Friday, August 18, 2017

Project Runway 8/17/17--"One Size Does Not Fit All" summary

The important things to know: the models range in sizes up to a 22, which is an actual plus size and not a “plus size model” which is a person who is not an actual plus size person. We don't know how model selection is going to work, which means that it's always possible everyone will always pick the smaller girls and this “experiment” will fail quickly. Also if you win, you get a capsule collection at JC Penny, and I'm not pretending I never shop there but it is not a place I associate with Fashion. So, I guess let's do this. (click for more)
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Thursday, August 10, 2017

Project Runway...back...yay.

Hey everyone! Project Runway starts again next week. This week is the "Road to the Runway" thing, so it's nice they put it a week beforehand. Of course, that's so they can have some kind of bullshit "enhanced" episode next week with social media and commentary. I guess I might care if it was ever commentary that was funny. I am picky about my Twitter commentary. Anyway, the one thing I am excited about is there is a Muslim designer, and I very much want her to clash with Heidi about how Heidi thinks everything has to be sexy. Designing "Fashion" that is also modest is a great unexplored concept that this show never does.

Also if you haven't heard, the models this season range from size 0 to size 22. I like forcing the designers to design for "normal" women but I also am afraid that after a couple weeks the larger models will be eliminated "because I just don't get along with her" or some other dumbass reason, and then it's just like every other season so who cares?

To sum up, people are odd, have backstories, Tim Gunn pretends they're the best designers ever, etc. You guys know the drill. I'll see you next week. Clicky clicky

Saturday, June 3, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 12, 6/1/17

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Korea Is All About Frat Boy Games, four teams raced through South Korea, stacking cups and playing video games.  Matt and Redmond made the decision to take the subway instead of a taxi, which put them behind for most of the leg.  And then there were three.  Brooke and Scott, who appeared to be a perfect match out of the gate, fought and bickered their way across the world.  Scott overcame his fear of heights three times.  Brooke overcame. . . well, everything.  Tara and Joey, the oldest team this season, had their fair share of ups and downs, including some first place finishes, but ultimately had a common goal about succeeding for their families.  And London and Logan, who have yet to win a leg, are just positive all the time, even though they Bald Snark consistently. Three teams remain.  Who will win The Amazing Race 29? (click for more)
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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 11, 5/25/17

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on What’s Vietnam Without Gnomes and Flo?, five teams continued racing through Vietnam, this time on bikes in the scorching heat.  There were Flo Bikes, which Floyd couldn’t manage, got heat exhaustion, and basically took team fun out of the Race.  And then there were four.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Sunday, May 21, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 10, 5/18/17

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Searching For a Fan In a Crowd Is Like Finding a Clue In a Haybale, five teams complete a Switchback Roadblock in Greece before flying to Hanoi, Vietnam.  There was much animosity over who got ladders and who didn’t, but it was Joey’s inability to read the clue that cause him and Tara to finish in last on the third non-elimination leg.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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TAR 29, Recap Leg 9, 5/18/17

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Barging In On Someone’s Wedding and Bringing Them Livestock Sounds Like Fun!, six teams travel from Italy to Greece.  The last Double U-Turn rears its ugly head, and pits Team Fun against the Hipsters.  But since Liz and Michael had a Speed Bump from the previous leg, it put them even further behind, leading to their elimination.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Sunday, May 14, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 8, 5/11/17

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on Let’s Have the Teams Do the Most Stereotypical Italian Things We Can Think Of, six teams continued racing through Italy in Venice.  The Boys finally win a leg, while Liz struggles at the Roadblock, causing them to finish last.  But it’s a non-elimination leg!  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Monday, May 8, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 7, 5/4/17

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Oh My God I’m Brooke and I’m Going to Complain About Everything, seven teams continued racing from Norway to Italy.  There was another Double U-Turn, so the teams devised a plan to get rid of the now hated Vanck and Ashton.  While Becca and Floyd rock climbed their way into first place, Vanck and Ashton had to do both Detours and were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Wednesday, May 3, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 6, 4/27/17

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Norway I’m Eating Rakfisk for Breakfast!, seven teams raced from Africa to Norway.  Matt climbed and loved it, and Team Fun jumped for a fast forward.  Apparently Ashton was irritating, or at least that’s what we’re led to believe, and Liz and Michael had a total meltdown over how holding a map does not determine where north is.  At any rate, they finished last on the first nonelimination leg and were handed their next clue and told to keep racing!  (Toyouke: “Oh yeah, "Still Racing".”)  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Tuesday, May 2, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 5, 4/20/17

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Doors and Chests and Ladles, Oh My!, eight teams raced through Zanzibar again.  Shamir and Sara fought.  A lot.  Which caused them to miss a ferry, and thus got them eliminated.  And Phil even had to come to them at the task.  Tara and Joey, however, the oldest team left, came in first.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 4, 4/20/17

