Top Chef:All Stars 3/16/11--"Island Fever" summary

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: the finalists went to the Bahamas and battled the people who won their seasons. It wasn’t that exciting. Then everyone was told they were making dinner for “royalty” but instead of actual royalty it was the King of Junkanoo. Oops. Then someone set the deep fryer on fire and they had to start their dishes over from scratch. Fun stuff. Mike won, and I guess he’s become a better cook but he’s still been a huge jerk. Carla second-guessed herself, again, and was sent home because her pork was raw. Sad times. (click for more)

Everyone’s sad to see Carla go, because everyone loves Carla. Antonia reminds us she was in the final 4 in her season, and she’s still figuring out what she’s doing. Mike brags that he’s on track.
At the hotel, someone says “let’s go see what’s in store”. Someone else says “probably cooking with not enough time or equipment.” Indeed.

Lorena Garcia is waiting for the contestants with Padma. I’ve been watching her on “Next Best Restaurant”, or whatever it’s called. See, and then Padma plugs the show. For the Quickfire, they must be consistent. Like a real chef, who has to make the same dish over and over again. They must divide themselves in pairs (Mike refuses to be paired with Antonia “The Black Hammer”) and serve 100 identical dishes in 1 hour. Padma and Lorena will randomly pick numbers to see what particular plate they get served.

The girls vs. the boys. Mike brags. Shut up, Mike. The boys are making pasta from scratch and pork. Richard says he’s been winning Quickfires and wants to win this one for momentum and intimidation. The girls are making seared beef tenderloin salad. Tiffany says they’re cooking everything in one batch so it will all taste the same. She is already starting to plate. Richard rolls his eyes at the girls and their “slice and serve” dish. I hope he and Mike are screwing themselves with their bragging. Antonia insists her plating is more difficult than the boys. They seem to have several components.

Richard and Mike: pork Bolognese with fresh macaroni and pecorino cheese. The plates look similar to each other. The pasta is good. Antonia and Tiffany: beef tenderloin salad with cilantro, mint, basil and chimichurri sauce. Their plates also look similar. Lorena praises their meat slicing. Mike says something, shut up Mike. It IS possible to express your confidence in your own food without rolling your eyes at everyone else’s food.

Lorena praises everyone, and then says that the winners are Tiffany and Antonia. Awesome. Antonia calls the boys “sour grapes salty losers”. Hee. They each get $5000.

For the Elimination challenge, the contestants will be making lunch for the yacht club. The theme for the party is “Deserted Island”. Which is where they are cooking. Richard thinks they will have nothing. But no, they will have to have to cook conch, so they‘ll at least have that. Mike complains that conch is difficult to work with, even though of course he’s been practicing with it.
In the morning, the boys primp. Richard says something about growing a beard in preparation for the finale. It‘s kind of scraggly, dude. Mike also is ready to go. Tiffany feels she can do anything. Antonia does not get a sound bite.

The contestants find Padma in a bikini top on a boat. Mike leers in a disgusting manner. Their time will start when their feet hit the beach on their deserted island. All they know is that they will have to use conch. Once they approach the island, it’s clear they’re probably cooking on the beach.

3 ½ hours to cook. On the beach are some crates with great fresh products, lobster, fish…and a crate labeled “Conch” which contains snorkels and fins. Ha! They have to go diving for their own conch. The boys strip off their shirts, with Richard interviewing the deep thought of “I don’t want to see Mike Isabella topless. And you don’t either.” True fact. So it looks like you can just dive down and the conch are just sitting around on the sand. Is that how it really is? Or did the producers plant them? Whatever, it’s entertaining to watch. The girls are pretty good at surface diving, although Richard is failing. He can’t get deep enough. Tiffany gives up on her snorkel and just holds her breath. Mike somehow gets a net full. Each chef has a wood grill and a table, and that‘s pretty much it. Antonia thinks everything will have sand in it. Apparently getting conch out of the shells involves a small pickaxe. Scary! Mike is boiling them first, he says that helps. Tiffany has never worked with conch. Uh oh. She’s behind time-wise. Antonia is going for conch tartare, I think, as is Tiffany. Tiffany has given herself the extra challenge of fresh coconut. Mike is using the conch as sauce, for grouper and pineapple. Richard is making noodles out of sweet potatoes. Suddenly everyone finds their chef’s jackets and puts them on over their swimsuits and shorts. Mike claims that he doesn’t pay attention to what everyone else is doing because he doesn’t care, and then promptly talks about Antonia‘s food and how it‘s not up to his food. Richard does not want to choke. Again. Everyone has trouble with the wood grills, I think. Mike says he is not having trouble but he complained his butter wasn’t melting. The guests are arriving and Antonia’s fire has gone out, or is about to. The yacht club told everyone to wear white to their party so they all match. Boo. Tiffany likes dishes with two different temperatures. Richard tells everyone he loves them, and then interviews to us that he hates whatever he does as soon as it’s on the plate. He hasn’t made anything “tropical”; he says it’s Hamptons instead.

Richard: sweet potato linguine with conch and spiny lobster. Lorena’s lobster is undercooked. Richard’s sweet potato is so much like pasta he fools Tom. Seriously? That’s pretty impressive. Tom says something about making pasta and Gail has to point out to him that it’s just raw sweet potato because hers was a little crunchy. Antonia gets her fire lit finally and hopes she was successful. Antonia: seared red snapper with conch tartare and lobster nage. Nage is sauce I think. The conch is very spicy. Lorena loves it, as do the guests, although Gail finds it spicy. Tom points out that the conch is cut up so small you can’t tell it’s there. Plus some fish is overcooked and some is undercooked. Tiffany is getting nervous because everyone is crowding her. She discovers she has finished plating with a couple of minutes left, and she’s concerned the flavors will be different. Tiffany: conch and coconut chowder with sweet potatoes and conch ceviche. The chowder is cold, which I’m pretty sure it was not supposed to be. Tom’s not impressed, but some of the guests like the flavors. Mike compares his dish to Elia’s, because of course HIS leaf-wrapped fish is far more sophisticated and better. Mike: banana leaf wrapped grouper, braised pineapple and conch vinaigrette. The fish is overwhelmed by the other flavors, and Tom doesn’t like the butter. Gail is impressed by his risk-taking. Richard says if he doesn’t win he’ll be devastated. Really? If you don’t win? If you still make it to the finals but aren‘t praised as the winner that‘s a horrible outcome?

Commercial interlude: for some reason “Gilligan’s Island” comes up. Mike is the Skipper, Richard is the Professor, and Mike thinks Tiffany is Ginger because “she kind of reminds me of a Ginger”. Whatever. Tiffany just rolls her eyes at the whole thing.

Oh look, a commercial for “Marcel’s Quantum Kitchen”. Shut up, Marcel.

The chefs sit around and talk about their dishes, and no one seems particularly confident. Tom starts by telling them that there was not one grain of sand in any of the dishes. Nicely done. Antonia had a good balance of sweetness and spiciness, and she says she was working to feel more “island-like”, for lack of a better term. Tom points out the problems he saw during service, the inconsistent cooking and the conch cut too small, and then Padma says Antonia’s dish was the most predictable and conventional in terms of presentation. Antonia says that’s a complement for her, because she wants them to be able to look at a plate and know it’s hers. Richard immediately says he hopes he’s showing uniqueness. Tom praises him for fooling him with the sweet potato pasta. He didn’t use “island” ingredients, but it worked anyway. But the lobster was undercooked. Tiffany says everything made sense to her today. They liked the idea, and the combinations of the ingredients, but the chowder was supposed to be hot and she admits it. Tom thinks it was a little sweet. Mike says he braised the pineapple in curry mix, I think, and Gail loved it. Tom did too, but he did not like the butter in the dish.

