Project Runway All Stars 12/27/12--"There's No Business Like Sew Business" summary

Previously on "Project Runway": the designers were paired off and forced to make "20's inspired" outfits in head-to-head battles. Nothing was particularly 20's, but in general on this show nothing matches up with whatever inspiration it's supposed to have. Anthony Ryan won, again, which is boring. Laura finally got sent home, even though Josh had a worse dress, but I don't like Laura so whatever.
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Top Chef 12/26/12--"Jalapeno Business" summary

Previously on "Top Chef": The Quickfire involved making dishes with mystery ingredients. They made some poor intern cover everything in the pantry with foil. Kristen made a cake, which is impressive because it means she made a pan out of foil too, so she won immunity. The Elimination challenge was to make a dish with berries for a berry festival. Everyone got paired off, and then you battled head-to-head with someone who had the same berry as you. John and Stefan engaged in some trash talking. Josie channeled Guy Fieri and irritated the judges, and then later got into it with Stefan. Kristen won again, while Danyele made terrible chicken terrine and was sent home. (click for more)
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Project Runway All Stars 12/20/12--"Flapper Fashion Face-off" summary

Previously on Project Runway: unconventional materials challenge! This time everyone had to make an outfit from the Christmas store, without making it obvious it was from the Christmas store. Mostly it was tacky. Uli won, because her signature is now apparently embellishments, and not flowy maxi dresses. Casanova flailed and made multiple dresses and ended up going home. (click for more)

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Top Chef 12/19/12--"Foiled Again" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: there was an internet celebrity and a product placement challenge that also involved gimmicktry. It was dumb. Essentially the chefs had to make a “holiday” dish and Brooke won with apple crostada. Then everyone had to cater a party for some actors. There was a good deal of heavy foreshadowing about Danyele. Brooke won again, because she took her immunity and made lamb stuffed-squid. Even with the foreshadowing, Eliza was sent home for undercooked carrots. (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 12/13/12--"An Unconventional Nightmare Before Christmas" summary

Previously on Project Runway: make a red carpet dress but you have to use eco-friendly fabrics. Whatever. Laura won, even though she made a romper, because Diane von Furstenberg was the guest judge and that’s Laura’s idol or something. Althea was sent home, even though she is a good designer. She’s said in interviews that her dress had fallen apart, something had detached, and she had asked to fix it. The producers refused, even though in other similar situations designers were allowed to fix their clothing. So I guess she was not drama enough.

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Top Chef 12/12/12--"Even the Famous Come Home" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the chefs were asked to make breakfast on a stick (in teams) for workers at Pike Place Market. Sheldon and Bart won by making a sandwich, which I still think was not “breakfast on a stick” exactly but whatever. Then the teams each were assigned a unique food item to spotlight in a dish. There were some weird things. Overall the dishes were not very good. They were so bad, in fact, no one won, and Padma apologized to everyone for such a crappy lunch. When the dust cleared CJ and Tyler were sent home for making a bad burger to showcase pickles.

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TAR21, Recap Leg 12, 12/9/12

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Evil Gays: Rainbows of Destruction!, teams raced from the Spain to the Loire Valley of France.  The Beekmans managed to keep their slight lead over the Twinnies due to their intelligence, and the necessity of the lacing of a corset.  So the Twinnies were eliminated.  And our final three!  Jaymes and James, the Chippendale dancers who are racing for their families, especially Jaymes’ dad and James’ mom; Josh and Brent, the goat farmers in a fourteen year relationship who have hit every eliminator possible and have still managed to hang on; and Trey and Lexi, whose relationship has grown by leaps and bounds throughout the race.  Who will win The Amazing Race 21? (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 11, 12/9/12

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Driving Stick Shift Is Hard Since We Haven’t Had to Do It Yet, teams raced from the Netherlands to Mallorca, Spain.  The alliance was in full force (Toyouke: “Stupid alliances. Hate. I don't want to watch this show if people are going to do this every season.”), but in the end, bad driving caused the Twinnies to have a rough leg, landing them in last place on the final nonelimination leg.  (Toyouke: “The twins did not "awaken a sleeping giant". They failed at driving. Because your stupid show didn't make them drive themselves anywhere until almost the last leg.”)  They will have a Speed Bump on this leg, leading into the final three.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 12/6/12--"Green Dress for the Red Carpet" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers were tasked to make androgynous looks which were also avant garde. The twist was they would be making two looks, one for their regular model and one for a male model. Everyone kind of freaks out. As is usual on this show, no one’s looks are particularly avant garde. Some of them are not really androgynous either. Emilio made two great suits, which were androgynous enough you couldn’t tell which was the girl and which was the boy, so he won. Josh got bitchy in the Scrap Bin because he didn’t like how Ivy called him out on being full of himself. Kayne was sent home, hopefully to make more pageant gowns and things of that nature.

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Top Chef 12/5/12--"Pike Place Pickle" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: John won a Quickfire involving butchering, because boo. And then everyone had to recreate a menu from 1950 for Canlis Restaurant. It mostly went OK except Carla overcooked her squab (because other diners had been sending it back for being too rare) and Chrissy had to make the salad that’s been on the menu since 1950 and is iconic. Not really fair to make her recreate your signature dish when she’s never had it. But even with some competition from CJ and Josh, those two girls went home. Kristen won for making mushrooms and onions, which someone pointed out was forced on her because Stefan took over and bullied everyone into whatever he felt like. Which I missed, so: shut up Stefan. (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 10, 12/2/12

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on We Shouldn’t Have Gone Back to Frankfurt, teams raced from Moscow to Amsterdam.  The Dream Team Alliance made a plan to screw over Abbie and Ryan, which ended up working due to continued issues with flying through Frankfurt.  (Toyouke: “I guess in terms of strategy, last week's U-Turn was a good idea, in terms of making absolutely sure Abbie and Ryan were U-Turned and they were the only ones U-Turned. But what if they hadn't been last? Then it would have been wasted. “)  So, Abbie and Ryan lose their chance at $2000000.  And the Beekmans are still going strong!  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 11/29/12--"You've Got Mail" summary

Previously on Project Runway: apparently people could submit photos for designers to use as inspiration for outfits. Kind of irritating, since I never heard about it, but maybe they only offered to USA Today readers. Laura continued to alienate everyone because she can’t talk about her past without mentioning how rich she was. Anthony Ryan made a dress that was nice, not particularly related to his picture or his “headline” about overcoming cancer. Andrae was sent home, because supposedly the judges are tired of his babbling on the runway. Instead of Josh, who made a Rainbow Brite outfit. Seriously, find a picture of his outfit and then a picture of Rainbow Brite. But Josh hasn’t gotten his redemption yet, although just letting Laura be the villain this season is going a long way. (click for more)

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Top Chef 11/28/12--"50s Food Flashback" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: dumplings were made, and immunity was won by Josie. Tom and Emeril lead two teams in making Thanksgiving (probably in the middle of July). Josie undercooked the turkey, and the judges made sure to tell her she’d be going home if she hadn’t won immunity because she made her team lose. Carla made carrot soup and meatballs and won, but not before CJ and Stefan tasted her soup and pissed her off, and then Stefan called her “honey” or something and pissed her off about that. Kuniko was too helpful, doing work for others and not having enough time to cook her potatoes, and she was sent home. I think we may need to add potato gratin to the list of foods that screw people, along with panna cotta and…I’m sure there is something else on the list. (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 9, 11/25/12

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on You’re Very Lively For a Dead Crowd, teams raced about Moscow.  The Beekmans incurred a penalty for not being able to complete a task, but James and Abba incurred the bigger penalty for losing their passports, and they were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Top Chef 11/21/12--"Tom vs. Emeril" summary

