Project Runway 7/24/14--"The Judges Decide" summary

Previously on Project Runway: some serious bullshit drama and casting that clearly shows that they don’t do psych evaluations anymore. I’m not super excited for this season, but I’m sure this particular episode will be OK. The first one usually is. But there seem to be 18 designers, which is too many. (click for more)

Once again we begin with “Road to the Runway” which is where we see who got to show up to auditions and we learn everyone’s backstory. Because of course everyone has a backstory. Everyone is put in a category: people who have applied before, people who have a tragic backstory (oh, sorry, “From Rags to Stitches” Jesus that is terrible), loudmouths, people who are boring but that can’t be a category so we’ll call them all business, immigrants. Also we’re led to believe that having Tim at auditions blows everyone’s mind. Plus they’re bringing back someone from a previous season, for no reason other than to have Ken as an option so everyone can freak out.

Everyone pretends to walk around New York hauling their crap in garment bags. Heidi says they’re going to cut three people. God I hope so. The chyron says “Final Audition” and that three people will be cut immediately. The judges are here to do this, which is too bad because it means Heidi is here and she doesn’t always have the best eye. Tim appears and tells everyone to relax. Some last minute futzing and ironing but thankfully no one appears to be sewing. Also introductions. There are a few people who get sound bites, but I’m not sure if that’s meaningful in an editing way.

Korina is first. She’s part American Indian and has some colorblocking. Everything in squares that meet in the middle like 4-square. Heidi decides she wants to buy the coat. A weird swing coat with big sleeves. Jefferson was a dancer. He owns many drop crotch pants. Also his clothes have weird cutouts for no reason. Emily has a kid’s line. This is also her 4^th season auditioning. She really gets no screen time here. Sean is from New Zealand and all he gets to say is his work is androgynous. This translates to “menswear but with skirts”. Emmanuel immediately says he designs for people like Heidi. Zac says it doesn’t all go together.

Char has lots of pockets. She’s one of the people with the tragic backstory we found out in the intro show, but she says none of it right now. Kristine appears onscreen, everyone says nice things to her, she leaves. Alexander has a huge coat. Mitchell is the designated Josh/Gunnar successor. If he stays. He loves men’s jumpsuits just so you know. Zac pretends he feels like Mitchell will surprise them instead of smelling the drama from 10 feet away and deciding to keep him for that reason. Nzinga is Muslim, and all her clothes are modest. They don’t look dowdy though, and I want her to stay for a long time to see what happens. Tim has…”creative” facial hair and also worked as a real tailor so his construction should be on point. But I think he called Nina and Heidi middle-aged so he might be in trouble.

Carrie has a lot of seaming. She’s got purple hair and her dog is her child and the longer I watch her the more I get the sense that she’s different for the sake of being different. Purple hair not because that’s the colors she likes but so everyone else will see it and know she’s edgy. Maybe I’m wrong. Hernan is from the Dominican Republic and namedrops J. Lo but Nina doesn’t like his taste level. I love Nina. Also he’s shown at Fashion Week TWICE so why is he here? Samantha is onscreen long enough to say “urbany”. Kini has a ton of denim. Nina says she loves it. Fade (there’s an umlaut over the A and I’m not finding that shit a million times a week) grew up in East Germany so of course Heidi starts speaking German to show off. Nina hates the whole rack. Angela used to be an engineer but sadly is not the same kind of designer as Diana. No electronics. She is super nervous. Sandhya is from India so she has a ton of colors which I like. There is also a piece with a print that is middle fingers.

The judges discuss who is going through and who is not. We’re about to find out so whatever. Sean, Samantha, Kristine, Sandhya (so of course now we know they’re in, too many people in the list), and Alexander are in. Angela is also in. Tim is out. Korina, Kini, Emily, Jefferson, Char, and Fade are in. Hernan is in. Why is she listing like 6 people at once and then one single person? Mitchell drama queens about being left until last but he’s in. You know he’s in. Drama. Nzinga is out, which is unsurprising but sad. Carrie is in. So Emmanuel is out. Everyone toasts and then goes home.

In the morning there are boxes on the workstations and the accessory wall. Carrie gushes over it and Mitchell says she’s annoying already. Good job, dick, it’s been 3 minutes. She makes a face but I don’t know if she heard him or that’s from somewhere else. The boxes make it look like Chopped. A wise producer has put drama queen Mitchell next to the returning designer, which makes me think it’s one of the boys and I do NOT want to see either of them. I have no memory of Amanda but Alexander and Ken are not people I care about. Accessory wall is now from Aldo and the fridge is product placement now? What? Ugh. OH THANK GOD AMANDA. She’s from season 11 and ooohhhh her brother is in Maroon 5 and that was the team season. That’s all I remember. Whatever, it’s not Alexander or Ken.

Tim says the first challenge is to imagine your spring collection as if you’ve already made it to Fashion Week. Probably half the people in this room will be doing that, but we won’t mention it now. So you will make one look from this imaginary collection that you will probably make eventually. Each box has 5 fabrics, 3 yards of each fabric. They’re all different so you can trade with others. One day. Everyone flips out but have you not ever seen this show? They never give you two days anymore. Also duh.

