TAR14, Recap Leg 11, 5/10/09

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on I Need To Pee and I Hope That We Still Win A Million Dollars, teams jauntily sauntered across the town of Beijing, after having carried cheese, gone hang gliding, run naked, fed camels, and called each other bitches a thousand times or so. This all led to Kisha and Jen being eliminated at the Bird’s Nest, and we have our final three teams: Margie and Luke, Jaime and Cara, and Tammy and Victor. Who will win The Amazing Race 14? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian, arrived at 9:15 AM
2nd – Margie/Luke, Team ASL, arrived at 11:24 AM
3rd – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders, arrived at 2:04 PM

Niao Chao, Beijing, China

9:15 PM Tammy/Victor (1st)
Clue: Fly 5000 miles to your final destination city: Maui, Hawaii, USA! Once there, teams must take a taxi to Beach Access 118 and put on their provided swimsuits. Once there, teams must prepare a pig for a luau by rubbing a special seasoning on the pig, then carry the 145 pound pig 200 yards to the cooking pit, where teams should follow the provided example to prepare the pit for the pig. Once the pit is correct, teams will receive their next clue.

11:24 PM Margie/Luke (2nd)
2:04 AM Jaime/Cara (3rd)

Teams arrive at Beijing International Airport in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Jaime/Cara

All the teams end up on the same flight to Maui. We follow the Amazing Red Line to the final destination city. (Toyouke: “Maui is not a city.”)

Teams arrive in Maui and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Margie/Luke

Teams take their taxis to Beach Access 118 arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – (Toyouke: “There is your Victor-in-a-swimsuit eye candy.”)
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Margie/Luke

Teams then carry the pigs and create the luau setups. However, Margie and Luke seem to be the only ones who can carry the pig on their shoulders. As a result, the teams complete the luau task in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Jaime/Cara – Jaime: “Cara, we’re going to lose a million dollars!” (Toyouke: “Oh Jaime. You never had the million dollars to lose.”)

Teams are then instructed to take their taxis to McGregor Point Beach. Once there, the teams are to take a watercraft into the ocean to a buoy field. Once at the buoy field, teams search for a clue among the 100 buoys. (Toyouke: “Just when I thought we had dodged Swedish Roulette!”) Teams then get their clue and return to the beach.

Teams arrive at McGregor Point in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Jaime/Cara - who had some issues with the pig.

Teams take their watercrafts to the buoy field and arrive in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Jaime/Cara

Teams find their clues and head back to the dock. They arrive there in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara – who found the needle in the ocean faster.
3- Tammy/Victor

Once there, they read the clue that tells them to travel along the Hana Highway and find the Maui Surfboard Fence at Ka’ohu Farms Pe’ah to get their next clue. Teams arrive there in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Jaime/Cara – who are having taxi trouble and get shot down by the head of the taxi service: “I am not your personal concierge.” (Toyouke: “Someone finally told Jaime to shut up! Good for them.”) Then, once they call the POLICE to get directions (Kmanpat: “I hope they didn’t call 911.”), the taxi driver decides that they need gas. (Toyouke: “Oh, the nastiness to all drivers everywhere has caused your bad karma. I am pleased.”) And when the taxi driver says that, you should ALWAYS get gas. So stop arguing, FLO.

And teams arrive at the final roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s ready to build something from memory?”
In this roadblock, one team member must build their own surfboard wall using eleven of the 300 provided surfboards. However, they must construct their wall using eleven items, one from each leg of the race, and put them in order. Once the entire wall is correct, teams will get their next clue.

The order is as follows:
1) Saint Christopher: Church of San Antonio, Locarno, Switzerland
2) Gondola: Ruhpolding, Germany
3) Nadia Comaneche: Sala Gymnastica, Bucharest, Romania
4) Dam: Krasnoyarsk, Russia
5) Lada: Detour, Novosibirsk, Russia
6) Nose Flute Pit Stop Greeter: Jaipur, India
7) Esso the Tiger: Phuket Zoo, Phuket, Thailand
8) Boats: Bangkok Canals, Bangkok, Thailand
9) Cormorants: #24 Bridge, Guilin, China
10) Foot Reflexology: Liangzi Foot Massage, Beijing, China
11) Scorpion Skewers: Dong Hua Men Yi Shi Market, Beijing, China

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Luke – (Toyouke: “I don't think Luke knows his #10 is wrong.”)
2- Victor
3- Jaime – Jaime: “I don’t remember donkeys and kiwis on this race.” (Toyouke: “Does Jaime not understand the task? Does she think every surfboard will have something from the race on it? OH!!!!!!!!! PLEASE tell me the decoy surfboards have tasks from previous seasons!!!!! Donkeys and kiwis!”)

