TAR16, Recap Leg 7, 3/28/10

Welcome to Leg 7! Last time, on Don’t Always Trust a Pretty Girl, teams drove themselves through French Wine Country. Dan and Jordan get smart, Brent and Caite continue to break down, The detectives check in first for the third leg in a row, and Jordan and Jeff are FINALLY eliminated! TAR, get the hint that we do NOT need another Big Brother team on this show. EVER. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)


Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock, arrive at 12:35 PM
2nd – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians, arrive at 1:28 PM
3rd – Steve/Allie, Team World Series, arrive at 1:57 PM
4th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers, arrive at 2:36 PM
5th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!, arrive at 3:36 PM
6th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As, arrive at 4:36 PM

L’Orrca, Champagne-Ardenne, France

12:35 AM Louie/Michael (1st)
Clue: Fly 5000 miles to the island of Mahé in The Seychelles! Take the available flight from Charles De Gaulle Airport. Once you arrive, find the marked kiosk to take a number and determine your order for the next clue.

(Toyouke: “Forced bunching...woo.”)

1:28 AM Carol/Brandy (2nd)
1:57 AM Steve/Allie (3rd) – Steve: “I’m a professional baseball coach and this is like the World Series!”
2:36 AM Jet/Cord (4th) – Jet: “I hope we go somewhere that speaks English.” (Toyouke: “I love the cowboys. I feel like I would be able to tolerate their stupid.”)
3:36 AM Dan/Jordan (5th) – Jordan: “I bet we’ll have to do something in order.” (Auburnium0513: “Numbers mean an order? Really? Thanks for letting me know.”)
4:36 AM Brent/Caite (6th)

Teams arrive in Paris at Charles de Gaulle and get their seat assignments in the following order:

1- Breant/Caite – who get row 7.
2- Steve/Allie – who get row 10.
3- Dan/Jordan – who get row 15.
4- Carol/Brandy – who get row 25.
5- Louie/Michael – who go and grab a bite to eat with . . .
6- Jet/Cord

The Amazing Red Line then takes teams from Paris to Mahé, where teams slowly deplane and run to the numbered kiosk.

Teams arrive at the kiosk in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Steve/Allie
3- Dan/Jordan
4- Louie/Michael
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Jet/Cord

Teams then discover that they will be flying on helicopters to the island of La Digue. Only three helicopters are available at a time, so the first three teams will depart, and the second group will leave an hour later.

Teams fly through the air and arrive at the La Digue Clue Box in the following order:

1- Brent/Caite
2- Steve/Allie – Allie: “Dear God, thank you for creating this beautiful sight with my Dad. Thank you.” (God: “Hate to burst your bubble, darling, but I did it myself. In six days. Beat that.”)
3- Dan/Jordan – Jordan, singing: “We’ve got a rainbow following us.” (Kmanpat: “Honey, you don’t need one following you. You are one.”
4- Louie/Michael
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Jet/Cord

Teams now get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Turtle Toddle OR Ox Trot
*Turtle Toddle: Teams must use a banana to lure a 100 year old, 500 pound tortoise across a field to the finish line. Once there, team members each pick up a bunch of bananas and carry them 1.5 miles to the fruit merchant who will give them their next clue.
*Ox Trot: Teams must take a cart to the nearby clearing and fill it full with a provided pile of coconuts. Teams must lose NO cargo and transport the cart via oxen to the fruit merchant who will give them their next clue.

1-Breant/Caite choose Ox Trot – Thanks to the Amazing Editors, we get a shot of the lone coconut that falls out of the cart. (Toyouke: “Oo, I wondered why the Detour instructions had showed the coconut and had the Rattlesnakes of Discontent.” Auburnium0513: “Loser Gong!”) As they are heading towards the harbor to find the fruit merchant, Brent’s ox breaks. (Toyouke: “Oh yeah, that ox is broken.“) When they arrive and the fruit merchant tells them they don’t have all the coconuts, Brent breaks too, and tries to quit in frustration. Caite: "It's so unfair we are unobservant!" (Toyouke: “I love that someone obviously called ahead to tell the guy there was one coconut left.”) But they don’t, and they go back and get their coconut.
2-Steve/Allie choose Turtle Toddle – and in the process, leave their luggage behind. Oops. (Toyouke: “Sigh...never leave your bags anywhere.”)
3-Dan/Jordan choose Ox Trot – who name their ox Box, after their father who owns a boxing company.
4-Louie/Michael choose Ox Trot
5-Carol/Brandy choose Turtle Toddle – They get the uncooperative tortoise, so they bald snark to Ox Trot. Thanks to the Amazing Editors, we get a shot of the lone coconut that falls out of the cart. (Toyouke: “I love that the guy is just standing there, pointing at the coconut. “) Carol and Brandy end up going back for the coconut.
6-Jet/Cord choose Ox Trot – Jet: “We’re usually loading feed into these things.” Thanks to the Amazing Editors, we get a shot of the lone coconut that falls out of the cart. This is getting to be a habit. (Auburnium0513: “Manhandling the natives would certainly be a penalty.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Dan/Jordan
3- Louie/Michael
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jet/Cord
6- Carol/Brandy

Teams are then instructed to swim into the harbor and take a motorboat to Saint Pierre Island. At the marked buoy, the boat captain will give them their next clue. Teams arrive at the boats in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie – where Allie realizes that the bags have been left, and that they probably aren’t getting them any time soon. Steve: “It’ll be ok, at least I have our money and passports.” (Toyouke: “Well...at least he brought the Amazing Purse.”)
2- Dan/Jordan – the boys are topless and slapping each other. (Toyouke: “Um...I think Jordan just told his brother that slapping him will make his nipples hard.” Kmanpat: “I like how Jordan slaps his brother’s chest and nothing moves.”)
3- Louie/Michael
4- Brent/Caite
5- Jet/Cord
6- Carol/Brandy

Teams arrive at the buoy in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Dan/Jordan
3- Brent/Caite
4- Louie Michael
5- Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “Not enough shirtless cowboy!!”)
6- Carol/Brandy

And teams come to the sixth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Time to take a deep breath!
In this roadblock, one team member must dive underwater and find seven bottles tied to the bottom of the ocean. The roadblocker must untie one bottle and bring it to the surface. The boat captain will then drive the boat within view of the island. Team members must then swim to shore and empty the contents of the bottle, which form a treasure map that leads the team to a precious treasure – the seventh Pit Stop.

Phil does the task description. In shorts. UNDERWATER. (Toyouke: “This task description is almost as awesome as the one in Russia where Phil was in his underwear.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Steve
2- Jordan
3- Brent – (Toyouke: “Brent shirtless is disappointing.”)
4- Michael
5- Cord
6- Brandy

After much bottle grabbing and swimming and map completing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Dan/Jordan
3- Brent/Caite
4- Louie/Michael
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Jet/Cord

Teams are now instructed to walk the marked path on the map. X marks the spot of the PIT STOP of the seventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in MAY be eliminated.

1- Steve/Allie – who find out that 7-UP sponsored this leg of the race. (Leg 7, get it?) So they get a “Positively Uplifting Reward” of a seaside dinner, massages, $7000 each, and all the 7-UP they can drink. Very Survivoresque, no? (Toyouke: “That looks suspiciously like a Survivor reward.”)
2- Dan/Jordan
3- Brent/Caite – who want to get rid of the lesbians. Brent: “I think all the teams are anonymous on that.” As are. . .
4- Louie/Michael
5- Carol/Brandy – who get a break thanks to . . .
6- Jet/Cord – who leave the bottle on the boat and have to go back and get it. (Toyouke: “Why are they so stupid?! “) Good job, Cord.

And Jet and Cord are . . . not eliminated! This is the second of three non-elimination rounds, but the cowboys will have to complete a Speed Bump in the next round.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Steve/Allie
2nd – Dan/Jordan
3rd – Brent/Caite
4th – Louie/Michael
5th – Carol/Brandy
6th – Jet/Cord

Next week: Malaysian Flag Balancing! And Jet and Cord run into issues. Again. Until next time!

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Project Runway 3/25/10--"Hey, That's My Fabric" summary

Previously on "Project Runway": everyone had to make clothes, in teams, inspired by various neighborhoods in New York. Of course Jay and Mila don't like each other and end up together, where they really don't talk to each other but Jay says this is "professional". Emilio and Seth Aaron do a very good job, according to the judges, even though it's more super tailored jackets from Seth Aaron and what is really a plain black dress with an interesting lining from Emilio. But they win. And then Amy is eliminated for an overworked tunic with too much of a peplum. (click for more)

In the morning Jonathan is super sad that Amy is gone. Like, in tears sad. He says game on. Anthony is thrilled to be so close to Bryant Park, closer than anyone probably thought he'd get. Maya is jealous that she hasn't won yet. Emilio claims to be normal.

Heidi tells everyone to be creative and that this will involve more than just choosing fabric. Seth Aaron hopes they're getting "pocket elves" to help them sew. No, it's just Tim and Vivienne Tam. I would love a pocket elf, though. Tim tells them that they will all be designing their own textile as the core of their design for this challenge. Cool! They're going to use some computer software for the design. Vivienne talks about the [product placement] computer program and how it helps her with her designs. They have an hour to design their fabric, and it will be delivered tomorrow, so they'll get two days for this challenge. They can also get some fabric from Mood.

Everyone is super thrilled. The computers have touch-screens and I think they get brushes or whatever tools they want. It's pretty cool, actually. Mila is making drips of paint. Jonathan talks about organic. Emilio has a bunch of hearts and his initials, like graffiti. Everyone prints their design on paper as a test. Maya has black, again, but also red and orange lines.

At Mood they get $100 and 20 minutes. Everyone kind of looks blank since they spent their entire hour designing fabric but not designing the actual outfits. Seth Aaron has yellow and "a British take on pop punk." Sounds...exactly like what he's been doing.

