Top Chef 2/29/12--"Finale" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: A bunch of nonsense where this show, which is supposed to be about food and cooking, tried desperately to be several other shows, such as “Survivor: Redemption Island“, “The Mole“, and “The Amazing Race“. After a season that was SEVENTEEN episodes long (and for comparison, a regular scripted television show has a 22 episode season) we are finally done. I don’t particularly care who wins, in that I am sort of rooting for the least offensive person, but I am rooting more for being done. (click for more)

Montage of Paul winning a bunch and Sarah drama. Hey, there was a commercial for “Around the World in 80 Plates!” Oh, good, it doesn’t start until May. We’ll get a break.

We come back while Paul and Sarah are still at Judges’ Table. Tom tells them the final challenge, which is the same as it generally is: make a four-course tasting menu “in the restaurant of your dreams”. They’ll take over other restaurants for the evening to serve whatever they want. Padma promises them “outstanding” sous chefs. Sarah says this is the goal she’s had this entire competition. I hope so. She’s pushed back her wedding, so I hope her fiancée is OK with her TV persona.

Padma watches as a whole gang of people wander into the kitchen. I do not recognize any of them. Paul and Sarah sit in the hotel and discuss who might show up to be sous chefs. Sarah particularly says if Malibu is there she’ll be too distracted by his hotness to work. Oh, he’s not THAT hot. Back in the kitchen, Padma explains that some of these people didn’t even make the final cut. They were part of the 30 that got cut right away. Then why are they here? Also, two fairly famous people with James Beard awards. . Each chef will compete to be sous chefs for the final two. This is stupid. Why are we combining every possible variation of this setup? Either have eliminated contestants, or famous sous chefs. Do we really need both? And to have them compete on top of that? I didn’t get the names of the famous people and they didn’t put them up on the screen so I am taking that to mean they don’t win.

45 minutes to cook. Sarah pretends to respect Beverly’s cooking. That idiot Tyler is here, the one that got kicked out in the middle of cooking because he couldn’t butcher meat. Also I could have done without Heather. Paul is terrified of choking.

When Paul and Sarah come in, everyone applauds. Heather especially has a maniacal grin on her face as she waves. You know what? I don’t see Beverly anywhere. Or Lindsay. The finalists will each pick four dishes, and those four will be their sous chefs. Yeah, not all of the contestants are here. I wonder if they had conflicts, or refused, so they had to fill the field with these random people. 16 contestants, and Padma just said there were 11 dishes, and there are at least five random people…so over half of your contestants are not here. Did you decide they were too boring or something? No, because then Beverly would be here…this is ridiculous. Anyway, choosing occurs. Paul takes Barbara Lynch (one of the “master chefs”, so I was wrong), Ty-Lor, Malibu, and Keith. Sarah picks Nyesha, Tyler (she thought it was a dish on Heather’s menu), Heather (boo), and Grayson. When Sarah picks Tyler she tells him she’s not letting him butcher. Ha! No one picked the other master chef, Marco Canora, but this means he gets to eat. 6 hours to cook today, 3 tomorrow, to serve 100.

Sarah immediately tells her team there will be no drama. Heather agrees. Yeah. She’s going to go outside her comfort zone because she knows she has to push the limits. Paul starts to talk about his menu, and Barbara quickly starts giving him suggestions. He calmly agrees to try something out without really agreeing to do what she wants. Tyler tells Sarah to sous-vide something because it will be quicker and she won’t have to worry about the oven. Sarah says, point blank, that if she went with it and lost she’d never forgive herself. Somewhere Carla is nodding sagely. She interviews that she’s not going into something new with someone who didn’t make it through the first challenge.

Oh, Bravo. You do NOT want to know what I think. Don’t give me the chance to tell you.

Everyone goes to a sweet farmer’s market with $2500. I like this market. Sarah has given Tyler specific tasks to keep him busy. Barbara doesn’t think Paul should start making things up now. Then they all go to Whole Foods too. Paul tells us in confessional that he failed out of college and so wanted to show his parents he could succeed.

Sarah knows she can’t make every single thing, but she can lead the team “to make it as if it was me making it”. Ty-Lor asks Paul to show him how to cut the radishes, and Paul comes over to demo for him. It worries him a bit that none of his sous chefs know Asian food that well. Paul and his team decide he should crack eggs today for one of his dishes. Sarah is pleased to have “[her] girls”. Cut to several shots spliced together of Tyler trying to help but being denied. Really, he’s trying to tell Sarah to use all the vacuum things and sous vide and whatever the hell. Just do what you’re told, dude. Grayson wants to help Sarah win.

Tom and Emeril meet Sarah and Paul to pair wines with their dishes. This is also stupid. There are like, maybe 8 wines there. And they’re all the same winery. You can probably pair them, but a real restaurant wouldn’t restrict the options like that. Emeril tells them to take a snapshot of Restaurant Wars. Yeah, seriously. Paul regrets that, because he should have been team leader and expedited, but he was afraid to step on people‘s toes. Sarah says nothing about regretting Restaurant Wars.

Sarah calls home to get calmed down by her fiancée. That was fun.

Day of the final challenge. Sarah tells Tyler to peel celery, which seems like a thing that could have happened yesterday, but whatever. She makes fun of him in confessional because he’s wearing dress pants and dress shoes. Heather says they’ll win. Paul has a to-do list broken down by person, with tasks for everyone. Nice. Barbara is proud to work with him. Sarah tells Tyler to hurry up, basically, because they need him to do other things aside from the dessert. Malibu and Ty-Lor act goofy which is random because while he was on the show, Ty-Lor was just this weird guy who would drop the strangest bits of information at random times. And he has a personality. Who knew? Keith says the crab has gone off overnight. Uh oh. Now Paul’s glad he bought shrimp yesterday on a whim. Tyler and Sarah get in a fight because she wants him to use a mixer to go faster, and he insists that will ruin it. This causes Grayson to say “we’re going to jam out with our clams out.” Both Paul and Sarah brief front-of-house staff and try not to freak out.

Paul’s family and Sarah’s family are both here, but they don’t know. Tom is wearing glasses, which is different for him but they work. Paul’s restaurant is called “Qi” and has no red meat, just seafood and eggs. Cat Cora is back, in addition to the head judge of “Top Chef: Canada”, a thing I was not aware of. However Padma is not here? Huh? Where the hell is she, she’s the host! First course is chawanmushi, edamame, pea shoots, and spot prawns. Chawanmushi is savory egg custard. Cat shakes the bowl to see if it wiggles properly. They love it. Ed is there, and says it’s great. Ah, Padma is at Sarah’s with Padma, Hugh, Emeril, and the Terlato guy. And another chef. Shouldn’t they trade off? I mean…shouldn’t all judges taste all dishes? Sarah’s first course is squid ink tagliatelle, spot prawns, and fresh coconut. It is delicious, even with pasta and shiso leaf and coconut together. Second course is rye-crusted steelhead trout with fennel sauce, pickled beets and gras pista. Gras pista is lard whipped up and mixed with herbs. The beets are raw, although the fish is great.

A waitress comes in and tells Paul table 30 wants to talk to him. This is where he finds his parents and girlfriend. He tears up, which is cute, and says he was put “at ease” which is good. So he’s not freaking out more. Second course: grilled sea bass with clam dashi, pickled radishes and mushrooms. They like the way the dish looks. Tom says it’s hard to fault this. Third course: congee with scrambled eggs, uni, fried kale, and smoked albacore. Congee is rice porridge, but I’m guessing this one is close to a risotto. Tom says it’s maybe not as interesting as the other courses. Cat doesn’t know where it fits in the menu, exactly.

Sarah has made polenta and persimmon sauce for the third course, but she doesn’t like how it looks on the plate. Somehow she decides it’s too late to deal with it, and it tastes fine, so whatever. Braised veal cheek with crispy veal sweetbreads. Yeah…it is a weird color. Hugh thinks the polenta is like oatmeal. Fourth course: hazelnut cake with kumquat and roasted white chocolate ganache. The white chocolate is fantastic. I’m not sure how you roast white chocolate. Hugh jokes about stealing it. They seem very impressed, and are headed to Paul’s, so that’s good. Everyone tastes everything. There are two sittings, so Sarah takes some time to fix the persimmon polenta problem before the other judges get there.

Paul’s dessert is coconut ice cream with puffed rice, kumquats, mangosteen, Thai chili foam, and jasmin gelee. The judges feel the meal was sexy. Paul brags about Barbara being so helpful.

Sarah goes to meet her family and fiancée. She talks about her mom being a single mom, and how great it is to make her mom proud. The other judges come in, and they like the first course. She asks her family (I’m pretty sure that’s who that is) how they like the food and her fiancée whispers to her he got a bone in his fish. Oops. Sarah freaks out and runs downstairs to check all the fish. Paul overcooks some of his chawanmushi, or at least, Keith does. But Paul takes responsibility, because he says he’s the one who told Keith what to do. He can’t do anything about it anyway, and plus he’s out of eggs. The judges know it’s not right. No one finds bones in Sarah’s fishes. I think everything else goes well, with random minor issues that I’m sure will come up again.

Judges’ Table. Just the regulars here. Tom tells them that this was the best food in the finale, INCLUDING All-Stars. Jeez. Paul babbles about putting himself into the food. Sarah talks about being a successful woman. Yeah. Gail absolutely loved Sarah’s pasta, it was different and perfect. They tell her the pickled beets were raw, though. The sweetbreads were a little dry, and the polenta wasn’t great the first time around. Gail brags that she’s glad she was there second to get the good polenta. Her dessert was fantastic, even to Padma, who hates white chocolate. Why is everyone talking about how the food this season is the best ever? It’s been said several times. Why are you talking so much about how fantastic the food is when you’ve wasted hours and hours on drama and gimmicky challenges that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with food!?!

