol Hannah designed from a bed, but it wasn’t very close to the bed, but it was a non-offensive dress, so she moved on too. Chris made a long skirt that showed everyone why he never makes long skirts, so he was out. Big surprise. The real big surprise was Gordana, who made a gorgeous dress, that the judges said was gorgeous, and the only dress really inspired by her work of art. Really, they said that. But then they were like “oh, but I don’t know her as a designer” so they kicked her out. What is really sad is how she has said in interview that by this point she had already figured out the judges hated her so much they’d never let her in the finals so she said “screw them then” and made a dress for herself. And it happened. They loved her dress but didn’t want her in the finals so they had to come up with something. Just like how they had to let Althea get away with a super puckery skirt and a horrid, horrid “tank top” that I wouldn’t buy on clearance. But “she has vision” or whatever. Stupid. (click for more)

Heidi reminds everyone they’re going to Fashion Week and Tim also is proud of them. They will have 12 weeks and $9000. Then they go behind the scrim and Tim drops it like it’s hot. Or at least lukewarm. Hilarious.


Everyone packs and Althea reminds us that she and Irina don’t get along because of how Irina accused her of cheating on the runway. She says she might forgive but she won’t forget. Irina claims that she knows Althea and Carol Hannah are intimidated by her.

Tim goes to Huntington, New York, 10 weeks later. So with 2 weeks to go? Doesn’t he usually go earlier to some places? This is where Carol Hannah lives now. Then the chyron says “5 weeks to Fashion Week” which makes no sense at all. She got a tour of Duke University, and some of the buildings, so she’s been inspired by those. There’s a gown with tulle, wide at the hip and narrowing to the knee. She has a sparkly belt with it but Tim recoils in horror. He does the same with a shrug for a long gown. Also she claims to have made pants. Hee. Shorts too! She then tells Tim that her family has come into town and made him a good Southern meal. Hee! Tim claims to love the kitchen and they go downstairs and Tim puts a floral apron over his suit and makes biscuits. Which they cut out with a wine glass. We see childhood pictures of Carol Hannah which are nerdy. She loves that fashion changes how people see you. She is slightly intimidated because she doesn’t have training but she knows what she is doing. Notice there are no shots of Tim pretending to drive.

Irina is in Manhattan. It’s pretty soon after his last visit. Her apartment is tiny. Irina’s collection is inspired by Coney Island. For some reason she has a T-shirt with a picture of Coney Island on it. Her knits are great. Also she has a fur, but it’s unfinished. Tim tells her to make sure her clothes don’t look forced. He leaves, so I guess we don’t get to meet her family or anything. Oh, he is meeting people for lunch. For a minute I thought she was getting a Kenley edit. Irina says her parents and family didn’t get to always do what they dreamed. Her mom looks just like her except with lighter hair. Irina says she needs the approval from her father, and that she needs to win to prove to him she can be successful at this.

Althea lives in Dayton, Ohio. She seems to have a studio space, rather than working out of her home. Tim is disturbed by the freight elevator in her place and lets go an “Egads!” Althea is so glad to see him because she feels like she’s been stuck. She’s inspired by sci-fi movies. She shows Tim a long coat with a long skirt and Tim declares it costumey. Yeah…it kind of is a long black costume. Tim wants her to recalibrate her thinking and edit. She brings Tim to her house (I think it’s her house) which is very cute and painted pink. Her boyfriend is also very cute. She’s very excited about showing.

Back in Manhattan, 10 days before the show, Tim calls Irina to tell her that the Coney Island pictures on her T-shirts are copyrighted and she can’t use them. He wants her to use the idea but with her own images. I think she’s trying to only use the birds but not the Ferris wheel, but probably the birds are copyrighted too. Althea arrives in New York with 5 days to go. Everyone goes to their hotel room that the show got for them, even Irina, who lives there. She and Althea seem friendly enough, if slightly stiff. Not hostile or anything, but think if you ran into someone you sort of knew from school but never talked to. You’d kind of say hi, how are you, what are you up to, and then everyone would just stand there and it would be awkward. They both mention that they’ve been there for hours and Carol Hannah is still not there. After commercials we find out from Tim that this is because she has a stomach virus and it’s contagious. Poor thing. Althea knows that it must be bad if she is not there. They drink the champagne Heidi sent them and talk about how terrible it is that Carol Hannah isn’t there.