Mike thinks he had a good dish, but now he’s not so sure. All the dishes did what they were supposed to, in using the conch. Richard’s dish made a good connection between where he’s from and where he is now, and they really liked the sweet potato, but there is the random raw lobster. Antonia’s conch had the least impact, but it was very well done considering the conditions and Gail says there’s something to be said for pleasing your customers. The whole table liked it. They know Tiffany had a great idea, but the fact that it was too cold changed the entire dish. Tom doesn’t even understand why she was going to put cold ceviche on hot chowder. Gail loved Mike’s flavor combination, but the butter was really unnecessary.

Tom says it was very hard to pick a winner, but one person showcased the conch in a really unique way, and that is Mike. Ugh. Whatever. The choice of loser was also very hard, but one dish was just a bit less successful. And that dish is Tiffany’s. Oo. She says she was out cooked, bottom line. Aww, she’s upset. She is self taught and hasn’t cooked for any big-name chefs. She’s going to keep going because you will get further than you were before.

Next week: famous chefs’ “last supper”, something is rancid, Mike is still an arrogant jerk, something about an envelope.

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TAR18, Recap Leg 4, 3/13/11

Welcome to Leg 4! Last time, on Tokyo to the Limit, teams raced from Australia to Japan. The Cheerios hit someone, so they ended up in last for most of the leg. However, thanks to Mel and Mike being unable to find things in the dark and seem to find a way to get hypothermia, they end up in last place and are eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
2nd – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
3rd – Ron/Christina, Team Asian
4th – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
6th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
7th – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
8th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
9th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerios

Commodore Perry Monument, Yokosuka, Japan

8:44 PM Zev/Justin (1st)
Clue: Fly 2700 miles to Li Jiang China! Once there, teams should make their way to Jade Dragon Mountain to get there next clue. Due to limited flights, teams are to take the purchased flight to Kunming, China, and then decide how to proceed to Li Jiang.

9:29 PM Gary/Mallory (2nd)
9:38 PM Ron/Christina (3rd) – who comment on how they’ve been to Li Jiang in the past.
9:50 PM Kisha/Jen (4th)
10:01 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (5th) – (Toyouke: “Hey, no one said anything about the Globetrotters' penalty.”)
10:34 PM Jet/Cord (6th)
11:33 PM Kent/Vyxsin (7th) – Vyxsin decides this is PMA day: Positive Mental Attitude. Of course, this is before they get hopelessly lost in Japan, just like Italy.
11:52 PM Margie/Luke (8th)
12:42 AM Jaime/Cara (9th) – who loathe China. (Toyouke: “The cheerleaders aren't as far behind as I thought they would be.”)

Teams then arrive at the airport as follows:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Ron/Christina
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Jet/Cord
7- Margie/Luke
8- Flight Time/Big Easy
9- Kent/Vyxsin – (Toyouke: “Wow, they've been going the wrong way this whole time? Who drove to the ocean instead of the mountains in South America? Yeah.” Kmanpat: “Debbie and Bianca, TAR7.”)

(Toyouke: “Boo, bunching.”) The race scheduled an easy to make flight, but Kent and Vyxsin got so lost, they were unable to make it on board. Thus, the teams shake down as follows:

First Flight, Kunming, departs 9:30 AM
1) Zev/Justin
2) Gary/Mallory
3) Ron/Christina
4) Kisha/Jen
5) Jaime/Cara
6) Jet/Cord
7) Margie/Luke
8) Flight Time/Big Easy

Second Flight, Kunming, departs 3:30 PM
1) Kent/Vyxsin

(Toyouke: “Do you think they made them all get on the same flight so the Globetrotters' penalty wouldn't matter? So they could give them a penalty to satisfy Ron and Christina but it wouldn't affect anything because they had so much bunching?” Kmanpat: “No, I think they did it since they would have all gone for that flight anyway.”)

Teams arrive in Kunming. Once there, teams are allowed to chose how they make their way to Lijiang. (Toyouke: “I guess the train will get you there sooner if the flight leaves in the morning instead of that night.“) So, teams arrive at Wijiaba, and work their way to their transport in the following order:

First Train, Lijiang, departs 8:50 PM
1) Ron/Christina

Second Train, Lijiang, departs 10:16 PM
1) Zev/Justin
2) Gary/Mallory
3) Kisha/Jen
4) Jaime/Cara
5) Jet/Cord
6) Margie/Luke
7) Flight Time/Big Easy

Flight, Lijiang, departs 7 AM
1) Kent/Vyxsin

Teams are now instructed to travel to the shuttle to the top of Jade Mountain. They arrive in the following order:

1- Ron/Christina – (Toyouke: “Why are we spending time on this detour to get food? Foreshadowing?”)
2- Jaime/Cara
3- Margie/Luke
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Zev/Justin
7- Jet/Cord
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Kent/Vyxsin

Unfortunately, the shuttles don’t leave until 8 AM. (Toyouke: “I smell producer interference. "Kent and Vyxsin are so late! Let's make the bus leave later so everyone else isn't so far ahead of them." Screw that.“) Thus, most of the teams are together and arrive at the Jade Mountain Clue Box in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Ron/Christina
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Jet/Cord
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams are now instructed to ride a yak after saddling it. One team member must ride it across the river to get the next clue. Team members arrive at the clue in the following order:

1- Jaime
2- Margie
3- Ron
4- Kisha
5- Cord – (Toyouke: “Oh look, something the cowboys don't fail at.“)
6- Flight Time
7- Mallory
8- Zev
9- Vyxsin

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Jaime/Cara
2- Margie/Luke
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Jet/Cord
5- Ron/Christina
6- Zev/Justin
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Flight Time/Big Easy
9- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams are now instructed to take a gondola to the top of the mountain and find Spruce Meadow. (Toyouke: “I'm glad to see most people not being stupid and running at 14,000 feet.”) Teams arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jet/Cord
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Gary/Mallory
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Zev/Justin
8- Ron/Christina
9- Kent/Vyxsin – who show up as Zev is hunting through the symbols. Kent and Justin proceed to discuss the repercussions of not taking the first flight. (Toyouke: “I guess technically they could get a penalty for not taking the proper flight, but the later flight already penalized them.”)

Once they arrive, teams get the third roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who thinks they’re living the charmed life?

In this roadblock, one team member must search for the twelve animals of the zodiac amongst thousands hanging among the spruce trees. Once they find them, they must put them in the correct order on a mobile in order to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Oh...this roadblock SUCKS. I mean, it looks like they don't have decoy animals...and you can look at the sample...and then the ribbons are ordered by length so you can put them in the right order...maybe it doesn't suck that bad.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Luke
2- Cord
3- Cara
4- Mallory
5- Big Easy
6- Jen
7- Zev – who gets very frustrated.
8- Christina
9- Vyxsin

After much zodiac symbol hunting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Ron/Christina
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jet/Cord
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams are now instructed to get themselves to Old Town Lijiang. Once there, teams should find the prayer wheel to find their next clue. Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Ron/Christina – who somehow take the wrong vehicle. (Toyouke: “Oh...MARKED. Come on.”)
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who are polite and help out Ron and Christina by stopping their bus. (Toyouke: “I'm glad the Globetrotters stopped the bus.”)
5- Jet/Cord
6- Kisha/Jen
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin – after losing their fanny pack in the gondola on the way down the mountain.

Teams are now instructed to figure out their Chinese Zodiac sign, write a wish and place it in the correct slot on the prayer wheel. (Toyouke: “OK, now I KNOW the producers are just coming up with shit to waste time. "Write a wish and say your Chinese zodiac sign aloud"? Please.”) Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Ron/Christina
4- Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “Why is it not surprising in the least that Jet is a Monkey?”)
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Flight Time/Big Easy – who struggle with Flight Time’s sign. He’s a dragon, by the way.
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Hammer OR Horn
*Hammer: Teams use a mallet to pulverize hot molten candy and then cut it into pieces. Once complete, teams get their next clue.
*Horn: Teams must travel to a square and pick up a traditional horn and lead a procession to Wencheng Palace to get their next clue.

