Previously on Project Runway: You guys, I’ve been writing about “Project Runway” since last July. Last. July.
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I’m tired. I am just tired of this show. Because you know what they might do, is right after this season ends they start another season of All Stars and then “Project Runway” is on Lifetime every single week. And New York Fashion Week starts two weeks from tonight. That means they will have FOURTEEN COLLECTIONS SHOWING. Out of sixteen. What the actual fuck. It’s just…no break, everyone gets to show at fashion week (unless there are multiple eliminations), no Kors, and teams. It is not sustainable.
The “Road to the Runway” is the same as last time, in that everyone talks about their lives and whatever hardships they’ve had and they’re all going to talk about them again later so I’ll watch it but I’m not recapping it. Why Laura Kathleen is a judge to pick out contestants I don’t know. But I don’t really care either. This is what happens, Lifetime. Fatigue. Some girl says she was a Mormon, and Mormons aren’t as conservative as everyone thinks, and she dated a member of Maroon Five but not Adam Levine so…like, what is the point then? One guy has a creepy cat obsession. I guess having this hour gives Zanna Roberts something to do.
OK. Actual show. Tim says best season ever, but he always says that. Every challenge is a team challenge. They try to claim this is because in the real world you always work with other people, but really they just want the drama. And I’m fine with drama. But I don’t want you to go out of your way to manufacture drama. Designers arrive at Parsons. Layana is Brazilian. Richard is from Sacramento, “The Other Fashion Capital”. Heh. No. Kate is a “lone wolf” but she knows how to delegate. So I guess she’ll be bossy. Michelle says she’s “thirty-fo-dorable!” Sigh. Daniel has a waxed hipster mustache. Why do people do that? James both drops his hat and trips upon walking in, so maybe he’ll injure himself. Emily works full time and then goes home and sews so she’s used to long hours. Remember that for later. Benjamin is from Australia and has very blond hair. Cindy is a funeral director. Really? Nice. I like it.
Heidi and Tim walk out. Well, they stand behind the scrim until everyone notices and then they walk out to applause. Heidi says there is only one winner, instead of saying only three will show at Fashion Week, because we all know that’s not happening. Then Heidi explains the teams thing. Samantha says it’s not that she’s not a team player, she just likes to be on her own team. Richard is all, “sad face”, and at the moment he’s funny but I wonder if his shtick will get old. Right now they’re being divided into two teams of eight. Daniel, Amanda, Layana, Richard, Patricia, Joe, Stanley, and Kate will be one team. That means the other team is Benjamin, Cindy, Emily, James, Matthew, Michelle, Samantha, and Tu. Benjamin thinks his team is cutting edge, but Emily doesn’t think she has anything in common with her team.
The first challenge is to “make a garment that shows us who you are as a designer, with the input of your team to guide you.” Someone you are supposed to know everyone’s strengths and whatever. There’s a winning team and a losing team, but only one winner and one loser. Inspiration is New York City. However Daniel’s team will go out on the Hudson on a boat, to look “from afar”. The other team will go up to the roof of the apartments and look “from above”. That’s not such a bad set of rules.
Up on the roof everyone drinks champagne and talks about how being on top is already winning. The boat team names their team “Team Keepin’ it Real”. Stanley says he’s a costumer and he tells everyone he has no weaknesses. They get champagne on the boat also. James says he was always told he’d make it. He talks a lot. Patricia is a Native American and she yells? I don’t know. Everyone is nice to each other so far.
Eventually everyone moves into the apartments. Amanda and Michelle are friends after an hour or whatever. Amanda knew it would happen. Michelle is already kind of freaking out. The non-boat team is apparently the “Dream Team”. Team KIR and Dream Team.