Emilio has a jacket, a skirt, and a top. He wisely knows that with an extra day the judges will expect more from everyone. Mila is making a strapless dress with a V neck, with one entire side made of her print. And she also has some very bright crayon colors. Yellow, blue, and green, all like, really bright Crayola colors. Her fabric has rainbow stripes drawn on a white background. Anthony compares them to Legos: "When we were children, we played with Legos. I don't want to wear Legos; I just want to play with them." Jonathan's print is so light that when he printed it on paper it's invisible. So he's worried about that. Anthony is making separates, trying to be edgy. But he's feeling iffy about it. He says he's going to pray for his jacket, because he's never made one. Oh, Anthony. Did you learn nothing from Ben? Emilio talks about his viscera. He makes his bustier. Out of teal leather. Once it's done he looks at it and hates it. Anthony tries to get him to look at it objectively, but he's starting to freak out. He takes it apart to start over.

Maya doesn't work with prints so she's struggling. Anthony starts talking about Beyonce and how he blames her for everything that goes wrong in his life because she's too empowering? I'm not sure. He also is angry at Oprah because she did not have him on her show on the day she gave everyone a car. Or he would be, were he to try to be on Oprah. He says he doesn't try to be entertaining; everyone laughs at him even when he's trying to be somber. Everyone is excited for tomorrow to see their fabric.

Seth Aaron gets a phone call home. He's here to win. In the morning fabrics are waiting for everyone. They're so excited! Jonathan's fabric did turn out which is a relief. It's got a bubble pattern. Someone shouts that they want to make out with their fabric. Emilio has to explain his fabric, which says "ESOSA" with a heart for the O. But there aren't spaces between the sets of letters so he has to explain it to Mila, who says it's one of the worst in the room. From far away, the hearts in white make squiggly diagonal stripes, and the letters turn into squiggles too, all on a teal background. She questions his taste. Maya doesn't know what to do with her design. At the moment it's not very her.

Tim time! Mila has a long dress, with her striped fabric running vertically, and she and Tim have an argument about the length and whether or not it's evening. She says it's a maxi dress, in cotton, so it'll work. As he leaves she calls him "TG" which...irritates me for some reason. Jonathan is making a lightweight leather wrap jacket and a fitted dress in the print. Tim worries about proportions. Tim doesn't get Emilio's print either, to the extent that he thinks it says "Seth Aaron Emilio Sosa (heart)." Hee. He wants a 40's silhouette. Tim says that if you take away the print, it's pretty basic. Emilio takes this as "mocking". And then he says he's not listening to Tim. Seth Aaron has some squares...there's some yellow...a pair of lips? I'm not sure what's going on with it. Tim loves what Seth Aaron has so far but says his print must match it. Maya's red and orange lines are in overlapping V shapes. Anthony is trying to match the lines in the dress with the lines in the print. Tim wants him to be more ambitious.

The models come in. Jonathan is very confident. Maya says she likes to be "dimensional" and prints are "flat". She wants to win. Mila's stripes are each 2 or 3 inches wide, much wider than I thought. Mila can't imagine Anthony making a collection. Seth Aaron loves his fabric. Anthony has to take in the bodice and he's scrapped his first top.

The day of the show, Maya is freaking out. She didn't sleep last night. Anthony tells Jay he looks like a gay Christmas ornament. Huh? Jay ends up changing clothes because of Anthony. Lots of working still. Mila says she's pushing boundaries. Seth Aaron has to make sleeves for his jacket. Jay thinks he's ready, but he says it's hard to tell who is safe and who is not. Well...I have no idea what Jay is doing, so that says to me that he's safe. So WE all know. Anthony says everything over in Jonathan's corner of the workroom is pale, including Jonathan. Jonathan tells us that Mila's model can't walk because the dress is too stiff. Emilio's print, from far away, doesn't look like letters.

Vivienne Tam is back for judging. Seth Aaron: tailored jacket in his print, which looks like yellow and black fabric with a black windowpane. The lapels of the jacket and the pockets are black (or very dark olive green). There is a yellow tie, and gray pants with black piping. They look like they are a little bit full in the thigh and tight on her lower legs, but not so full that they could be jodhpurs. Jonathan: cream colored top, with a sash, and a darker gold shawl collar. It looks like the collar has a print too, maybe? Underneath is a sheath dress with his print, gray with lighter gray bubbles. The top of the dress has a sweetheart neckline and a sheer piece of fabric that covers her chest and ties at her neck. The cream top is a reverse top so the seam is in back. Maya: black sheath dress with panels of the red striped fabric on either side. The collar of the dress has stiff ruffles. Emilio: black top and printed dress. From afar, the dress just looks like teal fabric with white and black stripes. The top has poofy shoulders, and opens up to reveal the rest of the dress which has a straight neckline and an inverted triangle of black. Mila: long white dress, with a panel of the print, which is giant rainbow stripes like paint. There is also a sleeveless vest in black. Her model has to pick up the dress to walk without tripping. The straps on the dress are colored also but you can't see them well. Anthony: dark short dress with thin straps. The print, a dark purple and black with squares and triangles, is set into the bodice, with black strips criss-crossing it. The back is weird; it's like a shrug with no sleeves. Jay: black pants, a black and green top with his print (black with bright green stripes) and a jacket. The print is on the lapels of the jacket, which has a big collar, and down the front of her top. The top has a really high turtleneck, so it looks like she had a bustier that she put over a black turtleneck. The sleeves on the jacket are also weird; I think he has loops there? I don't know.

Jay is the only safe one today. Emilio explains his print and his 40's inspiration. Heidi loves the whole thing. Kors says his print is "abstract"...I guess so from afar. They all love it except Vivienne wishes he had made a heart-shaped neckline or something. Mila talks about her dress and how she wanted to show versatility with the jacket, but Kors calls it a "Mexican serape" and a "gay flag". And the model can't walk. They're all bored and the print doesn't go with the dress. Anthony wanted something structured but also "festive". Nina asks about the "shrug" and Anthony explains about how he had to change it last minute. For some reason this irritates everyone, because they just wanted to know if it was a shrug or not. Vivienne doesn't like the neckline with the rest of the dress, and Heidi wants to see something different from him. Seth Aaron's print has an eye and a mouth, so it's supposed to be a woman's face. Kors likes that each piece could stand alone. So good praise for him all around. Maya wanted something sculptural, and Nina thinks the print is brilliant. However, she thinks there's a lot going on in the whole look. Kors is intrigued by the dress from any angle. Jonathan talks about how he made his fabric, so it would look like watercolors, and how the sheer part of the dress at the top is actually a blouse. Kors thinks the jacket is a "disco straitjacket" and the print looks like a "dirty tablecloth". Jonathan stands up for himself and says it's "preposterous", what Kors said, and then for some reason puts the jacket back on his model. Kors actually stops what he was doing and makes fun of Jonathan, saying "Oh, your husband helping you with your straitjacket" which is kind of excessive. Everyone laughs. Nina feels sad when she looks at the dress. Jonathan says that sad is still an emotion, but Kors wants it to be beautiful sad.

Nina hates that Anthony always has an excuse. They are bored and think he's not doing enough. Mila could have been more creative, but she took the easy way out and also her model couldn't walk. Jonathan got really offended, but his outfit was a train wreck and was too weird. Seth Aaron's clothes look polished and he always has ideas. Emilio had a great print and Heidi wants to buy the dress. Kors points out that the print could be scaled to different sizes and with different colors. Maya's print has movement and it's Kors's favorite.

Emilio is the winner! Maya looks irritated. He's quite pleased with himself. Seth Aaron is in. Maya is in. She gets an interview that she really wanted to win and it's frustrating to be so close. Mila is in (apparently because they thought her model should have done a better job walking, so it wasn't her fault). Anthony was boring and had excuses. Jonathan's outfit was bizarre, even if he thought it was awesome. Anthony is out. It's going to be boring in the workroom now. When he goes back into the Stew Room (for lack of a better term) he says "Hey Ru!" which I hope and pray is a reference to "RuPaul's Drag Race." He says you don't need a crown to be the queen. In the end he's really proud to be here. Tim reminds him that he'll be on the cover of Marie Claire.

Next week: designing for a celebrity, who is supposedly a pain to work with, Tim has some shocking announcement and everyone freaks out. Not "OMG Tim says there's a twist to the challenge and I can't handle it" freaking out, but "someone has died/gotten hit by a bus/quit the show/was caught cheating" freaking out.
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TAR16, Recap Leg 6, 3/21/10

Welcome to Leg 6! Last time, on Smart People Do Morse Code, Dumb People Don’t Get Eliminated, teams were lifted from Germany to France. Jordan and Jeff were noneliminated at the end of Leg 4 and had to perform a speed bump, which they did. Louie and Michael got to the U-Turn first and used it against Joe and Heidi, which they didn’t have to. And it was blind, but everyone knows who did it. And Joe and Heidi? They were not smart enough to do Morse code and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Hong Kong was lovely. We stayed in the hotel across the street from Happy Valley Race Course, the Pit Stop for TAR11 Leg 10. We then left the Pit Stop the next morning, ripped open our envelopes and raced to catch the TurboJET ferry to Macau. It was magically TAR. (Toyouke: “And you’re done. Write the recap, will ya? I would have had it done already.”)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock
2nd – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
3rd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
4th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
5th – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
6th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
7th – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother

Verdun, France

7:47 AM Louie/Michael (1st)
Clue: Drive yourselves 37 miles to the town of Reims, France, and find the cathedral where a statue of Joan of Arc is located. Once there, find the lady playing the saw to get your next clue.

The detectives are not too cold. Michael: “The other teams are probably freezing. I go outside in my boxers to get the paper in this weather.”

