Top Chef 1/11/12--"Restaurant Wars" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: the Quickfire involved “modernist cuisine”, which everyone took to mean “molecular gastronomy”. I don’t know what it means either. Sadly MotoChris did not win, but Ty-Lor was the victor. Then everyone had to make BBQ for 300 people. This involved teams, staying up all night, and various people not wanting to be with various other people, and grilling things which is not the same as barbeque so getting in trouble for that. It also involved Sarah avoiding passing out by going to the hospital, and Ed bitching about it. Then he bitched when she came back. Ed’s not a happy person. The team of Paul, Lindsay, and Grayson won with some Asian flavors, and while everyone else seemed to suck at some level, Chris C. goes home for making the rubs for his team. Salty rubs. Yeah. (click for more)

At Last Chance Kitchen Chris and Nyesha go to a gas station to buy things, and they seem to do fairly well, but in the end Nyesha remains victorious.

Didn’t the promo say this Restaurant Wars was men vs. women? Did they just come up with that? As in, they saw that it was even and said “Let’s divide them that way instead of drawing knives or whatever”? Because otherwise that means they had to plan to have even numbers by making sure to get rid of certain people, and while I would totally assume that of Project Runway, I would like to think this show is better than that.

No Quickfire today. Padma and Hugh get right to it and declare Restaurant Wars: Girls vs. Boys. Ed of course thinks the boys are better, and decides to get in a jab at Sarah by saying her weakness is “barbequing in the sun”. I’m pretty sure with three other people she’s going to be able to avoid that, if their restaurant even has barbeque. Sarah is worried about Beverly. It sounds like this season they’ll be taking over the same restaurant, so one team will serve one night and the other team the night after. Plus you get to eat in the other team’s restaurant. Interesting. The team that goes second gets a whole day to adjust and analyze the other team’s problems. They flip a coin to decide who goes first, and the boys win (lose?) so they go first. Three course menu, two choices per course, for 100 guests. One person must be front-of-house, and each person has to make at least one dish. 5 hours to cook and decorate.

45 minutes to plan. Ed says he can do front-of-house. Right. He claims to have some experience because he owns his restaurant, but he’s been acting like a jerk for a while. Maybe he’ll be nice to customers? Let’s hope so. Lindsay sort of gets volunteered to be in the front, because as Grayson says, she’s opened restaurants and can keep her cool. They seem to be going for rustic and homey, with the name “Half Bushel”. That’s not a bad name. The boys want to go for “Canteen”, which doesn’t suck. I think they are collaborating on their food, except I can’t tell what the theme is. Who knows. Someone tells Beverly she has to take over a dish, and Sarah shoots down all her ideas. Then she volunteers short ribs, and Sarah is all, do you want to do short ribs AGAIN? And someone says “Why not? She’s fucking good at it.” Exactly. Beverly says “I gotta have a dish. I’m sorry” to Sarah, and Sarah condescends, “That’s not what I’m saying, Bev”. What are you saying, then? Did Sarah decide someone has to bully Beverly?

People shop for decorations, but that never matters. You know, based on EVERY PREVIOUS SEASON. Food shopping involves $4000. Grayson says she feels bad for Beverly, because “the girls” don’t like her, but everyone is here to win. Does Grayson include herself in “the girls”? Really it seems Sarah is nitpicking everything Beverly does while Grayson and Lindsay stand around. MotoChris (hey! I can just call him Chris now!) thinks the girls are self destructing. “Boys rule, girls are gonna lose.” Oh, you can’t even get THAT right? GOD.

In the morning Chris says this whole thing is the Kobayashi Maru. So…it’s an impossible test that everyone fails because the test is rigged, and the only way not to fail is to cheat. Oh, I paused too soon. He explains what the Kobayashi Maru is. Actually he explains it as an impossible test but leaves out the part about cheating. And William Shatner. Lots of prep and cooking, and Ed setting up the dining room by himself. I think Ty-Lor says something about fish caramel sauce. Ed’s making a dessert, but Chris is helping him out. I think their decorations are “rustic” or at least playful. Amusingly Ed says he has to clean the bathrooms too. But I am glad to see he gives good directions to the wait staff.

Service starts, and the food looks interesting, and Ed is running around seating people and reminding the waiters to put table numbers on things. Ty-Lor is realizing they never agreed on who was going to expedite, so they’re kind of standing around in the kitchen talking about it. Ed is asking people to wait. Someone says her wine is warmer than her meal. Ouch. Of course this is when the judges show up. Emeril is here, and Hugh and Tom and Padma. No guest judge today? However, between the four of them (well, three aside from Padma) they own or operate 39 restaurants. Wow. Ed says “Canteen” is about a community dining place, and all their menu items started out simple but are elevated. Chris tells us the servers don’t seem to understand where to take food or what is going on. Not sure if that’s due to dumb servers, or no one expediting, or Ed not doing things, or what. The judges notice that Ty-Lor is outside the kitchen, in his apron. They don’t quite know what he is doing, although we can see he’s trying to figure out who gets the entrees that are cooling in front of him. I think they were fired too early. The girls show up too, but I’m guessing no one will care what they think.

Ty-Lor: Thai style crab and shrimp salad, caramel fish sauce and peanuts. Paul: ham and pork pate with mushrooms, braised mustard seeds and duck fat crostini. Ty-Lor’s dish looks like a wedge salad, like a wedge of endive and sauce. Paul has served a jar for some reason. Is the pate in the jar? Why is his dish called “ham and eggs” when there are no eggs? The crab and shrimp are kind of flat, but cooked well, and I guess the duck fat and mustard sort of looks like an egg. The brioche is greasy. Now Paul is outside the window. Why can’t they expedite inside the kitchen instead of at the window where they block the waiters from picking up plates? Ty-Lor: poached salmon in warm tomato water, clams, salmon skin, and tomatillo jam. Paul: crispy skin pork belly with green apple and sweet potato puree. Yum. Hugh immediately notices none of the salmon has mushrooms. Not good. It’s OK anyway, as is Paul’s, although Tom thinks he could have done more. The girls talk about how intense this will be tomorrow. Ed: Almond Joy cake with malted chocolate mousse, and banana coconut puree. Chris: homemade Cracker Jack, cherries, and peanut butter ice cream. Ed’s Almond Joy has no coconut. How do you have Almond Joy with no coconut? This seems to be that thing where you promise something you don’t deliver. Chris’s dish is weird but Tom likes it, for reasons he doesn’t quite understand. Sarah and Lindsay say they have to stay calm tomorrow and support each other. Paul tells us that the salmon dish needs salt, and that he and Ty-Lor split the dish up but it was Ty-Lor that was supposed to season it. Overall for an opening night it was good, and the desserts were clever. Somehow the diners are voting too. The men know they could have been better.