Gail tells Paul his chawanmushi was fantastic, and you can see Emeril look over at her like she’s crazy. Tom asks what happened, and Paul just says some of them overcooked. No excuses. Gail wasn’t sure how the congee fit in the meal, but Hugh says he thought it was the rich course you should get after the fish course (usually provided by meat). Tom doesn’t like sweet desserts so this one was his favorite course of the night. The puffed rice maybe was too puffed? Weird.

The usual discussion about how everyone is awesome. Tom points out that they had different first courses for Paul, because one group got overcooked chawanmushi. They all liked Sarah’s pasta. Tom thinks Sarah might have a slight edge. Paul’s fish broth was so great Emeril says he’s still tasting it. They may be going with Paul on that one. Third course is hard, because Sarah fixed her polenta midstream. They do seem to agree that maybe she shouldn’t have put the sweetbreads on there. Hugh loves the congee, and maybe no one else is quite as much of a fan. Emeril would have Sarah’s dessert again, but Gail wants Paul’s. They talk about how hazelnut cake is hard to nail, and I would point out that Sarah didn’t actually make that cake, but I think Heather did and I don’t feel like giving her credit for anything. Gail feels Sarah took more risks, but Tom says Paul hit the details better. Also the usual discussion that they hate to have someone lose for such great meals.

A stupid commercial for stupid Andy Cohen, with Sarah and Paul, and Sarah is grinning stupidly while Paul is not really smiling. Goddammit, that better be misdirection.

Commercial interlude: Sarah and Paul do shots while they wait in the Stew Room. Can we PLEASE make these more interesting?

88% of people who texted Bravo think Paul should win. That’s a very high percentage.

When Sarah and Paul come back in, there are a million people there too. Families, but more than that. Padma reminds them they get a ton of money, Tom says everyone was so great, and then Padma says Paul is the winner. Oh thank God. His dad breaks down, which is very touching. Sarah cries and says she should have won.

Next week: there’s a reunion, where I’m sure they’ll ask Sarah and Heather and everyone why they were so mean to Beverly and try to make them apologize to her. I hope they have some crazy bullshit explanation and refuse to apologize. At least then it’ll be interesting.
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TAR20, Recap Leg 2, 2/26/12

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on I Have Tunnel Vision So I Can’t See Phil, teams raced from Los Angeles to Salta, Argentina. There was skydiving and uterus-filled throats. And Misa and Maiya can’t seem to do anything right, especially since they are golfers who got themselves stuck in a sand trap. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Rachel/Dave , Team Free Ron Again!
2nd – Brendon/Rachel, Team Sparkles
3rd – Art/JJ, Team Patrulla Fronteriza
4th – Nary/Jamie, The Fembots
5th – Vanessa/Ralph, The Dating Divorcees
6th – Elliot/Andrew, The Wondertwins
7th – Kerri/Stacy, Team Double Bubble
8th – Dave/Cherie, The Ambassadors of Laughter
9th – Bopper/Mark, The Kentucky Hillbillies
10th – Joey “Fitness”/Danny, The Jersey Meatheads

Patios de Cafayete Winery, Cafayete, Argentina

(Toyouke: “I miss Pit Stop footage.”)

2:46 AM Rachel/Dave (1st)
Clue: Drive selves to Cafayete Town Square and wait for the chasqui who will eventually deliver your next clue. You have $44 for this leg of the race.

Dave: “Use your Spanglish!” (Kmanpat: “Don’t encourage her.” Toyouke: “Don't use your Spanglish. GOD.”)

2:48 AM Brendon/Rachel (2nd) – Rachel: “This is tougher than Big Brother.” (Auburnium0513: “TAR is harder than Big Brother? Really?”)
2:49 AM Art/JJ (3rd)
3:21 AM Nary/Jamie (4th) – Jamie: “We told the other racers that we’re Kindergarten teachers!” (Toyouke: “I do not approve of lying about what you do. You are just asking for someone to find out and nail you with a punitive U-Turn.”)
3:31 AM Vanessa/Ralph (5th)
4:21 AM Elliot/Andrew (6th)
5:23 AM Kerri/Stacy (7th)
5:27 AM Dave/Cherie (8th) – and Dave has had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma twice. You shouldn’t be telling us this on episode two.
5:29 AM Bopper/Mark (9th)
5:35 PM Joey “Fitness”/Danny (10th)

Teams arrive at the Town Square in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Kerri/Stacy
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Bopper/Mark
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny

Teams take the time in which they are bunching to hang out until morning, which is when the chasqui is apparently arriving. (Toyouke: “Who are these random people with the dog sitting in a square in the middle of the night?”) Once the chasqui arrives, teams get their clue in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Nary/Jamie
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Art/JJ
5- Kerri/Stacy
6- Rachel/Dave
7- Vanessa/Ralph
8- Elliot/Andrew
9- Dave/Cherie
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny

(Auburnium0513: “Wow, that is a well-trained horse to not balk at all when that many people run at it.”)

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Boil My Water OR Light My Fire
*Boil My Water: Teams must drive themselves to one of three remote villages and assemble a solar kitchen from the picture on the package. Once assembled correctly, teams must fill a kettle with water and set it to boil. Once the kettle whistles, the solar expert will give them their next clue.
*Light My Fire: Teams must find Taller El Obelisco and deliver wood and clay by donkey a distance of one mile to the pottery kiln to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “Watching people wait for water to boil is boring.”)

1- Rachel/Dave choose Boil My Water – Rachel: “It’s a great day for solar cookery!”
2- Nary/Jamie choose Boil My Water
3- Vanessa/Ralph choose Boil My Water
4- Dave/Cherie choose Boil My Water – Cherie: "Oh, there's a picture on the box." (Toyouke: “SIGH.”)
5- Elliot/Andrew choose Boil My Water
6- Kerri/Stacy choose Boil My Water
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny choose Boil My Water
8- Bopper/Mark choose Boil My Water – Bopper: “All we’ve gotta do is make ‘er whistle!”
9- Brendon/Rachel choose Boil My Water
10- Art/JJ choose Light My Fire – (Toyouke: “Border patrol Spanish FTW! Lack of sign reading FTL! The border patrol almost has to find the other Detour. If they can't, they're automatically in last place unless someone totally fails at building things.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Bopper/Mark
2- Art/JJ
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Dave/Cherie
6- Vanessa/Ralph
7- Elliot/Andrew
8- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
9- Kerri/Stacy
10- Nary/Jamie

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Salta and take a bus 18 hours to Buenos Aires. Once there, teams must make their way by taxi to Mercado de Hacienda de Liniers. Teams get their bus tickets in the following order:

Bus # 1
1) Bopper/Mark
2) Art/JJ
3) Rachel/Dave
4) Brendon/Rachel

Bus # 2
1) Dave/Cherie
2) Vanessa/Ralph
3) Elliot/Andrew
4) Joey “Fitness”/Danny

Bus # 3
1) Kerri/Stacy
2) Nary/Jamie

Teams now find themselves on busses to Buenos Aires. While travelling, the second bus has one of its windows blown in, hindering their progress. (Toyouke: “What? How did you shatter a window in the middle of the highway?”) The result is that the teams arrive in Buenos Aires in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Bopper/Mark
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Kerri/Stacy
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8- Vanessa/Ralph
9- Elliot/Andrew
10- Dave/Cherie

Teams then race to the Mercado de Hacienda de Liniers and get their clue in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Art/JJ
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Bopper/Mark
5- Nary/Jamie
6- Kerri/Stacy
7- Vanessa/Ralph
8- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
9- Dave/Cherie
10- Elliot/Andrew

And once they arrive, teams get the second roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

Where’s the beef?

(Toyouke: “This Roadblock "question" does not help to tell the teams what they will be doing.”)

In this roadblock, teams travel to a nearby cattle auction and one team member must listen to the auctioneer who will give them the weight of the cattle in the pen. Team members must then count the head of cattle and find the average weight of each head. Roadblockers give the correct value to a gaucho, who will give them their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Rachel B.
2- JJ
3- Rachel R. – “I’m not as smart as my partner!”
4- Mark – who decides to work with Rachel to help her. (Toyouke: “How is that teamwork? He did all the work and then gave her the answer!”)
5- Nary
6- Stacy – “I help my 11 year old with math!” (Toyouke: “God bless 11-year-olds and their math homework.”)
7- Vanessa
8- Joey
9- Dave G.
10- Andrew

After much cattle counting and average finding (Toyouke: “They had to put up a graphic on how to calculate the average weight of one cow. I weep for the future. This whole Roadblock makes me weep for math in this country. Sadly, everyone I expected to suck at long division, sucks at long division.”), teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Rachel/Dave
3- Bopper/Mark
4- Brendon/Rachel - and an argument promptly breaks out. (Toyouke: “I notice that the instant Rachel starts crying, Brendon immediately starts apologizing and backpedaling. It's a weird vibe. I don't think he was that heinous in the scheme of things. Not even the real life scheme of things, as compared to the reality television scheme of things. Like Rachel knows if she starts to cry then Brendon will apologize and she wins the argument. So that's what she does.”)
5- Kerri/Stacy
6- Nary/Jamie
7- Vanessa/Ralph
8- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
9- Elliot/Andrew
10- Dave/Cherie

(Toyouke: “I have an answer to your kids’ question ‘When will I ever use this in real life?’ WHEN A MILLION DOLLARS IS ON THE LINE AND YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK STUPID ON TELEVISION!!!”)