8:04 AM Steve/Allie (2nd) – Allie: “Joan d’Arc? Maybe it’s Arc De Joan, like Arc De Triomphe, you know, it’s an arc. . . of Triomphe.” (Toyouke: “"Arc de Joan"...sigh.”)
8:13 AM Jet/Cord (3rd) – Jet: “We have no clue where we’re going. Find a 7-11 and get directions.”
8:17 AM Dan/Jordan (4th) – So, they stop and ask for directions, and the lady they ask tells them it’s a cathedral. Dan: “Cathy Drone? They don’t speak good English here.” (Toyouke: “Cathy Drone. Jesus. Of course they don't speak good English here. YOU'RE IN FRANCE.”)
8:39 AM Carol/Brandy (5th)
9:48 AM Brent/Caite (6th)
10:28 AM Jordan/Jeff (7th) – Jordan: “Joan of Arc. . . isn’t he the one with the animals?” Jeff: “She.” Jordan: “No, he’s the one that carried all the animals in his boat.” Jeff: “She. That was Noah. No wonder we’re losing.” (Toyouke: “Well...at least Jeff can laugh at how stupid his girlfriend is. All the animals. It makes me embarrassed to be a teacher.”)

Teams arrive at the Joan of Arc statue and find the musician in the following order:

1- Steve/Allie
2- Jet/Cord – (Auburnium0513: “They’re butchering the French, make them stop.”)
3- Louie/Michael
4- Dan/Jordan – Jordan: “She’s on a horse, it’s how she’s usually depicted.” When did Jordan become an expert on Christian Saints? I think he’s Jewish.
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff – Jordan: “Well, we’re still in it for a reason.” (Toyouke: “The reason you are here is because the detectives U-turned the wrong team.”)

Teams are given a cork that says “Champagne Leclerc Briant” and teams are now supposed to find the Leclerc-Briant Winery, which is in the town of Épernay.

Teams in Épernay and find the clue in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan – Jordan: “How do they make it? Is it wine and then they add club soda?” (Toyouke: “Club soda. Jesus.”) They happened to go to the same tourist office as. . .
2- Louie/Michael
3- Steve/Allie
4- Carol/Brandy
5- Jet/Cord – who see Champagne, and remember a town that had the word Champagne in it and so go off in the wrong direction. Jet: “Dang, that’s rank!” (Toyouke: “Wrong town? Oh, please don't lose out because of that. I would miss the cowboys.”)
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

And teams come to the fifth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to cave in?
In this roadblock, one team member must party like it’s 1799. They must make a 100 foot rappel down into a wine cellar, then find a marked bottle of champagne and walk up the stairs with it to the ground level. The roadblocker must then perform traditional saber service on the bottle, which will cause the champagne to shoot out as well as the next clue.

(Toyouke: “I've been to a cellar like that. They showed us how you have to turn all the bottles in a certain order. It's called "riddling" and they do it by machine now. But they used to do it all by hand, and they would mark one bottle with chalk so you would know how far to turn them and what orientation they were in. Then someone skilled would turn them two at a time to get the sediment to settle into the neck.” Kmanpat: "And...you're done.")

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Jordan
2- Louie
3- Steve
4- Brandy
5- Cord
6- Brent
7- Jeff

After much wine fetching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Dan/Jordan
2- Louie/Michael
3- Steve/Allie
4- Carol/Brandy
5- Jet/Cord
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are then instructed by the wine label that pops out of the bottle to travel to Taittinger La Marquetterie, which is a chateau that produces champagne in Pierry.

Teams arrive at the clue box at Taittinger in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael – who get directions to Pierry.
2- Dan/Jordan – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. Jordan: “Don’t always trust a pretty girl!” (Toyouke: “Oh honey. That's your criteria? That they're good looking? No wonder you got bad directions.” Kmanpat: “Amen, brother!”)
3- Carol/Brandy – who get directions to Pierry.
4- Steve/Allie – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. But then Steve runs the car over a curb, causing damage and gets plastic stuck under the wheel. He fixes it. . . with duct tape. (Toyouke: “Oh, breaking the car. That's not good.”)
5- Brent/Caite – who are lost but think about asking for directions from a policeman, who was helping the lesbians. Problem is, the lesbians had already done the Detour, so they followed them to the Pit Stop. Well, that’s three for six incorrect Pit Stop arrivals.
6- Jet/Cord – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. A visitor there sends them in the right direction.
7- Jordan/Jeff – who go to a tourist office and get directions to Taittinger . . . Production in Reims. The information desk there sends them in the right direction. (Auburnium0513: “That poor woman at Taittinger. Having to redirect people all day long.”)

Teams now get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Tower OR Terra
*Tower: Teams must use 680 glasses to create a tower with 15 levels and 1 glass at the top. Teams must then take a Methuselah of champagne and pour it into the tower, creating a cascade of wine. When completed, the proctor will give them their next clue.
*Terra: Teams must search one square kilometer of vineyard for a marked bunch of grapes. Once found, teams take the grapes to the harvest foreman for the next clue.

1-Louie/Michael choose Terra – and have issues, so they pray to St. Anthony. (St. Anthony: “Well, God may be in the tub, but I love this show! Sure, I’ll help you guys! What do you think, Joan?” Ste. Joan d’Arc: “Hey, as long as it’s not that team that thought I was a fountain with angels around it, we’re good.”) Michael: "If I can find crack in someone's rear end, I can find grapes in a vineyard."
2-Dan/Jordan choose Tower – Jordan: “We should be able to do this with all the ones we’ve seen at bar and bat mitzvahs.” Dan, at pouring champagne: “Why couldn’t I be 6’2”?”
3-Carol/Brandy choose Terra
4-Steve/Allie choose Terra
5-Brent/Caite choose Terra – who break down looking for grapes. So, they bald snark to Tower. Brent: “You do it, you’re Little Miss Perfect.” Caite: “I know, that’s why you date me.” But then they pour champagne and the tower collapses. (Toyouke: “That is as freaky to watch as when someone's sugar sculpture falls down on Food Network Challenge.”) So they double bald snark to Terra. Which is where they run into. . .
6-Jet/Cord choose Terra
7-Jordan/Jeff choose Tower – and their tower falls before the champagne, so they bald snark to Terra. Jeff: “Why are we doing this, to teach kids to stay in school?

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Steve/Allie
4- Jet/Cord
5- Dan/Jordan
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to L’Orrca in Champagne-Ardenne. This cultural center is the PIT STOP of the sixth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in MAY be eliminated.

1- Louie/Michael – win their third leg in a row and get a trip to a Spa in Cancun. But who gets to welcome them? A mime!
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Steve/Allie – Steve: “I hope you have good car insurance Phil!”
4- Jet/Cord
5- Dan/Jordan
6- Brent/Caite – who actually showed up with Carol and Brandy in second, but realized that they shouldn’t be there yet. The mime’s reaction is priceless. (Toyouke: “Oh yes. Follow the lesbians to the pit stop. That will give the cowboys time to catch up. Even the mime is disapproving of Caite and Brent.”)
7- Jordan/Jeff

And Team Big Brother is FINALLY eliminated. Jeff comments on how it’s hard to be in a relationship when you’re with a person 24-7. Tell me about it. Bye-bye, don’t let the mime hit you on the way out.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Louie/Michael
2nd – Carol/Brandy
3rd – Steve/Allie
4th – Jet/Cord
5th – Dan/Jordan
6th – Brent/Caite

Next week: Teams fly to a new country that they can’t pronounce – the Seychelles! Brent and Caite break down. Again. But this time, Brent threatens to quit. (Toyouke: “And OXEN! And I bet they're BROKEN!!”) Until next time!
Clicky clicky

Project Runway 3/18/10--"Takin' It to the Street" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers had to make outfits based on one of the four ancient elements: earth, air, fire, or water. Almost no one does anything that is immediately identifiable as their inspiration. Jonathan wins something, finally, for making a light, airy dress based on laughter. That one you could tell what it was about. Ben actually gets screen time, but mostly because he’d decided to make his “water” outfit be a suit that is supposed to be about sharks. It’s not. Sadly it has an insane crotch, and I guess Amy’s “hair bowl” is creative or whatever. So he went home. (click for more)

Amy needs to step it up. I don’t know that she’s lost herself so much as sometimes she needs to reign in the crazy. Maya says everyone’s won a challenge except for her. Really? …I must admit I’m too lazy to look. But it’s possible.

Heidi says today they must get into a “New York state of mind”. Tim will meet them, but in the lounge instead of some fabulous location. Anthony cleverly knows he should probably just wait for Tim to tell them what’s going on instead of trying to guess. Tim meets them with Collier Strong, so it’s the makeup people’s turn to have a commercial. They will be sent out into the city, to one of four “distinctive” neighborhoods: Chinatown, the East Village, the Upper East Side, and Harlem. Emilio says that being from New York, he must win this challenge or it will be disappointing for him “and [his] people.” Also: teams of two! Haha! Emilio immediately interviews that he prays not to be stuck with Mila, so you know that is the pairing. Each team will have two looks, one for day and one for evening. $300 total, and team leaders will be selected by random draw. They are Anthony, Amy, Emilio, and Jay. Anthony takes Maya, Amy picks Jonathan, Emilio takes Seth Aaron (oo, I was wrong), which means Jay gets Mila. Emilio just gloats because he knows Jay and Mila don’t like each other. Both of them interview how much they hate this.

The neighborhoods shake out like this: Jay and Mila, East Village; Emilio and Seth Aaron, Harlem; Amy and Jonathan, Upper East Side; Anthony and Maya, Chinatown. Collier Strong talks about some makeup stuff. They’ll get 30 minutes to sketch in their neighborhood, and then go to Mood.

Emilio says Harlem is about “churches, liquor stores, and fried chicken.” Sigh. Everyone is wearing denim. Eventually they find a mosaic with a lot of colors and cool artwork. Anthony and Maya wander Chinatown and think red. They’re looking at paper dragons, the kind that have accordion folds? You know what I mean? Anyways, instead of thinking “dragon” they are thinking “accordion folds”. Amy and Jonathan immediately notice that the Upper East Side is very static. They spy a church with a cool texture of stone and some wrought iron fences. Jay and Mila look at graffiti. Jay tries to lead Mila but he doesn’t always make sense.

