Thursday, September 29, 2016

Project Runway 9/29/16--"Blacklight or Daylight?" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone acted like it was the “real women” challenge, except that everyone used their models instead of random women. They talked a big game about how everything was supposed to be flattering for all body types and all of that, but then the judges awarded the win to a jumpsuit with a giant keyhole in the back. A keyhole lined in orange. It was a vagina, is what I'm saying. I like Laurence but the average woman cannot wear an olive green silk jumpsuit that is only “a little” baggy. In other news Cornelius was very concerned with shittalking other people but no one seemed to be encouraging him. Linda was out for making a sad sheer kimono thing over a boring sweater dress. (click for more)

Erin says she couldn't possibly be a judge. Kimber tells her apartment that it's hard to be in the bottom three because you question being here and if you like what you're doing, it's hard. Erin nods sagely, but it seems to me like she feels like she's above Kimber. Sarah blurts out that she forgot Kimber was in the bottom. Then she interviews that she feels bad because Kimber is so sweet and doesn't belong in the bottom. I'm not sure why she's sorry? Unless she thinks it sounds like she forgot Kimber existed.

Heidi and Tim are backstage somewhere. Heidi is dancing for no reason, and they are excited about the next challenge, and then they turn to the fakest giant switch. Why not have a big lever like you'd see in a production of “Frankenstein”? It is about that level of stupid. Anyway, they pretend it's hard to throw the switch and this causes the runway lights to go down and the blacklights to come up. Heidi's dress is white and Tim has some neon so they glow. However they are not “walking light bulbs” JENNI. Then Heidi snaps her fingers to turn the regular lights on. Sigh. Anyway, this is sort of the “day to evening” challenge, but instead of having a “day” look and an “evening” look, you'll have one “normal lighting” look and one “blacklight” look. I would argue about how Tim seems to be equating “nighttime” with “blacklight” because that's not how the universe works, Tim, but it's not the dumbest thing that's happened on this show.

In the workroom are supplies like UV paint and dye and some blacklight flashlights to test things. And tape. Tim brings in some woman who works for Transitions Lenses. You know, the glasses that darken when you go out in the sun. Are you fucking kidding me with this. I spoke too soon with the “not the dumbest thing that's happened.” They're going to say “transitions” a million times in a desperate attempt to have product placement. I mean Tim claims that they are the reason they're doing this fun challenge! Come on! The winner will be in an ad in Marie Claire. Whatever. Cornelius is like, you'll be seen by the whole entire world! Except for the part where YOU ARE ON TELEVISION RIGHT NOW. The flashlights are to take to Mood to see what the fabrics do. OK that's a good idea. There's also a darkroom in the back. One day for the challenge.

Erin wants to go from “sweet” to “sex bomb”. I kind of wish there was a way to put a design or something that was only visible under the blacklight. I think the best they can do is to make something that glows more. Mah-Jing talks about creating texture that will jump under the UV. Erin complains neon is tacky. But shining a UV light on a sheer fabric so you see the model's bra is not tacky.

Rik says a bunch of buzzwords that boil down to “science fiction”. Alex warms people that if you got hot pink it will look orange. Alex wishes Mah-Jing happy Father's Day. Aww. He calls home to see his daughter and fiancee and breaks down crying. Kimber doesn't usually use print. Erin says “tacky AF” and actually says the letters which is like saying LOL out loud. Erin grew up in Utah and claims her dad told her to move to Boston and “rescued” her from the Mormons.

Tim Time! Erin wants to have a babydoll dress and then under the blacklight it goes sheer and there's a bikini and nipple pasties. How is that not tacky, Erin? I get the reveal, I actually like a big reveal. I just don't like the “neon is tacky but it's cool for me to make pasties”. Kimber has a white and a print together, or two prints? But Tim hates the white. Cornelius has spray paint that somehow won't show? Is the paint clear under regular lighting? He of course has not figured out how the colors will work. When he promises Tim that he'll figure it out, Tim is like “Really?” Damn, Tim. Sarah has a cool design on her skirt, but the collar on her top is boring. Dexter has a bunch of fringe. Rik has to make a skirt to his warrior top. Nathalia has a lot of neon. Tim calls it “TRON” but it's not. TRON wasn't neon. Anyway, Nathalia scraps her pants.

Laurence used a negative fabric for most of her blazer, meaning it will be black under the UV and just the lapels will stand out. Roberi has a ruffled top and Tim loves it. Brik wants something sculptural and Tim says it's not pretty. I can't see what he's doing to judge. Mah-Jing has some lace panels and he's been inspired by thinking about what his fiancee might wear to their wedding. Nathalia bitches that this is terrible because he's not supposed to see the dress before the wedding. Nathalia, you changed your last name to Jmag for some reason and you have pink hair and a nose ring. Why are you acting superior about some super-old wedding superstition? Tim says it's costumey and he should get rid of the whole thing. Tasha is making a jumpsuit with a grid of pink lines, but it's already visible so nothing changes. Jenni has some gray but it's “grandma”. Her dyed fabric is nice, but her construction is terrible. Let me remind you and everyone that I can think of several instances where Tim gave some advice and the judges decided the exact opposite was true.

