Thursday, September 1, 2011

Project Runway 9/1/11--"The Art of the Matter" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the producers made everyone race for team leader spots. Cecilia finally succumbed to her unhappiness and quit, but not before Heidi railed on her for a bit for sucking. Because apparently Julie is too boring, the designers were told they could bring anyone back that they wanted, so they wanted Josh. C. Teams had to design for Heidi‘s New Balance line, and make clothes specifically for her “fashion sneakers“ or whatever they were, looking like retro 70‘s low-top Nikes. Designers were specifically told to think outside the box and make dresses and suits, but then were docked points for making things women could not work out in, and also for making the models look like business women who commute on public transportation and wear sneakers to walk in. Bert continued to be a jerk, going so far as to grin and fist-pump on the runway when the rest of his team was told their clothes sucked. Josh M. was a complete asshat to Becky, because he only picked her so she could sew everything for them. Then he told her her clothes were dowdy and tried to explain that he didn‘t mean it in a bad way. For some unfathomable reason (which would probably just irritate me more) this action was praised by the judges, because he “ran his team“. So, the first time that I can remember in the history of the show that the judges gave a crap about team dynamics, and they praise the team leader for being an asshat. Oh, and then give him a co-win, even though he didn’t actually design the dress that “won“. Viktor won too, and Danielle went home. Oh, and they‘ll probably have a million decoy collections again. I do not like where this show seems to be heading. (click for more)

Also, now I have Don Henley in my head, so thanks for that, Lifetime.

The boys sit around the apartment and it seems pretty awkward. Anthony Ryan says that he and Bert are calling a truce. Bert says that he’s just going to worry about what he has to do today, and try not to be an asshole to anyone. Is that remorse? Or an “Oh, I’m such a bad boy, ha ha”? I can’t tell. The girls are much better, except that Becky has just moved in, and apparently Laura doesn’t like her? I feel like I missed that, or Laura had kept her mouth shut maybe.

Heidi reminds Viktor and Josh M. they have immunity. Then she says that she wants to send them “back to school”. Then she makes a lame old person joke at Bert’s expense and sends them on their field trip. Anthony Ryan says they’re either dressing students, or dressing teachers.
The designers end up at Harlem School of the Arts. And there are students who have made art for them. They seem to be about 11 or 12 years old. Viktor does not seem to like children much. The designers will be collaborating with the students on a piece of art, which should then inspire an “avant-garde” design. Oo, and they get two days! Anya loves the arts. Once they get inside and start working, it seems that the age range is like, 12-17. Viktor wishes he had a cocktail. I think most people are having fun, even Viktor, and no one is mean. Josh C.’s student promises to cry if the judges say anything bad about his clothes. Hee. Laura is gossiping to her student about the last challenge. Her student (who is ELEVEN) tells her it’s an opportunity to be better and other adult mentor-type things. Tim collects the students, gives them 30 minutes to sketch, and then he’ll take them shopping. Viktor randomly says “I’m never having kids. Oh my Lord of the Rings.” …people really say that? Olivier was pretty confident when he started, but now he’s more confused. Josh M. likes things that are fake. Yup. His picture is a tree with roots and he has no clue what he’s going to do. Sigh. Josh C. is not doing something literal, which is good as he seems to have a painting of a werewolf.

30 minutes and $300. Tim chases the poor dog around. Olivier is using chiffon but he’s never used it before. Tim tells Josh C. (and the rest of us) that he is not allowed to use real fur. Then he only spends like, $170 somehow. Huh? What happened with that?

Back at Parson’s, Viktor rolls his eyes and mocks everyone’s fabric choices. Tim appears and says they have until 10pm tonight, and all day tomorrow. He’ll come back tomorrow to see what they’re doing. Why not today? Bert asks him to clarify something, and Tim says that this is not a “red carpet” challenge, it is an “avant-garde” challenge. Bert thinks this does not mean he has to make a costume or do anything weird, but it does have to be forward thinking. Becky and Laura both seem to go with “weird”, with Laura further clarifying that she does not expect that anyone would wear an avant-garde piece in real life. Except Lady Gaga. Oo, that’s a good example. Viktor thinks it is edgy and should make you wonder how it’s made. Olivier knows his look is more quiet than others. Josh M. is painting panels of his skirt to look like wood. He uses the word “breastplate”, but as he has a tree, and he wants to carve a heart and initials into it, that’s actually not bad. Possibly. Anthony Ryan says you have to be the right person to use fur. The implication is that Josh C. is not the right person. Viktor makes a joke about length. Bert dyes some of his fabric for jodhpurs. Anthony Ryan’s dress must fit perfectly. Laura is cutting organza and burning the edges so they don’t fray. She says it smells like when she used to burn her Barbies. Your Barbies were made of raw silk? I doubt it. She jokes about burning down the workroom and Josh C. says he is a Needle Scout so he can put out the fire. Or possibly he says “Eagle Scout” but Needle Scout is funnier. Josh M. claims interest in what Becky is doing. Why, you ask? Because he hopes his “direction” last week will help her think outside the box and make better clothes. You mean your “direction” of “Shut up and sew, I didn’t pick you to design”? Ass. Viktor hopes his dress does not turn out like a House of Dereon dress. Hee! Laura tells Bert he could play the straight card, and then he tells them he was widowed and interviews to us that he turned to alcohol. He gets a phone call home. To be fair, the other designers express sympathy. Kimberly is behind.