It’s a one day challenge again. Oh, they went fabric shopping but it wasn’t exciting. Tim warns everyone that the team leader might not be the one going home. Jay is doing the day look, with some crazy pants. Mila scoffs in interview but says they’re his pants. Emilio is doing a Billie Holliday throwback for his evening look. Anthony is trying to lead, but he says Maya has already admitted she has control issues. She’s getting bossy. Jonathan has an idea for pleats, and he says Amy’s design has lots of detail too. Anthony’s trying to do his 3D look for his evening look, but Maya is telling him what to do and not doing her own outfit. He interviews that she’s claiming she’s concerned because she’s an “artist”, but at this point, everyone is an artist. Seth Aaron doesn’t sketch, so Emilio feels he has to watch him closely to make sure he doesn’t do anything random. Mila and Jay are not talking to each other. Jay says this is “professional”. Jonathan and Amy have a giant amount of pleats. He knows that they are both so detail oriented that there is a real chance they won’t finish.

Collier Strong, while attractive, does not have an interesting segment. It never is, sadly.

Tim time! Emilio explains the denim day look and non-denim evening look. Tim has nothing to say, really. He does have things to say to Anthony and Maya, namely that their fabric of the day jacket is “weak” and why did you reject the stripe? Why isn’t that the jacket? Maya had previously rejected a striped fabric, that was one of the times Anthony was talking about how she’s bossy. Jay’s pants are like jodhpurs, apparently, and Tim points out no woman wants wide thighs. He swears they will hit at the right spot, and Mila barely contains her smirk. They don’t know what the day look will be. Or, Mila’s look anyway. Jonathan and Amy may be at risk of over designing. Tim reminds them it’s not how much they can get done, but if the look works.

Jonathan realizes he may be designing “a carnival”. Anthony has to hand stitch all his details in his dress. The models come in and Jay and his model whisper about how much they don’t like teams. Seth Aaron cuts up his jacket in front of his model, who kind of freaks. But it works. Jay hasn’t started one of his pieces, but judging from how many people had to finish pants last week? And I mean from start to finish the day of the show? A tank top is not that much of a concern. Emilio just laughs at them. Amy says she’s never seen Jonathan struggle with time so she’s concerned. He’s getting sloppy.

Morning comes, and Jonathan thinks it is physically impossible for him to finish. Mila complains about aching and getting done. Now, they might be editing, but from what I see, Maya and Amy are listening to her and they are in no way interested in what she has to say. Back at Parsons everyone gets to work and freaks out. Anthony has on a teal cardigan that I think I own. They have one hour to finish. Anthony thinks Maya’s look is “grand-mama”. Jay’s tank top is kind of weird. Jonathan and Amy are doing…something, Emilio is confused. Mila is determined to defend herself on the runway. Jay interprets this as Mila being willing to throw Jay under the bus, which is pretty much what she meant anyway. Jonathan and Amy work up into the last possible second.

Kors has decided to be gone tonight. Sad. Francisco Costa, women‘s creative director for Calvin Klein, is sitting in for him. Guest judge is Molly Sims. They start the show with a gong, which tells you this is Anthony and Maya. The day look is a black knee-length skirt with red darts, and a wrap top in striped brown. It looks cute, although not earth-shattering. I do enjoy that the model has chopsticks in her hair. A thin belt holds the top shut. The evening look is a short black dress with a plunging V, and all down one shoulder and across the front are open squares of tan fabric. They’re 3D and hollow. Jay and Mila: gray pants that are tight except for at the hips (so…jodhpurs) and a tank top that is black with red and black horizontal stripes on the front panels. Stripes which don’t match up. Mila’s look is red tights, a short skirt in a black and white almost checkered pattern, and a black and white jacket. The jacket is mostly black with some white piping, and white shoulders. Mila claims her model is giving it edge, but throwing the devil horns at the end of the runway with the same bored look on your face does not qualify as “working it.” Also I think that was supposed to be evening and it wasn’t really evening. Jonathan and Amy: orange sherbety sleeveless top with pleating all along the shoulders and down the front. There’s a matching belt, and then the top fans out into a peplum. Underneath is black capri leggings. Jonathan’s evening look is a tight brown dress with a pattern cut into it. It’s knee length and has a gathered halter neckline. It looks really good. Emilio and Seth Aaron: black jacket with a high collar and elbow-length sleeves. This is in denim, and jeans too, I guess. We don’t see the top underneath the jacket but it looks mottled pink and black. Also there is a giant hat in red and black plaid. The evening look is a long dark dress with a seam or zipper all up the front. It’s boring except for the part where the skirt is slit and lined with dark mustard yellow.

Jay and Mila, and Amy and Jonathan, are the losers. They must leave. Emilio talks about denim and gold stitching, which looks pretty cool. Heidi loves both pieces. They did seem to work well together, especially where Emilio made Seth Aaron use some color. Nina still has criticism, mostly that there are too many things going on in the jacket. Anthony was sidetracked by the Peking ducks when he went to Chinatown. The day look with the stripes and design was inspired by the buildings. Nina likes the day look but wants more color in the evening look. They all seem to like Maya’s look better. Anthony lets everyone know Maya is bossy, but does it in his Anthony way so everyone smiles and he doesn’t seem like a bitch.

Amy and Jonathan are up first, and she talks about patterns in stone and the wrought iron. They also got along very well. Nina doesn’t think the day look is polished. Heidi thinks it’s ugly. The evening look is a little more sophisticated but it’s also got problems, namely that the front panel with the cut fabrics ends abruptly and the other fabric is dark. So it looks cheap and kind of like it was a mistake. Jay doesn’t say a lot, but Nina then speaks up that she loves Mila’s look and hates Jay’s top. Francisco somehow likes that Jay’s look isn’t perfect. When asked how they worked together, Jay says “We worked…professionally.”

Amy gets too caught up in the technical aspects of her work. Her look was more Lower East Side. It might have been better as a dress. Jonathan overworked his dress. Jay’s pants looked poorly made. And Mila seemed to have taken over. They really don’t have a lot of bad things to say about Mila. All the judges like Anthony’s dress but they really get excited about Maya’s day look. It was subtle but had great design. Seth Aaron’s whole outfit worked, and he and Emilio put some effort into making both outfits relate to each other. But Nina was bored by Emilio’s dress.

Heidi wastes no time in telling Emilio he has won. Seth Aaron has also won. They’re both very pleased. Anthony and Maya are in. Mila and Jonathan are in. Amy is out. She’s proud of herself and is really happy for the experience. Jonathan is in tears too. She points out she was never afraid to take a risk.

Next week: everyone’s dream! Freaking out! “Disco straightjacket”! Would it kill them to give us some kind of vague hint about what the challenge actually is? Clicky clicky

TAR16, Recap Leg 5, 3/14/10

Welcome to Leg 5! Last time, on She‘s Like the Lesbian Aunt I Never Had, teams raced across the Atlantic to Hamburg, Germany. The Intersection came back from the dead to force people to go bungee jumping, but didn’t hurt anyone much. Well, except for Joe’s knee. And Caite and Jordan, who got lost. And then after the Intersection got lost again. Jordan and Jeff came in last but were saved by a non-elimination leg. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Kmanpat is in Hong Kong. I know, right? Perhaps he will take the Star Ferry or possibly visit Victoria Park. So I get to recap while he gallivants around. (Kmanpat: “My bags went to L.A. Does that count?”)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock
2nd – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
3rd – Joe/Heidi, The Asians
4th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
5th – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
6th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
7th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
8th – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother

Indra Club, Hamburg, Germany

While at the Pit Stop, everyone gets on a bus to be taken to an “unknown destination”. Jeff says “I’m almost guaranteeing we are not coming in last this leg.” Joe ices his leg but says other teams will not hinder him. I note these things for foreshadowing purposes.

Les Monthairons, France

9:35 AM Louie/Michael (1st)
Clue: Drive yourselves to Ste. Menehould and find Boulangerie Defontaine. Buy a fresh baguette to receive your next clue.

All they know is that they are southwest of Germany. Michael guesses correctly that they are in France. They also ask a postal worker for directions.

9:55 AM Steve/Allie (2nd)
10:11 AM Joe/Heidi (3rd) - Heidi feels their unconditional love for each other gives them an advantage.
10:36 AM Jet/Cord (4th) - who reveal that teams receive $20 for this leg of the race. Also Cord and Jet believe they are purchasing a “bag-OO-et”, which is some type of pastry. (Auburnium0513: “Aww…the French major in me is crying.”)
10:44 AM Carol/Brandy (5th)
10:57 AM Dan/Jordan (6th) - who celebrate loudly upon discovering the car is an automatic. 11:36 AM Brent/Caite (7th) - Caite says they are doing everything great, except for the part where they like to think they know where they are going, when they don’t.
12:17 PM Jordan/Jeff (8th) - but everyone should look out for them! Dangerous!

Teams arrive at the Boulangerie and purchase bread in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Jet/Cord
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff - after getting lost. Jeff makes my “Big Ben! Parliament!” joke for me. Jordan talks with her mouth full and the Amazing Editors subtitle her with “???????”

Once teams discover that the clue is inside the baguette, they are instructed to drive to La Main de Massiges, which is a WWI battlefield.

Teams arrive at La Main de Massiges in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Dan/Jordan
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Jet/Cord
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff

However, once they arrive, Jordan and Jeff find the Speed Bump.

SPEED BUMP:

A speed bump is a task that must be performed by the last place team on a non-elimination leg. Once they complete this task, they may return to the place where the speed bump occurred and continue the leg. In this speed bump, teams must reinforce a section of the trench using branches. Once an engineer approves of their construction, they will receive their next clue.

(Auburnium0513: “This seems to be the most substantial Speed Bump we’ve seen.”)

Teams complete the Speed Bump in the following order:

1- Jordan/Jeff

Everyone else can proceed directly to the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
In the Trenches OR Under Fire
*In the Trenches: Teams will find a communication station in one of the trenches. Using a field manual, they must translate a message being broadcast in Morse code.
*Under Fire: Teams must crawl 100 yards through a muddy field with barbed wire, to receive a message from a French soldier in a machine gun nest. Then they must crawl back to safety.
In both Detour options, teams will dress as American doughboys. When they receive their message, either from translating or from the French soldier, they will attach it to a homing pigeon, who will deliver the message to headquarters that the war is over. Oh, did I mention there is a battle reenactment going on? So there are explosions and gunfire. Well, fake explosions and fake gunfire, anyway.

