Project Runway 9/15/16--"An Unconventional Launch Party" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: Our first plus-size collection won, and that designer has a line out at J.C. Penny. That's pretty much all you need to know. Full disclosure: I have shopped at J.C. Penny before, but I certainly don't assume I'm getting the height of fashion when I'm there. (click for more)

As always, “Road to the Runway” happened and as always, I'm not talking about it. The casting people are pretending they don't want commercial designers which is laughable. Also they're giving a ton of “advice” like why are you so down on these people and then you cast them? What is your problem?

Also they had the finale runway last Friday. So way to plan.

There's a big party room with decorations and whatnot. Tasha's models in her pics all have boxes on their heads. Erin grew up Mormon and talks about it like she was in a secretive Amish cult. Roberi fled Venezuela. People are drinking champagne and taking pictures for some reason. Linda is in her 40's and is very huggy. Laurence was a model, but it was just a way for her to earn money as she went to design school. Nathalia seems to be this year's “sustainable” person, and she already knows Cornelius. Mah-Jing came last and has to drink his champagne out of a mug.

Tim and Heidi finally show up. Jenni has a very loud laugh and that's going to get old quick. Oh and the first challenge is right now! Fine. It's the unconventional materials challenge! Tear up the room you're in! I mean...OK, let's get it out of the way now. Whatever. Also let me point out it's season 15 and people are still going “I've never worked with unconventional materials” and “how am I going to do this” like they've never watched the show. How are you still complaining about this? You know it's coming.

Mah-Jing and Cornelius get into an actual fight about the flowers. Alex is just grabbing crap as many do. Roberi takes down the paper globe lanterns. There is glitter. It's complete chaos like it always is and the room is trashed. Heidi says she and Tim should drink, and since the glasses are gone they drink straight out of the bottle.

All the designers file into the workroom and oo and aa over it. I mean...it's the workroom. They've been supplied with glue guns and stuff like that. Tim introduces the JustFab accessory wall (thank the LORD it's not Chinese Laundry) and says they have until 9 tonight. Currently it is 11am. Welcome to “Project Runway”!

Brik starts talking about how humans are evolutionarily attracted to shiny things because of looking for water. So he's making bell bottoms covered in glitter. Dexter found an umbrella and some pillows. Roberi wants his dress to be fluid but the paper lanterns are full of wire that's sticking his fingers. Ian has a big pile of Polaroids. Where did they come from? Who has access to Polaroids? Brik is leaving glitter all over everything which has to be annoying. Mah-Jing crumples magazine pages and hot glues them to a bodice. Tasha is making dropped crotch pants. Tasha, I wanted to like you. Jenni cuts up a backpack and wonders if it's a copout. It's too late for that, Jenni. Alex is helping her a lot with advice.

Tim Time! Brik's pants look like shit. I'm sorry, they do. It's that type of glitter that's different sizes, with big pieces, instead of all little tiny squares. Tim makes him promise he's putting more glitter on, because right now it's all spotty which is why it looks bad. Ian claims he will not take criticism personally. He insists his garment is a lot of work, when Tim thinks it's a shift dress with photos glued to it. I mean, he cut the photos into strips, but that's about it. Ian starts complaining he doesn't do avant garde and he hates volume. But he respects Tim 100%! Nathalia is over the top and she should own how weird it is. Fur sleeves. Cornelius and Alex get good words. Tasha is trying to make pants out of small triangles and scraps of fabric she's glued together, but she's run out of color. Her current idea is to just have color on the front of the pants, and black and white in the back. And then her top is kind of like a bib. Tim tells her she may need to ditch the pants and make them again in all black and white, because while it looks great, she's out of colors. She's panicking. Erin has so much yellow. Tim acts like he might vomit. Literally he has his hand on his stomach. Calm down, Tim. Roberi has a ton of volume and it's very sculptural. Laurence gets yelled at for using beads as beads in a necklace. Mah-Jing has too much shoulder treatment? Jenni has painted her backpack fabric, and Tim is bored. Not unconventional enough. Dexter made a top out of a pillowcase, and a skirt out of an umbrella. Tim is bored with this also.

