Previously on “Joe Schmo”: We finally got down to the final two people. Ben, who doesn't know this show is faker than usual, and Maya, his supposed “ride or die” BFF. Maya managed to win the challenge, even though she forgot one of the answers she was given, and then she had to make a choice. Get rid of Jessica, who is a third wheel and also straight up didn't do like, half the challenges? Or get rid of Ben, who is far more deserving but also might beat her in the final jury vote? The jury told Maya that if it was her vs. Jessica, she would win with all of the votes. Ben even told her no hard feelings, so of course she got rid of Jessica. (click for more)
A long recap montage of all the times Ben got suspicious, bought all their dumb excuses that seem very fake from over here, and some of the fake storylines. We get to the actual show, where Ben and Maya are sitting together on the couch. Maya is saying everything has led to this moment, and Ben is saying she is the most beautiful soul on the show. Maya is tearing up, and says “You're my friend” which I think is both true in real life and maybe also they'd like to keep Ben from falling for an actress who was told to be his closest ally? Louis ruins it by calling for lunch and saying they're taking them in separately. Maya interviews that the show is fake but the connections are real. She doesn't want it to end but she also wants to tell Ben the truth.
In the morning it's time for one last hangout with Elijah. Cat voiceovers that there will be two parts to today. A Reckoning, where Ben will be faced with “a life-changing decision”, and the end of “The Goat”. Then The Reveal, where they tell Ben how it's all fake. I hope they do it in the classic way, where a producer or Cat accuses someone of being an actor, then they admit they are an actor but so is everyone else, and then they all point fingers and then Ben freaks out. Somehow they are still adjusting the writing. Cat claims they can't leave anything to chance, except for the part where they say that all the time and it doesn't need to be that way. Meanwhile Ben is asking Elijah for strength and to help him win. He's going to miss Elijah, and he's had fun. “A time for the books”. He hopes he took advantage of all his opportunities, and it's been life-changing. The coolest thing that could happen to anyone. Normal life is boring. Winning would be great but this is more than a TV show. Aww.
The actors are nervous as can be expected. Ryan hopes he's so thrilled he wins that he forgets they've been fucking with him this whole time. Maya says they're all preparing for the worst. I mean they've lied to him for 10 days. I don't think he's going to like, beat anyone up, but he could take it poorly.
Time for the final Reckoning. Cat claims 200 people are holding their breath. There can't be that many people on crew, can there? Anyway, Ben and Maya are here, with the jury. Some of the jury looks nervous, which doesn't make sense if this is real. Whatever. Cat lists the qualities of “The Goat” which are nebulous. Voting will be done by “festooning” “Emil's Baubles”. That means that between Ben and Maya is the goat head stand that they were supposed to be whispering their votes to. Everyone has a round token with the logo on it, and a ring to go over the horn.
Agnes votes for Ben, saying he was her first friend. Charles Michael likes them both, and Ben has integrity, and Maya has sacrificed “over and over” for him so he's gonna do what Ben would do and vote for Maya. Ben nods vigorously. Ryan says “splonk dude” and then reads a dumbass “poem” where basically he worked Maya and Ben's names into a bunch of sentences. Then he pulls out two condoms and says he and Ben are going to paradise and votes for Ben.
Cat calls Chastity and Trevor at the same time. But why though. Also we have not addressed how the jury is eight people, which is an even number and allows for ties. Chastity says one person in the house has had it out for her since day one, but also knew what she was capable of. And it's attractive. The background music winds down. Heh. Chastity says she's voting for Ben, and then Trevor says like his sister said, they are back together as a couple.........of siblings who do everything together. So he also votes for Ben. Braxton loves both of them, but Maya had the total package so he's voting for her. He's the second person to mention Maya sacrificing, but I don't remember her doing that? Are they talking about the time she gave him a token? Or just that they all told her she would win if she got rid of Ben but she didn't? Danielle has been having dreams apparently, and they told her Maya is the Goat.
