Monday, July 16, 2012

Hell's Kitchen 7/16/12--"9 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: there was another “make a dish out of random ingredients” challenge. The men (and Robyn) won, which was nice to see. Everyone on the women’s team blamed Dana, but then nothing happened with that except Kimmie cried AGAIN and then made a bunch of empty threats about how she was going to kick Dana’s ass. AGAIN.  David Beckham also showed up but nothing came of that because he was super nice about everything. The men fail, the women save them and their tickets, everyone thinks they were fine. It’s like I’m watching the same episode over and over, except this time, no one said anything about Robyn. In fact, she seems to be getting some respect. Royce finally went home, and Clemenza almost did, but I think he’s probably on his last chance. But no more Royce, which is pretty great. (click for more)   

Ramsey makes a crack about how huge Clemenza’s jacket is, and Kimmie giggles as if she’s not also a large person. Robyn asks Clemenza to do her a favor and lead the team? Huh? Why doesn’t she want to do it herself? She “explains” she wants someone in her corner so she won’t go home. So she’s trying to flatter him? I think she says “seduce me” and then fake porn music plays. She knows Justin and Brian have a “bromance”, but Clemenza remembers all. Or so he claims. The women fill in part of the elimination that I don’t remember, namely that Robyn said she’d send Clemenza home. Christina is still irritated with Robyn. Tiffany is trying to “bury the hatchet” with Brian, since she kicked him off his station (at Ramsey’s orders) and he wasn’t happy. He tells her it’s because she treated him like he was crap, and she has a stupid look on her face about it. I guess she’s trying to convey how lame his argument is, but she just looks like an idiot. Tiffany interviews that he needs to get over it and it’s about “the customer”. Like suddenly she’s so concerned with customers after spending the last four or five services not caring about what she sent out. Justin jumps in and they edit it like Tiffany was speechless.
Ramsey says they are going to have some fun today. Uh oh. He says it’s weird eating competition time. Tiffany and Barbie from the women, and Brian and Justin from the men. Brian claims to have “a mighty mouth” which, not touching that one. More interesting is the fact that Ramsey asked for volunteers, and Tiffany and Justin did NOT volunteer. Justin’s not happy. There’s a big plate of wings in front of everyone. Ramsey has a plate too, which is funny because he’s totally not eating wings. He stops them right away, and says they’re dumb for thinking he’s participating, and then they bring in Joey Chestnut. A surprisingly skinny man. I wish they had gotten the Japanese guy. Dana says if Tiffany can eat as fast as she drink beers, they’ll win. Heh. 60 wings per team (I guess 60 just for Joey Chestnut). Winners get $500.
Wait, the counter looks like there are 60 wings for all four chefs to eat. And 60 for Joey. Tiffany looks sick. Joey wins, though, when the chefs still have 7 wings left. Now they have to get back in line, which is not great. Now it’s time for the blind taste test! After four of you just shoved hot wings in your mouths! Ha. The women have to sit someone out, and Kimmie immediately says she smoked this morning so she wants to sit out. What? First of all, as Dana quickly points out, everyone smoked this morning. Second, sit out Tiffany or Barbie! They can’t taste anything anyway. Kimmie’s really turning out to be all talk.
Brian claims to have trained for this, but not after eating wings. No one has gotten a perfect score, in all seasons of this show. Christina vs. Brian. Both of them get beets, they both say onion instead of shallots, Christina misses turkey (Tofu? What?), both get pineapple. So the guys are up 3 to 2. Barbie vs. Robyn. First up is grits. Robyn says rice, while Barbie says cauliflower. Sigh. All of a sudden Kimmie is scornful and says she shouldn’t have sat out. Well DUH. Terribly easy to talk a big game from the sidelines, isn’t it. They both also miss turnips and sea bass. Sadly Robyn misidentifies cilantro as tarragon. Dana mocks her. Tie score. Clemenza vs. Tiffany. They both think the lamb is chicken. Clemenza has no words. Sweet potato. Clemenza says mango. What? At least Tiffany says carrot. Eggplant is so confusing apparently that neither of them even wants to guess. Tiffany finally identifies walnuts so the women are up by one point. Dana vs. Justin. Scallops up first. Dana thinks it’s tofu. Justin nails it. Both get fig, both get radish. The last thing is a sunchoke, which is pretty hard, I think, but it’s on the menu as far as I know. Dana misses it, but Justin is the first contestant ever to get a perfect score and the men win. Dana wonders if he cheated. Winners get to go to a waterpark, which has been shut down just for them. Women have to fetch deliveries and restock the kitchens.