Luke arrives very early, and is able to complete nine of the eleven boards before Victor arrived. He’s been studying. (Toyouke: “See, now that they've been doing that for so long, people are studying. Which is an excellent idea.”) However, he can’t figure out the final two, and both of the other teams show up in the meantime.

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara – who can’t figure out the first surfboard. So Luke tells them. (Toyouke: “Are you allowed to work together? Did Luke just help Jaime finish? WTF?”)
3- Margie/Luke – who are resigned to finishing third. Cara: “Jaime, come on.” Jaime: “NO, I would have not gotten St. Christopher without him. Luke show me your order.” And she helps him get it right.

Teams are then informed that they should travel to King Kamehameha Golf Club and run to the finish line. (Toyouke: “They're not even making it suspenseful? Was there that much of a gap? “) They arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Margie/Luke

Tammy and Victor, after 3 continents, 9 countries and 40000 miles, you are the winners of The Amazing Race 14! YAY! (Toyouke: “God, when Victor was flailing in Bulgaria, who would have thought they could win?”) And Jaime and Cara finish second, with Margie and Luke in Third.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Jaime/Cara
3rd – Margie/Luke
4th – Kisha/Jen
5th – Mark/Michael
6th – Mel/Mike
7th – Christie/Jodi
8th – Amanda/Kris
9th – Brad/Victoria
10th – Steve/Linda
11th – Preston/Jennifer

And that’s it for this season! We’ll see you next time on the Amazing Race!
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TAR14, Recap Leg 10, 5/2/09

Welcome back to Leg 10! Last time, on Mama Still Ain’t Name Her Grace, teams leapt from Guilin to Beijing China, where the Athlete and ASL feud continued. Teams got wonderfully hard massages and then went swimming, where Jen completely broke down. Jaime and Cara finally got into the lead, but arrive at the Drum Tower, and find a fake Pit Stop with Phil and another clue. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Drum Tower, Beijing, China

Teams arrive at the Drum Tower in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara – who are annoyed that they didn’t actually finish first. Jaime: “For Phil to say it wasn’t over was very disheartening.”
2- Margie/Luke – where Margie is finally getting frustrated at her overbearingly whiny son.
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen

Teams are to make their way to Bai Hai Dong Men, a nearby shopping center for their next clue.

Teams arrive at Bai Hai Dong Men in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen

Teams are now instructed to search the shops at Bai Hai Dong Men to find a Travelocity Roaming Gnome, and teams must keep their gnome until the Pit Stop. (Toyouke: “Stupid gnomes.”)

Teams find their gnomes in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara – Cara: “They think we’re crazy searching for gnomes.” (Toyouke: “If people came into my shop and asked me for a gnome I would think they were crazy too.”)
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen

Teams are now told to go to Gu Gong Xi Bei Jiao and find the electric bicycles. Teams are to then ride their bicycles through the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square to Dongdan Subway Station to find their next vlue.

Teams arrive at the bikes in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – (Toyouke: “Victor is riding in a bicycle with a gnome in the basket. Hee.”)
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jaime/Cara – (Toyouke: “You know what, I think that when Jaime was pointing at things in the cab, she was highlighting ‘Gu Gong’ and he decided they were going to the Forbidden City. Maybe he was trying to be rid of them sooner.”)

Teams ride through Beijing in the early morning traffic, where Tammy and Victor almost get run over. But teams all arrive in one piece at Dongdan in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jaime/Cara

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Beijing Opera OR Chinese Waiter
*Beijing Opera: Teams travel to Hu Guang Hui Guan Opera House. Once there, the two team members must get made up as a princess and a gentleman in the Chinese Opera style. Teams then get into full costume, go onstage and bow to the Opera Master to get their next clue.
*Chinese Waiter: Teams travel to Hu Guang Hui Guan Restaurant and choose a table of five guests. Teams then must take their order in Mandarin, and recite the order back to the chef. When the orders are given correctly, the chef will make the dishes which the teams will then deliver and the guests will give them their next clue. (Toyouke: “Seriously? Mandarin? Well...I guess if you could take your order phonetically that would make it easier.”)

