Project Runway 5/2/19--"Blame It on Rio" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone got a clear Lucite handbag from Brandon, with a random object inside. Each designer had to make an elegant design inspired by whatever was in the handbag they took. Tessa, sadly, declared several times that she did not want a plus-sized model. Tessa, you should have won the video game challenge but come on. To be perfectly fair, the two plus sized models (who aren't even plus sized, but have a deep front porch if you know what I mean) are the last two, so it's not like Tessa was alone in her opinion. Hester decided she was going to waste her immunity on a mermaid gown with pasties, because of course she did. Jamall was due for some personal growth so he draped his fabric instead of using muslin, so everyone (literally everyone) praised him for personal growth and he won. Even though his dress had weird pouches and draping. Sonia didn't have time to make everything she wanted, and the dress she did make was too boring, so she was eliminated. (click for more)

In the apartment, Bishme and Renee have decided to directly confront Tessa, asking her if she thought her baggy clothes and unfinished hems were elegant. Tessa says she always does unfinished hems, to which Renee says “Well to me that's not elegant.” Tessa is shocked, but come on, Tessa. Don't tell me you thought your look was elegant. She's really offended. We all know you were just trying to get by because you got stuck with a fat model.

Karlie joins everyone on the runway with Marni. Marni references social media, and she says it's her job to make sure her clients are perfect at all times. There should be a story. For this challenge, they'll work in groups to create a mini collection of three looks for a celebrity client's upcoming vacation. Then there's a video with Morena Baccarin, who says she's going to Rio. She needs something chic for the beach, a daytime look for shopping and lunch, and a killer evening look. Nothing too revealing but she loves bright colors. The video also shows some of the clothes in her closet, which I think is a great help. Karlie starts talking about how important hair is, and I guess they need three unique hairstyles, but I know and you know that they won't care about the hair. Jamall is pissed because he wanted to be really creative with his immunity, but it's a group challenge.

The first group is Tessa, Sebastian, and Lela. Tessa got to pick, and she babbles about how great they are. Hester picks Garo and Bishme. Garo was on Hester's team the last time, which was a disaster. She actually asks if she can pick him, and he can't really say no to her face. She promises she's grown up. Bishme does not get offered a choice. So the last team is Jamall, Venny, and Renee. One day to sew.

30 minutes to discuss as a team. It looks like they get “randomly” assigned models, and a file of photos and a description of Morena. Lela thinks she has this in the bag. Sebastian tells his team he can do a swimsuit, and then Tessa takes the day look, leaving Lela with the evening look. Hester wants to claim the swimsuit, and the boys don't seem to care who does what. Jamall is taking beachwear. I know other things are happening, but swimwear is a slightly different set of skills, and while I'm sure most of these people can do either day or evening, I'm not so sure all of them can do swim. Marni appears to bother everyone about what their story is. No one has a story. Well, Lela says “Roman Holiday” even though they're going to Rio. Eventually Hester tells us Morena is a “disco queen” coming home to Rio to throw a party. She bosses her team around and says that she loves being the boss, because otherwise she's a problem child. Shocking. Tessa is back to her old ways, meaning bossing everyone around. But her team won the last team challenge, so I guess it's not as bad? She admits she has no idea what she's going to do.

13 hours to work. The designers are realizing all the teams have turquoise, coral, and yellow. Tessa is standing around telling Lela what to do, while Lela is working, and I wonder if she'll have time to do her own work. Renee's team has decided on “Carnival” as a theme. The only time she's been in the bottom was a team challenge so she's trying to be more vocal than last time. She argues with Venny about his fabric and whether or not it flounces properly. Jamall has some colorblocking, with prints and sheers. He doesn't want to screw up and doom his team because he has immunity. Garo interviews that in order for the team to get along, they have to let Hester believe she's in charge, when Garo is actually in charge. He does a lot of eveningwear so he's feeling pretty solid. Hester has made swimsuits before, but for androgynous, attention-seeking clients. Bishme is trying to redeem himself after his poor performance last week. Venny apparently has a formula for making pants? To cut your fabric properly? Renee usually drapes but she's going to try to use Venny's formula. Jamall irons something and then curses. He's ironed it, but it's Lycra, so now it's ruined and he has to redo a whole panel. Venny is inclined to just leave him to fix it, since he won't go home no matter what. Sebastian tells us he's made his own speedos, but women's swimwear is slightly more complicated. Lela is making a slip dress.

