Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Hell's Kitchen 6/26/12--"12 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: We finally finished that dinner service with the fashion show, which was not exciting, but since the men are all horndogs this season we had to listen to all of them drool over the models. Whatever. The women did reasonably well, even though Tiffany wasn’t so hot and Robyn ran out of beef. The men had to deal with Clemenza getting slammed on the fish station and the rest of them not really helping. In the end, Clemenza’s passion and ability to stand up for himself saved him from elimination, and Guy went home. (click for more)   

Clemenza doesn’t care that he has no friends on his team. Patrick, for no reason, takes him aside back in the dorms and bitches at him some more. Or praises him? Who knows. I find Patrick to be kind of weird.
In the morning, Clemenza promises to be ready to go. Today they will have to adapt. When the challenge starts, they have to open the domes, and grab a protein from whatever is there. Every few minutes, they have to grab something else. 30 minutes to cook. Second dome is starches. They’re supposed to collaborate on what goes with what so everyone can make something, but Dana says “First come, first serve, bitches” and says she wants to shine for herself. Justin is making ravioli with lasagna noodles and monkfish mousse. Kimmie also has lasagna noodles, but she doesn’t know what to do with them. She wants everyone to talk about who will get what out of the next dome, even though they have no idea what will be in there. She decides to just take whatever she wants. Kimmie practically pushes people. The women shove each other to snatch things, while the men (plus Roshni) seem slightly more civilized. Ramsey tells everyone to make sure they use everything they took. Robyn complains about beets being too “earthy”. The last dome is “wild card” so it’s like, shrimp, cheese, quail eggs, whatever. Roshni opens a wine bottle with her teeth which makes me wince every time. Royce says he loves his dish. So it must suck.
Ramsey has guest judges with Michelin stars, which he is kind of obsessed with, but the judges are Anita Lo, Douglas Keane, and Michael Cimarusti. Anita, slumming it on Fox. Each dish gets between one and three stars. Tiffany: monkfish with tarragon cous cous and brown butter sauce. And quail eggs. Delicious and well cooked. 6 stars total for her. Justin: roasted monkfish with the ravioli and heirloom tomato salad. It ended up working, to everyone’s surprise. 6 stars for him too. Barbie: pan roasted guinea hen with potato shrimp hash. She only gets 5 stars, as Michael didn’t like it. Why not? Why won’t you let him explain? Sigh. Clemenza: herb roasted hen with grilled zucchini and herb roasted potatoes. Michael seems impressed that such a large man would put out such an elegant-looking dish. Heh. It’s a little too spicy. Same 5 stars. Still a tie! Shocking! Roshni: turkey roulade with celeriac and carrot slaw. Sadly the turkey is dry and she only gets 3 stars. Kimmie has Cajun turkey breast pasta. 3 stars for you too.