The whole truck is full of identical boxes of…something. Kimmie (and whoever) have carefully stacked boxes to block the exit, except they left space for people to squeeze through so, great job. The men and Robyn have a great time. Women are unloading ice. They don’t seem to be making a big deal about checking the deliveries so I guess that’s not a deal this time. Tiffany drops a bag of ice on the floor. Barbie is stacking ice at the back end of the truck, which means taking the bags off the pallets and moving them the length of the truck. It makes sense to have someone doing that, because otherwise you have to climb in and out of the truck all the time. Kimmie declares Barbie is shirking, as she stands in the entryway hollering at her. Then she says she’s “had it” and goes out to bitch at her and kick her out of the truck. They continue to yell at each other and try to compare how much they’ve been working. Barbie gets in the line that Kimmie hasn’t worked a day in her life and her ass shows it. Ooo. That’s pretty dirty. It’s also not necessarily true, but I am not as pissed as I would be if I liked Kimmie. Kimmie responds by shouting “Lazy bitch!” and applauding Barbie for walking up stairs. See, that’s why I’m not pissed at all. Christina tells them both to shut up. Brian insists he wants to be scared shitless, and decides to go on the giant slide. Clemenza refuses to join him. He manages to splash everyone when he lands, but Brian thinks it was the greatest thing ever. Women have to grind peppercorns, with a mortar and pestle. Really? You expect me to believe that not only are they doing that ahead of time, but by hand? They also have to drain and refill the fryers and peel potatoes. The men return with no trash talk.
As the women relax and hang out, there’s another delivery. Hilariously, it’s in a van that says “Midnight Delivery” on the side. There’s just one box, which says to open immediately. It ends up being an iPad with a video from Ramsey, telling them they’re coming up with the menu for tomorrow: three appetizers, three entrees, and three desserts. Red team vs. Blue team. The women want to make beet salad with frisee, and flatbread, and whatever Kimmie suggests gets shot down. She just sits there looking irritated, but not saying anything. Finally she tells them they’ve been shooting down all her ideas, but then no one reacts to that. Robyn also has a ton of ideas but Justin keeps telling her they’re not good and he says she has no fine dining experience. Brian just agrees with whatever Justin says. He says ring molds are 1980s, as he wants to stuff squash blossoms with scallops or whatever. Clemenza has noticed the Justin/Brian duo. Kimmie offers to do a BBQ sauce on rib eye, and Dana is horrified she would put sauce on a steak. Tiffany says what if she puts red wine in her sauce, and Kimmie insists that she does already. They all look at her funny and say they thought her sauce was “Asianish”. Was it? I’ve forgotten already. Dana thinks Kimmie’s taking it personally, except that they haven’t shown anyone else getting shot down. The other women insist on not calling it barbeque sauce, which I guess is lowbrow. Kimmie can’t just be glad with what victory she has. Justin knows his team has to execute properly.
Kimmie makes a big deal about asking a ton of questions, and I can’t tell if she really has no idea what’s going on (as Barbie claims) or if she’s trying to cover her ass in case the dishes suck. She asks Tiffany to taste her sauce, and she and Christina don’t like it. Finally it passes approval. Clemenza manages to spill something on himself, after Ramsey told him to stay clean for one service. Heh. Wait a minute. There’s only ten minutes left of this episode and dinner service hasn’t started. But tomorrow’s episode description doesn’t say “Part 2”. Clemenza feels he has to go back to the dorms and clean his jacket. Barbie is scrubbing mussels with a brush, which she has been doing for two hours according to Tiffany. Everyone talks about her without saying anything to her as far as I can tell. Kimmie says she’s not going to hit her, as if Kimmie has ever hit anyone in the history of ever. Barbie says she doesn’t care. Christina is pissed too. Barbie is just concerned that Ramsey sees her as a chef. Then she walks out to take a smoke break. Seriously? Christina takes over. Clemenza was gone for 45 minutes cleaning himself. Tiffany’s potatoes aren’t done, and she tries to tell Dana they’ll taste fine when they’re cool, and it’s not a big deal. Oh, like that’s going to work.
Ramsey comes out to test the dishes. The women are up first. He hates the mussels, or at least how they look, the beet and frisee salad tastes of dirt, flatbread and halibut are good, Kimmie’s sauce is delicious. The women quickly adjust. Men’s turn. Robyn’s ring mold is indeed declared 1980s. Not good. Carpaccio has no seasoning (Ramsey says there’s no seasoning anywhere), no fried onion garnishes, the quail is overcooked and there are big chunks of bone somehow. I guess Clemenza didn’t get all the bones out. All of a sudden Brian and Robyn are interviewing their goodbyes to Clemenza, and Ramsey is asking if he wants to go home.
Next time: Clemenza is indeed kicked out (and the title of the episode is “8 Chefs Compete” so I guess he’s really gone), Robyn screws up and vows revenge on Justin, her sabotage fails. It also looks like Tiffany screws up royally.

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