Saturday, December 30, 2017

Top Chef 12/28/17--"Little Tools, Big Challenge" summary

Previously on "Top Chef": the Sudden Death Quickfire involved Denver omelettes, to get that out of the way. The bottom three chefs had to make classic French omelettes, and not Denver omelettes in the French style which is what I thought at first. Laura ended up making a raw, runny omelette that looked gross, even to me, and I like my scrambled eggs almost underdone. So she was sent home. The Elimination challenge was to work a food truck and serve college students, which is a great challenge, to be fair. None of the teams had any drama or fighting. Hipster Joe won for making chicken wings with kale, which is somehow fitting. Rogelio lost for making warm corn salad. (click for more)

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Friday, December 22, 2017

Top Chef 12/21/17--"Keep On Truckin'" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the mise en place relay race happened, which was fine although I always hope for complicated prep work. Like cleaning artichokes or shucking oysters. The winning team had to cook with the prep ingredients (filet, shallots, mushrooms) and Joseph won immunity. Then the two teams were asked to make a four course progressive menu, each course using sheep's milk cheese from a local farm. Tu and Hipster Joe made some terrible lamb, but were on the winning team and were safe. Carrie won with dumplings. Claudette was sent home for making smoked trout, but the trout wasn't smoked at all, plus fish and cheese is weird. She blamed her partner Adrienne for the dish. (click for more)
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Friday, December 15, 2017

Top Chef 12/14/17--"Smile and Say Mise" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: We welcomed a new batch of contestants to Denver. The first Quickfire was to make a dish for a potluck. Actually not a bad idea. Also we didn't sit around and listen to everyone talk about their James Beard awards. The winner of the Quickfire, and immunity (as chosen by contestants) was Tu. Tu promptly helped out his competitors during the Elimination challenge so much that he screwed himself. The Elimination challenge was to make a play on “meat and potatoes” for a street fair. A double row of tents down each side of a random street you closed downtown is not a “block party”, Bravo. Tyler won because he had the best potatoes. Melissa lost because her dish was too boring and the meat was dry. (click for more)
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Friday, December 8, 2017

Top Chef 12/7/17--"It'll Take More Than Pot Luck" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: I really think if you don't have enough people for All-Stars then you just need to suck it up and not do All-Stars. Also see the last post for a recap of Last Chance Kitchen. (click for more)
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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Top Chef 12/3/17--"Last Chance Kitchen" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: they did that dumb season with half new people and half veterans because they couldn't get enough people to come back for an All-Stars season. Also because they decided Brooke should have won that time so it was obvious from very, very early that she was going to win. And then she did. Woo. Anyway, this season starts on Thursday, but a week before the season begins Bravo released the first episode of Last Chance Kitchen, because course there is a twist. (click for more)
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Thursday, November 30, 2017

Project Runway 11/30/17--"Reunion" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Kentaro won the season in a stunning upset. Well, I was stunned, anyway. And now we need a 90 minute reunion because of reasons. I'm sure we're all DYING for some sound bites from the twins. (click for more)
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Thursday, November 16, 2017

Project Runway 11/16/17--"Finale part 2" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: we had a two hour episode which I'm sure is partially because they refused to get rid of anyone so there were five home visits. Brandon and Ayana easily passed through to Fashion Week, as expected. Kenya took some advice from Tim, which directly backfired when the judges hated it. Or they had already decided she wasn't moving on and they just picked something to hate on, knowing it would be maximum drama. So Kenya was eliminated. Hopefully (and I'm sure this happened) she has a ton more business from plus-size clients who saw her on TV and loved her style. (click for more)

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Friday, November 10, 2017

Project Runway 11/9/17--"Finale part 1" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: they told everyone to make a winter look, and Brandon made his same clothes again because UGH, and then they didn't eliminate anyone because of reasons. But basically it meant another wasted 90 minutes. (click for more)
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Sunday, November 5, 2017

