Previously on Project Runway: Dom won! And there were a bunch of people who maybe shouldn’t have cleared the psych evaluation that they supposedly do before casting! So let’s see how crazy this gets. (click for more)
Tim gets to host. Everyone fakes like they’re happy to be there. Helen admits it’s nerve-wracking and Tim is like “Big Daddy is here to protect you!” Hee. Dom is still on a high. Tim claims this was one of the toughest decisions ever. Alexandria claims to be OK with it (although of course they all want to win, she admits). Tim says her body language says something else. Does it? I guess. She says something about not being able to change the judges’ minds as Helen smirks in the front row. Oh we’re getting to you, missy. Justin is just glad to get this far. Bradon loved his collection and he stands behind his broad strokes. Plus everyone wants him to make them clothes. Angela and Kahindo! You were the first ones out, do you feel bad? I barely remember them. They’re fine. Dom thinks this season is “the most impressive season”. Maybe. Tim agrees, which I read somewhere irritates previous contestants. When they’re like “this season is the best season ever!” Alexander liked “glamping”. Kate liked all the field trips.
Sandro time. Also a clip of his and Ken’s and Helen’s fight, which actually is cast in another light after seeing how Helen and Ken turned out. Sandro says he was upset because…something about “the person who I always fight for” and “disappointed” and who knows. Tim has no idea what is going on. Sandro was upset with Helen. She does admit she was out of line to yell at him, whereas I think it was out of line for her to react to his weirdness by saying “Everyone remember how I got dumped on and feel bad for me”. But sure, I see what she’s saying. I think he’s saying he expected her to agree with him, so when she told him he shouldn’t act like that he was upset. And then Helen says something about interviews. That’s not what anyone was talking about. Tim stands up for her (sigh) because she had a good question: why talk back to the judges when you’re safe? Sandro says he wanted feedback, all these women like his work, and he only has an issue with one person and Tim knows who it is. Tim has to force him to say it’s Zac. Yeah, Zac laid into him. Sandro thinks Zac hated him so much because Zac is jealous when someone younger and more talented and more attractive than him is the only person the crew can talk about. Wow. There are a lot of people making faces now. He is so crazy. Tim asks if everyone agrees and everyone laughs. You need a thick skin. Sandro tries to say he’s a cool bitch but there is smashing a camera and being a cool bitch. “That’s just how I am”. Motto of asshats everywhere.
Tim says, lots of fights. Montage of stupid fights during the team challenges. Actually it seems to be mostly Ken being a bitch from when he was on the team with Alexandria and Sue. They did not communicate and also did not have fun. Ken claims he had good intentions and he tried. Then he apologizes and it seems sincere so there’s that. Ken also claims he says whatever and he doesn’t hold onto it because life is too short. Alexandria talks about negative energy. Every time she talks Helen makes faces. Way to seem mature.
Now is time for Timothy and Miranda. Where she was a bitch and then she felt bad and apologized and Timothy was a total jerk about it. Timothy says they made up and she nods. She was really embarrassed. I feel like this is probably not how she usually is because how often do you hear jerks talking about how embarrassed they are? Ken’s not embarrassed. Sandro’s not embarrassed.
OK, Ken vs. Alexander. And I guess Bradon technically. Tim asks Ken what he feels when he watches that. I still think Alexander didn’t take all the blame he should have. Ken says he “expresses” himself “differently”. Yeah, is that what you’re calling it? Everyone was frustrated and tired. That seems to be the excuse. Justin thinks it just was a “perfect storm” of things. So maybe Ken and Alexander aren’t normally like that? Ken is though. But he says if he could do it over he would move. Oh, alright, heh. Then he admits if he had moved in the first place, none of that would have happened. Good.
Miranda tells everyone she made a ton of friends. Jeremy didn’t expect to make a single friend. Hee. Helen admits she didn’t expect to be friends with Kate. Montage of Helen talking about Kate, including the clip from the first episode where she called Kate a bitch. Tim says Helen drove him to despair because of her “process” of having a complete breakdown all the time. Montage of Helen having a breakdown every challenge. Helen laughs at herself except for every time someone has an interview about her she looks pissed. Then she says she “doesn’t take criticism well” which certainly is true. She tries to claim to Tim she doesn’t get herself worked up. Uh huh. She blames it on being on her period, which probably sets feminism back several decades, and then complains that there were several meltdowns this season and why focus on her? Have you been paying attention? That is ALL we have been doing. Tim makes her stop and says she sounds defensive, but she insists that she “never” had meltdowns like this EVER and people won’t hire her and whatever. Arguing that you’re not a drama queen doesn’t work when you failed at social media so thoroughly. Then everyone is like “it’s so hard to be on this show” which, what the fuck EVER. You’re on TV. If you don’t like it, then don’t be on TV. It is season 12. You know what you are getting into.
Tim is tired of everyone. I do not feel bad for how everyone is stressed and tired and working hard. Not one bit. Everyone is blaming how hard they were working and I am really done with all the whining about how little time they have, usually we have more than 8 hours, blah blah. If you can’t figure out by now that you will not have time to do anything properly, then you’re not paying attention. I just noticed they put quotes on the walls. Dumb. There weren’t that many great quotes. Dom says she went into every challenge excited about how much fun she was going to have. That’s why she won, I bet.
