Project Runway All Stars 2/2/12--"Clothes Off Your Back" summary

Previously on Project Runway: make a pretty dress in a color we will give you and make it in 6 hours. That’s pretty much it. So everyone made very simple dresses that tended towards weird because, 6 hours. I thought Mondo should have won because his dress screamed “cantaloupe” even though it was a caftan. But Michael made a caftan too, only with giant sleeves and all in satin. Apparently that was better. April’s dress wasn’t that bad, I thought, but she was sent home. I guess it wasn’t made very well, but if you want well-made clothes, maybe give people a couple of days to sew. (click for more)

Also thanks v for pointing out that the host’s name is Angela. I think I missed a couple of times. Whoops.

No apartment shots today. Just Angela and Central Park. I miss when Heidi would say something random and then Tim would take everyone on a field trip. This week’s challenge is about muses. You must find a muse to inspire a “fashion-forward” look. Mila thinks the casual park attire she sees is not good enough. HOWEVER! You must convince your muse to give you the clothes off their back. Interesting. Anthony laughs because he’s taken “daggers” for daring to have a personality, and now that personality will be an advantage. True, I bet Anthony has no problem getting someone to give him clothes. They are going to get $150, which they can use to bribe people. Leftover money can be used at Mood. No rules on how much or how little has to come from your “muse”? Oh…half. Never mind. They will have two days, I thought because they were taking a bunch of time to find muses. But they only have 30 minutes.

Everyone runs around. Anthony throws some shade about how Mila suddenly has a personality. He accosts some poor woman and says he needs her top. It’s pretty cool though. Thankfully they’ve given the designers some T-shirts and whatever to give out. He says she can put on a T-shirt and then her apron and cinch her waist and be high fashion again. Hee. He even has a portable changing room. Rami gets rejected by several people, which I’m sure is a new experience for him. Michael finds Rami and Austin and they all seem to be empty-handed. Austin (in his straw boat hat) has found some artist type. It seems the best approach is to just run up to someone, gush about their style, and then insist they participate. Pushy works in this case. Kara finds a very cute boy in a bright pink shirt who is willing to strip off his shirt without the changing room. Good for you, Kara. Jerell, of all people, has a random stranger offering to strip for him and calling him “big boy”. Everyone is promising their muse that they are going to make something awesome, but how will they know? Are the muses coming to the runway? Or will they all find out right now with everyone else? Anthony runs up to a hot boy who is already shirtless and greets him with “Hi hot white guy”. I love Anthony. Said boy agrees to strip off his shorts. As Anthony shrieks in glee, others notice, so he says “Back off bitches, this one’s mine!” Oh, he is HOT. And then Anthony takes the shorts without paying the poor man, not even a dollar. Austin tries to ask for his underwear and fails, but not before he got the guy’s phone number. Anthony: “Ladies, THAT’S how you get a man!”

Jerell brags at Mood that he’s not buying fabric because “that just, kind of, putting your baby in a bear trap”. He also throws out a Wendy Williams “HowYOUdoin” which I enjoy. Most people seem to run out of money. Kara has to borrow money from people.

Mila says she has to make the jeans she has into a model size. Look, I happen to know a guy who is a size 34, and he is pretty skinny already. I don’t think you have that far to go. Maybe because I am so far from model size I am not picturing it right. Mondo says this is how he learned to sew and design, by buying thrift store clothes and resewing them. Anthony is making hot pants. Jerell thinks he’s doing something wrong but Anthony is using 50% garments from the park so he’s fine. Michael has a macramé top or something. He wants to use it but doesn’t know how. And the first day is over.

Oh, I just had a thought. Did they give them two days so that they could show up today and make them make another garment? Crap. I think Mondo is lying down with his head in Michael’s lap for some reason. Anthony is still confused. He has too many ideas. Michael feels better, I’m sure you’ll be glad to know. Jerell wants to show off his model’s body.

Joanna time! She reminds Mondo he hasn’t won anything yet, just to rub it in I guess, but he seems confident. Jerell has like, a bikini top and a weird shrug thing and a necklace and cow print…it’s a hot mess. Anthony interviews “Somebody look like they’re Coming to America.” Hee! Austin asks Joanna’s opinion of his epaulettes. Anthony still is confused. He shows Joanna his haul, mentioning many shirts are from boys and possibly he was just interested in having cute boys strip down for him. “Inspiration can come from anywhere!” Michael explains how yesterday he was so confused but today he is doing much better, thanks. Joanna says “doilies”. Oo.

Michael has a whole new top out of peach lace now. Jerell still has a hot mess but he thinks he’s going to win. Anthony has questioned his choices so much that at the moment he may not have anything. I think he might come up with some pants. Mondo is making a jacket with 22 pieces.
Day of the show. Kenley stands in the middle of the room and primps. Anthony: “Kenley is loud. If a black person says that you are loud, you are too loud.” True. Michael appears to have made granny panties. Kenley apparently finished Kara’s pants. Michael goes into the sewing room to gossip to Mila about it. They bitch about Kenley, which I totally approve of. She’s telling everyone what to do. Mondo has spiked his hair and it is not terribly flattering. Hot makeup guy! Michael wants “Sarah Jessica Parker, circa 1999 to 2002, but futuristic.”

Guest judge today is Sean Avery, who I guess is a hockey star? I don’t know. Michael: peach lace strapless top with a sweetheart neckline and granny panties in gray lace. I don’t know that you can wear it in public, but in terms of “fashion” it’s alright. Austin: black leather skirt, that is kind of full, and a cropped jacket with hardware. She does look edgy. There are striped panels in the skirt. Kara: black pants, a white sleeveless vest and a one-shouldered top in a gray and a blue. It’s hard to describe. It’s not bad. Mila: color blocked leggings in black and gray, with a black vest and a striped blue and white tank top. However I do notice it looks very close to the inspiration photograph: a girl in a tank top and leggings. Jerell: Dear God. OK. The top is a weird shrug in a bright orange with embroidery, that basically covers her shoulders. Then there is a blue and white striped bikini top. Then a very low-riding skirt, with a green and yellow belt and the rest is a rainbow. Yeah. Rami: white shorts with some blue along the hem, a black vest and a top in brown or something. It’s hard to see and his inspiration was a man in a plaid shirt so I’m not seeing it. Kenley: a Kenley dress in black and white stripes, with side panels of bright yellow and hip panels of pink plaid. Anthony: red pants with a weird hip ruffle. Like, along one side of her leg is a ruffle like an apron. And a sleeveless top slit down to the pants. Mondo: short skirt in stripes in a chevron, with yellow. And an cropped jacket with a bikini top underneath. Wait, I think it‘s hot pants? Yes.

Kenley, Mila, and Kara are safe. Rami wanted menswear inspired. The top has a big ruffle down the front that actually looks pretty good. They really like the shorts and that it’s fashionable. Michael used a top to make his “shorts”, but Georgina says if her daughter tried to wear that she wouldn’t be allowed out of the house. And the top is saggy. Jerell likes to mix things. Isaac says “Lion King costume”, but he is shown up by Sean who says “Lady Gaga and Gwen Stefani at Burning Man on acid”. Nice. There is too much going on and there is too much skin. Mondo knows the names of the people who gave him clothes. The jacket is fantastic, with a cutout, and the shorts are constructed so the patterns line up. Remember Anthony’s muse with that great print? It’s only in the bag now. However, everyone likes it. Sean says he would take a second look, and asks Isaac if he would too. Heh. Sadly the judges tell him that he didn’t meet the requirements of the challenge, as only the top and the bag are from the street. Austin’s outfit is tough but street. It all works somehow.

Rami focused on tailoring, although they don’t like the hat he put with it. The shirt is a great business shirt, and the whole thing is well made. Austin overall had a great effect and the jacket was just the right length. Mondo was modern and fresh, but it’s too stylish? Isaac says if it’s too stylish the woman can’t make it her own and then it’s hard to wear. Jerell at least had a viewpoint. But that was bad. Michael usually makes really great clothes, but this time his model didn’t even look comfortable. Anthony got lazy, because while it was a good outfit, he didn’t relate it to his muse and didn’t use enough fabric from the street.

Rami is safe. Mondo is the winner! He’s been waiting. Austin is in. Jerell is safe. Sigh. Michael had construction issues. Anthony didn’t really follow the directions. Anthony is out. Boo, now who is going to say fun things? He’s going to miss everyone but he’s glad to have been on the show again. No regrets.

Next week: fashion face off. Jerell thinks Michael is copying him. Someone looks like a whore. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/1/12--"Bike, Borrow, & Steal" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was almost the mise en place relay race, except that everyone was in teams of two and there were only three things. But then everyone had to cook with whatever time they had left after prep, which was interesting. Paul forgot to put the shrimp in his and Ed’s dish, so they were disqualified. Then Grayson and Chris won, which I was not expecting at all. And then one of the product placement sponsors had a food drive to have random people donate food and be on TV, instead of just donating some of THEIR OWN food, but I guess you can do that too. And I totally missed Ryan who was a previous contestant on this show. You know, he was the one who completely did not understand the concept of tailgating. So each team has to compete head-to-head, with dishes they had to pick out before they knew they had to make them healthy. Grayson decided they should make chicken salad, which is kind of boring but also not particularly healthy or what I am going to eat when it is hot out. Hers was better, though, so Chris was ousted. Oh, and Paul won, but you probably could figure that one out. (click for more)

In the Last Chance Kitchen, once Chris figured out they meant the Top Chef kitchen and not the house kitchen, Chris and Beverly had to compete on “Chopped”. Inside the baskets: marshmallows, pine nuts, parsnips, buttermilk, lamb chops, cinnamon, radicchio, and white anchovies. Beverly won, and if she can survive whoever gets ousted today, she will be back in the competition.