Everyone meanders home, where Laura says she is worried about Josh C. because he is inspired by a werewolf. Josh C. is so thrilled about it though.

Next day! Everyone back to work! Olivier is kind of a slow worker, says Viktor. And he worries. Josh C. describes his skirt to Laura, and you can tell she thinks it sucks. Tim appears to tell everyone their artwork has arrived, and so have the students. Fun! I think all the students like the designs, and some of them have suggestions which seem to be well-received.

Tim time! Anthony Ryan wants his dress to look like paint, but not orange and black together. Anya wants something tasteful, and Tim thinks that it would be impossible for Anya to not be tasteful. Bryce is talking to his student to see how she thinks. Kimberly has literal wings, as she is working from a bird painting. Tim predicts Kors will say “Take me to Geronimo”. Laura has peach and flowery or something. Her student’s opinion? “I think it will look much better when it’s a finished product.” Ha! Well played. Becky has some cubes on the shoulder, and Tim warns her against “craft project”. Her dress is made of denim, so she’s already in the hole for that, and Tim says right now it’s not enough. Becky knows if she hasn’t wowed Tim, she certainly won’t wow the judges. Bert has…a bustier and a giant pair of jodhpurs. Like, Kenley puffy sleeves-level of giant. Ugh. Olivier is not used to working with color. He may not be taking his dress far enough. Every time Olivier tries to pin Tim down he dodges, which is weird. Tim reminds Josh M. that his dress should stand on its own, without explanation. Josh C., however, might be too literal. Tim doesn’t want him to go home again. Viktor for some reason is worried when his student talks to Tim. I’m not sure. She’s selling his dress. Tim collects the students and says they’ll be at the runway show. Nice.

Viktor has discovered that his student is awesome and he and Kimberly hope she stands up to Kors if Viktor ends up on the bottom. That would be fantastic. Bryce is losing his mind. He talks about straightjackets. Olivier seems to be behind, and Laura says that is par for the course. Anya doesn’t think Josh C. is proving himself enough. He cuts himself a Mohawk out of his fake fur.
Model fitting time! Bert’s model tells him his giant pants are good. Seriously, I could probably fit into them, and I am FAR from a model. Becky has been in the middle a lot, so she thinks if she’s in the bottom they’ll declare their boredom and get rid of her. Laura asks Bert about his “jodhpurs”, and he declares them “fat pants”. Viktor says it’s at least fun to look at which is important. Josh C. is sitting with his head in his hands thinking. They make it looks like everyone is standing around looking at his dress and making comments. He’s starting to freak out. Aww.

Morning of the show. Everyone still has work to do. Anya worries about Olivier, but unlike everyone else, she worries about his design instead of how he’s going to finish. Josh C. would have had fun, if he hadn’t had to make an outfit inspired by a werewolf. Tim appears and gives them 2 hours. Olivier is seriously out of time. Hot makeup guy! Oh, everyone loves him. How come we can’t get a challenge with him talking instead of Collier Strong, who, incidentally, I have not seen all season? I mean really. Olivier borrows glue. To glue the dress onto his model. Tim busts in and tells him it’s against the rules to glue things to the model. It’s not sticking now, so it’s OK? That was anti-climactic. A ton of frantic working. Josh M. says something bitchy. Actually, a lot of people say bitchy things about other people. I don’t remember everyone hating on their competitors so much before.