Bromans 11/2/17--Season 1 Episode 8 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: The show is almost over! Everyone got spa time, and then an evening at the club. Callum got very drunk and turned into a jerk, and then felt very bad. The final challenge was the same as the first challenge, the chariot pull. In the end, Callum and Brandon were up for banishment and Callum was sent home. It was sad because I liked Callum a lot. But now it's time for the Emperor's Games and the last episode! (click for more)
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Thursday, November 2, 2017

Project Runway 11/2/17--"There's Snow Business Like Sew Business" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: my computer ate my recap, but nothing really happened. Everyone had to make “warrior” fashion inspired by breast cancer survivors and there was a minimum of drama about it. Kenya made a fantastic blue dress covered in pleats and petals but she lost to Brandon, who made the same androgynous, loose clothes with straps he always makes. Margarita made a fairly boring gown and was sent home and then Saved by Tim. (click for more)
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Sunday, October 29, 2017

Bromans 10/26/17--Season 1 Episode 7 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: Jordan and Glenn had a fight and then resolved it like adults somehow. Tom decided Dino and Cherelle were full of themselves and they didn't hesitate to rub it in. Meanwhile everyone had to wash clothes with urine. It's as dumb as it sounds. Jordan and Glenn were both up for elimination, and Glenn ended up going home. Sadly, because I liked Glenn and Summer. (click for more)
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Thursday, October 26, 2017

Project Runway 10/26/17--"Warrior Fashion" summary

OK so my computer is terrible and it ate my entire recap. The whole file is corrupted and can't be opened, and it of course happened after I deleted the show off my DVR. I'm not waiting for the rerun and wasting another two hours watching it and then reconstruct the whole thing so after the cut I'm just going to put what happened. (click for more)

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Saturday, October 21, 2017

Bromans 10/19/17--Season 1 Episode 6 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: new contestants Chet and Helen wasted no time in irritating everyone, especially since Helen and Nicola already hate each other. They sniped at each other constantly, Nicola giving just as good as she got, while Chet managed to piss off both Dino and Callum. The girls had to put on performances, and Summer and Ellie won a wine and cheese party for themselves and their boyfriends. Meanwhile Helen jumped Nicola and was removed, and then Chet mouthed off at Callum, who rushed him but nothing happened. They were kicked out, and then Dominus said that someone else would go home and Liam and Ellie were also banished, which was too bad. The boys had to haul bags in the Cesspit, and Liam did really well, but it was too little too late. (click for more)
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Thursday, October 19, 2017

Project Runway 10/19/17--"Driving Miss Unconventional" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: so the whole drama about Claire is that she was working in the apartments, with tools from the workroom, after hours. That's what they busted her for. Not for copying, even though that's all we saw Margarita and Michael talk to the judges about. They might have talked about the measuring, but it doesn't mean they didn't spend forever complaining about the copying. But she was kicked out, and then Margarita and Michael pretended to feel bad about it. The actual challenge involved avant garde and Shopkins. I know. However, Michael won with a “melted disco ball” look that was actually pretty cool. Ayana made a big lampshade that was also cool. Batani played with volume, but it didn't look deliberate, and Amy was too boring, so they were both sent home. (click for more)
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Saturday, October 14, 2017

Bromans 10/12/17--Season 1 Episode 5 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: Liam and Jordan's “punishment” was to be locked up for the day. Liam got let out earlier, because Jade and Ellie had to do the first challenge instead of their boyfriends, and Ellie killed it. Eventually Jordan did get out though, but not before Dominus showed up to read him some bad poetry. The girls also had to cook, which was pathetic but I guess there was some humor in it anyway. The final challenge was wrestling, in the black speedos, oiled up. But oiled up by your opponents girlfriend. I love this show. Dino, Brandon, Tom, and Jordan all won their battles. Even though Doctore tried to argue in favor of Glenn, he and Tian were up for elimination. The vote was split right down the middle, so the Emperor gets to have the last say, and Tian was banished. (click for more)
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Friday, October 13, 2017