Grayson feels bad because she was close to Chris. Ed rolls out of bed and comes downstairs in a blazer and shirt, and boxers. Everyone laughs at him. Lindsay tells us her family wishes she had gotten a job that paid better.

The Quickfire seems to involve a table full of pancakes. She says it’s the guest judge’s favorite food. I’m not sure why Grayson thinks this means it’s Miley Cyrus, but that’s what she says. Then Pee Wee Herman rides in. He looks exactly the same. It’s impressive. They have 20 minutes to make pancakes. Exciting pancakes. Man, I thought they would have to use the pancakes on the table to make things! Wouldn’t that be an awesome challenge?
Sarah wants to win some money for her upcoming wedding. She seems to be going for confetti cake. Everyone talks about pancakes and watching “Pee Wee’s Playhouse”. The liquid nitrogen is produced, so that Paul can make champagne Dippin’ Dots. I do not like Dippin’ Dots because I don’t like chewing ice cream. Grayson is making Mickey Mouse pancakes and hopes it’s “whimsical” enough. The eye roll is implied. Sarah’s sprinkles are leaching color instead of being dots.

Grayson: ricotta buttermilk pancakes, peach compote, blackberry, and basil. Oh, Grayson. When they show the shot of the plate, you can see two blackberries and a big slice of peach. Not arranged as eyes and a mouth. You should have put more blackberries or something, because now I am seeing the face you didn’t make and I‘m disappointed. Also she kind of talks to Padma and Pee Wee like they’re small children. To be fair Pee Wee is making faces. Sarah: confetti pancakes, blackberry sauce, cocoa nibs, and vanilla whipped cream. Paul: rolled pancake with berries, black pepper, and champagne Dippin’ Dots. Lindsay: ricotta pancakes, whipped crème fraiche, marcona almond and anise cookies. Ed: pancake bits, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, bacon, and bruleed marshmallow. Pancake bits are the little edges and drips that get burnt in the pan because you are concentrating on the actual pancakes. Pee Wee tells everyone that their pancake is the best he ever had.

No one gets called out for sucking, but the winner is Ed. Good for him, it’s his first Quickfire win.
“Chefs, I’m sure you all remember the Alamo.” Hee! Now we discuss one of Pee Wee’s movies, involving the Alamo, or whatever. Everyone gets a bicycle! Tomorrow they have to make a family style lunch for everyone. They will get a map, a bike, and $100. They have to find their own food and kitchen to cook it in. And only one contestant per kitchen. Padma says “restaurant”, so I guess they can’t cook in someone’s house or anything. That would be interesting though. (Kmanpat: “This would make a great challenge on “The Mole”.) It would. At least it’s not a team challenge. “The Mole” would make it a team challenge, one team to find ingredients and one to cook. Then they’d all have to put the dishes on bikes and ride up a hill.

Everyone gets up at 5:45am. They are going to have 3 hours to do everything, I think. That means biking and cooking and transport to the Alamo. The bikes are old school and have baskets. No streamers, but they appear to have those little license plates with names on them. Ed says they are like a biker gang. Hee. Paul reveals that he used to bike to work, but one day he hit a manhole cover and faceplanted. That sucks. They find a farmer’s market somewhere, and everyone is budgeting and also planning how much they can carry. They will have to transport everything to the Alamo on the bikes, so Sarah is trying not to buy too much. Ed wants shrimp, but there aren’t any at the farmer’s market, so he is hoping that the restaurant he finds will have some. Grayson and Paul are still together, but I’m not sure why Grayson is racing him. I guess they were racing for the same restaurant? Grayson finds the right door, and Paul says it’s not cool, but RACE! Oh, sorry…wrong show. Sarah is lost. Paul does find somewhere to work. Lindsay finds a place, but then she leaves to find more ingredients. Without cooking anything? Seems risky. Ed is trying to barter or trade, but the place he finds doesn’t have shrimp. He makes do with chicken and grits. There is a weird ominous shot of Ed’s bike, not locked up or anything. Lindsay shows up to wherever Grayson is, just to try to find some ingredients.

2 hours until service, and Sarah and Lindsay seem to be riding around. Sarah finds a place, except it’s the place Lindsay already visited once. Sarah sets up, and Lindsay has to leave again because they can only have one chef at a time in any kitchen. 30 minutes later, Lindsay is still riding. Finally she finds a BBQ spot and sets up. Her beef is still frozen, so she tries to thaw it quickly. Sarah is chatting up the guys at her restaurant. Ed is planning to undercook his chicken slightly so it will cook the rest of the way. He’s at a bed and breakfast, and the owner tells him he’s got some people sitting down to breakfast and can he get two eggs over easy? Ed is flabbergasted, but he’s borrowing space so you kind of have to do it. Grayson is putting an egg yolk inside a chicken breast. Paul’s making pickles, and it’s very telling that he specifies he’s making them out of cucumbers. You know…the vegetable most people associate with pickles. Lindsay says she works best under pressure. Everyone starts packing up and getting ready to ride over to the Alamo. I think people paid for whatever food they used from the restaurant they cooked in. Grayson is terrified her yolks in her chicken will break so she’s carrying the big pan in her hand somehow as she rides her bike. Actually she’s doing a really good job balancing, except for the part where she forgot the pan would be hot and her hand is burning. There should be tootling though. Sound guys, come on.

15 minutes to reheat and plate. Gail is here, along with Tom, Padma, and Pee Wee. Lindsay says it didn’t turn out the way she wanted, but it tastes good. Paul puts too much curry sauce, so he starts adding pickles, but he feels it’s going downhill.

Sarah: summer vegetable salad with a soft boiled egg and chicken skin vinaigrette. Grayson: egg, spinach, and gorgonzola stuffed chicken breast and roasted butternut squash. Lindsay: stuffed zucchini with braised beef cheeks, rice, and goat cheese. Ed: chicken and grits, raw corn, kale salad with red eye gravy. Paul: roasted chicken, red curry gastrique, summer salad with basil blossom oil. And pickles. Sarah’s eggs were cooked very well, but it needs salt and pepper. Lindsay’s beef is good, but there is too much goat cheese and vinaigrette. Red eye gravy is delicious, but Ed’s chicken is just barely this side of cooked enough, so the texture is weird. Both Tom and Pee Wee agree, and Pee Wee says “Bet you never saw yourself saying ‘I agree with Pee Wee’ today.” Hee. The egg yolks in Grayson’s chicken did not break, leading Pee Wee to declare he has a prize. But I guess she had the chicken and squash and then like, tomatoes and salad things? Tom doesn’t like it. Paul’s curry is sweet, and the pickles did cut the sweetness the way he had hoped they would. Pee Wee points out that Paul’s plate is the emptiest out of all of them. Padma sinks to Pee Wee’s level, and then tells Pee Wee she’ll see him there after he rides his bike over. “Tom, you’re in the basket.” “That’s where he usually is.”

Commercial interlude: Ed climbs under a chair for some reason as Lindsay tries in confessional to relate cooking to Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

There are few enough people that everyone comes to Judges’ Table. Pee Wee thanks them for lunch and says it was great. Overall a good job. Ed tells everyone how he had to cook for the bed and breakfast and the judges especially find it hysterical. Paul did a delicious job as usual, although you had to eat everything together or it was too sweet. Ed explains how he poached the chicken in beef tallow, and didn’t cool it down like he normally would because of time. It ended up a little rubbery. Grayson tries to explain how she took the chicken skin off, but the “it’s healthier” explanation falls by the wayside because then there was an egg yolk and bacon and cheese. Tom says butternut squash and tomatoes don’t really go together. Sarah had a new take on egg salad but the eggs were under seasoned. Lindsay’s zucchini were like little boats but her salad was kind of lacking. The winner is Lindsay. For some reason this shows that she deserves to be there, as if being the final five is not deserving or something. Paul is also safe. Everyone leaves.

Sarah’s cooking was perfect, but it is too late in the competition to not have seasoning. Poaching chicken in beef fat was a strange way for Ed to cook chicken, and the texture turned out strange. Grayson had huge chicken breasts (I guess that’s a thing with her) and mixing butternut squash and tomatoes is like mixing a summer dish with a fall dish? Yeah, I can see that.

Will it be slightly undercooked chicken (Ed), under seasoned eggs (Sarah), or poor flavor combinations (Grayson)? Today it is Grayson. Really? You know, usually you go with the execution failure. Whatever. I didn’t think she would make it this far, actually now that I think about it. She stayed true to herself, doesn’t regret anything. You know the story. The final four are toasting themselves as Padma comes to get them again. Then they let them in on Last Chance Kitchen. Ha! They watch a little bit of the competitions and freak out.

Next week: someone comes back into the competition, and Paul cries. That’s it, they don’t show anything else.