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Zany Racers Zoom Through Zanzibar!, nine teams raced from Brazil to Tanzania and on to the island of Zanzibar. In Zanzibar City, Seth and Olive and Matt and Redmond were U-turned. Liz and Michael won their second leg in a row, and Seth and Olive couldn’t recover from the U-turn and were eliminated, not before Becca and Floyd were almost eliminated for losing their passports. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Wednesday, April 26, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 3, 4/13/17

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on This Harness Hurts My Manhood!, we were reminded that 11 teams of strangers were in São Paolo. Liz and Michael inexplicably pulled off a win, and Shamir complained incessantly that harnesses weren’t made for men. At any rate, the only team of girls, Jessie and Francesca, went home. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Saturday, April 8, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 2, 4/6/17

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Why Doesn’t Anyone in Panama Know Where the Panama Canal Is?, 11 teams started Amazing Race 29.  That is, after they created them from 22 strangers.  Team Fun found the Express Pass, and some teams got along while others didn’t.  In the end, Seth and Olive came in first, and Kevin and Jenn were slapped with a two hour penalty that caused their last place finish and elimination.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)
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Saturday, April 1, 2017

TAR 29, Recap Leg 1, 3/30/17

Welcome to Leg 1 of The Amazing Race 29!  The Amazing Camera careens through Los Angeles, as usual, to Phil, who is waiting for us in Grand Hope Park.  Oh, TAR, I’ve missed you!  Never wait fourteen months to premiere again!  Anyway, we find out the twist of the season: none of the twenty-two contestants are related!  Thus, we need to pair them up. (click for more)
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TAR 29, Recap Leg 0, 3/23/17

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  It’s season number twenty-nine, and the gimmick this season involves single people!  Well, not people looking for love, like TAR Blind Date, but 22 people who want to be paired up to race around the world!  (Toyouke: “Did you realize the last season we had of this show was the internet celebrities season? It was that long ago. And now we have another gimmick.“)  Oh, and I brought Toyouke along for the snark. Aren’t you lucky?  Now, being that I had to wait for the first episode to find out the teams, this is a little late, but I’ll do my best to talk about them and rate them as unbiased as possible.  The teams were chosen via ranked school yard pick-em, based on the finish of a challenge.  Placement after the challenge is listed after each person’s name.  The eleven teams for TAR29 are: (click for more)

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Thursday, March 2, 2017

Top Chef 3/2/17--"Comida Final" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a Quickfire with habaneros, which Brooke won, because clearly she's the favorite. Poor Sheldon bought a tamale thinking it was cheese, so that's how the day went for him. The Elimination challenge was cooking with “traditional Mayan ingredients and techniques”. That means over an open fire with just your knives and a mortar and pestle, and without a lot of ingredients everyone wants to use like garlic and onions. Brooke got really flustered and threw a lot of stuff at her dish, exactly the problem she was having when she was eliminated the first time. Sheldon saw his competitors cooking fish wrapped in leaves and decided they just decided to for whatever reason, so didn't use leaves and his fish stuck to the grill. Shirley did not make mistakes and won, and then the judges sent Sheldon home because clearly this whole season has been a way for Brooke to win because someone is mad she got screwed by that one weird finale set up. I like Brooke but it's so clearly obvious that I don't see why I should watch anymore. Let's hope there's a twist. But I doubt it. (click for more)
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Thursday, February 23, 2017

Top Chef 2/23/17--"Trial By Fire" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Brooke returned from Last Chance Kitchen and then promptly won both the Quickfire (cooking goat) and the Elimination challenge (make a dish and margarita pairing). Are you surprised? I'm not. Tesar was finally sent home, for making his drink too strong or whatever. I actually like everyone in the Final Three, but I have the feeling this whole season was set up for a Brooke win, because she lost the one season they had a weird finale set-up that everyone hated. (click for more)
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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Top Chef 2/16/17--"Cooking Away in Margaritaville" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the last challenge before the finale forced everyone to cook with loved ones. Only Sheldon figured it out, as he and his wife threw mushrooms at each other and were generally the best. You were supposed to tell your loved one how to make the dish you were making, so they matched, and Sheldon was the most successful. He won $10,000 and a sous vide machine. The final Elimination Challenge was to cook a dish that represented your journey on the show. Sheldon and Shirley both made Southern/Asian fusion cuisine, which resulted in a Sheldon win. Tesar at least referenced seafood and the complaint the judges had about his dish was something he explained pretty well. Brooke ran out of creativity and just bought a bunch of ingredients representing the challenges she'd done well in, and then crammed them all together. So in a surprise, Brooke was sent home. (click for more)
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Friday, February 10, 2017

Top Chef 2/9/17--"Adios Charleston, Hello James Beard" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: a Quickfire with shrimp and the elimination of Casey. And then an Elimination challenge with brunch mashups for some reason. I don't know either, but it's late in the competition and people are tired. Shirley made cheeseburger pot stickers and won. Sylva tried to make a fritatta hiding fish and lost. I'm not sure what his mashup was supposed to be and no one really explained it, but the bottom line is there are no rookies left. (click for more)
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Friday, February 3, 2017