Project Runway 10/12/17--"A Little Avant Garde" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: we dragged out the nonsense about the twins for another 15 minutes so they could have their “one hour challenge”. Really that meant Shawn cried and flailed and then quit and made it about how she was making a noble sacrifice, instead of how she hadn't actually done anything and would have gone home for that. The challenge proper was about making clothes for friends and family of the crew. It was fine, except that Margarita complained constantly about Claire copying her, and then about Claire cheating. Of course this means Claire won, and then before they could announce who was eliminated Michael walked off the stage and said he wouldn't stand for unfairness. More on this after the cut. (click for more)
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Saturday, October 7, 2017

Bromans 10/5/17--Season 1 Episode 4 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: so I guess whenever someone is eliminated they'll bring on a new pair so there are always eight lads. Our new pair is Callum and Rachel. The lads have to do some cross-training or something, with Doctore yelling at them. He declares Brandon and Glenn the “winners”, because they pushed themselves the hardest or whatever. They and their girlfriends won massages, and that's about it. Well, I guess the other guys saw them as a “threat” or whatever. The girls made plaster molds of their body parts and I learned apparently ITV or whatever network this is has no problem with showing a penis but they won't show a naked breast. The actual challenge was to use a slingshot, and most of the lads failed miserably. Liam and Jordan were put up for banishment, and only Dino and Cherelle voted for Liam, but then Dominus says no one is being sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, October 5, 2017

Project Runway 10/5/17--"Client on the Go" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: use a menswear look to get fabrics, then pick teams, then make a fall look that goes with your partner's look. Why are these things so complicated for no reason? Anyway, of course the twins paired up and provided most of the drama and arguing (with an assist from Kenya and Amy). Shawn continued to complain about having plus-sized models, even though I learned Liris is not the size 22 model advertised in the promos. I thought she was simply because they seem to be presenting her as the most difficult to dress. Margarita made a mostly simple dress with some cool seaming, which was producible so she won. It's a fine dress, although it only goes up to a size 16 or so. Of course the twins were in the bottom, and then Heidi was like “oh we can't decide” so now we have to start this episode with a one hour challenge. Whatever. At least they didn't say they couldn't decide and therefore weren't eliminating anyone. (click for more)
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Saturday, September 30, 2017

Bromans 9/28/17--Season 1 Episode 3 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: a new pair was introduced to the competition. Liam looked very intimidating, but couldn't follow it up. His girlfriend Ellie didn't approve, but no one really judged her for being mad at Liam. Meanwhile, Kai failed to understand one of the two rules of the wrestling challenge, and Modina laid into him about it and was soundly denounced. There was no explanation for why everyone said Modina was wrong, but when Ellie did the same thing no one cared. We also had an “American Gladiator” style challenge which looked painful and seemed to involve not falling down as much as it involved winning fights. Tom won, although it's not clear if he actually won any kind of prize. Kai and Tian were up for elimination, and although Kai argued that he was useless and should be kept, Doctore told Natalie to speak for Tian and then everyone voted for Tian except for Glenn. I know I was treating this show as just dumb fluff, but you all know how I feel about elimination shenanigans. There are aliens at the edge of the galaxy who know how I feel about elimination shenanigans. So Kai and Modina were banished. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 28, 2017

Project Runway 9/28/17--"The Ultimate Faceoff" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: we had the “your models are your clients” challenge. The models got to choose their designers, which was not super interesting except for 1. Samantha was chosen first, and 2. Claire was last. Claire and Shawn continued to make each other's clothes, to the point where Claire promised her model long pants if she had time, and then made Shawn's clothes and not long pants. But even though Tim told the judges this, no one said a word to Claire that we saw. Instead, all of a sudden the judges hate everything Samantha's ever done, and she's one note. Let's not mention the part where they've spent two episodes telling her that what she herself is wearing is better than what her model is wearing. Or how she basically made herself an outfit this week and they hated it. Apparently it was her time to go so she went home. Kentaro won, for making what was basically faux denim thigh highs. They were cool and all, but the bullshit with Samantha overshadowed it somewhat. (click for more)
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Saturday, September 23, 2017