Some of this fabric is OK and some is terrible. Lots of trading. Amanda is wandering with her fabric but won’t say “Please trade with me” so no one is trading and she sounds offended. Come on girl. Jefferson has a very low cut V-neck on in confessional. Angela is trying to be more exciting. Hey we only have an hour and 16 people so it’s really rushed. Mitchell is wearing a plaid shirt with the sleeves cut out and weird glasses and saying “yeeeeh” as if he’s street and the plaid makes him butch. Sandhya talks about her arranged marriage and dyes some of her fabric.

A bunch of people all hang out and Angela looks like she might pass out. Or have a breakdown. Samantha thinks telling her “overthinking is a problem” is helping but it comes off as berating. I mean, Angela is like if I don’t respond it’s because I’m thinking about stuff and Samantha is all well that’s dumb.

Tim time! Amanda claims that the last time she was on, she didn’t want everyone to roll their eyes at her so she didn’t speak up enough so she wasn’t herself? What? You were too nice? Ugh. I don’t remember her being this annoying and full of herself. Was she and I just forgot? Jefferson wants a top with multiple layers and “fluttering” but Tim says it probably won’t do that. Sandhya wants zippers as trim but Tim says it’s terribly crafty. Amanda is like “I don’t get it, I don’t get it”. Shut up Amanda. Char should leave her shirt untucked. Angela has a weird cutout on the hip and Tim implies her model will have to make sure to wax. Carrie has Sailor Moon anime buns. Kristine has some shit she slapped together and Tim agrees. Mitchell interviews some vague words about his rough childhood that say absolutely nothing concrete. They sound like a person who wants to lie but doesn’t want actual lies to pass his lips so he just says stuff like “I couldn’t live that life so I worked really hard”. Tom and Lorenzo are calling him “Jorts McFlipFlop”. I’ll still call him Mitchell but I had to share that because that shit is hilarious.

Three hours left. Model fittings. Mitchell claims his model reminds him of himself. There are several people who seem to have spent time working on their shade-throwing and bitchy comment-making skills instead of, you know, designing. No one is particularly funny though. Sandhya doesn’t seem to have anything done.

The apartments are cramped as always. The boys talk about everyone else and everyone seems to think saying “it just doesn’t work for me” instead of “that is fugly” makes them nice people.

Runway day. Tim says everyone will send their models to the hair studio (it’s Phillip B. now which is new right?) and the “Mary Kay Color Design Studio” (UGH). Then they’ll have 15 minutes to prep. Interesting, so they changed that format? OMG where is Scott? Who the fuck is this bald guy? Luis? YOU BASTARDS WHERE IS HOT MAKEUP GUY SCOTT!?! I am so mad about this. Mitchell offers to help whoever and then tells us in confessional that he’s just such a nice guy. I have disliked him since the Road to the Runway and you just know he’ll make it to the finale. He is SUCH a nice guy he gossips about Sandhya to Korina, after he’s been helping Sandhya finish. Angela runs around and irons the clothes while the model is wearing them. Nice.

Heidi lists all the prizes, which somehow include designing accessories for Red Robin servers. Guest judge is Julie Bowen. The Tim Save is back again. Sandhya: slim sheath with long sleeves and weird shoulder flaps and frayed hems. The boatneck and sleeves are nice but then it’s like little wings sticking out. The fabric is an OK floral with a light background, dyed with orange in an ombre effect. Angela: tight gray pants and a tight royal blue off-the-shoulder top. The top has a long scarf-like piece down one side, but short on the other to show off the horizontal cut-outs in the pants. Then when she turns around the butt is strange and there is no waistband. Alexander: trapeze dress (where it just hangs from her neck like an A-line skirt) in a black and white print like dead branches. Around her shoulders is a very loud floral print in yellows and reds like a high collar. Also has shoulder wings. Sean: gray and black dress that hits below the knee. It looks like he took the gray and cut out shapes to stitch to the black. It doesn’t look as bad as I’m making it sound. Carrie: short dress with very wide hips and a halter neck with a keyhole. Like panniers, these hips, very stiff. The print is nice. I don’t tend to like when designers make the model’s hips look wider on purpose though. There are cut outs on the side too. Samantha: long black jumpsuit, I think, or a top and pants. There is a piece that hangs off the back but only on one side. That’s about it. Mitchell: shorts and a T-shirt that hangs off one shoulder. That’s basically it. The shorts and sleeves of the shirt are in the black and white dead tree print, and the body of the shirt is yellow. I could probably buy that at the mall right now. Kini: very cute sundress in the loud floral print and a black jacket maybe? It’s nice but also something I could buy at the mall.