Last Chance Kitchen: we start out with a stupid recap because Grayson is Beverly’s last friend and now they’re competing. We already know this. I don’t care anymore. Everyone hates Beverly and they bullied her and then she left and I stopped having to hear about it. Grayson thinks she’s on Punk’d, but Tom says he would not get up at 6am just to fuck with her. He actually says that. Beverly says she’s not here to have fun, like Grayson is. I think Grayson is just laughing because she’s confused. Lighten up. 30 minutes to make a dish worthy of the finale. Anything you want. Nyesha says if Beverly beat her, she’d better make it all the way. Grayson talks about what she’s making, but in confessional she is not looking at the camera. People make comments and talk to the chefs. Beverly has scaled her fish so aggressively there are scales in her hair. Dakota snipes that Beverly is making Asian again and she always makes Asian. Well she beat you with it. Beverly asks Grayson how she got eliminated, which Grayson answers with cursing. Seriously, now is not the time to ask that. Beverly takes it right up to the last second. Beverly: red snapper in coconut broth infused with lemongrass, ginger, Thai basil & cilantro with a fennel mango salad. As she’s babbling about how she decided what to make, Tom is eating. Grayson: bacon seared scallop with a gastrique of cherry and champagne grapes with pistachio and tarragon. It’s meant to be “a trail of goodness”. Beverly’s dish was a little sweet, although the fish was perfectly cooked. Grayson’s scallops were also perfectly cooked, but the butter was slightly burned. They won’t tell who made it. I guess we’ll all find out next week. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/26/12--"Good Taste Tastes Good" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Muppets were involved. Everyone had to make a dress for Miss Piggy. No one had to account for the fact that Miss Piggy is essentially a plus-sized woman with no neck and a giant head. Or the fact that she is made out of foam. Instead everyone pretended she is a real person and made loud dresses, which is fine, I guess. Michael actually won, as he made a fairly creative shiny dress with interesting loops. I couldn’t find a picture of the dress being worn, so who knows. Mila didn’t match the “client”, but in the end, Gordana made a nightgown and was sent home. (click for more)

In the apartment everyone cheers Michael for winning. Kenley seems extra happy for him. Michael knows this does not guarantee he will win anything else.

Rami is wearing a tank top. A small tank top. Not small as in tight but small as in lacking fabric. Somehow this challenge is inspired by taste. Not taste like Nina and Kors are always talking about taste, but “taste itself”. You must make a “tasteful” outfit inspired by the colors/flavors of “a seriously tasty dessert”. I know that’s a lot of quotes but I feel they’re needed. And now there is a gelato cart. Do they get to eat gelato? Tasty. Everyone will get a flavor and also a fabric swatch to match colors. Mostly you can tell what the colors will be, except for “Fruits of the Forest” might be anything. Michael gets to pick first for winning and he picks grapefruit. He hopes for ruby red grapefruit but gets pale pink. But he DOES get a cone of gelato. Gelato in a cone?! Jeez. Then each person picks their color, and the next person in the line. Everyone seems pretty happy with their colors, as I think each person had a color they really wanted. The designers are different enough that they don’t seem to have overlap. Kara gets stuck with chocolate and cayenne pepper, which I must say, would be my favorite to eat but not to make an outfit with. The gelato place near me lets you mix flavors and I like to mix the chai with chocolate. Delicious.

Now Diane von Furstenburg is here! She’s cool. Michael completely freaks out. And now Andrea and Diane tell them they have six hours. Why? Six hours? First of all, it’s not like no one has ever made a dress in under six hours, because if you account for all the people who have changed course last minute, I’m sure someone has made a dress in less than that. And second, is this because someone said “Hey, we can’t have too many “make a pretty dress” challenges, let’s screw them in some way”?

People sketch and talk about impressing Diane. Except Kenley, she doesn’t want to think too big or too risky, so she can finish. Apparently we’re in such a hurry they dragged a bunch of fabric to the lounge so they don’t have to go to Mood. April can’t find the black jersey she wants, so she’s already in trouble. Mondo runs out of time and doesn’t get to buy everything he was going to.
Now there’s a stupid countdown, because of course the half hour of sketching and the half hour at “Mood” counted as part of the six hours. Now Austin is in his wife beater. Weird. Everyone is freaking out already. April references Willy Wonka, as she has blueberry. Mila doesn’t have any black. Crazy! Michael lays his fabric on the floor, and discovers he’s measured wrong so it’s about 8 inches shorter on one side. That’s not good. Kara runs around. Anthony announces to the sewing room he wishes he had a cocktail. Austin is kind of freaking out.

Joanna time! She brings everyone little cups of their gelato flavor, which is nice of her. Kara seems to have a lot of white and pink in her dress. Joanna likes it. April tells Joanna she’s sticking with what she’s comfortable with, and Joanna is not impressed, you can tell. Mondo has a great orange color, and Joanna talks to him about accessorizing. Not in a “you don’t do that well” way. Austin uses the word “blouson” in a sentence and Joanna tells him not to do bridal. She also asks Rami outright if he is sucking up to Diane with his wrap skirt. Heh. Mila must remember to be creative. Joanna asks Michael what his secret is, because he’s so fast that he is mostly done. He’s been sewing forever? I think that’s what he said.

Model fitting. Anthony says something very true: this challenge has nothing to do with being a designer, and everything to do with being a fast seamstress. Austin is hot gluing things and is ashamed. Mondo has made a caftan, but it’s pretty cool looking. April’s dress doesn’t’ fit her model, so she has to add panels, but she might not have enough fabric. Mila has a sheer fabric, so she’s had to layer it. Guess who ended up with fruits of the forest? Jerell, who is making a belt or something with fruit buttons. Fruits of the forest I guess is just berries? Different berries? Let’s go with that. Kara has taken Austin’s sewing machine, which is weird, because shouldn’t there be enough machines for everyone?

The models then come back, I guess because this is a one day episode: get the challenge, make something, runway show. All in the same day. Gratuitous shots of the accessory wall. That six hours includes hair and makeup? This is rough. Everyone likes to badmouth everyone else but I must include Jerell’s comment about Kara, and that her model looked like “a pregnant cupcake”, because that is an excellent snarky confessional quote. Austin sews his model into his dress, which I get the feeling he never does.

Isaac is back, and Diane obviously, and then model Miranda Kerr, for no reason. Oh, because she’s going to wear the winning design to an “industry event”. Whatevs. Mondo: a cantaloupe caftan with light green sleeves and a thin black belt. It does really say “cantaloupe”. Deep V in the back. Anthony: full beige skirt and a halter top in green with a bunch of folds and stuff. He had green tea. Kenley: a Kenley dress in dark pink with yellow polka dots and a yellow Peter Pan collar. It’s not terribly exciting or “passion fruit”. Rami: a sleeveless top that looks like one piece of fabric slug over her shoulders with the ends crossed at her waist. The two sides of the top are different shades of green, and there is also a shiny skirt in green. And a big black belt. It’s not that great, sadly. And there are patches of another fabric over her hips? Something. Mila: color blocking, but in red and white, with long sleeves. It’s interesting but she put the poor girl in heavy black wedges.

Jerell: super-Jerell outfit. The top has horizontal straps and a straight cut to the bodice, then it’s loose all the way down to the hem in front, and then a train in the back so it’s a mullet hem. Why is there a black strap across her shoulders? It’s weird. And two prints. Kara: white sleeveless top, and then a ton of tiers of ruffles in the skirt shading from white to pink to brown to red at the bottom. Oh, that poor model really does look pregnant. Michael: very dramatic pink caftan. This girl looks huge because while it’s belted, there is a TON of fabric in this dress. Huge sleeves, practically a train, it’s ridiculous. April: strapless dress with a full skirt that seems OK in the front, but is very short in the back. Austin: short white dress with a swath of fabric over one shoulder with flowers or something. The swath dangles down in the back. Eh.

Austin, Rami, Jerell, and Kenley are safe. Kara talks about the layers of flavor in her gelato and the dress. Georgina thinks she spoke well when she explained herself, but the dress falls short. And it’s not flattering. Isaac says the minute the word “pregnant” shows up, you know you’ve missed. Anthony used beige because he liked the way the gelato looked melting over the cone. It’s messy, and the top is very worked. The concept is good, but it needs tweaking and there are back panels that are not working. They love Mila’s look, but I wish Isaac would stop saying “ice cream”. Gelato is not ice cream. Diane says Mila’s dress looks like it was done in little time. BECAUSE IT WAS. Whatever. The lightness of the sheer fabric got weighed down by all the black accessories. Michael wanted to do something beautiful, but also something he could finish. They love the dress, but maybe not the color. Really? Crazy. What woman is wearing that thing? April has a nice color, but the top looks wonky and then of course the back of the skirt is scary. It doesn’t look finished. Of course not. Andrea says she has good ideas, but they don’t tend to come through. They make her take off the belt and say how good it looks. Of course everyone loves Mondo’s caftan, seeing as how it’s far superior to Michael’s shiny pink giant thing. Andrea complains about the color, as if he had a choice. Someone would have ended up with that bright orange. This is stupid. Did they buy some crack off Kors?