Back home everyone hangs around and self-flagellates. Paul is especially hard on himself. Ed says the best they can hope for is the women completely screw up.

Time for the girls to cook. Lindsay tells us in high school she was an overachiever and will not quit. People talk about the things they are making, which sound pretty good. Lindsay tells us that Beverly only has one dish, as if she didn’t throw out several options and got shot down every time. Sarah asks someone to help her do part of one of her dishes, and Lindsay says that Beverly is just searing short ribs and has plenty of time to help her. Beverly is also going to execute Lindsay’s dish for her. I guess since Bev is helping, Sarah turns on Grayson and asks her if she really needs to cut blueberries in half. Grayson is like, yes, because I’m working on my dishes. They complain at each other, and Sarah claims they’re all simplifying their dishes, and Grayson says she should ask in a nicer way. Lindsay races into the kitchen to show Beverly how to execute her dish, and Bev says in confessional that it’s very rushed, and not how she would do the dish, but it’s not her dish.

Food is going out. Sarah asks for some containers of olives, from Beverly, who I guess doesn’t find them and then says “if you wanted them earlier, you should have done something”. There’s a weird silence, and then Bev starts apologizing while Sarah is going “Beverly” in that Mom voice. The one that says, “I can’t yell at you because we’re in public, but you are in deep shit later”. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Then Bev says they’re treating her like a child, which is true. Sarah condescends to her that this is not how they’re going to start service and she has to support the team. I don’t see you doing anything to support the team, SARAH. Naturally the judges appear when Lindsay is in the kitchen telling Bev and I guess everyone what to do. Lindsay just says it’s hard to seat everyone. The guys get the same treatment. Some guy says the halibut was overcooked, so Lindsay goes back and tells Beverly not to overcook her fish. There is a serious line at the door, and people seem to be waiting for food. Finally. Grayson: grilled peach salad with pickled shallots, bacon vinaigrette and candied pistachios. Sarah: arancini (a risotto ball stuffed with cheese and fried), sweet and sour eggplant, and celery salad. The arancini are hot, and the peach salad is also great. Back in the kitchen, there is a slight freakout because no one has plated dishes for the judges, even though they’ve been fired and someone should be cooking them. Hugh knows that if the judges are frustrated, the contestants must be too. Lindsay appears in the kitchen again, saying the judges are fucking pissed, and all the short ribs in the window are dead. Sarah snaps that she’ll go out and talk to everyone if Lindsay can’t face them. Sarah says she’s behind because she has three courses to fire (three? She’s only making two, I thought). And now Lindsay is micromanaging Beverly, down to what spoon she’s using. Sigh. Hugh’s blog points out that Beverly was responsible for both entrees, which is probably why it took so long. You know no one helped her. Beverly: braised short rib with Thai basil potato puree, apple slaw, and kimchi. Lindsay: grilled halibut with Spanish chorizo, fennel and sherry salad. The halibut is overcooked and the chorizo doesn’t have enough flavor. Of course they love Beverly’s dish, because as much as the girls hate Beverly, she’s proven she can cook, and cook well. Some table gets the wrong dishes. Grayson is flipping out because her dessert has ice cream and has to be served immediately, but Lindsay tells her they don’t know where they are right now. So I guess Lindsay just wants her to shut up about it. Then the next time Lindsay is in the kitchen she says to hurry up with dessert because she has to move tables. Grayson: schaum torte (like a pavlova) with vanilla meringue and champagne berries. Sarah: hazelnut cream Italian doughnuts with banana sugar glaze. Sarah’s doughnuts are heavy, and just OK on taste. Grayson’s food goes over well. Yeah, Sarah, I only count two things.

I guess now that the judges are served, Lindsay feels she doesn’t have to do anything, so she comes into the kitchen to stand around and complain to Grayson that no one is eating her halibut, and it’s all Beverly’s fault because it’s overcooked. 1. She’s standing right in front of you and can probably hear you, so maybe not be a bitch within earshot, 2. Way to “support everyone” like you and Sarah were ordering everyone to do, and 3. Even Grayson admits that it might not be all Beverly’s fault because she’s only doing what Lindsay tells her. Grayson then earns points because she tells Lindsay exactly that: Beverly didn’t do it on purpose and it was probably because of bad cooking instructions. The judges think the food is better here but the guys were better at service.

Commercial interlude: everyone sits around and talks about how they screwed up this challenge. Can we please have more interesting commercial interludes?

In the “Stew Room”, Beverly brings up how everyone was talking about her, and Sarah shakes her head as if she never does that. I hope you watch this show and feel horrible. Lindsay says that Beverly screwed up her dish, which is basically what she was saying behind her back, so I guess that’s something, that she was honest. Sarah gets back into Mom mode and says that Lindsay spent a lot of time with Beverly “helping conceptualize” her dish. So Beverly starts pointing out all the parts of the short ribs that were her own idea, and Sarah is shouting that’s not what she meant, except that it totally is. What else to you mean by “conceptualizing”? Sarah just keeps insisting that’s not what she’s saying, which is what people do when they know they’ve lost but can’t admit it because then they’d have to admit to lying. Trust me, I know people who have done it to me. Padma appears to collect the women. The men wish them luck, because they all know the judges will talk to everyone so it’s impossible to tell who is winning. They nail Lindsay for making everyone wait, and she says it’s because they had a “big build-up” in the kitchen. The women all think they did better than the boys, and luckily they did. They scream and hug each other, even Beverly, because of course now that they’ve won everyone loves her. Grayson’s peach salad was perfect, Sarah’s arancini was hot and the perfect temperature. Beverly’s short ribs and kimchi get high praise (so of course there is a shot of Sarah and Lindsay looking annoyed, along with the single kettle drum beat they always put in). The judges also say the fish was slightly overcooked. Lindsay nods sagely. Hugh says the winner is Beverly. Grayson hugs her, while the other two can’t even bring themselves to clap. Bev wins 3 liters of wine and a weekend trip to Napa. She’s so thrilled I can’t help feel glad for her. She interviews that she can’t believe she won against “such amazing chefs”. No gloating, you will notice. And no sarcasm! She’s a better person than me.