Jefferson: high-waisted pleated powder blue shorts, and a crop top in black and white. The top is a little asymmetrical, but not that exciting, and since the shorts are so high there’s no skin showing. Weird. She looks like her shorts are riding up. Emily: long blue maxi dress, with an overlay of a print like a corset. The print is all browns and blues. It looks OK, I guess, but not that great. Hernan: sheath in the light floral print, with one extra strap on her left side that hangs off her shoulder. That’s it. Korina: long jumpsuit in coral, with a train. Maybe not a train, but like the back half of a skirt hanging down behind the pants legs. Belt and halter top with a loose turtleneck. It’s actually not bad. Kristine: crop top or tube top and long skirt in baby pink with light yellow at the hems. The back is just yellow straps. Amanda: the top is a sleeveless black top with a high neck, and longer on the sides that in front. The pants are tight gray pants with large diamond panels in a lighter gray down the sides. Fade: dress with short sleeves and bodice in light gray, V-neck, and full skirt in a print with flowers. It’s not that exciting. Char: full skirt in the brown and blue print, and a swingy crop top in yellow with really full elbow-length sleeves. The top has a high neck but you can see her stomach and all of her back.

Thank God that’s done. Amanda, Jefferson, Mitchell, Sandhya, Char, and Angela are the best and the worst. Char wanted something clean and also pockets. Nina loves it. Julie is skeptical of the crop top but still likes it. Zac likes that she worked with the actual fabric to get the draping right. Mitchell says this is something he’d wear if he was a girl. Nina doesn’t make much of an effort to hide her contempt for how boring it is. It’s one piece too which is kind of junior, but no one knew that anyway. They all thought it was separates. Then Julie says it’s DIY and they put up that DIY means Do It Yourself as an onscreen chyron. Seriously? Seriously? Bravo never once explained any of the ridiculous vocab Tim uses and Lifetime feels that we will be horribly lost if we don’t know what DIY means? I hate this show. Anyway, it’s not polished and “fun” is not enough of an adjective. Sandhya refers to Indian festivals and colors. Julie likes the silhouette except for the shoulders. They like it? Huh. The judges talk about her ideas and not as much about the look, which I’m taking to mean they see some potential but they don’t like this particular look. Or they were told by the producers that Amanda and Mitchell think she sucks and so Sandhya should get praise so their heads will explode. You guys know how stupid you look making faces on the runway, right?

Jefferson immediately gets nailed for his look being terrible. Nina says WTF. Jeez, the shorts come up like, 3 inches above her waist. And they’re tight so you can see where her hips start and where her waist is. He tries to act like he’s trying to learn from what they’re saying and could they explain more about what’s wrong with it so he can learn. But I think he’s just showing them he thinks it’s fine so they’re going to worry about his taste level. Amanda is very smug and talks about dramatic daywear or whatever. Nina loves the pants while Zac loves the top. Julie thinks the pants don’t need the pattern. Heidi decides to be contrary and say it’s too boring. Angela was trying to be wearable. Nina declares the slits on the pants “sluts” because she’s apparently been taking lessons from Kors in the off-season. Plus the back is terrible. Heidi says there are too many things going on. Angela explains they told her to be more exciting, but apparently she didn’t do it right.

Tim is still horrified by Angela’s pants but seriously? They aren’t that slutty. She doesn’t need a wax job. Calm down. Heidi does remind everyone they told Angela to be more exciting. Mitchell’s look is worse. Oh you know they wouldn’t kick the drama queen out. Still hate Jefferson’s look. Char’s look stands up to close scrutiny. Sandhya is not afraid of weird things, clearly. Everyone talks about how they see potential which is odd because usually when they say that, the look is a failure in execution. And I don’t think Sandhya failed in execution. Amanda gets more praise.

The judges quickly decide that Sandhya is not going to win, because the other two are more well-made. Or at least Nina is the voice of reason while Zac and Heidi pretend like they’d reward creativity over professional-looking garments. Angela didn’t do well, but Julie thinks they might want to see who she is. Nina makes a face. Well do you want to see more of who Mitchell is? Nina says no, she knows who Mitchell is and she’s really not interested in seeing it. Hee. Heidi hates Jefferson more. Nina hates it too, but it’s a little more daring than Mitchell, who also gets nailed by Zac for just wanting to be fun. Whatever.

Sandhya…wins? Huh? I mean…I’m OK with it if only because Mitchell and Amanda do a really shitty job of hiding their bitchfaces. And she gets immunity. Amanda and Char are in. When they get back to the Scrap Bin, instead of the winner announcing themselves (or the other top designers pointing them out), Amanda just starts talking about how they’re all safe and “guess who won?” and shut up Amanda. You didn’t win. When Sandhya manages to tell everyone she won, Samantha immediately declares she’s the only person who thought Sandhya would win. Why would you do that? I think Samantha is a shit-disturber and we just didn’t notice because Mitchell was talking too much. Good job, you just pissed off everyone else in the room. Korina is like “now I have no idea what the judges are looking for” as if 1. she did before this and 2. anyone else knows what they’re looking for. Angela is in. She promises to be awesome later. Mitchell is in, because you know they wouldn’t get rid of him. So Jefferson is out. He’s pretty upset to be the first out because he was looking forward to this experience.

This season: rain for some reason, auctions, alternative wedding dress, team drama, Tim says “this is nothing if not the season of the vagina”, my cable signal was jacked up so I missed some of it. But it looks like the usual.