1-Louie/Michael choose Under Fire - because they don’t want to deal with Morse code. Good idea since they are unsure who they are supposed to be fighting or even what war it is.
2-Steve/Allie choose Under Fire
3-Joe/Heidi choose Under Fire – because Joe insists he can crawl with his knee. He’s comfortable on all fours.
4-Dan/Jordan choose Under Fire - and Jordan really gets into it with his fake British accent and checking on his “fellow soldiers”.
5-Carol/Brandy choose Under Fire - because Carol feels this Detour is “physical vs. needle in a haystack”. Brandy is not pleased about getting dirty.
6-Jet/Cord choose Under Fire - Will no one brave Morse code? Although, they did take off their cowboy hats.
7-Brent/Caite choose Under Fire - there is a nice cut from Brandy saying “Smart people do Morse code. Dumb people do this” right to Caite and Brent.
8-Jordan/Jeff choose Under Fire

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Dan/Jordan
5- Jet/Cord
6- Carol/Brandy
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are then instructed to head south down the road, where they encounter the U-Turn.

CAUTION: U-TURN AHEAD

This is a U-Turn. Teams may choose to u-turn any team they wish (well, the team has to be behind them), but they may only use the U-Turn once during the race. If a team is u-turned, they must go back to the Detour choices and complete the Detour that they did not complete. This U-Turn is blind, meaning no one will know who is responsible. Phil, during his explanation, does not say how many U-Turns there will be on this race.

1-Louie/Michael choose to U-Turn Joe/Heidi – for the sole reason that Joe is too cocky and “needs to be humbled“. Really? You don’t want to use it to make sure Jeff/Jordan don’t recover? Not what I would have done at all. They also fail to realize that since everyone knows they are in the lead, and Steve and Allie have been with Joe and Heidi, that this really isn’t such a “blind” U-turn.
2-Steve/Allie cannot U-Turn
3-Joe/Heidi have been U-Turned - so they head back to In the Trenches. Heidi doesn’t seem to have a lot of trouble with it, but they don’t get the entire message the first time listening, and then they start having trouble. I feel really bad for them.
4-Jet/Cord cannot U-Turn - but they do pass Dan and Jordan on the road.
5-Dan/Jordan cannot U-Turn - Jordan says he doesn’t like guns. He likes swords.
6-Carol/Brandy cannot U-Turn
7-Brent/Caite cannot U-Turn - although they have decided that “head south down the road” doesn’t necessarily require following the road.
8-Jordan/Jeff cannot U-Turn

Teams find their next clue, which tells them to march to town and find the Church of Massiges.

Teams find the Church of Massiges in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Jet/Cord
4- Dan/Jordan
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Brent/Caite
7- Jordan/Jeff

Teams will now put on “traditional” gear (including fake mustaches) and ride antique bicycles (built over 100 years ago) 4 miles in honor of the inaugural Tour de France. At the end of the course is the PIT STOP of the fifth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to check in MAY be eliminated.

1- Louie/Michael – who each win a 55 inch HDTV.
2- Steve/Allie
3- Jet/Cord - Cord: “This is why I like horses better than bicycles. You don’t have to pedal a horse!”
4- Dan/Jordan - Jordan: “Do I look like Lance Armstrong or do I look like Lance Armstrong?” No.
5- Carol/Brandy -“You take spinning three times a week! You should be kicking my ass at this!”
6- Brent/Caite - who were sixth, but since they did not get their clue at the U-turn stand, they were forced to go back and get it. Luckily for them they are still in 6th place when they return.
7- Jordan/Jeff
8- Joe/Heidi - and Phil has to come to the trenches to get them.

So Joe and Heidi are eliminated. Boo! Phil at least tells them the coded message. Joe is proud of Heidi and Heidi is proud to have Joe.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Louie/Michael
2nd – Steve/Allie
3rd – Jet/Cord
4th – Dan/Jordan
5th – Carol/Brandy
6th – Brent/Caite
7th – Jordan/Jeff

Next week: Brent and Caite break down. And then they break stuff too. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Project Runway 3/11/10--"The Elements of Fashion" summary

Previously on Project Runway: we had our “unusual materials“ challenge. This time everyone went to the hardware store. Jay made trash bags look like leather (really) and he won. Maya made a necklace out of screen and keys that was awesome. Some people got praise for making their outfits look like fabric, and some people got slammed for it. In the end, Jesse’s outfit was boring and not fashionable enough, I guess, so he was eliminated. Even though Emilio made a swimsuit from cord and washers. But he did own it. Oh, and Jesse’s model that no one liked was eliminated. (click for more)

Emilio says he got “spanked” by Heidi and Kors. He is glad to still be in. Maya says some rambling thing about seeing the humanity in people instead of how cool they are. Mila says Maya has an old soul. I have no idea what is going on in that apartment. Jay says the boys are like a Wonderbra. No, really. Everyone is saying really nonsensical things today. There must be something in the coffee. Anthony talks about trusting your viscera, even though he has no idea where his viscera are.

Heidi lets everyone know that there will be no more immunity. Well, Jay has immunity this week. But that’s it. Tim meets everyone on the Atlas roof with the stylist for Garnier. Today they will be going back to nature and will be inspired by earth, air, fire, or water. Why didn’t they do that when there was a multiple of 4? The Garnier guy recites a commercial and then Jay picks air. Everyone else has to draw from a set of cards. Maya and Ben get water, Jonathan and Seth Aaron get air, Mila and Emilio get earth, Amy and Anthony (ha!) get fire.

Ben is making a suit. He is thinking “shark” instead of “water”. Everyone mostly is making gowns. Also most of them are using pencil and paper instead of those fancy electronic sketch pads they got everyone. I would talk more about what people are saying, but as we all know, they’ll all be changing everything. Anthony is not making a red dress, but one in grays and blacks. Interesting.

Seth Aaron is making “midnight air”. So, black with stars. Amy is making interior explosions. They’ll only get today for the challenge. Everybody buckles down to work. Even Anthony is subdued today. Ben talks about making the judges notice him. Actually, he and Jonathan discuss it, which sounds about right because neither of them generally makes either top OR bottom. Ben in particular is getting a ton of screen time so I guess he’s won or is eliminated today. Amy is doing another really creative thing that will either be awesome or hated. The Garnier guy shows up again to do hair consults. These are always just thinly veiled commercials that no one cares about.

Tim time! Jonathan is making his own fabric again. Seth Aaron has some swirling to represent wind. Amy is talking about a bowl? Ben is pretty subtle, which Tim worries about. Mila has some leather and dark wools for earth. Maya is also doing “sea creature” as opposed to “waves”. Interesting. Tim goes but I wanted to see what Anthony was doing. I guess he’s safe.

Model fitting. Jonathan says that he’s not interpreting “air” but something else? It sounds like “last” but I can’t understand him. I guess we’ll find out if he’s top or bottom. Ben’s pants are sort of OK but have an insane crotch. Anthony says that he uses darker colors all the time and in case you didn’t know black is presidential. Jonathan and Mila both don’t get Anthony’s fire = smoke = gray and black. I wish there was one little piece of red somewhere. Everyone freaks out and worries about how much work they have left. They all are pushing the envelope so no one is anywhere near finished. Ben gets to talk and says that he doesn’t have any fabric left so he’s stuck with what he has. When he goes back to the apartment he calls his husband, whom he misses and cries about missing in interview. Aww!

Emilio and Jonathan lie in separate beds and cheer listlessly. Amy talks about being creative and taking risks. In the workroom everyone runs in and runs around. Seth Aaron is just now cutting his pants. Ben has no sleeves or lining in his jacket, and no pants. Jay finishes early and goes to help out Ben. Aww, sweet. Ben is totally going home. Mila hasn’t finished her pants either. Anthony thinks Seth Aaron’s clothes are intimidating to women. People get twigs put in their hair. Amy’s dress isn’t standing up right, and she’s got a big collar bowl that she’s filled with fake hair. Um…OK. Anthony does not understand why Amy’s model has hairy tits. Ben thinks everyone is too ambitious today.

Guest judge today is Roland Mouret, French fashion designer. Maya: gray sheath dress with bracelet length sleeves. The sleeves are wider at the shoulder, but they’re not Kenley mutton sleeves at all. There are some gauzy ruffles on the sleeves too. It’s supposed to be water, and waves, but I feel it would have been better in a more watery color. It’s really short too. The back is a big cowl. Jay: a short baby-doll top in sand and black, one shouldered, and black leggings. Also a turban. The leggings have strips of the sand and gray wrapped around in a spiral. It doesn’t say “air” so much as it says “desert” but it’s supposed to be a tornado so I guess I can see that. Ben: very fitted gray suit, with a cropped jacket and a shell in tan. It does not say “water” at all and doesn’t even say “shark” that loudly. Anthony: strapless dress with a gray bodice and black skirt. The skirt is slim, and the bodice has those folded strips, kind of like his Marie Claire cover dress. I really do wish for a little bit of red somewhere. It’s kind of like smoke, I guess. Also the skirt is slit all the way up to the top of her hip on the side. Mila: dark pants, and a sleeveless jacket that sparkles. I think it is leather. So it’s very much “earth”, minerals and whatnot. Under the jacket is a long-sleeved dark mauve shirt. Jonathan: short cream colored one shouldered dress in what looks like a print, but which he said was several layers of fabric that are cut here and there to reveal the layers underneath. Also there is a fan collar up around her face. I wish it was more flowy to say “air” more, but it is pretty. Amy: black tight pants and top with a very wide collar, which she’s filled with fake hair. It…it looks like the model has a huge rack and they’ve covered it with her hair. It’s pretty low, but Amy says that’s not on purpose. But this model is stomping and every time it shakes the top and I feel like all the hair will fall out and she’ll flash everyone. It isn’t standing up right. You can see Nina peering at it. Also, how is this fire? And why does Amy keep calling it a “gown” when it’s obviously pants? Emilio: green dress, strapless, the skirt has some folding for volume. It’s moss colored and he had “earth”. I’m bored. Seth Aaron: tight, fitted leather jacket, black skirt. Very rocker chick. I’m not sure how this is “air”.