Anthony’s design had to be perfect if he was going to pull it off, and he didn’t make it perfectly. Georgina wishes he had made the skirt the same color. Kara just fumbled and wouldn’t work with brown? Or something? I am not really following this argument. Her dress is unflattering but she at least had a good explanation for it. April should have gone for more Halloween? I have no idea what these people are talking about. They love Michael’s dress, the movement and elegance, and the giant arms. But they don’t like the fabric. Mila’s dress looked easy, although her styling was heavy. Isaac says this was his favorite. Mondo gets praise from everyone but Isaac. The model says she is thinking about how if they pick Michael’s dress she’ll have to wear it without a bra and she doesn’t particularly want to. Ha.

Mila is in. Michael wins, which is bullshit. Miranda claims to be excited to wear that shiny thing. Didn’t this happen on his season, everyone thought his clothes were so great and they weren’t? Mondo is in, but he feels the judges are recognizing his talent. Anthony is in. April should have fixed her dress. Kara made a maternity dress. Kara is in. April is losing it on the runway. She’s only 22? Wow. She’s going to keep at it as she’s only 22. I was so pleased with the judging, too.

Next week: go to the park and be inspired, accost some people for clothing, Austin has a sweet Sunday church hat. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 1/25/12--"Block Party" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was a conveyer belt challenge, which was fun because someone kept messing with Chris, teasing him with lobsters. Beverly had the best dish, but forgot one of her components, so Lindsay won immunity instead. Then the chefs had to make dishes for a dinner with Charlize Theron, fit for an evil queen. The quality of the food was apparently the best that this season has seen. One of the best dinners in the history of the show. There was a lot of cool stuff going on, and Chris busted out his crazy nonsense where it belongs for once. But Paul won, because he made an “enchanted forest” and then put a big bloody handprint on the plate. The bottom three didn’t make poor dishes, so it came down to nitpicking. Beverly had a couple of mistakes, but mostly she didn’t meet the theme very well, so she was sent home. I’m sure Lindsay and Sarah will brag about it. (click for more)

Then in Last Chance Kitchen Beverly and Nyesha had to make dishes based on one trip to the pantry. And then for no reason Tom came in and made them switch. I’ve seen some talk that this screwed Nyesha, and showed favoritism, but I think if Beverly didn’t have the skills she still would have screwed it up. And Nyesha could have done something. Anyway, Beverly won, which pissed off everyone, but whatever.

Grayson says she will miss Beverly, but maybe not everyone will miss her as much. Understatement. Ed throws something for some reason. I think he was making fun of Lindsay yelling at Beverly during Restaurant Wars. Lindsay defends herself (again). Then Charlize comes in, just to thank them for how spectacular the dinner was. Would have been nice if she’d done that when Beverly was still there, but OK.

The next morning Chris tells the other boys he doesn’t want to do a group challenge, no offense. For real. I’m getting tired of those. Grayson says she needs to step up.

Padma is wearing a terrible brown and white plaid dress that looks like a flannel shirt. Like, she bought a men’s flannel shirt that is long enough to cover her ass and she’s wearing it like a dress. That can’t be what it is, but that’s what it looks like. Also Emeril and Cat Cora. Did we get transported to Food Network and I didn’t notice? Oh, yes, Cat is co-hosting Bravo’s new show. So, new cooking show, “Around the World in 80 Plates”, co-host is Curtis Stone. Apparently it’s “Amazing Race” crossed with “Top Chef” somehow. It sounds like a show I made up, while combining my favorite shows. I hope it turns out to be actually good. Anyway, that’s why Cat is here. Padma “divides” them into teams of two, Grayson/Chris, Ed/Paul, and Sarah/Lindsay. I feel this is how they would have divided themselves. Now that Beverly is gone there’s no need to engineer drama, apparently. For your Quickfire, you will prepare a dish with the ingredients in front of you. In 40 minutes you must: peel, devein, and butterfly two pounds of shrimp; shuck a crate of corn; make a pound of fettuccini; AND cook something. The judges must approve your work. No immunity, but winners get $10,000. I think that’s total not each.

I feel kind of sad Tom isn’t here. He’s always here to judge the mise en place relay race. This is close enough. Everyone immediately makes pasta because the dough has to rest. OK, Padma’s dress, while not terribly attractive, I don’t think is actually a shirt. (But I just read Hugh’s blog and he thought the exact same thing: it’s a men’s flannel shirt. Hugh, you are awesome. I take back what I said before when you were competing.) Grayson talks to Emeril, and Lindsay says Grayson’s talking slows her down. Whatever, Emeril started it. Lindsay is good on shrimp. Chris is cutting the corn off the cobs, which is not shucking it, PADMA. He’s irritated that Grayson is bugging him to hurry up. Paul asks to check the corn, but he’s not cleaned the cobs enough. Chris finishes though. Grayson’s pasta is not coming out right. Sarah gets her pasta done, which means she and Lindsay are edging out Ed and Paul for first place. Sadly the girls get done first and start cooking. Ed and Paul finish with 1o minutes to cook. Grayson finally gets her pasta done, and the judges check it and approve it. Even though they’ve been talking about how her pasta is not good. Sarah and Lindsay are actually finished plating with like a minute left, and they’re tasting their dish and high-fiving each other. Ed and Paul forget to put their shrimp on the plate. Oops. Paul is upset because he says every time he and Ed are on a team together, it’s a disaster.

Grayson and Chris: fettuccini, toasted corn, oil-poached shrimp, chili, bacon, and rosemary. Sarah and Lindsay: fettuccini with corn milk, shrimp, tarragon, and parsley. Ed and Paul: Paul immediately says he forgot the shrimp, before they eat anything. Padma says the flavor’s really nice though. Grayson celebrates, which is weird. She’s gloating a lot, but I thought she liked Ed and Paul?

So, Ed and Paul can’t win. Sarah and Lindsay had a nice dish, although the tarragon was kind of overwhelming. Grayson’s pasta actually turned out well, and they managed to pull it off. And then suddenly Grayson and Chris win which I was not expecting. Sarah complains that her pasta was better, and I really hope she tried Grayson’s pasta. Although I’m sure it’s possible she’s just assuming it sucks. Sarah blames their loss on the fact that Cat doesn’t like tarragon.

Elimination Challenge: cook against your partner. I knew it was coming. Some of the product placement companies are sponsoring a community food drive. Why these companies can’t just donate some of their food, as they are FOOD COMPANIES, I don’t know. Anyway, they’re having a block party for 200 people. Are some of these 200 people the people that will benefit from the food drive? I think we know the answer to that. Each “team” will be making two different versions of the same dish, so it will be a real head-to-head battle. The diners will vote on who is up for elimination.

In an interesting twist, the pairs can decide what dish and what side they’d like to make, although they have to decide right now. So they can agree on something they’re both good at? That would be cool. Grayson says they’ll only have two hours to cook, and she is cursing the judges. Ed and Paul are like, Asian Showdown! Grayson suggests chicken salad sandwiches, which are not Chris’s favorite but he doesn’t have any other ideas. So they are making chicken salad and watermelon salad. Ed and Paul’s Asian Showdown will be Asian beef BBQ with pickled vegetables. Sarah and Lindsay are making meatballs and vegetable salads. Padma is like, oh that sounds good, but heavy. Chicken salad sounds heavy? So then there’s more healthy product placement, and you know what? Those frozen meals they keep pushing? You pay an extra dollar to get the ones that say “Top Chef”. Also all the other meals from that brand were on sale at the store today, except the official Top Chef ones. So…bite me. Everything has to be healthy. Ed is like, all Asian food is healthy, we got this. Winner gets $15,000.

In the past we’ve had “healthy” challenges before, and I think that the only one where it actually mattered if the dish was actually healthy was the first one, and that’s only because the one team added sugar to their cookies and the other team got pissed about it. I think it might have been Season 2? Anyway, Sarah wonders if Lindsay’s lamb and veal is healthier than her turkey, and it probably won’t matter in the end. Paul bought turkey, which makes Ed nervous. Really Ed thinks Paul is going to pull something out of his ass. Grayson stands at the meat counter haranguing the guys to hurry up so she can check out. Chris looks down his nose at the mayo Grayson has bought, but chicken salad without mayo is kind of gross.

Ed gives Paul some crap for being nervous and pacing all night. They will have 2.5 hours to cook, so that’s something. Chris makes mayo out of tofu. OK, that’s a good substitute for mayo. Lindsay is giving Sarah orders, I think about how to wash the mixer or something. Ed’s using kimchi and chipotles to replace ketchup. Paul has wisely picked lettuce wraps, because I think the average person will think anything is healthy when wrapped in lettuce. Ed and Paul reveal they’ve never been to a block party. I haven’t either. I mean, I understand the concept, I just have never been to one. Antisocial. With 5 minutes left, Chris is assembling his sandwiches while Grayson is still chopping things. That shot from the preview of Chris throwing a chair is because the chair is in his way, as he tries to wrap up the hot box. Not because he’s pissed at anyone in particular.

45 minutes on site. Someone did not plan well, because the site seems to be infested with bees. Grayson is going to make sandwiches to order, and Ed is making bread for 200. That might not have been the best idea. I get Grayson’s thought, though, so they don’t get soggy. Ed has decided to have people make their own sandwiches, but he was planning on open-faced sandwiches and of course he is worried about running out of bread because when faced with bread and meat, most people take two pieces of bread. Grayson has a long line but she is promising everyone it’s worth the wait. Chris is really freaking out about the bees, because he’s allergic. I’m not sure what he can do though, because it’s hot out and the back table seems to be covered in pieces of fruit and probably fruit juice.