Tim says he doesn’t see any of the confessional footage until the show airs. Montage of trash talking from confessional. Generally I don’t really pay attention to the little inset box where people are talking about the clip, but the first clip is of Alexandria saying Kate should go home, and Helen being like “Oh, wow” like she didn’t call Kate a bitch IN THE SAME EPISODE. OK, if I get mad at Helen all the time I’ll never get this done. There is some trash talking about dresses and some about people’s personalities, which is always a tricky thing. Mostly I think people laughed at it.
Helen and Ken both have regrets. Ken says he wishes he had been more professional. He’s either grown up or someone told him how to do damage control. Either way it’s a nice foil to Sandro and whatever the hell he’s been talking about. Helen thought she could “put all drama aside” but it didn’t happen. Yeah…that’s true. Then she says she doesn’t understand why Alexandria hates her. Is that why she’s been such a bitch on Twitter about Alexandria? Way to put all drama aside. Oh, wait, I see, this is her excuse for being a bitch. “I don’t know what is so disgusting about me”. Tim is like, she’s sitting behind you, ask her. Alexandria is confused, because apparently she didn’t think she harbored any animosity towards anyone. Really? I mean, Helen’s no saint but Alexandria tended to go after people’s personalities and not designs. Also you have no idea that’s what people thought? You can’t even muster up “I know it looked that way but I didn’t mean it”? It’s so weird. She does point out that she’s not the only one who said anything nasty, which is certainly true. So Helen’s like, so I’m pulling this out of thin air, and Alexandria says, yeah pretty much. Wow. I’m somehow perversely impressed with Alexandria and how stone cold that was.
Kate says she was super nice and it hurt to hear how nice Alexandria was. Well, she was like, stealthy about it. That’s why it was weird on the runway when she threw everyone under the bus. Helen asks if she should apologize, and Alexandria is like, I don’t know what you’re talking about so no? Helen responds that she said plenty of nasty things about Alexandria, but totally justified so it’s OK when Helen does it. But whatever. Alexandria has nothing to say. No one will stick up for either of them, until eventually Ken says Alexandria does talk about people behind their backs. Helen keeps talking but OMG you are not going to get an apology. She doesn’t feel bad. Stop creating drama and drop it. Alexandria says she fast forwards through some of the show and Helen’s like “oh, I fast forward through you too.” THEN HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT YOU? Helen, you just look like a bitch. Finally Alexandria says it’s draining when Helen freaks out, and Helen has no response but to say that Alexandria freaks out too and that’s uncomfortable too, except she doesn’t freak out as much as you, so shut up. Oh, and then Helen pulls out the “And you’re a teacher?!” line like she’s SO concerned about America’s youth, and Helen you can fuck right off. Finally Sandro, of all people, basically tells her to shut up because she looks bad. I don’t think Helen won that. Alexandria didn’t get upset, you didn’t hurt her, and you didn’t get your apology so what it looked like was someone beating up on a person who does not care. And the person who does not care always wins.
Fine, let’s talk about the Tim Gunn save. Everyone loves Justin. Justin didn’t want to disappoint anyone with his second chance. Yeah, I could see that. Ken says he thinks Justin has a bigger calling than this (dumb) show, so he doesn’t think anyone is mad at Tim that he saved Justin and not them.
Tim has some tweets about the show. Helen looks slightly worried. She should be. Jeremy tweeted “Tomorrow’s fucking episode is all about Bradon’s phony marriage proposal”. Damn, really? And then Ken responded, “Child I know! I hope he gets his damn Oscar nomination.” Bradon doesn’t look very amused. Helen looks scandalized, like, bitch I saw some of the things you said. Jeremy thought the proposal was “scene-stealing”. But Jeremy is already married! He won’t budge from his opinion that Bradon was trying to hog the spotlight or whatever. Bradon is like, I was in the moment and I would hope you would have some happiness for me because it’s what you have already. See, that’s how you do it. Bradon also claims someone messaged him that he was able to change their mind about gay marriage. Sure. Ken tweeted about the judges having their pets on leashes. The judges have favorites. Yes. Tim pretends to not understand, but we all know it’s true. The judges play favorites. Alexander gets bitchy because I guess Tim “twisted” his words about the judges having favorites and implied Alexander didn’t think Dom should have won. Tim claims that’s not what he said and that’s not what Alexander said and whatever. Tim has a whole pile of bitter tweets from Alexander, because his tweets are about how the show is rigged and everyone has to fit whatever stereotype, because I guess Alexander doesn’t watch reality shows. He has a point though. Tim gets offended and says he has too much integrity to be part of a production that would plan out the whole season. Tim, come on. We all know they do it. The producers have gotten really sloppy about it. Tim says bullshit but Tim, I’m sorry, but I don’t buy it. Sandro thinks the judges go on Google to look them up and Tim is like, false, loser, they don’t give a shit about you. Tim then claims if the show was rigged, Mondo would have won season 8. Oh, Tim. Why do you think they invented All-Stars in the first place? So Mondo could win.
Kate claims she doesn’t have a favorite season, but this season she didn’t have to be on stupid teams so this season was good. Dom is close to everyone. Alexandria thought it was cool to be pushed in challenges. Who has had fan encounters? Ken says people come up to him and say he’s not as crazy as they thought. Hee. Timothy says he has the opposite, everyone says he really is that crazy. Many pre-teen girl fans. Helen claims she got a lot of emails from married men. Bitch please. Justin has a new family.
The end! Finally! All-Stars next!