Kimber throws out the white in her look because everyone else used it. Rik says he's been designing for five years but he's broke. He would love some money to pay back his mom for design school. Aww. Jenni scraps things too. Cornelius is now doing an “emoji” concept. SIGH. He tells someone he didn't want to do this challenge so now he's doing emojis as a joke. Shut up, Cornelius. Tasha has hogged three or four pairs of shoes on her table. Cornelius tells Brik to stop thinking about it and do it. Shut up, Cornelius. You spent last challenge walking around looking for people to gossip with about how Brik sucks. Cornelius himself has made tape smiley faces and shit on his dress. Mah-Jing is braiding things and humming. Model fitting. Jenni has a tight skirt with two layers of fabric and it creates a run in the skirt. I'm not sure if this is because of the two layers or because she's snagged it. Oh also people put glasses on their models because this is the eight layer of hell. Cornelius tries to read Nathalia's outfit but she and I think Alex label him “Lady Cornelius from the Land of Shade” and laugh at him. Seriously, it's not like she asked his opinion. He just came over to make fun of it. Jenni makes a clear vinyl jacket. With ribbed white collar and cuffs. Sigh. Mah-Jing has scrapped his original design, which is why he was braiding, but he doesn't think it's going well. Tasha encourages him. Then Erin and Laurence are like “we've been here so long, maybe we can get a conjugal.” Hee. They have to explain conjugal visits to someone which almost ruins the joke, but then Laurence makes a counter joke about teabags. Hee. Lots of hand stitching and hand painting and so forth. Jenni has puffy paints but she's not sure if it will dry hard or not. Kimber is also painting but the fabric is absorbing the paint.

Runway Day. Lots of frantic working. Jenni likes her clear vinyl coat, and brags about it, but then as she moves it around the paint peels off the plastic. Alex asks Cornelius if he did the poop emoji, which is funny. Jenni repaints flowers because she thinks it will be better wet than peeling. Mah-Jing was really happy about his look and then he starts cursing. So the UV paint/dye is clear under normal light, but there was also some regular dye or paint or something, and I guess he used both? So his garment is splotchy? did you not see that yesterday? Unless he built it in the darkroom and didn't take it out. He's upset now. No hot makeup guy Scott. Rik I think asks the hair people to put tape in his model's hair. Don't do shit like that. Jenni laughs her laugh and everyone stares at her. Erin doesn't have time for the last look under the blacklight so she hopes it works.

Guest judge today is actress Jamie King. Heidi makes a dumb joke (or everyone's laughing at Cornelius) and Jenni laughs and laughs. Everyone stares and it's uncomfortable because her laugh is getting annoying and also I feel like the producers are exploiting her for drama/amusement. Ugh, also the Tim Gunn Save is in effect, meaning Tim can save someone that would be eliminated and then the producers will bend the rules so that person makes the finale. Cornelius: simple white sheath dress with short sleeves. Under the blacklight you can see all the emojis (he spray painted over the tape and then removed the tape). It's very blocky and amateurish, because tape, but at least it's a transformation. Jenni: camisole and hot pants. From far away it looks like a bathing suit with a clear vinyl coat over it. On the coat she's painted floral designs. Actually they look like henna designs. Under the blacklight the paint glows but that's about it. Alex: one shouldered body-con dress in blue and pink neoprene. There's a wide shawl collar, or at least some volume, and the pink is in panels down the side. Under the blacklight the pink just kind of glows. There's maybe some grid marks at her hip.

Mah-Jing: sleeveless sheath dress that hits below the knee. It looks like there's some blue cording around the bodice, randomly, and faint pink lines along the seams. Under the UV it just looks muddled. Like he sort of painted it but it's uneven. Nathalia: hot pink coat with a full peplum, almost a skirt, and long sleeves. There are insets of white mesh at the shoulders and along the arms, and then underneath there are hot pants. Under the UV the pink glows but the mesh doesn't really. I don't know that it's “totally different” though. Roberi: short ruffled strapless dress. It looks like he just sewed ruffles in a purple fabric over the dress, at a slight diagonal. The edges of the ruffles are frayed and there are some pink threads around. Under the blacklight only the edges of the ruffles and the pink glow, so it looks scalloped. I actually really like it. Kimber: top in a kind of ugly floral pattern, with one elbow length sleeve, and a mullet skirt in hot pink. Under the blacklight the top vaguely glows but not really. Not great. Sarah: black top with a big pointed collar in a white polka dot, and bracelet length sleeves, and a short white pencil skirt. It sort of glows? Sparkles? The white polka dots stand out but the skirt doesn't seem to be doing anything. And I thought it was when she showed Tim in the workroom. Maybe it's just me.