The workroom at Parsons is super crowded. Each team is on one side, but it looks very cramped. Cindy always dreamed of doing this and she sounds like maybe she’s already crying. Tim comes to greet them and gets cheers. Lots of product placement and branding of rooms and accessory walls. Tim gushes about the teams again. I notice they are mentioning how awesome teams are at every chance. Each team is getting $1200, which is $150 per person. However if they feel like dividing it up differently they can. One day to sew. Benjamin is a perfectionist so time management may be a problem.
Kate thinks each person should spend whatever they want, and then they’ll pool the leftovers and ask who needs more. She just wants to spend a lot. No one shoots her down yet. Benjamin seems to be taking the lead, but no one minds. Richard talks about a day-to-evening dress. Cindy loves architecture. You’ll notice that while somehow the designers will be judged on if they listen to their teammates, they are ultimately making something that showcases themselves. Each team of eight will have eight random designs. They don’t have to go together at all. So how is that like the real world again? Exactly.
Patricia is painting squares on her fabric. It looks cool, actually. Layana thinks it is too crafty. Emily worries about time. I guess your stuff doesn’t have to match anyone else’s, but if your teammates suck, then you’re up for elimination. Daniel says his teammates are weak in construction. The Dream Team seems to be working more solo, while Team KIR has a couple people leading and more collaboration.
Eight hours left, and it’s Tim Time! Tim is here to moderate, participate, and facilitate. Heh. There is good feedback happening here, on the Dream Team. James doesn’t really like his feedback, but he wants to be a team player. Emily is getting nervous. She may not have time to make her jacket. Kate’s team tells her to ditch the sleeves, but she’s not happy about it because she doesn’t give a shit about them. Just Tim. He agrees though. They actually applaud Layana. Patricia has slashes.
Back to work. Michelle is nervous for her team. Model fitting. Daniel already has his jacket and pants on the mannequin. Emily has nothing but muslin. Her team kind of freaks because they’ll have to help her, and if she fails they’ll all fail.
Day of the runway. Michelle doesn’t know if she wants to help Emily, and Cindy says they do have to weed out the herd. When they get to Parsons, though, Cindy offers to help her. Emily says she won’t judge again, I guess because she thought Cindy was a lame old lady. Tim gives them two hours. Hot makeup guy Scott. I notice that when he is Laura Mercier he gets a name, but when he is L’Oreal he has no name. That’s not very nice, L’Oreal. Emily hopes the rest of her team is so awesome they’ll win.
Heidi is wearing a sheer shirt. Tacky. Zac Posen has replaced Kors, but thank God Nina is still here. Guest judge is Christian. Team KIR is up first. Stanley: dark slate blue jumpsuit, sleeveless with a collar. It’s kind of shiny metallic but it’s cool and looks well-sewn. Kate: heather gray sheath dress with some piping along the neckline and around her chest. It makes an X. Nice. Richard: asymmetric dress, with one arm, and a diagonal wide gray stripe in the middle of black. The side opposite the arm is slightly longer and that arm has a split sleeve? There is some draping. Interesting anyway. Patricia: short shift dress, kind of blocky, with the print looking like angles and corners. The print is good, but I don’t like how blocky it is, really. Amanda: dark blue tank top with a long tail on one side, and grey skinny pants with some darker gray inset blocks on her hip. Layana: pretty short black dress. That’s it. The neckline is kind of pointy and the back is all laced up but it’s not very exciting. And bright pink shoes. Joe: the dress is made up of long rectangles of different lengths, all pleated in box pleats. So part of the dress is knee length and part is longer, and it’s pretty loose. I don’t know if I like it. Daniel: black suit, crop pants and a big peplum. A deep V neckline and sleeves. The pants are tight but they aren’t skin tight so they maybe should be.
