Monday, June 18, 2012

Hell's Kitchen 6/18/12--"14 Chefs Compete" summary

    Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Don lost and Roshni switched teams. In other news, how come sometimes the title of the episode is “# Chefs COMPETE” and other times “# Chefs REMAIN”? Also the women seem to all hate each other, while the men are at least pretending to be a team. (click for more)

   Brian kind of freaks out at how close he was to being eliminated. Roshni says she really doesn’t care what color team she is. The men don’t seem to mind she’s there, as they sometimes do. Dana and Danielle bitch about Robyn, and Kimmie. Kimmie says Dana and Danielle are always going to support each other and Christina is being sucked in. Strangely enough, the first huge fight of the season was Robyn vs. Barbie, and now they’re sitting next to each other commiserating with Kimmie.

    The announcer pretends everyone is more focused today. Ramsey says he would love to focus on a new cuisine: Mexican. Real Mexican? Probably not. Brian claims he’s all over it. Aaaannnd now there is a giant donkey piñata. Scott carries it in, even though it’s about as big as he is. Robyn says, and I quote, “I definitely want to take a whack at Chef Scott’s ass!” Ramsey says they’ll make five “Mexican classics” into fine dining. Now there are balls? With ingredients? Each team has 90 seconds to grab as many balls as they can, up to 25. They just drop balls from the ceiling. So WTF is the piñata for?! Brian is looking for specific ingredients. Ball-related puns abound.

    35 minutes! Go! Your dishes are things like tacos and enchiladas. Each person has to make a dish, but then the team will pick out five to serve. That is so that someone can be offended and start a fight, and someone can get outvoted and have their dish be awesome. Brian is still talking about how great he is, using sexual metaphors, so the editors put in some slo-mo footage with porno music. Heh. Danielle seems to be flailing, but they have six people, so can’t they just leave her dish out? Seriously. Of course, since Brian has been talking about how great he is, he gets outvoted and isn’t serving.

    Thomas Ortega, who looks vaguely familiar, is a guest judge. You know, I think he just looks like Kevin from “Top Chef“. Also John Sedlar. Tacos first, Royce and Kimmie. Royce’s tortillas are too greasy, and Kimmie has used flour tortillas, but her flavors are good and strong so women get the point. Brian claims his tacos are better. Burritos, Danielle and Clemenza. Danielle’s burrito is falling apart and is hard to eat. Clemenza has put some Italian influences in his burrito, which goes over nicely. Tied up. Soup: Tiffany’s crab salsa soup, and Justin’s pickled shrimp tortilla soup. Neither of those sound appetizing. Both are good, but Tiffany gets the point. Enchilada: Christina’s is too boring, Patrick’s lobster is good. But you knew that would be the blue team, because now we have a tie. The last round is tostadas: Roshni and Dana. Dana’s tuna and watermelon blend nicely. Roshni’s chili crab has great spices. Now, even though the two guest judges have voted together for every other dish, they are split. Finally, after commercials, Ramsey gives the win to the women. Patrick’s Jedi mind powers don’t work. The women get lunch and “a big surprise”. Men will prep both kitchens, including making salsa.    

    Brian is still pissed because he thinks if he had served his dish, he could have gotten them the win. The women drink and rave about the food. Men’s lunch is tripe, I think. Clemenza is like, hey cool. Nice. Everyone else bitches. The “big surprise” is salsa lessons for the women. Kimmie says “in the South” they “bounce”, they don’t dance. For some reason everyone in confessional has a stupid sombrero and maracas and dumb offensive props. Clemenza asks Patrick a question, and Patrick ignores him, so Clemenza gets mad. Patrick seems to feel he shouldn’t have to direct Clemenza so much, but if someone asks you “Are you done over here?” then saying “Yeah” is not “having to lead them around by the hand“.

    Finally everyone is relaxing, and Royce is still bitching about the tacos. I think it’s Royce, he’s got his hoodie on and is trying to be street. Tiffany mostly ignores him and interviews that she’s got a “no bitching” policy. Like, 15 minutes and part of a bottle later, she’s over by Kimmie and Robyn. But she is so plastered she’s telling them that Danielle and Christina were talking. How are you so drunk you mistake Royce for a woman, but you’re still vertical? Kimmie BELIEVES the plastered woman, so I guess she’s not that smart either.