Bromans 9/21/17--Season 1 Episode 2 summary

Previously on “Bromans”: a bunch of Jersey Shore-types showed up to a crappy set to pretend to be gladiators. First they had to stand outside naked while their girlfriends dug for clothing. Then they had to haul rocks in a chariot. In between these activities was a lot of nonsense and general tomfoolery. The two main actors broke the 4th wall repeatedly, almost as if they knew they were in a terrible show. The two slowest lads, Richard and Glenn, were up for elimination. As the contestants voted for who would go home, they decided Glenn was easy to beat so they kept him. Richard and Sophii lost. This show might be terrible, but I find it endlessly entertaining, which probably means I should think about my life. (click for more)
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Friday, September 22, 2017

Project Runway 9/21/17--"Models Off Duty" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: there was a cross promotion with Disney to make either “good” or “evil” eveningwear. The twins were supposed to be separated, but of course that didn't last. But they actually got two days! Brandon won because he made some weird thing that was “fresh” and “new” and whatever, which is dumb but at least it's different, I guess. But no more shirtdresses. Heidi pretended multiple people might be sent home, but in the end only Aaron, for completely running out of time and not hemming anything and also for the straps falling off his garment on the runway. (click for more)
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Saturday, September 16, 2017

Bromans 9/14/17--Season 1 Episode 1 summary

I don't know how much I've talked about it, but I LOVE terrible movies. I made my friends see “Snakes on a Plane” with me in the theater and had a blast, while they told me I “owed” them. Pff. I knew that thing would be terrible, and it was, so I was not disappointed. Same thing with “2012” or “Armageddon” or “Sharknado” or “Clash of the Titans”, the original with the shitty claymation, not the new one. So it makes sense I also enjoy terrible reality shows, like “Kept” and “America's Most Smartest Model” and that model show that followed Janice Dickinson around. So Kmanpat sent me a link to an article about “Bromans”, which was a bunch of British meatheads forced to be gladiators. I immediately knew I had to get my hands on it. Later we found out that the meatheads had to bring their girlfriends along, so my interest dropped by like 50%. Still! This show looks like “Towie” crossed with “The Quest”, but since “Towie” is a British show and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who watched “The Quest”, that analogy probably doesn't make any sense. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 14, 2017

Project Runway 9/14/17--"Descending Into Good and Evil" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the “make clothes for one of Heidi's clothing lines” challenge was combined with the “make your own print” challenge, with the extra challenge of “your print will be made by hand”. Michael made a slip/nightie inspired by the Chrysler building, which I thought at first would be lame but ended up being beautiful. The twins made each other's outfits, basically, and irritated everyone. Deyonte just dyed his fabric sort of a mottled blue and then made a big tank top and drawstring skirt for his model, who was one of the plus-size models, so he was sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, September 7, 2017

Project Runway 9/7/17--"We're Sleeping Wear?" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: the designers were asked to be “inspired” by “dance, movement, and innovation.” If that sounds vague and confusing, don't worry. Several designers didn't get it either. Deyonte jammed a needle through his finger, so that sucked. The twins also continued to be annoying. Batani made a dramatic cape, but was beaten by Brandon and his Fashion shirt dress with loops and tabs and whatnot. Deyonte made an ice skating outfit with a mullet hem, but in the end was safe. Kudzanai had so many ideas they all clashed, ribbons and feathers and panels and a tight skirt. So he was sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Project Runway 8/31/17--"A Leap of Innovation!" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone had to make clothes out of recycling trash, and also work in teams. But the teams didn't really have a ton of drama until judging, where everyone resented Shawn for sucking and taking up all their time. She also complained about her “curvy” model, who wasn't even plus sized and she got nailed for it. Sentell also got in trouble for basically wrapping his model in trash bags. In the end of course Shawn was kept around, because people don't like her, and Sentell is basically a nice person but is also boring so he went home. The winner was Ayana, for an overworked dress with very long fringe. I mean I guess. I like her, but that dress was not great. We also learned models are “randomly” assigned to people each week, meaning the producers control who goes home (I fear the smaller models) and who gets which model (so they can screw with people). (click for more)
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Friday, August 25, 2017