Dana: lemon herb veal chop. Nice. 6 stars. Brian: “ethnic fusion” veal shop. He tries to introduce his dish by talking in multiple languages, which is stupid, but the veal is cooked well. 6 stars. OK, show, I know when the last people come up you want to have a tie. But couldn’t you have made some of these uneven? Do we ALWAYS have to be in a tie? I mean really. Robyn: pork tenderloin which is supposed to have beets but she actually says “I hate beets”. So they are not on the plate. Ramsey tells her she’s dumb for admitting to “esteemed” judges that she hates something, so she says “I’m sorry judges, I couldn’t have any more love for the beets”. At least I think that’s what she said. It’s stupid either way. Only 3 stars because the whole dish is sad. Patrick of course loves his ingredients, and we don’t even have to know what’s in his dish, he gets 6 stars and so the men are up by 3. Royce: poached lobster in saffron and thyme, but we‘ve already seen him talking about how great it is, so I assume he fails. Immediately one of the judges pulls out a hair. Ouch. Royce’s only saving grace is that it’s like 12 inches long, which is even longer than Roshni’s. Also Royce has not removed the “shit sack”. 3 stars. Christina: steamed lobster tail with heirloom tomatoes. Delicious, but can she get more than 6 stars? Of course! The women win by one point. And Christina actually can claim she won it for the team, as she had the only dish with 3 stars, plus it’s going to be on the menu for the next service. Women get to go to a spa. Men have to prep both kitchens, and clean the dorms. Robyn and Barbie decide to rub it in and start bitching that the dorm bathroom smells like urine and is full of hair somehow. Also the red team gets a “surprise”: everyone gets cookware. Woo.
The spa is pretty sweet. The men complain, sort of. As the women soak in tubs in their swimsuits, Barbie says she doesn’t want to get in the tub because she doesn’t want to share “bodily fluids” with anyone. They’re not even naked. But I have to say, Robyn in confessional looks rough. I don’t know if it’s the curly hair or what, but she suddenly looks 5 years older. Anyway, Robyn says Barbie is just ignorant anyway.
When the women get back for service, Robyn asks Barbie about a salad. I think. Barbie doesn’t even answer, and then says “You’re working that station, aren’t you?” I guess Barbie doesn’t feel she needs to answer anything and Robyn should know. Robyn says she’s never worked that station before so that’s why she’s asking. Then she ruins it by muttering about Barbie and how she needs to “sink or swim” and whatever. They edit it like Barbie totally heard her, but then they go to commercial so who knows. See? When we get back from commercial we don’t even mention it.
Ramsey announces there will be special guests in the “chef’s tables”, which are inside the kitchen. The men will have Tito Ortiz, who is a mixed martial artist, I think. Women will have Sugar Ray Leonard. Robyn and Justin will be taking care of the special guests. Clemenza knows his team is looking to get rid of him, so he needs to do well, but the first dish is undercooked pasta. Christina brings up delicious risotto, so they’re doing better. Brian points out that Clemenza, as an Italian, should know what he’s doing with pasta. He does get appetizers out.
VIPs arrive. Christina’s station is right next to the table, so she fears for her safety. “I’m sure his wife can throw a punch too”. Heh. Sadly, her risotto is undercooked. Brian is doing stupid shadowboxing dancing moves, but then he brings up soupy risotto. Tito is smirking. I have the feeling he agreed to be the VIP so he could have a front-row seat for watching donuts get yelled at by Ramsey. That’s why I would go, anyway. Seriously, now he is outright laughing. Christina’s second attempt is perfect. Brian’s second attempt is also perfect. Cheesy Rocky-esque music plays as Brian goes over and apologizes for screwing up the first time, and then does his stupid shadowboxing footwork, complete with sound effects. Tito just shakes his head, as one does with weirdoes.
Women are on entrees, and Tiffany is trying to see if her Wellingtons are done by inserting a paring knife, then testing the temperature. It’s not a bad idea, except she puts the knife on her lower lip and then puts it back in the steak. When she gets yelled at, for some reason Robyn pipes up and agrees with Ramsey that it’s unsanitary. No one asked you. Barbie gets yelled at for standing around. Roshni is on meat, and serves up raw Wellington and overcooked steak. Roshni promises this is not her best. Heh, Tito is laughing at them. Clemenza offers to help her. Robyn schmoozes the VIPs and tells them her life story for no reason.  They look irritated, while Robyn is convinced they love her. Tiffany kicks Barbie off her (Tiffany’s) station. Tiffany claims to not need help, but the Wellingtons are raw and the pastry is falling off. In the middle of Ramsey yelling at everyone, Barbie shoves her way around everyone with a pan of Wellingtons, saying she’s going to go put them in the oven. Ramsey is still yelling at you. Tiffany says she IS organized, Barbie is picking up food that is cooked, and Ramsey just tells Tiffany she needs to say so. I think she did. Roshni is in the weeds, but she claims she’s fighting back. Somehow the meat is fine, but Patrick’s lobster is cold. Tiffany’s second attempt is perfect, and Ramsey tells her basically to be consistent. He says “What’s next?” and she says “Uhh…a perfect Wellington, chef?” Hee. Ramsey just walks away. The women are back on track. Patrick’s lobster is cold again, so he gets kicked out. Wait…he kicked EVERYONE out. The whole Blue team is removed, Ramsey saying he’ll do it himself. Wow. Robyn thanks people for their help, as they finish service and run over to serve the Blue team’s tables. The women argue more, and are more annoying overall, but I must admit they do seem able to ignore all of it to get shit done.
As the men are up in the dorms, Chef Scott comes for a visit. Oh, man, this should be fantastic. Awwww, he’s only there to send them downstairs. Ramsey meets them in the hallway, telling them they aren’t fit to set foot in the kitchen and that the women are so much better than they are. Obviously they are the losers. Patrick, although he screwed up twice, puts up Clemenza and Brian for appetizers. Justin and Roshni nod, because as long as your name is not mentioned, people pretty much agree with anything. Clemenza says that’s stupid, as does Brian, who puts up Patrick and Roshni. Roshni points out only one of her tables got sent back. We don’t see Patrick stand up for himself.
Brian is up for elimination, he says because his teammates said the first ticket slowed them down, and that was his fault. Ramsey is confused, and actually says that doesn’t make any sense. Clemenza is the second nominee, and Ramsey is still confused. The appetizers were not the problem. Ramsey accuses the men’s team of not taking this seriously, and just names Roshni and Patrick as the worst. Haven’t you figured this out yet? Ramsey is just going to do whatever he feels like anyway. You can’t get rid of people you don’t like, unless they also suck at cooking. Patrick claims to be a good leader. Roshni says she’s improved since she switched teams, and is a team player. Also the first night she was on this team, she and Brian finished dinner service by themselves. True that. Ramsey asks everyone who should go home, and everyone says Roshni but Royce, because of course Royce wants to take Patrick’s place as leader. Roshni yells at everyone about that one service when she didn’t get kicked out, and the women applaud, but seriously? You know she’s only doing it because that’s what Clemenza did yesterday and Ramsey kept him around. So now everyone is going to insist they are not done, they’re fighters, yell at everyone else that they are good enough, whatever. But this time it doesn’t help, because Roshni gets eliminated. Ramsey is nice to her, though, and tells her she has heart and hold your head high. Roshni is upset, and she points out that she never got involved in all the bullshit, which would be a really good point on any other show. Blue team! Don’t fuck with me! Fuck off! Patrick says Royce has it out for him, as if he only just now realized that. Brian thinks everyone is threatened by him.
Next time: Royce is annoying, everyone is pissed, it looks like they have one of those challenges where they have to pick one dish not to serve and of course it is great, Kimmie raps (ugh) and then burns herself.

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