Previously
on “Bromans”: Jordan and Glenn had a fight and then resolved it
like adults somehow. Tom decided Dino and Cherelle were full of
themselves and they didn't hesitate to rub it in. Meanwhile everyone
had to wash clothes with urine. It's as dumb as it sounds. Jordan and
Glenn were both up for elimination, and Glenn ended up going home.
Sadly, because I liked Glenn and Summer. (click for more)
Ah,
the showering. Jordan is glad he didn't go home. Cherelle is still
pissed Jordan had been planning to get rid of Dino. I mean so what?
It's not like Jordan has any control over who is up for banishment.
Jade feels bad because she had actually liked Cherelle, and now she
looks terrible. Meanwhile Cherelle has written Jade off.
Training
time. Dominus tells Doctore that maybe he could train too this
morning? Oh, he means replace Doctore. That's not as entertaining as
what I first thought, which was that Dominus would train alongside
the lads. Dominus tries to imitate Doctore and it's clearly terrible.
Everyone trains which is the same as always. Lots of grunting. Jordan
gets a drink of water and gets yelled at and causes everyone to do
push-ups. Doctore says they should go die outside the arena if they
need to. Dino and Jordan continue to snipe at each other. Jade goes
up to Cherelle in the courtyard and immediately starts crying. She
apologizes and Cherelle hugs her. Aww! They have a nice talk, while
the other three girls declare they need to stick together. So mature!
Now
the lads have to crab walk with a big bag on their shoulders. Callum
feels Dino is cheating by not squatting low enough. Dino of course
doesn't think he has cheated. Now they have to jump over boxes and
they're all complaining that he's moving his feet to the sides of the
boxes so he doesn't have to jump so high. To the complainer's credit,
they're calling him out when he does it, and then to his face
afterwards. Doctore has nothing to say, except that Tom has won. He
then calls out Dino and Jordan for having a rivalry, because they
battle in the arena but then the rest of the time they should eat and
train and sleep together. Somehow Doctore tells them to drop it? And
now it's all patched up. Something about digging holes. I don't know.
Tom's
very pleased with his win and now he's back in the courtyard flexing
and being a dork. Cherelle is pissed and seems to be blaming Dino for
losing. Clearly he's not pleased.
The
girls go to a “traditional Roman spa” which is complete nonsense.
I mean they have nail polish bottles wrapped in burlap! FFS! They all
get wine which makes Rhiannon shriek. Dominus wants them to relax
before the games. I am sure there are some ridiculous beauty
practices they could have found instead of just making a spa but with
burlap and “Roman” items. Oh also they'll be pampering the lads
later. So massages and facials and hair. The boys hope that the girls
are working hard, even though they know they probably aren't. Jordan
wishes they'd have a half hour in the arena with Doctore (yes) and
then says they'd probably love for Doctore to drill them, Jade would.
Hee! The girls are busy talking about how they had hoped they'd
massage Doctore. So now everyone is talking about Doctore which is
kind of hilarious. Rachel says she'd trade Callum in a second for
Doctore.
OK
so now the lads are here, and they did actually do research today.
The girls got modern spa stuff, but the lads are going to get
“traditional beauty treatments”. Of course. Massages and hair
removal. Jordan immediately heads for Cherelle and the hair removal
station, so she can rub a pumice stone on his asshole. Oh he drops
trou pretty quickly. She is reduced to tweezers. This is hilarious.
Then she spreads butter. I love this show. I feel the need to point
out that here and there the shot of Jordan's ass is obscured by the
back of Callum's head, so I can only imagine he was spread too wide,
because they've already shown penises on this show. Cherelle goes for
Dino's armpits, and he ends up ticklish. Cherelle really is loving
plucking hairs with the tweezers. Rachel and Rhiannon are making
facials with lentils, vinegar, eggs, and animal fat. Jade and Nicola
have massages, and also scraping the sweat with a strigil. Jade has
decided to massage Tom's ass with a pestle. Dominus appears and says
everyone gets an evening at their stupid fake club.