    In the morning, Robyn confronts the other women, for some reason, and of course they all deny it because no one said anything. Robyn accuses all of them of lying. Tiffany looked pretty crazy before, but now that this has aired I hope she feels ashamed. That’s pretty drunk. They all have a sit-down and Kimmie says they’re bitches, and everyone says they didn’t say anything. Tiffany sits in the corner and looks vaguely guilty, because no one has mentioned her name and I would bet she’s realizing how drunk she was and that she might have fucked up. Kimmie tries to threaten Dana, but Dana is not threatened. Kimmie calls them all lying bitches, so I hope she is ashamed now too.

    Clemenza tries to get the guys to be gentlemen and not curse since Roshni is around. Mariachi band! Ha! It’s like they learned about Mexico from Chevy’s. There’s some new dishes, just to throw everyone. Right away Barbie screws up the mussels (specifically the sauce). Guy serves cold tuna, right after his interview about how he won’t screw up. The second try is successful, so the men seem to be doing well. Barbie is also successful, so people are actually getting food. The women try to serve a bunch of things all together, but apparently you can’t put meat and fish on the same tray, so they get chastised. That’s Kimmie’s fault, as Dana said “Are you putting all this on one thing?” and Kimmie said “Yeah” as she put things on the tray. But of course Kimmie is claiming it’s Dana’s fault, so they both refuse to admit to Ramsey that they did it. Kimmie finally admits it, but then gets bitchy to everyone, and actually says to Robyn “I did not put that shit on there, you saw that, right?” THERE IS A CAMERA ON YOU AT ALL TIMES, YOU MORON. They yell at each other, and Tiffany tells them both to shut up and get the food out.

    The men overcook some steak, and Guy gets yelled at, and then Patrick gets yelled at too, because he said he was going to lead. Danielle is audibly bragging about how great her pork is, so of course it is raw in the center. I don’t think it looks that bad, but I will eat slightly pink pork if I’m at a nice enough restaurant, so maybe I’m not the best judge. Robyn says Ramsey was so pissed, she felt bad for the pig. Patrick has to put his chicken back in the oven, so it’s late, and Guy has sliced the steak. Ramsey says he shouldn’t have sliced the steak, so Guy is mad at Patrick now. They both get a “Piss off!” Patrick cries in interview about getting kicked out of the kitchen. Danielle serves some more pork, and as Ramsey checks it you can see pretty much the whole team is watching him to see if it’s any good. They all seem to tell her to start another order, and that’s a good thing because it is raw. Danielle gets kicked out.

    An hour and fifteen minutes, and no entrees from either kitchen. Clemenza says the pork needs more time, and Justin is like “here it is”. Clemenza knows it’s not cooked, but Justin puts it up anyway, so Ramsey kicks them both out which I think is unfair. Barbie is trying to take the temperature of her chicken, to make sure it’s done, but Ramsey catches her at it and kicks her out too. Tiffany smugs that she’s stupid for not being able to cook chicken, and then brings up burnt mashed potatoes and leaves too. Ramsey announces to everyone left that he doesn’t care if everyone goes home. Royce burns some chicken, or the skin, or something, so he’s goes next. Roshni and Brian are left to fend for themselves, and even though Ramsey threatens them something fierce they get some tables out. The women somehow manage to get their act together too, and both teams finish.

    Ramsey is disgusted with everyone. He singles out Kimmie, who throws Dana under the bus. Dana denies it, and they show the footage to back her up. Kimmie rolls her eyes. Patrick says he’s not tired, but Ramsey is tired of you! Everyone loses! Be embarrassed! Clemenza does admit they should all be mortified. It looks like the men are drinking Mountain Dew out of wine glasses. Royce and Brian and everyone vote Patrick and Guy. Patrick responds in confessional that they’re just afraid of him, but meanwhile he leaves the table and starts working out with the punching bag. Oo, threatening. Kimmie starts us off by claiming Barbie’s problems go beyond a thermometer, and also claiming that if this was “the hood”, she would have kicked Barbie’s ass by now. Danielle doesn’t think she screwed up royally, and Dana sticks up for her. Dana, Christina, and Danielle go into the bedroom and discuss their alliance, which seems to be a pretty stupid move. There are four people still out in the living room. They outnumber you. Don’t you watch “Survivor”? Christina doesn’t know what to do because she will at least admit Danielle serving raw pork is pretty bad.

    The men put up Patrick and Guy, while the women put up Barbie and Danielle. Patrick says he’s consistent and professional, and just made a poor decision. Also he is not beat. Guy also claims to have been solid and a fighter. Danielle for some reason says she put herself on a new station because she wanted to stand out. Barbie doesn’t think she should be up at all anyway, and Ramsey agrees and sends her back to the group. Stupid! To be continued!

    Next time: Royce seems to fail, but he also tells everyone he be the leader if they want, which implies Patrick is out. Kimmie and Robyn now hate each other.

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