1- Margie/Luke choose Hammer
2- Gary/Mallory choose Hammer
3- Jet/Cord choose Hammer
4- Ron/Christina choose Hammer
5- Jaime/Cara choose Horn – and then quickly make the first Bald Snark of the season to Hammer.
6- Kisha/Jen choose Hammer
7- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Horn
8- Zev/Justin choose Horn
9- Kent/Vyxsin choose Hammer

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Jet/Cord
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Ron/Christina
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin

Teams get their clue and find that they must now make their way to the top of Lion Hill nad find the Eternal Tower, the PIT STOP of the fourth leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Margie/Luke – who win a trip for 2 to Aruba.
2- Jet/Cord
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Ron/Christina
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Zev/Justin
9- Kent/Vyxsin

And Kent and Vyxsin are. . .not quite at the pit stop due to the missing fanny pack. Thus, there is more racing to do. In the meantime, all of the other teams are launched immediately on their next leg. (Toyouke: “This is SO STUPID. One double leg is more than enough. They got lost. They were stupid. Just let them fail. Also, you'll bend the rules for Kent and Vyxsin but not for Mike and Mel? The WHOLE POINT of this show is that there is NO producer interference.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Margie/Luke
2nd – Jet/Cord
3rd – Gary/Mallory
4th – Ron/Christina
5th – Kisha/Jen
6th – Flight Time/Big Easy
7th – Jaime/Cara
8th – Zev/Justin
9th – Kent/Vyxsin

Next week: We find out whether or not the Goths survive to race another day. And there is a Double U-Turn. This race gets better and better. (Toyouke: “Whatever, I'm still pissed about producer interference.”) Until next time!

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Top Chef:All Stars 3/9/11--"Fit for a King" summary

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: Padma shows up to tell everyone to go to the roof. Then she tells them to go back down and get on a ferry, and make things based on the random junk food found in a ferry snack bar. Pretty much all the food was crap, but Carla made a fruit salad that ended up being exactly what everyone wanted. Everyone ended up on Ellis Island, and met up with loved ones, to talk about their personal history. The challenge was to make a dish based on your family history. Everyone turned out fantastic dishes, as usually happens. Antonia won, but no one was sent home. (click for more)

Antonia talks about winning. Everyone’s in the Bahamas greeting each other and remembering their finales (if they made it). Richard talks about how he choked in his finale episode. It’s…a rehash of things we’re already well aware of. Except that Mike says he trained during the off time he had.

There’s a fort, which they all walk towards. Hiding inside we see shots of Michael Voltaggio, Stephanie, Hosea, and Kevin Sbraga. These are the winners of each season these finalists were on. Ha! Eric Ripert is there with Padma and Tom. Mike is like, Voltaggio should be on my team. Oops! You are going head to head with the chef who won your season. Mike’s joy turns to cursing because Voltaggio kicked his ass. Richard says his season, he was the best, so now he can prove it. Shh. Whichever chef wins, they get $10,000. Nice. Each chef has a hidden ingredient that Tom picked out, which must be included. Stephanie is a beast because both Richard and Antonia were on her season, so I guess she has two competitors.

40 minutes to cook. Season 4 gets a rack of veal. Mike and Voltaggio have duck, and Mike lets him butcher it to save himself some work. Hosea and Carla have lamb. Hosea wants to prove to the haters he deserved to win. Carla is making soup again because her soups go over well. Tiffany and Kevin get pork. Stephanie points out she could go home with $20,000. Voltaggio is trying to work every random piece of equipment he can find. Richard worries about everything, as he does. Antonia’s burner keeps going out. Carla’s too. Carla puts her rice in her pot with her stew, which she recognizes as a problem.

Kevin: barbecue pork with cilantro, celery, shaved onion and citrus salad. Tiffany: pork stew with potatoes, peppers, citrus and allspice. Tom says they’re both really good, but he prefers Tiffany’s, as does Eric. So she wins! Good for her! This is the first time she’s won anything all season. Hosea: braised lamb in red chili broth with olives and mint, goat cheese and rosemary polenta. Yum. Carla: jollify rice and harissa lamb with peppers, onions, and lime. Carla’s rice is undercooked and she doesn’t try to talk her way out of it. Poor Carla. But Hosea showed the haters. Stephanie: veal scaloppini with tapenade and poached egg. Antonia: roasted veal, leek and almond puree with sautéed mushrooms, arugula, and raisins. Antonia’s veal is tough, but there is a lot going on in Stephanie’s dish. The judges say that Stephanie’s dish is the lesser of two evils, basically. Richard: seared veal loin and braised veal cap with raisins, carrots, potatoes, and mushrooms. They like Richard’s dish, so of course he wins against Stephanie’s randomness. He says he has momentum. Voltaggio: duck breast with duck leg in bacon vinaigrette, burnt leek and coffee pesto. Weird. Mike: cashew dusted spiced duck breast with duck leg and mushroom jus. Tom breaks the tie here and says Mike handled the duck better. I don’t like this. Mike winning things. I don’t like Mike.

The elimination challenge: the judges were “invited” to a dinner party thrown by Bahamian royalty. So they decided the contestants should cook! Ha! Tiffany says she’s going to make what she usually does. I guess they’re working as a team? Padma sends them to the hotel.
The suite is really swank, as is expected. Tiffany is thrilled to finally win something. Richard says he’s the hardest working person there. He is willing to chase down goats. That’s what he said, he would chase down a goat.

2.5 hours to prep in the morning. The kitchen is fully stocked, and I guess they agreed on the menu last night or something. I can’t imagine they are each doing whatever they want, without consulting each other. They have to at least divide up courses. Everyone runs around. Richard is making lobster and he says his dish will be refined. Carla has things to get over mentally, because she lost the Quickfire and is psyching herself out. Mike bitches that the girls are “playing it safe” and that it’s an honor for them to be here, but not for him? Somehow it’s an honor for him to win, so…he’s not honored to have made it to the final? Shut up, Mike. They pack up coolers and whatnot. Not a lot of cooking today.

A police escort shows up to take them to the dinner location. As they drive, they end up in the middle of Carnival. Well, it looks like Carnival. Brightly colored costumes and giant feathered headdresses. They get out of the car, and Mike immediately starts dancing, sort of, but they’re all freaking out because obviously they may need to change plans. Tom appears with the King of Junkanoo, which is like Carnival and Mardi Gras mixed together. This is who they are cooking for. Tiffany is thrilled beyond belief because she was always going to make her food, which is perfectly suited to this. Everyone else and their refined dishes are in trouble.

1 hour to cook and adjust. There is a flattop, a couple of microwaves, and lots of deep fryers. Antonia notices one of the fryers is smoking. They try to turn it down, but it still bursts into flame. Awesome. Richard covers the deep fryer with a sheet pan to keep the flames down, and they try to turn off the fryer and get an extinguisher and whatever. Some production assistants or whoever start evacuating, and Richard says everyone was more concerned with covering their food than with leaving the kitchen and being safe. Not surprising in the least. The fire department shows up.

The chefs sit out in the restaurant. Mike apparently had no idea what was going on. Antonia talks about changing her dish and Richard tells her to go with her gut. She basically tells him to shut up because she’s freaking out. She was right next to the fire and Mike (jokingly, I guess maybe) accused her of doing it. Everyone’s unhappy. Richard then gloats he’s inside her head and he wants her to bomb. Richard, don’t turn into a jerk. Tom interviews that the thermostat might have been busted, or something was wet, or something. They don’t seem to know what went wrong, but what they do know is that all the food in the kitchen is now contaminated. Suck. Tom gives everyone the bad news, which is that they have to start over and scrub down the whole kitchen. They’ll clean, redo all the prep, and serve later tonight. Later tonight? Huh? Now they can all rethink their dishes, so Tiffany isn’t super pleased.

