Project Runway All Stars 3/31/16--"Once Upon a Runway" summary

Previously on “Project Runway All Stars”: so the judges decided no one could pick out fabric ever. The answer to that is obviously to assign types of fabric to everyone and then force them to switch fabrics with other designers once purchased. Everyone traded around but you will note that Kini and Sam, two designers who have “drama”, exchanged fabric with each other. There was a lot of Sam crowing that he found something awesome to do with Kini's shit fabric, and a lot of Kini bitching that he couldn't do anything with Sam's shit fabric. Kini made a horrible horrible lace bathrobe but was safe somehow. Dom created a striped skirt out of solid colors of linen, and it was really cool, so she won. Valerie's jumpsuit was boring, and Layana's was puckery and tacky, but I guess boring was more of an issue because Valerie was sent home. (click for more)

Field trip to...a bookstore? A “theater” bookshop? Anyway, this is about “Finding Neverland” AGAIN. That show really, really wanted a reality show to talk about them because I feel like every iteration of this show has talked about “Finding Neverland”. Today's challenge is to make a “modern look” for a female character in literature. You guys, my initial reaction to this is “Oh wow, that sounds awesome” followed immediately by “I wonder how this dumb show will ruin it”. Sigh. Alyssa claims they must only use the character's back story from literature, not any pop culture. How are you going to enforce that? It's not like you can un-know things. Anyway, Dom goes first because she won, but that just means she gets assigned Tinkerbell. Sam gets The Little Mermaid, Kini has Alice, Asha has Rapunzel, Emily has the Snow Queen (possibly extremely hard because I assume the “no pop culture” means “do not do Elsa from “Frozen”), Ken gets Snow White, Layana gets Belle, Alexander gets Cinderella. I notice every single one of these women is in a Disney movie, which according to Alyssa they are not supposed to use for inspiration.

They sketch in Mood for some reason. My sister texted me a picture and I immediately knew it was Mood. Really she was visiting New York and saw a flyer in there for “Project Runway Jr. season 2” and was asking me if that was a thing. But I'm jealous she went to Mood. Swatch wasn't there though. Kini is of course using denim. Asha has some idea to make a gown over a jumpsuit. Sam finds a mesh like a net. Dom buys a ton of prints.

Alexander has a costume background so I guess everyone is expecting him to win. He has a bunch of deep reds that look cool. Layana is mentally thrown by being in the bottom the past two challenges. Ken interviews that he's nervous because of how there are only 8 of them left. He then makes a comment to everyone during lunch that there SHOULD be 6 of them. Damn straight. Kini points out that the only person who was “saved” by a non-elimination and is still there is Sam. Mitchell, Daniel Franco, and Valerie have all been eliminated since they were saved. Sam proves he can't read the room for shit and is like “well but I also have won twice, how many times have you won, Kini?” Dude, just shut up. Kini claps back with “I won three times, on PROJECT RUNWAY, and I went to Fashion Week.” Ha! Dom makes a ton of faces because this is hilarious. Sam keeps talking, but seriously. Kini has the best point. Also we have to bring up the part about how Kini made Sam's jumpsuit that one time, which is true but also WE GET IT. Were you wondering if the All-Stars from regular “Project Runway” feel that “Under the Gunn” was not real “Project Runway”? There you go. Actually, it's mostly about how no one likes Sam. Asha is not getting the same hatred as far as we know. Ken and Layana have a discussion about the damn jumpsuit, and Ken acts like this is the first he's heard of it. Are you kidding me? That's all everyone has interviewed about for weeks. You're telling me in all this time Ken never heard about how Kini made most of Sam's jumpsuit during the one team challenge they had. When people are saying shit in the workroom left and right, Ken never went “Wait, what?” and no one explained it to him? You guys are full of shit. Anyway, Ken hollers at Sam and confirms this information (to his credit, Sam does admit Kini made a bunch of that look, while simultaneously claiming he himself somehow made all the parts the judges liked). Do not tell me that all this time Ken was either unaware of this conflict or decided it was for no reason and never tried to find out why everyone hated Sam. Or that no one told him.

Zanna Time. Dom's look has weird clashing prints. She needs to sell it. Asha has a jumpsuit. I am so tired of jumpsuits. Alexander must modernize. Layana has a skirt with yellow panels, between black and white print panels? Ken is making a power suit. Emily is making “old lady”. Sam has some tacky shit, and Zanna tells him to have “freedom”. Kini has a big giant ruffle on the back of his look which is weird.

Kini points out that he and Layana haven't won yet. Alexander and Kini gossip about how Sam sucks. Model fittings. Alexander is really behind. But probably everyone is behind.

Runway Day. Layana is questioning her outfit which is not a good sign on runway day. Hot makeup guy Scott. Sam has his hair slicked back and has glasses on, but knowing him they're fake hipster glasses. He also thinks his clothes are Marc Jacobs level, which, no. Layana still has to sew the bodice to the skirt.