Project Runway 8/24/17--"An Unconventional Recycling" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: a new batch of people trying to be on TV had to make “red carpet” outfits. Also the models this season range in sizes up to a 22, which means everyone says a bunch of nonsense about “real women” and “curves” and whatever and pretends not to mind. Some of them don't mind, I'm sure, but some of them do and also skinny women are also “real” so this whole thing is annoying. The twins are very extra when they talk to Tim and also most of the rest of the time, but other than that, no one is having fights yet. Deyonte won with a floral print dress for Cannes, which was the perfect place for it. Even though Batani's dress was literally falling apart, she stayed over Chacha, who made some weird A-line dress with pink satin rosettes. (click for more)
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Friday, August 18, 2017

Project Runway 8/17/17--"One Size Does Not Fit All" summary

The important things to know: the models range in sizes up to a 22, which is an actual plus size and not a “plus size model” which is a person who is not an actual plus size person. We don't know how model selection is going to work, which means that it's always possible everyone will always pick the smaller girls and this “experiment” will fail quickly. Also if you win, you get a capsule collection at JC Penny, and I'm not pretending I never shop there but it is not a place I associate with Fashion. So, I guess let's do this. (click for more)
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Thursday, August 10, 2017

Project Runway...back...yay.

Hey everyone! Project Runway starts again next week. This week is the "Road to the Runway" thing, so it's nice they put it a week beforehand. Of course, that's so they can have some kind of bullshit "enhanced" episode next week with social media and commentary. I guess I might care if it was ever commentary that was funny. I am picky about my Twitter commentary. Anyway, the one thing I am excited about is there is a Muslim designer, and I very much want her to clash with Heidi about how Heidi thinks everything has to be sexy. Designing "Fashion" that is also modest is a great unexplored concept that this show never does.

Also if you haven't heard, the models this season range from size 0 to size 22. I like forcing the designers to design for "normal" women but I also am afraid that after a couple weeks the larger models will be eliminated "because I just don't get along with her" or some other dumbass reason, and then it's just like every other season so who cares?

To sum up, people are odd, have backstories, Tim Gunn pretends they're the best designers ever, etc. You guys know the drill. I'll see you next week. Clicky clicky

Saturday, June 3, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 12, 6/1/17

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Korea Is All About Frat Boy Games, four teams raced through South Korea, stacking cups and playing video games.  Matt and Redmond made the decision to take the subway instead of a taxi, which put them behind for most of the leg.  And then there were three.  Brooke and Scott, who appeared to be a perfect match out of the gate, fought and bickered their way across the world.  Scott overcame his fear of heights three times.  Brooke overcame. . . well, everything.  Tara and Joey, the oldest team this season, had their fair share of ups and downs, including some first place finishes, but ultimately had a common goal about succeeding for their families.  And London and Logan, who have yet to win a leg, are just positive all the time, even though they Bald Snark consistently. Three teams remain.  Who will win The Amazing Race 29? (click for more)
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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 11, 5/25/17

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on What’s Vietnam Without Gnomes and Flo?, five teams continued racing through Vietnam, this time on bikes in the scorching heat.  There were Flo Bikes, which Floyd couldn’t manage, got heat exhaustion, and basically took team fun out of the Race.  And then there were four.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Sunday, May 21, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 10, 5/18/17

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Searching For a Fan In a Crowd Is Like Finding a Clue In a Haybale, five teams complete a Switchback Roadblock in Greece before flying to Hanoi, Vietnam.  There was much animosity over who got ladders and who didn’t, but it was Joey’s inability to read the clue that cause him and Tara to finish in last on the third non-elimination leg.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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TAR 29, Recap Leg 9, 5/18/17

