TAR16, Recap Leg 6, 3/21/10

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Smart People Do Morse Code, Dumb People Don’t Get Eliminated, teams were lifted from Germany to France. Jordan and Jeff were noneliminated at the end of Leg 4 and had to perform a speed bump, which they did. Louie and Michael got to the U-Turn first and used it against Joe and Heidi, which they didn’t have to. And it was blind, but everyone knows who did it. And Joe and Heidi? They were not smart enough to do Morse code and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Hong Kong was lovely. We stayed in the hotel across the street from Happy Valley Race Course, the Pit Stop for TAR11 Leg 10. We then left the Pit Stop the next morning, ripped open our envelopes and raced to catch the TurboJET ferry to Macau. It was magically TAR. (Toyouke: “And you’re done. Write the recap, will ya? I would have had it done already.”)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock
2nd – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
3rd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
4th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
5th – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
6th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
7th – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother

Verdun, France

7:47 AM Louie/Michael (1st)
Clue: Drive yourselves 37 miles to the town of Reims, France, and find the cathedral where a statue of Joan of Arc is located. Once there, find the lady playing the saw to get your next clue.

The detectives are not too cold. Michael: “The other teams are probably freezing. I go outside in my boxers to get the paper in this weather.”

8:04 AM Steve/Allie (2nd) – Allie: “Joan d’Arc? Maybe it’s Arc De Joan, like Arc De Triomphe, you know, it’s an arc. . . of Triomphe.” (Toyouke: “"Arc de Joan"...sigh.”)
8:13 AM Jet/Cord (3rd) – Jet: “We have no clue where we’re going. Find a 7-11 and get directions.”
8:17 AM Dan/Jordan (4th) – So, they stop and ask for directions, and the lady they ask tells them it’s a cathedral. Dan: “Cathy Drone? They don’t speak good English here.” (Toyouke: “Cathy Drone. Jesus. Of course they don't speak good English here. YOU'RE IN FRANCE.”)
8:39 AM Carol/Brandy (5th)
9:48 AM Brent/Caite (6th)
10:28 AM Jordan/Jeff (7th) – Jordan: “Joan of Arc. . . isn’t he the one with the animals?” Jeff: “She.” Jordan: “No, he’s the one that carried all the animals in his boat.” Jeff: “She. That was Noah. No wonder we’re losing.” (Toyouke: “Well...at least Jeff can laugh at how stupid his girlfriend is. All the animals. It makes me embarrassed to be a teacher.”)

Teams arrive at the Joan of Arc statue and find the musician in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Jet/Cord – (Auburnium0513: “They’re butchering the French, make them stop.”)
3- Louie/Michael
4- Dan/Jordan – Jordan: “She’s on a horse, it’s how she’s usually depicted.” When did Jordan become an expert on Christian Saints? I think he’s Jewish.
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff – Jordan: “Well, we’re still in it for a reason.” (Toyouke: “The reason you are here is because the detectives U-turned the wrong team.”)

Teams are given a cork that says “Champagne Leclerc Briant” and teams are now supposed to find the Leclerc-Briant Winery, which is in the town of Épernay.

Teams in Épernay and find the clue in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – Jordan: “How do they make it? Is it wine and then they add club soda?” (Toyouke: “Club soda. Jesus.”) They happened to go to the same tourist office as. . .
2- Louie/Michael
3- Steve/Allie
4- Carol/Brandy
5- Jet/Cord – who see Champagne, and remember a town that had the word Champagne in it and so go off in the wrong direction. Jet: “Dang, that’s rank!” (Toyouke: “Wrong town? Oh, please don't lose out because of that. I would miss the cowboys.”)
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

And teams come to the fifth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to cave in?
In this roadblock, one team member must party like it’s 1799. They must make a 100 foot rappel down into a wine cellar, then find a marked bottle of champagne and walk up the stairs with it to the ground level. The roadblocker must then perform traditional saber service on the bottle, which will cause the champagne to shoot out as well as the next clue.

(Toyouke: “I've been to a cellar like that. They showed us how you have to turn all the bottles in a certain order. It's called "riddling" and they do it by machine now. But they used to do it all by hand, and they would mark one bottle with chalk so you would know how far to turn them and what orientation they were in. Then someone skilled would turn them two at a time to get the sediment to settle into the neck.” Kmanpat: "And...you're done.")

