Thursday, October 31, 2013

Project Runway All Stars 10/31/13--"Bitten by the Fashion Bug" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the All-Stars made punk clothing, and sewed in Mood for no reason. Elena won, because she never won a challenge in her original season. You know that’s why. Ari went home for making clothes that were too perfect, which was fine with her. (click for more)

Everyone goes to the American Museum of Natural History. Alyssa is dressed in a strapless baby doll dress and boots like it’s 1997. They will be inspired by insects and arachnids. Also they will have to use “their unique features” in an avant-garde challenge. Everyone claps and gasps like she said they would win extra money. So you know there will be some crazy shit happening. Oh, and the insects are alive. Ha! Alyssa says some of them are deadly so don’t open the jars. Duh, Alyssa. I’m pretty sure no one was going to do that. Elena gets to pick first, and she picks out a grasshopper. Everyone else has to run and hope to get to whatever they want first. Irina gets stuck with a millipede as the slowest person. People sketch and I’m sure there will be a lot of angular designs and armor.

$250 at Mood. That doesn’t seem like a lot of “avant-garde”. I guess you only get piles of money for couture. Elena put her shopping list on her sketch and then promptly lost it. Irina thinks that Elena is just always stressed so whatever.

10 hours to work. I think the workspace is at Parsons? Not Parsons? Like it matters anyway. The museum lent them the bugs for the day. Viktor plugs the accessory wall. Korto tells us she’s gone back to Liberia and did a show for the president, she’s made clothes for famous people, she’s done really well. Melissa claims to still be running on adrenaline from when she was on before. Sure. Elena continues to talk about how much she’s freaking out. She’s involving everyone much like Helen did last season. That’ll get old quickly. Jeffrey talks about how long it’s been since he made anything himself, but he sounds like his old jerky self.

Zanna comes in to bother everyone. Mychael has been making a really literal dress with tiers across the shoulders and bust. Zanna tells him it’s terrible and he’ll be going home. Elena has spent the past three hours sketching and not doing anything, but she’s also going literal. Jeffrey has foam. Or something. Irina’s millipede has stripes so her dress has stripes. That seems to be happening a lot. Zanna does like what Chris has though. Daniel appears to get approval. Melissa has a white and black design, and Zanna looks confused before she is not impressed. Zanna addresses everyone to tell them this isn’t avant-garde and they all need to step it up.

Everyone freaks out to varying degrees based on how much Zanna hated what they were doing. Chris talks about how crazy it is to scrap something you’ve spent hours on, but he got praise for what he was doing so of course he thinks it’s crazy. Model fittings. Elena has nothing so she puts her model to work. Then she shrieks about something and irritates the whole room. In confessional she claims to be an avant-garde designer so her reputation is on the line.

Runway day. No one seems to be super frantic except Elena. Jeffrey is covering his model’s head with a bag. No really. Melissa wanted to make a bunch of stuff but she only has two pieces of it. I’m not sure what she’s talking about but it sounds bad. Hot makeup guy Scott. Now there is half an hour left and here is the usual flailing. Elena is like, sobbing as she is working. Viktor helps her because he feels bad, but I’m already over it. Now Melissa is crying too. So I’m sure they’re both fine.

I notice the designers on All-Stars get cushy chairs and not stools to sit on during the runway show. Guest judges are Anya and jeweler Jennifer Meyer. Seth Aaron: short red dress, sleeveless, in overlapping petals of shiny red. I think it might be patent leather or vinyl. The top is red with black trim, and the skirt is a slight mullet skirt. Actually the petals are only over her left side which is cool. It’s supposed to look like a cockroach. Mychael: gray dress with a cape. I think it’s a cape, or it’s a cocoon. It’s pretty tight across her torso. There are peeks of bright green along the front in a V and the back too, like he cut strips and then twisted them. I think it looks cool. Daniel: brown dress, sleeveless, with a train. There is a high narrow collar of some sheer shiny fabric which is repeated in the skirt. The opaque fabric (which is quilted) goes to her knee and then it’s sheer for another six inches or so. The train is narrow so it looks like a tail. Maybe the fabric isn’t quilted but it has that look to it. Korto: black pants and a black jacket with a wide belt. The pants have yellow inseams and what looks like hair sticking out. The jacket has a peplum and some shiny black trim. Probably the same thing the hair is made out of. She had a centipede.