Guest judge is Kenneth Cole. Also Nina is not here, but Zanna Roberts Rassi is. Kimberly: her painting is a bird, and her dress is a very short skirt with an asymmetrical overlay, like a flap on one side. And lots of feathers. The whole thing is in red and black, with a keyhole opening and a tight hood over her head. Or maybe a thick headband and slick ponytail. Becky: a space scene with a red orb and green stars. Her dress has one shoulder, and the opposite hem is very long. All down the diagonal is green cubes and squares, and cutouts on the skirt. Olivier: the painting is swirls of blue and yellow and red, and the dress is white with a splash of blue and yellow. It looks terrible. It’s just like, flowy pieces slapped together, like something else was supposed to be going on but it just didn’t happen. Josh M.: the painting is an orange tree with green roots. Orange puffy top with just like, ruffles crammed in everywhere, and no back. The skirt is a circle skirt in brown that looks like wood, but I can’t see the initials he “carved” into it. Bert: the painting is all abstract random shapes in lots of colors. The outfit is a bustier with random stuffed shapes on it, and some netting. The pants are stupid huge, with more cut out colored shapes down the sides. I find it fugly. Viktor: lot of swirls and greens and blues. The dress has one long sleeve and the other side has no sleeve, and it looks like it’s gathered in horizontal layers, in white and blue, and it’s wrinkled and slit just so. Actually it’s not bad. Laura: she kept saying her painting was a flower, but it looks more like a fruit still life. She has a long peach dress, with a ton of horizontal ruffles in the bodice and vertical ruffles in the skirt. Except that the peachy yellow color is not the most prominent color in her painting. It’s very “dusted fairy” as she says. Bryce: this really creepy painting of a person with bulging eyes. The dress is a red turtleneck, with a black skirt. The top has long straightjacket sleeves. Josh C: it’s a werewolf painting. Short leather skirt, with a white blouse and a black like, holster type thing over her shoulders and upper chest. I’m not sure. Anthony Ryan: the painting is self portraits of himself and his student. The dress is gray with lots of strips of color, yellow and blue and black. The color is supposed to look like paint, which it kind of does. Anya: two barren trees and yellow ground, and a sun. Very low cut v-neck with a short skirt and a voluminous overskirt in a red/brown print. The top is made from feathers to make a fringe over her shoulders. I kind of dig it.

Kimberly, Viktor, Becky, Bryce, and Anya are safe. Boo, Anya is safe? They go back to the Scrap Bin and talk about who is in the top. Bryce says that Bert’s outfit sucks, and Viktor says that he thinks Bert will be the winner. Bryce responds that if Bert wins, he’ll jump out the window. Josh M. tells his explanation, which hopefully they don’t need. But they like the skirt and how it’s painted. In other news, what is on his shoulders? Like, black leather with spikes. Kors thinks his styling is a little over the top. Josh C. talks about wolves. Kors says “Victorian cocktail waitress in Vegas”. Zanna says it’s trashy. Heidi says it looks like a hooker, but Josh C. stands up for himself and says he doesn’t think it’s that trashy. Zanna basically tells him that since they all think it’s ugly, it is ugly. Cole says it doesn’t come together. Bert basically explains that it’s literally the painting. Zanna doesn’t think anyone would ever wear it. Kors tells him it’s not modern. For some reason, Heidi likes that it was literal. Why is there always some serious crazy coming from the judges? Laura somehow says her boning in the bodice is like thorns. Zanna couldn’t see how the painting was connected to the dress until Laura explained it. Apparently even though Tim warned against it (making your dress so confusing you have to explain it), this is not a problem. They all like the color and the ruffles and all. Olivier says his dress is dreamy, but he knows they don’t like it. The painting is not as sad as his dress. Most of the skirt is a gray non-color, and would have been better in the colored chiffon. Cole says it’s not boring, but too busy. The constructed side of the bodice is great, but the blue side he tried to glue to his model sucks. Anthony Ryan has a great dress, which they point out is great even though he’s colorblind. Look, gray, black, and yellow are not that many colors. It’s not literal but has dimension, and even the unfinished hem works. Cole doesn’t like the unfinished though. But the other judges seem to really like it.

Josh M. had a cool skirt with great texture, with painting, and the bright top. Laura’s mix of ruffles and visible boning was apparently really cool. I guess it was. And very well made. Anthony Ryan made a beautiful, interesting dress. It’s wearable but also powerful. Cole insists on bringing up his lack of finishing. Olivier had just too many layers going on, and his clothes are boring. Heidi points out that in casting she was blown away by his designs, and now she’s bored. Josh C. gets nailed for not making an interesting enough dress, and they decide he just missed it. Bert made a Teletubby outfit, says Kors. There is a diaper joke. The cut out shapes were bad, and the fact that they were 3D just made it worse.

Anthony Ryan is the winner. I did like his outfit. Plus Josh M. looks pissed so that is all I really need at this point. Josh M. is in. Laura is in. Bert is in, apparently because Heidi liked his outfit for some reason. Olivier is in. Boo. Poor Josh. Not that I hate Olivier, but his dress was pretty bad. Josh says it’s easier the second time.

Next time: teams AGAIN. Looks like Josh M. and Bert are put together. Josh cries about his mom for some reason, and I’m not sure how that got brought up. Tim wants them to join hands. I don’t really want to watch Josh and Bert be asshats for 90 minutes again.


Duabe said...

Great recap - loved your one-word summation of Josh M. *ss! Perfect!

Question - who ratted on Olivier's glue gun? Viktor-the-rat?

MoHub said...

I'd guess that someone on the production crew nipped out to tell Tim about the boob gluing while the rest of them were filming the incident.

vix said...

Interesting about the gluing thing -- I'd wondered how he knew about it too. I had visions of Tim sitting in a green room somewhere watching hidden cameras of all the contestants in the workrooms.