TAR20, Recap Leg 1, 2/19/12

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, and it couldn’t come soon enough. This time, we are traveling through California. AGAIN. This time, though, all the teams are on bicycles in a peloton. Phil: “We’re riding through the heart of wine country!” (Toyouke: “Santa Barbara is NOT "the heart of America's wine country". Jesus Christ, Phil. OK...maybe I will give some points back for bike shorts and use of "peloton".”) While biking, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Dave and Cherie, AKA The Ambassadors of Laughter, are clowns from Tampa, Florida, and the “Ambassadors of Laughter” moniker is theirs. Dave: “What goes around comes around!” (Toyouke: “It's been 10 seconds and: shut up clowns.”)

Bopper and Mark, AKA Kentucky Hillbillies, are hillbillies from Kentucky. Bopper: “We’re from the other side of the tracks!” They are going to be full of sound bites.

Misa and Maiya, AKA Team Pineapple Express, are sisters from San Diego, California. They are both golfers, and Maiya went pro in 2009. They think they are pretty.

Brendon and Rachel, AKA Team Sparkles, met on Big Brother 12. And now they are racing! They fell in love and are now here to win! I just want them to go away and stop casting idiots from other reality shows. (Toyouke: “Also shut up Big Brother.”)

Joey “Fitness” and Dan, AKA Team Guido Junior, are friends from Long Island, who are proud to be living the Guido lifestyle. They don’t want to be compared to the Jersey Shore guys, but I think they make a great couple.

Nary and Jamie, AKA The Fembots, are federal agents from Los Angeles. Nary: “We mentally need to be tougher than other officers. So TAR will be a piece of cake.” Jamie: “I like cake!”

Rachel and Dave, AKA Team Free Ron Again!, are two years into their marriage from Madison Wisconsin. Dan is a major in the US Army, and has been in Iraq the last year. Dan: “We’re using this as our chance to reconnect.” Good luck with that.

Elliot and Andrew, AKA The Wondertwins, are hot twins from Scottsdale, Arizona. Elliot is in a rock band, and Andrew plays MLS soccer. I will be drooling now. (Toyouke: “Hot twin brothers are dorks.”)

Kerri and Stacy, AKA Team Double Bubble, are cousins from Gulfport, Mississippi. They like to get dirty. They will be fun. (Toyouke: “We'll be in the mud, as long as there aren't any chickens.")

Vanessa and Ralph, AKA The Dating Divorcees, are dating from San Antonio. They’ve known each other for fifteen years, during which time both of them got married to other people and divorced.

Art and JJ, AKA Team Patrulla Fronteriza, are boarder patrol agents. JJ: “He’s the brains, and I’m the brawn!” Art: “You’re talking like you’re the Beauty in Beauty and the Beast!”

The camera careens to Bridlewood Estate Winery where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is NOT on their bags. Instead, teams must find them in the balloons hanging above the grape vines in the vineyard. Teams must pull down the 100 balloons to find 1 of eleven clues. Once teams find a clue, they will be able to get into a Ford Taurus and start racing. AND the first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on any leg that they choose, either before they start it or during up to the end of the eighth leg of the race. Oh, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Bridlewood Estate Winery, Santa Barbara, California, USA

Clue: Travel to Santa Barbara, Argentina! Make your way to Los Angeles International Airport and find the American Airlines ticket counter to get tickets to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Once there, the first six teams will get on the better connection to Salta, Argentina, the city closest to your ultimate destination. Then, teams drive themselves to Santa Barbara to get their next clue.

Since teams have to find their clues in order to leave, the departure order follows naturally. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Elliot/Andrew
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
4- Kerri/Stacy
5- Brendon/Rachel
6- Rachel/Dave
7- Nary/Jamie
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Art/JJ – who thank the Lord when they find a clue. (God: “We’re not starting this again, are we? I’m in the tub.”)
10- Bopper/Mark – (Toyouke: “I like that the hicks get hick music.”)
11- Misa/Maiya – who spend about two hours searching for their clue. Good thing they are guaranteed a flight. (Toyouke: “How does it take you almost two hours to go through that field?”)

Teams drive themselves to the airport and find the marked parking lot.