Dream Team. Matthew: white sleeveless button down top with a string tie, and a wide stiff skirt like a bell, in a gray diamond print. Samantha: I think the dress is very dark blue, with some chiffon on top of the short skirt so it waves around. The neckline has some chevrons and sheer pieces and there is a lot of movement but why hot pink shoes? Tu: short skirt, about mid-thigh, and a crop jacket (so exposed midriff). The jacket has a zipper and wide sleeves, and then the back of the outfit is all black while the front is white. James: white tank top with some folding at the neck, and a black skirt with an inset pink triangle on one side. Eh. Emily: very short black skirt, and a weird metallic silver and black top that shows some skin, and then it looks like she took some chiffon and stapled pleats into it and put it on her model’s shoulders. It’s pretty bad. Benjamin: gray and beige dress with a mullet hem. It looks like he took rectangles of fabric and tacked them onto the dress so they hang loosely. The top is sheer from just above her boobs up and there’s some weird thing at her shoulder. Cindy: long sleeveless dress in a weird cheetah print. Like, it’s sort of cheetah and sort of blue with spots. Then there’s a belt with red and white checks. I’m not sure. Michelle: short black dress (she says it’s waxed denim) in a simple dress with a fuller skirt. It looks like the skirt is lined in a light blue, you can see it in front, and then straps criss crossing over her chest and a big pouch.
Heidi does not waste time and says Team KIR wins. First up is the top three from this team, Daniel, Richard, and Patricia. Back in the Scrap Bin, they talk about how they don’t disagree with the judges and how maybe someone who has a decent score will go home because a total failure was saved by their teammates. So while they talk to the top three, everyone else has to stand there too. Daniel was inspired by the shapes of buildings. They love the shape of his suit and that it’s very well made. Christian says the neckline is subtle but beautiful. It is a nice narrow V with a little curve to it. Richard thought of gray, for concrete. The asymmetrical aspect of it, is why everyone loved it. It’s different. He says he was going to do bindings or something, and his team told him to tone it down. Good choice. Patricia reveals that under each “corner” of her print, she’s cut the fabric and there is cobalt blue underneath. Neat! I like the peeking. Heidi cuts her off because she talks too much. They like the hand work, but Zac wants another shape. Nina knows it should be a simple shape though.
Dream Team. Bottom three are James, Cindy, and Emily. James wanted to colorblock his plain white tank top, but he says the team told him that was too simple. Too simple? So there’s some detail instead? I guess some pleating. It’s boring. Heidi rubs it in that Tu and Benjamin had great outfits but they couldn’t win. Emily tries to describe what she was going to make, if she had had time. Christian is nice and says he almost sees what she was doing. When she takes off the sheer drape thing, the top is like, a bib. Nina says in all eleven seasons she’s never seen such an unfinished garment on the runway. Ouch. She wonders why no one leant Emily fabric, and Michelle is like, we did help her, she had nothing before, this is an improvement. Cindy says her cheetah print reminded her of the colors of the city. The team actually stands behind her and says they wanted the dress so you could see all the print. The patterns don’t go and there’s nothing “New York” about it. Zac can’t tell who she is as a designer, and Cindy says this is not her. Nina tells the team that the low scores were so low they pulled down some good designers.
Heidi talks about how great teams are, again, like WE GET IT. The more you talk about how great it is, the worse I think it is. Patricia actually manipulated the fabric and they really like that. She has a strong point of view. Daniel was interesting and of the moment. Richard’s dress was versatile and Christian says sometimes a flowing gown is harder than a structured piece. James was boring and his top was just bad. Cindy wasn’t inspired by the city and her dress was just bad anyway. Emily…well clearly Emily did not do well. Nina tries to bring up how her team told them they all think Emily has potential, while the other two were boring.
Daniel is the winner. He’s thrilled. So of course Patricia and Richard are in. James is in. Cindy is in. Huh. Well, clearly Emily should be out, but I did wonder when they tried to bring up how she has potential. Poor thing, she’s crying. First one out is hard, but she didn’t make anything. She has a lot to think about.
This season: Paris? OK. Plenty of drama and fighting. Half naked men. Bette Midler! No good sound bites. And a duck. Seriously that’s what I got from that series of clips. Fighting, Bette Midler, and a duck.