1-Tammy/Victor choose Chinese Waiter – because they speak Mandarin. Which makes sense. And then they screw it up. Hee. Victor: “Our parents are going to die because we screwed up yet another task involving Chinese things that we should totally know because we’re Chinese.”
2-Kisha/Jen choose Beijing Opera
3-Margie/Luke choose Beijing Opera – Margie: “You’re making me look like Alice Cooper!” Luke: “Well, I know what I’m doing with make up, so stop looking at yourself in the mirror!” Or something like that.
4-Jaime/Cara choose Beijing Opera – but get taken to the National Opera by mistake. (Toyouke: “Hey, your taxi driver got "opera" out of your stupid singing. That's pretty damn good.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jaime/Cara

CAUTION: U-TURN AHEAD

This is the second of two U-Turns of the race. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is NOT blind. (Toyouke: “It wouldn't matter if it was a blind U-Turn, because at this point I'm sure you'd be able to figure it out.”)

Teams leave the detour and get the clue to go to Wen Chang Ge, which is in the Opera House / Restaurant complex. After wandering around, teams arrive at the U-Turn and then get their next clue in the following order:

1-Tammy/Victor choose to U-Turn Kisha/Jen – because, as Victor reasons, even though Margie/Luke are the strongest team, Kisha/Jen are the fastest. And also that Kisha/Jen would U-Turn them. (Toyouke: “OOHHHH!!!! THEY WOULD HAVE U-TURNED LUKE AND MARGIE! But that's cool anyway.”)
2-Margie/Luke cannot U-Turn
3-Kisha/Jen have been U-Turned – so they go back and do Chinese Waiter. Jen: “We Black, not Chinese.” (Toyouke: “Good Western Heads Lack Fish" HA”)
4-Jaime/Cara cannot U-Turn – because they wandered for THREE HOURS looking for it. Cara: “Maybe we should go back to the Opera and retrace our steps.” (Toyouke: “Go back to where you started and retrace your steps? You mean, like EVERYONE ELSE DID 3 hours ago?”) Jaime: “This is why I didn’t want to go to China, because it sucks.” (Auburnium513: “Whiney whiney bicker bicker bicker shut UP”)

Once teams finally get to the U-Turn, teams find their next clue which directs them to Dong Hua Men Yi Shi Street Market.

Teams arrive at the Street Market in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jaime/Cara

And teams arrive at the ninth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s got a taste for adventure?”
In this roadblock, one team member must eat Chinese street food, which includes grasshopper, larvae, scorpions, and starfish, all fried. Once roadblockers finish their plate, teams get their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Victor
2- Margie – Margie: “This stinks.” Luke: “Smells good.”
3- Jen
4- Cara

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kisha/Jen – Jen: “I’ve got to pee; I just drank four bottles of water.” (Toyouke: "Jen's comments about having to pee are fun.")
4- Jaime/Cara

Teams are then instructed to race by taxi to Niao Chao, or the Bird’s Nest, the stadium built for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. THIS will be the tenth PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here will probably be eliminated!

Teams arrive at the Bird’s Nest in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – who win a trip for two to the Galapagos Islands.
2- Margie/Luke
3- Jaime/Cara – Phil: “I’m sorry to tell you that you’re going to have to keep racing.” Cara: “Didn’t I tell you that there’s always hope?” Yeah, Flo, listen to your partner. Pthbbt.
4- Kisha/Jen

And Kisha and Jen are eliminated, why? (Toyouke: HOLY CRAP JEN AND KISHA LOST BECAUSE JEN HAD TO PEE!!!!!!) Yes, folks, this is why we don’t stop in the middle of a race. Jen: “I feel guilty as hell. I had to use the bathroom.” Oh well.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Margie/Luke
3rd – Jaime/Cara


Next week: FINALE! Teams race to Hawaii, and carry pigs. Jaime talks to Americans like they are Chinese, and there’s surfboard arranging. Until next time!
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TAR14, Recap Leg 10, 4/26/09

Welcome to Leg 10! Last time, on Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Running Into Clue Boxes Will Bruise My Ego, Bitch!, teams gallivanted from Bangkok to Guilin China where it was Luke Versus Jen in the battle of the clue boxes! (Toyouke: “BLAH I so don't care about last week's BS.“) At the Pit Stop, three teams raced for the mat for first place, and Margie chewed out Kisha in the most memorable Pit Stop EVER!!! (And yet, I disagree). Mark and Michael finally finished last and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
2nd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
3rd – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
4th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders

Sun and Moon Pagodas, Banyan Lake, Guilin, China

1:48 PM Kisha/Jen (1st)
Clue: Fly 1000 miles to Beijing China! Once there, teams must taxi to Liangzi Jian Gao Men Foot Massage Spa. Teams have $40 for this leg of the race.

Kisha says that she’s all over the previous leg. I highly doubt that. (Toyouke: “’There's no reason to harp on what happened in the past, we're over it,’ means ‘We will bring it up at every conceivable opportunity.’)