Going to be a quick fly-by recap today. Last week Kuniko poached fish in chili oil and was on top. Jeffery overcooked fish and went home. CJ, Josie, and Stefan returned to compete again, because we're copying other reality shows, apparently. (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 8, 11/18/12

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on There’s No One Here But Us Muscovites, teams raced from Istanbul to Moscow.  Abbie and Ryan and the Beekmans found themselves stuck in Frankfurt, whereas Trey and Lexi moved out into first again.  James and Abba somehow managed to leave their passports in a Russian Cab.  When we last left our friends, we were in the middle of Leg 7.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 11/15/12--"Made in the USA Today" summary

Previously on Project Runway: graffiti is now called “aerosol art” and you can make people spray paint fabric as artwork. So they did. Lots of bright colors and crazy things. Laura was rude about everyone, and no one likes her because she talks about how rich she is. (Side note: the thing she said about her high school costing more than her college? There are high schools here that cost that much, so that may be entirely true.) Ivy and Anthony Ryan did well, but Emilio won with a “denim jacket”. It was fine. Suede went home for a weird dress with cutout circles. (click for more)

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Top Chef 11/14/12--"A Shock at the Space Needle" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Is this a thing now? Where we can’t just start a season of a reality show without having a casting special? Why is that? Anyway, at least it was smaller than last year, and also only one hipster mustache made it through. (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 7, 11/11/12

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on It’s Nobody’s Business But the Turks, teams raced from Bangladesh to Turkey.  There was much scrubbing and serving and ice cream eating, but ultimately Rob and Kelley’s decision to take the subway instead of a taxi did them in.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 11/8/12--"Up Your Aerosol" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone was supposed to make dresses inspired by disco. I guess because platform shoes are in? Anyway, mostly everyone made tacky stuff. Uli won, and I did like her dress but I didn’t think it was particularly disco. Wendy Pepper went home, because she made some cheap looking stuff that had bell bottoms. I guess that was all that was disco about it? There was some other heinous stuff up there but whatever. (click for more)

           

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Top Chef 11/7/12--"The Ultimate Chef Test" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: There was a very long season full of obnoxious people and really no one to root for except a former pothead. I mean really. (click for more)

           

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TAR21, Recap Leg 6, 11/4/12

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Dhaka and Dhaka Again, teams continued racing through Bangladesh.  The Twins spar with Abbie and Ryan, Brent succumbs to the heat, and the Chippendales screw up, but it’s Josh and Brent who end up in last place on the first non-elimination leg, and will face a Speed Bump on this leg.  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 11/1/12--"Put On Your Dancing Shoes" summary

Previously on Project Runway: some people decided to be on TV again. We started with a team challenge, just to get that out of the way, and everyone had to make collections based on “attitude”. Really you couldn’t tell them apart. Everyone was nice (for now). Anthony Ryan won, which was nice for him, and Peach couldn’t marry her tennis clothing to the collection so she went home. (click for more)

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TAR21, Recap Leg 5, 10/28/12

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on Go Long and Strong and Hard in This Muslim Country, Twinnie!, teams raced from Indonesia to Bangladesh.  Nadiya was loud.  James and Abba collected rats.  And Gary and Will find themselves eliminated after being too slow and lost.  Who will be eliminated. . . next?  (Toyouke: “I can't believe it's ON TIME.”) (click for more)

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Project Runway All Stars 10/25/12--"Redemption on the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: a really boring regular season. And another set of All Stars back for more. I want to make some predictions. Josh and Wendy were the biggest “villains”, so one of them will suddenly be nice to everyone and not be obnoxious. Kind of like how Kenley turned out. I’m hoping for Josh, because if I have to listen to his bitch diva self every week I’m going to hate it. Kayne will try not to make gowns, which maybe will not be successful. I’m not sure who will win, because last season we had Mondo, and it was clear a lot of people thought he should have won. There doesn’t seem to be another person like that this season, although I could be wrong. (click for more)

           

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TAR21, Recap Leg 4, 10/21/12

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on I Don’t Know How Many Dudes Had Their Mouth on This Thing Before Me, teams raced from Surabaya, Indonesia to Bangil.  There was plate breaking and egg making, and Abbie and Ryan winning.  Pleh.  One of the most exciting Pit Stop races ever eliminated the blondies.  (Toyouke: “Gary and Will did not make "a super comeback". They did not "knock Caitlin and Brittany out of the race". The rickshaw driver did that.”)  Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

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Project Runway 10/18/12--"Finale Part 2" summary

Previously on Project Runway: We spent all that time on home visits and looking at everyone’s collections and a runway show, and then the judges decided not to eliminate anyone. Just like last year! Although, unlike last year, I’m not sure who it was that was being saved. I mean, obviously last season Anya screwed up so they were saving her so she could win. Everyone had problems with their designs, although I guess mostly it was with styling. Whatever. Waste of an episode. (click for more)

             

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TAR21, Recap Leg 3, 10/14/12

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Who Knew That Making Balloon Animals Was Something Gays Did Well?, teams raced from Shanghai, China to Surabaya, Indonesia.  Teams had to “race” bulls, entertain children, and haul ice.  Natalie and Nadiya won first place and the Express Pass, while sadly, Amy and Daniel got a horrible cab driver and were eliminated. It was very sad.  Who will be eliminated. . . next?

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Project Runway 10/11/12--"Finale Part 1" summary

Previously on Project Runway: There was a lame “avant garde” challenge which didn’t really result in any avant garde clothing, aside from which it was all full of product placement. Dmitry won, which, whatever, and Sonjia went home. Sad. So our final four are Dmitry, Chris, Fabio, and Melissa.

           

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TAR21, Recap Leg 2, 10/8/12

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on I Can’t Believe I Got Beat In Ping Pong By A Kid With a Clipboard, teams raced from Los Angeles to Shanghai, China.  Teams played ping-pong and ate fallopian tubes.  Tide To Go Joe and his woman got first, and now have a $2000000 target on their backs.  Rob and Sheila were eliminated.  Who will be eliminated. . . next?

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Project Runway 10/4/12--"In a Place Far, Far Away" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Heidi used the designers for free labor and made everyone design outfits for her baby line. I mean, clearly Heidi has a line of baby clothes. Also just for fun everyone had to take care of dolls that cried and were fussy. There were real clients, though, so that was cute. Even though they put in a twist that the designers also had to make an outfit for mom. Chris’s mom hated the outfit she got, but the dress for her daughter was a winner. Sonjia won also, by making a very cute suit out of fleece for a little boy. Elena just slapped a bunch of random colors together and her outfit made everyone tell her it looked like a thrift store outfit, so she was sent home.

             

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TAR21, Recap Leg 1, 9/30/12

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, and it couldn’t come soon enough.  This time, we are travelling through California.  AGAIN.  This time, though, all the teams are on a hippie bus, driving through Pasedena, past City Hall to the Colorado Street Bridge.  (Toyouke: “What is with the hippie bus?”)  After getting off the bus, the eleven teams are:

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TAR21, Recap Leg 0, 9/23/12

Welcome back to the Amazing Race!  Miss me?  I thought so.  First off, we have some excellent countries on the list, including return visits to China, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Turkey and the Netherlands!  We’re at eleven teams, so no monkey business from the producers, although I hear there is a potential TWO MILLION DOLLARS on the line, and a Switchback Task in the Netherlands. And Toyouke is nearby to throw in her two cents. (Toyouke: “Let’s do this.  Quickly.”)  The eleven teams are:

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Project Runway 9/27/12--"It's Fashion Baby" summary

Previously on Project Runway: The designers made costumes for the Rockettes. It was actually a good challenge, I like the extra restrictions on costumes for dancers. Chris won by making a bodice with the New York skyline. It was pretty cool. Ven made an ice dancing costume, that was boring to boot, and went home. His decoy finale collection was full of folded roses. And also? I saw a picture of him and Kenley from the Emmys and the dress she had on had nothing to do with the dress he made her from that challenge that he won. Nothing. Also the next season of All-Stars was announced. Wendy. Pepper. There is the possibility of a Wendy vs. Josh fight to the death. At least, we can hope it’s to the death. I don’t want to deal with Josh anymore but I also cannot resist the thought he might go up against Wendy Pepper and Ivy and Kayne and lose.