They have two more hours, and the models will be in halfway through that. Why not sooner? Clearly no one cares about fitting or anything. This damn show. Dexter is freaking out, and Alex pulls him into the lounge to calm him down. Jenni is making a jacket out of boas because she has to do something. Brik has...hat bills? Sure. Erin is just eating candy and has nothing on her dressform. As Ian points out, her model may be someone who cannot wear yellow and she'll be screwed. Model fitting. Dexter has something, at least. The usual round of people who don't have things to fit. Roberi's dress is pretty short. Brik has so much fucking glitter.

Everyone moves into the apartments or hotel or wherever they are. At least the bedspreads aren't as ugly as they have been in the past. Various people discuss how they don't want to go home.

Runway day. Suddenly a bunch of people love Brik's glitter pants. Tim appears to give everyone two hours to get done. I think the hair and makeup are the same as last year? Like you noticed either. Erin is still gluing. Brik has his model putting more glitter on his pants. Who is this fucker Luis? Where is hot makeup guy Scott? I hate you people. Erin is still gluing with like 10 minutes left. Magically she's done? Sure.

Heidi comes out and everyone cheers loudly which, why? The prizes sound like the usual. Zac and Nina are back and the guest judge is Savannah Guthrie, “Today Show” co-host. Mah-Jing: a simple sleeveless shift dress, covered in crumpled-up magazines, with a thin black belt. It certainly looks like real clothes but it also is not that exciting. Jenni: shorts and a crop top, made out of red backpacks with some yellow and white paint. Over this is a cropped jacket made out of dark yellow feather boas. I...kind of like it? The big fuzzy jacket over shorts? What is happening to me? Sarah: slim skirt and crop top made out of paper lanterns. She cut the lanterns up so they lay like fringe, and the top is cut like short tabs. I don't remember her at all so I'm sure she's in the middle. It's nice though. Nathalia: short full skirt made out of metallic silver placemats, and a jacket with the same placemats and sleeves made out of faux fur. There is no shirt. The placemats look kind of cheap but at least it's a look, I guess.

Dexter: the dress has long sleeves with a lot of volume and a full skirt, with a bodice made from the pillowcase he grabbed. The rest of the dress looks like a fake sheepskin rug. It's fun. Rik: pencil skirt and sleeveless crop top. It looks like muslin or some kind of plastic covered in undeveloped Polaroids. Like, the whole thing is covered in squares but there's no color. There are also thick black straps and the pattern he made over her butt with the Polaroids is terrible but we have heard nothing from him for the whole episode so, another safe person. Ian: sleeveless sheath dress in white. Down the front and the back is a section of cut up Polaroids. Like, he took the pictures and cut them into thin fringe, then glued them to the dress like a tabard. I think there's fringe of metal too, or lanterns or something. And some longer fringe at her shoulders. It's pretty boring and the dress only mostly fits her. Tasha: pants that look like a mosaic, but I think still with the drop crotch. Her model looks like she has very wide hips and I don't know if that's how her model is or how the pants are. The top is a brightly colored bib, very geometric with sharp lines. And a bag she made that says “Heidi” on it. I kind of like this even though I'd never wear it myself.

Erin: shift dress with a halter top and a bunch of wig pieces across her chest, all in bright yellow. She spent a lot of time cutting gumballs, and they just look like beads or maybe pom-poms. It's fine, I guess. Linda: halter top that looks like crumpled white paper, and a stiff skirt with fins over her hips. Whatever, another dress I've only seen just now. Kimber: very loose sleeveless dress with some kind of sparkly bodice and a gold skirt. It's loose, but it also seems like Kimber didn't bother to fit her model properly and the dress is just too big. Laurence: very short white dress with short sleeves, in something that seems stiff. There's a corset-like piece around her waist that I believe is toothpicks, and then she put some beads around her neck like a necklace. Eh.