Top Chef 2/2/17--"Shrimp Boats and Hat Ladies" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire was a blind taste test and Brooke destroyed everyone, which wasn't that surprising. Emily was terrible which also wasn't surprising. Then the chefs had to serve a charity cocktail gala, outside, and make dishes that were inspired by childhood memories. Sylva made fried beef patties which were light and super delicious so he was declared the winner. Emily made an icebox cake, sort of, and she thought she had elevated it but she did not. So she was finally sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 26, 2017

Top Chef 1/26/17--"For The Kids" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: it was Restaurant Wars and that always goes down how you would expect. One team was great and one team was a disaster. Emily benefited by being on the great team (and to be fair, making a good dessert) so she did not go home. Brooke did both front of house and made a great salmon dish, so she won. On the other side, Katsuji turned down the executive chef position and said it was because Tesar deserved it and he deserved to win? But then Katsuji took on literally half the menu because he wanted to win? Anyway, the judges knew he had set Tesar up so Katsuji was sent home. (click for more)
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Friday, January 20, 2017

Top Chef 1/19/17--"Restaurant Wars" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a really dumb Quickfire involving astrological signs, which Jamie won, and then it was a Sudden Death Quickfire also. Jim, Sylva, and Emily had to compete to stay, and Jim lost. Kind of crap since Emily hasn't really distinguished herself for good cooking, but whatever. Then there was some dumb talk of pirates, and a “treasure hunt” for ingredients. Which is just like that terrible Texas season where they forced the contestants to do stupid tasks all the time. Anyway, teams again. Jamie's team (mainly Tesar) decided that since Jamie had immunity, if their team got crap ingredients he should get stuck with them, since having immunity meant he couldn't be sent home. Well, he DID get stuck with crap ingredients and his team DID end up on the bottom, not that Emily didn't also make a bad dish. But Jamie decided that it was his fault his team lost, so he offered to give up his immunity to be judged. Which is too bad because he went home instead of Emily. Oh, and Shirley won. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 12, 2017

Top Chef 1/12/17--"Booty" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the contestants were asked to make healthy vegetarian versions of comfort foods. Also to run around. Sigh. Jamie won for making sloppy joes with tofu. For the Elimination Challenge everyone made a dish that was inspired by Edna Lewis, so simple Southern cooking that highlights seasonality and ingredients. Emily continued to fall apart and not be the person she acted like the first day. Sylva won for making perfect fried fish. Amanda made a decent dish, but it wasn't particularly Southern so she was sent home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 5, 2017

Top Chef 1/5/17--"A Southern Legend" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a weird Quickfire where no one knew what was going on, and the contestants had to guess they would be making biscuits. Brooke won, because she's doing really well and if this was “Project Runway” I'd suspect they brought her back because they thought she should have won her season. Then there was all night BBQ pork. Sheldon has a herniated disk, but he got some painkillers and is going to power through. Tesar made mac and cheese with xanthan gum and won. Silvia made “Italian potato salad” and everyone wanted regular potato salad so she was sent home. Birthday curse in effect. (click for more)
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Top Chef 12/29/16--"Smoke 'Em If You Got 'Em" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire was basically an episode of “Chopped”, where everyone was supposed to use weird things and also a pressure cooker and melon baller. Casey won, and immediately screwed up the Elimination challenge so she was lucky she had immunity. The Elimination challenge was to do the Feast of Seven Fishes, only using trash fish. Also pairs for everyone except Casey. Everyone appeared to get along, even though Katsuji and Tesar bickered at each other. Emily suddenly was humble and let Brooke make all the decisions. Katsuji won, because his sauce was the best. BJ over-reduced the sauce for his dish, and was sent home. (click for more)
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Project Runway 12/29/16--"Reunion" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Erin won because I guess the producers decided it was time to pretend to be about fashion and not the most commercial collection. Anyway, it looks like there will be booze at this reunion so that's something. (click for more)
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Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Top Chef 12/22/16--"The Feast of the Seven Trash Fishes" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: we had the mise en place relay race, where teams had to then cook with the things they just prepped. They also had the twist that all stations were worked on at the same time, and once you finished your station you could help someone else. Sheldon won the Quickfire and immunity for being a total team player. Then they stayed in the same teams for head-to-head battles using radishes. It came down to the last dishes, which is dumb and feels contrived but at the same time, at least everyone served their dishes. Brooke won again, for making dessert. Surprisingly Sam lost for making a bahn mi with brioche which is pretty dumb. (click for more)
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Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Project Runway 12/22/16--"Finale, Part 2" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: a waste of my time and your time because no one gets eliminated and there is no additional look to work on so in the end, what is the point of making the finale two episodes? So the judges can give you orders and then penalize you if you don't follow them? Whatever. (click for more)
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