Once everyone arrives, there’s no jockeying for position, and the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1:
1) Elliot/Andrew
2) Brandon/Rachel
3) Nary/Jamie
4) Art/JJ
5) Rachel/Dave
6) Vanessa/Ralph

Flight 2:
1) Joey “Fitness”/Danny
2) Kerri/Stacy
3) Dave/Cherie
4) Bopper/Mark
5) Misa/Maiya

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Clue Lines down south to Buenos Aires and Salta.

Teams arrive at Salta in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Nary/Jamie
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Elliot/Andrew
5- Rachel/Dave
6- Vanessa/Ralph
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8- Bopper/Mark
9- Misa/Maiya
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Dave/Cherie

Teams now get in their cars and drive themselves to Santa Barbara and arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Nary/Jamie
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Rachel/Dave
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Misa/Maiya
8- Kerri/Stacy
9- Bopper/Mark
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
11- Dave/Cherie – who start to freak out at the possibility of being last.

Teams take the clue (Toyouke: “THAT IS NOT A CLUE BOX THAT IS A BASKET.”) and find out that they need to drive to Aerodromo Gilberto Lavaque to get their next clue. They arrive and find the clue in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8- Bopper/Mark
9- Misa/Maiya
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Dave/Cherie

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue. (Toyouke: “See, THAT is a clue box.”)

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s got a great sense of direction?

In this roadblock, one team member must get in the car and drive with a map to a location where they will meet their teammate, who will be skydiving from 10000 feet. Once they are reunited with their teammate, the dive captain will give them their next clue. NOTE: Ralph and Andrew MUST take the Roadblock.

(Toyouke: “That is MEAN. See, if we were there, you would assume the roadblock is "jump out of a plane". But the clue says the OTHER person is the skydiver. It's like a Mole twist! OMG I miss the Mole.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock (which means they did not skydive):

1- Art
2- Brendon
3- Dave B.
4- Jamie
5- Ralph – Vanessa: "My uterus is in my throat!”
6- Andrew
7- Danny – who can’t drive stick shift. “My mother said I should have learned.” (Toyouke: “Should have listened to your mother. Stupid guido.”)
8- Bopper
9- Maiya – who gets her car stuck in the sand. This is not your leg, ladies. (Auburnium013: “Why is her rear wiper on?”)
10- Kerri – who really wanted to skydive. And Stacy is worried her chute won’t open. (Toyouke: “If the parachute doesn't open, you'll be dead. That's what'll happen.”)
11- Cherie

After much driving and skydiving, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Bopper/Mark
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Misa/Maiya

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Patios de Cafayate Winery and search the grounds for a clue.

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel
2- Art/JJ
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Bopper/Mark
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Misa/Maiya – who leave their bags in the car. That’s risky. . .

Teams are now instructed to make empanadas. They must make 60 meat and 60 cheese empanadas, and each one has its own crimping style on the edge. Once complete, the Empanada Champion will give them their next clue. (Toyouke: “I feel that I knew somewhere in my head that different empanada fillings get different crimping or shapes or whatever. But I would guess I wouldn't remember that when it came right down to it. “)

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Kerri/Stacy
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Bopper/Mark – Bopper: “We’re making piñatas!”
10- Misa/Maiya
11- Joey “Fitness”/Danny – who complain they got beat by clowns. (Toyouke: “Oh they aren't the only clowns here.”)

(Toyouke: “I wish this was a Detour: make empanadas or learn the dance everyone is doing in the courtyard.”)

Teams must now make their way to the PIT STOP, Patios de Cafayate Winery. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win the Express Pass.
2- Brendon/Rachel – (Toyouke: “Good. You didn't get your precious Express Pass.”)
3- Art/JJ
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Kerri/Stacy
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Bopper/Mark
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
11- Misa/Maiya

And Misa and Maiya are the last team to arrive, because they had to go get their bags AND they missed seeing Phil the first time they ran into the Pit Stop area. That’s ok, they weren’t the brightest. (Toyouke: “Are you KIDDING me?!?! I was going to say, defeated by empanadas, but apparently defeated by not being observant AT ALL.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Brendon/Rachel
3rd – Art/JJ
4th – Nary/Jamie
5th – Vanessa/Ralph
6th – Elliot/Andrew
7th – Kerri/Stacy
8th – Dave/Cherie
9th – Bopper/Mark
10th – Joey “Fitness”/Danny

Next week: More Argentina! The boarder patrol guys are running, Big Brother is yelling, and Kentucky is just having fun! Until next time!