Carla thinks she could have done her dish better the first time. Richard says some bullshit about doing a new dish because that’s the spirit of the competition, making up new dishes. You’re making a new dish because your old dish was too refined once you figured out what the challenge really was. Don’t pretend otherwise. Antonia is changing her dish too, but she says that she and Richard are the only ones changing. So more prep, and then back to the restaurant. Now they all have countertop household deep fryers. Carla is deep frying her pork tenderloin. Hmm. Mike says he’s better than everyone else. Tiffany wants to win. Carla’s pork didn’t cook all the way through, so she puts the slices on the flattop to try to cook them through. The judges and guest arrive and all the judges are drinking beer which amuses me for some reason. Antonia doesn’t feel quite right about her dish, like it’s not really her. Carla thinks it’s coming together and is as good as it will get.

Carla: fried pork medallion with sweet potato puree, apple sauce and apple chip. It’s very sweet, and of course Gail has a raw piece of pork. Antonia: crispy shrimp and grits with cilantro and pickled vegetables. The shrimp seems overcooked and muddled maybe. The king says it would be better with conch. They like the idea. Mike: sous vide chicken, mushrooms, yams, lobster sauce and lobster hash. They only have good things to say. Boo. Oh, Gail thinks the white meat is dry. That’s about it. Richard: roasted lamb loin and malted braised leg with pickled turnip and mustard. It’s like a cannelloni but with turnip instead. And I see a foam. It’s delicate and tasty. Richard, of course, thinks it sucks. Tiffany: roasted spiced pork tenderloin, dirty rice, curried slaw and tomato jam. The meat is tender, and they enjoy it, but they seem under whelmed. The judges discuss what might have happened, if they were mislead by what they thought the challenge was (whose fault is that, JUDGES) or maybe they got spooked by the fire.

Commercial interlude: Richard for some reason has assigned equivalent musical genres to nuts. Peanuts are rock and roll, walnuts are close like British rock, almonds are ballet, pistachios are pop, etc. Of course he did.

Everyone waits for Judges’ Table and talks about how they second-guess themselves. Richard says he hates everything he does. They all go in to face the music. One elimination today. Tom acknowledges the fire and says “it’s going to be tough from now on, deal with it”. They liked how crispy Carla’s chips were but it was too sweet. She says she had to put something on it. They tell her Gail’s meat was raw, and she claims that that batch was the only one. Eric says his meat was perfectly cooked. Antonia wanted to go less stuffy when she realized what was really the challenge. Her shrimp was overcooked, and her grits had meat in them for some reason so it changed the texture. Tiffany’s dish was not complex enough and kind of dry. Her “curried slaw” didn’t have enough curry in it. Mike starts by saying he liked his dish. They say a lot of nice things about his sauce and how everything worked together and whatever but the breast meat was dry. Richard tells the judges he hates everything he does. Sigh. His seasoning was right on, but Tom wishes there was maybe one more flavor. Eric didn’t like the turnip and thought it was too soft. Richard promises to work on his “vegetable cookery” if he makes it through this round. Today the winner is Mike. Sigh. He of course brags that beating Richard will screw with his head. Everything screws with Richard’s head. That’s not an achievement.

Richard is disappointed, but not so much that he can’t contribute to the discussion of who did the worst. Tom is saying any one of them can go home. Carla’s dish was too sweet, and Gail points out she couldn’t eat hers. Antonia’s two major components both had problems: overcooked shrimp and meat in the grits. They seem bored with Tiffany’s dish, which at this point in the competition is not acceptable.

Tom reminds everyone what they did wrong, which they already know, and then Padma sends Carla home. Boo. I mean, I get it, but I like Carla. She knows she did poorly, and she wishes she could have gone home making a dish she was proud of. She says she’s now a better chef, and accepts herself.

Next week: Padma wears a bikini so Mike makes a sexist comment, diving for conch, flailing and failing. Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 3, 3/6/11

Welcome to Leg 3! Last time, on Let’s Get Hopping!, teams raced from Sydney to Broken Hill, a mining town on the edge of the outback. Mel and Mike fell victim to emotions, Ron and Christina are up to their old tricks, Zev and Justin are winning (now that they have their fanny pack) and Kris and Amanda? We hardly knew thee. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
2nd – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
3rd – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers
4th – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
5th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
6th – Mel/Mike, The Tygers
7th – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
8th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerios
9th – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
10th – Ron/Christina, Team Asian

Junction Mine, Broken Hill, Australia

Teams are transported overnight from Broken Hill to Sydney by train. Once teams are at Central Railway Station in Sydney, they are then released by arrival time.

11:57 AM Zev/Justin (1st)
Clue: Fly 5000 miles to Tokyo, Japan! Once there, make your way to the rotating parking garage to get your next clue. You have $607 for this leg of the race.

Zev and Justin travel to the airport by taxi. Justin: “The last time we went to Japan, I had to eat a wasabi roll.” (Toyouke: “Wasabi roll!”)

12:05 PM Flight Time/Big Easy (2nd) – who take the train with . . .
12:08 PM Jet/Cord (3rd)
12:09 PM Kisha/Jen (4th) – who miss the first train and find a computer.
12:10 PM Margie/Luke (5th) – who go to a travel agent with . . .
12:14 PM Mel/Mike (6th)
12:16 PM Kent/Vyxsin (7th) – who find a computer. And Kent decided to wear a cowboy hat to mock the cowboys. (Toyouke: “Kent, you are not rocking the cowboy hat.”)
12:24 PM Jaime/Cara (8th) – who find a different travel agent.
12:26 PM Gary/Mallory (9th)
12:28 PM Ron/Christina (10th) – (Toyouke: “Christina got engaged to Azaria! What!? Oh, points for not trying to get Christina and Azaria to race together.” Kmanpat: “Although, I could have handled that better than her father.”)

The teams use their various methods to book themselves on one of two flights: a Qantas flight direct to Tokyo, landing at 6:15 AM, and a Cathay Pacific flight with a connection in Hong Kong, scheduled to land 15 minutes earlier at 6 AM. The teams shake down as follows:

First Flight, Cathay Pacific via Hong Kong, arrival 6:00 AM
1) Zev/Justin
2) Margie/Luke – (Auburnium0513: “I think the choice of direct flight is much wiser than risking a connection for 15 minutes. If it makes you nervous, Margie, DON'T DO IT!”)
3) Mel/Mike
4) Kent/Vyxsin
5) Jaime/Cara

Second Flight, Qantas, arrival 6:15 AM
1) Flight Time/Big Easy – who gave up the Cathay flight to Team Aspergers. (Toyouke: “Hmm...good on the Globetrotters, although that's crap racing. But at least he already didn't like the connection.”)
2) Jet/Cord
3) Kisha/Jen
4) Gary/Mallory
5) Ron/Christina

Teams board their flights. And then the Cathay flight gets stuck in Hong Kong with engine trouble. (Toyouke: “Aaaaaannnnnnd apparently it's better to avoid connections.”) Note that the Cathay flight was actually one and a half hours LATE. So, teams arrive at Narita, and work their way to the Parking Garage to get their cars in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Ron/Christina
5- Jet/Cord
6- Margie/Luke
7- Mel/Mike
8- Kent/Vyxsin
9- Jaime/Cara – who get their car, and proceed to drive it into someone else’s side view mirror. The cops get called and everything gets settled.
10- Zev/Justin

(Auburnium0513: “Cool parking garage! Aww, no task involving the fun garage?”)

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to the city of Kamakura in the Kanagawa Prefecture and find Tsurugaoka Hachiman-gu. Once there, teams should find to Yabusame Dojo. They arrive in the following order:

1- Ron/Christina
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Zev/Justin
6- Kent/Vyxsin
7- Mel/Mike
8- Margie/Luke
9- Jet/Cord – (Toyouke: “Why is it that the cowboys kind of fail at everything except being hot?“)
10- Jaime/Cara

(Auburnium0513: “I know you're trying to get there quickly, but maybe you should figure out the map BEFORE you start driving.”)

Once they arrive, teams get the second roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who wants to go back a thousand years in time?

