Project Runway All Stars 10/24/13--"You Got Punked!" summary

Previously on Project Runway: Anthony Ryan won the last All-Stars season. This season there are previous winners, which I find weird. Isn’t the point of All-Stars to reward people who should have won the first time around? Who knows. (click for more)

Viktor starts us off, and Mychael Knight. Mychael looks the same, except he seems to be wearing a white T-shirt with leopard print over the torso so it looks like a corset from far away. Oh…Daniel. He was the one last season who got in a fight with Michelle and was like “I am totally in the right here but I am over it. I am mature.” Ugh. Korto! Oh I love her. I hope she does well. Elena wants to prove she’s not a bitch. But you fought with everyone all the time! Remember the stupid photo shoot where she yelled constantly? Melissa is from season 10 which is Elena’s season. They seem happy to see each other. Christopher Palu. Oh yes. Michael Costello version 2.0. They look the same and also act the same.

And now we are to Ari South. You may remember Andy South, who lost to Anya and that irritated everyone. Andy went through gender reassignment and is now Ari. Good for her. Everyone gathers and they sort of trash talk each other. Chris says Elena is crazy. Melissa says Viktor is her competition.

Oh yes. Because this show can’t keep hosts for more than a year, our host/head judge/whatever this season is Alyssa Milano. What fashion credentials does she have? Fuck if I know. Don’t question too much. Biggest All-Stars season ever! Oh, Daniel says Alyssa has a clothing line. So does everyone. Big whoop. She mentions there are only 8 of them, so here’s Jeffrey! What? He won! Winners should not be allowed to be on All-Stars. Mychael says “Goddamn a dog”. I think. Jeffrey says now he has worthy opponents. Oh yes. Jeffrey is an asshat. I remember now. Irina is also back. She and Elena will fight probably. Seth Aaron. OK, I do like him. But still.

No immunity for anything. Winner gets a ton of things. Isaac and Georgina and Alyssa, plus random guest judges. But no Joanna! Zanna instead, which is dumb. I liked Joanna. Here is your first challenge: punk. Make a punk rock look. Guest judge will be Debbie Harry. Nice. Blondie is back in the studio, so everyone gets an iPod with some tracks from the new album and 30 minutes of sketching time. And then Mood, but then…they’re sewing IN Mood? They can’t come back to the workroom until they’re done? This twist is dumb.

Sketching is whatever. Irina brags about her success and is making a cocktail dress. Elena says patchwork is punk rock. Lots of people talking about how great they are and buying leather. They’ve set up work tables on the bottom floor. Swatch is super cute.

Ari says her designing has really improved because she loves herself more. Jeffrey brags that he hasn’t had to make a pattern for grownups for several years and it’s weird. Elena seems worried. Viktor hammers grommets in and hurts himself. Somehow he’s found giant like, two inch diameter grommets that look cool. 7 hours, I think they got. Korto says something about drawing lines with a sharpie like she sewed. Hee. Jeffrey is like, hey Mychael, my scissors are from season 3, they are magic. Mychael is like, I guess. Jeffrey, you are just making Mychael that much more determined. Seth Aaron says he edits better now.

Zanna shows up but I still miss Joanna. Seth Aaron is going fashion forward. Viktor has too many ideas. Korto is maybe too safe. Mychael is covering all his hard work. Jeffrey might not have time. Elena has neon. Chris is not fashion forward. Daniel has some weird hot pink strings or something. Ari doesn’t have punk. Zanna leaves them with the news that the accessory wall is now QVC, the makeup is fucking MARY KAY, and the hair care is Alterna which I haven’t ever even heard of. What is going on here? Does your brand really suck that much that these are the sponsors you can get?

Model fittings. Jeffrey says he can’t take all his stuff apart so fitting may be a problem. Elena is worried because her jacket doesn’t work and she’s the only one who never won a challenge. Her model says sometimes they wear stuff backwards so she tries it and of course it is perfect. Ari hates the pants so she cuts them off and makes sleeves. Chris is not done. Someone else hollers they’re not done but I don’t know who it is.