Teams find now that they must take their taxi to El Gomera, a 200 year old rubber tree, at La Recoleta, the PIT STOP of the second leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win a trip for 2 to Grenada.
2- Art/JJ
3- Bopper/Mark
4- Brendon/Rachel
5- Kerri/Stacy – (Toyouke: “SHUT UP WITH THE CHEERLEADING.”)
6- Nary/Jamie
7- Vanessa/Ralph
8- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
9- Elliot/Andrew
10- Dave/Cherie

And with that, Dave and Cherie are eliminated. They are grateful. And so on.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Art/JJ
3rd – Bopper/Mark
4th – Brendon/Rachel
5th – Kerri/Stacy
6th – Nary/Jamie
7th – Vanessa/Ralph
8th – Joey “Fitness”/Danny
9th – Elliot/Andrew

Next week: Harp tuning and watermelon stacking. And Big Brother Rachel is a harpy. Until next time! Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 2/23/12--"O! Say, Can You Sew?" summary

Previously on Project Runway: designing for Godspell. It went very well, because “make a costume for a woman who is rich and wants everyone to know it, but maybe is slightly crazy” is a fantastic directive. Mondo won, making a fabulous coat and dress that looked exactly like the kind of thing an eccentric rich old woman would wear. Others did sort of OK, but Kara made a boring outfit with a giant bow so she was eliminated. She’s cool, I just don’t think she does well in this atmosphere. (click for more)

Austin thinks it will be difficult to be inspired without Kara. He and Kenley commiserate as Austin voiceovers that Mila and Jerell are weaker designers.

They all gather outside the United Nations building, as Angela says something about the UN hosting their next challenge. As far as I can tell, you’re outside on the lawn. You could have snuck over there for all we know. Security could be on the way. Jerell talks about flags. Angela makes a lame joke about “their” challenges not being as tough as UN challenges. I am not sure what is going on with Austin’s hat. I feel it is a black leather cap. Today’s challenge is to design a dress inspired by flags. Oo…this better not get offensive. Angela tells them they have flags from “each of the major world regions.” The list is: Jamaica, Chile, Greece, India, Papua New Guinea, and Seychelles. Seychelles is Kmanpat’s favorite. They will be influenced by the colors in the flag and also the culture of the country, which is what I thought and why I worry about things getting offensive. I think they should have made everyone choose flags out of all 200 countries or whatever. OR do state flags, which can be pretty crazy. I’d like to see someone design a dressed based on Maryland’s state flag. Anyway, Michael says he wants Greece, as he is Greek. Is he? (Kmanpat: “You know what would be better? If they gave them a map and made them pick countries. And then there were no names on the countries so they have to know something.”) Yeah, that would be entertaining.

OK, back to the show. Mondo won last week so he picks out Jamaica. Michael gets to go next, so he takes Greece like he wanted. Mila picks Papua New Guinea, which is half black with white stars. Of course the other half is red with a yellow bird, so I’m not sure what she’s going to do with it. Jerell takes India because it is “embellished and ethnic”. Sigh. Austin takes Seychelles, to no one’s surprise because it’s a rainbow, although he calls it “Seashells”. Don’t think I didn’t hear that, Austin. Kenley gets Chile, which basically looks like the Texas state flag. She’s glad to go last because if she had been able to pick and then gotten frustrated with the colors, she’d blame herself. Angela sends them all off to sketch and read their portfolios on their countries.

Mila says this sentence: “The indigenous peoples of Papua New Guinea are extremely tribal-looking.” She doesn’t want tribal, just a touch. Sigh. Austin tells us Seychelles is open because there is no national dress, but he is feeling beach and ocean. In Mood Michael goes straight for trim. Mila is still complaining about people helping each other. Kenley has managed to find blue and white polka dots.

Mila talks about staying true to herself and being modern, which to her means asymmetrical, mostly black with red and a tiny bit of yellow. I don’t know. Everyone eats except Austin is still in the workroom saying he can’t eat until he figures out what he’s doing. He’s thinking a flag that is a rainbow of primary colors is maybe not easy. Jerell says when he thinks India he thinks embellishment. That is what I think of when I think of Bollywood, which is probably what Jerell is thinking of. Michael seems to be done, and he starts babbling in confessional about how everyone thinks this is up his alley, Michael is a draper, plus he’s Greek…what? Do they think that? That this is right up his alley? He says his aesthetic is Marchesa, which is “gorgeous” and “tasteful”, and let me say: HA! Marchesa is not always “tasteful”. Mondo wants to make sure he doesn’t make a flag.

Joanna time! She says this room is the most talented room in the history of the show. OK then. Mondo has a sleek black dress, and on the back is a chevron of yellow and green. Joanna says it’s cool, but how do you wear a bra? Mondo admits you don’t, and that he knows that’s not the answer she wants. Joanna sighs and rolls her eyes, which is hilarious. Jerell shows her his outfit, and she tells him it looks like a sari on a doll you would buy at the tourist office. Oo. It kind of is, there’s an embellished bustier with illusion netting, and then a green and red draped piece of fabric over one shoulder. He says he doesn’t think it’s too literal and uses the phrase “ethnic opulence”, which I am totally going to start using as soon as I can figure out where to use it. Michael has a white draped dress, which also is backless and so cannot be worn with a bra. Joanna is fixated on bras today. She wants Michael to push himself. Austin has a layered skirt with panels or something. The bodice is weirdly elaborate with several panels and a slit that is asymmetrical? Or something? Joanna starts ranting about bras again and Austin quickly tells her he wants the slit to be thin, so you can’t really tell if there’s a bra under there or not. Joanna doesn’t really want bra strap, though. Mila has a Frankendress: one side is a short black sheath with a white belt, and the other side is a red poncho that reaches the ground. Hey, but you can wear a bra with it! Joanna tells Kenley her dress is obviously Kenley. She insists to Joanna she’s taking a risk by mixing blue polka dots and small red stripes, and also something will be asymmetrical, and it will be a party dress. Kenley also says she can stand out.

Model fitting. Everyone seems to be confident in what they have. With one hour left in the day, there is still a ton of work to do. Mondo has not done very much. Kenley all of a sudden doesn’t think she’s going to finish.

Day of the show. Jerell wishes he had bought some elastic. Mondo admits to being scared because he is making a mostly black dress. Austin is getting stressed. Austin thinks his dress is too short. Jerell finds a bindi on the accessory wall. Sigh. Hot makeup guy. Austin calls Jerell’s outfit vulgar and tasteless, and I would have to agree. It’s a short dress, very shiny, and then a green shawl draped over one shoulder. Kenley…has made a dress she has made before. That one with the high neck and then on one hip it was a different fabric and weirdly poofy? And we all said “ew” but the judges thought it was very fashion forward and then accused her of copying?

Guest judge today is Catherine Malandrino. Nice. Jerell: short dress in black with gold sequins. It looks like a bustier with illusion netting along the neck and sleeves. There is a piece of green fabric draped over one shoulder, gathered at the waist and then down to the floor, all on that one side. It looks like she’s wearing an ice skating costume and threw her shawl on weirdly. Not to mention a ton of gold jewelry and a giant pendant in the middle of her forehead. It’s pretty tacky. He hopes the judges see him in it. Honey, we ALL see Jerell in it. That’s the problem. Kenley: short dress with long sleeves and a high neck. It’s in blue heart polka dots, except for over her left hip is ruffles made of thin red and white stripes that look pink from a distance. It is exactly the dress she made for her finale collection and also for the challenge where they had to be inspired by New York, except in different fabrics. Austin: long gown in shades of blue with a yellow center panel. It’s got a V-neck, and the fabrics kind of wrap around so the front is sort of open. There is a thin belt, and the back has a bunch of draped pieces hanging down. Where are the rest of the colors? Also, it looks like the dress he made for Nancy O’Dell that got him eliminated.

Mondo: long sleeved black dress, very sleek, modest neckline. The back is open, and down the middle of her back are alternating yellow and green chevrons, each outlined in black, with the whole thing being about the width of her hand. It looks really cool. Mila: one side of the dress is a short sheath dress with a cap sleeve, and the other side is a long floor length dress with a long sleeve and for some reason one line of white piping all the way down the front of the dress. The neckline is weird too, like the black dress is a narrow V-neck and the red dress is a scoop neck. Michael: long white Grecian draped dress. The neckline is one-shouldered and lined in rhinestones, with a big flat bow or something on the shoulder, outlined in blue with blue ribbons hanging down so there’s some blue in the dress. The back is open pretty much down to her butt, with a thin strap of rhinestones. But you can also see at her waist, the dress gaps because it’s not fitted well. I mean, you can’t really fit a loose draped dress. But still.

Kenley starts saying women in Chile wear a lot of color and have a “Spanish flair”. Georgina says the dress is young and fun. Catherine likes that she didn’t go to far with her Spanish ruffles, I guess. See, this is the problem with all new judges. Kors and Nina would be all over this shit. They all love it and no one will say “I’ve seen it before”. Well, Isaac tells her not to do a dress like this again. Kenley acts like she didn’t realize she was doing it. Jerell talks about ornate and ethnic, and Angela says she likes the white stripe down the arm, which is a thick ribbon with gold lace edging, running down the arm with the illusion netting. Really, Angela? What? Isaac says it’s wonky and he can’t get over it. Catherine thinks the dress could be cute but the draping hides it, and Georgina says it needs editing. Michael talks about Greece. Georgina calls it “acceptable” but it screams beauty pageant. Too much volume and the bow is stupid. Michael argues that he didn’t want it to look like he just stuck some ribbon on there to get some blue on the dress, except that’s exactly what it looks like. Isaac says what I am thinking and everyone agrees. Austin talks about colors and he seems exhausted. The colors don’t quite match the colors in the flag, and the rouching looks unfinished. He ran out of time. Mondo wanted something slinky but easy and sexy. It is a great dress but the hair distracts Catherine. Oo, yeah, it’s a pile of braids and dreadlocks, with black fabric wrapped around like she has a head wound. Isaac somehow hates the back of the dress, which is the part that makes it not just a black dress. Mila wanted free spirit. Yeah. Isaac decides it’s Russian and communist. They like the neckline, but the Frankendress aspects of the hem being weird and also it’s two colors, those don’t go over well. Isaac thinks she meant for it to be disturbing, in which case, good for her.