In this roadblock, one team member must perform an ancient Yabusame ritual correctly. Teams must don ancient ceremonial garb, and watch a demonstration to be able to master meditative form, bow and arrow posture, and shooting accuracy in order to get their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ron
2- Gary
3- Flight Time
4- Jen
5- Justin
6- Kent – (Toyouke: “Kent, now I'm offended. No fake Asian accents.”)
7- Mike
8- Luke
9- Cord
10- Jaime

After much bow and arrow shooting, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Zev/Justin
3- Gary/Mallory
4- Flight Time/Big Easy
5- Ron/Christina
6- Margie/Luke
7- Jet/Cord
8- Kent/Vyxsin
9- Mel/Mike
10- Jaime/Cara

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Minamiashigara and find Daiyazan Station. Once there, teams are to find the Kintaro statue to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “Aww, small children!”) Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Ron/Christina
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Margie/Luke
7- Jet/Cord
8- Kent/Vyxsin
9- Mel/Mike
10- Jaime/Cara

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Prayer of Purity OR Frog of Luck
*Prayer of Purity: Teams travel to a park where they will receive a Shinto cleansing that includes putting on a traditional wardrobe, learning a very vocal and physical prayer, and standing under a waterfall at 45° for one minute. Once complete, teams get their next clue.
*Frog of Luck: Teams must wear a loincloth and search a mudpit for a frog while being pelted with mud. Once the frog is found, teams take it to the proctor for their next clue.

(Toyouke: “I'm sure the symbol of luck is not a plastic frog that probably squeaks when you squeeze it.“)

1- Zev/Justin choose Frog of Luck
2- Gary/Mallory choose Frog of Luck – (Toyouke: “I'm entertained Mallory is so game for being in the mud.”)
3- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Prayer of Peace – (Toyouke: “Are the Globetrotters even saying anything? Should I be offended again?” Auburnium0513: “Hearing a Globetrotter cry for his mamma: Priceless”)
4- Ron/Christina choose Prayer of Peace
5- Kisha/Jen choose Frog of Luck
6- Jet/Cord choose Frog of Luck – (Toyouke: “Wooooooooo naked cowboys! And then they look for a real frog. Sigh.” Kmanpat: “The naked cowboy quotient on this show is still very low. . . But the techniques that Cord used still somehow located the amphibian.”)
7- Margie/Luke choose Frog of Luck
8- Kent/Vyxsin choose Frog of Luck
9- Mel/Mike choose Frog of Luck – and get hypothermia.
10- Jaime/Cara choose Frog of Luck

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Flight Time/Big Easy
4- Ron/Christina – who freak out when they can’t find Christina’s fanny pack. (Toyouke: “I don't think that's something you can blame on Christina. The Globetrotters should have let them know or something.”)
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Jet/Cord
7- Kent/Vyxsin
8- Margie/Luke
9- Jaime/Cara
10- Mel/Mike

Teams get their clue and find that they must now drive themselves to Kurihama in Yokosuka Prefecture and find the Commodore Perry Monument, the PIT STOP of the third leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Zev/Justin – who win a trip for 2 to Punta Islita, Costa Rica
2- Gary/Mallory
3- Ron/Christina – who arrived fourth, but got bumped up as did . . .
4- Kisha/Jen – due to the stupidity of . . .
5- Flight Time/Big Easy – (Toyouke: “Ooo how did Phil not know what the Globetrotters did?”)
6- Jet/Cord
7- Kent/Vyxsin
8- Margie/Luke
9- Jaime/Cara
10- Mel/Mike – (Toyouke: “Jamie and Cara saved by Mel being too old? SUCK”)

Mel and Mike were told to go to the pit stop after all other teams had checked in. Mike still loves his dad, and will continue to be concerned about him. Mike says he’ll be back to run the race with his walker when he’s 80.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Zev/Justin
2nd – Gary/Mallory
3rd – Ron/Christina
4th – Kisha/Jen
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy
6th – Jet/Cord
7th – Kent/Vyxsin
8th – Margie/Luke
9th – Jaime/Cara

Next week: China! Zev has a hard time. Ron freaks out, as usual. And the Goths go the wrong direction. All in a night’s episode. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Top Chef:All Stars 3/2/11--"Give Me Your Huddled Masses" summary

Previously on “Top Chef: All Stars”: Paula Deen presided over a Quickfire of fried foods. Mike stole an idea from Richard, and yes, I know technically chefs do it all the time, and technically it’s not against the law, but he laughed about doing it and then said “I didn’t steal anything, because I made it”, and plus he’s an asshat. And Richard didn’t make that same dish, MIKE, because he was busy making fried mayonnaise. So Mike won, because the universe thinks this is hilarious. Then they all had to make Gulf seafood for a charity benefit. 300 guests, so they brought back some eliminated contestants for some drama. Richard, because he’s no dummy, picked out Fabio based on how they get along and not what seafood he had. He won, proving that he had an excellent strategy. It looked like Marcel would send Tiffany home for screwing up her dish but Dale’s mustard crouton overpowered his dish and he was sent home. I know! Dale! Sad. (click for more)

Tiffany says this is when she went home last season. She is determined not to go home on the same challenge. Later in the “bar”, Antonia gets a phone call home. Her daughter is super cute! Mike says he doesn’t want to celebrate being in the final round until he’s in the final round. Let’s hope this editing is for Mike and not Antonia.

Richard hopes for a challenge with less than 50 plates. He asks Antonia what she thinks will happen today, since she seems to have a good psychic vibe about this stuff. She asks “Is Padma coming here today?” and the other girls agree they felt that too. Cue Padma coming around the corner of the kitchen. Hee. Richard likes it but says it’s like she’s coming into the zoo. Padma summons them to the roof. Antonia thinks they will base jump off the roof and scramble eggs on the way down. Hee. For the Quickfire, they’ll all get on a ferry to Ellis Island. Then she sends them back downstairs. Why did they have to do that on the roof?

On the ferry, there is a note that the challenge will be on the ferry. They must make a dish with whatever is on board the ferry, that must be finished by the time the ferry gets to Ellis Island. Mostly there is junk food. Richard sneers at junk food. Shush. When they hear the horn, they start. When it sounds again, it stops. So they don’t have an actual clock or countdown.

Everyone stands around waiting for the horn, and then jumps over the counters. Tiffany tries to tell them they’re at the island. She is making nachos. Antonia is using the hot dog grill thing (with the rotating pipes) to make grilled cheese. Richard claims to have been carrying an MRE in his knife kit. Really? You just happen to carry an MRE with you at all times? That is so fishy. Carla is making salad. Interesting. Mike is trying to make soup with hot dog buns but it ends up as soggy bread. Richard has hot dogs. I can’t find his MRE stuff in his dish. Antonia keeps an eye out and warns them that they’re docking. Tiffany thinks she needs more than nachos so is making some popcorn too. Mike just finishes but is not happy.

Padma comes down with Dan Barber who is executive chef at Blue Hill at Stone Barns. He also worked with Richard during the finale of Richard’s season. Interesting. Richard: hot dog and beef jerky sandwich with jalapeno, pork rinds, lettuce, and apple. He says he only used the MRE packet for the chemical heating to cook the hot dogs, and he also says this is supposed to be like a bahn mi. Tiffany: nachos with cheese, lettuce, tomato, jalapeno, banana peppers, and sour cream. Also popcorn with candied mango and pineapple. Mike: bread soup with cheddar cheese, sour cream, green chili, and pork rinds. Carla: orange and papaya salad with carrot and rosemary juice. Antonia: grilled cheese with apples and raisin bread. Everyone pretty much makes fun of other people’s food and how it sucks.

Tiffany’s dish was plain and a throwaway, but she knows it was. Richard was creative (of course). Mike’s soup was too heavy, and Antonia gloats. Antonia, on the other hand, did a creative job on grilling her sandwich, and Carla had a refreshing salad. Cut to Richard looking irritated, because he didn’t think they did enough work. Carla wins, which pisses people off but so what? Mostly Richard is pissed, and he’s been pretty full of himself this season.