           

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Project Runway 9/20/12--"I Get a Kick Out of Fashion" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone was supposed to make their own fabric, with the requirement that it be inspired by their cultural heritage. Ven made another outfit with the rose detail and he got yelled at. Dmitry did not make a dress and he won. Gunnar decided that “cultural heritage” was the same thing as “traumatic experience” and made a print based on his being bullied when he was younger. And I know that was wrong, and I don’t wish bullying on anyone, but I still think that was calculated. He picked that out because he thought it would help him win. Instead he was eliminated. And then Chris made a big deal about how great it was they didn’t hate each other anymore or whatever, because Chris makes everything about himself.

           

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Project Runway 9/13/12--"It's All About Me" summary

Previously on Project Runway: A random team challenge with the added on, pointless task of making crappy arts and crafts to sell. Because they’re out of money? Who knows. Then each team of three had to make two fall looks with at least one outerwear piece. Elena drove her teammates Dmitry and Alicia insane, while Gunnar and Chris were on the same team and at least pretended to like each other. Sonjia won, with a very cute jacket. Seriously, I would buy it. Alicia made some sad pants and was eliminated.

           

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Hell's Kitchen 9/10/12--"Winner Chosen" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Christina and Justin are the final two. They picked out menus and then had that one last competition so they can decide who gets to have first pick of the eliminated contestants for their team. Christina won (in a thrilling tiebreaker, of course). She picked Dana, Patrick, Kimmie, and Robyn. Not sure why she picked Robyn. Justin picked out Barbie, Brian, Royce, and Clemenza, who is kind of annoyed to be last. As they talked about menus, Clemenza was less than thrilled, and when Justin gave him some crap about how Clemenza should want to help Justin to win for Clemenza’s sake, Clemenza bailed.

       

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Project Runway 9/6/12--"Starving Artists" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Everyone had to make a dress to fit into a Lord & Taylor capsule collection, with previous contestants. Sadly these previous contestants did not appear. In general, the women got very upset and all thought they were going to lose. Everyone was fine, though, except Alicia and Gunnar, who were in the bottom. Then Chris won with his gown which wasn’t that great. Same thing he always does. And THEN the judges pretended everyone was so great this week they couldn’t possibly get rid of anyone, so no one is eliminated. Couldn’t be because too many people quit and they had to get the numbers back to where they are supposed to be. Or because this week’s challenge looks to involve teams of three so they needed the nine designers they had planned on.

            

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Hell's Kitchen 9/4/12--"2 Chefs Compete pt. 1" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Dana won the first challenge, which is the “make a dish for cheap that someone would charge outrageous prices for” challenge. It didn’t seem to help her run the fish station though. Christina and Justin were more successful, and Barbie was mostly fine. Then suddenly Ramsey eliminated Barbie, and then we were left with a “To Be Continued” to see which other one goes home.

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Project Runway 8/30/12--"Oh My Lord and Taylor" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the “real women” challenge produced mixed results. There’s always one designer who can’t handle designing for non-models, and this season that is Ven. However, he’s much more of an asshat than anyone has ever been, talking about how it was unfair he got the fat girl and going on and on about how none of the belts fit her. And then getting on Twitter and complaining they gave him a fat girl on purpose. They probably did. I would bet they gave one to Gunnar too but he instantly went into Carson Kressley mode and was fine. Fabio won, and his dress was cute, and Nathan made the dress his client wanted so he lost. That is how it always works too.

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Hell's Kitchen 8/27/12--"4 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: everyone was required to teach beauty queens to cook, which mostly went well. Barbie won, somehow, because she’s decided to stop blending into the background and just float by. During dinner service Barbie further distinguished herself by bringing up crappy risotto four times in a row. But everyone is tired of Clemenza’s general suckage so he was sent home, finally.
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Project Runway 8/23/12--"Fix My Friend" summary

Previously on Project Runway: There was a stupid team challenge. Raul and Elena were the worst, Raul because he refused to listen to his team at all, and Elena because she had one of her freakouts and yelled at everyone. Gunnar got pissy about his team too. There was a photoshoot which wasn’t even that great. Melissa won, because a high cowl neckline is apparently “modern”, even though no one I know would wear it to work. Raul was eliminated again. On the way out he told Elena he hated her guts, because I guess he is unaware of how stupid that makes him look.

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Hell's Kitchen 8/20/12--"5 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Clemenza and Dana won the first challenge, which was not very exciting, and then the contestants all worked together in one kitchen for the first time, without any giant hangups. Well, except for Dana on fish, but she just got behind. She also didn’t want Robyn or Clemenza to help her, because they suck. Also they had to compete against a team of runner-ups, although nothing happened with that either. Long story short: Robyn went home.  

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Project Runway 8/16/12--"It's My Way on the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Andrea left in the middle of the night, and then Kooan quit in the workroom. Everyone interviewed about how horrible Andrea was but no one said anything bad about Kooan. Seriously, everyone was super angry with her, which was strange and also, shut up and work. Chris was especially annoying. Raul returned. The challenge was to make outfits for women on the go, and Sonjia won with a really cute dress. Buffi made a zebra print sheath with a hot pink smock over so she was eliminated.

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Hell's Kitchen 8/13/12--"6 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: I know it was a while ago, but there was a ton of bickering and Brian was sent home, which was sad. Everyone failed the first challenge but the girls did mostly well in dinner service. Also apparently we have to showcase Ramsey’s new show, so only one episode of Hell’s Kitchen a week until it’s over. On the one hand, I only have to deal with this show once a week. On the other hand, it just drags out this circus forever.

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Project Runway 8/9/12--"Women on the Go" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone paired up so they could make dresses for past designers who are going to the Emmys. This included cars for no reason other than product placement. Don’t worry, they mentioned it once and then never again.  Kenley is Kenley and Irina is aggressively bitchy, but that’s OK because she has Gunnar. Kooan also is stuck with Gunnar and is sad the whole episode. Buffi and Elena don’t get along well. Andrea has weird ideas and Chris is passive aggressive about how she sucks but he just RESPECTS her so much he can’t say so. The judges have started smoking crack, as Gunnar’s plain white gown with a jacked up butt seam, and Ven’s boring Kenley dress for Kenley are deemed the top, while Dmitry and Melissa made April a long gown in silk charmeuse and are only safe. Whatever. Ven wins, in the end, which means Kenley will probably be at the Emmys trying to grab attention. Chris and Andrea throw each other under the bus, and Chris is a bitch but Andrea is flat-out lying about things she said. However, Raul and Alicia have made a really horrible dress and Raul is sent home. Then Andrea packs up her stuff in the middle of the night and goes home.
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Project Runway 8/2/12--"Welcome Back to the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the annual “unconventional materials” challenge. This time it’s candy from Dylan’s Candy Bar. No one sneers that they don’t work with candy, or whatever, like Bert did last season. Gunnar and Chris keep on fighting. Maybe they’ll make out. At least then Gunnar would be quiet.  Ven crushed some rock candy and made a dress that resembled stained glass, so he won. Lantie ended up scrapping her design, and even though both Gunnar and Elena had dresses that fell apart on the runway, Lantie cut up an umbrella and made some candy flowers so she goes home.
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Project Runway 7/26/12--"Candy Couture" summary