1:49 PM Tammy/Victor (2nd) – Tammy: “Hey, We went there for the Olympics!” Victor: “And we speak fluent Chinese! Because we’re Chinese!” Oh dear. AGAIN.
1:50 PM Margie/Luke (3rd) –(Toyouke: “Ditto to what Luke said.”)
2:12 PM Jaime/Cara (4th) – Jaime: “We’ve never been first.” (Toyouke: “Jaime and Cara are either going to win this leg or come in last, with that foreshadowing.”)

Teams arrive at Guilin Lianjing International Airport in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke – who are the first to get approved for the flight at the airport, but the credit card won’t go through, so they switch lines, but not before . . .
2- Kisha/Jen – (Toyouke: “I must give props to Kisha and Jen for eavesdropping and cutting in line.”) Kisha: “The dumb look is patented in China.” (Toyouke: “So now Kisha is the Ugly American?”)
3- Tammy/Victor – who got their tickets from a travel agent before getting to the airport.
4- Jaime/Cara

Teams grab the 5:10 PM flight on China Southern to Beijing. While waiting, the teams discuss the previous leg, and Jaime is just shocked, SHOCKED I tell you at Jen and Kisha’s behavior.

Teams arrive in Beijing and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke – who once again, run into Kisha and Jen on the way to the taxis.
3- Kisha/Jen – who once again, are not happy about it. (Toyouke: “OH SEE HOW OVER IT I AM!”)
4- Jaime/Cara

Teams take their taxis through Beijing to Liangzi Jian Gao Men and arrive in the following order:
1- Jaime/Cara
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke

And teams arrive at the eighth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s feeling manipulative?”
In this roadblock, one team member must get a Chinese curative foot massage. The team member must drink a medicinal herb tea and then endure a ten minute foot massage. Once complete, team members drink another cup of tea to get their next clue.

(Auburnium513: “Is this the new version of the eating challenge?”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Cara
2- Kisha
3- Tammy
4- Luke

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke

Teams are then informed that they should travel to the Guangcai Natatorium. They arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Margie/Luke

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Sync OR Swim
*Sync: Teams don swimsuits and complete a synchronized dive with a score of 10 in order to get their next clue.
*Swim: Teams don Speedo speedsuits and swim a 400 meter relay where each team member alternates swimming 100 meters each. Teams complete the full 400 meter swim to get their next clue. Oh, and they will be compared to Michael Phelps the whole time. (Toyouke: “Random Phelps!”)

1-Tammy/Victor choose Sync – Victor: “I’m in skimpy land!” (Kmanpat: “Yes, yes you are Victor. Please stay there.”) But later, after many attempts, they bald snark to Swim.
2-Kisha/Jen choose Sync – and Jen freaks out, so they bald snark to Swim. Kisha swims the first 100 meters and Jen freaks out and they double bald snark back to Sync. After two dives, Jen can’t take it anymore, so Kisha talks her into the rare triple bald snark and they go back to finish Swim.
3-Jaime/Cara choose Swim
4-Margie/Luke choose Swim

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen

Teams are then instructed to take a taxi to the North Gate of the Drum Tower to find Phil.
Teams find Phil in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara

Jaime and Cara, you are the first team to arrive. However, you are STILL RACING. Here is your next clue.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jaime/Cara
2nd – Margie/Luke
3rd – Tammy/Victor
4th – Kisha/Jen

Next week: As we continue from the mat, teams “check in” and get a shock. Plus, the prerequisite eating challenge in China, and Jaime and Cara’s big breakdown. Oh, and we narrow ourselves down to the final three. Until next time!
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set your dvr

"Project Runway" will probably start in late July/early August. Apparently Lifetime is waiting for Bravo's rip off "The Fashion Show", or whatever, to finish up before they start PR. Assuming it begins after "Make Me a Supermodel" ends (Colin FTW!) then that's about the right timeline.

Also! At least some of the leftover unaired episodes of "Pushing Daisies" are supposedly going to air starting on May 30th. They've already aired two in the UK; if you want to watch them, you can find them on YouTube, probably. Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 9, 4/19/09

Welcome to Leg 9! Last time, on Let’s Party With Transvestites in Thailand!, teams bounded from Phuket to Bangkok where teams sand karaoke and left their backpacks at tasks from which they were not planning to return. The Stuntmen broke more rules, resulting in more penalties, landing them in last place. And yet, they survive for yet another episode due to a non-elimination leg. This episode, Phil promises us the “most memorable Pit Stop ever”. (Toyouke: “It'd have to be an amazing Pit Stop to knock Danny and Oswald's chasing Phil while covered in coal dust from the title of "Most Memorable Pit Stop Ever". Or Jonathan and Victoria.”) Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
2nd – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
3rd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
4th – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
5th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen

Phya Thai Palace, Bangkok, Thailand

9:36 AM Margie/Luke (1st)
Clue: Fly 1000 miles to Guilin China! Once there, teams must taxi to Qing Xiu Lu and find the hair salon. Teams must connect through Guangzhou China.