The judges come in with bags of food that I’m sure they purchased on their own with their own money. Also, Dana Cowin is a judge today? When Emeril is also here? Why? Whatever. Paul: turkey kalbi, eggplant with white peach kimchi. Ed: open face kalbi, kimchi chipotle puree, pickled cucumber and daikon. Kalbi is Korean BBQ that is usually made with short ribs as Ed did. Paul had great flavor, but Cat says her beef from Ed is a little chewy. The bread seems to have gotten dry. Grayson: chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat buns, with arugula, pickled red onion, and feta watermelon salad with pumpkin seeds. Chris: chicken salad sandwich with tofu “mayo” and red lettuce, watermelon fruit salad with pineapple ice. Grayson’s making to order turned out well for her, but it doesn’t have a lot of flavor. Chris’s sandwich and salad tasted better, but his bread is drying out. Sarah: Calabrese style turkey meatball and vegetable salad. Calabrese style I guess means there is a southern Italian tomato sauce. Lindsay: Mediterranean meatball, lemon yogurt, black-eyed peas and quinoa Greek salad. Sarah’s meatballs are good and her salad is flavorful. Dana, however, didn’t get anything good in her salad so she’s not as thrilled. Cat thought Lindsay’s food would be heavy but it’s great and tastes wonderful. People start voting, and of course everyone is getting votes so who knows.

Commercial interlude: people curse because they believe Paul has lucky socks. There is a small discussion about which socks are luckier, and Paul reveals that he has several pairs of these socks that everyone thinks are his “lucky” socks. Heh. See, that is a good commercial interlude: something completely random that is amusing but not important to the show.

Padma calls Grayson, Paul, and Lindsay. These are the winners. Nice. Paul’s peach kimchi was fantastic. They praise Grayson for making her sandwiches to order, and then Tom is like, did you think you would win with a chicken salad sandwich? She thought it was possible, but obviously not, if Tom is asking her this question. Tom thinks it’s boring. He says that she’s up against dishes that are potentially more interesting than hers, and Grayson says, “Like a MEATBALL?!” Burn. She insists she was going to do an elevated chicken salad sandwich, but she obviously feels that meatballs are boring too. Tom just smiles and nods. Lindsay had perfect seasoning and the yogurt was great. Paul wins, of course, because he wins all the time. And he has his lucky socks on. Grayson looks pissed, but even if you think chicken salad is more interesting than meatballs, I’m not sure you can make the same argument about Korean barbeque.

The minute everyone is gone, Grayson says she feels “brutalized” and that she has noted that the judges want to do more. No mention of how she told the judges Lindsay’s dish was lame. Ed thinks using bread would be better than rice’s “empty calories”, but Padma tells him bread is also empty calories. Not true. Plus the rest of the dish was not perfect. He trimmed his short ribs, so they’d be healthy, but then the fat was the best part of the short ribs. Chris talks about how his dish was healthier than Grayson’s, and Tom agrees with him on that, but because he made the sandwiches the day before all the bread dried out. Sarah tried to be healthier, but she used cheese for some reason. Plus she didn’t give Dana all the different vegetables.

Chris says he doesn’t want to go home, only he curses every other word. Ed points out that every time Chris thinks he’s going home, someone else goes home. Obviously, or Chris wouldn’t still be there. None of the dishes were lost causes. Sarah’s meatball was very good, just not as good as Lindsay’s. Chris really went healthy for his dish, but everything was dry and bland. Tom doesn’t think he can execute. Ed’s short ribs were dry and they seem irritated about his making bread instead of using rice? I think they feel their intelligence was insulted.

Tom reminds everyone about what he just talked about, and tells them the details have really started to matter with only 6 people left. Chris is sent home. He’ll miss being here. Grayson decides it’s her fault because she suggested chicken salad. Probably not, but way to make it about yourself. Chris is glad to go home to Moto and tells the chefs left not to let Paul win a record-setting amount of money.

Next week: Pee Wee Herman. Heads are hung in shame and/or embarrassment. And then…everyone gets bikes and has to find ingredients? There is following? Pee Wee seems to be fairly entertaining.

Last Chance Kitchen: Chris stands around in the house kitchen, claiming to not have understood “kitchen” meant “Top Chef kitchen”. He talks to the honey bear, which hilariously has angry eyebrows drawn in with a marker. Hee. Chris says Beverly is a nice person but not particularly intimidating. Chris goes to the right kitchen, where the peanut gallery greets him. There are several long glances and declarations of feeling between Chris and Richie. Tom lets us in on an important detail: next week’s winner will be re-entering the competition. Huh. So, they’ll get down to the final four and then put them back in. The challenge: use everything in the mystery box. And in all the mystery boxes we decide to throw at you, whenever we decide to throw them at you. So it’s like Chopped. Or MasterChef. 30 minutes. The first box contains marshmallows, pine nuts, parsnips, buttermilk, lamb chops, and something that Chris describes but I have absolutely no idea what he says. Ah, the camera guy shows me it is cinnamon. Beverly refuses to play the “explain things to the peanut gallery” game. See, this is why they don’t like you. I’m not saying they weren’t bitches, but…it’s not like the producers didn’t force them to ask you. Dakota appears with a box of radicchio. Ty-Lor suddenly shouts “It’s Mom vs. Dad, let’s see who’s the better parent”. That was hilarious for some reason. Heather brings out white anchovies. Yum. Chris is frying them, I think. Richie tells Chris they cook with marshmallows all the time, which earns him the bird. Beverly: grilled lamb chop with parsnips, curry, radicchio and white anchovy vinaigrette. I think the marshmallows are in the sauce? Tom never asks. Chris: grilled lamb chop with a sweet puree, radicchio salad with pancetta, pine nuts, and apple. Beverly’s dish was nicely put together, not too sweet. Chris did the same thing. Well cooked lamb and good combinations. One didn’t quite hit the mark well, and that was Chris. Beverly’s celebration is much more subdued today. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/19/12--"Patterning for Piggy" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make ball gowns for a night at the opera. Austin wisely pointed out that an opera gown is not the same thing as a red carpet gown. He was the favorite, and he ended up winning, naturally. His dress was actually very good. Michael managed to make a dramatic gown but did not win. Sweet P made a weird empire waist gown that I saw compared to a traditional Korean gown but the print was ugly and the top looked like a swimsuit so she went home. (click for more)

Andrea tells everyone they must create “a flamboyant cocktail dress” for a celebrity, blah blah, we already know who it is because you spoiled it last week. Also having a flat screen with Miss Piggy on it is weak sauce. I demand scrim shadows. Everyone laughs without thinking about the logistics of this. Anthony says “I’m going to get to design a dress for a Muppet” and I can’t tell if he’s thrilled or irritated. The winner will have the dress modified “for Miss Piggy’s figure”. I mean, obviously they will have to make a smaller version. But do they have to design for a plus sized person? Also she will be there to judge. Why couldn’t she be there now then? They have the rest of the day.

Sketching begins, and for some reason I’m irritated they are pretending this is a serious challenge. Mila is going “classic”. At least some people discuss their kids/nieces/nephews being thrilled. Austin is going with a “pink bow concept”. Gordana is also going pink and is noticing others are going black. Seriously, you need to make up some crazy shit for this.

Gordana thinks everyone is going for structure, but she is staying true to herself and going for youthful and “the family side”. Whatever that means. Everyone seems very serious. Rami is picking out accessories for some reason, now, and Mondo claims the pink satin gloves from his workstation. He and Kara fight about it. Well, Mondo shouts “I want the pink gloves, don’t take them” and Kara says “can I take the pink gloves” and Mondo says “whatever, I don’t want to fight about it, take the damn gloves”.

I don’t know why this challenge is irritating me. I mean, obviously there is a person or persons who are responsible for Miss Piggy’s “style”. I don’t know. Rami has polka dots. Anthony talks about being a lady. April is focused so she won’t be in the bottom two anymore. I am sure you will be shocked to know Kenly is doing retro. Mila interviews that SOME people are DESPERATE for other people’s approval, but SHE is not like that.

Joanna time! OK…that doesn’t sound half bad. Gordana has a short dress but the top is floaty and has ruffles or rosettes along the neckline. Joanna is feeling nightgown which is bad. Gordana is going for comfort, and Joanna basically says that celebrities will do anything, up to and including a saran wrap corset, to look good. Comfort is not important here. Mila is making a headband, and Joanna reminds her she is designing for a pig and ears are involved. See this is what I’m talking about. YOU ARE DESIGNING FOR A MUPPET. I think Kenley has pink cow print and a turquoise shawl thing. Austin feels a kindred spirit with Miss Piggy, with the random French phrases and the fashion. True. He is making a giant ass bow. I bet it won’t matter. Who else are you going to make a giant ass bow for? Mondo has a fabulous print, as he usually does, and is going 60’s. Joanna tells him to keep focused.

Models show up with one hour left. Mila’s fitting a muslin sleeve, but the rest of the dress is off and this is not good. Gordana’s dress is very loose and shapeless, but maybe she’ll make it work. Mondo doesn’t like the way his dress is going, but he’s almost out of time. Kenley is still yelling to Kara about her top. Mila thinks they are co-dependent. Yeah, maybe they are. But I think it’s early enough it might be OK. Also what do you care?

Apartment time seems to be slap-happy. Anthony quotes Oprah. Actually they all seem to be getting along which is a nice thing to see.