When the guys have gone, Sarah finishes her takeover of Heather’s top villain spot by telling everyone that they wouldn’t have won without Lindsay and she deserves just as much “if not more” praise. Lindsay is like, scraping a bottle with her fingernail or something. Grayson hides her head in her hands. Seriously, you didn’t win, but you’re not going home. Do you hate Beverly so much you can’t let her enjoy winning? She’s not gloating or rubbing it in your face like she could be. And Lindsay’s shitty service is what kept you from winning in a landslide. But no, can’t let anyone you don’t like get praise without saying “I think Lindsay should have won, she did more than everyone else.” Gah.

The judges weren’t wowed by the food. Neither were the diners. Ty-Lor’s crab and shrimp appetizer wasn’t spicy enough, at least for Tom, who expected more Thai flavor. The salmon dish had good components but there was no seasoning and the components didn’t go together. The brioche in the “ham and eggs” was greasy. Then Tom nails Chris for only doing one dish, while Paul did way more than him. Chris helped everyone, but Tom wanted him to claim a dish. Hugh thinks maybe he should have spent some prep time organizing the expediter. Ed says the coconut in the Almond Joy was some powdered stuff on the side of the plate, but Tom is like, that’s the best part! Not enough coconut!

The girls were nice and got beers for the boys, and left them on their chairs. Ed jokingly asks if they’re for sitting on. Heh. At least Bev and Grayson are giggling when they come in. Padma could make a case for any of them going home. If Ed had named his dish something else, they would have loved it because it was the best dish out of that team. Chris’s dish was weird, but Tom can’t explain why he likes it. Also Chris didn’t appear out of the kitchen expediting like the others. Tom points out that the other three didn’t expedite properly, so why should they get points? Ty-Lor didn’t season anything enough.

Ty-Lor is sent home for not seasoning any of his dishes. He seems to be in good spirits, and proud of himself. Let’s see if he can survive Last Chance Kitchen.

Next week: Charlize Theron, Eric Ripert, and a lot of blood and things of that nature.

Last Chance Kitchen: some time between elimination and Last Chance Kitchen Ty-Lor has shaved his beard but kept his mustache. Nyesha claims that she wanted to battle two people: Heather and Ty-Lor. Apparently these two were the worst to her. Today’s challenge is to make dessert. Ha! They have 30 minutes. Double HA! And then just for fun, they have to pick a sous chef out of the eliminated contestants. Nyesha picks Heather solely because she knows Ty-Lor and Heather have cooked together and she wants to break them up. Love her. Ty-Lor takes Malibu. There’s a lot of random things going on. Chocolate. Mascarpone. Nyesha has to remind Heather who is in charge. Malibu is fine. Actually I guess she’s listening to some of Heather’s suggestions. Malibu burns some caramel. Lots of claims to be the best. Nyesha: coconut and lime tart, with coconut crème fraiche mousse and caramel sauce. Ty-Lor: puff pastry with dark chocolate mascarpone cream, vanilla bean rum cherries and caramel sauce. That sounds fantastic. Tom is very impressed with both desserts, actually. However, the one that he would have again is Nyesha’s. Woo girl! She’s also pleased to have beaten the two chefs she had personal grudges against. Clicky clicky

Project Runway All Stars 1/5/12--"Return to the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: oh, many things. Many, many things which upset many, many people. But most of these people you’re about to see again are from before the show moved and the judges started smoking so much crack. Can we survive without Tim? That is the important question. (click for more)

Oo, the prize is $500,000. Nice. Also, how is it possible that Austin Scarlett’s facial hair makes him somehow look LESS butch?

Mondo! Mondo should have won, but he has short shorts on and he looks fab. Michael Costello. Really? All Star? OK. Mila, Anthony (yay), Jerell (who has also grown a little goatee), all talk about how great they are. Elisa! Love her crazy time! Austin says someone had to put the “star” in “All Star”. Hee. Also, your hair is tall. Boo, Kenley. She says she’s totally fine with everyone hating her. Oh well, guess we do need a villain. Everyone is carrying around garment bags for some reason and “running into each other” “by accident”. Rami looks pretty good. And Sweet P! Gordana! Gordana is worried about Sweet P and Mondo being competition.

Everyone goes to a club and looks around and is greeted by Angela Lindvall, who will be playing the part of Heidi for the duration, only without an accent. April Johnson? …OK. There are a couple of people that I didn’t expect to see. Angela says there will not be any immunity for the whole competition. Winner gets their own boutique in various Neiman Marcus stores, and online, fashion spread in Marie Claire AND guest editor position for a year. Kara Janx says she would love to be guest editor. I love Kara. You also win a gang of industrial sewing equipment and fabric printers, $100,000 in HP software and so forth, and then on top of all that, $100,000 from L’Oreal. So the $500,000 is the total value of all the prizes. Angela promises a clean judging slate, and then introduces the new judges, Georgina Chapman and Isaac Mizrahi (obviously he is there to be Michael Kors).

Everyone was tasked to bring a recent creation with them, which explains the garment bags. They have 30 minutes to dress their models and then they’ll have a runway show. Hope you can all alter the clothes in half an hour! Everyone talks about who they are threatened by. It’s nice to see people respect their competitors.

Jerell: it’s a maxi dress, with a deep V and a ton of Jerell wickety wack trim. Mila: leggings and a loose dress, half beige and half vertical stripes. Kenley: royal blue ball gown with a sweetheart neckline and a mullet hem, only underneath the mullet hem is white tulle. And a giant white flower on one shoulder. Let me just tell you, I paused the screen on this dress and I don’t even have to unpause it to know whose dress it is. Austin: turquoise gown with a deep V and a ton of origami folds on one hip. Also this pearl of wisdom: “We’re born naked, but as humans, it’s our nature to EMBELLISH oneself, to beautify ourselves, and I just take it to the highest level possible.” Elisa: short white dress with a design painted on, and wings. No really. The model spreads her arms and there are wings. It’s pretty though. Rami: a Rami folded textural short dress. Not draped though, so that’s something. Gordana: dress with a mullet hem (sigh) but the top is cool. It’s got sculptural shoulders in shiny red, and a piece on her chest that looks knitted maybe? I know Gordana knits. April: little black dress with long sleeves. Anthony: bright green short dress with lots of folds and one shoulder and a bejeweled giant safety pin? I think that’s what that is. Michael: makes a comment about how hot his model is. It’s a long maxi dress that is vaguely shiny. Mondo: short full skirt, and a long sleeved blouse with a high collar, in a black and white print. And a fascinator.