Brik: the top is slightly cropped, with a sweetheart neckline and some shoulder fins. The pants look good from this distance. I am trying very hard to look for glitter falling off the pants but I'm not really seeing any. Cornelius: short sleeveless dress made out of plates. He cut the borders to get a bunch of thin curved pieces and then covered the muslin in them to make the pattern. The top of the bodice up to her chin is covered in flowers. It's at least more interesting than some of these other things. Roberi: very short sculptural dress made from paper lanterns. He left them mostly intact, so they swirl around and look pretty cool. Alex: full skirt made of napkins, maybe? They've been cut up so they look like a rug or something. Over this purple skirt is a peplum of turquoise placemats, and a bodice of an orange placemat with a red placemat sash and flowers on the sash. It's pretty tacky.

Zac claims this is the best beginning he's seen since he's been on the show. What the fuck EVER. Roberi, Dexter, Tasha, Erin, Ian, and Brik are the top and bottom. See? When you have so many damn people you can tell who is safe because there are garments you've never seen until the runway.

Tasha says she is designing for “the urban girl”. Heidi says she looks cool and Nina loves the proportions. I do like her pants. Brik's pants are finally covered enough in glitter to look good. The top doesn't go with the pants. It's a plain and sculptural top, and then the bottom is glitter bell bottoms. Zac does give him some praise for construction. Nina busts out “I don't really know who you are as a designer” which I hate. Erin says she loves fun, as if people are going to say they don't love fun. They all love it, and Erin lucked out with a model that can wear yellow (they don't say that, but it's true). As they praise Erin, they keep inserting other designers looking unhappy like they all hate Erin or something. Do they? It's so early to hate people. Dexter did cut up the pillowcases and resew them to make the patterns he wanted. The bodice was supposed to be more tribal patterned, and the judges did get that. They like it? Sure, I guess. I mean, Nina praises him for putting bracelets on his model's ankles.

Ian starts talking about “My Little Pony” or something. But he cannot hide his boring dress. Also he tells the judges he hates volume which I'm sure went over well. Zac points out that the back of the dress is not even, and Ian continues to complain about how hard it was to glue and whatever. They weakly praise the colors but he was not creative. Roberi's dress, even though it's better than many of the things that came out, is somehow boring or too short or Nina's seen it. As Nina is saying she's seen it before, they cut to Heidi looking into the camera making a face like “Can you believe this woman?” Heidi then says she loves it, and yes they've probably seen everything but things are reinvented and this dress is wonderful. Also she doesn't mind the length, of course. Zac also likes it, even though it's not wearable.

Brik thinks he was on the bottom. Ian is in denial about his crappy dress, as Brik cries. Tasha's outfit is still intact and it's nice. I still like it. Also Erin's gumballs are all still attached which is impressive, to be honest. Dexter had a good dress and good styling. Heidi and Zac praise Roberi again, and Tim does also. Nina keeps her mouth shut. Heidi likes Brik's shoulder treatment, but it doesn't go with the pants. There are also snide comments about how Zac is sparkly. Nina begs them to respect Ian, who is a minimalist, and it occurs to me this dress is not so different from that fugly pillowcase Mondo sent down the runway in the first season of All-Stars. Dexter had a “vision” and somehow that was unique. Erin was more elegant. Nina thinks Brik was the worst, but Heidi argues that he was more creative than Ian.

The winner is Erin! Yeah that makes sense. Somehow. Dexter is in. Tasha is in. Roberi is in. Brik is in. That makes sense too, because the first few episodes make sense. Ian says it's OK because he likes the dress. Whatever. He's proud he stood up for himself and his boring design aesthetic. Tim comes in and says they'll miss his spunk.

Next week: a lot of women, a bunch of people have a bunch of drama.