The day of the show, everyone is frantically working. Some things never change. Anthony says he was going to eat some bacon this morning but felt conflicted. Hee. Austin is horrified and says Anthony had better not admit to it on the runway. 2 hours for hair and makeup. Kara apparently stacked up accessories somewhere and didn’t label them. I’m not sure how that happened, but Austin has them now. He gives them back with a huge sigh and says this is the second time she’s stolen his accessories. Kenley thinks she will win. They let Austin quote the Muppet Show opening.

Isaac isn’t here, but Eric Daman is here. He designs for Gossip Girl. And Miss Piggy. Michael: a very short sheath dress, strapless, with big stiff loops down one side. And giant loops on her head. It’s shiny. Exposed zipper GAH. April: short flouncy black dress with an inverted skirt (like a big peplum and then it gets narrower). The top has a deep V with an inset panel in a contrasting print. Feathers along the armholes. It’s cute. Jerell: short pink dress with a mullet hem and a ruffle on the hem. The top has illusion netting and jewels and fuzzy shoulders. But it doesn’t fit right, it’s all baggy around her waist. Kara: short tight black dress with a cutout. Like, it’s a bikini top and then a high-waisted skirt with hot pink piping on the seams. The hot pink gloves…I guess they go. Eh. Kenley: a full circle skirt and a strapless top, with a weird deep cleft in the middle. As though she has ears on her boobs. It’s a pink giraffe print and there are petticoats and a white belt and a giant huge piece of netting on her head. Thank God she got rid of the turquoise shawl. The skirt is good but I hate the top. Anthony: black dress with a boat neck and no sleeves, and a mullet hem. The top is sheer over her shoulders, and there is a bunch of flowers or something going on on her chest but it’s all dark so I can’t tell what it is. The sheer has stripes in it.

Rami: a short flamenco dress in pink polka dots. There’s a ruffle along her shoulders and the neckline, and a flower, and then it’s fitted until just above her knees where there’s another ruffle. It really does look like a flamenco dress, just not floor length. You know what this would have been good for? A Barbie challenge. Mila: short black and white mod dress. She’s back to the color blocking, but all in black and white, with stripes on the sleeves and random white rectangles. Blah. Gordana: short dusty rose dress with a lot of rosettes along the neckline and shoulders. There is a slight mullet hem, and the hem is sewn strangely so it sits weird. It’s pretty shapeless. Austin: very fitted sheath dress, in gray with a dark pink panel down the front. There are big bows over each hip, and the bodice is gray with pink bra cups. I would not have though it was Austin’s dress, and it certainly doesn’t looks like anyone else’s. Mondo: very shiny pink dress, with a miniskirt and a high crew neck and little cap sleeves. I think there are two tiers to the skirt? As if she wore a tunic over a miniskirt.

Austin for some reason is dressed like a male flamenco dancer, with the wide flat hat and ruffled shirt and thin bow at the neck and jacket. Austin, Rami, Gordana, Kenley, Mila, and Michael are the top and bottom. Austin’s dress is well made, but his pink is too dark. It’s not happy. Eric starts talking about how on a real woman, hip bows are a bad thing, but seriously this man is wearing his shirt unbuttoned halfway down his chest and then a necktie tied normally inside the shirt. I cannot take anything he says seriously. Miss Piggy asks if you could hula hoop in the dress. Sigh. Rami wanted a festive print and something that would move a lot. Angela wonders if the “average” woman could wear this dress successfully, but Georgina likes that he went for it. Eric makes a dumb comment about “Parisian hog couture”. Shut up. Miss Piggy loves it, although it is garish and outlandish. Gordana wanted to bring happiness, but this dress might be too understated. It’s a nice dress, but maybe not for Miss Piggy. Michael kisses everyone’s ass but Georgina likes his dress and the exposed zipper. Sigh. But it’s very dark, and maybe he could use some pink accessories. Miss Piggy thinks it looks like a present. Mila’s dress really needs some color. It’s graphic, but this was a challenge where she pretty much was required to use color. Kenley wanted her dress to say “This movie is fun, I’m in it….I’m fabulous…” Yeah. The color is great, but the top causes concern. Kenley says it has boning and then reveals that it is upholstery fabric. Who wants to wear upholstery fabric? Georgina says it looks like she’s about to fall out of it. There is a stupid conversation between Miss Piggy and shirtless loser about her ears and hats.

Austin’s dress was flamboyant but not classy. Plus shiny satin is not flattering. I am noticing that in the shots of all four judges, Miss Piggy is not moving at all. The only shots of her moving and talking are solitary shots. Mila’s dress is retro but Goth which is not Miss Piggy. Georgina thinks she made something from a collection of hers but she didn’t meet the challenge. They didn’t like Gordana’s shade of pink. Kenley’s bust construction looks like it will fall down any second. Rami’s dress is fun and attention-getting, which is not a bad thing here. Oh, now she’s moving in the full shot. He made a dress that probably would not work for any other challenge. Michael let himself down in the styling, although his dress was great. And he made a top hat, which is weird. Eric makes a dumb comment and gets smacked. The girls laugh, because the man just got shown by a Muppet.

Kenley is safe. Miss Piggy makes a big deal about the dramatic pause, and then declares Michael the winner. Eh. He’s super thrilled though. Rami is in. Austin is in. Gordana’s dress didn’t stand out enough. Mila’s dress didn’t fit the client. Mila is safe. Gordana is looking forward to going back home and being more creative. She says she would love to tell everyone it’s never too late to follow your own dreams.

Next week: Diane von Furstenberg! They have 6 hours to make something. I guess just any dress? The time is the important thing. Well some of them have made dresses in less time, I’m sure. You know, when people freak out and start over at the end of a challenge. They should have no problem. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 1/18/12--"Fit for an Evil Queen" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Restaurant Wars. The women continued to gang up on Beverly, and I guess she’s kind of annoying, but you aren’t her mother, SARAH. And she can cook. The women’s restaurant had better food (if crappy service) and Beverly was the winner of that challenge. The men sort of did OK, but in the end Ty-Lor didn’t season any of his dishes and ended up going home. (click for more)

In Last Chance Kitchen, Nyesha continues her reign. They had to make desserts, and in the end Nyesha wins again. Which is good because apparently Nyesha and Ty-Lor got into it after like, the first episode, so Nyesha had two people she wanted to beat: Heather and Ty-Lor. And now she has.

Sarah bitches that Lindsay should have won instead of Beverly because she held them together. You didn’t seem to think so when you told her you’d go talk to the judges if she couldn’t handle it. Whatever. Tom shows up in the Stew Room to tell them they’re going back to San Antonio. Whatever also.

In the car Chris says he’s done different things every time. He seems irritated. Also the boys know full well the girls are mad Beverly won. Cut to the girls’ car, where everyone is sitting in silence. Bev knows what is up, and she says she won fair and square. Lindsay complains about how hard it was to set up the room and brief the servers and so forth. She tells us she was justified in being a bitch to Beverly because “it was needed to keep us on the top”. Really? Is that really what you want to say on television? Bullying is totally OK if it means your team wins. Ugh. Sarah talks about being close to the final four, even though there are still seven people left. She “truly believes” she belongs there. False. Paul says competition is heating up.

Eric Ripert! He’s cool. Also there is a conveyer belt. Ed doesn’t know what it means, except that he’s positive it’s going to suck for them. Heh. Padma says this is about quick thinking. The Quickfire is about using 30 minutes to make a dish, and also using the moving conveyor belt. you must pick 3 ingredients from the belt and use them in the dish. If you wait, you could get something you want, but then you have less time to cook. Interesting. Winner gets immunity.

There seem to be junk food items like Pop Rocks. Lindsay runs to get staples because right now she doesn’t see anything on the belt she wants. Ed takes macadamia nuts and makes a nut pun. And now he has sauerkraut. Huh. Chris is making generic food? That will go with a lot of different things? He specifically says he’s not taking Pop Rocks, and I would think that’s right up his alley. Grayson is making a white wine carrot sauce and hoping some fish shows up on the belt. A whole pail of lobsters goes by, but before Chris can get to it, it disappears into the back. He stands around until he realizes they took it off the belt. Hee. That’s pretty evil. Paul gets frustrated and takes saffron, bread, and bitter melon. He says that no matter how you prepare bitter melon, it’s always a little bitter. Duh. Chris stands around and curses because of course, the lobster has been removed but the Oreos and Pop Rocks are still there. Sarah takes saltines because she’s worried it’s a trick and there won’t be any awesome ingredients at the last minute. Someone in the back has a warped and awesome sense of humor, because a cameraman catches the bucket of lobsters going around again. As Chris is too late to get them again. Bev ends up with Rice Krispies, black eyed peas, and tofu. Bleh. Some nice person hollers at Chris about the lobsters, and he just barely manages to snatch one out of the pail as it’s disappearing. I kind of wish there was a PA back there fighting him for the bucket. You’d see their hand on the bucket, smacking Chris so he’ll drop the lobster. Lindsay is still standing around with like 9 minutes left. But she gets clams and grouper, and decides on bouillabaisse. For Eric Ripert. Lots of frantic running around. Time is called, and then Bev suddenly drops her head in her hands. The Rice Krispies are in a pan next to her plate. Ouch.