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Jordan
2- Louie
3- Steve
4- Brandy
5- Cord
6- Brent
7- Jeff

After much wine fetching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Louie/Michael
3- Steve/Allie
4- Carol/Brandy
5- Jet/Cord
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are then instructed by the wine label that pops out of the bottle to travel to Taittinger La Marquetterie, which is a chateau that produces champagne in Pierry.

Teams arrive at the clue box at Taittinger in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael – who get directions to Pierry.
2- Dan/Jordan – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. Jordan: “Don’t always trust a pretty girl!” (Toyouke: “Oh honey. That's your criteria? That they're good looking? No wonder you got bad directions.” Kmanpat: “Amen, brother!”)
3- Carol/Brandy – who get directions to Pierry.
4- Steve/Allie – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. But then Steve runs the car over a curb, causing damage and gets plastic stuck under the wheel. He fixes it. . . with duct tape. (Toyouke: “Oh, breaking the car. That's not good.”)
5- Brent/Caite – who are lost but think about asking for directions from a policeman, who was helping the lesbians. Problem is, the lesbians had already done the Detour, so they followed them to the Pit Stop. Well, that’s three for six incorrect Pit Stop arrivals.
6- Jet/Cord – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. A visitor there sends them in the right direction.
7- Jordan/Jeff – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. (Auburnium0513: “That poor woman at Taittinger. Having to redirect people all day long.”)

Teams now get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Tower OR Terra
*Tower: Teams must use 680 glasses to create a tower with 15 levels and 1 glass at the top. Teams must then take a Methuselah of champagne and pour it into the tower, creating a cascade of wine. When completed, the proctor will give them their next clue.
*Terra: Teams must search one square kilometer of vineyard for a marked bunch of grapes. Once found, teams take the grapes to the harvest foreman for the next clue.

1-Louie/Michael choose Terra – and have issues, so they pray to St. Anthony. (St. Anthony: “Well, God may be in the tub, but I love this show! Sure, I’ll help you guys! What do you think, Joan?” Ste. Joan d’Arc: “Hey, as long as it’s not that team that thought I was a fountain with angels around it, we’re good.”) Michael: "If I can find crack in someone's rear end, I can find grapes in a vineyard."
2-Dan/Jordan choose Tower – Jordan: “We should be able to do this with all the ones we’ve seen at bar and bat mitzvahs.” Dan, at pouring champagne: “Why couldn’t I be 6’2”?”
3-Carol/Brandy choose Terra
4-Steve/Allie choose Terra
5-Brent/Caite choose Terra – who break down looking for grapes. So, they bald snark to Tower. Brent: “You do it, you’re Little Miss Perfect.” Caite: “I know, that’s why you date me.” But then they pour champagne and the tower collapses. (Toyouke: “That is as freaky to watch as when someone's sugar sculpture falls down on Food Network Challenge.”) So they double bald snark to Terra. Which is where they run into. . .
6-Jet/Cord choose Terra
7-Jordan/Jeff choose Tower – and their tower falls before the champagne, so they bald snark to Terra. Jeff: “Why are we doing this, to teach kids to stay in school?

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Steve/Allie
4- Jet/Cord
5- Dan/Jordan
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to L’Orrca in Champagne-Ardenne. This cultural center is the PIT STOP of the sixth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in MAY be eliminated.

1- Louie/Michael – win their third leg in a row and get a trip to a Spa in Cancun. But who gets to welcome them? A mime!
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Steve/Allie – Steve: “I hope you have good car insurance Phil!”
4- Jet/Cord
5- Dan/Jordan
6- Brent/Caite – who actually showed up with Carol and Brandy in second, but realized that they shouldn’t be there yet. The mime’s reaction is priceless. (Toyouke: “Oh yes. Follow the lesbians to the pit stop. That will give the cowboys time to catch up. Even the mime is disapproving of Caite and Brent.”)
7- Jordan/Jeff

And Team Big Brother is FINALLY eliminated. Jeff comments on how it’s hard to be in a relationship when you’re with a person 24-7. Tell me about it. Bye-bye, don’t let the mime hit you on the way out.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Louie/Michael
2nd – Carol/Brandy
3rd – Steve/Allie
4th – Jet/Cord
5th – Dan/Jordan
6th – Brent/Caite

Next week: Teams fly to a new country that they can’t pronounce – the Seychelles! Brent and Caite break down. Again. But this time, Brent threatens to quit. (Toyouke: “And OXEN! And I bet they're BROKEN!!”) Until next time!