Margie tries to call ahead on a cell phone, but can’t seem to get anyone to help her.

10:30 AM Jaime/Cara (2nd) – Cara: “We probably shouldn’t yell so much at our taxi drivers.” You think?
10:40 AM Tammy/Victor (3rd) – Tammy: “Hey, I went there for spring break!” Victor: “And we speak fluent Chinese! Because we’re Chinese!” Oh dear.
12:43 PM Kisha/Jen (4th) – Jen: “We’re competitive. We will knock anyone over in our way!” Foreshadow much? (Toyouke: “Jen just said she was going to knock someone over, remember that.”)
4:08 PM Mark/Michael (5th)

Teams arrive at Bangkok International Airport in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Mark/Michael

Teams grab flights. For the first time this season, teams seem to end up on different flights.

Flight 1: 11:30 AM to Guangzhou, 8:30 PM to Gualin
1) Margie/Luke

Flight 2: 1:15 PM on Kenya Air to Guangzhou, 8:30 PM to Gualin
1) Jaime/Cara
2) Tammy/Victor

Kenya Air? In China? Oooooooookay.

Flight 3: 3:20 PM on Thai Air to Guangzhou, 9:20 PM to Gualin
1) Jen/Kisha

Flight 4: 6:10 PM on China Southern to Guangzhou, on to Gualin
1) Mark/Michael

Once in Guangzhou, the teams on the China Southern 8:30 flight find that they are delayed. And yet, they didn’t try to get on another flight. Bummer.

Teams arrive in Gualin and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mark/Michael

Teams take their taxis through Gualin to Qing Xiu Lu (Toyouke: “Wait, why is it daytime? Was the drive that long? “) and arrive in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara – whose taxi driver gets her hair done at this particular salon. Who knew?
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Mark/Michael

OK, the first push-and-shove. The Athletes and ASL both miss the cluebox at the hair salon and finds the Speed Bump instead. So, when they both realize where the box is, they both make a run for it. Luke arrives first and throws an elbow to get Jen out of the way. It hits her arm. I’d probably do the same thing. (Toyouke: “I don't know, it looked like Jen ran into Luke and possibly grabbed him, then tried to reach over him, so he threw an elbow, and she called him a bitch. Verdict: everyone shut up.” Auburnium513: “It's a race. Deal with it.”)

However, once they arrive, Mark and Michael find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this, the second of three speed bumps on this race, teams must wash and dry the hair of two customers at the hair salon. Once they are done, they may get their next clue.

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael

So, Mark and Michael wash hair, get their clue, and try to catch up with everyone. (Toyouke: “HA, this is a great Speed Bump.”)

Now, if a team didn’t have to do the Speed Bump, teams then get their next clue to travel to the #24 Bridge on the Li River to get their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke
5- Mark/Michael

And the second push-and-shove. In this one, Jen actually makes it to the box first, and it looks like Luke can’t actually stop soon enough so he runs into Jen and knocks the box all over the place. (Toyouke: “OK, Luke started it that time. Once he ran into her I think he should have backed off instead of trying to push his way to the clue box again. Not that she wouldn't have still called him names.”)

And teams arrive at the seventh roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s ready for some fowl play?”
In this roadblock, one team member must choose a fishing raft and travel to the middle of the river where they use Cormorants (a local bird) to go fishing. The cormorants must catch ten fish for the team member, who then take the fish back to the dock to get their next clue.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Tammy – Victor: “When I think of birds and smelly fish, I think of you.”
2- Jaime
3- Jen
4- Luke
5- Michael

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Margie/Luke
5- Mark/Michael

Teams are then informed that they should travel to the Ancient South Gate, a 1000 year old structure. They arrive in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Margie/Luke
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Mark/Michael

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Choreography OR Calligraphy
*Choreography: Teams travel to Central Island and join residents in their morning dance routine. Once they learn the steps and perform them correctly for the judges, the judges will give them their next clue.
*Calligraphy: Teams travel across the twin bridges to find the first of four calligraphy stations where they must copy Chinese characters onto a parchment. Once correct, teams will get a stamp and be sent to the next station. Once they’ve visited all four stations, the final teacher will give them their next clue.