This is the last Elimination challenge in New York. Today, they will use their family history to create a dish. Nice. Padma makes a note that Tiffany and Carla are African-American. I’m not sure why she singled them out, as Carla says that they’re all part of the “fabric of America”. Padma then says they hired a genealogist to research their lineages. Awesome! Plus, special guests! Which are family members. Carla takes a minute to figure it out, because the first people aren’t familiar to her. Tiffany is really moved to see her mom. It’s moms, and Carla’s husband and Richard’s wife. Richard’s wife is pregnant again.

Free evening to hang out and look over the genealogy information. Richard ends up being Irish and English, and makes a joke about Worcestershire. And how one of his ancestors was a chemist. Tiffany asks her mom what they ate mostly in Louisiana. She throws out okra, because Tom doesn’t like okra, but then decides to do it anyway. Carla discovers her family was some of the last slaves to be freed, but they had their own business. Mike’s parents got divorced when he was three, and he claims he was a troublemaker and cooking kept him out of jail. Antonia finds she is one-quarter Jewish. Then she finds out that she and Mike might be vaguely related. Everyone laughs at them. Antonia is horrified, and her mom says she takes no responsibility for anything.

30 minutes to shop at Whole Foods. Richard is complaining because he has to make Irish and English food and I guess it doesn’t inspire him.

Back at the house, Antonia and Mike are still on the kick that they’re “cousins” or at least related somehow. Also Antonia’s mom tried to tell her that Mike was cute. Ew. They all look through the folders and the old pictures. She says you can’t write this shit. There is also an extremely kick ass picture of Mike when he was maybe 5, in dance class, with a bright pink jumpsuit, lime green satin vest, and bowl cut. With his legs planted and hands on his hips. It is hilarious. Immediately everyone mocks him, as they should.

Tiffany and Carla hang out. They find a DVD on the table, and a car key. Wait, didn’t they already give away a car? They gave one to Mike for winning that Quickfire where Tom cooked and they got like 8 minutes to make something. How did they get another car? The DVD says winner gets the Highlander hybrid. That’s the car my parents have, although, not the super fancy version with DVD player and touch screen. It’s a pretty nice car, though.

They get to the restaurant with 3 hours to cook. Carla is making braised pork shoulder with fried grits and biscuits. Maybe. There seems to be liquid nitrogen involved. Richard approves, of course, because she is “pushing herself”. Tiffany is going to use her okra, with braised short ribs. Yum. Antonia has veal. Richard also has braised short ribs, but with pickled glassworts. He says “glasswort” sounds sexier than “sea beans”. No it doesn’t. He then claims it’s what they call them in Ireland. Mike’s making his grandmother’s recipes. Carla’s biscuits aren’t baking. Antonia is trying to make risotto, which she knows will be awesome if she does it well. The family members are at the table with the judges.

Mike: potato gnocchi with braised pork shank ragu and burrata cheese. Mom says he started early with cooking. They like his gnocchi. Mom says he’s better than grandma. Sigh. Suddenly it’s dark outside and Antonia is talking about cooking for her mom, and then it’s lighter outside and she’s serving. Antonia: braised veal, rapini leaf and fava bean risotto. They really enjoy the risotto. Tom says it’s packed with flavor. Antonia’s mom and Mike’s mom joke about who was better. Tiffany: braised short rib with mustard greens, stewed okra, and oxtail marmalade. Her mom says they make it at home, and Tom says their family is well fed. AND he says he’s never liked okra until now. Go Tiffany! Richard is nervous about cooking for his wife because she’s an athlete and is competitive. Richard: short ribs, potatoes, fried bone marrow, corn puree and pickled glasswort. And he says “it wouldn’t be steak without fried bone marrow.” OK. They think it all came together. Carla’s husband says they met on match.com. Really? I wouldn’t have guessed that. Carla: braised pork shoulder, fried grits, corn and sweet potato hash and cheddar biscuits. Richard’s wife likes that the biscuits were on another plate that they got to pass around. I’m glad to see it turned out well. Tom and Gail talk about how hard this decision is going to be. Everyone says goodbye. Richard’s wife tells him she thinks he’s safe. Hmm.

Commercial interlude: everyone eats everyone else’s food, and freaks out. Actually, they all seem to like everything, instead of mocking them like during the Quickfire. They’re freaking out because it’s all so good.

Padma makes them all come out at the same time. Carla’s broth was delicious, and Gail praises the biscuits. The corn was tough, says Tom. And then she admits she used liquid nitrogen. Tom tells her it all worked together and was soulful. Richard’s dish was thoughtful and made sense. That’s about it. See, when they praise everything it’s not very interesting. Padma tells Antonia she was courageous to serve them risotto, but it ended up having a great texture. The veal fell apart and was perfect. Tiffany cheers when Tom admits he liked her okra. It was also clear that food was important in her house and there was love. Mike made his grandmother’s gnocchi. It was very light, and Gail says he should always listen to his mother, who gave him some advice. Mike kind of loses it, and admits his grandmother passed away when he was younger so he’s never cooked Italian food professionally because it was too painful of a reminder. Gail gently tells him that his mother said his gnocchi was better than his grandmother’s.

“Top Chef: Masters” with new host Curtis Stone? Not that I’ll be complaining about Curtis Stone, but I wonder why the change.

Back in the Stew Room, they talk about how they’re glad they liked everything but someone still has to go home. We’re really nitpicking today. Antonia’s veal was a hair salty when eaten alone. Mike maybe could have plated with less meat. Padma wanted more green on Richard’s plate. Carla’s garnish got lost with the fantastic broth. Tiffany could have done without some accessories, although they were all delicious. Other than that, the judges talked about how delicious and well balanced and homey everything was.

Winner gets to go to the finals and they also get a new car. Antonia wins. Wow. She’s pretty shocked. And then Padma announces the final round will take place in the Bahamas. Mike is also safe. Eeehhhhhhhh. They keep cutting in shots of Richard looking supremely upset. Mike and Antonia get to leave. Tiffany had a lot of things going on, but they enjoyed it. Richard tied together many random things. Carla had some vegetable problems but one of the best sauces this season. Richard…is going to the finale. But Padma screws with his head first by telling him to pack his knives. Hee. We get a commercial break before discovering that they’re both going, which is LAME. Look, I know you had a hard time deciding, but this “everyone is a winner!” crap reality shows like to pull is ridiculous. Someone has to be eliminated. Eliminate someone. That’s what they pay you for. Back in the Stew Room there is shrieking and freaking out.

Next week: cook head-to-head with the chef that won your season. Kick ass! Grease fire, diving for things, people being pissed, actual criticism of dishes. Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 2, 2/27/11

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Are You Going to Manly? You’ll Fit Right In, teams raced from Palm Springs to Sydney, Australia. Teams got separated by transportation and a painfully long Roadblock, which ended in a tired Jet and Cord finishing last at the mat, only to find that they were not eliminated, and everyone was still racing! Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

(Toyouke: “Now is the time for ‘Amazing Race theme: Club Remix’”)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Gary/Mallory , The Hillbillies
2nd – Amanda/Kris, The YDC
3rd – Kisha/Jen, Team Bathroom
4th – Zev/Justin, Team Aspergers
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy, The Globetrotters
6th – Jaime/Cara, The Cheerios
7th – Margie/Luke, Team ASL
8th – Ron/Christina, Team Asian
9th – Mel/Mike, The Tygers
10th – Kent/Vyxsin, Team Goth
11th – Jet/Cord, The Cowboy Brothers

Shelly Beach, Manly, Australia

Gary/Mallory (1st)
Clue: Make your way back to Sydney and find the phrase “To Sail to Stop”. This will take you to an anchor at City Town Hall. Once there, sign up for one of two charter flights to Broken Hill, Australia, 684 miles away.

(Toyouke: “Oo, another real clue.”)