Time for Christian. Renee, Jamall, and Venny describe their looks to Christian, who tells them not to focus on “party” so much. More classic and sophisticated. Lela talks about “Roman Holiday” and he is clearly not impressed. They need more. The girls do a lot of talking while Sebastian just kind of stands there. Rio is very sexy, and he thought the girls were going to do something more sexy. But he's just keeping his mouth shut. Hester is doing shorts over a swimsuit. Why though. It's not fashionable. I mean don't get me wrong, I would do it because my thighs chafe otherwise, but when you do it, you can't tell it's a swimsuit. Garo's evening look is sort of boring. He was doing a simple version of his wide belts that he likes, and Christian says why is it simple? Bishme also needs to step up his design.

Jamall is talking to someone about his swimsuit that he has to fix, and he says he's calm because he has immunity, and Renee pipes up that his teammates don't have immunity, which is a good point. Hester tries on her swimsuit, which seems to be boy short bottoms with lace up sides. It's way too big. Then the designers discover it's snowing, so they all go outside to the courtyard to throw snowballs. Hee.

Renee is discovering that Venny's pants method involves a lot of excess fabric, so they look weird. He doesn't know why she changed her technique in the first place. Tessa and Lela are eating, and Tessa is bitching about how Bishme called her out for her look last week. Lela says it's dumb because Tessa's look fit her model beautifully (lies) and now she knows she can dress the fat models? Something? Lela is not doing Tessa any favors. I have no idea why Tessa wasn't on the bottom last week, but apparently being safe convinced her she made a good garment. Model fittings. Oh, see, it's relevant because that poor girl is stuck with Tessa again. Jamall's look is really cute, but it's a dress and not really a swimsuit. I guess a bikini goes under it? Hester's suit looks terrible, because it's too big, and Garo has to help her, which means losing time for his own stuff. The bottom fits horribly. Venny discovers the coral color he chose makes his model look like a teenager. Renee's pants look horrible. Why can no one fit crotches this week? Tessa crows to Bishme that her pants are awesome and there are no raw hems so he has nothing to say. His response is that she would have done the same to him last week.

Runway Day. Jamall is upset he is in a group, because he wants his failure to just affect him and not his group. Hester is wearing a headscarf with fruit in it. Christian shows up with Karlie, which upsets everyone because they're not stupid. Bishme says he's sweating behind his knees. Hee. She passive-aggressively waits until everyone stops working, so like Hester is cutting fabric, and they all stare at her until she stops. She's just telling them she's going to be at her friend's wedding so she won't be at the runway judging. Also Nina has a fever so she might not be there either. But Marni will be there! Oh yeah, remember the hair was supposed to be important? I think they've mentioned hair one time this whole episode, so I was right that no one cares. I mean Karlie rolls into the hair salon to bother one team and then leave. Renee is worried because her team has made their collection cohesive by all using the same print. Not by making their clothes similar so they look like the same person would buy them. Tessa and Lela are still making Sebastian help them.

Elaine's gonna be in charge today. Morena and Marni are here with Elaine and Brandon. Hester: coral/hot pink swimsuit, with a halter top and what should be high-cut bottoms. The sides are open and lace up with yellow. Over this is a sheer skirt that ties over the swimsuit. The back is terrible. Her model somehow has a wedgie AND wrinkly fabric. How is your suit so small it rides up, but also so big it wrinkles? The lacing up the sides and in the back also looks sloppy, and the skirt has a weird gap in the front, like the skirt part detached from the waistband. Bishme: white high-waisted pants and a coral top. The top is a crop top, more like a bra, with a short capelet. The top and the capelet frame a keyhole, and the capelet drapes down in the back like wings. The pants look pretty good and have a slight bootcut. Garo: long dress in teal with a wide coral belt. The belt has some stitching on it to make a pattern. The dress has a V neck and a cape hanging down from the shoulders. At first I thought it might be pants, because there's more than one slit and so as she walked, there were different panels moving in the skirt. Also a big silver zipper down the front.