Guest judges are Kesha (it says Kesha and not Ke$ha which is too bad because “Key-Dollar Sign-Ha” is one of the few awesome things to come out of “Glee”) and Brad Goreski, “celebrity stylist”. Dom: slim cigarette pants and a long top, in a variety of black and white prints. I thought the top was a knee-length tunic, but it's got buttons down the front and the model has put her hands in her pockets so it's open all down the front. The bottom half of the coat is red and blue checks, and has long sleeves and a pointed button-down collar. It's very busy and I'm not sure how it says “Tinkerbell” but it's not boring. The back seems to have cutouts over her shoulder blades. Like, there is a thin strip of fabric from the back of her neck to right where her bra strap would be, and the rest of the back is missing. Alexander: long dark red gown, mermaid skirt, strapless sweetheart neckline. There is an overlay of chiffon in the same color. I guess it's Cinderella? In that it's a gown? But I'm also kind of bored and wish he had interpreted her rags. Emily: a silver sparkly jacket with big panels. It looks like armor over her shoulders, with elbow-length sleeves and an off-center placket. It fastens up the side and there aren't visible buttons, you know? Then some slim silver pants. It says “Snow Queen” without saying “Elsa” which is nice. I really like this for some reason. The pants are sparkly too. Ken: tomato red pants and sleeveless top. The top has a weird high collar that comes up to right under her chin, and then has pointed flaps like a regular button-down collar, but because it's so high they're just hanging there. The pants look good, like they fit well. Is it Snow White? I guess. When they show a close up you can see some of the panels are leather, and the tailoring is great.

Sam: crop top and pencil skirt, although the crop top is long enough that you can't see any skin. It's a white mesh fabric with strips of dark metallic fabric sewn on the front. There are strips on the back of the skirt too, so she's not flashing anyone, but I'm kind of “meh” about the whole thing. Asha: the bodice has a deep V and no sleeves, with a big peplum and a train. The front ends at the peplum, and then the back goes down to the floor like a train. Also matching cigarette pants and...sandals? Kini: dark denim sheath dress, knee-length and sleeveless. The front is standard (with an inset white shirt collar for some reason), but the back is a giant pink and white ruffle. It is a really weird silhouette. Like a turtle. Layana: her dress is two fabrics, a black and white print and a yellow. The bodice is about half and half, diagonally. The skirt is the print with panels of the yellow in between the panels of the print. Also the skirt is tea length which seems weird. It's fine but not particularly earth shattering.

Ken and Emily are safe. Kini explains how his Alice is going to a “denim tea party”. Isaac thinks it's too costumey. But he loves the idea because it's very Fashion. They like the whimsy of it. Sam talks about nets or whatever. One sleeve is shorter than the other, and Georgina points out that it's not different enough to be on purpose. It's cheap and Isaac says crop tops on All-Stars is always a mistake. Oh, Sam didn't do well. Good. Layana makes up a story about Belle and the Beast going to a polo match in Argentina. There is too much going on and somehow Isaac is going to dock her points because that's not what you wear to polo matches in Argentina. Asha talks about Rapunzel and how her “stepmother, the queen” is on her for not dressing up enough. Rapunzel's “stepmother” is not a stepmother, nor is she a queen. Come on, Asha. They love the “skirt” (really the long train) over the pants. Georgina doesn't love the fabric but Isaac and Brad love the flats. I guess but those particular sandals are ugly. When they show the flats you can also see the pants are not hemmed perfectly. Alexander wanted to modernize the gown of Cinderella. It's really old and the back of the skirt is weird and lumpy. Lumpy ass. Isaac hates the neckline too, and Kesha is like “Be nice!” because I guess she doesn't understand where she is? Isaac claims that he loves Alexander so that's why he's this way. It's like a bridesmaid dress, or a pageant dress. Neither of those are compliments. Dom's weird cut-outs on the back are spaces for Tinkerbell's wings. Brad wants to take this outfit right now to put on someone. They really love it. Alyssa points out that she took a black and white striped ribbon to put on the inside of the coat, at the hem, which is a detail not everyone would notice.

In the Scrap Bin, Layana and Alexander argue about who got the worst review. Sam claims to not understand his feedback. Really? Your construction was so poor your sleeves were different lengths. It was clear. Kini tells him that last week they didn't like his construction and this week they didn't like his construction so he's glad they finally called Sam on it. Ouch. Sam seems insulted but seriously, I do not get how you didn't understand the critique. The judges liked Kini's whimsy and Isaac loves the white collar. They respect his risk-taking. They love Asha's train and how it evoked a braid. There is a weird side argument about how Isaac loves boobs but hates the deep V neckline most of the time. No that happened. Dom was really cool and fresh. Alexander's gown was really boring and the skirt looked cheaply made. Layana had a taste issue and Georgina hates her taste in colors. Sam phoned it in and Alyssa is insulted. Kesha says she hasn't seen anything like that before, but girl there is a reason for that.

Kini is safe. The winner is Asha. Interesting. Dom is in. I'm not opposed but I still am slightly irritated about the whole “Rapunzel's stepmother the queen” thing. Back in the Scrap Bin Asha tells Kini and Dom it was an honor to be up there with them. I wonder if that's part of why everyone hates Sam. Because he's not a “real” All-Star because he wasn't on the “real” show and he refuses to act like he's lucky to be there at all. He certainly is way cockier than Asha. Sam is in. Of course. Alexander is out. Layana is in. Alexander seems to leave without a goodbye double cheek kiss from Alyssa. He says he liked being here and he didn't realize he “designed old”.

Next week: baseball, “athleasure wear”, Ken appears to walk out, someone makes a cocktail dress and I bet this is like the time they made Olympic uniforms.