Thursday, September 25, 2014

Project Runway 9/25/14--"Muse on the Street" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone had to make clothes for pre-teens based on American Girl dolls. You’ll note that they never once said the outfits would be produced for sale. Not like Barbie. Kini won, because his tweed and red plaid were really cute. Not super exciting but cute. I would wear it. Sandhya kept going with her weird clothes and made a pink onesie with a damn peplum so she was eliminated. It’s true that she and Fade had the only interesting finale collections, but her clothes were crazy and I’m not upset about it. This show now rewards boring clothes you can sell and we will never have another runway show where you gasp and remember the outfits for years. Stupid. (click for more)

The boys talk about how they want their own models back. Kini wants to win. Clearly. Alexander thinks that because he’s young and still in school he has what it takes, but he hasn’t won yet. They are terrible with this editing. Either he’s going to win or he’s out. Amanda babbles about not going home before Fashion Week but she should know from the last season that she’s made it. Because of the stupid lack of planning on Lifetime’s part.

The Mary Kay guy is in the workroom, not hot makeup guy Scott but some other guy they want to pretend is in charge. We all know Scott runs the show. Anyway, there is some blah blah about inner and outer beauty or whatever. It’s a makeover challenge, which means that whoever has the nerdiest, dowdiest model will get the biggest transformation and they will win, regardless of how their outfit looks. However! Today they will go to the park and find complete strangers to be models and “muses”. Really? Emily thinks everyone will be nervous. The makeup guy says not to find models, to “dig deeper”. They are grading before and after. Oh, so we’re going to be honest about that, then? I see. He basically just said “find someone ugly”. But I’m sure no one will find anyone who is fat. Also they have two days, which means I am on “surprise twist” alert. Winner will get to be featured in a Mary Kay ad.

There is a lot of rejection happening here. I wonder if it’s that people don’t trust a “makeover” challenge, or if it’s people who know the show and are thinking “I don’t want to be on that damn show, what if this person is the season’s jerk? What if it’s something ridiculous?” Sean turns down someone who is “too short”. See, maybe that’s why you’re failing. Emily finds a yoga instructor who seems to like the things she does, so she’s good to go. Amanda is asking people if she can make them an outfit, which probably works better than asking if they want a makeover. Eventually people find suckers to be on this show. Kini finds someone who has a completely different style from him. He’s worried. Korina finds a ballerina, I guess. Sean is still getting rejected, probably because he’s looking for models. He’s a cute Australian so this shouldn’t be this hard. He’s overly picky, I think. Finally there’s some girl who is free. Every one of these girls is thin and if not pretty, at least Hollywood plain. Whatever.

Kini is fed up and seems to be giving up, but I’m sure he actually isn’t doing that. At least I hope not. Emily is making a fin? That goes around her arms at the shoulder? Korina likes her jacket. Kini doesn’t like his dress, and he talks about his mom and then is like “I’ll make the dress out of denim”. There are Mary Kay consults which are dumb, like always. Smoky eye. Red lip. Blah blah. Everyone goes home.

Day two. Korina brags about how she is the best. Also she says shit about Char and Kini so we are enemies now. Tim Time! Korina’s jacket is leather, or fake leather, in cobalt blue. Everyone says how this is all she can do, which is what she said about everyone else. Ha! Char wants short shorts, but as long as her model is comfortable. It’s for after work. Also why are we asking Korina for her opinions about everyone? I don’t care, no one cares. Shut up, Korina. Amanda has something that is crooked. Kini has two dresses, because he sews so quickly. Sean’s dress is fine, but it isn’t him. Emily’s skirt is like, red with black lines like a checkerboard pattern, with a flounce, and then the top with the tall ruffle. Like a stiff tutu worn around her shoulder. Alexander’s outfit is…green plaid? But with polka dot fabric at the waist and the bottom of the crop top? And it’s shredded? Is it supposed to be two pieces and you shred one? I don’t get it. Plus the two fabrics don’t really go together. Tim says this is “one of the most hideous garments I have ever seen in my entire existence.” Holy shit! The other designers look stunned. Char’s mouth is hanging open. Tim says he knows it’s the model’s style but this is “butt ugly”. Wow. This is the harshest I think I’ve heard Tim.

Alexander has to start completely over and he has no idea what to do. He’s taking opinions from Kini and Sean. I think they feel bad, because I would too. I mean, they’re competing, but I would help him a little bit too. Now he’s doing a simple skirt in the green plaid and it already looks better. Model fitting. Emily’s dress is weird. The top is fun, but the flounce on the bottom is asymmetrical on purpose. Kini’s model likes the denim dress and she also thinks Kini is super fun. I think Char’s model likes the shorts. Sean has fringe again. I think. Amanda’s model is worried it makes her look fat? I think that is what she is saying. I don’t seem to have any idea what is going on. Alexander seems to have saved himself, with his new skirt. After the models leave, suddenly Amanda is bored with her look. Whatever, Amanda. I don’t really care if she’s having trouble because I don’t like her and the judges clearly do.