Some people have not changed at all. The judges talk in very general terms about how great everyone is, and then Angela sends them to their “penthouse suite” to chill. First challenge tomorrow. Elisa jumps on the beds. Then she kisses the nice white duvet to mark what bed she wants. Heh. Michael finds a remote control with a note to hit play, and he immediately starts scanning the room to decide what he’s going to use to make a dress. Ha! Totally. Giancarlo Giammetti (who is Valentino’s partner and of course Austin recognizes him on sight) comes onscreen and invites them to a museum? And then Valentino himself shows up and tells them don’t forget to be awesome! Seriously, people are moved to tears. Champagne drinking and then I assume bed.

Field trip time brings everyone to a dollar store for the unconventional materials challenge. Woo! I love the unconventional materials challenge. The “All Stars Twist” is that they must be inspired by the look they showed yesterday. Whatever. I mean…probably they won’t care. Plus they get $100. 20 minutes to shop means a lot of running. April says she needs a “clusterfuck” of mops. Remember that for later. A group of mops is a clusterfuck. Sweet P is just taking anything bright. Mondo is trying to stay away from cloth. Michael has also bought a clusterfuck of mops. Sorry, but that is hysterical. April is not worried, but Michael thinks she might show him up because she’s so good.

The NotParsons workroom is nice. Neiman Marcus accessory wall, HP tablets, etc. You know the drill. Later Joanna Coles will be here because she is Tim. I know, right? I did read though that she was very aware that she is not Tim and so didn’t try to be Tim. They have until 10pm tonight to finish.

Elisa puts her cutting mat on the floor and sits under her worktable to sketch. Mila sort of makes fun of her, but Anthony says he totally will give her a pass because he had a grandmother who was “committed to the crazy house” so Elisa is just fine. Michael is sort of making draping but it involves sewing each mop strand one by one. Jerell tells him that April’s dress looks just like his.

Joanna strolls in, and I’m struck by her resemblance to Tabitha who is awesome. I hope she is fun. Sweet P has towels. Joanna asks her if there is anything that will wow the judges, but she doesn’t really have anything but towels. Gordana is doing well, at least Joanna thinks so. Mondo says it looks like a piñata, which was kind of bitchy, but then he says “I hope her model is full of candy” which is funny. Mondo, naturally, has no idea and says he’s not in competitive mode yet. Joanna makes Elisa promise not to spit at her. Hee.

Austin freaks out a ton and says his glue gun has melted a hole right in the front of his plastic dress. He has vapors, but it seriously is jacked up. Michael gloats that this might be the end of Austin. Shut up, Michael.

Day of the show. Lots of running around. Austin patches his dress and seems to be satisfied with the result. Hair and makeup. Hot makeup guy! Yay!

Angela comes out wearing a short shiny dress, so I guess she has been taking notes on Heidi. Guest judge is the senior VP of Neiman Marcus, Ken Downing. Austin: short dress in clear and turquoise plastic, with a weird peplum/ruffle right at her waist. And exposed midriff. Kara: black skirt with a mullet hemline and a strapless bustier in pink. Somehow this involves pans? I don’t know. Maybe the shiny belt. Jerell: it looks like a Jerell dress, all scarves and short skirt with a long dangly piece and complicated straps and a keyhole and whatnot. So it looks like his first one, anyway. Elisa: bright pink hot pants and a bustier, and huge bell sleeves with words on them. She’s so cute. Rami: short skirt and top with huge giant rolls of shopping bags or whatever they are. It’s very stiff, and she looks like she has football pads on, because she has huge giant shoulders. It’s weird. Sweet P: long skirt in horizontal stripes and a simple halter top with belts. Mondo: little black dress with ruffles on the skirt and a sleek top, and bow on her belt. Made of trash bags, but it looks pretty good. Kenley: short wrap dress with one side blue and one side white. It’s stiff, and there’s a loofah on her head. Gordana: very full short dress made of streamers, cut in little tabs, and a high flat neckline. It looks cute and she does not look like a piñata. Anthony: short, magenta dress with a halter neck and a slit keyhole in the front. It’s made of crepe paper with gold safety pins making embellishment. It looks good. Mila: shiny striped tunic and leggings. It has a weird hemline. Michael: long dress that actually looks like real fabric instead of mops, but the front of the dress comes up in the front like an inverse V neck. It’s heavy. April: long dress with the skirt all loose from about mid-thigh down to the floor so it’s all fringe. It’s sculpted well on top.

Austin, Mila, April, Anthony, Kara, Kenley, and Michael are all safe. Rami was going for tweed and lots of volume. Isaac loves the execution, and Ken thinks it looks like real fabric. Sweet P has a ragged dress, Isaac thinks, and then she turns around and there is a weird cutout. Under the belt, there is about a handspan’s worth of bare skin. Weird. Jerell’s dress moved well, and upon closer inspection the neckline is very interesting, although the rest of the top says “look at my boobs!” Elisa talks about sacred geometry and how there’s a story on her sleeves and stuff. They seem to enjoy that her clothes have stories and are interesting. Mondo’s dress is fun and not serious, and executed wonderfully. Isaac praises his proportions. Gordana has straps out of steel wool? Georgina worries she had too many things going on.

Rami pulled off his look, and it looked expensive. Isaac worries that it’s too similar to yesterday. Mondo mad a black dress, but it was very interesting and the hat was fantastic. Jerell didn’t push boundaries, maybe, but the dress he did make was made well. Sweet P’s dress was eccentric, but not enough to look intentional. Gordana was smart to use streamers because they moved, but then she had too much time and started putting other things on it and that was not a good idea. Elisa might not be up to par. She takes too long to explain her looks, people should get it right away.