Ed: sauerkraut soup, shrimp, and shaved truffle. And macadamia nuts somewhere. Chris: butter poached lobster with foie gras. Cauliflower with milk and vanilla? I don’t know. Grayson: butter poached Dover sole with Goldfish, rosemary, and grapefruit. Paul: mussels in ginger and bitter melon broth. Sarah: fried soft shell crab and cottage cheese sauce, shaved artichoke salad. Lindsay: bouillabaisse with grouper and clams, and fennel-Pernod broth. Beverly: glazed sockeye salmon and black-eyed peas. She has to admit she didn’t get the Rice Krispies on the plate. They ask to taste them anyway, and tell her it’s nice. Ed says she should have cheated and just thrown them in the air and hoped they hit the plate. Oh please, you’d be the first person to bitch about her cheating if she did.

Eric says Chris’s dish didn’t come together, Grayson’s grapefruit zest was too overwhelming, and Paul didn’t get the bitterness out of his bitter melon. Sarah did well with her cottage cheese, Lindsay’s flavors complimented each other, and Beverly did a good job with her tofu. Padma rubs it in and says if she had gotten the Rice Krispies on the plate, she would have won “by a mile”. That sucks. So instead, Lindsay wins immunity. Bleh. She’s pissed, though, because Eric and Padma basically told her that her dish wasn’t the best. Well too bad.

For the Elimination challenge, everyone must make a dish “fit for a queen”. Chris begins guessing queens: “The Queen of England? Queen Latifah?” Oo, they should get Queen Latifah on this show. Maybe it’s RuPaul. Sadly it is Charlize Theron. She is in one of the Snow White movies coming out this year. Actually the Queen in the other movie is Julia Roberts, so either of those two would be awesome. Sarah has another fangirl moment like she did earlier. She explains that this movie is “epic” and “darker”, and that the Queen in this movie is basically a serial killer. Nice. Each dish in this feast must be “gothic” and “wickedly beautiful”.

They don’t show menu planning, so hopefully this won’t be a team challenge. During shopping Paul says he’s making an “enchanted forest” and I have a flashback to Hung and his cereal landscape or whatever the fuck that was. Grayson is getting violent I guess. Sarah is finding red wine for risotto. Beverly shoves around Grayson, and Grayson interviews that Beverly isn’t loud, but then all of a sudden she’s all up in your grill and you’re running into her. Grayson calls her a “bulldog” and seems to respect it, which is a nice change. Lindsay is making scallops and short ribs and dragon beans, whatever those are.

Back at the house, Ed is suggesting he throw pig’s blood on everyone. Is he serious? With Ed there’s always that little part of him that sounds like he’s serious. Chris is getting into his dish and waving his hands around. He gets a phone call home, which normally would be a sign he was doomed, but they don’t always do that anymore. Paul asks everyone sitting around if they’re comfortable with “the plan”, which seems to be a list of ways to be respectful, not taking things, asking for things you need, etc. Lindsay says Beverly grabs things without asking or whatever, and Paul says to play nice. Sarah says “No wicked games tomorrow”. My head is going to explode if I think about that any more.

2 hours to cook. Ed is making a black sauce and a white sauce. Interesting. Paul says he has 14 components to make. Then he tells us that Beverly is making halibut, and he thinks it’s because she wants to show Lindsay she can cook it when she can do it her way and not Lindsay’s way. Paul says some of the other chefs underestimate Beverly, and that she has the most cooking experience of anyone left in the competition. It’s nice to see people respecting their fellow contestants. Lindsay’s dish is sort of stolen from Michelle Bernstein. Sarah is cooking lamb heart, which I have to admit is a good dish for the evil Queen from Snow White. Grayson is cooking black chicken, and she is realizing the heads are attached, and that they can get dry easily. Chris looks like he’s stuffing things into an apple and then covering it in pastry, which I think would be cool if done well. Paul burns something so he trashes that part of his dish. The judges show up (Eric and Emeril) and Charlize says if she was making a “wicked” dish, she would just make whatever and put poison in it.

Ed: tuna tartare with black garlic ponzu, and Asian pear vinaigrette. There are fried fish scales on top for spikes. The sauces taste great together. Tom says when you combine good and evil you get a politician. Paul is putting bloody handprints on his plates. Nice. Paul: foie gras with bacon, pumpernickel, pickled cherries, and beets. All the food is over on one side, around the edge of the plate, and then a big red handprint in the middle. Actually it looks cool. Eric is a little worried about hands on the plates. It all comes together and it’s fantastic. Beverly: seared halibut with red curry coulis and forbidden black rice. She says Snow White is the halibut, prevailing against blackness. Or something. They love it and the fish is perfect.

Lindsay: seared scallop over “witch’s stew”, which is braised short rib and dragon beans. It has blackening spices in it, which smell great. Plus they love the dragon beans. Sarah: amarone risotto with lamb heart. Amarone is the wine. It’s flavorful and the heart is delicious. Although I must say, and only partially because I don’t like Sarah, her plate is the least appetizing looking. Risotto cooked in red wine ends up kind of dark brown. Lumpy dark brown. Grayson: black chicken with beets, quail egg, and foie gras. She wanted the beets to look like blood (which they do) and then she says the quail egg represents “the baby she had inside her when she was slaughtered.” Ew. They do love the presentation, and the taste doesn’t disappoint. Chris: poisoned apple and cherry pie. So, he cored the apples, stuffed them with cherries, and then covered the end in pastry and baked them. Also there are Rice Krispy “maggots”, gummi worms, and some apple powder frozen in liquid nitrogen so it smokes. This is where the crazy molecular gastronomy works. It’s smoking, and baked apples always get wrinkled and look brown and old and questionable, and then when you cut it open, bright red cherries ooze out everywhere. Awesome.

Tom says this is the most exciting meal they’ve had this season, and Eric responds that this is one of the best meals he’s had on this show. They’re going to be nitpicking to get rid of someone. Charlize asks if she gets the head of the loser on a silver platter. Heh.

Commercial interlude: making music with pots and containers of nuts and whatever random shit is lying around. Like small children.

Padma collects everyone, for a change. Nice. Eric isn’t here, for some reason. Boo. Tom praises all of them, as does Charlize. Various judges praise everyone, actually, since they all had really good dishes. Charlize says that they were impressed by everyone, but the winner is Paul. Nice. He gets two tickets to the world premiere of the movie, and he’s impressed that he won with such tough competition. Padma tells Ed, Lindsay, and Chris that they’re also safe, so they can take off.

Everyone has done well, but someone has to go home. Tom starts by telling them they should put all their dishes on their menus back home, and Grayson is shaking her head. Hee. Charlize liked Sarah’s presentation, but she says the first bite was salty. Tom also says the risotto was a touch undercooked. Sarah begs for her spot and says she loves food and she lives food and whatever. Beverly used arrowroot to thicken the sauce and it got a little sticky. Tom says she should have served on hot plates. Beverly says she wanted her dish to be elegant and not grotesque. She also begs for her spot and says she’s doing this for her family and gets choked up. Tom asks Grayson how a girl from Wisconsin comes up with crazy things like bloody black chicken. The greens were a little salty, and the egg was hard to handle. Also the foie gras was just kind of thrown on there. Grayson tells the judges she went all out on the theme, and how Beverly said she wanted to go elegant. She pauses, and then drops it. Was she going to talk about how grotesque is better than elegant, but then realized she didn’t want to attack Beverly to save herself? She could have done pasta or risotto, but she didn’t so let’s hope they see that. I find it interesting that Grayson was the one person last episode defending Beverly, and yet today, Sarah isn’t the one saying disparaging things about other people at Judges’ Table.

Grayson made some clear mistakes, but her presentation was fantastic and she took a risk. Beverly had a well-balanced dish, although it didn’t look wicked or dark. Plus the sauce had a weird texture. Sarah’s risotto was undercooked and had too much cheese. That’s really about all they have to say.

Everyone made good dishes, but someone has to go home. And that person is Beverly. Dammit. It’s telling that Bev turns to Grayson, who hugs her, while Sarah starts walking out of the room without her. And she could have had immunity! Damn Rice Krispies! She’s glad she showed people how strong she was, in addition to how well she cooks. According to Tom’s blog, it came down to the theme. Beverly just didn’t do as well fitting the theme as the other two.

Next week: head to head battles, Cat Cora, Grayson gets bitchy. Fun!