Mondo put a lot of thought into his dress, although it’s a little safe and the hair was terrible. They gush over Kenley’s dress, which, blah. This is not Chilean culture, as far as I know, and I’ll admit to not knowing a lot. But I’m fairly confident in that. Michael’s dress didn’t fit in the back and the bow was bad. But it was finished. Austin fell flat, the execution wasn’t there and the color story didn’t work. He needed another day. Mila stayed true to herself, but no one can wear that dress anywhere. It didn’t remind them of her country at all. Jerell made a costume.

Michael is in. Mondo wins. Really? Cool, they made it seem like Kenley was going to win. Kenley is in, but she gets warned not to make the same dress again. Austin is in. Jerell is in. Why didn’t they warn him about too many embellishments? Mila says she’s proud of herself and that she’s grown as a designer.

Next week: well, they had that “After the Runway” thing, which I did not tape and which looks like a lot of arguing and Isaac “being real” so whatever. My DVR says next week they will use “light technology” and then it says “avant garde” so who knows what will be there. If anyone watched After the Runway and it was worth anything feel free to comment and share. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/22/12--"Fire and Ice" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: The longest season ever was extended by an additional week so this show could pretend to be other shows that win Emmys. There were several challenges that had nothing to do with cooking and everything to do with looking stupid, and then in the end, Beverly was sent home again. So what you are saying is, “Last Chance Kitchen” only existed to wring out as much drama as possible from this season, but you draw the line at actually affecting the winner. I’m just ready for it to be over, I think. (click for more)

Also my cable is still doing that thing where the sound and picture go out for a couple of seconds at a time, randomly, but since I wasn’t home I didn’t tape the re-airing to see if I could fill in the gaps. I am going to guess it wasn’t important.

See, they are STILL talking about Beverly, and I am sure I missed part of it, but do you really want to hear about how these people deserve to be here and also Sarah kissing Lindsay’s ass about how great she is? I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.

The contestants drive somewhere and play “The Name Game”. I’m not sure how that is supposed to work. Paul talks about how the three of them are friends but everyone understands that in the kitchen, no more friends. They end up back in the Fairmount in Vancouver just to drop off their stuff and get dressed in their jackets.

Then is a field trip to Chinatown, which I am hoping makes them all nervous. Sarah is nervous, because she knows if Beverly had made it through, she’d be kicking their asses right now. Padma and Emeril greet the final three for their Quickfire. Out come three Asian master chefs: Anita Lo (who won her season of Top Chef Masters), Floyd Cardoz (he won his season too?), Takashi Yagihashi. They draw knives to get paired up with one of these chefs. Sarah apparently loves Takashi but is not paired with him (HA). Lindsay and Anita, Sarah and Floyd, and Paul and Takashi. Paul interviews that he has an Asian background but doesn’t like that he’s expected to win. I think expecting Paul to win has more to do with the fact that Paul wins most of the time. They will have 40 minutes to make an “Asian-inspired” dish, and every ten minutes they have to tag out and switch who is cooking. Winner gets $20,000. Do the sous chefs get anything? Stupid.

The Masters go in first, and who knows what they are coming up with. You aren’t allowed to talk to your partner, so when you get there you just have to guess. Takashi wants to make sashimi, and he thinks that Paul will know what to do just based on the ingredients. Padma and Emeril peek into the kitchen through the window. Floyd is making curry and thinks he’s left enough of a direction for Sarah. Everyone trades up and tries to figure out what is going on. Turns out Paul has geoduck. Those are the giant clams with the huge siphon sticking out of one side. Sarah interviews that she has no confidence with a curry, and then she starts talking about cold crab salad, so maybe she just abandoned the curry? Paul starts making dashi, so when Takashi gets in he makes it into a sauce. Lindsay has done more work that will go with what Anita had in mind. Sarah, even though she has said she knows nothing about curry, has done exactly what Floyd wanted her to do. The contestants have to do the final plating. Lindsay is slightly intimidated. Paul adds some chili because Padma likes spice. True. But at the very end Paul worries he’s used too many chilis.

Lindsay: scallop two ways, bok choy and chili, and fried roe with sausage and water chestnuts. Anita had been planning on three ways: raw, fried roe, and sausage. Sarah: pan seared cod with coconut curry, crab salad with Clementine and amaranth. Sarah has to ask what the amaranth is. She did pretty much what Floyd intended, and there is a shot of Anita looking pissed. She’s looked irritated since they walked out, so I guess Lindsay really screwed up. Paul: mirugai (giant clam) sashimi with yuzu dashi, fried white fish, scallions, and chili. The chili wasn’t in the original plan, but Takashi agrees with a little chili. Padma points out that both she and Emeril like chili, but this is a lot of chili. Oops.

Lindsay did a good scallop dish, seared well, but the sausage was a little overpowering. Padma tells Sarah she loves the amaranth and is going to steal it, and Sarah giggles “Me too!” as if she didn’t just say 10 minutes ago that she doesn’t even know what it is. Could have used more acid. Paul was brave with his protein, but it was too spicy. The winner is Sarah. Let this be a lesson to you: the person who did exactly what their Master partner wanted is the one who won.

For the Elimination challenge, these three are throwing a Fire and Ice party. They each have to make one dish and one cocktail, each dish containing both a hot and cold element. Padma doesn’t clarify if she means temperature hot or spicy hot. Or, I suppose, temperature cold or flavor cold, like a mint or cucumber or something. There will be 150 guests. Everyone looks pissed. The winner gets a trip for two to Costa Rica. Emeril says that they need to be creative and “chili with a scoop of sour cream” will not cut it. I only quote that because now there is a high likelihood someone will make chili with sour cream.

Lindsay is trying to decide if she wants to set something on fire. Or freeze something. Paul, interestingly, orders crab legs in grams. Nice. He’s got big plans. Sarah is making baked pasta…with frozen ginger mousse? What? Lindsay is making halibut and says it will probably be tricky to make it for so many people, but “luckily this isn’t Restaurant Wars”. Yeah, then your shitty front-of-house service would get you in trouble. Also, Bravo, now that Beverly is gone I don’t need ANOTHER clip of her, thanks. Lindsay is going to be the one cooking it, so I certainly hope this is foreshadowing for when she destroys it. Lindsay brags that Sarah and Paul are doing frozen things and that it’s “gimmicky” and not how she does things. Wasn’t she just talking about setting something on fire?

Everyone goes to dinner and they toast Sarah’s money. No one ever toasted Paul’s money. Sarah tells us in confessional that her mom let her drop out of high school to go to culinary school. Shouldn’t she have made you at least graduate and THEN go to culinary school?

5 hours to cook. Sarah interviews that the other two second guess themselves a lot. She makes an ominous comment about wanting a calculator and hoping her math is right. Paul is getting started on lobster stock with like 30 lobsters. Sarah says she is making pasta “by hand”, but then we see her with two pasta machines running at the same time. I think she means to say “from scratch”. Lindsay grates tomatoes and brags that if she cut off a finger she’d keep going. Sarah doesn’t think it’s unique to be doing a take on a Bloody Mary. Yeah, but a cold drink that is spicy does fit the challenge.

Tom time! Paul is making his soup, which will be poured over “lemon snow” tableside so it will all melt together. Tom cruelly asks him why he didn’t win the Quickfire, and Paul says it’s just that Lindsay and Sarah just made better dishes. Lindsay has halibut (served hot) over some kind of salad (served cold). And tomato granita. Tom…I think Tom has his bitch hat on today. He reminds Lindsay about Restaurant Wars, and how Beverly overcooked her fish, and then says it seemed like it was overcooked because that’s how Lindsay told her to do it. Ha! She just says she wants to make sure temperatures are right for everything. Sarah is making cannelloni with greens, and spiced mousse that will be in the freezer and melt to make the sauce. More cooking and freaking out. Everyone thinks they’re in the weeds. Paul wishes this was one of those challenges where Padma appears and gives them sous chefs. Yeah. Servers appear and Paul immediately asks for volunteers to serve just cocktails, as opposed to food. They divide up the work right away. That was well done. Paul seems to have a lot of ideas for his cocktail, including a Thai chili foam made of egg whites. Ew. Sarah is going to attempt to use the anti-griddle. I guess her plan was to make her mousse, cut it up, then put it on the anti-griddle to freeze it? But it ruins some of the mousse. Frantic plating of some things.

Everyone is wearing their coats so are they outside? With useless heaters? Gail says she is cold and demands to be warmed up. Hee. Her coat is fabulous though. Paul yells to everyone to push the plates, as one of the servers says everyone is hungry. He’s nervous and not feeling his game. Paul: king crab with lobster broth and lemon snow. It looks like he’s put the broth in shot glasses so everyone can pour and melt the snow when they get the dish. The drink is “The Pan Am“, kaffir lime, palm sugar, Thai chilies, and rum. It’s green with a thick layer of foam on top. The broth is good, but the arugula is kind of just there. Padma says she could use more heat in her drink, and Emeril reminds her yesterday they nailed him for that. They seem to really like it.

