Monday, August 20, 2012

Hell's Kitchen 8/20/12--"5 Chefs Compete" summary

Previously on “Hell’s Kitchen”: Clemenza and Dana won the first challenge, which was not very exciting, and then the contestants all worked together in one kitchen for the first time, without any giant hangups. Well, except for Dana on fish, but she just got behind. She also didn’t want Robyn or Clemenza to help her, because they suck. Also they had to compete against a team of runner-ups, although nothing happened with that either. Long story short: Robyn went home.  

Dana shouts that it’s great to be rid of Robyn. Everyone pretty much feels the same. Clemenza swears he’s going to change.
Ramsey claims he’s giving them a treat. Right. He offers to cook them some comfort food, chicken parmesan. Really? He tells them what he’s doing, obviously so they can be tested. Everyone knows it. Clemenza claims his is better. Of course they have to reproduce it. However! The contestants won’t actually make it, they have to teach someone else to do it. Dana says this is what she does. Are all your students deaf from your shouting? The students today are beauty queens. What? Why? And they’re all Miss Teen USA, although from long enough ago that they’re probably all legal now. They are all dressed up, which the show tries to claim as “beauty queens are stupid” as opposed to “producers told them to dress up and wear heels”.
30 minutes. Also everyone has whole chickens, to get the breast from, and like, having to open the wine bottles and so forth. Clemenza’s girl says “thong” instead of “tongs” and he just giggles. Barbie spends a lot of time chopping onions. Some girl spits something out and claims to not be used to green vegetables. Everyone appears to finish.
 Christina makes some comment about big breasts. Pretty close, the chicken is well cooked. Justin does very well, although the chicken is “too thick” which seems minor. Dana put too much cheese. Ramsey asks why every challenge can’t be this good. Maybe you should kick all these jokers out and have the beauty queens compete. Barbie does not appear to get any criticism, which is too bad because I don’t like her. Clemenza’s sauce is too chunky. He says that’s how it’s supposed to be. Barbie and Dana get called up to get second tastes. Finally he says the winner is Barbie. Boo. Tomorrow night is Italian night. Today Barbie gets to have a fun day, and she gets to pick someone to go with her. Clemenza says spending the day with Barbie might be as bad as punishment. Heh. She picks Justin, and they will get lunch and kayaking. And supposedly Ramsey’s Maserati convertible to drive. Riiiight. Losers have to prep everything.
Christina thinks there’s a strategy going on, with Barbie suddenly being awesome, and trying to claim “patience is a virtue”. Ha, the Maserati has a driver. OK, there is no way to say this without being a bitch, so I’m just going to say it: no 34 year old woman I know has natural boobs that perky. She clearly has no bra on. There is gross porn music playing as Barbie and Justin eat. Clemenza makes pasta and tells Christina and Dana how to put their pasta through the machine and that it’s too dry and stuff. Kayaking is boring. Dana complains about being tired of pasta. Barbie and Justin come back and talk about how great their trip was, and no one responds. Justin interviews that he feels bad for the people doing punishment, and he makes them dinner. However, it’s spaghetti, and now everyone is mad at them. Whatever.
Clemenza talks a lot in confessional about how awesome he’s going to be. He pounds chicken breasts but for no reason a bunch of them are huge. Why are they so big? Who knows. Scott catches it and yells at Clemenza, but not as spectacularly as I would hope. Dana whines because now her station is screwed and dinner hasn’t even started. When dinner does start, Ramsey tells Clemenza he should shine tonight. That’s what he said to Kimmie. Ramsey reads off a table and then immediately asks Clemenza what the order was, and he wasn’t listening. Oops. He’s not organized at all, but the flatbread comes out perfectly. Barbie brings up the risotto and it’s perfect also so this is a good start. Second table, Ramsey reads off the table, same thing happens. Clemenza has no idea what is going on. Barbie’s second risotto is raw with no salt. Oops. Dana yells at things. When Ramsey is yelling at Barbie, she does not respond, not even to argue that she isn’t finished. She brings up risotto again, but it’s the same, raw and no salt. Once again, she says nothing to Ramsey but bitches at Clemenza, who takes over risotto from her. Barbie yells at him to taste it, which is rich because has she tasted anything yet today? I guess she wants him to hurry up and take it up but Clemenza doesn’t think it’s done? Clemenza gets tired of her and says FINE and takes it up, even though he knows it’s terrible. Barbie finally responds to Ramsey, because he says he doesn’t care if she finishes service or not. Next crappy risotto, she’s out. She interviews that she wants to be on this side of the door, but every time she fails there is never an explanation.
Entrees begin. Dana takes a minute to figure out how much time she needs, because she’s searing too many filets. Some are burnt, and she thinks she should have just thrown them out. Barbie snobs about it, which is rich. Justin gets put in charge, and he does seem to take control and get everything together. Christina brings up burnt spinach and also lacking salt. What is with the salt today? Ramsey is getting sarcastic instead of shouty, which is weird to me. Last table of appetizers. He bets Barbie and Clemenza $100 that they will screw it up. Clemenza and Barbie take a long time, but then Barbie brings up too much spaghetti and no crab so Ramsey says “I beg you to go home.” She apologizes to her team, which no one acknowledges. Finally they finish, but now everyone is mad that they had to wait for Barbie. As in, the waiters take the appetizer plates and serve entrees.
Ramsey says they were on the verge of embarrassment. Nominate one person. Christina starts freaking out because she had some off risotto or something. Clemenza clearly feels Barbie should go up. Justin agrees, but he also is tired of Clemenza. Dana and Christina also discuss Clemenza, but Dana hates Barbie. Justin asks Barbie what happened tonight, but she refuses to discuss it. She interviews that Clemenza is an oaf and in her way. Right. Barbie and Clemenza argue, and it turns out that all that time? Barbie was screaming TAKE the risotto, not TASTE the risotto. Which makes a lot more sense. Still makes her look bad, though. Barbie’s defense of the screaming is that it was at his back and not in his face. Justin’s rationalization is that Barbie failed tonight, which is true, but Clemenza is just generally a mess.
 Justin tells Ramsey their team couldn’t come up with a consensus. Ramsey asks if they have any balls, and Barbie pipes up that she doesn’t know either, which if I was Justin, I would just decide on Barbie and put her up right then. Dana tells Ramsey it’s between Barbie and Clemenza, and Ramsey says he wants to hear from both of them anyway. Barbie wants to be here, and she doesn’t address anything Ramsey says but just claims she never gave up. Clemenza has been nominated for 50% of his performances. 14 services, 7 nominations. Wow. He says he keeps going, he wanted to do better tonight, the usual. Barbie says she doesn’t trust Clemenza on the line because he is disorganized. He fires back that he told her the risotto wasn’t ready and she told him to take it up anyway. Clemenza is finally eliminated. He certainly did last longer than I thought he would. Justin is focused. In the dorms there is champagne and chocolates. Dana yells about stuff. Someone walks by the camera and everyone freaks out.
 Next time: whoever walked by is revealed, everyone gets to run the pass, everyone thinks Dana is sabotaging everyone else, we go from four to two, I think.

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