1-Jaime/Cara choose Choreography – and the cheerleaders can’t seem to dance. (Toyouke: “"Is it a problem with the steps or do we have to keep going?" *nods* Hee.”)
2-Kisha/Jen choose Calligraphy – who decide that they can’t read Chinese.
3-Margie/Luke choose Calligraphy – who also decide they can’t read Chinese.
4-Tammy/Victor choose Calligraphy – who can read and speak Chinese and end up getting followed by all the teams who can’t read Chinese. (Toyouke: “I wonder if Victor and Tammy would know Chinese, if they could ask the person the words and just write them, without waiting. Or would that be cheating?”)
5-Mark/Michael choose Choreography

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mark/Michael

Teams are then instructed to race on foot to the view of the Moon and Sun Pagodas on Banyan Lake. This will be the ninth PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated! (Or probably will be.)

Teams check in at the PIT STOP (Toyouke: “Who are these locals? Why do they get to have lunch?“) in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen – who win a trip for two to Barbados.
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mark/Michael

Oh, and NOT the most memorable Pit Stop ever. Actually, for me, very yawn worthy. My most memorable is TAR3, Leg 4, Torre de Bélem, Portugal, when Heather and Eve take a taxi to the pit stop instead of walking and incur a 30 minute penalty that moves them from first to last. Awesome. Major fight about being deaf and black and everything else? Not awesome.

However, the Stuntmen have run out of steam and are eliminated. Great.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Kisha/Jen
2nd – Tammy/Victor
3rd – Margie/Luke
4th – Jaime/Cara

Next week: Still in China, teams get a Chinese foot massage. And Jen is afraid of water. (Auburnium513: “Fear of water? WTF?” Toyouke: “Yeah, there have been lots of boats and fishing and whatnot. Where did that come from?”) Until next time! Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 8, 4/12/09

Welcome to Leg 8! Last time, on If You Can’t Open The Right Medicine Box, Just Phuket, teams raced from Jaipur, India, to Phuket, Thailand where teams had elephants walk all over them. Jaime loses her cool at the Herb Shop, and the Stuntmen racked up two penalties bouncing them from first to third. After Margie passed out at the pit stop, Mel and Mike finished last and were eliminated. Sad times. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian, arrived at 9:27 AM
2nd – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders, arrived at 12:31 PM
3rd – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen, arrived at 12:46 PM
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL, arrived at 12:53 PM
5th – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes, arrived at 1:05 PM

Wat Thep Nimit, Phuket, Thailand

9:27 PM Tammy/Victor (1st)
Clue: Fly 400 miles to Bangkok, Thailand! Teams should then take a taxi to a boat yard on the outskirts of town to find their next clue.

Now, I KNOW at the end of the last episode that Mark and Michael only had an hour penalty and Tammy and Victor finished within that hour, so this time makes absolutely no sense. I am smarter than you think, CBS.

12:31 AM Jaime/Cara (2nd) – (Toyouke: “Why would you go on the Amazing Race when you are frustrated by the language barrier?”)
12:46 AM Mark/Michael (3rd) – Mark: “We should do fine as long as we don't shoot ourselves in the foot." (Toyouke: “Heh.”)
12:53 AM Margie/Luke (4th)
1:05 AM Kisha/Jen (5th)

Teams arrive at Phuket International Airport in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Mark/Michael
4- Margie/Luke
5- Kisha/Jen

Teams all end up on the same flight from Phuket to Bangkok.

Teams exit the airplane and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Jaime/Cara – and Jaime calls dogs “doogies”. I don’t know why.
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Mark/Michael

Teams take their taxis through traffic to the boat yard in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mark/Michael
5- Kisha/Jen

And teams arrive at the seventh roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
“Who’s ready to propel their team forward?”
In this roadblock, one team member must join a rod and propeller to a long boat in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Interesting Roadblock. It's about time there was a non-physical one.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Margie
2- Jaime
3- Victor
4- Mark
5- Kisha

Teams finish the roadblock in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Mark/Michael
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Tammy/Victor

Teams are then told to navigate their boats using the provided map through the Bangkok Canals in order to get to Peninsula Pier. Teams navigate and arrive at the pier in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jaime/Cara – who have their bags at this point, because Cara made sure that Jaime went and picked them up. Note that ALL the other teams were around when they did this.
3- Mark/Michael – who leave their bags in their taxi at the pier.
4- Kisha/Jen – who leave their bags, Amazing Fanny Pack AND Kisha’s shoes at the pier.
5- Tammy/Victor

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Broken Teeth OR Broken Records
*Broken Teeth: Teams travel to what is known as the “Street of Happy Smiles.” Once there, teams must find five pairs of matching dentures in buckets of 50. Once the five people have their correct dentures, the dentist will give teams their next clue.
*Broken Records: Teams travel to Chinatown and find the parking lot with the Party Taxis. Teams then will be driven a 5 mile course with three locals while singing a Thai pop song.