Sarah is telling her servers that they should make sure everyone eats the mousse. Or maybe eats the mousse and the pasta together. I’m not sure, but I am pretty sure that those servers are just going ot serve food and not give people instructions. Sarah: five greens filled pasta with garlic, chili, and spiced sformato (that’s the mousse). The drink is “agrumi”, gin with kumquats and mango. The sformato is still frozen. The flavors are great but the frozen mousse is hard to eat. The cocktail is great but maybe doesn’t go with the dish.

Lindsay is doing some last-minute freaking out because she didn’t literally have fire and ice, so she’s adding a spoon of tomato granita. She says some more about pushing herself but still staying true to herself. Lindsay: halibut with fiery celery root salad. The drink is an “Encendido” with vodka, tomato, and horseradish. I’m not sure how that isn’t a Bloody Mary. Gail hits a chili pocket in the salad, while Tom doesn’t taste any spice at all. It seems to be fine, except there is raw kale for some reason. The tomato ice goes over well. By itself, the drink is flat, but with the dish it is much better. Sadly she’s cooked the halibut well, according to all sources. They are kind of worried this was the first challenge they didn’t go out and introduce their dishes to the judges.

Judges’ table. Paul wanted to have lots of shellfish flavor and also snow. Padma lets him know he could have had more spice. Sad. Tom asks him what the arugula was for, and that it was kind of an afterthought. He wants the opportunity to make the best meal he ever put out. Also if he doesn’t win Texas may kick him out. Sarah meant for her hot pasta to be the “fire” in her dish. Gail tells her the mousse was hard to eat. Tom knows this pushed her out of her comfort zone, but it just didn’t quite work. The cocktail was great though. Sarah talks about how “food is a place and a memory” and she wants to tell them that story. Lindsay’s tomato soup (?) overpowered the fish a tiny bit, but was good on its own. Her cocktail separated slightly, but overall her pairing was best. Lindsay has learned about herself and wants the opportunity to pull out all the stops.

Each chef had a great dish with one small flaw. Paul’s cocktail paired well, and he did a good job marrying the challenge to the dish. But by the time they served it, the broth had cooled off so the contrast wasn’t what it should have been. Tom is still hung up on the arugula. Emeril liked Sarah’s cocktail best. She was the most creative, and it all became one dish. Gail is still hung up on the mousse. She meant it to be a sauce and it wasn’t, even though it was a risk for her. Lindsay had her tomato theme, but her “fire” component was lacking. The salad wasn’t terribly spicy, and it wasn’t terribly interesting. The only mistake was the drink, which certainly went with the food.

Commercial interlude: how will they choose the winner? We all try hard! We’re all freaking out! The sky is blue! Water is wet!

Sarah is moving on. It’s interesting to read her face when they say her name, she totally thinks she’s eliminated. Lindsay is out. Saw that one coming. Lindsay has no regrets, and stayed true to herself, and so forth. Paul is also moving on, and did I miss something? Did Padma officially tell Paul he won the challenge? Because she’s telling him about the trip to Costa Rica but no one said “you won the challenge”. weird. Sarah says she’s sad to see Lindsay going home, but she’s always known it would be her vs. Paul. Right.

Next week: this show finally ends. Previous contestant sous chefs. Ugh, Heather. Paul and Sarah’s family. I think they’re running a restaurant? Each of them has problems. Someone wins. I hope it’s Paul. Clicky clicky

TAR20, Recap Leg 1, 2/19/12

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, and it couldn’t come soon enough. This time, we are traveling through California. AGAIN. This time, though, all the teams are on bicycles in a peloton. Phil: “We’re riding through the heart of wine country!” (Toyouke: “Santa Barbara is NOT "the heart of America's wine country". Jesus Christ, Phil. OK...maybe I will give some points back for bike shorts and use of "peloton".”) While biking, the eleven teams are: (click for more)

Dave and Cherie, AKA The Ambassadors of Laughter, are clowns from Tampa, Florida, and the “Ambassadors of Laughter” moniker is theirs. Dave: “What goes around comes around!” (Toyouke: “It's been 10 seconds and: shut up clowns.”)

Bopper and Mark, AKA Kentucky Hillbillies, are hillbillies from Kentucky. Bopper: “We’re from the other side of the tracks!” They are going to be full of sound bites.

Misa and Maiya, AKA Team Pineapple Express, are sisters from San Diego, California. They are both golfers, and Maiya went pro in 2009. They think they are pretty.

Brendon and Rachel, AKA Team Sparkles, met on Big Brother 12. And now they are racing! They fell in love and are now here to win! I just want them to go away and stop casting idiots from other reality shows. (Toyouke: “Also shut up Big Brother.”)

Joey “Fitness” and Dan, AKA Team Guido Junior, are friends from Long Island, who are proud to be living the Guido lifestyle. They don’t want to be compared to the Jersey Shore guys, but I think they make a great couple.

Nary and Jamie, AKA The Fembots, are federal agents from Los Angeles. Nary: “We mentally need to be tougher than other officers. So TAR will be a piece of cake.” Jamie: “I like cake!”

Rachel and Dave, AKA Team Free Ron Again!, are two years into their marriage from Madison Wisconsin. Dan is a major in the US Army, and has been in Iraq the last year. Dan: “We’re using this as our chance to reconnect.” Good luck with that.

Elliot and Andrew, AKA The Wondertwins, are hot twins from Scottsdale, Arizona. Elliot is in a rock band, and Andrew plays MLS soccer. I will be drooling now. (Toyouke: “Hot twin brothers are dorks.”)

Kerri and Stacy, AKA Team Double Bubble, are cousins from Gulfport, Mississippi. They like to get dirty. They will be fun. (Toyouke: “We'll be in the mud, as long as there aren't any chickens.")

Vanessa and Ralph, AKA The Dating Divorcees, are dating from San Antonio. They’ve known each other for fifteen years, during which time both of them got married to other people and divorced.

Art and JJ, AKA Team Patrulla Fronteriza, are boarder patrol agents. JJ: “He’s the brains, and I’m the brawn!” Art: “You’re talking like you’re the Beauty in Beauty and the Beast!”

The camera careens to Bridlewood Estate Winery where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be twelve legs where each team will get a “small amount of cash”. Phil tells them that their first clue is NOT on their bags. Instead, teams must find them in the balloons hanging above the grape vines in the vineyard. Teams must pull down the 100 balloons to find 1 of eleven clues. Once teams find a clue, they will be able to get into a Ford Taurus and start racing. AND the first team to check in on Leg 1 will get a special prize: an Express Pass, which will allow them to skip any one task on any leg that they choose, either before they start it or during up to the end of the eighth leg of the race. Oh, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Bridlewood Estate Winery, Santa Barbara, California, USA

Clue: Travel to Santa Barbara, Argentina! Make your way to Los Angeles International Airport and find the American Airlines ticket counter to get tickets to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Once there, the first six teams will get on the better connection to Salta, Argentina, the city closest to your ultimate destination. Then, teams drive themselves to Santa Barbara to get their next clue.

Since teams have to find their clues in order to leave, the departure order follows naturally. Thus, the order of departure for the airport is:

1- Elliot/Andrew
2- Vanessa/Ralph
3- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
4- Kerri/Stacy
5- Brendon/Rachel
6- Rachel/Dave
7- Nary/Jamie
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Art/JJ – who thank the Lord when they find a clue. (God: “We’re not starting this again, are we? I’m in the tub.”)
10- Bopper/Mark – (Toyouke: “I like that the hicks get hick music.”)
11- Misa/Maiya – who spend about two hours searching for their clue. Good thing they are guaranteed a flight. (Toyouke: “How does it take you almost two hours to go through that field?”)

Teams drive themselves to the airport and find the marked parking lot.

Once everyone arrives, there’s no jockeying for position, and the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1:
1) Elliot/Andrew
2) Brandon/Rachel
3) Nary/Jamie
4) Art/JJ
5) Rachel/Dave
6) Vanessa/Ralph

Flight 2:
1) Joey “Fitness”/Danny
2) Kerri/Stacy
3) Dave/Cherie
4) Bopper/Mark
5) Misa/Maiya

So, teams board their respective flights. We follow the Amazing Red and Clue Lines down south to Buenos Aires and Salta.

Teams arrive at Salta in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Nary/Jamie
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Elliot/Andrew
5- Rachel/Dave
6- Vanessa/Ralph
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8- Bopper/Mark
9- Misa/Maiya
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Dave/Cherie

Teams now get in their cars and drive themselves to Santa Barbara and arrive in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Nary/Jamie
3- Brendon/Rachel
4- Rachel/Dave
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Misa/Maiya
8- Kerri/Stacy
9- Bopper/Mark
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
11- Dave/Cherie – who start to freak out at the possibility of being last.

Teams take the clue (Toyouke: “THAT IS NOT A CLUE BOX THAT IS A BASKET.”) and find out that they need to drive to Aerodromo Gilberto Lavaque to get their next clue. They arrive and find the clue in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
8- Bopper/Mark
9- Misa/Maiya
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Dave/Cherie

Once they arrive, teams get the first roadblock clue. (Toyouke: “See, THAT is a clue box.”)

ROADBLOCK:

Who’s got a great sense of direction?

In this roadblock, one team member must get in the car and drive with a map to a location where they will meet their teammate, who will be skydiving from 10000 feet. Once they are reunited with their teammate, the dive captain will give them their next clue. NOTE: Ralph and Andrew MUST take the Roadblock.

(Toyouke: “That is MEAN. See, if we were there, you would assume the roadblock is "jump out of a plane". But the clue says the OTHER person is the skydiver. It's like a Mole twist! OMG I miss the Mole.”)