Jamall: one shouldered swim dress in teal with black and yellow accents. There's a black stripe from one armpit across her stomach to the opposite hip, and the yellow is a very narrow bikini top sewn into the dress. The skirt part has a handkerchief hem, with sheer edges. So there's a black sheer fabric hanging down pretty far, just past her knees, but opaque teal covering her crotch. When she turns around, her ass is hanging out. The black sheer fabric sort of covers part of her butt, but the bikini bottoms are on display, and they are black with a weird dark red floral print on them. Renee: the top is a long-sleeved top in teal with a floral print on it. I think it might be a hoodie with a zipper? It's tucked in the front so you can see the pants, which are bad. Or is it a mullet hem? From some angles, it looks like a crop top that ends where the high-waisted pants start. But sometimes it looks like she tucked it in the front, and then there are tails in the back. The pants are very baggy through the hips and look pleated, which is only flattering on a small subset of people. Venny: short dress in hot pink with a dust ruffle. The same print Renee had is used to make straps. It's cute but Renee was right, their collection isn't cohesive.

Sebastian: a monokini, with a sheer sarong over it. The swimsuit has the quilting stitch that Tessa was talking about. It wraps around her chest, so picture two pieces of fabric running from each armpit over her chest and around her sides. Then there's a kimono in the same coral, and the skirt is a blue and coral print. The kimono is open and is loose so it just gives the impression of big flowing sleeves. I think it's a skirt? The model never removes it, but it's open all down one side so you can see the swimsuit has a bottom. Tessa: coral jumpsuit. The top is off the shoulder, with kind of a sweetheart neckline, and then turquoise straps over her shoulders. The straps look like they're just there as an afterthought, or possibly to hold up her top because Tessa didn't think it would stay up. The pants are palazzo pants. When the model turns around, the back is weird. So the top has a wrap style to it, and in the back the fabric is tied together with a long strap that's hanging down. Like she put on a shawl to cover up but then cinched it in the back to show some skin? I don't know, but it's miles above her look last week so I'll give it a pass. Lela: dark blue gown, mostly a slim fit, with slits on both sides of the skirt. There's a keyhole in the top, and off the shoulder straps, with two vertical straps in the coral. The skirt is also lined in coral. Then the skirt ends like four inches above her ankles. It's just boring, and the skirt length bugs me.

Elaine begins the judging part by pointing out to the designers that they all chose the same color palette, so all the collections look the same. Tessa, Sebastian, and Lela are in. Sebastian should be in the top, but Lela's is so boring to me. Those girls held him back. Hester, Garo, and Bishme are the top, and Jamall, Venny, and Renee are the bottom. Hester tries to claim this is a joint effort because she fosters everyone's personal best. Ugh. Elaine says it's very marketable, and I had hoped that they had abandoned that with Lifetime. I don't care about marketable. Then Morena says Hester's look is her favorite, although the color is too bright. What, that's what's upsetting?! Not the shitty saggy bottom? Why is everyone worshiping Hester? I'm really looking forward to the episode when they turn on her out of nowhere and declare they're bored with the same style they've been falling over themselves to praise. Hester points out that it's reversible, but they're glad she put the coral on her model because it looks better. AND THEN THEY JUST MOVE ON TO GARO AND DON'T SAY A SINGLE WORD ABOUT THE SHITTY BOTTOM!!!!!! So what you're saying is, either they really didn't say anything, or they did and the producers cut that part out in an effort to get us to love Hester? This is some bullshit. Anyway, they love Garo's belt, because the stitching is his signature corset detail. Brandon thinks this works on many body types, which it would. I would buy this dress. It moves really well and there's some skin but not a ton. Bishme's pants are well done, and since they're white they actually really stand out in the sea of coral and teal. Plus Rio is a perfect fit for white pants.