Amanda/Kris (2nd)
Kisha/Jen (3rd) – Kisha: "It kept saying something about an anchor?" (Toyouke: “How do you not think "Hey, a random landmark! That must be it!")
Zev/Justin (4th)
Flight Time/Big Easy (5th) – who compare and contrast their qualities.
Jaime/Cara (6th)
Margie/Luke (7th)
Ron/Christina (8th)
Mel/Mike (9th) – where Mike is finding things more difficult than he imagined.
Kent/Vyxsin (10th)
Jet/Cord (11th)


The teams that call for a taxi really struggle to find the monument, while the teams who take the ferry back seem to have little difficulty in finding information to help themselves out. That might be due to not getting the clue. (Toyouke: “I feel badly for the other teams, because I totally would have assumed we'd have to get back on the ferry.” Kmanpat: “We would have.”) Teams arrive at City Town Hall and sign up for flights in the following order:

First Flight, 6:00 AM
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Zev/Justin
3) Jaime/Cara
4) Margie/Luke
5) Mel/Mike
6) Kent/Vyxsin

Second Flight, 6:30 AM
1) Flight Time/Big Easy
2) Ron/Christina
3) Gary/Mallory
4) Amanda/Kris
5) Jet/Cord

Teams fly on the charter to the edge of the outback. They arrive in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen
2- Kent/Vyxsin
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Margie/Luke
5- Zev/Justin – Zev: “Not a lot of Steakhouses here. . .”
6- Mel/Mike – Mel: “Kisha drives too slow.” (Toyouke: “If you don't like how fast Kisha is driving, then DON'T FOLLOW HER.”)
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Amanda/Kris
9- Flight Time/Big Easy
10- Jet/Cord
11- Ron/Christina

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to the Living Desert and find their next clue. They arrive in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin – Justin: “Zev is artistic AND autistic!”
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Mel/Mike
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Kent/Vyxsin
6- Margie/Luke
7- Gary/Mallory
8- Amanda/Kris
9- Jet/Cord
10- Flight Time/Big Easy
11- Ron/Christina

Teams find the clue box by the side of the road. And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Spirit World OR Natural World
*Spirit World: Teams must use materials to create a mosaic that matches an example. Once complete, teams must dance on the mosaic to get their clue.
*Natural World: Teams must create a territory marker using a natural paint that is spit out of the mouth to create four images. Once finished, teams will get their next clue.

1- Zev/Justin choose Spirit World
2- Kisha/Jen choose Spirit World
3- Mel/Mike choose Spirit World
4- Jaime/Cara choose Spirit World
5- Kent/Vyxsin choose Spirit World
6- Margie/Luke choose Spirit World
7- Gary/Mallory choose Spirit World
8- Amanda/Kris choose Spirit World
9- Jet/Cord choose Spirit World
10- Flight Time/Big Easy choose Spirit World
11- Ron/Christina choose Spirit World – because everyone else did. (Toyouke: “No! When everyone else is doing one Detour you do the other one!”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Margie/Luke
3- Mel/Mike
4- Kent/Vyxsin – because they decide to dance around the mosaic. Kent: “Vyxsin! Please get me children!”
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Jet/Cord
8- Gary/Mallory
9- Flight Time/Big Easy
10- Amanda/Kris – (Toyouke: “While Kris does look good shirtless, where are the cowboys? And why did they not take their shirts off?”)
11- Ron/Christina

CAUTION: U-TURN AHEAD

This season, the first U-Turn is forced, so a team is chosen by their performance on a task.

Thus, upon completion of the task, teams arrive at the U-Turn and then get their next clue in the following order:

1-Amanda/Kris have been U-Turned

So, Amanda and Kris go to Natural World, which is apparently WAY easier than the mosaic. (Toyouke: “Wow, Kris spits so well.” Kmanpat: “That’s what SHE said.”) And they continue on their way.

Teams are then instructed to make their way to the “Home of the Magpies” which teams discover through questioning that they are to go to the Central Football Club to get their next clue. Teams then arrive at Central Football Club in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin
2- Margie/Luke
3- Kent/Vyxsin
4- Mel/Mike
5- Jaime/Cara
6- Jet/Cord
7- Flight Time/Big Easy
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Gary/Mallory
10- Ron/Christina – (Toyouke: “Oohhhhh, now I remember how Ron and Christina were. Sigh.”)
11- Amanda/Kris

According to the clue, “It’s time for a Roo’d Awakening!” So, teams get dressed in kangaroo costumes (Toyouke: “It...there are moon boots to go with the costumes. ...I am rendered speechless.”) and use a Periodic Table of Elements to get their next clue. The highlighted elements (Mercury and Bismuth) indicate an intersection of town that teams must find. (Toyouke: “AND they picked one of the elements that has random letters as its symbol.”) And teams arrive at the intersection in the following order:

1- Zev/Justin – Random Australian: "Guess what happened to me? Two guys in kangaroo suits with a television camera just asked me for directions!" (Toyouke: “Zev and Justin just made that guy's day.”)
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Margie/Luke
5- Mel/Mike
6- Kent/Vyxsin
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Jet/Cord
9- Gary/Mallory
10- Ron/Christina – (Toyouke: “I heard the Cymbals of "That was a poor decision, idiot" when Ron said not to follow Gary and Mallory.”)
11- Amanda/Kris

Teams get their clue and find that they must now drive themselves to Junction Mine, the PIT STOP of the second leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!
1- Zev/Justin – who win a trip for 2 to Cancun. Phil: “You have your passports?”
2- Flight Time/Big Easy
3- Jet/Cord
4- Kisha/Jen
5- Margie/Luke
6- Mel/Mike
7- Kent/Vyxsin
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Gary/Mallory
10- Ron/Christina
11- Amanda/Kris

And Amanda and Kris are gone. I must say this race has progressed as I would have wanted it to. . .

ORDER NOW:
1st – Zev/Justin
2nd – Flight Time/Big Easy
3rd – Jet/Cord
4th – Kisha/Jen
5th – Margie/Luke
6th – Mel/Mike
7th – Kent/Vyxsin
8th – Jaime/Cara
9th – Gary/Mallory
10th – Ron/Christina

Next week: Japan! And more wackiness. Including the Cheerios hitting someone. Oh, and Ron is verbally abusive to Christina, as usual. Until next time!

Clicky clicky

TAR18, Recap Leg 1, 2/20/11

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, but this time it was pleasantly short. This time, Phil comes to us from Palm Springs California, the Wind capital of the world, and introduces us to teams that we already know in HD! From the jeeps, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Jet and Cord, AKA The Cowboy Brothers are from Oklahoma, and have both won five world rodeo championships each. They are here because apparently they lost TAR16 when Dan and Jordan cut in front of them at the airport. Which? Not a game changer. They ended up on the same flight anyway. But? COWBOYS! *insert TAR Cowboy music here* (Toyouke: “Woo! Cowboys!”)

Margie and Luke, AKA Team Hearing Aid, are a mother and son, where the son is deaf, can’t read lips and can’t speak fluent English. Mom translates, quite well I may add. They lost in TAR14 when Luke couldn’t finish the final task. That means more fun from Luke. NOT complaining.

Amanda and Kris, AKA The YDC, are now engaged from San Diego. Kris: “I am 110% with this girl.” Well, that’s good. They lost when Margie and Luke U-Turned them in Siberia in TAR14. Not that that was a bad thing.

Flight Time and Big Easy, AKA The Globetrotters, are Harlem Globetrotters. Enough said. (Toyouke: “OMG I LOVE THE GLOBETROTTER MUSIC! I love that they cut that in.”) They lost in TAR15 when Big Easy couldn’t figure out a clue about Kafka. So intelligent clues are their downfall.

Mel and Mike, AKA Gay Family, are father and son. Dad is Mel White. Yes, THAT Mel White who used to write speeches for Jerry Falwell. Yes, THAT Jerry Falwell. The son wrote School of Rock. And they’re both gay. Oh, this is going to be fun. . . AGAIN! And now Mel is 70 and one of the oldest racers ever. They lost TAR14 when they broke away from the pack in Thailand.