The following teammates take the Roadblock (which means they did not skydive):

1- Art
2- Brendon
3- Dave B.
4- Jamie
5- Ralph – Vanessa: "My uterus is in my throat!”
6- Andrew
7- Danny – who can’t drive stick shift. “My mother said I should have learned.” (Toyouke: “Should have listened to your mother. Stupid guido.”)
8- Bopper
9- Maiya – who gets her car stuck in the sand. This is not your leg, ladies. (Auburnium013: “Why is her rear wiper on?”)
10- Kerri – who really wanted to skydive. And Stacy is worried her chute won’t open. (Toyouke: “If the parachute doesn't open, you'll be dead. That's what'll happen.”)
11- Cherie

After much driving and skydiving, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Art/JJ
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Bopper/Mark
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Misa/Maiya

Teams are now instructed to drive themselves to Patios de Cafayate Winery and search the grounds for a clue.

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Brendon/Rachel
2- Art/JJ
3- Rachel/Dave
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Bopper/Mark
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
10- Kerri/Stacy
11- Misa/Maiya – who leave their bags in the car. That’s risky. . .

Teams are now instructed to make empanadas. They must make 60 meat and 60 cheese empanadas, and each one has its own crimping style on the edge. Once complete, the Empanada Champion will give them their next clue. (Toyouke: “I feel that I knew somewhere in my head that different empanada fillings get different crimping or shapes or whatever. But I would guess I wouldn't remember that when it came right down to it. “)

Teams get their next clue in the following order:

1- Rachel/Dave
2- Brendon/Rachel
3- Art/JJ
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Kerri/Stacy
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Bopper/Mark – Bopper: “We’re making piñatas!”
10- Misa/Maiya
11- Joey “Fitness”/Danny – who complain they got beat by clowns. (Toyouke: “Oh they aren't the only clowns here.”)

(Toyouke: “I wish this was a Detour: make empanadas or learn the dance everyone is doing in the courtyard.”)

Teams must now make their way to the PIT STOP, Patios de Cafayate Winery. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Rachel/Dave – who win the Express Pass.
2- Brendon/Rachel – (Toyouke: “Good. You didn't get your precious Express Pass.”)
3- Art/JJ
4- Nary/Jamie
5- Vanessa/Ralph
6- Elliot/Andrew
7- Kerri/Stacy
8- Dave/Cherie
9- Bopper/Mark
10- Joey “Fitness”/Danny
11- Misa/Maiya

And Misa and Maiya are the last team to arrive, because they had to go get their bags AND they missed seeing Phil the first time they ran into the Pit Stop area. That’s ok, they weren’t the brightest. (Toyouke: “Are you KIDDING me?!?! I was going to say, defeated by empanadas, but apparently defeated by not being observant AT ALL.”)

ORDER NOW:
1st – Rachel/Dave
2nd – Brendon/Rachel
3rd – Art/JJ
4th – Nary/Jamie
5th – Vanessa/Ralph
6th – Elliot/Andrew
7th – Kerri/Stacy
8th – Dave/Cherie
9th – Bopper/Mark
10th – Joey “Fitness”/Danny

Next week: More Argentina! The boarder patrol guys are running, Big Brother is yelling, and Kentucky is just having fun! Until next time! Clicky clicky

TAR20, Recap Leg 0, 2/12/12

Welcome back to the Amazing Race! Miss me? I thought so. First off, we have some excellent new countries to visit this year, including Paraguay and Axerbaijan! We’re at eleven teams, so no monkey business from the producers, although I hear there are some new tasks and things in store for us, as always. And Toyouke is nearby to throw in her two cents. (Toyouke: “Season 20, huh. Jeez.”) The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Art and JJ, are friends and coworkers from California. Their profession? Bad asses. Also known as US Border Patrol. I bet my boyfriend has seen them on television at some point. (Toyouke: “Interesting. Although, why is everyone's strategy always to be underestimated? Why isn't your strategy "Be the fastest at everything"? Thank goodness JJ has a brain and thinks they should tell people what they do so that they can improve everyone's image of border agents.“) Plus any two men, no matter how old should be able to keep up with the young ones, for at least a little while. (Toyouke: “I feel like they'll probably give each other shit all the time but not have giant fights.”) True that. Prediction: Eighth Place.

Brendon and Rachel, are an engaged YDC from California. They know each other from Big Brother. (Toyouke: “Big Brother couple, we're not here to make friends, blah blah. Go away.”) I agree. And the Big Brother team is usually out in the first half. Prediction: Eleventh Place.

Dave and Cherie, are married parents from Florida. They list their occupation as “Ambassadors of Laughter,” also known as clowns. (Toyouke: “OK, let's get this out of the way right now. "Ambassador of Laughter" is not a job title. "Clown" is a job title. "Clown, Ringling Bros. Circus" is a job title. Ambassadors of Bullshit is more like it. They speak in unison, and it's maybe partially they've been married for 20 years, and partially they think it's cute. Your strategy should not include "other teams will underestimate us, so they will help us out a lot in order to go up against us in the final 3 because they think they can beat us easily". Survivor auditions are down the hall.”) Well stated. Prediction: Seventh Place.

Dave and Rachel, are a married couple from Madison, Wisconsin. Dave is an officer in the US Army. Rachel is his beauty queen-esque wife. Why do I get this sudden urge to wear my “Free Ron” button? (Toyouke: “All I can think of is FREE RON! I mean, he wasn't a POW and she seems much nicer. And their hook is that they're learning to be a couple again after he's been gone for so long. It's just that any time I see a military couple that's what I think of. “) But, they’re going to be pretty strong, by my estimate. Prediction: Third Place.

Elliot and Andrew, are hot boys. They also happen to be twins. And brothers. From the Southwest. The prerequisite eye candy. Oh, and Andrew is an Major League Soccer player. Brothers/Twins seem to do pretty well in this competition, especially if they can prevent themselves from being outwitted. (Toyouke: “It was nice of them to have one with long hair and one with short hair so you can tell them apart. "I think we'll go to many extents to win this Race." Sigh. Hey, at least they didn't say people would underestimate them.”) Prediction: Sixth Place.

Joey and Danny, have nicknames. That’s because they have Jersey Shore written all over them. They work for a fitness club and a promoter, respectively. And they are hot. We’re sure they aren’t just friends? (Toyouke: “I am not calling you "Fitness". Shut up. I don't watch Jersey Shore for a reason. Also, what people in the history of EVER have looked at two meatheads and thought "They're so dumb, they aren't any kind of threat"? Well, probably they thought the first part.”) And, not that I want to do this, but this kind of hot stupid tends to sadly do well. Prediction: Winners, TAR 20.

Kerri and Stacy, are cousins from Gulfport, Mississippi. They look spunky, and I’ve gotta love anyone who uses the word “loquacious” to describe themselves. (Toyouke: “I was fine, but then they called themselves "Double Trouble" and high-fived. Laughing at that nickname? Not a problem. High fiving? Ugh. Everyone always thinks they'll be underestimated. Whatever.”) I think they are going to give everyone a run for their money. Prediction: Second Place.

Mark and Bopper, are the friends from Kentucky. I think this is the third team they’ve cast from Kentucky for the sheer and simple reason that they are from Kentucky. (Toyouke: “Hicks! With accents! I love it. And I like that they are broke, but not saying "We deserve to win because we need the money." They're saying "We need the money, so don't get in our way." I think I like them, because I always like when people are devious and own it. Apologizing to the other teams for whatever you're going to do, because you know you're going to upset them but too bad because you want to win? It's a Boston Rob move and you know how much I love Boston Rob.”) So true. This is going to be a team to watch and be disappointed when they leave. Prediction: Fifth Place.

Misa and Maiya, are sisters from San Diego. They’re Asian! They’re wacky! (Toyouke: “So this team has actually made money hustling male golfers. As in, they have profited from being underestimated. I think this may be one of the very small number of teams that can claim that as a strategy. Also: MOLEY MOLEY MOLE OK I'm done now.”) Maiya is also a professional golfer, and apparently has already been on a reality show. That’s ok, she wasn’t on Big Brother. Prediction: Tenth Place.

Nary and Jamie, are friends and federal agents from Los Angeles. I enjoy how the producers don’t bother to put states anymore for big California cities. This could be one bad ass women’s team that could do very well. (Toyouke: “More law enforcement agents, huh? There are a good number of all-female teams this season. "People don't like cops, so we'll say we're teachers!" Sigh. “) Prediction: Fourth Place.

Vanessa and Ralph, are a YDC (?) from San Antonio, Texas. They remind me of Lori and Bolo for some reason. (Toyouke: “YDC, sort of? In that they're in their 30s and they've known each other for 15 years but only just started dating. Also the bio says Ralph owns a bar, and the video says he is a personal trainer. "I'm not here to make friends" Oh, there it is. I think at least one person has to say that in every season or they have to give back their Emmy for Best Reality Show.”) They aren’t goin g to be around long. Prediction: Ninth Place.

And there it is. Don’t forget to tune in Sunday, February 19 at 7:00 pm CDT for the hour premiere. See you with the first recap soon!
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Project Runway All Stars 2/16/12--"Puttin' on the Glitz" summary

Previously on Project Runway: everyone was supposed to make “sportswear” for a weekend getaway in one of the four seasons. Generally this went over well, except for when Michael scrapped his idea and then made something that was similar to Jerell. They weren’t exactly the same, but everyone brought it up right then so it’s impossible to tell if everyone was freaking out over nothing or if Michael changed his design after everyone accused him of copying Jerell. In the end, Jerell won, which was weird but OK, and Rami went home. His clothes weren’t hideous or anything, they just had a poor color combination and too much draping and fabric. (click for more)

Austin does Kenley’s hair and they talk about how Rami just went home and it’s weird. Jerell points out that eventually they all have to go so he can get paid. True that.