1-Margie/Luke choose Broken Teeth – Margie: “We choose Broken Teeth because I can’t sing, and Luke REALLY can’t sing.”
2-Kisha/Jen choose Broken Records – Jen: “First, are those transvestites? *ding* and second, WHY are they in the car?”
3-Jaime/Cara choose Broken Records
4-Tammy/Victor choose Broken Records – Tammy: “It’s the Mai Tai Trannies!”
5-Mark/Michael choose Broken Records – Michael: “We know how to please the girls.” Um, those aren’t girls. Oh, and they decided to go and get their taxi from the boat yard first so that they could have their stuff. And they gave the taxi driver personal possessions as payment. Um, NOT good.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke – Margie completes the detour herself. (Toyouke: “Margie kicks ass.”)
2- Kisha/Jen – who somehow get a taxi for no money, which is pretty impressive. Way to finagle the taxi driver!
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Mark/Michael – Mark: “I give you gifts.” Again?


Teams are then instructed to race to Phya Thai Palace. This will be the eighth PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated!

Teams check in at the PIT STOP in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke – who win a trip for two to Puerto Rico. Margie: “I’m NOT going to faint today!”
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor – who actually arrived fourth, but a certain team had to go get their travel documents, since they left them in their Amazing Fanny Packs. Right Kisha and Jen?
4- Kisha/Jen – who get their travel documents and arrive fifth, but are not eliminated because someone screwed up even worse.
5- Mark/Michael – who have a FOUR hour penalty for giving up personal possessions twice to settle a debt.

However, the Stuntmen find out that this is the second non-elimination leg and will have to complete a speed bump in the next leg of the race as well as the remining three hours of their four hour penalty. Why couldn’t the non-elim have been LAST week?

ORDER NOW:
1st – Margie/Luke
2nd – Jaime/Cara
3rd – Tammy/Victor
4th – Kisha/Jen
5th – Mark/Michael

Next week: In China, it’s the clash of the titans! Jen vs. Luke! Luke vs. Jen! And the claws really come out this time. Until next time! Clicky clicky

TAR14, Recap Leg 7, 3/29/09

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Shake Shake Shake Your Hips For Tips teams raced from Novosibirsk, Russia, to Jaipur, India where teams helped out the camels by stuffing hay wherever that they could find a spot. The Flight Attendants had a very cool speed bump, but were slow to complete it and finished in last place. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian
2nd – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow
3rd – Kisha/Jen, The Athletes
4th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
5th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerleaders
6th – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen

Jaigahr Fort, Jaipur, India

10:21 AM Tammy/Victor (1st)
Clue: Fly 2000 miles to Phuket, Thailand! Once there, travel by taxi to find the statue in this picture. (The picture is of a giant gorilla, located at the Phuket Zoo.) You must book your tickets either at the airport or at the Riya Holidays travel office. You have $130 for this leg of the race.

(Toyouke: “I am waiting for a mispronunciation of ‘Phuket’.”)

Tammy has been to Phuket before! “But, my parents wouldn’t let me go to the beach!”

10:50 AM Mel/Mike (2nd) – Mel: “Phuket, my favorite city!” Mike: “Do you speak any Thai?” Mel: “Mai Tai.” *crickets* Mel: “That was a pun.” Mike: “I know, dad.”

11:02 AM Kisha/Jen (3rd) – and Kisha gives money to the kids. You may need that later, darling.

11:03 AM Margie/Luke (4th) – Margie: “My arms are tired from signing all the time. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” That’s foreboding.

11:04 AM Jaime/Cara (5th) – Cara: “Jaime is not a patient person, she just doesn’t have strength for noise, or different languages.” Or, really, anything that foreign travel has to offer? (Auburnium513: “That's wonderful, that's exactly why you should go on an INTERNATIONAL race!!”)

11:11 AM Mark/Michael (6th) – Mark: “We know Phuket, it’s known for its diving.”

Teams arrive at Riya Holidays in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mel/Mike
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mark/Michael
5- Kisha/Jen

Teams arrive at Jaipur International Airport in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara

Teams all end up on the same flight from Jaipur to New Dehli to Bangkok to Phuket, and then the Amazing Red Line takes us from Jaipur to Bangkok to Phuket, forgetting to stop in New Dehli.

Teams exit the airplane and grab taxis in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Jaime/Cara – who find out their driver is named Sek. Cara: “Jaime talks to them like little kids. If I were them I’d be calling her a witch with a b.” FINALLY, after 14 seasons someone realizes that this is NOT the way to talk to locals.
3- Margie/Luke
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Tammy/Victor – who find out their cab driver’s name is Bandit. Victor: “That means teacher in Thai.” Tammy: “Or AWESOME!”
6- Mel/Mike – whose cab driver take them to Patong Beach instead of the Zoo. Oh dear.