Anthony, Emilio, and Jay are safe. Mila’s outfit is deemed too “normal” by Kors. Nina doesn’t get it, because it’s like it’s another designer? Only the jacket was something you couldn’t buy in a store. I wasn’t expecting they would be bored. They don’t say anything about how you can tell what her inspiration is. Seth Aaron showed air in the sculptural wings and pieces coming off the jacket. They love that he’s consistent and has a style. He’s wrapped metallic denim around her legs to simulate boots. Maya’s dress has a lot of praise for being chic, but Nina is concerned that she’s always drawing from someone else. Maya doesn’t think so, but Roland points out that the minute she puts out a collection and someone says “oh, she’s inspired by so-and-so” that will be the end. Amy wanted “contained chaos” with her hair. They all hate it. This is where the “cat in a baby sling” comment comes in. They ask her to take the hair out and everyone immediately likes it so much better. Nina rolls her eyes that it still is lame, so they have to clarify that it‘s better than it was, but that doesn‘t make it good. Amy is about to cry. They think she just did it to be weird. Up close Ben’s outfit kind of looks last-minute. Kors didn’t get the shark thing, although he does say that her hair and makeup fit. Heidi tells him that if he doesn’t know how to make a suit, he shouldn’t make a suit. The crotch seams are super weird: it looks like she has underwear on. Jonathan starts talking about laughter. Up close his fabric looks like bubbles which is so cool. They love the whole thing.

Maya’s whole look was done well, but Nina wants to see more of Maya. Seth Aaron is a fantastic tailor, and his clothes talk for him. Jonathan’s color was perfect for his fair-skinned model. Ben obviously had never made a suit, and this is a misstep. Amy’s design was too ambitious and she fixated on a bad concept. She’s trying too hard. Mila was super boring. They think if she can’t do black and white color blocking she’s lost.

Seth Aaron is in. Jonathan is the winner. He knows he’s going in the right direction. Maya is in. Mila is in. Heidi slams Amy and Ben a lot and then says Amy is in. Aww! I want to give him a hug. He cries and everyone gives him a hug and he promises to still be around.

Next week: go out into the city in pairs. Emilio prays not to be stuck with Mila so I’m sure that’s who he’s stuck with. I think this is the “be inspired by random stuff on the street” challenge.



Clicky clicky

TAR16, Recap Leg 4, 3/7/10

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Haybale Cows and Wooden Horses Do Not a Gaucho Make, teams raced across the Andes to Bariloche, Argentina. The lesbians antagonize the cowboys, who only let that play into their second first place finish. The lesbians, on the other hand, bicker and have a rough leg all around. But not as rough as the Claire Huxtables, who find themselves eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
2nd – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
3rd – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
4th – Joe/Heidi, The Asians
5th – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother
6th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
7th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
8th – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock

Estancia Fortin Chacabuco, Bariloche, Argentina

10:57 PM Jet/Cord (1st)
Clue: Fly 8000 miles to Frankfurt, Germany! Once there, teams board a train to Hamburg. In Hamburg, find Jungfernsteig St. to get your next clue.

Jet and Cord find their way to a travel agent, and find out that everyone will probably be on the same flight out of Bariloche. And he is right. So we skip all of the airport drama (YAY!) and find out the flight patterns:

Flight 1, Buenos Aires to Paris to Frankfurt, arrives 2:35 pm
1) Jet/Cord
2) Louie/Michael – although, I would like to know how this happened, even with the bunching. But they are hopeful that this leg will be better.

Flight 2, Buenos Aires to Frankfurt, arrives 3:00 pm
1) Carol/Brandy – Brandy – “The word of the day is RESPECT.” (Auburnium0513: “The word for the day? What is this, Sesame Street? This episode of TAR is brought to you by the number 2, the letter I and the word 'respect.'”)
2) Dan/Jordan – Dan laments on how he hates travel and is only doing this for Jordan since it is his dream to complete the race. (Auburnium0513: “'I hate to travel, so I'm going to run the Amazing Race!' How stupid is that?”)

Flight 3, Buenos Aires to São Paolo to Frankfurt, arrives 3:40 pm
1) Joe/Heidi
2) Steve/Allie
3) Brent/Caite
4) Jordan/Jeff

I have a question. Having been to Germany, I know that Frankfurt is in the southwest. And Hamburg is north central, much closer to Berlin. I also know that even though Frankfurt has the bigger airport, going to Berlin would have made a ton more sense. But why are we going to southwest Germany only to end up in the north? I’m confused. Anyway, all teams arrive in Frankfurt Airport and get themselves to the trains to Hamburg:

Train 1, departs 3:37 pm
1) Jet/Cord
2) Louie/Michael

Train 2
1) Carol/Brandy – who just missed the first train by seconds with. . .
2) Dan/Jordan – (Toyouke: “Ah, running for transportation.” Auburnium0513: “That tight plane to train connection is causing me flashbacks to my experience in Charles de Gaulle where I missed my train by 30 seconds because I chose the wrong set of stairs. At least for me it was just dinner plans on the line, not $1 million.”)
3) Brent/Caite
4) Steve/Allie
5) Joe/Heidi
6) Jordan/Jeff

Thus, teams arrive at the Jungfernsteigstrasse Clue Box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Louie/Michael
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Carol/Brandy
5- Steve/Allie
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Jordan/Jeff
8- Brent/Caite

Now, all sorts of things happen. First, teams arrive at an Intersection. An Intersection is a route marker where teams must join forces with another team of their choice, regardless of arrival order, and must complete any tasks with them until told to split up.

Teams join forces in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord & Louie/Michael
2- Joe/Heidi & Steve/Allie – while Joe gets on some kick of them all being family people or something. I feel like this was a backhanded lesbian diss.
3- Carol/Brandy & Dan/Jordan – and Dan talks about the awesomeness that is Carol. (Toyouke: “Why isn't the episode title 'She's Like the Lesbian Aunt I Never Had'?”)
4- Jordan/Jeff & Brent/Caite –Brent: “I think Caite should do this; she’s good with directions." (Toyouke: “Did you really just say Miss The Iraq was good at directions?”)

And teams come to the fourth roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to reach new heights?
In this roadblock, one team member from each of the joined teams must race together on the train to Hamburg Harbor and perform a 150 foot tandem bungee in order to get their next clue. Noncompeting members must remain at the route marker.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Jet & Michael – Operator: “You’re going to lose your hat.” Jet: “No I’m not.” And he doesn’t. IS there anything he can’t do? (Toyouke: “Well, damn. 'A real cowboy's hat never comes off.' Never? Can we test that?” Kmanpat: “Ooh!” Toyouke: “And by we, I mean me.” Kmanpat: “Aw. . .”)
2- Joe & Allie – and Joe’s knee pops on the bungee. Not good for later.
3- Brandy & Dan – Brandy: “We went on a bungee to build confidence before the race. And I never, never, never, never, never wanted to do it again.” (Toyouke: “'It's upside down'?? Do you not understand the concept of bungee jumping?”) And Dan was SO awesome encouraging Brandy!
4- Jordan & Caite – who get on the UBahn going the wrong direction. (Toyouke: “I hope this blonde alliance provides some entertainment. I can't imagine the Hamburg subway system is that useless. Don't you know how to read a map? Oh wait...” Auburnium0513: “Caite, the map won't tell you the direction of the train, the sign on the platform does!”)

After much bungee, Roadblockers complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jet & Michael
2- Joe & Allie
3- Brandy & Dan
4- Jordan & Caite

Teams are then instructed to return to their teammates at the clue box and rejoin them. Teams arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord & Louie/Michael
2- Joe/Heidi & Steve/Allie
3- Carol/Brandy & Dan/Jordan
4- Jordan/Jeff & Brent/Caite

Teams then open up their Roadblock clue, which tells them to resume racing separately. It then tells them to travel to the Kaiser Wilhelm statue at the Rathaus. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Jet/Cord
3- Steve/Allie
4- Joe/Heidi
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Brent/Caite
7- Dan/Jordan
8- Carol/Brandy

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Soccer OR Sauerkraut
*Soccer: Teams must travel to a 100 year old soccer stadium, dress in soccer uniforms and kick five penalty kicks through targets on a goal. Once completed, the referee will give them their next clue.
*Sauerkraut: Teams must travel to a local restaurant and eat a plate of sauerkraut while listening to a band play the “Sauerkraut Polka”. Teams must finish their food by the time the music ends, or be presented with another full plate. Once complete, the server hands them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Soccer is a German tradition?” Auburnium0513: “I was wondering how long the Sauerkraut Polka was, so I googled, and it seems to be about 2 minutes long.”)

1-Louie/Michael choose Sauerkraut
2-Steve/Allie choose Soccer
3-Joe/Heidi choose Soccer – but Joe’s knees give out and they Bald Snark to Sauerkraut.
4-Jet/Cord choose Soccer – and they complete yet another task that neither of them has ever done. Cord: “Hey, Jet, nice pair of balls you got there!” (Auburnium0513: “Kmanpat, please tell me what you thought when the cowboys talked about getting their balls!” Kmanpat: “Well, Cord, I could say . . .” Toyouke: “And you’re done. NOW.”)
5-Carol/Brandy choose Sauerkraut
6-Dan/Jordan choose Soccer
7-Jordan/Jeff choose Sauerkraut – but can’t get through a full plate in the time limit, so they Bald Snark to Soccer, after leaving the city of Hamburg in their cab. (Auburnium0513: “Hamburg PLACE and Hamburg PALACE are two very different places I'd imagine.” Toyouke: “'Is this the hamburger place?' Jeez.”) Jordan: “Oh, we have to kick through the targets?” (Toyouke: “There are targets mounted in the goal. How did you imagine you didn't have to kick through them?”)
8-Brent/Caite choose Soccer – because Caite has played soccer since age 5. But she gets an awful case of shin splints just as she tries to show off. (Toyouke: “I used to play soccer, and I could kick pretty far, but I never really was able to aim well enough to hit a target.”) Caite: “I still got three goals.” (Toyouke: “He had to help me out but I still beat him.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Jet/Cord
4- Joe/Heidi
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are then instructed to make their way to the Haifisch Bar to get their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael
2- Steve/Allie
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Jet/Cord
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff

Teams are then instructed to drink a boot of beer. Once the boot mug has been completed, the bar maid will give them their next clue.