Everyone heads to a theater in Times Square, not a shady one though. That would be awesome, actually. Anyway, it’s a theater showing “Godspell”. Austin loves Broadway and theater, of course. Angela introduces Stephen Schwartz, who is very cool. I like his stuff. Kenley talks about how great he is, which is hilarious because before when Angela is telling them all about what Stephen’s done, you can tell Austin knows who it is just based on the names of the shows. Kenley is shown nodding, and she clearly does not know who is about to walk out. Also her do-rag is stupid. Stephen explains that this week’s winner will have their design featured in the new Broadway run of “Godspell”, which means their bio in the program. This is a great challenge. “Godspell” is a show without a set time or place, so you can make up whatever costumes you want. But how are they going to match this costume with the other costumes? I mean, you can do whatever you want, but everyone goes together, you know? Anyway, they talk to the director and the actress who is one of the disciples. They tell the designers that the character is rich and likes everyone to know it, and the costumes should look like each character built their own look out of whatever they had, or from a thrift store or something. Also it must be separates, because the other characters will be dressing her onstage. Also do you know what it makes me think of? That challenge in Jerell’s season when they had to design for the athletes at the Olympic Opening Ceremonies, and Jerell made up an outfit that looked like it would be in a musical about the Olympics. Kmanpat and I named it and came up with a plot and everything.

Austin uses the word “thespian”, and I am sure no one is surprised. Everyone is sketching and trying to figure out what they’re going to do. Mood shopping involves rich fabrics and brocade for Austin and bright colors for Kara and Mondo.

I think they have the rest of the day for the challenge, and it’s about 1pm right now. Kenley’s do-rag is covering curlers? OK. She’s making a brocade jacket. Jerell has a peplum and gold lame. Austin is going for some poofy thing. You remember his outfit for that singer his season? When he did like a Little Bo Peep thing? It’s like that. Kenley loudly talks about how Kara is done and then drags her to praise Kenley’s design and they throw fabric and generally piss off Mila. Austin is thrilled just for the chance to have his stuff on Broadway.

Joanna time! Austin is going Marie Antoinette. Lots of gold and silver brocade. Joanna says it could be hideous or fabulous, “and right now it’s hideous, but you’re going to make it fabulous. Right Austin?” Oo. Kara has a big floppy bow and a maxi skirt. She is not being creative enough and not pushing herself enough. Kara kind of freaks out because she feels Joanna just told her she doesn’t belong on All-Stars. Mila has a skirt in an eye-searing yellow and green stripe. She promises a non-Mila design. Mondo’s fabric is great but from a distance might be too subtle. Jerell has wickety wack trim. But that is Jerell. Kenley has no polka dots and Joanna tells her this is the first week without them. There is a red print brocade for a coat with a long peplum and some feathers and a print skirt. Actually it might work.

Kenley interviews that Kara is breaking down and there is no time for her to unravel. Michael and Mondo go over to give her a hug. Model fittings. There is a lot of print going on today. Mondo doesn’t like his look once he gets it on his model. Kenley talks about how awesome she is and how annoying it must be for everyone else. Kara helps Mondo out and encourages him. He’s still reeling from last challenge and how they didn’t like his look but he took it personally.

Day of the show. Most people are still working. Mila is shedding faux fur everywhere. Austin isn’t even done. He’s very agitated and starts a fight with Jerell about the sewing machines and Jerell is using his but Michael was using it before and he said Austin could use it and everyone else is in the workroom laughing because this is pretty stupid. I’m pretty sure there are more than seven machines. Michael has picked out shoes that don’t actually fit his model so he’s making straps for them. Hot makeup guy. Running. Kara burns herself on the hot glue gun. Mila uses a ton of jewelry.

Angela comes out in a dress she borrowed from Heidi and introduces the guest judge, Sutton Foster. Michael: chartreuse full skirt, and a high-necked halter top in a coordinating print. Eh…it’s OK I guess. But it doesn’t look like it should be in a show. Also she has a matching fascinator but her hair is pulled back so it looks like her hair is green. Kenley: pencil skirt in a teal and red print, jacket in red and white brocade with a long peplum in the back, and white feather trim along the neckline. It’s the kind of jacket that has one button in the front. Under that is a white top. It’s very loud, the colors, but somehow it all fits and I can see this in the show more easily than Michael’s. Austin: black capri leggings, silver lame skirt with poofs of fabric, and a black top? A shrug? I think maybe it’s a dress with a lot of sternum showing, and then her arms are covered but not her shoulders. It’s very 80’s. Which…I think you want “Rock of Ages”? Jerell: full skirt in charcoal, and a black and white checked jacket with a ton of trim down the front and on the waist and the cuffs. The skirt seems to be longer on the sides than the front, and I think there is a lot of stuff going on in that jacket. Kara: bright red pencil skirt, fur stole, big silver bow at her stomach, and a black and white striped top. It’s not particularly costumey, and I don’t like the bow, but without the bow it’s not a bad outfit. Mondo: long dress in what looks like gold lame, with an overlay of a orange print that looks like it has peacock feathers on it. Over that is a coat in blue or maybe more peacock, with gold trim and elbow length sleeves. And I think feathers along the cuffs and neckline? It’s totally over the top, loud, and instantly says “I am a rich woman”. Or possibly “I am crazy”. I like it though. Mila: short skirt in bright yellow and green stripes, with a piece hanging off the side like she wrapped a towel around her waist and left the end hanging off. White faux fur coat and gold top.

Jerell is safe. Interesting. Michael shows off the shoe straps, which don’t look that great but at least the green matches. He also talks about how there has to be some humor, although I’m not sure what humor he was going for. Georgina wishes it was more eccentric. Sutton and Angela think she looks like a rich party girl bitch. Kenley talks about the East Village, and Isaac thinks her black shoes are not OK. The coat is really cut well but maybe there are one too many things going on. Angela wonders if she looks rich enough. Austin has some weird story about “Let them wear Austin Scarlett”. It looks modern and would draw attention. Isaac says it borders on too young, because something about wearing Austin Scarlett and that woman has to have money. He says he likes it though, and then this is that shot they keep showing where Austin says “It’s Scarlett” and Isaac says “Oh, did I say Starlet?” Totally not a fight at all. Mila wanted to be noticed. Isaac likes the two pieces but not together. She’s a little streetwalker, says Sutton. Mondo has a whole story about his costume, which is nice. Isaac thinks she’s sexy in a crazy way. The dress by itself is great too. There are several layers, but they show that the hemline is not even. Kara rethought her outfit, but the bow is not good. She needs to tweak it, and the slit in the back of the skirt is off center and wonky. Oo, it is. The idea is good but the execution is poor.

Everyone likes Michael’s outfit, and he gets a ton of praise that I don’t think is warranted but I’m not there, I guess. Sutton likes looking at it, but it’s not specific. Mondo’s outfit is very well made, but the length of the skirt is looking a little unresolved. Austin’s outfit is an outfit you could dance in, which is an excellent point. Mila’s outfit makes it look like the girl does drugs. Sutton could show the outfit, but for a different type of character. Isaac thought this was Kara’s best challenge so far, but it’s still not good. They really don’t like it. Kenley only heard the part about how the character could work some vintage, but not the rest of it about how she’s rich.

Michael is in. Mondo wins. Nice, I think that will fit into “Godspell” very well. Austin is in. Kenley is in. Mila is in. Poor Kara. She says she always gave all that she had, and she wanted her kids to be proud of her. Aww.

Next week: the UN, national costumes maybe? Using flags to inspire outfits? I hope no one offends any countries. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 2/15/12--"Culinary Games" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Beverly made it back into the competition. The one person guaranteed to provide maximum drama. Sarah won the Quickfire and took immunity instead of a car, which, duh. Everyone else had to make dishes for their mentors. Paul won, because he needed a car to carry all his money home in. Ed used smoked oysters from a plastic tub, which doomed him. Admit it, you knew he was doomed the minute he bought them. That never goes well. (click for more)

Actually, the previouslies focus on Ed and Beverly. No discussion of what the challenges were, no discussion of who won. Just Beverly being vaguely clueless and Ed failing. So now you want us to see how Beverly is annoying? Because if you still wanted us to root for her, you would have shown her dish and all the praise she got.

The final four arrive in Vancouver. Sarah says she’s had time to “learn a lot about [her]self”. I’m not sure when they filmed this finale. Had the show started to air already? Because this sounds like “I saw myself on TV and now I know I didn’t look very good.” She’s going to be nice, she says. Oh yeah, she’s seen herself. Lindsay smugs that she, Sarah, and Paul have a “special” bond because they’ve been through this the whole way. Lindsay knows it’s weird to see Beverly, probably because she’s already started to see how things look to the average viewer. Paul starts to talk about his grandfather who fled the Philippines. The minute they get in the minivan they find a note from Padma telling them to drive to Whistler and head for the top of the mountain. Paul gets stuck driving, and I would care about how that’s sexist possibly, but I don’t like driving so I would have made him drive too.

Lindsay says to everyone that she is upset with how upset she was in some situations, saying she was ashamed of her behavior without actually apologizing to anyone. Beverly for some reason says Last Chance Kitchen was awesome, which is a weird thing to say. I know Paul asked her, but still. Sarah interrupts her to tell everyone to look at a tree. Nice.