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Barging In On Someone’s Wedding and Bringing Them Livestock Sounds Like Fun!, six teams travel from Italy to Greece.  The last Double U-Turn rears its ugly head, and pits Team Fun against the Hipsters.  But since Liz and Michael had a Speed Bump from the previous leg, it put them even further behind, leading to their elimination.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Sunday, May 14, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 8, 5/11/17

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Let’s Have the Teams Do the Most Stereotypical Italian Things We Can Think Of, six teams continued racing through Italy in Venice.  The Boys finally win a leg, while Liz struggles at the Roadblock, causing them to finish last.  But it’s a non-elimination leg!  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Monday, May 8, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 7, 5/4/17

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Oh My God I’m Brooke and I’m Going to Complain About Everything, seven teams continued racing from Norway to Italy.  There was another Double U-Turn, so the teams devised a plan to get rid of the now hated Vanck and Ashton.  While Becca and Floyd rock climbed their way into first place, Vanck and Ashton had to do both Detours and were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Wednesday, May 3, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 6, 4/27/17

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Norway I’m Eating Rakfisk for Breakfast!, seven teams raced from Africa to Norway.  Matt climbed and loved it, and Team Fun jumped for a fast forward.  Apparently Ashton was irritating, or at least that’s what we’re led to believe, and Liz and Michael had a total meltdown over how holding a map does not determine where north is.  At any rate, they finished last on the first nonelimination leg and were handed their next clue and told to keep racing!  (Toyouke: “Oh yeah, "Still Racing".”)  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Tuesday, May 2, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 5, 4/20/17

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Doors and Chests and Ladles, Oh My!, eight teams raced through Zanzibar again.  Shamir and Sara fought.  A lot.  Which caused them to miss a ferry, and thus got them eliminated.  And Phil even had to come to them at the task.  Tara and Joey, however, the oldest team left, came in first.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 4, 4/20/17

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Zany Racers Zoom Through Zanzibar!, nine teams raced from Brazil to Tanzania and on to the island of Zanzibar. In Zanzibar City, Seth and Olive and Matt and Redmond were U-turned. Liz and Michael won their second leg in a row, and Seth and Olive couldn’t recover from the U-turn and were eliminated, not before Becca and Floyd were almost eliminated for losing their passports. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 3, 4/13/17

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on This Harness Hurts My Manhood!, we were reminded that 11 teams of strangers were in São Paolo. Liz and Michael inexplicably pulled off a win, and Shamir complained incessantly that harnesses weren’t made for men. At any rate, the only team of girls, Jessie and Francesca, went home. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Saturday, April 8, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 2, 4/6/17

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Why Doesn’t Anyone in Panama Know Where the Panama Canal Is?, 11 teams started Amazing Race 29.  That is, after they created them from 22 strangers.  Team Fun found the Express Pass, and some teams got along while others didn’t.  In the end, Seth and Olive came in first, and Kevin and Jenn were slapped with a two hour penalty that caused their last place finish and elimination.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Saturday, April 1, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 1, 3/30/17

Welcome to Leg 1 of The Amazing Race 29!  The Amazing Camera careens through Los Angeles, as usual, to Phil, who is waiting for us in Grand Hope Park.  Oh, TAR, I’ve missed you!  Never wait fourteen months to premiere again!  Anyway, we find out the twist of the season: none of the twenty-two contestants are related!  Thus, we need to pair them up. (click for more)
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TAR 29, Recap Leg 0, 3/23/17