Rik: cropped bodice with metallic fabric. It's a long-line bra, basically, so it's a sports bra with a handspan at the bottom. It's that metallic fabric that looks kind of rainbow-y? And yellow cord lacing up the center like a corset. The skirt is a pencil skirt that hits above the knee and has more yellow cording. Under the UV only the cords glow so there is just the Y of the lacing over her chest and two lines down her legs. I kind of like this. Laurence: orange blazer and hot pants. Are they hot pants, or a bikini bottom? I can't tell. The blazer has white lapels and strips down the arms, and both pieces are trimmed in white. The orange is supposed to disappear under the blacklight but they don't, and the white doesn't really glow very much. But she has immunity anyway. Tasha: Tasha managed to find some glasses that glow too. I can't really see her outfit well, but there are horizontal stripes of hot pink dots, and some hot pink straps on the top. It's just a plain black body-con dress with some paint, but I don't remember this at all so I'm sure she's safe.

Erin: sheer top and a tea-length full silver skirt. The top has wide cap sleeves, and you can sort of see her bra underneath. Under the can still see the top. She thinks it is all naughty but it still looks like a top and a skirt. I'm not impressed. The skirt kind of has a pattern to it but whatever. Brik: white sleeveless dress that seems really huge. It fits really poorly but not poorly enough to look like it was on purpose. Under the blacklight it does...jack shit. Maybe over her chest it sort of glows. But I'm not seeing anything impressive about this. Dexter: white long sleeved top with long fringe hanging down to her waist. The fringe is all along her arms and back. The top looks cropped, with a high-waisted pencil skirt. The fringe really glows under the UV, as does a band at the hem of the skirt.

Heidi calls Brik, Tasha, Nathalia, Sarah, Dexter, Roberi, Alex, and Laurence as safe. How is Brik safe? Whatever. Also how is Roberi not in the top? I hate this show. Jenni talks about her flowers, and Heidi loves the hand-painting. I will admit that under the UV the vinyl is clear and so it floats. But it's still a plastic coat. She also claims she likes the part where it's peeling. Girl please. Kimber babbles about her look but she's not very coherent about it. Zac liked the outfit in the regular light but it didn't do anything under UV. It's cute and wearable but it isn't impressive. Jamie says you have to stay true to yourself, but you have to go outside yourself. That makes no sense. Nina complains about the lack of effort, and there are people in the Scrap Bin who didn't have any effort, NINA, but whatever. Of course they love Cornelius and his stupid emojis. Yes, it's a surprise because you can't see anything in regular light, but I would argue these are emoticons and not emojis and also shut up Cornelius.

Rik explains his warrior look. He's tied bows at the bottom of the skirt cording, and they hate it, and then when she turns around the skirt has stretched so you can see skin. Oops. The top is OK but the bottom is wrinkled. They all think she looks like a stripper. Even Heidi says it's tacky, and you know Heidi wears some tacky shit. She claims it was bedazzled everywhere, which is not true. The cording glows and that's it. Whatever. Erin talks about outlines or whatever, and they love it because of course they do. The skirt design is something Erin hand-painted and sewed. OK, so that's nice, but I'm not seeing this “demure and sexy” bullshit. A sheer top with flowers is not sophisticated. It looks like cheap polyester. Mah-Jing talks about how he wanted things to glow and have details. Nina says it looks fine in regular light, but under the blacklight they're all saying it's a crime scene. OK but Brik's boring-ass dress is safe? I'm not saying Mah-Jing is not bad, but come on. He admits the pink was a mistake, because the other colors didn't show in the regular light. He knows it's bad, but he says he tried.

Rik is surprised to be in the bottom. Kimber claims her dress glowed. Nope. Mah-Jing is very upset because he doesn't like what he did, but he feels he had to stand by it. Jenni's painting is beautiful. They love Erin's nonsense but whatever. I'm already mad at this stupid episode. Oh and Cornelius's dress has a draped neckline that he stashed a pair of glasses in. The judges think this is genius. Rik is tacky and dated. Kimber's dress is boring and doesn't glow. Nina is worried because Kimber loves it. Heidi hates Mah-Jing's cording and whatever, but Tim tells them this is better than the previous look. Somehow they love Cornelius because a bunch of blocky faces made with tape are “now”. Erin is great. Mah-Jing and Kimber are the bottom too, apparently. Nina wants to give Mah-Jing another chance, because at least he tried. Kimber was just boring.

Erin wins, because whatever. That thing looked like a cheap polyester Halloween costume. But now she has immunity and she thinks she's hot shit. Jenni and Cornelius are in. When they go back to the Scrap Bin, Cornelius bitches to the people next to him that he could box pleat a dress if he wanted and glue everything on. He doesn't think Erin should have won. I don't either but you shouldn't have won so I guess we're even. Rik is in. Mah-Jing is in, so Kimber is out. Kimber seems sort of mad about it? But she says she's not? I'm not sure. She says she's come this far and people have auditioned and didn't get this far, so she's proud. Tim gives her a hug and she leaves. She says she'll have to be an old decrepit motherfucker before they stop her. Heh.

Next week: Tim rolls out in shorts, weird, Heidi is in the workroom so I guess we're designing for her line.

1 comment:

Duabe said...

Thanks, Toyouke, for explaining this blacklight episode. Half-watched this while half-watching the Yankee game, so I appreciate your details.

Cornelius is annoying and glad his childish tape-emoji dress with the built-in eyeglass shelf didn't win. A little sucking up Cornelius? Didn't work.

Erin as the heir-apparent will be interesting.