Jerell is safe. Rami wins. Eh. He says he proved he can construct as well as drape. Mondo is in. Gordana is in. Sweet P is in. Aww, Elisa. She’s totally satisfied with what she made.

This season: dodge ball, crying, a mostly naked hot boy, famous people and Muppets, Isaac and Austin bitch at each other. Oh, THAT fight is going to be epic. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 1/4/12--"BBQ Pit Wars" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: actually, TWO episodes have happened since I last recapped. First there was that team challenge where Heather was a bully and then Nyesha and Dakota were sent home. Then, just before Christmas, the chefs went to Austin and had to make a Quickfire dish based on Twitter suggestions. These consisted of 1. Use bacon, 2. Make a hash, and 3. Screw a fellow contestant with a random ingredient. So that was fun. Paul wins some money but not immunity, but the highlight is Grayson saying she’s serving a “shrimp puff”, which is called a puff because she wanted the judges to think it was light and airy. That was a fail. The Elimination challenge involved pretending the contestants were going to relax and listen to Patti LaBelle, and then telling them they would be making a dish inspired by the person who taught them to cook. Everyone tells lovely stories about their parents or grandparents. Heather buys rib eye to make beef stroganoff, which is weird because you do not simmer rib eye in sauce, and it does not turn out well at all. Emeril says it’s like those hotel banquets Tom drags him too. Hee. Grayson also buys rib eye that ends up gross, which makes me wonder if the rib eye at Whole Foods was just bad. But Grayson also made EXACTLY the same dish she used to make, instead of the “inspired by” dish she was asked to make. Beverly uses the pressure cooker, for the second time in the episode, to make short ribs that are delicious and look so good. Ed makes bibimbap, which is basically rice and veggies and an egg, but that would totally be good. Sadly for the two of them, it is Sarah and her stuffed cabbage that carries the win. And even though there is fierce competition from Grayson and Chris C. (who I am going to start calling Malibu and also when you cook salmon too fast that white stuff oozes out and it is called albumen), Heather is sent home. But not until she complains at Judges’ Table that she didn’t use the pressure cooker because the last challenge she did and the duck turned out stringy and they yelled at her, and Tom is all “Well, Beverly used the pressure cooker and she’s not here.” BURN! It was so satisfying though. (click for more)

And on Last Chance Kitchen, Nyesha is the victor, having beaten all comers, and especially Heather. Yay Nyesha!

The remaining chefs sit around and discuss if it’s maybe time to stop helping each other. Ed reveals that the tres leches cake that has won twice now (both times when Heather made it) is his recipe. For some reason this pisses Sarah off and she says he should have had the balls to say something to Heather, or make the cake himself. Huh? I mean…I get what she’s saying, I’m just not sure why she’s so angry about it. Suddenly there is a knock on the door and some guy enters with a copy of Modernist Cuisine. That’s the crazy like, 6 volume “cookbook” with the detailed recipes and it’s like an encyclopedia. I kind of want to get my hands on a copy just to look at it. Padma leaves them a note to “study up”. Wow. There are some molecular techniques but a lot of classic stuff too. Beverly stays up studying.

Padma greets them for the Quickfire with Nathan Myhrvold, who is the author of Modernist Cuisine. MotoChris says if he was 1/10th as smart as Nathan is, he’d rule small continents. Heh. Padma and Nathan tell them they must “illustrate Modernist cuisine”, whatever the hell that means. Winner gets immunity and a copy of the book(s). Nice.

45 minutes to cook. It occurs to me this is a very vague directive. MotoChris is using “miracle berries” which are things that make everything taste sweet. Ty-Lor is making watermelon and olive oil powder or something. Paul says he uses molecular gastronomy, even though he can barely pronounce it. Grayson is making tarragon dill caviar. You know, I’m pretty sure they said molecular gastronomy wasn’t everything, but that seems to be what everyone is falling back to. Although, with a vague instruction like “illustrate Modernist cuisine” I’d probably do the same thing. Random clip of Chris C. (henceforth, Malibu) and his audition video and all the nude paintings in his apartment.

Beverly: flash steamed clams and mussels, curry whipped cream and mango chili. She goes to dispense the whipped cream but sprays it on Nathan and Padma. Sigh. And then she drops some stuff? Ed says he respects her but she is an oddball. I’ll give him that, she admits to being social awkward. Turns out she forgot to take something off the dispenser. Sarah: breakfast raviolo with pancetta, and egg yolk, and sauce made from orange juice. Tasty. Ed: salmon belly sashimi, compressed watermelon, brunoise radishes held together with coconut coulis instead of rice. Grayson: trout sashimi, dill caviar, pickled watermelon, cucumber, and radish. Ty-Lor: watermelon, vanilla bean honey, black pepper, and salted olive oil powder. Lindsay: marinated baby octopus, tempura sea beans, and togarashi. Togarashi is chili pepper. Malibu: risotto foam, scallops, raisins, and fried capers. Paul: endive salad, egg yolk, parmesan and truffle powder. MotoChris: so first he makes them eat the “miracle berries”, which is less impressive than he hopes because Nathan grows them in his basement. Which leads MotoChris to say he wants to visit Nathan’s basement, which doesn’t sound right. Anyway, the dish is deconstructed cheesecake, with blackberries, and sparkling water with lime and lemon.

Nathan says that Paul had a good dish but not good flavor, Beverly’s dish wasn’t different enough, and Grayson had a simple preparation but the ingredients weren’t great enough to make up for it. Ty-Lor had a good set of spices and the olive oil powder was interesting. Sarah had a great dish in the right context. MotoChris composed his dish well. Ty-Lor wins! Poor MotoChris.

Elimination challenge: BBQ. They must make three teams of 3. Lindsay takes up Heather’s refrain and says that whenever there’s a team challenge, Beverly causes her team to lose, so Lindsay wants no part of that. Sarah ends up with Ed, but also Ty-Lor. She doesn’t really want to work with Ed, but she thinks Ty-Lor will do well. But if your team loses, Ty-Lor has immunity. Sigh. Malibu doesn’t move fast enough, so his team is the two Chris’s and Beverly. They will serve 300 people at The Salt Lick. They will have all night to cook again. Chicken, beef brisket, and pork spareribs, plus two sides.