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  It’s season number twenty-nine, and the gimmick this season involves single people!  Well, not people looking for love, like TAR Blind Date, but 22 people who want to be paired up to race around the world!  (Toyouke: “Did you realize the last season we had of this show was the internet celebrities season? It was that long ago. And now we have another gimmick.“)  Oh, and I brought Toyouke along for the snark. Aren’t you lucky?  Now, being that I had to wait for the first episode to find out the teams, this is a little late, but I’ll do my best to talk about them and rate them as unbiased as possible.  The teams were chosen via ranked school yard pick-em, based on the finish of a challenge.  Placement after the challenge is listed after each person’s name.  The eleven teams for TAR29 are: (click for more)

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Thursday, March 2, 2017

Top Chef 3/2/17--"Comida Final" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a Quickfire with habaneros, which Brooke won, because clearly she's the favorite. Poor Sheldon bought a tamale thinking it was cheese, so that's how the day went for him. The Elimination challenge was cooking with “traditional Mayan ingredients and techniques”. That means over an open fire with just your knives and a mortar and pestle, and without a lot of ingredients everyone wants to use like garlic and onions. Brooke got really flustered and threw a lot of stuff at her dish, exactly the problem she was having when she was eliminated the first time. Sheldon saw his competitors cooking fish wrapped in leaves and decided they just decided to for whatever reason, so didn't use leaves and his fish stuck to the grill. Shirley did not make mistakes and won, and then the judges sent Sheldon home because clearly this whole season has been a way for Brooke to win because someone is mad she got screwed by that one weird finale set up. I like Brooke but it's so clearly obvious that I don't see why I should watch anymore. Let's hope there's a twist. But I doubt it. (click for more)
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Thursday, February 23, 2017

Top Chef 2/23/17--"Trial By Fire" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Brooke returned from Last Chance Kitchen and then promptly won both the Quickfire (cooking goat) and the Elimination challenge (make a dish and margarita pairing). Are you surprised? I'm not. Tesar was finally sent home, for making his drink too strong or whatever. I actually like everyone in the Final Three, but I have the feeling this whole season was set up for a Brooke win, because she lost the one season they had a weird finale set-up that everyone hated. (click for more)
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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Top Chef 2/16/17--"Cooking Away in Margaritaville" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the last challenge before the finale forced everyone to cook with loved ones. Only Sheldon figured it out, as he and his wife threw mushrooms at each other and were generally the best. You were supposed to tell your loved one how to make the dish you were making, so they matched, and Sheldon was the most successful. He won $10,000 and a sous vide machine. The final Elimination Challenge was to cook a dish that represented your journey on the show. Sheldon and Shirley both made Southern/Asian fusion cuisine, which resulted in a Sheldon win. Tesar at least referenced seafood and the complaint the judges had about his dish was something he explained pretty well. Brooke ran out of creativity and just bought a bunch of ingredients representing the challenges she'd done well in, and then crammed them all together. So in a surprise, Brooke was sent home. (click for more)
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Friday, February 10, 2017

Top Chef 2/9/17--"Adios Charleston, Hello James Beard" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a Quickfire with shrimp and the elimination of Casey. And then an Elimination challenge with brunch mashups for some reason. I don't know either, but it's late in the competition and people are tired. Shirley made cheeseburger pot stickers and won. Sylva tried to make a fritatta hiding fish and lost. I'm not sure what his mashup was supposed to be and no one really explained it, but the bottom line is there are no rookies left. (click for more)
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Friday, February 3, 2017

Top Chef 2/2/17--"Shrimp Boats and Hat Ladies" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire was a blind taste test and Brooke destroyed everyone, which wasn't that surprising. Emily was terrible which also wasn't surprising. Then the chefs had to serve a charity cocktail gala, outside, and make dishes that were inspired by childhood memories. Sylva made fried beef patties which were light and super delicious so he was declared the winner. Emily made an icebox cake, sort of, and she thought she had elevated it but she did not. So she was finally sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 26, 2017

