Top Chef 11/7/12--"The Ultimate Chef Test" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: There was a very long season full of obnoxious people and really no one to root for except a former pothead. I mean really. (click for more)

           

Montage of clips…from the episode we’re about to watch. Sigh. The prize is the same, although they do some product placement to talk about the money, so expect that product placement challenge.

           

Some guy talks about how awesome he is and everyone hates him. Whatever dude. A girl with an accent has a crush on Tom. Hee. Tom’s going to test them the same way he tests chefs he’s going to hire. Everyone gets into the kitchen so Tom can watch them work with others and do basic prep work and stuff. Lizzie (the girl with the accent) has to make tortellini. She’s done it before. Anthony breaks down ducks with a paring knife. He misses some stuff. Cocky guy (whom Tom already knows, heh) is breaking down salmon and continues to talk about how great he is and he’s overcome addiction and whatever. Micah filets bass and says he went from a line cook to an executive chef. Tom shows him how to filet the fish properly. A guy with a hipster mustache is told to cut up chickens. Seriously, he’s waxed his mustache. He starts butchering the chicken, but then I guess he does it wrong? Tom thinks he should have asked. I think he was taking the breasts off the bone.

           

Emeril is in Vegas doing the same thing. Five chefs, and he’s going to pick some out. They must make soup. One hour. Two girls know each other already, to the point where they have matching spoon tattoos. Nothing exciting is happening and not all these people are going to make it so I’m not really inclined to write a bunch of stuff down. One guy says he’s going to make chilled gazpacho, but how are you going to get it cold? You don’t have time for that. Another guy with another mustache (what is the deal with that?) says his wife is expecting. If he gets on the show he’ll miss the birth. Gazpacho guy has a shallow pan, over ice, in the freezer. Mustache guy finishes so early he’s worried about his soup being cold. I mean, like 10 minutes early. Finally time is up.

           

Stephanie: cauliflower soup with corn, lobster, and pea tendril. It’s good, although Emeril wants more cauliflower. Tina: shellfish and chorizo soup with croutons and garlic mayonnaise. It’s also good. Kristen: English pea broth, lemon peel, apple, seared scallop. She’s poached things three times so it’s not bitter. Jeffrey: chilled watermelon and tomato gazpacho, peppers, scallop and salmon belly ceviche. It is actually cold. Emeril doesn’t waste time and tells him to grab a coat. Nice. Kmanpat will be pleased. He was cute. Josh: roasted corn and coconut soup with mussels. It’s a little sweet.

           

Everyone else has to go to the dining room. One of the girls says Emeril never said how he was going to pick, so they were worried when Jeffrey went through so quickly. Stephanie and Kristen already know each other, but Stephanie doesn’t make it. Tina is also cut. Kristen and Josh are through to Seattle with Jeffrey.

           

Back to Tom. He wants to see the chefs in a real-world situation, to see if they choke or not. He says they’re serving regular customers, and he’ll stop them quick if they screw up. John brings up some halibut, and the regular chef (I’m not sure of his title, whoever is the one that actually works for Tom) says he’s done fine. Tom pulls John aside and tells him he’s made it through. John waits until he’s through the door before celebrating so the other chefs don’t know if he did well or if Tom kicked him out. Heh. John was the guy with the attitude, so at least he seems to be able to back it up.

           

Wolfgang Puck is a judge this season. I guess. Everyone kind of freaks out. Wolfgang says his first chef asked him to make an omelet, and it was so horrible the chef said “this is like shitting in your own bed”. Ha! So everyone has to make omelets. He emphasizes it must look perfect. 45 minutes. Wow, that seems like a lot.

           

Daniel brags about how great he is and Yelp loves him. Tyler is still kind of freaking out. Kuniko (Japan represent!) says her family wasn’t supportive of her being a chef. Wolfgang tells some random girl to make red meat. That seems like an unfair advantage for her. Wolfgang says he’s an easy guy as long as you do exactly what he wants. Some girl thinks everyone is calling her a bitch. Wolfgang says the stove is like a woman: it never does what it’s supposed to do. SIGH. A different girl tries a test omelet, but the pan is too hot and it’s brown. But she doesn’t have any more vegetables so she has to scrape off what she has to reuse. Someone has a greasy omelet. More than one person is covering up their crappy looking omelet with a salad or vegetables or something.

           

Tyler: bacon, shallot, asparagus, roasted red pepper. And a salad to cover the brown. Luckily for him, the crispy potatoes in the salad are good. Kuniko: chamomile milk, morel mushrooms, ham. Daniel: wild forest mushrooms, with an oyster, bacon, and pea salad. “If I was eating it in the dark I would like it.” Heh. Chrissy: “torta” with lobster, bacon, caramelized onion, fennel. Eliza: mushroom, omelet with fennel tomato reduction and NY strip steak. It is a steak, on top of eggs. Weird. Carla: Mediterranean omelet with salad. “It looks like a woman with a lot of makeup on.” Wolfgang tells them that they all did a good job, but one of them didn’t make it. So he’s nicer than Emeril because almost all of them made it through, except for Daniel. Everyone else cheers and jumps up and down.

           

Commercial interlude: Wolfgang demonstrates how to make omelets. Woo.

           

Hugh! This should be good and snarky. Some guy brags about his awards and representing Hawaii. Hugh tells them they have 45 minutes to make salad. It must be beautiful.

           

There is a guy from Belgium who has been knighted. What? A knight? Cool. Hugh asks if he wears a suit of armor in the kitchen. Danyele (GOD) is intimidated, I think because Hugh is hovering in the background. Running around.

           

Sheldon: fried Brussels sprouts with orange Thai vinaigrette. Bart: spiny lobster salad with beets, asparagus, and potatoes. A lot going on, but that’s what he wants. This is the knight, by the way. Brooke: kale salad with Brussels sprouts leaves and lemon vinaigrette. And fried kale on top, delicious. Hugh gives her a jacket on the spot. Sheldon and Bart freak out. Gina: sautéed and grilled zucchini with carrots, pea sprouts, and balsamic reduction. I think he says it’s “weedy” which makes me love Hugh a little more. Danyele: grilled watermelon and tomato salad with charred tomato vinaigrette. Gina gets cut, and everyone else can go through. Gina says she’s a “movement” and this was a mistake. What? Whatever.

           

Back to Tom. He’s got four chefs left. Anthony is tentative and appears to just be standing around. Micah has jumped in. Hipster mustache guy has over salted something. Tom calls them out to the patio to make his final decisions. Jorel (hipster mustache) gets cut. Anthony also gets cut for just not doing well. Everyone else gets to go to Seattle.

           

This season: running, roller derby, mud, yelling and fighting (obvs), judges going for mean comments. The usual.