$1000 at Whole Foods and $1000 at Restaurant Depot. Ty-Lor is glad to work with Ed again since they won the game meat challenge. MotoChris likes his team, and says they’re making coleslaw and baked beans for sides. Paul says Ty-Lor’s team is also doing those sides, so his team is going with miso, curry, and Asian flavors. Ed for some reason complains about how Sarah’s Texas accent is getting thicker, but I can’t hear it at all. She says “yonder”. Whatever.
Bravo. Andy Cohen every night. Are you fucking serious?

Here I am thinking I’m doing well, not too far behind, and then I remember: super-sized episode. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggh. Everyone gets to The Salt Lick and they talk to the owner, who explains about the wood and the grill and everything. I cannot get over the fact that Beverly has a huge color tattoo covering half her left arm. It just doesn’t seem to go with her personality. Paul is getting nervous about making barbeque this good.

Everyone gets to the pits, along with a pickup truck full of wood. It is 10:18pm. Ty-Lor tapes a “courtesy” sign to his team’s RV that says “If this RV’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’”. As one does. Paul’s goal is to get his meat in the smoker first. Ty-Lor is loving immunity, but he wants to redeem himself from the steak debacle. Sarah is inside the RV telling Ed how to cook onions for some reason, which he curses about. The directions, not the onions. Malibu strips down to his wife beater. Nice. Beverly says she’s reducing the bourbon inside their RV, and Malibu is like, “be careful”, all calm. Cut to inside, where the pot is on fire and licking at the bottom of the cabinets. Beverly, possibly because she has nerves of steel, actually stirs other pots until the smoke alarm goes off, at which point she takes it outside and puts it on the ground. And leaves it there. Malibu thinks she’s book smart but not street smart. Lindsay asks Paul a bunch of questions, as he’s been designated the leader. Ty-Lor kind of rolls his eyes about Paul’s Asian flavors.

At 3am, MotoChris says whoever has the foil-covered brisket, your meat is on the ground. Damn. It’s Paul’s team. The meat is still good, because it was wrapped in foil, but it hasn’t been circulating in the smoker like they thought. Grayson thinks they might be in trouble because of losing cook time. MotoChris makes beer can chicken. The sun comes up, and the beds have not been slept in. 3 hours until service. MotoChris has made up a song. It’s very hot.

Tom time! I am distracted by Malibu in his mostly-naked state. Everyone is well on the way to being done, of course. Sarah asks for water in an ominous way. Tom laughs at everyone when they admit to not sleeping. Grayson babbles to Tom that he will love their BBQ, because it will be “like sex in the mouth”. Tom just leaves. That was pretty funny though. Tom then announces that the winning team will take home $5,000 EACH. Damn.

Grayson is now doing pelvic thrusts. Malibu thinks the spareribs are salty. Lindsay is making Brussels sprouts, but their fire is low and they don’t have time to build it up, so they might be raw. Sarah comes inside, I guess to where they’re serving, and asks Ty-Lor if they’ve got it, and he says they do. She goes and sits down, and then suddenly the medics are there. She’s been outside, where it’s probably 100 degrees, breathing in smoke for hours, on no sleep. They give her oxygen so she doesn’t pass out. And then the medics call an ambulance for her. Scary! Ty-Lor says this is no joke, and goes over to tell her he and Ed have it under control and she is crying, and probably hyperventilating which doesn’t help. And I would like to point out that the other person who’s been seriously injured this season is Ty-Lor, and he is currently telling Sarah to go to the hospital right now and miss service.

With 30 minutes to go until service, Tom tells Ed and Ty-Lor that Sarah is headed to the hospital. Ed says the first thing they were thinking is “Is she dead?” but he says it in kind of an asshat way. Plus you know Ty-Lor has been talking to her so he knows more of what is going on. Then Ed says he would have pushed through it, which, whatever. Ed says they can‘t cut meat to order because they‘re down a person. He’s inside the room throwing things around, because he says the pre-cut meat will dry out or be gross or something. They had been planning to carve as people showed up, but only having two people means they can’t.

Everyone shows up at the same time, of course. MotoChris’s T-shirt says “I eat vegans”. Hee. Oo, live music. Top Chef, come to St. Louis so I can figure out how to get on the show. Kmanpat can talk about flavor profiles and he says “back palate” a lot when tasting wine so that’s good sound bites. Also if you want I can get some boring Midwesterners to show up and talk about how weird everything is. Yay, Gail’s here!

Blue team (Paul, Grayson, Lindsay): Asian spare rib, chicken and brisket, Brussels sprouts with okra and kim chee flavor, and watermelon salad maybe. Their food goes over really well, although Tom says the brisket is under seasoned and the Brussels sprouts aren’t cooked.
White team (MotoChris, Malibu, Beverly): beer can chicken, brisket, Dr. Pepper glazed pork ribs. What about the coleslaw and beans? I guess they’re boring. The chicken is good but not smoky so not really barbeque. The beans are not cooked. Oo. And the ribs are salty. Brisket is chewy, but the mayonnaise is OK. I think they are the ones with the agua fresca, which Gail wishes had alcohol. Nathan says “Bite your tongue, CANADIAN!” Hee.

Sarah sneaks back in! She’s OK! She immediately asks to help, and Ed completely ignores her while Ty-Lor asks if she’s OK. Then Ed bitches in confessional that she was only worried about her chicken. Well, with the way you reacted to her leaving, I could totally see you ignoring her chicken just out of spite. She tries to offer to help, but Ed has changed his tune from “Sarah screwed us because now we’re down a person”, to “Sarah is fucking up our system and she should go away”. I mean…I won’t pretend I’ve never been mad at someone for ditching out on work, and then still been mad when they actually showed up and tried to help. But I at least get some points for knowing how stupid that sounds. Right? Right. Ed is bossy and an ass, and Ty-Lor is very nice about it. Red team: Texas chicken, KC style pork ribs, smoked brisket, poppy seed coleslaw, pinto beans. Once the judges get served, Sarah cuts some things and then goes to sit down. She even acknowledges this and says she feels no guilt at all. Ed thinks it’s mighty coincidental she magically reappeared to serve the judges. I think she tried to help, was rebuffed, stuck around for the important part and then bailed. Ed might have a point but he’s coming off as an asshat. The meat is good, except for Ty-Lor’s ribs are a weird texture. Sauce is good though. They also seem to know they sliced all the meat early.