After much running around in traffic and asking about the monkey statue (Toyouke: “Gorillas are not monkeys. Gorillas are apes. They don't have tails.”), teams arrive at the Phuket Zoo in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams then find the gorilla hiding in the brush in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Mark/Michael
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams are then told to take a walk on the wild side, or rather, have the wild side walk on them. First, teams should have their picture taken with Esso the tiger. (Auburnium513: “Yes, running around yelling "tiger, tiger" in a non-English speaking country is going to help you SO much.” Toyouke: “I still love that the tiger keeper only has one arm.”) Teams then run to the elephant pen to take part in a traditional Thai performance. Teams then race back to the tiger pen to get their picture which is attached to the next clue. Teams complete the tasks in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael – Mark notices that the tiger handler only has one arm.
2- Jaime/Cara – who call the Stuntmen the Tweedles. Hee.
3- Kisha/Jen - Kisha: “I’m surprised that the tiger didn’t eat the Stuntmen, they’re bite-size! And I just took a picture with a tiger and didn’t pee myself.”
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams are now instructed to travel to Old Phuket Town and find Nguan Choon Tong Herbs Shop, the oldest herb shop in Phuket. (Toyouke: “I wonder if the herb shop has always had that nice English sign proclaiming it the oldest.”) Teams then take turns having the shopkeeper open the 99 spice drawers to find one of six clues. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Mark/Michael
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Margie/Luke
4- Tammy/Victor
5- Jaime/Cara – (Toyouke: “Boy are those girls cranky.”)
6- Mel/Mike

And teams get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
100 Barrels OR 2 Miles
*100 Barrels: Teams travel to Pae Yod Harbor, where they help prepare a ship for 10 days at sea. They must load 53 empty barrels on top of the ship for the fish, and 47 barrels full of drinking water on the deck. Once done, the ship’s captain will give them their next clue.
*2 Miles: Teams travel to a nearby temple and choose a rickshaw. Teams can use the provided bicycle pumps to reinflate tires as necessary. Then, one member should transport the other to King Rama IX Park to get their next clue. Teams may not follow anyone to the checkpoint.

1-Mark/Michael choose 2 Miles
2-Jaime/Cara choose 100 Barrels – and then Bald Snark to 2 Miles when they can’t find Pae Yod.
3-Margie/Luke choose 100 Barrels – and then Bald Snark to 2 Miles when they can’t find Pae Yod.
4-Tammy/Victor choose 2 Miles
5-Margie/Luke choose 100 Barrels
6-Mel/Mike choose 100 Barrels

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael – who first put all of the bike pumps into the box to confuse people. In my opinion, good strategic move. (Toyouke: “That was kind of underhanded with the pumps. I guess it's legal, but coming from racist bastards I am offended. Plus you can't talk about how you are so superior to other teams and then feel the need to mess with them like that.”) Then, they pay their taxi driver to lead them to King Rama IX Park. Ooh, not so good.
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Tammy/Victor – who drop off their rickshaw too early.
4- Margie/Luke – and Margie has chills from running in the heat. Um, that’s not good.
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mel/Mike


Teams are then instructed to walk, run, or hire a taxi to Wat Thep Nimit, a temple in Phuket. This will be the seventh PIT STOP for this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in here MAY be eliminated!

Teams check in at the PIT STOP in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor – who win a trip for two to Oahu.
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Mark/Michael – who actually arrived first, but were assessed two thirty minute penalties (Toyouke: “Oh! TWO penalties! Ha on you!”), the first for messing with the pumps, the second for using a guide to the park. The problem is, they run so fast ANYWAY, that the next team only showed up with 5 minutes of penalty time left.
4- Margie/Luke – where on check in, Margie faints into Luke’s and Phil’s arms.
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Mel/Mike – (Toyouke: “This ending ruins the penalty satisfaction. It makes me cry.”)

Mel and Mike are eliminated, and the entire world was saddened by their loss.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Jaime/Cara
3rd – Mark/Michael
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Kisha/Jen

Next week: Teams travel to Bangkok and end up in Karaoke Cabs! (Toyouke: “The only thing that would make that better is if they were doing karaoke with drag queens.”) Oh, and Mark and Michael lose their backpacks. Why are people on this race so idiotic all of a sudden? (Auburnium513: “Now we know why they stopped having Phil mug people...the racers are doing it to themselves!”) Until next time! Clicky clicky