Top Chef 1/26/17--"For The Kids" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: it was Restaurant Wars and that always goes down how you would expect. One team was great and one team was a disaster. Emily benefited by being on the great team (and to be fair, making a good dessert) so she did not go home. Brooke did both front of house and made a great salmon dish, so she won. On the other side, Katsuji turned down the executive chef position and said it was because Tesar deserved it and he deserved to win? But then Katsuji took on literally half the menu because he wanted to win? Anyway, the judges knew he had set Tesar up so Katsuji was sent home. (click for more)
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Friday, January 20, 2017

Top Chef 1/19/17--"Restaurant Wars" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a really dumb Quickfire involving astrological signs, which Jamie won, and then it was a Sudden Death Quickfire also. Jim, Sylva, and Emily had to compete to stay, and Jim lost. Kind of crap since Emily hasn't really distinguished herself for good cooking, but whatever. Then there was some dumb talk of pirates, and a “treasure hunt” for ingredients. Which is just like that terrible Texas season where they forced the contestants to do stupid tasks all the time. Anyway, teams again. Jamie's team (mainly Tesar) decided that since Jamie had immunity, if their team got crap ingredients he should get stuck with them, since having immunity meant he couldn't be sent home. Well, he DID get stuck with crap ingredients and his team DID end up on the bottom, not that Emily didn't also make a bad dish. But Jamie decided that it was his fault his team lost, so he offered to give up his immunity to be judged. Which is too bad because he went home instead of Emily. Oh, and Shirley won. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Top Chef 1/12/17--"Booty" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the contestants were asked to make healthy vegetarian versions of comfort foods. Also to run around. Sigh. Jamie won for making sloppy joes with tofu. For the Elimination Challenge everyone made a dish that was inspired by Edna Lewis, so simple Southern cooking that highlights seasonality and ingredients. Emily continued to fall apart and not be the person she acted like the first day. Sylva won for making perfect fried fish. Amanda made a decent dish, but it wasn't particularly Southern so she was sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Top Chef 1/5/17--"A Southern Legend" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a weird Quickfire where no one knew what was going on, and the contestants had to guess they would be making biscuits. Brooke won, because she's doing really well and if this was “Project Runway” I'd suspect they brought her back because they thought she should have won her season. Then there was all night BBQ pork. Sheldon has a herniated disk, but he got some painkillers and is going to power through. Tesar made mac and cheese with xanthan gum and won. Silvia made “Italian potato salad” and everyone wanted regular potato salad so she was sent home. Birthday curse in effect. (click for more)
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Top Chef 12/29/16--"Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire was basically an episode of “Chopped”, where everyone was supposed to use weird things and also a pressure cooker and melon baller. Casey won, and immediately screwed up the Elimination challenge so she was lucky she had immunity. The Elimination challenge was to do the Feast of Seven Fishes, only using trash fish. Also pairs for everyone except Casey. Everyone appeared to get along, even though Katsuji and Tesar bickered at each other. Emily suddenly was humble and let Brooke make all the decisions. Katsuji won, because his sauce was the best. BJ over-reduced the sauce for his dish, and was sent home. (click for more)
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Project Runway 12/29/16--"Reunion" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Erin won because I guess the producers decided it was time to pretend to be about fashion and not the most commercial collection. Anyway, it looks like there will be booze at this reunion so that's something. (click for more)
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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Top Chef 12/22/16--"The Feast of the Seven Trash Fishes" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: we had the mise en place relay race, where teams had to then cook with the things they just prepped. They also had the twist that all stations were worked on at the same time, and once you finished your station you could help someone else. Sheldon won the Quickfire and immunity for being a total team player. Then they stayed in the same teams for head-to-head battles using radishes. It came down to the last dishes, which is dumb and feels contrived but at the same time, at least everyone served their dishes. Brooke won again, for making dessert. Surprisingly Sam lost for making a bahn mi with brioche which is pretty dumb. (click for more)
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Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Project Runway 12/22/16--"Finale, Part 2" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: a waste of my time and your time because no one gets eliminated and there is no additional look to work on so in the end, what is the point of making the finale two episodes? So the judges can give you orders and then penalize you if you don't follow them? Whatever. (click for more)
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