Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Quest episode 4: "Battle Dome"

Previously on “The Quest”: the Queen was poisoned, so the paladins were sent into the woods to open some doors and get ingredients for the antidote. Andrew was the fastest, and was allowed to mix the ingredients and give the antidote to the queen. The vizier continued to be evil. Bonnie, Jim, and Christian were the worst again. Christian is terrible. The Fates’ challenge required grinding rocks and balancing a scale, and Bonnie was the fastest. Despite telling Christian last time that no one was going to save him again, everyone did which is dumb. So Jim was eliminated. The cliffhanger is that the castle is under attack and the paladins have to suit up. (click for more)

Everyone runs around and eventually the paladins start putting on chain mail. Well not really chain mail, more like long robes with chain mail attached. But you get the idea. Ansgar stops them while some people are still not armored or don’t have helmets. He says it was a drill. Terrible. They would have all lost. Ansgar asks who is responsible for them sucking. He answers his own question and says it’s his own fault. He will prepare them. The kingdom thanks them for saving the Queen, and tomorrow they will start again with training and a test. Bonnie, Shondo, and Andrew get to pick who they will go to battle with. These are the three who’ve won a challenge so far. Shondo picks Patrick and Jasmine. Bonnie takes Adria and Leticia, and Andrew takes Christian (sigh) and Lina. Ansgar sends them to bed.

In the morning everyone practices sword fighting in the courtyard. Christian is of course confident. I think Shondo calls this “swag school”. Everyone puts their all into it. Ansgar stops Shondo and Christian to ask Shondo where Christian’s weak points are. As he talks Shondo points at Christian, stone-faced. He’s ready to kick your ass, Christian. But he says he trusts Christian. Bad idea, Ansgar says. Christian says Shondo’s mind is his weak point. Ouch. Now Shondo is really pissed. Everyone clears out so they can watch the trained actors fight. They’re of course much better and more violent. Today they worked with swords. This afternoon they will have the chance to show what they’ve learned. Everyone is mean about each other’s weaknesses. Lina particularly tells Ansgar and everyone about Andrew and Christian’s bromance. Ha. Andrew denies it, but Ansgar just says she clearly feels that way, so even that is a problem. Always trust your gut. Ansgar yells at everyone to stop being nice. I thought people were mean. Yesterday when they picked their teams, they thought they were teammates. Oh no, you are battling against them. Oops. Lina is totally convinced the two boys will gang up on her now. Patrick promises to crush Jasmine. Heh. Leticia feels much better now, because she went from the weakest team, to the strongest person on her team. Everyone gets swords and helmets and tunics and stuff and heads to the Battle Dome.

Oh man, they all look super nervous. The Battle Dome is a round arena with catwalks for people to stand on and watch. The floor is a circle with planks covered in canvas. The planks run around the edge of the circle and then into the middle to divide the floor into three portions. Andrew, Christian, and Lina are up first. They all fight at the same time, all three people on the team. Lina quickly runs to the walls. When Christian goes for her, she and Andrew try to squash him. Sadly she’s the first one to fall. Andrew is focused, and when he and Christian match up he just floors Christian. Good. Hey, Christian isn’t up for the bottom three today.

Bonnie and Leticia start swinging swords at each other, and then Adria joins in on Bonnie’s side. Adria then just steps off the plank. Like she forgot where she was and just took a step back. That sucks. The other two girls are really into it until Leticia drops her sword. Christian yells that she has everything she needs, and she just rushes Bonnie and knocks her into the hay.

Shondo is all over this challenge. Jasmine, though, is freaking out. Shondo is aggressive and Jasmine circles to come at him from the back. She almost manages to knock him in, but loses her balance and falls in. She’s seriously pissed she had to go against the two biggest guys here. Shondo just bashes Patrick and shoves him until he falls.

The final match is Andrew, Shondo, and Leticia. She’s scared. Andrew runs around to come at Shondo from the wall instead of the center, and he just runs right into him and shoves him into the hay. Leticia, meanwhile, has gotten over to the wall. Andrew’s momentum carries him into the wall right next to Leticia, and all she has to do is put her back to the wall and push and Andrew falls right next to Shondo. The whole thing took about three seconds. Awesome! Shondo says he’s a little jealous she got the Dub. Hee. He’s a really good sport. She really wanted a medal. Jasmine, Lina, and Adria will face the Fates later.

Leticia really wants Jasmine to win and stick around. Shondo and Andrew come in. Shondo makes a face and pretends to be very upset. Hee. Jasmine is still complaining about how lopsided her battle was. Christian promises Lina he and Andrew will support her.

The Fates are cloaked today because it’s raining. It’s a nice touch. The Fates’ challenge is to stand in a circle and use a sword to smash skulls. I guess the skulls are being launched at them with catapults or whatever. Jasmine puts on what looks like a fencer’s mask and starts smashing skulls with the sword. She gets the first couple of skulls but then she starts missing. Some of them seem pretty far away from her so I wonder if she just doesn’t have the reach. She gets five skulls. Adria is up second, and she gets seven. Lina is pretty worried, but she manages to get five skulls after missing the first few. Adria wins and she looks pretty relieved.

Leticia says Jasmine did really well at the horse challenge, but Lina hasn’t really risen to her potential. Bonnie doesn’t know what she’s going to do. They both did the same this challenge, and they were both brave in the main challenge. Andrew interviews that he’s still pissed she called him and Christian out, even though she’s totally right and not voting for her just makes that clear. If you want to prove you don’t have a bromance with Christian, then voting for someone because they accused you is not the way to convince everyone there is nothing going on. You dummy. Shondo says anyone who can run at him with a sword has some balls.

Only Leticia and Shondo vote for Jasmine, which makes me slightly uncomfortable. I mean…no white people wanted to vote for the black person up for elimination? I feel like I have to mention it. Anyway, Jasmine is banished. I wonder if all her complaining about how unfair it all was turned some people against her. Or if it was something else. Anyway, Lina gives her a hug before leaving. She’s pissed, although she claims she’s not going to get mad about it.

Back at the castle everyone heads for their rooms. Leticia misses Jasmine already. Lina promises everyone she’s going to prove she has what they will need. She’ll prove herself. In the morning Crio puts everyone to work moving dead animals and fixing carts. The Queen rides in and greets everyone. Andrew of course gets it in that she’s hot. I’m not that upset because I think Ansgar is pretty hot, so. The Queen congratulates Leticia and then says her strength is not high yet so she has to rest. Everyone smiles about how she looks so much better. Ansgar is really chatty and nice until a soldier sprints in and says there’s an ogre. Dun dun DUN!

Next time: I guess ogres.

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