Last Chance Kitchen: why do we have to watch all of people’s bitchy nonsense? OK, good. That’s over. Nyesha is feeling confident. I don’t know who to root for. Tom asks the peanut gallery who will win, and Heather immediately says Nyesha. Tom calls her on it, because Tom is awesome, and says they’ve had some history so…it’s an unfinished sentence but clearly Tom doesn’t care what she thinks. No one thinks Bev will win, but she believes in herself. Today’s challenge: 30 minutes to cook with black drum, which is a local fish. They will have one chance to get food and equipment from the pantry. So plan ahead. They both load up (true to what people said earlier Beverly totally gets in Nyesha’s way at the fridge) and head back to start cooking. Tom comes running back in like the place is on fire and orders them to stop and switch ingredients with each other. Heh. Nyesha is pissed, partially because Bev has already dredged her whole fish in cornstarch. And covered the whole station in cornstarch. Beverly has a plan, while Nyesha is not interested in Beverly’s ingredients. With 6 minutes left, Beverly hasn’t even filleted her fish yet, which is a problem. And now her pan is so hot it’s a weird color. And now she’s pouring out her oil into the grill? What? That is so unsafe. Both girls put their fish in the pan at the same time and the peanut gallery is freaking out. Beverly: seared black drum with oranges, fennel, and black olives. Nyesha: seared black drum with julienne of tri-pepper, slaw, and pineapple chutney. They both did an excellent job, and it comes down to seasoning. And whose dish was under seasoned? Nyesha HOLY CRAP NYESHA?! Wow. Beverly shrieks, as the peanut gallery is obviously pissed off. Nyesha says Bev deserves it as much as the next person, but she wanted it more. So Nyesha got to beat the two people she wanted to, and Beverly wins and I’m sure it irks Heather something fierce. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/12/12--"A Night at the Opera" summary

Previously on Project Runway: A gang of people we’d all seen before showed up and were thrown feet-first into making clothes from the dollar store. Rami tried to prove that he had moved beyond draping by making a strange structural dress that was very impractical but pretty much screamed “FASHION” so he won. Elisa, love her, but a weird tube top and hot pants and wings are not really good. So she’s already gone. But everyone seems to have some level of respect for each other and it’s good to see most of them. The only one that I was not terribly happy to see was Kenley and she really didn’t say anything. (click for more)

Angela tells everyone they made it past the first week, and now it’s all about “high end glamour” and show stopping ball gowns. The guest judges get to come out now, who are Badgley and Mischka, and basically say exactly what Angela said. Design a gown for the opera with a “true couture touch”. Everyone thinks Austin will win. They will have one day. Mondo is slightly worried.

30 minutes to sketch. However, Mondo never designs before he shops. He just goes and lets the fabric speak to him. I miss Tim at Mood. Kenley buys pink. April is buying “off-blood red”. Michael starts talking about red too, and apparently Michael asks if she’s going to use red, and she’s like, yeah. That’s why there’s red fabric here. April interviews “If you want to do red, do fucking red.” Michael makes it sound like she’s copying him, but I doubt it. I like April’s comment. Who cares, indeed. Michael tells the employee that he’s not doing red because SOMEONE ELSE is doing red and he’s losing it. OK, drama queen. He buys black matte jersey. That’s elegant. Look, I have nothing against jersey, just that I don’t think of it when I think “couture gown for the opera”.

Kara thinks everyone has realized their competition is good and they’re buckling down. April dyes her red. Several people are worried for her. Michael still works quickly. Austin would hate to lose.

Joanna shows up to investigate. Kenley says she likes that Joanna is the mentor, and pretends it has nothing to do with how she was a bitch to Tim when she was on the show before. Rami has some triangles. Austin knows everyone expects him to win, so he’s kind of nervous about it. Gordana thinks it shouldn’t be a big deal for him. He is making something with gold lamé. April has a very ambitious plan which better work because there is no Plan B. Michael has some like, feathers, or something. Joanna asks if he is making cups for the top, I guess because that helps to prevent nip slips. See, Tim would never have asked that. Kara has some pastels, which is a problem. Joanna tells her so, and I think she might cry which is so sad. Sweet P has a floral thing. Anthony has white, but he promises it will be too sexy to feel bridal.

Rami tries to tell us he’s only human and it’s nice to get some approval. Sweet P has a lot of work to do. Kara still has her pastels. Mondo thinks she’s the weakest, because she doubts herself too much. Yeah. Anthony is wearing a T-shirt that says “Thank you Mood!” Where can we get those? Austin thinks Michael’s dress is too “celebrity” and not enough “socialite”. Interesting. Which will the judges respond to more? Michael still has plenty of work to do.

In the apartment everyone complains about the lack of time and how you can’t make “couture” in one day. Anthony thinks it’s insulting to the world of couture to use that word, so we’ll just call it “really, really, really pumped-up prom dresses”. Hee. Kara confides in Kenley, which saddens me, but then she confides in Austin too so that’s good.

Everyone comes in the next day and freaks out about how much work is left. Trash talking others. Hot makeup guy. I want him to say his name and flirt with Rami. Jerell thinks his model looks like “mo fo money!”

Kenley: it’s pink. It’s a bubble-gum pink ball gown with one tier and a bodice that is hidden by a giant floppy bow that is pink with black polka dots. Jeez. Gordana: long periwinkle dress with a sequined (beaded?) halter top and a skirt that seems to have inset panels in a lighter shade. It’s not flattering at all, because it just highlights where her legs are and the top of the skirt is tight…it’s not good. Rami: off the shoulder dress in a deep pink, almost a red. The bodice is fitted until her hips, right under her butt, and the skirt is pleated where it meets the bodice. The top is all pieced together and looks interesting. It just ends at an unflattering spot. Mila: black sparkly tight dress with a swath of tulle over one shoulder. And sparkly shoes. It’s not exciting, but it’s not bad. Sweet P: halter top in coral and a empire waisted skirt in a coordinating floral print. Oh, it’s bad. It’s not evening and I always think an empire waist makes one look pregnant and it doesn’t look good for Sweet P. Honey, she does not look like Cinderella. Mondo: shiny, shiny silver cocktail dress with a miniskirt and a tail. The train attaches to her butt and drags on the ground, but the skirt is a miniskirt. And she has over the elbow white gloves.

Jerell: empire waist gown with a print and a black bodice with illusion netting. I think the bodice has feathers. It seems fuzzy. The print is a subtle spotted “animal” print that isn’t as bad as the prints we’ve seen so far. The back is sheer. Kara: empire waist strapless gown in a pastel floral print with a black thin belt. You know what it reminds me of? And I hate to say this, but my prom dress was from Laura Ashley, and it was pastel florals with a white lace thing on the bodice. It was TERRIBLE. I am ashamed of it. This is not good, Kara. Anthony: long white Grecian draped gown. One side has a long swath of fabric, which covers her arm, and the other arm is bare. It’s slit down to her navel, with a chain and a pendant for a belt. It’s not bridal, I’ll give him that. Black gloves!? Why? Austin: shiny gold, sweetheart neckline. Then over that is straps and black tulle. Like, the straps cross over her waist and go around her neck like a collar, and the tulle is threaded around the collar so it covers her boobs, and then flares out behind her like a cape. It’s interesting, but I think I want the tulle to be another color. April: red dress, with the bottom half dyed a darker red. It’s one-shouldered, and the bodice is all piecemeal like Rami’s. But there’s nothing going on with the dyed part. It just looks like she waded through a river to get here. Michael: black gown with a keyhole opening. I think he had a rectangular piece that he put across her shoulders, and sewed to the gown so it looks like she has shoulder pads. But the rectangular piece has beading and feathers along the margins. It does look pretty interesting, although then randomly in the back is a train and also that thing where there’s a belt, and then the top of the skirt is like six inches lower on her butt. I don’t really like that.

Anthony, April, Sweet P, Austin, Kara, and Michael are called out as the winners and losers. Anthony made sure to have leather gloves and other touches to keep from having a bridal gown. They love the edge, and that it’s vampy. April did some color, but the dyeing is a problem. When they show a close-up, it’s obvious she was going for an ombre effect, only she didn’t quite make it. The top has some pleats, and a weird neckline. It looks unfinished. Badgley and Mischka hate red and black together. You know, someone somewhere decided that plus size women only want to wear red and black, because I know there was one year when those were the only colors I could find. Bleh. There’s a weird flap over one hip, too. On close-up this dress looks worse. Poor April. Sweet P talks more about Cinderella, and Isaac says “prom dress”, and Georgina wanted her to use the print on the bodice. It’s colorful though. Isaac claims a woman’s boobs are the focus, so the bodice must be fantastic. Everyone loves Austin’s dress, of course. It’s modest, which Isaac loves. Kara says her print isn’t conventional for evening, and they agree (not that that makes it bad), but it’s so simple it must be absolutely perfect. They are nitpicking her belt, because there’s nothing to her dress so it must be done exactly right. Georgina doesn’t see Kara in this dress. Michael wanted everyone to look at his girl when she walked in. Isaac can’t believe he made this in one day, and then says something about Kim Kardashian at the opera. Really? Let’s not encourage that. The judges love the belt thing in the back, so whatever. It’s a thing, I guess. I just don’t like it.

April had a good idea but it didn’t go far enough. It was sloppy, but at least it wasn’t boring. The back looked like she just stitched the extra fabric down. Sweet P had a nice skirt, that is appealing, but the bodice looked like a cheap swimsuit. It wasn’t a ball gown. Well, by that definition, you didn’t have that many ball gowns at all. Kara’s dress gets mixed reviews. The fabric is a problem. Now for the top. Anthony had a beautiful white dress with a specific drape to it, and it was fantastic. Austin’s dress was tasteful but exciting, fresh, executed wonderfully. Michael’s gown was spectacular, if somewhat familiar. And made of jersey, I forgot about that.

Anthony is in. Austin wins, because I’m pretty sure no one wants to tell Austin he got beat by Michael Costello. Michael is in. Kara is safe. April is in. Awe, Sweet P. She’s happy to have met people she watched and respected from afar. And she has a happy life.

Next week: create a “flamboyant” cocktail dress. For Miss Piggy. Awesome. She is on the judging panel. Austin dresses as a flamenco dancer. That is almost as good as dressing drag queens. Clicky clicky