Now that we’re in the mountains everyone is kitted out in ski pants. Sarah interviews that maybe they’ll have a ski race where they have to pick up ingredients as they ski down the mountain. Don’t give the producers ideas, Sarah. Paul’s glad to not be in Texas in the summer, but also not happy about the snow. Tom and Padma are standing around outside, and the wind is severe enough Tom is bending into it. And Tom’s not small. Now we talk about the Olympics. And “Culinary Games”. Sigh. There will be three events, each one worth $10,000. First event: Peak 2 Peak. Cook a dish on a gondola. Paul immediately says he gets motion sick. Suck. So they have to make something, and when they get to the other side, jump out and grab one last ingredient. Then put the new ingredient in the dish on the way back, and then take the dish somewhere to serve. This is stupid. Why can’t they just cook? It’s already high altitude, that will screw them enough. I don’t like when my shows try to look like other shows, like the stupid Last Chance Kitchen/Redemption Island thing, and all of these “Amazing Race“ challenges. Why do you want “Top Chef” to be another show?

So the gondola ride lasts 22 minutes. Each car has a couple baskets of ingredients and some induction burners. Paul is making lamb. Sarah has a hard time deciding what to do because there are more things in the car than she thought. She takes salmon, but there are scales so she throws it back in the basket. Beverly is making something cold since it’s cold in the gondola. Lindsay is having trouble with the balance in the car.

So when they get to the other end of the gondola line, they have to pick a new ingredient. There are several choices, though, all in covered canisters, and the car doesn’t stop moving. Paul finds wasabi paste. His lamb isn’t cooking so he cuts the chops off the bone and then into smaller pieces. Sarah goes through every container and ends up with prune juice. I think she is planning to deglaze a pan, but meanwhile she’s discovered everything freezes. Beverly finds prepared horseradish. Lindsay hates all the canister choices and takes horseradish also.

Paul plates things and puts covers on the dishes. It looks like the restaurant is close by. He takes responsibility for the fact that his dish is not where he wants it and refuses to blame the gondola or his motion sickness. Padma introduces Gretchen Blieler who is a snowboarder and I’m not sure how she is qualified to judge food but whatever. Seared lamb loin with curried mushrooms and wasabi crème fraiche. Sarah: chorizo sausage with onions, prune juice, gooseberries, and pickled mushrooms. Pickles are this season’s scallop. Beverly: salmon tartare, anchovy horseradish crème fraiche and crispy capers. Lindsay: seared salmon, red quinoa “risotto” with chorizo and horseradish vinaigrette.

Tom says Paul’s dish was good, although the meat is unevenly cooked and underseasoned. Wasabi and lamb go together. Sarah’s dish didn’t have a lot of prune flavor, but the gooseberries were good. No one expected a cold dish from Beverly, but it was ice cold and the knife work is great for the location. Lindsay cooked her salmon perfectly, even though she had to cut the pieces up because she didn’t cook enough. Then Padma drops the bombshell that the winner will get immunity and make it through to the finals. That seems tacked on. Like, the producers saw who was going to win, and then said “Let’s give them immunity so we know they’ll move on”. And I don’t even know who it is yet. Paul was last, and Sarah third, and the winner is Lindsay. So now she can take the rest of the day off. Well, I guess they all get the rest of the day off. She can take tomorrow off.

They go to the hotel and Beverly says they‘re at the Fairmount, and her own restaurant is in the Fairmount in Chicago, so maybe it‘s a sign? Sarah and Paul talk about how rough that was and speculate that after the second event they probably will give someone else immunity so the last event will be head to head. They mention Beverly, and Paul says you can’t underestimate her. Sarah vaguely agrees but we’ve all seen her talk about how crappy Beverly is. Sarah interviews with some grudging respect for Beverly and how she has nothing to lose.

There is a cute boy here. Not that I’m complaining. This is Jon Montgomery, who competes in skeleton. That’s the one where you go face first, as opposed to luge, where you lie on your back and go feet first. Fearless. They whisk away the cloths, and all of the food for the challenge is frozen in ice. So you have to chip your food out before you can cook something? Sigh. Beverly claims to not have used an ice pick before, ever, which seems stupid. Seriously? An ice pick? But then she references She-Ra so that’s nice. Sarah says she has to win, because she is too nervous to go against Beverly.

One hour to chip your stuff out. Paul beats Beverly to the crab legs. Then he gets lucky and throws his block on the ground to bust it all open. Beverly is using a frying pan, which I don’t think is going to work. Also I think she broke the pan. Paul eventually tells Beverly to be careful. Then, because Paul is awesome, he starts helping the girls break the other ice blocks open. I guess they’re not strong enough to lift the blocks high enough to dash them on the ground? Paul says it’s about the food, not about how many ice blocks you can chip. ARE YOU LISTENING PRODUCERS? Finally everyone is cooking. Sarah is making soup with vegetables, because they can thaw as they cook. Paul messes with Sarah about liking the cold and not really being from Texas. Paul realizes he gave away his red wine so he has to make chutney instead of gastrique. Beverly says she is picking up ice shards to cook with, except that she is all the way behind the cooking stations. Did some ice get all the way over there? Otherwise, I hope that snow is clean. Sarah’s soup is separating so she has to blend it with the stick blender.

Sarah: pea and spinach soup with turmeric, almonds, and king crab. They judge her right there and tell her the soup is pretty good, but thin, so the almonds seem heavy. And lucky for her Paul gave her some crab. Paul: poached king crab, toasted almonds, mango chutney with orange marmalade. Gail likes the mango, but it’s still a little frozen. Beverly: seared scallop with red wine reduction, buttered peas, corn, and couscous. Jon asks Beverly if she was picturing any other contestants while she was hacking at the ice. Heh. Gail says she can think of one or two, probably. The sauce was a little heavy but there was good flavor. Couscous was good.
Paul wins. Good. That means either Sarah or Beverly is going home, and I am fine with either one of those. Sarah is still talking about going up against Beverly, which is weird. Either she goes home, and is trying to rationalize how she was afraid of Beverly the whole time, or she really did change and is a nicer person, one who can recognize Beverly’s talent.

Padma greets the girls with a gun. Another guest judge? Stupid. This one is Cammi Granato, who is a female hockey player. OK, that’s cool. Biathlon time. That’s where you get on cross country skis, then you have to shoot targets while you are out of breath from the skiing. These targets will have their ingredients on them. They have 10 bullets. Sarah has practiced shooting tin cans with her dad, but Beverly has not skied or shot a gun before. Tom jokes that none of the targets have judges’ names on them.

Sarah says she would never forgive herself if Beverly moved on instead of her. They’re really editing it to look like Sarah loses, aren’t they? Lots of shots of falling down. Beverly turns around, and she and Sarah run into each other, sort of. Sarah interviews that Beverly likes to take out the competition, ignoring 1. the fact that Beverly fell too, and 2. if she was going to take you out she would have flailed with the poles and hit you in the knee. Beverly gets back to the shooting and starts picking out ingredients. Beverly hits arctic char, but then starts missing targets. Sarah can’t hit anything either. Finally she hits rabbit, but it takes half her bullets. She actually complains to the guy running the thing that she thinks Beverly had way more shots than she did. Seriously? Anyway, she wants beets, but Beverly gets to it first.

Beverly has arctic char, celery root, winter truffle, fennel, and beets. Sarah has rabbit, cabbage, hazelnuts, and cherries. Beverly is slow roasting her fish, which is a risk. I have no idea how much time they have. I can’t read the timer. Sarah is cooking her rabbit several different ways. Beverly calls out 39 minutes, so I’m not sure how she is slow roasting anything. An hour is not slow. Sarah has another confessional where she talks about Beverly being in Last Chance Kitchen and being a good chef again. I get it, JESUS. Either Sarah really wants us to believe she’s a nice person, or the producers want to make sure we all love Beverly, but right now? I am rooting against her just to be perverse. Beverly can’t find Asian flavors, so she’s hoping that being different will help her with the judges. For some reason she’s set up her blender on Sarah’s station, and at first Sarah starts to tell her she has her own outlet on her own station, but then she just says it’s fine. See, that is totally justified. Stay on your own station. There is a shot of Beverly with a glove on her hand, so I wonder if she cut herself.

Beverly: slow roasted Arctic char, onion and beet compote, celery root truffle puree, fennel salad. Sarah: braised rabbit leg and heart with cherries, hazelnuts and sauerkraut puree. Beverly says she pureed the celery root to make “unctuousness”. This turned out well and the flavors melded, but her fish is slightly overcooked. Sarah took a lot of risks, but it turned out “nicely”. She went with German flavors. Gail thought the rabbit was tough.

Sarah used the ingredients well, you could taste all of them. Gail says braising the rabbit made it tough. Beverly mixed seafood with earthy flavors but something wasn’t seasoned enough. This is really short but Bravo keeps stuttering and cutting out and I keep losing the sound. So I missed a bunch of this. It’s happened before, and I complained then and it sort of got fixed. I haven’t had a problem until recently but I’m sure it’s some kind of screw-up on their end.

Commercial interlude: Lindsay and Paul come to visit the kitchen. Paul says that both girls are tough competitors, while Lindsay says she wants Sarah to make it through to the final.
Tom reminds Sarah and Beverly how they just screwed up slightly and then Padma sends Beverly home the HELL!?! Well played, Bravo. Well played. She thinks that everyone sees her differently now that she’s proven herself. Padma reminds Sarah that she’s won $10,000, because that was the deal with the events, and Sarah has actually forgotten about that part. Sarah is nice to Beverly on her way out.

Next week: Sarah gloats Beverly is gone, celebrity sous chefs, a huge party? Not a dinner? Padma says “You will move on to the finale”???? So the finale isn’t next week? Good, because it’s Ash Wednesday and I have theater tickets on top of that, so the recap may be late. And if they’re not deciding the winner, then I won’t feel bad. Clicky clicky