Runway day. Korina babbles about blue motorcycle jackets and how everyone wants one, and Kini is all “I’ll pass”. Ha. Korina fake laughs and then says “I didn’t ask you” but she can’t hide her bitchiness because she is terrible. The models come in with new hair, because apparently that is not a thing we need to care about? I didn’t care about it before, but if you’re going to pretend that matters then we should see it, right? Alexander has at least made an outfit. It’s not bad. Amanda’s hem looks terrible. Hot makeup guy Scott is not here. Stupid. With two minutes to go, Char’s model breaks the zipper. I mean, either the zipper pull completely fell out of the garment, or the side came unstitched, or something. Essentially Char has two minutes to sew this girl in. And that is not enough time. Char leaves and asks to talk to Tim, and she tries to ask for more time. She has an extra zipper, and Tim would like to give her ten more minutes. So he gives them a ‘gather round and asks if they would be OK with letting Char put the zipper in. He says it’s also because these aren’t their normal models. I can see that, you don’t want to ask random people to be half naked. No one says anything, so Char gets more time. Why not give EVERYONE ten minutes? The other designers go to the Scrap Bin and bitch about how unfair it is, because they were put on the spot and no one wanted to look like an asshole. Plus there are several people who got slammed in previous challenges for not putting zippers in or whatever. Well, be like Victorya and be a jerk on camera then. Come on. Amanda points out that they did all say yes, and then Korina claims she’ll call people out if Char wins, which we all know she won’t. She’ll just be a bitch under her breath. Char comes in and thanks people, and everyone is rude because now they’re mad. Well, too damn late. I agree that it’s another save for Char, and that they should have given everyone extra time, but you did agree. Christ, now I’m agreeing with Amanda.

On the runway, Heidi pretends the judges have been sitting around waiting. We all know that’s not true. Plus he only gave her another ten minutes and you can’t tell me that shit is so on time that ten minutes is an eternity. Tim comes over and apologizes. This is dumb. He refuses to tell them why. This is so fake. Whatever. Just get on with it. Guest judges are actress Michelle Monaghan, and model Asha Leo. Emily: the dress is a red with black checks, so it looks plaid basically. The top is a sleeveless bodice with the ruffs over each shoulder, like really tall fins. The skirt is an A-line skirt with a couple of flounces at the bottom, and the flounces are not even. But that is on purpose. There is a lot of movement but the uneven hem is making me twitchy. Amanda: short dress in a chevron pattern, and a black leather vest. The dress is really short, like, short for a real model. The chevron points meet at her waist but the cut makes her look wide. Like the print is supposed to make her look thinner at the waist but the vest obscures that. When she spins around to walk back down the runway I think she may have flashed the judges, it’s that short. Terrible. Alexander: crop top and full skirt in a dark green plaid. The top is mostly green, but the front is folded back over some black like it’s a separate piece. The green is so dark I can’t see this detail on my TV but maybe that is my crappy TV. Much better than the previous outfit.

Char: shorts and a top with a high crew neck and elbow length sleeves. And a peplum. It’s all the same tomato red color, which makes it look weird. A peplum over a onesie. But I don’t think the shorts are too short. And the model’s happy so there’s that. There’s a small cutout in the back. Kini: dark denim skirt and a black jacket, in black denim I think. Well she never takes off the jacket so maybe it’s all one dress? The skirt is full, and the jacket has a deep V but it looks good. Sean: long black dress, with his dumb long fringe again. You already did that, dude. The top is a sweetheart strapless neckline, but with illusion netting over the top of her chest. Black netting. Korina: short skirt, possibly also with black fringe. It looks strange so I’m not sure the lining is cut right. The top is the cobalt blue moto jacket with black plaid on the chest. Also her model got super short hair so there you go. Drastic change. It’s pretty good, although the skirt is weird and I can’t figure out what is going on.