Teams finish the beer in the following order:

1- Louie/Michael – except Michael doesn’t really drink. (Toyouke: "How does Michael not drink beer?”)
2- Steve/Allie – Steve: “Dad needs a beer!” (Toyouke: “That is the most personality I have seen from Steve and Allie all season.”)
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Jet/Cord –Jet: “I never want another beer in my life.” (Toyouke: “Aww! Cowboys should be able to drink beer.” Auburnium0513: “How can the cowboys never have drank a beer?”)
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite – after Brent throws up most of it.
8- Jordan/Jeff – Jordan: “When I saw that we had to drink beer I knew we were good! Because Jeff likes to DRINK beer.” Thanks for the insight, dear.

Teams get their clue and find that they must now make their way to Beatleplatz, a plaza in the the red light district that is set up in honor of the Beatles. Jet: “Well, we’re no longer in the Bible Belt.” Once their teams find the Indra Club, the PIT STOP of the fourth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Louie/Michael – who each win a $5000 gift card from Discover. NICE.
2- Steve/Allie
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Jet/Cord
5- Carol/Brandy
6- Dan/Jordan – Dan: “Are we in the red light district?” Jordan: “Hell yeah, and I’m drunk.” (Toyouke: “Of course boy-Jordan is drunk.”)
7- Brent/Caite
8- Jordan/Jeff

And Jordan and Jeff are the last team to arrive. YAY! But this is the first of three non-elimination legs and you are still in the race. BOO! But, there will be a Speed Bump on the next leg, so that may slow you down. Lovely.

(Toyouke: “Now I am irritated that we could have gotten rid of an annoying team. EVERY TIME.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Louie/Michael
2nd – Steve/Allie
3rd – Joe/Heidi
4th – Jet/Cord
5th – Carol/Brandy
6th – Dan/Jordan
7th – Brent/Caite
8th – Jordan/Jeff

Next week: Teams get immersed in World War I. Excellent. And there is a U-Turn. Ooh, and a Speed Bump? Harsh. Until next time!


Clicky clicky

Project Runway 3/4/10--"Hard Wear" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers had to make clothes for small children and then also clothes for their “mommies”. That includes imagining what little girls want to wear. This was easier for some than for others. Seth Aaron won, mostly I think because the coat he made for the adult was awesome. Amy made really crazy pants with overlapping circular petals, but that was at least interesting, as opposed to Janeane’s boring clothes so Amy got to stay while Janeane went home. (click for more)

Morning in the boys’ apartment. No one is shirtless. Anthony throws things at Jay, who seems very confident. Mila is sad so many women have gone home, but is “empowered” that she’s one of the three women left. “Empowered” is not the word I would use, but OK.

Heidi reminds everyone that Seth Aaron has immunity and then sends them on a field trip to meet Tim and “one of America’s favorite designers”, who will give them “all of the tools” they will need. I put that part in quotes because I know what is coming.

The field trip is to Kors’ store in SoHo. BLAH. Wait, I take it back. Kors has a plus-size line at Nordstrom’s and it looks pretty good, so I am not opposed to him. But that was still lame. They must think unconventionally and outside the box. They will be shopping at…wait for it…a hardware store. I really wanted him to give some random name, and everyone be all fake excited, until one of them is like, “Hey! They don’t sell fabric there!” I think that would be more entertaining. I do love the “unconventional materials” challenge. Emilio doesn’t make “crafty” things. Wah. They must make an outfit and also an accessory. Hee. Those better be awesome.
The hardware store they end up in is pretty big. They get $150. Jesse is worried about the budget. Maya is excited because she’s done something like this before. Emilio is over budget so he has to leave half of his stuff behind. I think everyone else makes it.

This week’s winner will have immunity. Oo, I hope Seth Aaron does some really crazy whack-a-doo thing. Jay is making pants with trash bags. Jesse hopes someone else fails, but “not in a mean way”. Yeah. Maya is making a giant necklace. Anthony wants to make things airy. Jonathan shares with us that it’s a pain in the ass to not have fabric to work with. Duh. Each of these is an interview, then cut to Seth Aaron hammering sheets of metal to conform to his dress form, then cut to another interview. Hee. Emilio wants to make some macramé with washers, because he feels metal bodices have been done. Jesse jokes that there are stripper costumes and spacesuits in the workroom. Seth Aaron makes a macramé comment, and Emilio does not take it well and tells him to shut it. Seth Aaron pretends to have been saying it nicely but no one is buying it. Ben has cut up his hands on his copper. Mila is color blocking black and white. Feh. All of a sudden everyone starts hammering at the same time and Emilio looks like he wants to stab himself in the eye. Or maybe stab others in the eye. Jesse bought mesh but it’s sticky so he’s irritated. Jay is trying to make his trash bags like leather. He’s interviewing about how he has wanted this since he was little so that’s not promising. Although, you know Kors and Nina have seen too many garbage bag dresses already. So it’s not a total shocker. Oh, no, he’s starting to cry about his family. Now I feel bad. Ben sews through copper flashing. I know Jesse is hot but Ben is quietly hot and also not a jerk. Sigh. I’ll take care of your cut-up hands, Ben. Maya has some cord that she hopes she can sew.

Tim time! He feels like he’s in the “Arms and Armor” wing of the Met. Mila is making black and white and a sign for a cuff. I’m not sure what the sign says. Jesse claims to be thinking “Elizabethan” but Tim interrupts him to say “Elizabethan mini?” Hee. Then he says it looks like a school project. Elementary school. Haha. Tim doesn’t understand why the boys bought copper. Jesse starts talking about “hand seaming” but Tim is like, you can’t tell, it sucks, costume. Emilio can’t describe his outfit but knows it might be too short. Anthony isn’t happy with his skirt and Tim agrees. Jay does seem to have disguised his garbage bag pants so they look like leather, but they’re shrinking as he makes them so they might not fit. Maya has a very cool necklace out of keys and screen, and a collar of stiff cords. I really want that necklace.

The models come in. Jonathan describes his design as “Veronica Lake meets C3PO”. I see. He’s making a clutch but it might not get done. Jay’s model can’t even get the pants over her feet. Emilio is realizing his washers won’t cover his 6 foot tall model. Bathing suit time! Nothing beats Wendy Pepper’s candy bikini, though. Jay cuts new strips to make the pants bigger. He’s braiding a belt. Jesse wants to be different so he’s painting his copper. So he’s special.

Seth Aaron is super excited for this show. The girls wish for fabric. Jesse is glad that at least they are all crazy together. Emilio breaks it to his model that she’ll now be wearing a bikini. Amy’s made her dress out of sandpaper, on her African-American model. It looks really cool. Jay sews his model in and realizes that she can’t remove the pants until after judging. Emilio has made a bikini bottom with cord and washers, but the washers are so heavy that it won’t stay on. Anthony says “making a woman look like a lady” never goes out of style and Emilio has taste issues. Jonathan’s dress is a little big but he doesn’t want it so tight it cuts his model. Emilio says the whole thing is so huge and over-the-top but if he’s going to jump off the cliff, he’s going to do it full throttle. Nice.

Guest judges are Isabel Toledo (she made that chartreuse dress Michelle Obama wore to the inauguration) and Stephen Webster, jewelry designer. Mila: black and white dress made from plastic. The bodice is mostly white, and the skirt is black and white overlapping squares. They don’t say what it’s made out of, which is DAMN ANNOYING. Sigh. Also I’m not sure what her accessory is. I mean, she said she was making a cuff, but they don’t make a point of showing it. Jesse: silver-painted copper bodice, with a voluminous bubble skirt. The bodice is fitted, but either because his model is walking with her hands on her hips, or the cut is weird, her shoulders look huge. I think he made a hairpiece, which from this distance just looks like a triangle of tin foil. Jonathan: halter dress in different shades of brown (I think it’s all copper) that is fitted. It moves pretty well but is short and slit up to there. There is a clutch. Anthony: purple fitted dress with a keyhole in the front and a mesh overlay. I’m not sure where the purple came from. There is a leaf design on the skirt, and a wide silver belt. It looks like real clothes. Ben: hammered copper sheath. It’s not fitted to her, but that was on purpose. Emilio: hot pink and silver bikini made from cord and washers. Oh, man…who knows what they think. It looks like he didn’t have quite enough for a dress, but too much for a bikini, because the washers come up above her navel. Also the backside is pretty skimpy. Jay: very tight pants and a strapless top that has ruffles. It’s striped but maybe it’s trash bags too? The pants look good. Seth Aaron: hammered metal bodice and A-line skirt. It looks like tin foil. There a big cuff on one arm. I…wanted crazier. Amy: very cute dress made from sandpaper. The skirt is all black, and the top has polka dots and ruffles. It’s lopsided so she has a titscrepancy but it’s pretty cute otherwise. Maya: fitted gray sheath and a “jacket” made from cord that is a very loose mesh? You know those black open mesh shoes that are like a cage for your feet? That’s what the jacket reminds me of. And that awesome necklace.