Previously on Project Runway: We met a new crop of designers, and some people made no impression while others made a poor impression. Gunnar was on last year, but got cut right away, and then he came back. In the interim he decided that the best thing would be for him to become Josh 2.0, and he’s not even that funny. But he’s already picked a fight, so…yeah. Designers brought one look from home and were asked to make another one. Ven did very well, but it was Chris who won. Beatrice can’t sew and they actually eliminated her instead of saying what a great job she did for someone who couldn’t sew. It’s sad that I’m impressed with that. (click for more)
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Hell's Kitchen 7/24/12--"6 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Southern food was featured, and even though Robyn brought up raw chicken more than once, and every single chef was kicked out of the kitchen, Kimmie was sent home. She wasn’t cooking the fish well, and she never stepped up, even though she talked all the time about how she cooked Southern food and that was her wheelhouse.
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Hell's Kitchen 7/23/12--"7 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: dinner service was not that exciting, people were terrible, the usual things. Barbie took forever on prep and then sat back and let everyone fail and was smug about it. Clemenza had trouble keeping track of how many orders of things he needed. The whole men’s team (and Robyn) got kicked out, but Tiffany finally went home. Ramsey was pissed because the teams made their own menus and still couldn’t execute because everyone appears to suck this season. (click for more)
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Project Runway 7/19/12--"A Times Square Anniversary Party" summary

Previously on Project Runway: I wish this show would get back to where it belongs. Interesting contestants with a high skill level. I mean, Anya just learned to sew. It’s questionable. Also maybe Lifetime could learn to count weeks so they can start filming the season earlier? And airing the season earlier? So there aren’t a million decoys? (click for more)   
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Hell's Kitchen 7/17/12--"8 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: an eating challenge. For no reason. Then the blind taste test, which everyone always fails. Except Justin, he got all his foods correct. And Kimmie, because she’d rather volunteer to sit out and then bitch about how everyone else sucks. Barbie and Kimmie sort of get into it, but Kimmie is not threatening, unless you’re threatened by crying.  The teams have to come up with menus, and Kimmie is shot down, sort of, and also Robyn. The menus are OK, and mostly pass muster with Ramsey (no thanks to Barbie spending forever cleaning mussels or Clemenza spending forever cleaning his jacket). However, Clemenza has just served quail that hasn’t been boned properly and Ramsey is not happy. (click for more)
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Hell's Kitchen 7/16/12--"9 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: there was another “make a dish out of random ingredients” challenge. The men (and Robyn) won, which was nice to see. Everyone on the women’s team blamed Dana, but then nothing happened with that except Kimmie cried AGAIN and then made a bunch of empty threats about how she was going to kick Dana’s ass. AGAIN.  David Beckham also showed up but nothing came of that because he was super nice about everything. The men fail, the women save them and their tickets, everyone thinks they were fine. It’s like I’m watching the same episode over and over, except this time, no one said anything about Robyn. In fact, she seems to be getting some respect. Royce finally went home, and Clemenza almost did, but I think he’s probably on his last chance. But no more Royce, which is pretty great. (click for more)   
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Hell's Kitchen 7/9/12--"10 Chefs Compete" summary

    Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: nothing happened with Kimmie and her burns, but she went back to the kitchen and made Robyn look stupid as much as possible. I know Robyn isn’t the best chef by any stretch, but Kimmie looked mighty suspicious. Patrick and Royce both failed, and the entire women’s team also got kicked out. Robyn and Kimmie never actually came to blows, and the fight seems to be about how Robyn thought Kimmie, her “friend”, should not call her a bitch. Yeah. Anyway, Patrick was finally sent home, and Robyn was sent to the men’s team, with the promise from Ramsey that if she continues to complain, he’ll know it’s not the women but her. (click for more)
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Hell's Kitchen 7/3/12--"11 Chefs Compete pt. 2" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Kimmie and Robyn fight, and then Tiffany and Barbie fight, and the men win a challenge and then Kimmie burns herself. Also Royce needs to shut up. I think that’s about the gist of it. The DVR description says it all: “Personal dramas distract some contestants.” (click for more)
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Hell's Kitchen 7/2/12--"11 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: the women went to a spa, while the men had to clean the dorms. That’s about how much drama there was with that. The women all still hate each other, but unlike the men, they are able to ignore that to finish dinner service. The men try to get rid of Clemenza and Brian, but Ramsey sees right through all of that nonsense and nominates Roshni for screwing up meat, and Patrick for generally not being a leader. Roshni tries to repeat Clemenza’s passionate defense of himself, which worked for Clemenza but does not work for Roshni, who is sent home. (click for more)
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Hell's Kitchen 6/26/12--"12 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: We finally finished that dinner service with the fashion show, which was not exciting, but since the men are all horndogs this season we had to listen to all of them drool over the models. Whatever. The women did reasonably well, even though Tiffany wasn’t so hot and Robyn ran out of beef. The men had to deal with Clemenza getting slammed on the fish station and the rest of them not really helping. In the end, Clemenza’s passion and ability to stand up for himself saved him from elimination, and Guy went home. (click for more)   
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Hell's Kitchen 6/25/12--"13 Chefs Compete pt. 2" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Poor timing resulted in an entire episode focused on the first challenge, where Robyn didn’t listen and made Kimmie cry (while simultaneously prompting Kimmie to make threats). Also it is “Fashion Night”. Danielle was eliminated early on, but then we didn’t even get any of the dinner service before the episode is over. (click for more) 
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Hell's Kitchen 6/19/12--"13 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Mexican night, the women all hate each other, most people get kicked out of the kitchen, and then for some reason we had to wait until now to see who gets eliminated. Guess we needed those extra few minutes to watch Tiffany get so drunk she mistook Royce for one of her own teammates. (click for more)
   
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Hell's Kitchen 6/18/12--"14 Chefs Compete" summary

    Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Don lost and Roshni switched teams. In other news, how come sometimes the title of the episode is “# Chefs COMPETE” and other times “# Chefs REMAIN”? Also the women seem to all hate each other, while the men are at least pretending to be a team. (click for more)

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Hell's Kitchen 6/12/12--"15 Chefs Remain" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Barbie made everyone hate her, but for some reason Ramsey likes her. Couldn’t be because everyone else hates her and causes drama. Patrick decided to be the leader of the men’s team, which pissed off the rest of the team. Somehow that helped, though, because the women eventually got kicked out of the kitchen. Briana was sent home for failing to cook cod properly. (click for more)

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Hell's Kitchen 6/11/12--"16 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: it was the second episode, so everyone had to wake up super early and humiliate themselves. This time, everyone had to dig through ice and find scallops in the shell. Royce got hit in the face, but it looked like an accident. Contrary to the preview. Then the women cooked scallops properly to win a reward, a skill that lasted…until dinner service. Royce and Guy fight, and Barbie and Tiffany fight, and Barbie and Robyn fight. The women managed to make it to entrees, but Barbie continued to screw up so no entrees ever made it out of the kitchen. Chris couldn’t cook scallops either so both teams got kicked out of the kitchen. Tiffany’s kind of scary when she’s pissed off. The women were so desperate to get rid of Barbie that they put her up against Roshni, who didn’t do anything wrong. The men put up Chris and Royce. Chris ends up being sent home. (click for more)

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Hell's Kitchen 6/5/12--"17 Chefs Compete" summary

I’m not sure why Fox likes to air these episodes over two days. Why not just make two hours of “Hell’s Kitchen” one night and then two hours of “MasterChef” the other night? Anyway, people failed at cooking, cursing was rampant, “customers” were not fed. Tavon was sent home for generally being unhelpful. (click for more) 

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Hell's Kitchen 6/4/12--"18 Chefs Compete" summary

I know, I know, “Hell’s Kitchen” is not exactly quality television. But they are at least honest about it, with their yelling and cursing binges and every challenge ends in a tie so you can go to commercial on a cliffhanger. Obviously that is planned. But at least they own it, unlike some shows (I’m looking at you “Project Runway”) and they also don’t pretend to be about food. “Around the World in 80 Plates”. So I think I will write about a show that doesn’t pretend to be quality. But not “MasterChef”. There are only so many ways to say “amateur chefs don’t know how to make that” and also “that is disgusting“. And they use fake-outs more even more than this show.(click for more) 
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"Survivor with Food" is not the show I was promised.

