Previously on “Top Chef”: Nicholas won and that
wasn’t so great. He was kind of a jerk to his servers. Whatever, it’s over and
this show is better than “Project Runway” or at least hides its producer
manipulation better. Usually. (click for more)
This season is set in Boston, so I am hoping for
some good Boston accents. Some random people walk in and talk about how
important this show is and stuff. We all know. Everyone wants to win. Everyone
thinks this is their ticket. Etc. Padma tells us the prizes, which are the same
as usual. Was the prize always $125,000? I feel like they upped it a while ago.
Everyone walks into the Top Chef kitchen to be
greeted by Padma and Richard Blais. Richard is now a judge, because apparently
trying to replace Alton Brown on Food Network doesn’t pay enough. Or he’s
bored, either way. The chyrons are really small this season, but I do have a
super old crappy TV. Everyone introduces themselves. The first guy (Katsuji)
describes himself as “Japanese Mexican who owns a kosher restaurant”. Heh. Mei
has worked for Michael Voltaggio. Woo. Lots of name-dropping ensues. Keriann
(ugh, spelling) won some award about “best new chef” or something, so we have
to have an asshat (Aaron) talking about how he doesn’t care. George is Mike
Isabella’s business partner. Dude. Padma asks for some dirt but George is like,
you saw it all. Joy is intimidated by everyone’s titles.
Time for a Sudden Death Quickfire! That’s when
the loser is immediately kicked out. Padma hints they will face “a few” of
these. Mise en place relay race! Teams of four, based on how they’re standing.
The stations are: three lobsters, 20 oysters, eight Boston Mackerel, and 21
littleneck clams. I guess you are cleaning them. Each thing is supposed to take
the same amount of time. They will keep track of everyone’s times. Padma says
“the slowest chef on the slowest team will be up for elimination.” Not “will be
eliminated”? Sure.
Everyone discusses what they want to do. Keriann
and Adam fight over the lobsters. Mostly other people are cocky about what they
can do, but there doesn’t seem to be the same level of disagreement, where no
one will compromise. The race starts. Adam seems to have won the argument. Mei
is kicking ass. Adam of course is fucking it up. Yellow team is the last. Joy’s
shucking oysters but she’s feeling the pressure. I like this challenge because
there really isn’t anything to narrate. And because it’s early we don’t know
who any of these people are. It’s all people talking about how great they are.
Ron destroys the mackerel. The blue team is winning…until Katsuji gets to
clams. He has no idea how to do this so he’s putting the knife into the clam
and then slamming the whole thing on the table. What? That’s not how you do it
and I’ve never done that before. Yellow team has been in last but they’re
making a comeback. Keriann is doing well with the clams she’s stuck with. Adam
has the balls to tell her to use her anger at him. Sigh. Green team finishes,
so I guess Adam and Keriann will forgive each other. Yellow team comes from
behind to get second. Katsuji somehow manages to shuck all the clams. Red team
still has to finish so they can figure out who was the slowest.
Padma reveals the slowest person on the losing
team was George. But! George can pick one person to compete against in a
“sudden death cookoff”. If he wins, they can both stay. If George loses, he
goes home. George picks Gregory. Why? Because Gregory said he could do the
mackerel and then was too slow, in George’s opinion.
They have to make a dish out of the stuff they
just cleaned. It seems exciting but I just met these people so I can’t muster
up any interest in who wins, you know? There is some trash talking, which isn’t
even that funny. George: pan-seared mackerel with fennel orange Kalamata salad
and warmed clams. George claims he added the clams to add some flavor, instead
of probably because Gregory had more than one kind of seafood in his dish.
Gregory: oysters with yuzu and ginger mignonette, mirin marinated mackerel, and
lobster with coconut and tomato sauce.
Richard says George’s dish was elegant but could
have used heat. Gregory’s dish was bright, but making three dishes means three
opportunities to fail. The winner is Gregory. Ouch. So George is eliminated, 23
minutes into the episode. He’s pissed. Whatever, one less person for me to
remember.
Elimination Challenge. The Top Chef Food
Festival! Why can’t things like this happen here? I mean…”The Great Food Truck
Race” came through but that was nowhere near as exciting. 250 people, bloggers,
critics, etc. three hours to cook. The dish should be an updated version of the
first dish they remember cooking. Huh.
Shopping, I assume at Whole Foods. I didn’t catch
the sign out front but the signage inside looks like it could match. Adam talks
about cooking with his grandfather. Joy wants to make fried chicken but with
the time limit she’s just frying the skin. Aaron is making bacon and eggs.
Sure.
Three hours. They’re at the Museum of Science,
where I guess there’s the commercial kitchen they use for the restaurant or
whatever. It’s very crowded. Gregory is making stewed chicken with spicy
relish. Katie yells about she usually serves twelve people. She seems kind of
shrill. She’s trying to be sarcastic about how 250 is sort of more than 12? She’s
making…broccoli salad. What? Michael makes chilled corn soup. He is this
season’s molecular gastronomist. Dude, but Blais is here. You can’t do better
than that.
Tom Time! And Blais! Mei is shellshocked to meet
Tom. She’s making congee. Tom tries to get Aaron to admit he’s in over his
head, but Aaron is just like “I’m not here to toss salads”. Everyone laughs.
Katsuji appears to be making a shrimp quesadilla that involves squid ink. I
don’t know. Squid ink, chicharron and cream. Peppers. Saffron couscous. Hard
boiled eggs. Calm down, dude. That is too many things.