Jeffrey: so first of all, her head is wrapped in gold fabric. Then across her torso there is a horizontal band of beige with reddish-brown feathers along the top. She looks like she is wearing a lampshade, but a shitty one because clearly it overlaps in the back like a shawl. The pants are high waisted and in the same beige, except for one entire leg which is red. Somehow this is a scorpion. Melissa: black dress with some sculptural details at her hips and a weird back. I can’t see anything interesting in it right now. Viktor: long white gown, with a deep V and a cape or shawl or something. I think it’s attached to her arms. Along the neckline he’s painted green and yellow like the colors of the butterfly. The back of the cape has some origami folds. Irina: black gown with a really wide skirt, it’s very stiff and a cool shape. There is fringe everywhere like hair. Also there’s a weird ring of fringe around her head. Millipede. Chris: silver and black bodysuit, with vertical lines right down the middle of her torso. The bodysuit is wider over her hips, and then he painted black on her ankles? Sure. It’s futuristic and very interesting. And there are spikes on her fingers. Elena: long-sleeved dress, tight, in a yellow-green outlined in black. So there are panels like scales all over the dress. The waist is orange and there is an orange panel down the front like a long vertical line. It turned out much better than I thought.

Irina, Elena, and Melissa are called out to “be critiqued this week.” What does that mean? Seth Aaron and Korto are safe. Seth Aaron pretty much knocks people over in his haste to run away. Mychael, Jeffrey, and Daniel are also getting critiqued, while Viktor and Chris are safe. Why can’t you just read off the four safe people and be done with it? Irina wanted a big skirt to mimic how “hermit-like” her millipede is. It is avant-garde, or at least Georgina thinks so, but maybe the feather hoop over her face is too much. They think it looks good. Daniel wanted a little sparkle. The high neck is terrible, because basically it’s up over the model’s chin. The sparkle is nice but it doesn’t go with anything else. Anya says the fabric looks cheap. Jeffrey says the single red leg is about violence. Isaac starts out saying the hood is stupid, but then he veers off to complain about how she can’t drink a martini but who is wearing this shit at a party? Under the lampshade is a one-shouldered long sleeved top. They have a pissy argument about if avant-garde clothes should be clothes you can wear to a party or something, or if you should ignore practicality. No one on this show does that much actual “avant-garde” anyway. Isaac just says it’s hard to critique. The lampshade is clumsy, but Alyssa does admit at least she’s never seen it before. Guest judge Jennifer manages to confuse me by saying it was phallic and about to attack her. Sure.

Elena’s dress has some vertical fins on her shoulders. They love it, of course, because you knew they would when she was freaking out all episode. It’s avant-garde. OK, moving on. Mychael was thinking about a cocoon, which is what is going on with the top piece. The fabric looks like wool, and they love how expensive it looks. The bits of green that look like twists of fabric are gorgeous up close. Melissa pretty much begs the judges to take a closer look at her outfit. It’s a nice enough dress, but it’s not very avant-garde. The straps are “spidery” like legs, which is true, but they wish she had finished with all the other legs too.

Jeffrey announces that if he goes home, he loves his lampshade so screw them anyway. Mychael made some couture that looked very modern. Elena’s dress looked like an insect and she also used her materials strategically and whatever. It’s not better than Mychael’s. Irina made her skirt in such a way that it reminded you of how a millipede looks. She was experimenting and it worked. Melissa had a good idea and a good start, but it’s not enough. The dress is fine though. Daniel was too literal and had ugly fabrics. Jeffrey intimidated Isaac into liking his garment, just through how he presented it. But in the end it’s not that great.

Irina is in. The winner is Mychael! Yay! Elena is in. Jeffrey is safe. Of course, he had an idea and went for it. Being boring is worse than being crazy. Daniel is out. See, I told you Melissa would be safe. Back in the Scrap Bin everyone yells about Daniel going home. I always wonder about that. Melissa is RIGHT THERE and your yelling in shock makes it sound like you thought she would be the one going home. But they do it every time? Do none of them think about that? Daniel says everyone understands him and that is beautiful.

Next week: I don’t know, because there is a very, VERY, stupid ad about some other bullshit show on this network. So if you want to know what happens next week, then fuck you, I guess.

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