Venny talks about Carnival. It's not a cohesive collection. Brandon was confused by Jamall's look, and now that we're getting a close-up you can see that the skirt somehow goes between her legs? Like, I thought it was a weird handkerchief hem, but in reality there's a swag of the sheer black that goes from the front to the back. And somehow the teal is wrapped around one wrist? It's a bad ice skater costume. OK, it's dumb, but Brandon has decided you would drown if you tried to swim in it which is probably not true. That center swag thing is not long enough for you to get tangled in. Calm down. Marni is nice and says she gets that it's fashion, but Morena is the wrong client for this. Brandon knows Renee is just not good in team challenges. We all know the pants are horrible. The top is good, though, and is kind of Renee. Brandon won't shut up about the pants though. Venny's look is too junior, and Morena thought it was the day look. Brandon tries to justify his harping on everything because “you guys are better than this”. OK first of all, you went on and on and ON about Renee's pants, to the point where Elaine hit you with her scorecards and said “I think she gets it”. Second, you didn't say shit about Hester's bottoms so I'm not inclined to care about much else. The sad part here is that Jamall has immunity, and he had the worst look.

In the Scrap Bin, Jamall feels guilty for having immunity. Renee tells him he deserved immunity, and that's not his burden, because she and Venny could have made better clothes. Aww. Brandon loves how Garo's signature corset can fit into many different challenges. Marni doesn't like the cape. Then they all decide it's not the winner, and then they look at Hester's look and Elaine says it's well made and then they send her back into the line. What in the actual fuck. Are we just so determined to distance ourselves from Lifetime that we're going to worship the weirdest designer, no matter what? Bishme's model looks like she's on the beach, and the pants are great, and the top is basically a bra but it's well made.

Jamall's skirt should have been detachable, because you can't really swim in such a long skirt. It's not so long you will get tangled in it, BRANDON, but I agree it should be detachable. Marni still insists on loving it. Renee's blouse looks worse up close. Brandon still likes the blouse, although we all agree the pants suck. Elaine wonders aloud why Renee is only in the bottom when she is on a team. She probably second-guesses herself. Venny's look has an uneven hem, because the waist seam is off. They pull the straps off her shoulders and now Marni is a genius because it's so much better. Regardless, it doesn't fit the client.

Elaine says either Bishme or Hester is the winner. Brandon says Bishme did horribly last challenge, and turned it around, but also maybe they should award Hester's “consistency”. Morena claims she wouldn't do anything to that swimsuit, she'd buy it right now. Why is everyone ignoring this. You guys saw it, right? How the model had a wedgie but also what you could see of the bottoms was all wrinkly? And Hester herself made a comment about it? I'm not mental, am I? Marni has seen Hester's swimsuit before, but not Bishme's top. In terms of the bottom, Venny took them to the wrong carnival, but Renee took them to the mall. Renee has been consistently good, but Venny has been consistently mediocre with a couple pops.

Garo is in. Hester is the winner, because I guess the honeymoon's over. Here I was, thinking we had gotten away from the nonsense and the judges doing random things that were clearly wrong, but no. This show is still just a vehicle for whatever the producers have decided should happen, no matter what. I was mad but now I'm just disappointed. There is some horseshit about how it's glamorous and the construction is on point. Bishme is in. When they get back to the Scrap Bin, Bishme and Hester try to play about how they couldn't decide, and then when they do admit Hester won, Tessa waits for the congratulations to die down and then says “We love you, but I did not love your look.” Damn. Hester just kind of says “OK”, like, OK that's your opinion so whatever. I mean it's true but it is pretty cold to just throw it out there like that immediately after she won. Bishme just says it's not cool. Garo responds that it's just an opinion, but Bishme points out that Tessa was so pissed that he shared his opinion about her look (which was safe, and also it was the next day), but she dishes it out all the time. That's fair. Tessa says “I didn't feel strongly about you voicing your opinion, I reacted to it.” What does that even mean?? Also, you felt strongly enough about it to bitch to Lela about it so she would agree with you. Bishme demands that she congratulate Hester, which is maybe a step too far, and Tessa claims she did. Eventually Hester says she doesn't really care.

Anyway, Jamall is in, and Renee is out. Of course, because I like Renee. Venny is really upset. Elaine tells Renee is inspiring so many women, and she's glad to have seen some of it. Elaine was also rooting for her to win. Renee knows she can't have a bad day on this show, so even though she doesn't think she should have gone home, she's pretty OK with it. They also give her a montage of her good looks. She postponed her wedding to be here, and the other designers tease her and tell her she better get married next weekend. But she also knows she will get plenty of opportunities from being on this show.

Next week: performance wear for Elton John, male models, eliminated designers, Sonia being really pissy for some reason, Nina is back so let's hope the insanity this week was because she wasn't here to make everyone see reason.