Thursday, October 30, 2014

Project Runway All Stars 10/30/14--"Made in Manhattan" summary

Previously on Project Runway: All these people were on the show, and you’ll notice the only person from the Bravo era of the show is Chris March. Everyone else is a new Lifetime “eh, no one will notice our producer manipulation” contestant. Also last season you’ll remember Seth Aaron won, which means he won the regular show and then also All-Stars. That’s why you don’t need previous winners. (click for more)

Alexandria calls this “the Hunger Games of fashion”. No one dies, though. You’ll remember Alexandria for shutting down Helen at that reunion. Justin is also back, which is cute. I like Justin. Plus that was the first Tim Gunn Save, back when they did a better job of hiding how the producers were keeping him in. Helen is back. Of course. She manages to shake hands with Alexandria, but clearly they’re both here to fight. Sigh. Helen says “She’s crazy! Shit, don’t use that.” You just basically told them to leave it in. Chris March! Love him. Jay. From season 7? I don’t really remember him. Kate, UGH. So clearly Kate, Helen, and Alexandria are here for fights. That’s what this show is about, now. Previous All-Stars seasons were too full of shit like “respect” and “cooperation”. Samantha, from the team season. And Benjamin, who like, wrote a letter to his husband and said “my gran” instead of “my husband’s gran”. And Patricia! You need at least one legit crazy person. I didn’t think Patricia should have gotten as far as she did, but she was at least interesting and not hateful towards other people. But MAN are there a ton of people from the teams season. Why not just bring all of them back? Fabio, who I loved because he was such a sweetheart. Gunnar…who I could have done without. In confessional he is wearing a black sleeveless turtleneck, two gold chains like a double strand of pearls, and a white coat draped over his shoulders. Sigh. Sonjia! I liked Sonjia too.

Alyssa Milano greets us, because she is the first host to return. Says a lot. Now we reveal she’s pregnant, I guess to be as much like Heidi as possible. Oh also there are former winners coming back! Dmitry and Michelle! Poor Fabio. “Dmitry’s here! YYAAAaaaayyy not really.” Hee. I did like Michelle eventually. She grew on me. Dmitry is worried about the competition from Michelle, but also from Fabio, even though he already beat Fabio once. No immunity ever. Isaac and Georgina and Zanna are back. Also Samantha, Justin’s interpreter. That was nice of them to mention her.

The first challenge involves being split into men vs. women. These will be “collections” but everyone has to make a look. You’ll be inspired either by New York’s uptown or downtown. Men will get downtown so the women will be inspired by uptown. Winner will come from the winning collection and vice versa. $1500 per group, which you can divide however you want. Runway is tomorrow! Everyone rolls their eyes, and Chris is worried. Oh right, he was on the show before they made everything a one day challenge.

Everyone goes outside to discuss their girl and who they are designing for. Is she classy? A party girl? Colors? Whatever. Various people talk about their designs. I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what the difference between uptown and downtown would be, except that uptown is full of rich people? Downtown is edgy? Chris tells Ben that his look seems too uptown. Mood is Mood.

Everyone gets their own little table in the workroom, instead of those long tables you share. Nice. Also a fancy lounge and a kitchen. Fabio’s fabric is not in the bag. There is no suggestion to look at the receipt/go back to Mood to get it, as in previous seasons. He is going to wing it with what they have. Alexandria hates Kate’s dress but I don’t think she says anything outside of confessional. Chris does clothes for Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. I bet his stagewear is on point. His drag clothes are. Patricia sits on the floor to make things as she does. It looks like a tube of green leather, stuffed with white and then cut open so the white bunches out like flowers or something. Fabio thinks he has enough to make a jumpsuit still. Ben maybe is still too uptown but he doesn’t really seem to care. Dmitry has done a bunch of things and winning this is the next step. Helen is stuck making dresses out of her kitchen.

Zanna shows up. Fabio is obsessed with her. Hee. Helen has to be exactly perfect. Michelle only has leather and Zanna thinks it’s “too cool”? What? Patricia shouldn’t be too bohemian. Some rapid-fire critiques about removing peplums and making crop tops shorter. She tells Kate to scrap her top because it doesn’t go with her skirt. She loves Chris’s kilt. Justin needs to make sure his is not too short. Zanna tells Ben his dress is too uptown. This is exactly what Chris told him, and what his team has been saying in confessional, but NOW suddenly he is worried. Jay has pants and Zanna is so thrilled someone is doing pants. She hates Gunnar’s weird sheer capelet or whatever it is. Fabio should stand out more.

One hour left. Fabio adds some leather scraps. Model fitting. Patricia and Michelle worry about tailoring in difficult fabrics. A lot of people are frustrated and still have a lot of work to do.

Runway day. Kate flails. Actually a lot of people flail. Patricia is really behind. Helen shrieks about something. Fabio says it’s perfect! Hot makeup guy Scott is not here. Boo. Chris wants the models to look like Lorde. Patricia has scrapped all her textile technique, which is too bad because that is the entertaining part of Patricia. Kate made a white gown and everyone interviews about how weird it is. And her bodice looks like clamshells.