I had planned to write about "Around the World in 80 Plates", but after watching the first episode, there wasn't enough food. Clearly they're going to spend a bunch of time talking about whatever team drama, and how well people are copying other chefs in making regional food. I'll keep watching, but unless there's a big outcry, I'm not going to recap it. However, depending on the scheduling I am thinking about putting "Hell's Kitchen" back on the recap roster. At least they don't pretend to be anything but manipulative and pointless. Leave your thoughts in the comments if you have a strong opinion, and thanks for reading for so long.

I lied, I have a few thoughts:
-Jenna is super bossy. I'm going to be tired of her.
-How hilarious was the cheesemaker guy? He really got into it.
-I'm glad someone shut Keven up about the wine, but I just wish it hadn't been Nookie.
-I love that last week Chaz won just because he claimed to have the idea to make dessert, but this week he can't handle Avery winning for actually cooking the dish that got them the win.
-I wish Sai had made it to Asia. I'm not sure why they didn't get rid of Jenna when they had the chance. Also, the gloating is really obnoxious. Clicky clicky

Around the World in 80 Plates 5/9/12--"London Calling" summary

Can Bravo successfully combine “Top Chef” and “Amazing Race”? Let’s hope so. Because that’s what everyone is expecting. (click for more)

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TAR20, Recap Leg 12, 5/6/12

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Bring That Chicken Home! teams raced across Asia from India to Japan. There were Japanese game shows and Sushi Bingo. And Vanessa and Ralph were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
3rd – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles

Osaka Castle, Osaka, Japan

4:15 PM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Fly to your final destination city: Honolulu, Hawaii! Once there, find Mauka and Makai, the Twin Towers.

4:47 PM Art/JJ (2nd)
5:05 PM Brendon/Rachel (3rd)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

There’s only one flight, so all teams get on it and take the Amazing Red Line to Honolulu. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams actually have to figure out that Mauka and Makai are buildings, and Art and JJ seem to fail at this (Toyouke: “Well, you should figure out where you're going. Also, karma for bitching so much about Brendon and Rachel following you.”), so teams arrive at the towers in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ

Once teams arrive, they discover that they must use ascenders to climb to the top of the forty-five story tower and then spot their destination from above. Once they know where they are going, teams must do a face forward rappel to get down. Teams complete the tasks in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ

Teams are now making their way to their next destination, Sand Island. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ

We then get the eleventh roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to shave ice?

In this roadblock, one team member must shave ice with a samurai sword and fill a bucket to a
specified line. Once complete, Hawaiian Actor Taylor Wily will give teams their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Shave ice? WTF final Roadblock is that!?”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Dave
2- Brendon
3- JJ
After much ice shaving, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ

Teams are now instructed to travel by foot to the outfield and find the helicopters that will take them to their next clue. Teams arrive at the helicopters in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel – who think they have to go to Aloha Stadium by taxi. I don’t know. (Toyouke: “ON FOOT. It is the LAST leg! Out of these three teams, that is the one that I would have expected to fuck that up.”)

Teams take their helicopters up the North Shore and arrive at their next clue in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ – (Toyouke: “I will grudgingly give a "woo" for the Magnum P.I. reference.”)
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams are now instructed to perform a rescue mission. One team member drive a waverunner, while the other team member rides a board behind the waverunner to rescue someone from the ocean. Once the team returns with the person they rescued, they will get their next clue. Teams rescue survivors in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams are now instructed to make their way to the Coral Kingdom Gate of Hakipu’u Valley and follow the marked path to their clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Rachel/Dave – who, even though Hawaii is not a very big place, seem to make their way to the task at the END of the Coral Kingdom task, complete it, find the FINISH LINE, and Phil, and end up being told that they are not done, and have to backtrack to the task. Suspenseful no? (Toyouke: “They just put that there? No monitors or safety people? Written explanations that don't require any additional information? DESIGNED for a fuck-up just like this. OK, this HAS to go on the list of "Most Exciting Pit Stops Ever."  Especially because it's more exciting when everyone is all together like this.”)
3- Brendon/Rachel
We then get the twelfth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to take a Papa Holua to an ‘Ulu Maika’?

In this roadblock, the team member that didn’t do the first Roadblock in the leg must slide 150 feet downhill on a Holua sled and then use an Ulu Maika to roll it fifty feet into a goal. Once complete, teams get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This is a strange task. Where is my memory task?”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock, because they have to:

1- Art
2- Rachel B.
3- Rachel R.

After much sledding and throwing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams now make their way to the Paddleboard dock via the provided ATVs. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams must now paddleboard across a lake without falling over. Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Teams find now that they must travel to Secret Island, the FINISH LINE of The Amazing Race 20. The first team to arrive will be the winner!

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel

Rachel and Dave, five continents, nine countries, 22 cities, 36000 miles, you are the winners of the Amazing Race 20, and holders of the new record for most legs won in a single race! Woo.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Art/JJ
3rd – Brendon/Rachel
4th – Vanessa/Ralph
5th – Bopper/Mark
6th – Nary/Jamie
7th – Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8th – Kerri/Stacy
9th – Elliot/Andrew
10th – Dave/Cherie
11th – Misa/Maiya

Next time: TAR 21! See you then!


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TAR20, Recap Leg 11, 5/6/12

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on I Paid $500 For These Extentions and You Want Me To Shave My Head?, teams raced through India. (Toyouke: “Previously, the stupid Big Brother team lasted longer than we thought, proving someone somewhere is laughing their ass off at our suffering.”) Team Kentucky couldn’t recover from their previous leg and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
3rd – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees
4th – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza

Cheena Vala Fishing Nets, Vypin, India

1:51 PM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Fly 4000 miles to Hiroshima, Japan! Once there, make your way to Miyajima Island.

Dave: “We’re here to improve our relationship.” (Toyouke: “HAHAHA Dave, you are so full of shit. If your relationship was so important you wouldn't be such an asshat.”)

Brendon/Rachel (2nd)
Vanessa/Ralph (3rd)
Art/JJ (4th)
Teams make their way to a travel agent, where they find that the best flight is an 8:10 pm arrival in Hiroshima. So, all the teams make their way to the airport to jump on the Amazing Red Line to Hiroshima. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Brendon/Rachel

Teams get on a bus into town, but Brendon and Rachel miss the first bus. So, teams arrive at the subway station in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Art/JJ
4- Rachel/Dave

Now it’s Rachel and Dave that miss the transport. (Toyouke: “This is a lot of different transportation methods all in a row.“) Teams arrive at the Miyajima Ferry Terminal in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel
2- Art/JJ
3- Vanessa/Ralph
4- Rachel/Dave

And Rachel and Dave miss the last ferry of the night. (Toyouke: “It's the last one of the day? And they let Dave and Rachel miss it? Wow. I can't believe they would let that happen.”) However, when they other teams arrive at Itsukushima Shrine, they find that they won’t get their clue until morning. (Toyouke: “Do you think that was the plan all along? Or maybe some PA whipped up a sign real quick?”) So, Rachel and Dave catch up. The sun rises, and teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams are now instructed to travel back to Hiroshima and find Peace Memorial Park to find the Atom Bomb Dome. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Vanessa/Ralph
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ

After the heartfelt reflection, teams are instructed to make their way to Osaka by Bullet Train and find the TV 8 Studio. Once there, teams would get their next clue. Teams all get on the same train and arrive in Osaka in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Brendon/Rachel

Teams now travel to the TV 8 Studio and get their clue in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Rachel/Dave

We then get the tenth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to bring home the chicken?