Naturally, so that Jessica's vote either gives Ben the win, or makes a tie. We have not discussed what goes down if Maya gets this last vote. Jessica didn't compete in most of the challenges, but Maya won a bunch of them, and she found a token, so she's voting for Maya. So now we have a tie. Cat starts talking to Louis, and then Louis is asking for production to come talk to them. This is ridiculous. You want Ben to think you're so incompetent that you didn't plan for a tie? Cat comes back and says according to the official rules, if there is a tie, the decision comes down to one person: the Goatkeeper. Oo, that's good. You might have done a thing right, producers. Ben shakes his head and says “That's so fucked up.” True, which is why it's actually a good twist for once.
So they take the goat head away and bring out the last two urns. Cat claims this part was always in the script. Ben has to decide to give himself the money, or give it away to Maya. I'm sure this was always in the script, in the hopes that he'd let Maya win and everyone can cry about how amazing and wonderful he is. Cat says she doesn't envy him. Everyone looks kind of nervous, and Ben seems the least nervous, even though he believes this is the most important thing he's done in his life. Ben says to Maya that she did this to herself. She didn't have to save him, but she did, and now he can crown the Goat, which only he, “Keeper of Goat”, can do. As we can expect from how Ben is he smashes his own urn with a big grin. Maya deserves the money and it felt great in that moment. As they all stand there, Cat says wait wait wait, and points out the final token, which was apparently in the bottom of Ben's urn. She tells him to read it aloud. “Congratulations Ben Frisone. You have found the Eyes of Elijah token. When played at the Reckoning, this token earns you the right to have your mind completely blown.” Oh THAT'S how you're going to do it? That sucks. Charles Michael should have gone off in the middle of the ceremony about how this isn't real life and everyone is an actor hired by the government. Or SOMETHING. “Have your mind completely blown” who wrote that. Garbage. Who wrote Trevor and Chastity's songs, have them write something.
When Ben looks up from the token, they've darkened the rest of the room and put a spotlight on him. He immediately curses because he is assuming some kind of shenanigans. Someone comes over the speakers and says the game is complete, and like, one person claps. Mr. Danish walks in, slow clapping, and says “Hi Ben” in English. Ben is still in the “holy shit” stage of reacting to things. Mr. Danish continues in perfect English. Maya may be the last player standing, but remember what he said to Ben? The key to winning “The Goat” was self-sacrifice. Sacrificing yourself for someone you met ten days ago is something he's not sure anyone would have done. “She's not just anyone though”. Aww. Anyway, my name is not Mr. Danish. It's Bruce. There is a lot more you need to know. Then he turns it over to Cat. I thought maybe they could save it by Mr. Danish telling Ben he's the actual winner, and then maybe if Mr. Danish says it was an elaborate plot with actors Ben won't believe it and you can have that moment where everyone admits to being an actor and Ben freaks out.
But Cat just tells him they've been waiting for this moment this whole time. Since Day One they have been keeping an enormous secret. What is that secret? Well, “The Goat” is not quite the international sensation everyone said. It's not in 27 countries. In fact it's in no countries. Ben says you're shitting him, and Cat continues that it's because The Goat is not a real show. It's all completely fake, and this whole time you've been the star of your own TV show. It's called “The Joe Schmo Show”. Ben laughs and says “Yeah, OK” because this reveal is terrible. Cat talks about how they've been arranging this whole show, he's been too smart and they had to rewrite scripts every day. She also talks about how incredible it was to see him give the money to Maya, and for like ten seconds it sounds as if she's going to say they only told him all of this because he did that. That if he had given himself the money they'd just give it to him and never explain anything. Ben asks if they didn't know he'd smash his own urn, and Cat admits they didn't. Honestly out of all the “unpredictable” things the producers were surprised by, this is the least unpredictable. And all the other things were predictable! You just assumed after 20 years of reality TV that people still acted the same! Of course he was going to give Maya the money. You cast him because you thought that's what he'd do.
So when Cat says they didn't know if Ben would give her the money, Ben replies, “I still hold firm, unless she's an actor, um...(smash cut to everyone looking terrified) she is an amazing young lady, and I don't think she could fake that.” It was a no brainer. Oh there's more. Take a deep breath, because every single person playing this game...(Ben's smile is starting to falter) is really...” Cat gestures at Ben so he can finish the sentence by saying “An actor”. “What in the fuck!?” Appropriate. Ben says he feels a little bit deceived. Cat claims everyone feels they have a connection with him and those are real. Jessica is convinced once they all give him their real names and stuff, he'll quickly realize he does know them.