Jordan
plans not to drink tonight, because he thinks he'll be fresh tomorrow
while everyone else is hung over. Then he'll have an advantage. Jade
says if he really doesn't drink, he should make it to the finals
because he always drinks. It looks like he's actually not drinking.
Callum gets shitfaced and claims that he is totally fine. Rachel cuts
him off as he just grins stupidly. It doesn't take, though. Turns out
Callum is kind of a dick when drunk, calling Rachel a tramp and
laughing. After they all go home he's still laughing and acting up,
while Rachel is just done.
In
the morning, Brandon discusses how Jordan was pouring Callum's drinks
with a really heavy hand. Rachel is still upset, and Cherelle says
she's come to her crying. Callum knows he fucked up. Rachel says she
normally doesn't cry. Dino knows Jordan is at least partially to
blame. Callum goes to apologize and now he's crying too. Aww. Rachel
gives a confessional where she says she thinks he's worried everyone
will hate him, but he's not actually an asshole. Callum thinks this
is going to fuck up his training because it's upsetting. At least he
knew he fucked up before anyone yelled at him. Who knew how mature
everyone would be?
The
final task is the same chariot pull they did on the first episode,
which everyone is well familiar with...except Callum. Same rules,
load up the chariot, then pull your girlfriend.
Tom
is feeling pressure to win again. Doctore says they should bet: if
Tom loses, Doctore gets to go on a date with Rhiannon. Hee. Tom
agrees. Doctore immediately starts talking about his upcoming date
with Rhiannon. Dominus tells the camera about this wager. “..which
means, Tom might be free of an evening.” I'm going to miss you,
Dominus, when this show is over and probably doesn't get renewed.
Time
for Callum to see how this works. Callum is the one person not to put
his shoulder in the metal loop, instead holding the cross-bar part in
the front. I don't know how they did but at least he didn't fall or
crash. He's still apologizing.
Jordan
doesn't seem to be moving very fast. I'm not sure if that's
misleading editing or what. Jordan declares it's “squeaky bum time”
for everyone else. I'm not sure what that means either.
Brandon
wrecks his shoulder. Doctore says it's just a little blood. When they
get back to the group, Nicola tells everyone it's harder than the
last time because the rocks are bigger. Are they? They might be.
Dino
came in third last time. He's taken a lot of rocks on the first trip.
Cherelle yells and both Doctore and Dominus comment that she's in
charge. Heh. He's convinced he was the quickest.
Time
for the results. First place was Dino. Huh. I thought his bragging
was misleading. Both of them gloat that Dino beat Tom, who was in
second. Jordan was third. In last place was Brandon. Aww. They're
upset, but of course everyone's upset if they didn't win. They all go
back to the courtyard where everyone can discuss who might be up for
banishment. No one is happy because it looks like everyone thinks
they're up for banishment. Nicola cries and Brandon reassures her
that it's not her fault. But she thinks he really deserves it.
Emperor's
Council. Dominus puts up Brandon, but Doctore says that he is like a
ferocious wolf. Jordan again, although he did do better today.
Callum, who didn't do well today, and then Dominus brings up how
drunk he got. Hmm.
Banishment.
Brandon and Callum are up for banishment. Brandon says they've been
here from the start, it's been an honor, but he's shown everything to
be in the games. Nicola thanks everyone and says they're all friends
or whatever. Callum jokes about himself, but he's grown and
progressed. He says they should go with their heart, and if he's not
in there, then go with that? I think he's saying no hard feelings.
Rachel says Callum has put his heart into this and deserves to be in
the games.
Tom
and Rhiannon vote for Brandon, and then Dino and Cherelle vote for
Brandon. Welp. Dominus makes Jordan and Jade vote anyway, so they can
also vote for Brandon just to rub it in. Screw you guys. Callum is my
favorite. He's not happy about it, but he says Rachel is his rock so
there's that. Rachel says everyone back there deserves to be there.
Dominus reminds them only one of them will win, and then they all
jump up and down and celebrate making the finals.
Next
time: The Emperor's Games. And the finale, and probably the last
episode of this show.
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