Sean is safe, so he bails before anyone changes their mind. Amanda tries to explain the terrible skirt on her dress. I mean, not really, but the close-up looks stiff and like it’s a mistake. Nina prefaces what she’s going to say, explaining that they don’t mean anything personally. The execution is poor and Zac says “outlet mall”. Ha! Take that, Amanda. The guest judge is like “more clothes and less fashion” as if this show gives a shit about fashion. Come on now. The center panel of Korina’s jacket is like a blue and black tweed. The top of the dress is also nice. I don’t like Korina but I can’t argue that this outfit is somehow horrid. Char’s model says she can’t wear her outfit to work but she loves the color. Heidi hates it and says it’s not sophisticated so you know it’s tacky. Oh! So the peplum and the long sleeves, that was a jacket. The sleeveless top looks much better. Nina tries to get offended that this is a preschool teacher but SHE IS NOT WEARING THIS TO WORK. Newsflash! Teachers don’t live at school 24/7! Fuck you, Nina, for acting like teachers somehow have to be paragons of virtue all the fucking time. Plus the shorts are longer than Amanda’s ugly mistake of a skirt so shut up. This is not inappropriate.

Emily’s model loves her dress. Plus she knows a lot of artists, so she could wear it to art gallery openings which is perfect. Nina says technically this is the best work she’s done, but it borders on costume. I think that’s fair. Alexander’s look gets slammed, because it looks cheap. He does admit that this is his second look. But his model loves it. The silhouette is summery but then it’s in tweed. Kini’s dress actually has a really deep V, like down to her waist. And it’s lined in lace. Heidi thinks it looks like a real person or something, which is dumb because it’s so low-cut! The jacket is nice though. The judges argue about how she has great legs and maybe the skirt should be shorter. OH BUT THE PRESCHOOL TEACHER CAN’T SHOW OFF HER GREAT LEGS. Sorry to yell but that kind of bullshit really makes me angry. Angrier than this show usually makes me, anyway.

Tim tells the judges he told Alexander he had to start over. They discover some of the seams have double-sided tape instead of stitches. Amanda’s vest is too long, but they crow about her hair and makeup so you know Amanda’s not going anywhere. Sadly. Char’s shorts are crazy, apparently. I guess. We don’t see Tim tell the judges that Char had ten extra minutes. Korina’s skirt is weird because it’s pleated chiffon. They like Emily’s skirt movement. Heidi loves Kini, which is fine because I also like Kini but I don’t know that he’s the best today. Before Tim leaves, Heidi demands that Tim explain why they were late. So he explains how the zipper broke and they didn’t want the poor girl to be naked, so Char had an extra ten minutes. OK, I’m glad he told them that. The judges mention that Korina’s model had the most drastic haircut. You know, those haircuts we didn’t see at all. Zac argues that zippers break, so they don’t appear to be penalizing Char of the extra time. I mean, they don’t like her look, but I think they’re letting the extra time slide.

Korina wins. She squeals and is annoying. Emily and Kini are also in. Amanda is in, because of course. Alexander is out. That figures. He was talking about how he hadn’t won yet and blah blah. Korina can’t be content with her win and has to say shit about how Char doesn’t belong here. We get it. You can stop talking now. Alexander says if Char hadn’t gotten extra time he would still be in and she would be out. Maybe, but your outfit would still be boring. He’s pissed at Char, so let’s hope for a reunion where they can have a fight.

Next week: God. Damn. Teams. And unconventional materials, possibly. And a twist. And Char really upset and Amanda hugging her. Whatever, I’m still mad at Nina.


Beatnik Mary said...

Possibly my favourite recap of yours ever. As a long-time PR fan (though lately it is SORELY testing my loyalty) AND a former preschool teacher, thank-you for calling out Nina's bullshit.

It always annoys me how preschool teachers are portrayed as virginal saints in movies and TV (girl likes boy, boy has a dead sainted wife who was a goddamn preschool can new girl ever compete with such a perfect, angelic memory? Puke.) because WE AREN'T LIKE THAT ALL THE TIME. We're super nice people during the day, speaking appropriately, dressing appropriately, blah blah blah, but again, DURING THE DAY. We basically clean poop and sing kids' songs for a living and do it with a smile...we like to wind the fuck down after work! Fuck off, Nina.

Okay, there. Now I feel better.

韩海瑄 said...

SRSLY. i'm a teacher, too. and you know what? sometimes i like to do something scandalous like BE A REAL PERSON. Gah, Nina. WTF. her husband is a rocker. she's not going to show up at a gig in her work clothes; she wants to, you know, dress appropriately (aka awesomely). good lord.

you always make me laugh. i like that.

Johanna (Paillette) said...

You kinda nailed exactly how I feel about this whole season.

Anonymous said...

Agree with your recap. But doesn't anyone but me - not Tim, not the judges, not anyone - think Korina's outfit was weirdly boxy? It was all so square. From the model's hair to her jacket to the skirt to the booties. Ugh. She annoys and the outfit was possibly the best of the worst, but not remotely wonderful.