When the service is over, Ty-Lor and Ed stand around outside and smoke while Ty-Lor says he’s ill because he didn’t serve great barbeque. Quit smoking if you feel ill! Gah. Ed complains that since Ty-Lor is immune and Sarah showed up “just in time” to pick out good chicken, he might go home. Whatever.

Commercial interlude: Grayson loves camping and she sings a campfire song which, too many years of Girl Scout camp have made me HATE campfire songs. Including this one which I am sure I have sung far too many times. This is why I hate some of the songs we sing at church.

OK, this is a weird thing and I don’t know what to make of it. Everyone is sitting at a table, and Sarah is saying that she doesn’t think they were communicating, and something about her chicken, and Ty-Lor asks if she didn’t think they supported her? Is she really complaining about her chicken? I mean, yeah, hospital, but they covered for you, and now is probably not the best time to tell them you don’t think they did a good enough job. Ed tells her not to get emotional, even though she is completely unemotional. That was so weird. Why were they even talking about that? Padma calls Paul, Lindsay, and Grayson, to declare them the winners. Tom wants the chicken recipe. They weren’t traditional, which put them above everyone else. Paul admits he has won a total of $35,000 so far.

Tom says that Sarah’s chicken was good, but more like grilled chicken and not enough smoke flavor. Sarah wishes she’d put them in the smoker, and Nathan says some of the skin wasn’t cooked, which is a problem when you put the sauce on it because then it’ll never cook. Ty-Lor over seasoned his ribs and then they weren’t cooked enough. Ty-Lor and Ed put orange mint (?) in the coleslaw which Gail didn’t like. Orange mint? They get nailed for pre-slicing the brisket, but Ed explains they were down one person. Tom thinks they should have still sliced to order, but I’m sure if they were slow, someone would have complained about that. On to the other team. Beverly’s coleslaw was too traditional and Gail is bored. MotoChris had the same problem as Sarah because it wasn’t smoky. Malibu gets harassed about the ribs and the Dr. Pepper sauce. “Because it’s from Texas” is not a good enough reason for Tom. Ribs were too salty. Beverly had undercooked beans.

MotoChris cooked all the proteins for his team, but then Malibu made all the rubs, and they don’t really know which one was responsible for the meat being bad. Beverly’s beans were undercooked. Ty-Lor can’t be sent home. Ed helped with the bad coleslaw, and was responsible for the bad brisket. Sarah’s chicken was sort of better than the other team’s chicken, which doesn’t say much.

They make Ty-Lor come back out, which doesn’t make a ton of sense, but whatever. Malibu gets sent home. Aww. Bye eye candy. He wishes he had taken charge and lead the group. He’s more comfortable in his style now.

Next week: Restaurant Wars! Girls vs. Boys! Who in the fuck put Ed in front-of-house? Lots of bitching.

Last Chance Kitchen: Malibu is really confused about why Nyesha is around. They must use ingredients found at a gas station, for $20. Kick ass. I love unconventional materials challenges, no matter what show it’s on. The audience harasses everyone. Nyesha has purchased pork rinds to make chicharron. Malibu stacks pans on each other to make a Panini press. Nice. Also Nyesha warns Malibu his soup is boiling over, which is a friendly gesture. Nyesha: beer glazed smoked sausage with a pork rind tuile and chili cheese sauce. Malibu: togarashi spiced tomato soup with spicy pork rinds, and grilled cheese with fried ham and pickle. Everyone in the peanut gallery seems divided, but Tom selects Nyesha as the winner. Clicky clicky

Top Chef 12/14/11--"Game On" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Mother sauces and steak awaited. Grayson wins the Quickfire, which is nice for her, and the last we’ll see or hear from her for the rest of the evening. Everyone has to make one giant team to cook a four course steak dinner for 200. Somehow this fails. Heather puts herself on dessert so she can make cake again, which she keeps calling “my cake” in the same breath she’s yelling about how it’s a team challenge. She also puts herself on dessert so she can have the day of the dinner free to boss everyone around. Oh, sorry, “expedite”. Heather decides Beverly is too slow and spends most of the episode bitching about it, even though if Beverly had been done sooner it wouldn’t have prevented Lindsay from firing all the steaks way too early and having them be overdone. Heather tries to throw Beverly under the bus even before she finds out whether or not that needs doing. Because Heather won. Boo. Whitney gets the most screen time she’s ever gotten, but sadly that’s because her potato gratin is terrible. She’s sent home. (click for more)

In Last Chance Kitchen, Whitney and Chuy make burgers with different proteins, (ostrich and elk) while everyone who’s come through before them gets to watch and taste. Whitney’s burger ends up tasting better than Chuy’s so she gets to stay.

Nyesha can’t believe how harsh Heather was to Beverly. I hope she apologized. I mean, we didn’t see it, but if I was a producer writing the “story” of “Heather is bossy” then I wouldn’t show it either. But I hope it happened. I do also notice that Nyesha is being listed as the executive chef at the Wilshire, which is the thing I saw her win on that Food Network show. So…interesting timeline, if so. Ty-Lor thinks he’s been in the bottom too much this competition.

Padma is in the kitchen with Tim Love. Aww, he’s such a clean-cut cowboy type person. Behind him is a table full of tequila. The Quickfire for today is to make something to pair with one of the tequilas. Oo, I do not like tequila. It gives me terrible heartburn. Winner does NOT receive immunity, but you do get $5000.

30 minutes to cook. And also to taste tequila and try not to get drunk. Sarah says she always has a shot of tequila at the airport before she flies. Ty-Lor says his style of cooking is “warm Southeast Asian flavors” which seems fairly vague. Chris C. is making a raw oyster, so then what are you doing with your 30 minutes? There is a hilarious shot of Beverly running full tilt across the kitchen, yelling “Coming through!”. She’s moving so fast I’m surprised I understood what she said. Or saw her go by. Dakota has a lamb chop and she thinks it’s pairing well. Lindsay is using the tequila instead of sherry. Ty-Lor thinks MotoChris is overcooking his chicken. MotoChris seems to agree.