In this roadblock, one team member must compete in a Japanese Game Show called “Bring That Chicken Home!” They must run on a conveyor belt and jump to get three rubber chickens and make their way to the finish line to get their clue from the host. Brendon and Vanessa must complete the task, if they attempt it.

(Toyouke: “Is that the same guy from Wasabi Roll?”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Art
2- Vanessa – who is hurting pretty bad from her ankle roll in India. Ralph: “Just take the penalty!” (Toyouke: “Aww, Ralph. That's why I am rooting for them. Because you know Dave's asshole self would be yelling at Rachel that she was a fuck-up.”)
3- Brendon
4- Rachel B.

(Toyouke: “So rather than have people have a maximum number of Roadblocks, it looks like they changed the rules so you have to keep even throughout.”) After much running, jumping and chicken grabbing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams now make their way to the Umeda Sky Building and travel to the top in order to make their Detour choice. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Vanessa/Ralph

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Bingo Shoutout OR Photo Cutout
*Bingo Shoutout: Teams must travel to a sushi restaurant, where they pick up sushi from a conveyor belt as it is called out by a bingo caller. Once teams have the right sushi with the right letters in a way to get a bingo, they yell “Sushi!” and eat the five pieces that form the bingo to get their next clue.
*Photo Cutout: Teams must pick up to life size sumo cutout and find the photographer to get a camera. Then they must get 10 groups of three people each to get their photos taken behind the cutouts to get their next clue.

1- Art/JJ choose Bingo Shoutout – (Toyouke: “Sushi Bingo is almost as entertaining as the game show.”)
2- Rachel/Dave choose Photo Cutout
3- Brendon/Rachel choose Bingo Shoutout
4- Vanessa/Ralph choose Bingo Shoutout

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams find now that they must travel to Osaka Castle, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

(Toyouke: “Points for not having a geisha or samurai greeter.”)

1- Rachel/Dave – who win a trip for two to New Zealand, personally recommended by Phil. Phil: “Just tell me when you're going, so I can not be home.” Oh, and they tied the record for most wins on the Race, set by Nick and Starr in TAR13 and repeated by Meghan and Cheyne in TAR15.
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Vanessa/Ralph

And Vanessa and Ralph are eliminated. But what a trooper she was!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Art/JJ
3rd – Brendon/Rachel

Next time: Teams race to Hawaii for a million dollars! See you then!


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TAR20, Recap Leg 10, 4/29/12

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Bollywood Dreams, teams raced from Tanzania to India. Team Kentucky got stuck at the Roadblock, which caused them to finish last. Mark started suffereing from a heat related illness, but the boys stuck it out and finished to find the third non-elimination leg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
3rd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
4th – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees
5th – Bopper/Mark, The Kentucky Hillbillies

Bolgatty Palace, Cochin, India

6:53 AM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Make your way to Cheranallur and find the temple in order to get a blessing from the priest and receive your next clue. You have $25 for this leg of the race.

Dave extols on the fact that he thinks they are the strongest team left. And he’s probably right. (Toyouke: “I find it interesting they emphasized that Rachel and Dave "won" the last leg, as opposed to "finished first".”)

7:20 AM Brendon/Rachel (2nd) – Brendon reminds Rachel to not be emotional. You may also want to avoid drinking that haterade.
7:28 AM Art/JJ (3rd)
7:32 AM Vanessa/Ralph (4th)
10:38 AM Bopper/Mark (5th) – and Mark is not doing well at all. (Toyouke: “It's not a good sign when your team doesn't leave the Pit Stop until halfway through the episode.”)

Teams arrive at the temple in Cheranallur.

However, once they arrive, Bopper and Mark find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must paint a tiger on the belly of a traditional Pulikali dancer in order to get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark – Bopper: “I have no problem with painting, it’s just strange when it’s on a man’s belly.” (Toyouke: “That's a pretty good tiger.”)

After much tiger painting, they continue with the rest of the teams to the next task in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Vanessa/Ralph
4- Art/JJ
5- Bopper/Mark

Teams get their blessings from the priest and get their next clue. Rachel and Dave open their clue and find. . . a Fast Forward!

FAST FORWARD:

Recall that a fast forward is a task that can be performed to allow one team to skip all remaining tasks and head directly to the pit stop. However, each team may only use their fast forward power once on the race, so they must decide when it is more advantageous to use it. In this, the third (!?!?) fast forward on this race, teams must travel to a nearby Hindu temple to perform the traditional good luck ceremony of shaving your head. Sound familiar? That’s because this is a Switchback, a task previously performed on the race in the same location. This one is from TAR7, allowing Uchenna and Joyce to move into first place, setting up their Amazing Race win. So, woot. Once complete, they get their next clue and skip all remaining tasks and travel directly to the Pit Stop.

Teams decide to go for the Fast Forward in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel – (Toyouke: “Oh, Rachel. Had you EVER watched this show you would know what an "Indian good-luck ritual" is.”)
2- Bopper/Mark

So – hair shaving, or lack thereof. Rachel freaks out, sending her and Brendon back into the thick of the other teams. (Toyouke: “You paid $500 for extensions? Why did you get extensions right before you were going to be tearing around the world without showering? You know what, that is a stupid question because it's Rachel.”) Bopper and Mark have no problem doing it, partially because they are boys, and partially because Mark’s head is already shaved. They get the clue, and head toward the Pit Stop. (Toyouke: “If the Fast Forward actually saves a last place team instead of just being used to keep the first place team in first place, that will be fantastic. But I wonder if they are too far behind.”)

The rest of the teams are instructed to travel to Pattanacoir Coir Mats and Matting. They arrive in the following order:

1- Vanessa/Ralph
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel

We then get the ninth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s at the end of their rope?

In this roadblock, one team member must work in a fifty year old rope making facility to create a 40 foot rope of coconut husk. Once complete, roadblockers take four bundles of rope and wrap them onto a spindle to get their next clue. Brendon and Bopper must complete the task, if they attempt it.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ralph
2- Dave
3- Art
4- Brendon

After weaving, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Vanessa/Ralph
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel – (Toyouke: “Oh honey, it'll take a LOT more than hair to make you pretty. You have to compensate for your personality.”)

Teams now make their way to Fort Kochi and search for the barber under the ancient tree to get their clue. Vanessa rolls her ankle en route. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Pachyderm OR Pack a Box
*Pachyderm: Teams must properly decorate an elephant with a headdress and golden ornaments, and then transport 15 wheelbarrows full of elephant manure to a nearby truck, before receiving their next clue from the master of ceremonies.
*Pack a Box: Teams must head to a ginger processing center, collect 10 empty boxes, fill them with ginger that they have sifted to measure to the right weight, and then stencil the label on the box. Once the distribution manager is pleased with their work, he will give them their next clue.