Kent and Vyxsin, AKA Team Goth, are a dating goth couple from Louisville KY. Oh THIS will be fun. Kent describes themselves as “living cartoon characters.” I agree. (Toyouke: “They could fall on their rears or do really well.”) And do well they did, only falling apart at their second yield of TAR12 in Italy. Kent: “The Pink and Black attack is back!”

Gary and Mallory, AKA The Hillbillies, are father-daughter from Kentucky. Mallory is the former Miss Kentucky and fourth runner up at Miss America 2010. And dad still wishes she were a boy. They lost TAR17 in Oman when Mallory prayed to Mary instead of Allah. Oh, and they went the wrong way. Mallory: “TAR is more exciting than Miss America!”

Kisha and Jen, AKA Team Bathroom Break, are former college athletes. They want to learn how to deal with each other. And they lost TAR14 in China when Jen needed to use the restroom. Oops.

Zev and Justin, AKA Team Aspergers, are best friends from LA. Justin: “Zev isn’t afraid to speak his mind.” Zev: “Aw, That’s nice. *tear!*” Hee. Sound bite whore? Oh yes. They lost in TAR15 when Justin misplaced the passports. Well, that’s disaster right there.

Ron and Christina, AKA Team Asian, are from Tacoma WA and are the father-daughter team. Dad Ron says that he hasn’t been around for Christina and he hopes to build that trust. They lost their lead in TAR12 in Alaska, and Christina still wants to be the first parent-child team to win.

Jaime and Cara, AKA The Cheerios, are former NFL cheerleaders and are assertive young women. Apparently, that is to be read as “bitchy.” And they are both redheads now, as if they weren’t hard enough to tell apart before. They lost their way to the pit stop in TAR14.

The camera careens to a wind farm where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is NOT on their bags. Instead teams run past their bags to a small field and solve a clue: Queensland and Northern Territories Aerial Service. The first EIGHT (8) teams to bring him what he wants will get tickets on the first flight out. The last three teams will get tickets on the second flight, ninety minutes later. AND the first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on a leg that they choose, either before they start it or during. AND the last team to get their tickets will receive an automatic U-Turn when they encounter the first detour. (Toyouke: “Oo, I think I might like the automatic U-Turn better than a real U-Turn, or the "hurry up or you're eliminated in America" facet of things.”) Oh, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. (Toyouke: “Lack of eyebrow pop AGAIN!”) GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

San Gorgonio Pass Wind Farm, Palm Springs, California, USA

Clue: Travel to Sydney, Australia! Once in Sydney, take the train to Sydney Harbour and take the ferry to Ocean World in Manly to get your next clue.

Since teams have to find their clues in order to leave, the departure order follows naturally. If the teams solve the clue, they know they want to find a paper airplane that says Qantas. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Mel/Mike
2- Zev/Justin – (Toyouke: “Hee, Zev and Justin have Globetrotter T-shirts.)
3- Jet/Cord
4- Kent/Vyxsin
5- Ron/Christina
6- Flight Time/Big Easy
7- Margie/Luke
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Kisha/Jen
10- Gary/Mallory – Mallory: “Oh, St. Anthony, help us.”
11- Kris/Amanda – who get the U-Turn penalty. Well, that’s déjà vu all over again.

Teams drive themselves to the airport and find the marked parking lot.

Once everyone arrives, there’s no jockeying for position, and the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1:
1) Mel/Mike
2) Zev/Justin
3) Jet/Cord
4) Kent/Vyxsin
5) Ron/Christina
6) Flight Time/Big Easy
7) Margie/Luke
8) Jaime/Cara

Flight 2:
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Gary/Mallory
3) Kris/Amanda

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Green Lines across the Pacific to . . .Hawaii? The Amazing Red Line has a medical emergency, and lands in Hawaii to evacuate a heart attack victim. And thus, the first flight becomes the second flight.

SYDNEY! Opera House! Teams leave Sydney Airport for Manly in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen – who make the first train with . . .
2- Gary/Mallory – and . . .
3- Kris/Amanda
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who make the second train with . . .
5- Zev/Justin – and . . .
6- Margie/Luke – and . . .
7- Kent/Vyxsin – and . . .
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Ron/Christina – who just miss the second train and make the third train with . . .
10- Mel/Mike – and . . .
11- Jet/Cord

Teams arrive at the Manly Ferry in the following order:

1- Kisha/Jen – who make the first ferry with . . .
2- Gary/Mallory – and . . . (Toyouke: “Aw, I missed Mallory's cute self.”)
3- Kris/Amanda
4- Flight Time/Big Easy – who make the second ferry with . . .
5- Zev/Justin – and . . .
6- Margie/Luke – and . . .
7- Kent/Vyxsin – and . . .
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Ron/Christina – who make the third ferry with . . .
10- Mel/Mike
11- Jet/Cord – who somehow manage to miss the third ferry. Why, cowboys, WHY?

Teams disembark the Manly Ferry and find the clue in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Kris/Amanda
4- Margie/Luke
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Zev/Justin
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Kent/Vyxsin
9- Ron/Christina
10- Mel/Mike
11- Jet/Cord

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s ready to get tanked?

In this roadblock, one team member must go diving in a shark tank to find a compass marked with semaphore flags. Roadblockers then find the hanging flags and use the compass to decode the puzzle which gives them their next destination: “Manly 16 ft Skiff Sailing Club. Find the Commodore. I am between the devil and the deep blue sea.” Teams then find the commodore and give him the password to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This is like, the longest Roadblock. Why is it so long?”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Mallory
2- Kisha
3- Amanda
4- Flight Time
5- Margie
6- Justin
7- Cara
8- Vyxsin – who has a hard time in the shark tank. Her focus ends up being family, since Kent lost his father suddenly a few years back.
9- Christina
10- Mel
11- Jet – who gets hopelessly stuck. (Toyouke: “How can you not get the flags? It's just a substitution code! You and I would be all over it.”)

After much shark swimming and clue decoding, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Kisha/Jen
3- Amanda/Kris
4- Zev/Justin
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Ron/Christina
7- Mel/Mike
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Margie/Luke
10- Kent/Vyxsin
11- Jet/Cord

Teams are now instructed to sail a 16 foot skiff and race along a water course to one of three buoys, all of which contain copies of their next clue. But, they can’t swim to the clue. Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Gary/Mallory
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Kisha/Jen – Jen: “No swimming? Darn.”
4- Zev/Justin – Zev: “I go sailing every Thursday at 6 pm.”
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Ron/Christina
8- Margie/Luke – (Toyouke: “Aw, I know you are busy ogling Luke.”)
9- Mel/Mike
10- Kent/Vyxsin
11- Jet/Cord

Teams must now get themselves on foot to the PIT STOP, Shelly Beach. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Gary/Mallory – who win the Express Pass. (Toyouke: “Ohhhhh the greeter!”)
2- Amanda/Kris – who are reminded about their U-Turn on the first detour.
3- Kisha/Jen
4- Zev/Justin
5- Flight Time/Big Easy
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Margie/Luke
8- Ron/Christina
9- Mel/Mike
10- Kent/Vyxsin
11- Jet/Cord

And Jet and Cord FINALLY make it to the mat. But? This is a non-elimination leg! Why? Because Phil informs the teams that while this is a Pit Stop, it is a no-rest Pit Stop, so they are to keep racing! And this, my friends? To be continued. . .

ORDER NOW:
1st – Gary/Mallory
2nd – Amanda/Kris
3rd – Kisha/Jen
4th – Zev/Justin
5th – Flight Time/Big Easy
6th – Jaime/Cara
7th – Margie/Luke
8th – Ron/Christina
9th – Mel/Mike
10th – Kent/Vyxsin
11th – Jet/Cord

Next week: The teams are in suspense as Ron resumes his old habits, and Mel can’t seem to hold his health together. Until next time! Clicky clicky