Runway day. Lots of frantic working. Korto doesn’t have time to help anyone. Seth Aaron kisses up to the hair people. Hot makeup guy Scott! Yay! They don’t give his name but I already know it. Elena loves her look but she’s still nervous. Jeffrey is working hard. Korto says he has the curse of the winner, and now he has to keep that crap up. Elena hopes the judges understand her this time.

Alyssa says you get to sell for QVC and there will be some red carpet event, invented so you can show off. Plus the usual computers and trips and whatever. And $150,000. Alyssa claims the whole package is worth over $750,000. Well, yeah, free hair for all your shows for a year is a lot. Jeffrey: black jacket with a peplum and leopard print lapels. The skirt is a mullet skirt in dingy chiffon. I’m not sure how it’s punk. The top is backless. Chris: the dress is over leggings, I think, and is somehow long on one side and a different color and short on the other side. So it’s a Frankendress? The long side is black and the short side is gray, and then over the whole thing is a dark red jacket with lines of safety pins like seams. Irina: short dress in red and white. There are stripes of the red and white, arranged in semi-circles like petals. I like the design but the model looks like she doesn’t have a chest and the bodice is sitting pretty low. Otherwise it looks good. The back has a zipper and is kind of tacky. Viktor: red floral-print skinny pants, and a black jacket with grommets in the sleeves. The grommets are different sizes. Korto: short black skirt, kind of full, and a short sleeved top. The bottom has some layers and her butt looks big, but there is no back except for a thin strip. Daniel: black capri pants and a black top. Over that is a layer of pink sticks or something. So they sit vertically, and are tied together across the waist. Also he put a weird black bar over the model’s eyes.

Elena: short black skirt and boxy jacket. The jacket is in neon, with like, green boxes, but it looks better backwards. Ari: shorts, and a puce and black top. The top is a black tank with a swatch of the green on one side hanging open. Then sleeves on the arms made out of the legs from the pants. Mychael: white jacket and really short dress. The dress has some cool shoulder details. The jacket doesn’t have any sleeves. Melissa: short dress in what looks like blue velvet, and a white sleeveless vest. The vest is cool, it has a high neck and cool seaming. Seth Aaron: tight pants in a black and white print, a white leather jacket with straps? Like suspenders, almost, but designed to hang down.

Chris, Irina, Mychael, Daniel, and Korto are called forward as safe. Viktor’s outfit is good, but it lacks “tension” and Isaac says that’s not punk. It’s too nicely put together. Jeffrey’s mullet dress has attitude which is what they were looking for. OK, sure. Ari had great construction, and the shorts fit really well and Georgina is impressed. But then she says she wants more imperfections? What? Less put together? I don’t know. Seth Aaron’s plaid is perfect, because of plaid already being used in punk. Isaac loves the proportions. Melissa admits the dress sucks because she spent so much time on the vest. The back has a cool cutout like a tall rectangle right in the middle. She takes off the jacket and they love the dress without it. Of course. Elena gets a lot of praise for her backwards jacket. They say it’s like a straightjacket and bondage is important for punk and so forth.

The actual “judging” part is much like it always is. Jeffrey, Elena, and Seth Aaron are all in the top. The one interesting part here is that Seth Aaron’s doesn’t say “punk” to Georgina and Debbie Harry says it’s an “interpretation”. Ari can’t explain to all her customers, so that makes her outfits slightly less. Melissa’s outfit had some potential. Isaac says punk should be slightly trashy. Viktor didn’t do enough, it sounds like.

Alyssa says the judges loved the designs so much they “decided to raise the bar a little”. Debbie tells them whoever wins, she is going to wear that outfit. Wow. Seth Aaron is in. Elena is the winner. She breaks down crying. It’s her first challenge win, because apparently she didn’t win any on her first season. And Tim says they don’t fix the outcome of the show. Jeffrey is in. Melissa is in. Ari is out. Aww. Viktor cries and promises to do better. Ari thinks if they say the only problem is that it’s too perfect, then that’s fine and she’s still a great designer.

This season: Marge Simpson, everyone cries, stupid fights, field trips, Elena screams about something. Lots of famous judges. Nina!