1- Rachel/Dave choose Pachyderm
2- Vanessa/Ralph choose Pachyderm
3- Brendon/Rachel choose Pachyderm
4- Art/JJ choose Pack a Box

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ

Teams find now that they must take a ferry to the Cheena Vala Fishing Nets, the PIT STOP of the tenth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win $10000 each.
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Vanessa/Ralph
4- Art/JJ
5- Bopper/Mark

And Bopper and Mark are eliminated. And now I have no one to root for.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Brendon/Rachel
3rd – Vanessa/Ralph
4th – Art/JJ
Next week: Two hour finale! Tempers flare! We visit a Japanese game show! And in the final leg, one team neglects to complete a task and tries to check in at the finish line! See you then!
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TAR20, Recap Leg 9, 4/22/12

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on U-Turn-A-Palooza, teams continued racing through Tanzania, and encountered a double U-Turn. Rachel and Dave broke their promise, so Art and JJ U-turned team Big Brother, and were annoyed that they had to do it. Kentucky finished first, “Teachers” finished last and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Bopper/Mark, The Kentucky Hillbillies
2nd – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
3rd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
4th – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
5th – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees

Lake Manyara, Tanzania

9:06 PM Bopper/Mark (1st)
Clue: Fly 2900 miles to Cochin, India! Once there, make your way to Rajiv Ghandi Municipal Bus Terminal and take a bus to Sacred Heart College in Thevara to get your next clue.

Bopper called for medical attention to have his knee looked at. (Toyouke: “Uh oh. Doctor visit.”) It is proclaimed braceable.

9:07 PM Rachel/Dave (2nd)
9:32 PM Art/JJ (3rd)
11:55 PM Brendon/Rachel (4th)
7:18 AM Vanessa/Ralph (5th)

Teams must first go to a travel agent, Rickshaw Travels, and arrive in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave – and Dave proclaims that he could care less about Art and JJ. (Toyouke: “Dave, probably you should worry about your relationship with Rachel instead of your relationship with Art and JJ.”)
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph

When Kentucky arrives, they find a flight that arrives in Cochin at 6:05 am. Everyone books that flight, except Vanessa and Ralph, who happen to find a better flight. (Toyouke: “Ah...another flight.”) So, teams head to the airport and fly out in the following order:

Flight 1: Kilimanjaro to Nairobi to Cochin
1) Vanessa/Ralph

Flight 2: Kilimanjaro to Dar Es Salaam to Cochin
1) Bopper/Mark
2) Rachel/Dave
3) Art/JJ
4) Brendon/Rachel

The Amazing Red and Green Lines magically transport us to India, and teams arrive in the following order:

1- Vanessa/Ralph – who stop at information for bus time tables.
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Bopper/Mark
5- Art/JJ

Teams then make their way to the bus terminal. Teams board busses to Thevara in the following order:

Bus #1
1) Rachel/Dave

Bus #2
1) Brendon/Rachel
2) Art/JJ

Bus #3
1) Vanessa/Ralph

Bus #4
1) Bopper/Mark

Teams take the bus and complain about traffic and being tall. Teams then arrive in Thevara at Sacred Heart College in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Vanessa/Ralph
5- Bopper/Mark

We then get the eighth roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s got all the right moves?

In this roadblock, one team member must don Indian clothing and learn a Bollywood dance routine and perform it for cameras to the satisfaction of the director. Once complete, they will receive their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Phil! Why aren't you dancing?!“)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Rachel B
2- JJ – because Art refused after doing the bottle dance.
3- Rachel R
4- Vanessa
5- Mark – who takes TWELVE tries. (Toyouke: “I like that Bopper is level-headed enough to want to quit before Mark hurts himself. They both seem to be willing to give the other one a lot of slack but they'll push themselves past where they should stop. And I don't think he would have DIED...but quitting the Roadblock so you don't get heat stroke is certainly better than quitting because you can't spell Franz. And good for them for having their priorities straight.”)

So, I need to take a few moments and rail on the ridiculousness of people. First off, all Art does this ENTIRE challenge is complain about how this is “a women’s challenge” and “men aren’t built to move like that.” (Toyouke: “Art. Dudes can dance like chicks. Just not JJ.”) I could have gotten that dance on take 2 easily, and last time I checked, I was male. (Toyouke: “I would have loved for a man to blow through this Roadblock...but then I think of how you would blow through it and they'd just be like "well he's gay so it doesn't count". ARGH “) Plus, I think there were lots of Indian men up there dancing the dance just fine. On top of that, Rachel R gets emotional. Shocker there. But then she blames it on “women get emotional.” No, Rachel, you get emotional. (Toyouke: “I...I can't with this crap. Rachel, you are emotional because you are a child and you suck. Not because you are a girl. I am emotional all the damn time and I have never once blamed it on being a girl. Quit trying to manipulate Brandon into feeling sorry for you and go away.”) Tell your glitter to shut up.

ANYWAY, after dancing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ
5- Bopper/Mark

Teams are now instructed to take an auto rickshaw to Indian Coffee House and find the head waiter to get their next clue. Teams arrive and find the head waiter in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ
5- Bopper/Mark

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Cricket OR Clutch It
*Cricket: Teams travel to a nearby cricket stadium where each team member hits one ball bowled by a cricket pitcher past the boundary. Once complete, the coach gives them their next clue.
*Clutch It: Teams must travel to a driving school and each must complete a training course by driving an auto rickshaw. Once complete, the instructor will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “OK, they made Phil do the Detours. However "Cricket or Clutch It" is a pretty stupid Detour name.”)

1- Rachel/Dave choose Clutch It
2- Vanessa/Ralph choose Clutch It
3- Brendon/Rachel choose Cricket
4- Art/JJ choose Cricket – (Toyouke: “The post-production team really had fun with this episode. As shown by the Indian-flavored "Take Me Out to the Ballgame".”)
5- Bopper/Mark choose Clutch It

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Vanessa/Ralph
5- Bopper/Mark

Teams find now that they must make their way to Bolgatty Palace, the PIT STOP of the ninth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win a trip for two to Saint Lucia, and their fifth first place finish.
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Vanessa/Ralph
5- Bopper/Mark

And Bopper and Mark are so ready to go home. But then Phil tells them it’s the third nonelimination leg and they are still in the race. You can tell they are disappointed.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Brendon/Rachel
3rd – Art/JJ
4th – Vanessa/Ralph
5th – Bopper/Mark

Next week: We stay in India. There is tiger dancing, the return of the Hair Shaving Fast Forward (Toyouke: “I will enjoy laughing at Rachel, it sounds like.”), and Vanessa pops her leg out. Until next time!


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TAR20, Recap Leg 8, 4/16/12

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on A Whole Lot of Bickering Going On, teams raced from Baku to Kilimanjaro, Tanzania. The big result of last episode was the ten minutes of unnecessary bickering that ensued. Rachel and Dave got their fourth first place finish, Nary and Jamie finished last but were not eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Bopper/Mark, The Kentucky Hillbillies
3rd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
4th – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
5th – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees
6th – Nary/Jamie, The Fembots

Simba-B Campsite, Ngorongoro Crater, Tanzania

6:03 AM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Have your driver take you 1600 feet into the Ngorongoro Crater to Safari Junction in Karatu. Once their, teams should find Hillary Clington to get their next clue.

6:05 AM Bopper/Mark (2nd) – Bopper informs us that he hurt his knee on leg seven.
6:23 AM Art/JJ (3rd) – Art: "JJ the lion!" JJ: "Get away from me."
6:48 AM Brendon/Rachel (4th) – Rachel: “Let them drink their haterade!” (Toyouke: “Shut up Rachel. "Haterade" is not a word.”) Rachel: “I wish I could just quit the race now and stay in Africa forever.” (Toyouke: “Hey, yeah! Stay in Africa! Forever!”)
7:18 AM Vanessa/Ralph (5th)
9:21 AM Nary/Jamie (6th)

There is much oohing and aahing in the crater, but then teams make their way to Karatu and find Hillary Clington in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Bopper/Mark
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Water Supply OR Air Supply
*Water Supply: Teams must find a residence and pick up nine empty containers to take to the local fresh water supply and fill. Once they have waited for their water, they return to the residence and get their next clue.
*Air Supply: Teams must travel to a local bike shop and repair a bicycle by removing the inner tube without the tire, checking for and repairing the leak, and returning the inner tube to the bike. Once the bike could be ridden, teams would get their next clue.