They bring up the lights and everyone comes up to give him their real names, and like, Agnes gives him a hug. Ryan is all, OK I'm gonna be honest, I am also just finding out this is a prank show. OK that was good. Ryan interviews that he can't wait to hang out with Ben in real life. Jessica hated saying all the shitty things she said and she will definitely follow him back on Instagram. She really appreciates that Ben did try to bond with Jessica even though she was kind of terrible. Danielle says all of their conversations were real. They might have been, I think they said she was actually a crunchy granola person. Braxton says you are my boy for real. I didn't know our bond would be this tight. Charles Michael said it was very easy to ally with him. He wants to hang out too. Chastity and Trevor are serious and act like they're super weird and then talk about how hard it was to be villains. “Also Trevor's not my brother”. Heh.
Ben interviews that everyone is like, I feel bad for lying to you, and at first he thought yeah you fucking did. But then he thought “I need to pay these people the respect, and be like, good on you, like, this is what you guys came together for, and I'm so proud that you guys fucking knocked it out of the park.” Maya is the most upset, obviously. She said it was like fate, and it's been an honor to watch him “do this the right way”. She's honored to be a part of this with him and she can't wait to tell him everything. She hopes they will be real friends after this. Cat asks how he's feeling, and he asks “Are you actually...Cat?” Deserved. She is, and here are some other people who are actors, Barbara (I mean he thought she was an actor), the weird social media producer (“Hi, I'm obsessed, I acted like myself), the one producer Tracy who worked with him a lot. Also Louis, who sprays himself with like, hair spray? I don't know. In confessional, Ben says he understands now that they're all actors, but he feels like it was all genuine, and he'll never not feel like it was genuine. Extremely beautiful, but bat-shit crazy.
Cat asks if he can handle more, and says The Goat is a fake show, so the $100,000 prize is also fake. However, “The Joe Schmo Show” is not a fake show. THAT show is real, and that show's prize is $200,000. They bring out a briefcase of money and he asks if can touch it. Ben fakes taking the suitcase and leaving immediately. Cat says they have all loved coming to set with him every day. He is undoubtedly the greatest of all time.
Now it's time for a montage of “moments”. Ben interviews that at some point it will hit him that he's won $200,000 and he'll break down. He stands next to Maya with his arm around her while they have a dumb montage of whatever moments they think are fun and like, probably too much footage of the producers. It's insane this whole show revolved around him. This experience is 100% unique to him. No one else has been on The Goat or will be the Goatkeeper. They do of course show the clip of him saying this is all a big prank on him. Also his favorite part was still Jessica and her fucked up hair. He can't believe a couple hundred people came together, all for him. He thanks everyone, and he feels like the luckiest man in America. In confessional he calls his mom, and says it's over, and she asks how it was. He says it was the greatest time of his life, and he's trying not to cry. Mom says “cry if you need to cry”, in case you wondered where he got it from. “So, I made it to the end. And I won.” His mom asks if he's serious and he said “I'm dead-ass”. Then he says he was just on a fake show with a shitload of actors, and he was the only real person. Actually, Dad comes on the line to ask if he was the only real person. Mom says “Wait, I need a new glass of wine for the rest of this.” Heh. Cat insists Ben lead them in a final “Shabooya-hee” and then everyone yells, and then Ben in confessional is like “wait, hold up, they GAVE you guys tokens, I could have looked for YEARS and never found one, is what you're telling me. You bastards.” Heh.
Cut to however many months later, Ben has grown out his hair, and he is holding a black and white cat. He rescued a cat off the street and named it Elijah. Aww. The chyrons tell us “The Nobodies” are friends in real life, with a selfie of Ben and Charles Michael with Maya in the background. He also got a tattoo of a goat head, wearing a gold chain that says “200”. Heh.
Ben was great but I think the show suffered from not understanding how to change with the times. Everyone makes alliances and people vote for the biggest threat and not who pissed them off. And sometimes in an effort to make good TV the producers forgot to not be suspicious. Also too much footage of the producers. No one cares. I'd rather watch Danielle lead them in meditation or whatever.
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