Ben, Jonathan, Amy, and Seth Aaron are safe. Mila used paint tray liners to make her dress. That’s where the ridges come from. They love it, and also the cuff since it has words. Emilio has to defend himself, and his look has all these strings hanging off it when you look up close. Oh, Emilio. Nina is like, why didn’t you make clothes? She knows he went with it, but Kors calls it a cheese-fest. Isabel praises him for putting thought into not making a dress, and Kors and Heidi exchange looks that say “We all know he didn’t have enough for a dress.” Anthony made his dress out of mesh, but they don’t let him say what the purple is. Kors calls it a bad prom dress. Nina thinks he spent too much time making it pretty. Maya made her dress out of screen. Everyone loves the whole head-to-toe look. It doesn’t look like a hardware store buy. So…Anthony gets slammed for “going to the software store” but Maya gets praise for disguising her stuff? That just seems contradictory to me. Jesse gets praise for his headband but his dress is called both “Tin Man” and “Hershey’s kiss”. The back is all cattywampus but that’s the part Kors loves, apparently. Jay used masking tape for the stripes. The belt does look good too. He fooled Kors. So that’s saying a lot.

Mila thought through the challenge and used a difficult material. Jay’s outfit could be worn in public and is luxurious. Maya’s necklace was the best accessory, plus her outfit was fashion forward. Emilio might have gotten away with pretending to not want to make a dress, but only if he had made something successful. No taste. Nina (!) didn’t think it was so bad. Everyone hates on Jesse. Now it is a dirty vacuum bag. Anthony was boring. So apparently if you make it look like real fabric, it better be fashionable and not boring. Or you can use plastic paint trays and be crazy.

Maya is in. Jay is the winner. So I guess that is what the editing was for. Nice fakeout. Jay flips out and dances around and gets pretty cocky. Mila is in. Anthony is in. Jesse is out. So there’s your difference between Bravo and Lifetime: Bravo would have made damn sure they had some shirtless screen time before he got eliminated. I know I sound like a lecher but you were all thinking it. He’s pissed and thinks he shouldn’t have been eliminated. Tim says he didn’t think he should be out either. Oo, who’s going to take his model? None of the other girls like her.

Next week: everyone is worried and someone makes a cat in a baby sling. That’s about all I can tell. Clicky clicky

TAR16, Recap Leg 3, 2/28/10

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on The Leg of Much Traveling to Go Nowhere, teams raced around Chile to Puerto Varas. Jet and Cord, the cowboys, found themselves a way to get a faster bus ahead of everyone else, catapulting them into first place and eliminating the grandma. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
2nd – Joe/Heidi, The Asians
3rd – Carol/Brandy, The Lesbians
4th – Brent/Caite, Team Like The Iraq Such As
5th – Monique/Shawne, Team Claire Huxtable
6th – Jordan/Jeff, Team Big Brother
7th – Steve/Allie, Team World Series
8th – Dan/Jordan, Team I Love You Bro!
9th – Louie/Michael, Team Sherlock

Gruta de la Virgen, Puerto Varas, Chile

11:20 PM Jet/Cord (1st)
Clue: Take one of two busses from Del Salvador Bus Depot to San Carlos de Bariloche, Argentina. At the end of the six hour bus ride, drive selves to El Boliche Viejo, the bar where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid hid out, and play “Gnome in the Wall” against the Travelocity Gnome by winning a hand of five card stud poker to get the gnome and the next clue.

(Toyouke: “Stupid gnome.”)

11:55 PM Joe/Heidi (2nd)
11:55 PM Carol/Brandy (3rd)
1:22 AM Monique/Shawne (4th)
2:01 AM Jordan/Jeff (5th)
2:23 AM Steve/Allie (6th)
2:25 AM Dan/Jordan (7th)
3:12 AM Louie/Michael (8th)
4:25 AM Brent/Caite (9th) – who were actually scheduled to depart at 1:20, but both were horribly dehydrated and took themselves to the emergency room in order to be healthy enough to continue racing. (Toyouke: “It's unusual for sickness, isn't it? I mean, injuries are common but sickness is not.” Kmanpat: “In my experience, no team has ever been shown going to the hospital.”)

So, all teams arrive at Del Salvador and get the following busses to Bariloche:

8:30 AM Departure
1) Jet/Cord
2) Joe/Heidi
3) Carol/Brandy – who pass the time trying to talk to the cowboys about how they were sneaky about their bus, when the boys just want to say howdy. (Toyouke: “You can't play dirty like that and then be irritated when people just want to know how you played dirty. Although you know you and I would be happy to chit chat all day long.”)


8:50 AM Departure
1) Monique/Shawne
2) Jordan/Jeff
3) Steve/Allie
4) Dan/Jordan
5) Louie/Michael
6) Brent/Caite

So, teams arrive in Bariloche in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord – in a clever move, since they are being followed, the cowboys pull over to “navigate”. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone avoid being followed before. . .
2- Joe/Heidi
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Jordan/Jeff
5- Steve/Allie
6- Louie/Michael
7- Monique/Shawne
8- Brent/Caite
9- Dan/Jordan – Dan does not drive stick. GREAT. (Toyouke: “Sigh...the stick shift thwarts the same team. I bet Jordan knows how to drive stick, if you know what I mean.” Kmanpat: “If he and I were racing together, I’d let him drive stick.”)

Teams drive themselves to El Boliche Viejo. So teams arrive at the saloon in the following order:

1- Joe/Heidi
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Jet/Cord
4- Jordan/Jeff
5- Steve/Allie
6- Monique/Shawne
7- Louie/Michael
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Brent/Caite – who can’t navigate their way out of a paper bag.

Teams then play poker against the gnome. Cord: “He has some poker face.” The teams win and get their gnome clue in the following order:

1- Joe/Heidi
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Jet/Cord
4- Jordan/Jeff
5- Steve/Allie
6- Monique/Shawne
7- Louie/Michael
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Brent/Caite

Teams are then instructed to travel by foot to Peña Gaucha. Teams race there and arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Joe/Heidi
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Jet/Cord
4- Jordan/Jeff
5- Steve/Allie
6- Monique/Shawne
7- Louie/Michael
8- Dan/Jordan
9- Brent/Caite

And teams come to the third roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to get roped into something?
In this roadblock, one team member must choose a lasso and rope a cow shaped target 18 feet away. Once the target is roped, teams pull the fake cow towards them to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “HAHA this is better than when they were in China and the challenge was to speak Mandarin and Victor and his sister were there.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Heidi
2- Carol
3- Jet – who misses on the first try. Way to rope ‘em, cowboy.
4- Jeff
5- Steve
6- Louie
7- Shawne
8- Dan
9- Brent

After much lassoing, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Joe/Heidi
4- Jordan/Jeff
5- Steve/Allie
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Louie/Michael
8- Brent/Caite
9- Monique/Shawne – Shawne has major trouble. So they pray. And she lassoes it. (Toyouke: “Was God feeling generous or something?”)

Teams are then instructed to drive themselves to Puente Nirihuau and search the cliffs for their next clue. Teams arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Carol/Brandy
3- Jordan/Jeff
4- Joe/Heidi
5- Steve/Allie
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Louie/Michael
8- Brent/Caite
9- Monique/Shawne

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Horse Sense OR Horse Power
*Horse Sense: Teams must visit a nearby gunslinger and get a set of coordinates. Then, teams find the compass and pace out the coordinates in the directions indicated by the compass to find a bag of money (With their coordinates on it). Teams then take the bag to the train station where the head bandit will give them a gold coin with their next clue.
*Horse Power: Teams must walk to the polo field and don appropriate apparel. Teams then choose a wooden horse and alternate hits to smack a polo ball through a goal. Teams must accomplish their goal in nine hits or less, otherwise they must start over. Teams that complete the challenge get a trophy with their next clue.

(Toyouke: “What, they couldn't find them real horses to ride? Does their insurance not cover it or something? Fake horses makes this super lame.”)

1-Jet/Cord choose Horse Power
2-Carol/Brandy choose Horse Sense –and, in the first Bald Snark of the season, switch tasks when the going gets tough and more to Horse Power.
3-Jordan/Jeff choose Horse Sense – but can’t seem to find their bag or the head bandit at the train station that they never visit. (Toyouke: “No Loser Gong for thinking the gunslinger is the head bandit? The Graphic of Stupid was so awesome. ‘This is why you are wrong and also dumb.’”) So, the detectives accidently find their bag for them. (Auburnium0513: “It seems like reading is not the strong suit of teams on this race.”)
4-Joe/Heidi choose Horse Sense – and Bald Snark to Horse Power. And then Joe falls off his high horse. Twice.
5-Steve/Allie choose Horse Power
6-Dan/Jordan choose Horse Sense – and Bald Snark to Horse Power, only to not complete the task twice before the other teams all show up.
7-Louie/Michael choose Horse Sense – and Bald Snark to Horse Power.
8-Brent/Caite choose Horse Power
9-Monique/Shawne choose Horse Power – and Bald Snark to Horse Sense when their backs start to give out from moving the horse.

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Jet/Cord
2- Steve/Allie
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Joe/Heidi
5- Jordan/Jeff
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite
8- Louie/Michael
9- Monique/Shawne

Teams get their clue and find that they must now drive themselves to Estancia Fortin Chacabuco, a sheep ranch in Bariloche, the PIT STOP of the third leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Jet/Cord – who win a trip for two to Patagonia (Toyouke: “I don't think they know where Patagonia is.”), which they’ve just spent a week traipsing through. Phil: “How are you racing with your belt buckles?” Cord: “They’re keeping our pants up.” Jet: “We’d be slower with our pants around our ankles.”
2- Steve/Allie
3- Carol/Brandy
4- Joe/Heidi
5- Jordan/Jeff – (Auburnium0513: “Ah, he can read! And he admitted that they shouldn't spawn!”)
6- Dan/Jordan
7- Brent/Caite
8- Louie/Michael
9- Monique/Shawne


And Monique and Shawne are eliminated. But they never gave up! Ugh, so hackneyed.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jet/Cord
2nd – Steve/Allie
3rd – Carol/Brandy
4th – Joe/Heidi
5th – Jordan/Jeff
6th – Dan/Jordan
7th – Louie/Michael

Next week: We are off to Germany, where the cowboys drink. A lot. And we see a task that hasn’t occurred in five seasons: the Intersection! Until next time! Clicky clicky