My monkey could do that

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Top Chef 2/4/16--"Restaurant Wars Part 1" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone had to make pretty food for the Quickfire, and no one ate any, they just took pictures and saw how many likes they could get. What was nice about the challenge is that no one knew who won until Judges' Table. The Elimination challenge involved cooking for Beefsteak, which is a big charity event where everyone dresses up and then eats with their hands. Apparently also you were supposed to make beef, which people whined about. Everyone complained, but first of all they didn't tell the contestants beef, they just said meat, and second, they let Phillip win because he made lamb chops on the bone which was the kind of eating-with-our-hands thing they wanted. Kwame still was struggling, but since he had a good idea/poor execution, he was viewed a little better than the other two fish dishes which were poor ideas. Chad's fish dish was too fussy and had microgreens so he was sent home. Oh and Karen won the Quickfire, not that it mattered since she was never in danger of going home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 28, 2016

Top Chef 1/28/16--"Where's the Beef?" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire was overly complicated for some reason, asking contestants to take turns picking out one ingredient and then those were the only ten ingredients allowed to be used. I don't know. Jeremy won immunity (and I didn't write it down? Or talk about it? I don't know what I was doing last week). For the Elimination Challenge everyone must make a dish representing who they were and how they were ten years ago. Because “Top Chef” is ten years old. Marjorie made green curry because she was a “green” chef back then, and she won. Jason continued to be ridiculous because he talked about how he's better than all these “norms” and then said ten years ago he was a raging asshole and he's totally not like that now. Kwame, on the other hand, was having a rough time back then and he really did not like to remember that time. Phillip said to Tom's face that he should be cooking for the judges and what they want, and then later claimed to have tasted every piece of fish he served. But Jason was sent home finally. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 21, 2016

Top Chef 1/21/16--"Back in the Day" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the contestants had to make fish tacos on a pier in San Diego in a “Sudden Death” Quickfire. Angelina lost when she didn't manage to get her tacos plated on the plates. She picked Wesley to go against in making a dish with Caesar salad ingredients, but sadly she lost and was sent home. The Elimination challenge forced everyone to make a dish to pair with a specific beer created by one of the judges. Isaac temporarily lost his mind and made mayonnaise out of bananas, but luckily he was safe. Karen won with a delicious beet puree. Wesley had overcooked meat and terrible presentation so he was eliminated. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 14, 2016

Top Chef 1/14/16--"Banannaise" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire involved dates which wasn't that interesting, like, I get that people have cute stories but whatever. Jason won immunity and immediately became a really obnoxious smug jerk. Everyone had to cook in a group for a group gay wedding, which was actually cute and fun. Phillip failed because he made like, potato sauce or something, and then everyone tried to bitch at him for not being honest about how he totally didn't tell them it would be sauce and not mashed potatoes? I mean, the judges hated the potatoes and Phillip told them it was exactly how he wanted, and they weren't trying to argue that the team should have stopped him. So just let him fail. Anyway, Karen and Giselle also had a failed dish and Giselle basically admitted she didn't do anything so she went home. (click for more)
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Thursday, January 7, 2016

Top Chef 1/7/16--"Big Gay Wedding" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a weird Quickfire about cooking with the sun, that Wesley won. Also Phillip put his dish on rocks he picked up off the ground, because Phillip. Giselle managed to break her solar oven and Grayson kept on complaining like she does. The Elimination challenge involved cooking in pairs on the golf course. Jeremy won, I would like to think partially for making ceviche and keeping it on ice. Grayson served bad corn? It wasn't good enough to serve raw so she cooked it but this is still terrible? Whatever, she went home and was pissed because she has so much experience, etc. You can fill that part in. (click for more)
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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Top Chef 12/17/15--"It's a Dry Heat" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: everyone traveled to Santa Barbara to cook with sea urchins and drink wine. We saw the return of the “Sudden Death” Quickfire, which is a waste of time because although Giselle lost the Quickfire she was fine. Grayson won the Quickfire so she had immunity, meaning we didn't have to listen to her complain about things. Mostly. The Elimination challenge at first involved cooking in pairs to make surf and turf, then in a twist everyone had to cook head-to-head, one surf and one turf. Kwame won and was kind of shocked, which was cute. Frances lost, apparently because she had too much on the plate? It wasn't super clear. (click for more)
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Sunday, December 13, 2015

TAR 27 Recap Leg 12, 12-11-15

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Instructions Are Really Just Suggestions Until You Receive Time Penalties, 4 teams raced from India to Hong Kong and Macau. Teams were fairly even until Justin and Diana made some major errors that put them behind. But as fate would have it, the Cheerleaders can’t seem to open their eyes underwater, and the Green Team survives nearly an hour’s worth of time penalties to make the final three, causing the elimination of Tiffany and Krista. This leaves us with three teams: Justin and Diana, who made a fake Amazing Race and became engaged, and struggled on leg 1 but managed to win seven legs so far; Kelsey and Joey, the reporters who had a not so secret alliance with the Green Team, but managed to finish in second place a record five times; and Logan and Chris, the paparazzi who can’t stop sniping at each other. Who will win the Amazing Race 27? (click for more)
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