The next day they actually arrive at the workroom which might actually be at Parson’s. No one is very talkative but then Carol Hannah shows up looking puny. She spent that last day throwing up and now she feels horrible but has to perform. I feel bad for her.

Tim time! He doesn’t like a sequined jacket Althea has, and he asks her to think about her looks, and whether or not the same customer would buy her outfits. She’s spent a lot of time knitting. Cut to Irina looking pissed. Oh, and then he calls one of her pieces “borderline Hilary Clinton.” Hee. Irina makes some comment, about how Althea copied her, maybe, but that would be hard what with them being in different states and all. Irina says “What would you do without me? You have a good memory.” That was pretty bitchy. Carol Hannah asks for Tim’s advice because she has pieces that she doesn’t like. He suggests she ditch a jacket and has the same comment about making sure all her pieces will appeal to the same customer. Althea is not intimidated. Irina is like, oh, you have no idea how much I have freaked out and I am just tired! It sounds fake. She’s made T-shirts with the same technique, but with words about how she loves New York. That piece is gray but then everything else is black. She claims that she mixed materials. Irina has leather pants and Tim finds them to be like chaps. They walk over to her finale dress, which is “precious” on top and “modern” on bottom. Althea tells us that the dress is full of pins and there will be about 20 yards of hemming. Oo, that is a lot of work. Tim leaves with a warning to make the most of their time.

Now it is model selection time. Althea wants confident edgy girls. No one else talks about it and I don’t recognize any of the models, which doesn’t mean there aren’t models to recognize.
Back in the workroom Kors and Nina show up. Woo! They all sit down for a chat. Kors demands they show the judges who they are as a designer, and Nina says that if they see something they’ve seen before, they should take it out. Kors suggests the first look is a wow look, but then some “regular” looks, and then alternate. They should go with their gut. Carol Hannah is still worried because she’s sick and not on her game.

In the morning Tim sends in their models, and reminds them that whatever look their regular models are wearing will be their “showstopper”, so to speak, and that will be the look that ends up on the runway during judging. And then Heidi shows up. Why is everyone coming into the workroom to interrupt them? Of course, it is to give them a last-minute challenge. Oh, you knew it was coming. How could you not see it coming? Do they not watch the show? Or do the producers tell them to pretend to be surprised? No one is pleased. Then Tim tells them that their “muse” model (the one they’ve been working with) will be casting the model for their 13th look. Plus they have help! Cue the eliminated designers! Logan, Chris, and Gordana. Poor Gordana. Althea takes Logan, Irina takes Gordana, which leaves Carol Hannah with Chris. 30 minutes to sketch, and $250 at Mood. Althea wants a jacket with strong shoulders, but Logan has his own opinion. Gordana tells Irina she’s very good at finishing, and also that she would wear any of those pieces. Chris doesn’t want to make decisions, but he will throw around ideas. Tim informs them they’ll be walking to the “Original” Mood. For real.

Everyone has a lot of work to do. But I want Gordana’s boots. Irina knows she scored with her help. Carol Hannah knows tomorrow has all the fittings so she wants to get far enough along that there will just be finishing to do. Althea is kind of worried too.

Once they get back to the hotel Carol Hannah feels like crap and is sitting on the floor in the bathroom with a bucket and ice on the back of her neck. That is not good.

Next time: Althea describes makeup that is apparently similar to Irina’s, which upsets Althea, Irina runs around, Carol Hannah breaks down, Tim freaks out, Heidi wears that bright pink pantsuit we all saw her in.
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