(Kmanpat: “They don’t appear to be all out of love. . .”)

1- Rachel/Dave choose Air Supply
2- Bopper/Mark choose Air Supply – Bopper: “Mark’s got mechanic hands!”
3- Art/JJ choose Water Supply – (Toyouke: “While I do like that they aren't letting racers cut in line at the watering place, that is an unexpected delay. But good for the boys for using math to figure out how long it would take. And also for figuring it would take that long to get back so they should stay where they were.”)
4- Brendon/Rachel Air Supply
5- Vanessa/Ralph choose Air Supply
6- Nary/Jamie choose Air Supply

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

Teams are now instructed to travel on foot to Jack Stelzer Pub.

CAUTION: DOUBLE U-TURN AHEAD

This is a Double U-Turn. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is doubled, meaning two teams may U-Turn two other teams. This is the first double U-Turn of the Race.

1- Bopper/Mark choose not to U-Turn
2- Rachel/Dave choose not to U-Turn – which is curious, since they agreed to do so back in Bavaria.
3- Art/JJ choose to U-Turn Brendon/Rachel – because, clearly, Rachel and Dave must have not been through yet. (Toyouke: “While I don't think you are U-Turning Rachel and Brandon for the right reasons, you know that's going to backfire.”)
4- Brendon/Rachel have been U-Turned and choose to U-Turn Vanessa/Ralph
5- Vanessa/Ralph have been U-Turned
6- Nary/Jamie cannot U-Turn

So, teams continue through the U-Turn as necessary, and complete additional tasks, which causes teams to leave the U-Turn officially in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

Teams are now instructed to make their way to Gem Gallery and Arts for their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Bopper/Mark
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

However, once they arrive, Nary and Jamie find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must arrange artwork in a display to match a provided schematic. Once complete, teams can move on to the next task.

(Toyouke: “This Speed Bump isn't terribly complicated, but it certainly beats some previous Speed Bumps.”)

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Nary/Jamie

After much arranging, they continue with the rest of the teams to the next task in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

Teams are instructed to make their way to Mto Wa Mbu and find Margaret’s Farm. Teams arrive at the farm in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

We then get the seventh roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

To bee or not to bee?

In this roadblock, one team member must put on a protective bee suit and harvest 500 grams of honey from the hives. Once complete, they will receive their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Mark
2- Dave
3- Art – “I’m like Winnie the Pooh!” (Toyouke: “You aren't like Winnie the Pooh. Bears get into beehives to eat bees and larvae.”)
4- Rachel R. – “I’m like Winnie the Pooh!” (Toyouke: “OH MY GOD YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT LIKE WINNIE THE POOH!”)
5- Ralph
6- Nary

After much honey harvesting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

Teams find now that they must make their way to Lake Manyara, the PIT STOP of the eighth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Bopper/Mark – who win a trip for two to Hawaii.
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

And Nary and Jamie are last again, but this time they are eliminated. They will remain best friends!

ORDER NOW:
1st – Bopper/Mark
2nd – Rachel/Dave
3rd – Art/JJ
4th – Brendon/Rachel
5th – Vanessa/Ralph

Next week: Fighting. And Mark can’t handle Bollywood. Until next time!


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TAR20, Recap Leg 7, 4/8/12

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Baku to Basics, teams raced from Germany to Baku, Azerbaijan. There were enemies formed and lies told. The Meatheads were eliminated, preparing us for animosity, accusations and Africa. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
3rd – Bopper/Mark, The Kentucky Hillbillies
4th – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
5th – Nary/Jamie, The Fembots
6th – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees

Esplanade Estakada, Baku, Azerbaijan

9:15 PM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Fly to Kilimanjaro, Tanzania!

10:45 PM Art/JJ (2nd)
10:55 PM Bopper/Mark (3rd)
10:56 PM Brendon/Rachel (4th) - (Toyouke: "Shut up, Rachel's headband.")
11:32 PM Nary/Jamie (5th) – And we learn that Jamie was in a training accident and Nary never left her side while she recovered. Yeah, sad story usually doesn’t bode well for later.
11:35 PM Vanessa/Ralph

Everyone makes their way to the nearest travel agent in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ - who tell all the teams Nary and Jamie aren't really teachers. (Toyouke: "I love that no one believes Art and JJ.")
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Bopper/Mark – Bopper: “Ooh, free candy!”
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams arrive and get their tickets. All teams are on the 8:30 AM flight to Kilimanjaro via Nairobi.

So the Amazing Red Line rushes us to Kilimanjaro, with a stop in Nairobi in order to chime in on the bickering that ensues. (Toyouke: “Blah, blah, blah, Rachel calls Vanessa old and then says she never said anything bad and then cries without crying. Seriously, there are no tears.”) That was unnecessary. AND the teams arrive and get taxis in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Bopper/Mark
4- Rachel/Dave
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams now race via taxi to the Arusha Airstrip in order to sign up for one of three charter flights taking off within fifteen minutes of each other the next morning. Teams arrive in the following order:

Flight 1 – 9:30 AM
1) Art/JJ
2) Brendon/Rachel

Flight 2 – 9:45 AM
1) Bopper/Mark
2) Rachel/Dave

Flight 3 – 10:00 AM
1) Nary/Jamie
2) Vanessa/Ralph

Teams take off in their charter flights headed for the Ngorongoro Crater. Once the visually exciting flight ends, teams get their clues in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Bopper/Mark
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams are then instructed to choose a safari vehicle with a driver and direct him to the eastern edge of the Ngorongoro Crater to find a Maasai warrior to get their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Bopper/Mark
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Marksmanship OR Courtship
*Marksmanship: Teams must choose a pair of bicycles and travel to Soneto Village and dress in traditional clothing. Once there, teams use a rungu to destroy a pair of targets. Once complete, teams receive their next clue.
*Courtship: Teams must choose a pair of bicycles and travel to Soneto Village and dress in traditional clothing. Once there, teams must complete a Maasai courting ritual called adumu, which involves jumping up and down for one minute. Once complete, teams receive their next clue.

1- Art/JJ choose Marksmanship
2- Brendon/Rachel choose Courtship
3- Rachel/Dave choose Marksmanship
4- Bopper/Mark choose Courtship
5- Nary/Jamie choose Marksmanship
6- Vanessa/Ralph choose Marksmanship

(Toyouke: "Why...would you not choose to jump up and down for a minute?")

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel
2- Art/JJ
3- Bopper/Mark
4- Rachel/Dave
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams are now instructed to direct their driver to take them to Simba-A Campsite. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Bopper/Mark
4- Art/JJ
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Vanessa/Ralph

Teams must now choose a truck and unload all of the materials necessary to construct a safari tent, complete with bush shower. Once complete, teams will be able to travel to the Pit Stop.

Teams complete the tents in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Bopper/Mark
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/JAmie

Teams find now that they must make their way to Simba-B Campsite, the PIT STOP of the seventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win a trip for two to Costa Rica, and their fourth first place finish.
2- Bopper/Mark
3- Art/JJ
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Nary/Jamie

And Nary and Jamie are last, so they stop to watch the elephants before they check in at the Pit Stop. But when they do, they find that it’s the second nonelimination leg of three, and they will have a Speed Bump on the next leg of the race.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Bopper/Mark
3rd – Art/JJ
4th – Brendon/Rachel
5th – Vanessa/Ralph
6th – Nary/Jamie

Next week: Nary and Jamie fight for their lives in the game. They should be fine. . . until the Double U-Turn! Until next time!


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