After Tom leaves there is a lot of frantic
running about and packing. They all wheel everything outside to a pavilion.
Todd English introduces himself to Adam, who promptly freaks out. Kristin and
Tiffani are here, and they of course go over to bother the contestants. Keriann
talks about her kids. When service starts, they’ve of course let everyone in
all at once. Katsuji has a cowboy hat on.
Joy: creamy yellow grits, sautéed greens, and
crispy chicken skin. Gail is here today. Praise from Gail and Tom. Rebecca:
citrus tart with ginger cherries and vanilla Chantilly cream. Richard and Padma
tell her there is no ginger flavor. Adam: fish and chips, tri color salad with
mustard mayo, nori, Aleppo pepper and cumin seed. Stacy: pulled chicken salad,
sweet pea green goddess, cranberry mostarda, potato chip. That sounds good.
Ron: shrimp cocktail with strawberries, shaved fennel, radish, and pickled
jalapeno. Padma says it’s too spicy, so you KNOW it’s too spicy.
Commercial interlude: the mayor is here shaking
everyone’s hand and eating the food. Stacy is super excited about it. The end.
Doug: fried chicken, pickled jalapenos, and
watermelon. Katsuji: “petroleum shrimp”; shrimp, saffron couscous, serrano
aioli, and squid ink fondue. I think somewhere there is a tortilla. It’s too
hard to eat. Plus I don’t think anyone is impressed by how complicated it is. Ming
Tsai jokes that he hopes he wins Top Chef. Hee. Keriann: chilled sweet corn soup
with bacon jam, truffle crumple and olive oil snow. Blais hates olive oil snow.
James: crispy harissa chicken thigh, creamed corn, BBQ spice and watermelon.
Watermelon is sour. Melissa: spicy pork, ma-po tofu over spiced rice with eggplant,
Szechuan peanuts and pickled cucumbers. Mei: congee with caramelized pork, fish
sauce caramel, and black garlic puree. Both of those are deemed really good.
Katie: broccoli salad with tamarind aioli, cured
black olive & bacon powder. Side dish. Seriously, Katie. Broccoli salad.
Michael: chilled corn soup with pickled cherries and sriracha caviar. He serves
it in shot glasses with the stuff in a bowl, so they can “see the
presentation”. Seems pretentious. Tom doesn’t like it. Gregory: Haitian stewed
chicken, fried bananas, spicy pickles, and scotch bonnet chili relish. The
spice is balanced. Padma says she was really close to hating it but she didn’t.
Random people stand around talking about dishes, totally not prompted by
producers. Aaron runs out of food, so he has to serve Padma a fatty piece of
pork belly. Tamari braised pork belly, miso poached egg yolk and bird’s eye
chili caramel. She totally notices it’s fatty. And then she puts it in her
mouth, makes a face, and gets a napkin to spit it in. OOOOooooo. You’re in
trouble. She leaves a parting shot about how his station is dirty too.
The judges meet to discuss everything. Gail liked
Doug’s fried chicken. Gregory’s dish was out there but ended up working
together. Mei’s congee was good. Bad dishes: broccoli salad from Katie (side
dish), Michael’s corn soup (apparently containing fish eggs), and Aaron’s pork
belly (clearly). Tom confirms that the non-fatty pork belly wasn’t that great
either. Plus Katsuji. Padma points out you can’t eat couscous on a tortilla.
Yeah, not really.
Back in the Stew Room. Now with a table! Still with
the shelves carefully arranged by some PA with all the boxes and labels facing
the right way. Padma appears and asks to see everyone. Huh? Everyone? There is
some chatter about how mostly people stepped up. Padma calls Doug, Mei, and
Gregory. They stay in the middle, while everyone else stands off to the side.
So now everyone can watch Judges’ Table? Why? It’s not like people were lying about
what happened, were they? Anyway, these three were the top. Mei’s congee was
delicious and Tom doesn’t think there were any flaws. Gregory had so many
things going on, but it ended up being perfect somehow. Doug says being simple
is being true to himself. Sure. The winner is Mei. Nice. She won with rice
porridge, you guys.
Katie, Michael, and Katsuji are the losers, but
there is NO Loser Gong! Boo! Also Aaron should consider himself lucky. Katie
gave them broccoli salad which is boring, and there was bacon snow which served
no purpose. Michael’s concept was good, but the salmon roe overpowered
everything. Katie and Michael both agree with the judges, but the difference is
that Michael admits to tasting the dish and not liking the salmon roe. He knew
it was bad but it was already on the menu so he didn’t get rid of it. Well that
was dumb. Then he says he liked it. Katsuji made such a complicated dish, and
then he says if he could have put more stuff he would have. He starts listing
the stuff, and Tom has to cut him off. He may have to spend a lot of time with
this dish to make it successful.
The judges stare down the bottom three and then
Padma tells Michael he is out. He says he tried to be original but it
backfired. Sometimes you have to fail. True. He doesn’t care what Tom thinks,
he’s proud of what he did.
This season: lots of yelling, Restaurant Wars (of
course), making the judges shop so Padma spills fish all over the floor,
cranberry bog, Fenway, that fucker Andy Cohen. George Wendt comes out and
everyone goes “Norm!” and he looks irritated and says “Stop with that”. Hugh is
going to be here! Yay! Some tears. So the usual, then.
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