TAR 28 Recap Leg 0, 2-5-16

Welcome back to the Amazing Race! It’s season number twenty-eight, and the gimmick this season involves internet stars! With no access to social media, complete with surprises, U-Turns, and other TAR ridiculousness. (Toyouke: “My thoughts on this casting are, CBS mistakenly believes gimmicks will cause people to watch. I don't know that it will? I guess they think "social media influencers" will bring a built-in audience? Or we'll all be super bored like last season. Also I don't watch any of these people's YouTube channels or Vines or whatever and I'm not about to start just because they're on TV. Also remember Joey? Exactly.“) Oh, and I brought Toyouke along for the snark. Aren’t you lucky? The eleven teams for TAR28 are: (click for more)

Burnie and Ashley, Team Rooster Teeth, are an engaged couple from Austin, Texas. They are the hosts of Rooster Teeth on Youtube. The look like a pretty standard YDC to me. (Toyouke: “They already spend all their time together, so there's that. I also love that Ashley is like "We're old so we remember how to not have a phone". “) And since this whole season is shaping up to be “watch these people survive without technology!”, that promises to be a good thing. Hard to tell how good they will be though. Prediction: Ninth Place.

Cameron and Darius, Team Vine Brothers, are brothers who are famous for making Vine videos from Memphis, Tennessee. See Cameron and Darius in action! They seem fairly competent. (Toyouke: “They have spent a ton of time scoping out everyone else and deciding if they have competition. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. They do have a practical attitude towards sightseeing, which is that sightseeing is what winning Travelocity trips is for.”) I like their attitude. I’d like them to stick around for a bit. Prediction: Sixth Place.

Dana and Matt, Team YouTube Dancers, are fiancées, dancers, choreographers and YouTubers. And Matt is hot. Dana is a lucky girl. See Dana and Matt in action! As a choreographer, I do love dancers. (Toyouke: OK the "we want to win with integrity" aside, I get a good feeling from them. They're dancers, so they're fit, Dana has traveled a lot, they seem low-key. I feel a sleeper team that quietly stays in the middle and has next-to-no screen time until suddenly they're in the finals. “) I agree. Prediction: Second Place.

Erin and Joslyn, Team Clevver, are best friends and coworkers at Clevver. Get a taste of their work over at Clevver News. They seem like the most capable and confident all-female team to me. And they aren’t beauty queens. (Toyouke: “Listen, right away they're like "Us weak girls can't compete physically on the Race with everyone" which both makes me respect their honesty and be really irritated at the implied sexism. OMFG. Josyln speaks in "abbrevs" because she totes doesn't have time for full words. No, I'm full on irritated now. They are trying to be "edgy" and just like those two girls last season who worked for TMZ. You can take your YOLO and shove it up your ass.“) Or not. I think they're in for the long haul. Hope you like them enough, Toyouke! Prediction: Third Place.

Jessica and Brittany, Team Instagram Beauty Queen, are friends and beauty queens from Iowa and Florida respectively. Check out Jessica and Brittany in action! But I’m pretty much blah blah blah beauty queen. (Toyouke: “Two Instagram models and former beauty queens that claim to be totally OK with camping and country, but plan to flirt their way into getting help, and one is bad at directions. So you know they will last forever way past other more deserving teams and probably Kurt and Brodie will try to hit on them. “) Oh, I’m sure there will be hot boys give hot girls Express Pass or something, provided they are around long enough. Prediction: Tenth Place.

Kurt and Brodie, Team Ultimate Frisbee, are super hot boys that play Ultimate Frisbee. I’m ok with that. Now we start to get into the teams in which only one member of the team is really the star; see Brodie in action! I’ll just drool over the hot straight boys for a while. Don’t mind me. (Toyouke: “Someone who grew up watching this show! Children! I think they are frisbee buddies, but Brodie is the one on social media. They seem to have a good sense of humor so they could be cool.”) Oh, are we at that point? Season 28, fourteen years. Yeah we are. Golly, I feel old all of a sudden. I’m thinking surprise exit for the boys, sadly. Prediction: Eleventh Place.

Marty and Hagan, Team Viral Video Family, are a mother-daughter team from Texas. Marty is the social media star, and she’s had a viral video. That’s it. OK, folks, we’re stretching here. (Toyouke: “This is the viral video mom and the daughter sort of has followers but is hot and I guess that's how they're here. They both know they don't have the same fame as everyone else. Supposedly this is how they will be underestimated. This team is how you know they were really stretching for casting, because being the star of a viral video that someone else posted does not make you a "social media influencer."”) Agreed. But they seem competent. Prediction: Seventh Place.

Scott and Blair, Team Juicy Star, are a father-daughter team from Kingsport, Tennessee. Blair is the YouTube star, known as Juicy Star on YouTube. Father-Daughter teams generally don’t have a great track record, except for Ronald and Christina from TAR 12. (Toyouke: “I assume a beauty guru will have the same issues as any other beauty queen who has to wear makeup every day or whatever. Just listen to her list of makeup she's bringing. Scott is so weird this season because when he says "I have a medical degree and I'm involved with medical insurance reform" and all I can think of is "This is the only person this season who has done anything important with their life." I know that's not true but that was my first thought.”) Not feeling it. Prediction: Eighth Place.

Sheri and Cole, Team Vine Family, are a mother-son team from Alabama. Cole is the Vine star on the team. I could watch him all day. (Toyouke: “So Cole is a Viner but his mom claims to also have 27,000 followers. So who is following a Viner's mom? He claims to have 7.5 million followers. Really? Whatever. I don't think they travel internationally very much, so there's that. I am not feeling it.") Well, I am. (Toyouke: “Down, boy.”) Prediction: Fourth Place.

Tyler and Korey, Team Hot Gay YouTube Celebrities, are hot. Oh, and best friends from Jackson, Michigan. If you don’t know who Tyler Oakley is, what rock do you live under? And Korey is cool too, I guess. Seriously, if they don’t do well, I don’t think the internet will be able to handle it. (Toyouke: “Their whole interview is about how they really know each other which doesn't make them different from most other teams. So far...whatever. Although he may benefit from fans being Ferns.”) So true. Prediction: Winners, TAR28.

Zach and Rachel, Team Vine YMC, are married. And adorable. Zach makes magic Vines, which, if you’ve never seen, are worth checking out. (Toyouke: “Zach's cute, I guess. She produces his videos so she does understand what he does for a living. Also they've thought about how their strengths compliment each other. Also they're like "We've been watching the Race since we were kids" because we are old. “) I could watch them for a while. Prediction: Fifth Place.

And there it is. An oddly well rounded batch of contestants. Don’t forget to tune in on Friday, February 12 at 7:00 pm CDT for the hour premiere. See you with the first recap soon!