Alyssa talks about the prize, which is pretty much like past seasons. And like regular Project Runway. But you get $150,000 cash! We have Georgina Chapman, Isaac Mizrahi, and guest judge Ivanka Trump. Women first. Michelle: suede sheath dress in a skin tone. It looks like a skirt and top that were sewn together, leaving a keyhole at her navel. Not super short, and with a high neck and an open back. Patricia: swing dress in a beige non-color, with dark trim at the neck and arms. It’s just a big A-line triangle with a crew neck. Boring. Sonjia: knee length pencil skirt and sleeveless top in a shiny green-purple. There are insets of leather at the hips and shoulders, in green. The top is draped nicely with an inverted V in back. Samantha: long dress, that hits below the knee, in white with dark trim down the sides of the dress and around the hems. There is an inset panel of green on one side of the bodice, and the fabric there is twisted into a knot. It’s OK. Alexandria: long ball gown skirt, or a maxi skirt, in beige, with a sheer crop top of sparkly black fabric. The top is like Sonjia’s top, wrapped backwards so the front is cropped and the back is an inverted V. Helen: long beige gown. It’s jersey with some inset panels in a shiny fabric that curve around and down from her shoulders and down her sides. The satin keeps it from being super boring. Kate: tight white dress with a hem below the knee. The bodice does look like seashells. I think it might be leather.

Chris: leather bra, basically, and a black and white tweed skirt. The skirt does move like a shirt tied around your waist, but there’s a weird giant safety pin. The top is a bra but the skirt is cute. Justin: black shorts, or a really short skirt with pockets. The top is a tank top with a couple different fabrics in a pattern. Unfortunately the pattern makes her boobs look really wide as the print is sewn in there in semi-circles facing outwards, and then in narrower vertical stripes over her stomach. The back looks uneven, like the seams don’t line up. Jay: dark gray tube top and matching tight pants. Over this is a harness of black stripes of fabric. The harness thing looks sloppy somehow. Gunnar: crop top and pencil skirt in black with strips of the plaid. The top is fine but the strip on the skirt is bunching. Ben: asymmetrical dress, with one side in a dark gray and a long sleeve, and the other side in a cream with no sleeve. The sleeve is maybe slit all the way up her arm? Plus the hem on that side is longer. I don’t know that this really goes with the other looks. Fabio: long dark jumpsuit, with a pink sash. It’s just a sleeveless V top and pants, but the whole back is pink with some draping and black straps. Dmitry: short black dress with long sleeves and a really deep V. The model has a scarf or necklace or something to partially cover the skin exposed by the V.

The winning collection is the men. Justin, Jay, Gunnar, Dmitry, Sonjia, Samantha, Alexandria, and Helen are safe. Kate says her girl is going to a garden party. Isaac starts off by saying “I like natural boobs”. The top is OK but then the rest of the dress is too tight and doesn’t go. The slit in the back is too high and there’s a weird seam in the skirt that I didn’t see before. Right at the knee. Michelle’s dress is nice, but Alyssa thinks it looks like a car seat. The back of the dress has weird green strips at the sides. Like, at her shoulders it’s white, but then along the big keyhole she put the green, which is nowhere else in her dress. Patricia’s dress looks poorly made up close. It’s boring, although I feel like the judges are saying they like the idea. Plus if she stands sideways her boobs are pointy because the darts are terrible. Literal points.

Fabio did a really good job with the two colors and the juxtaposition. Alyssa wants it on her body. I’m glad that worked out for him. Chris has a story about his girl and finding a flannel in the trash or something. They get the shirt thing. The top is a little loose, and Ivanka thinks it’s too cliché. Whatever. Ben talks about his dress that he totally changed after Zanna told him to. I mean, it’s a nice dress, don’t get me wrong. But it doesn’t go with the other looks. And no one is saying so.

Isaac thinks they responded well to Chris because of styling as opposed to high fashion. He loved Ben’s the most. Is this going to be like regular Project Runway where the mentor says to do one thing and then the judges want you to do the opposite? Fabio’s jumpsuit is polished and easy. Michelle did do a youthful dress, but the texture is weird. Patricia had terrible darts and construction, but she did at least have an idea. Kate also tried to do something with the bodice, but so much of the rest of it is wrong. Like, everything.

Chris is in. Alyssa says Ivanka has agreed to “wear the winning designer”. Who is Fabio! Yay! He’s happy he won the first challenge. Ben is in. Michelle is in. Patricia is out. Aww. I was hoping for some more crazy. Kate cries like she was the one eliminated. Alyssa doesn’t get up to kiss Patricia goodbye. Patricia does her ululation on the way out and freaks out Isaac. Hee. I think everyone is actually sad to see her go.

This season: some weird giant dice, fighting, stealing materials, a damn wedding (who does that), London, various guest judges. Like Laverne Cox (!). And Nina! And Snooki and JWoww. Snooki. And. JWoww. SNOOKI AND JWOWW. I can’t. That is some serious bullshit you think I will just accept without saying anything, Lifetime. Terrible.


Anonymous said...

snooki. and. jwoww.




Nancy Aaaargh said...

"That is some serious bullshit you think I will just accept without saying anything, Lifetime."