Ty-Lor: steamed clams in Thai style fish caramel sauce. Heather: mango avocado salad with rock shrimp. Beverly: cold-smoked green tea oyster. Heather didn’t seem to get good feedback, and Beverly did, so there’s a shot of Heather looking pissed. Sarah: fennel risotto with glazed scallops. Lindsay: salmon with fennel puree and brown butter sauce. Ed: bok choy lettuce wrap with lamb. MotoChris: pan seared chicken with lime vinaigrette. Grayson: sesame cod with tequila brown sugar glaze. She says she is a beer girl from Wisconsin and never drinks tequila. Chris C.: raw oyster with tequila tapioca pearl and sea salt air. Air. Shut up, Chris. Tim likes it, sadly. Dakota: lamb with Medjool date pistou. Pistou is a garlic basil sauce.

Heather’s dish is compared to a special at a chain restaurant. Hee. MotoChris did over cook his chicken. Sarah somehow curdled her risotto and Tim thought it was undercooked. Chris C. made a great pairing, Lindsay cooked her salmon well and carried the tequila through, and Ty-Lor had bright, spicy flavors. The winner is Ty-Lor. He feels like he’s redeemed himself.

Padma says this Elimination challenge involves teams. Of course it does. Then she says the person next to you is your partner. Heather is paired with Beverly. Of course she is. Thanks for nothing, Bravo producers. Now I have to listen to her bitch about it for an hour. You know they told them how to stand so that would happen. Tim is hosting a “game dinner” for his friends but now they have to cook it instead of Tim. Tim’s friends are obviously famous chefs. Each team gets assigned a chef who will give them a protein they must cook. So that’s “game” as in “wild game” and not as in “sports game”. Which is what I thought at first. That would also be a cool challenge though. Nyesha and Dakota, venison; Paul and Sarah, squab; Grayson and MotoChris, elk; Chris C. and Lindsay, boar; Heather and Beverly, duck; and Ed and Ty-Lor, quail. Ed says he does game dinners twice a year. Also everyone is going to judge everyone else’s dishes. Nice. Sarah hopes that people are professional about that, but she also knows they probably won’t be. They (the contestants as a group, I guess) will pick three teams that are in the bottom. The judges will pick the TEAM that goes home. Ah, double elimination. The team that wins will split $10,000.

30 minutes and $200 to shop. Beverly says Heather is bossy but she’s going to be a team player so they can work together today. MotoChris has some grandiose idea about carving potatoes or something. Grayson is kind of freaked out, but she extracts a promise from him that it won‘t suck.

3 hours to cook today. Ed makes a road kill joke. MotoChris has never cooked elk, so he’s got a small piece cooking to test it out. Sarah is making sausage. Paul seems to trust her. Beverly says something about a spice rub, and Heather says she doesn’t want the dish to be too Asian because that’s not her style. So? If it’s good, it’s good. Then Heather says she’s going to focus on making her food great. I wonder if she hears herself complaining about how Beverly isn’t a team player, and then saying “me” and “I” and “my food” all the time. Sadly, Heather keeps talking about how she doesn’t want the dish to be too Asian, and they have to think about the name, and no one else seems to be talking at all right now so I’m pretty sure everyone is listening to her. They all seem to be making faces. Ed says Heather is “a complete bitch”. All of a sudden there are 5 minutes left to go. Heather says they probably don’t need to pack something. I don’t know what, but when they show things like that, chances are it was something important. Sarah is nervous about her sausage.

Back at “home” (I’m not sure if it’s still a hotel or what) everyone seems to still be talking about the dishes. Or at least Heather is telling Beverly what to do. Beverly tells us that she used to be in an abusive relationship, until she ran away one day while he was at work. That makes me feel bad for her having to deal with Heather. Seriously, this must be terribly hard on her. I want to give Beverly a hug.

Day of Elimination. Everyone freaks out about the pressure and the double elimination. The kitchen is very hot and very cramped. MotoChris seems to have screwed up whatever grandiose plans he had. I think he was carving things? But the sweet potatoes won’t carve right? Something. Grayson is pissed but she can’t really say so. Heather is bossy, some more, and complains that Beverly asks too many questions. I wonder if she’s asking questions because otherwise Heather will be even worse than she currently is if she doesn’t like it. Oohhh…knowing Beverly was in an abusive relationship makes it make more sense. Now I really feel bad for her. I like Beverly, but I almost would be willing to lose her to get rid of Heather too. Beverly doesn’t like the onions, but Heather basically tells her that’s her own “style” so they’ll have to “compromise”, which I’m sure means the onions stay in. The boar is rare, but Lindsay says they made enough that they have enough servings that are good.

Lindsay and Chris C.: roasted wild boar with kohlrabi slaw and farro fried rice. Tom says it’s nice but not terribly exciting. The contestants like it, probably, although the slaw is watery. Beverly and Heather: five spice duck breast with creamy polenta and pickled cherries. And a salad. It’s safe, although Hugh thought the breast was rubbery. However one of the contestants thinks the duck is perfect. Nyesha and Dakota are kind of freaking out. Grayson is irritated about the sweet potato. Grayson and MotoChris: juniper roasted elk with sweet potato and bouquet of citrus greens. MotoChris admits he failed at the sweet potato carving, but Grayson interrupts him and says “It is how we wanted it to be.” Weird. The meat is good, but the presentation sucks. Grayson hisses at MotoChris that they’re probably going home so don’t say anything to the other contestants. Sarah is still worried about her sausage. Dakota completely freaks out about the venison being undercooked.

Ed and Ty-Lor: sorghum quail with pickled cherries and eggplant. The quail is excellent. Sarah can’t get the sausage to poach, so she’s on Plan B which involves forcemeat, and Paul is nervous. Dakota is plating raw venison, and Nyesha is not happy about it. Nyesha and Dakota: roasted rack of venison with kabocha squash and beet gratin. They like the dish, although the venison is rare. Sarah and Paul: squab breast and sausage with nectarine pickles. The presentation is a little sloppy but they seem to like the taste. Sarah gets back to the kitchen and breaks down because she’s so horrified she might send Paul home and she’s ashamed of her work.

Padma asks to see Ed and Ty-Lor. Everyone applauds because everyone assumes they’ve won, which of course they have. Well that was fun. Then Padma gives them all 15 minutes to decide as a group who is in the bottom. Oh, that will be fun. It’ll be like the one game in “The Mole” where you all have to agree on who gets an exemption. It always ends in yelling and no consensus. And the Mole doesn’t ever have to do anything!

Commercial interlude: everyone sits around. Grayson says they should just all vote, and Heather is all “You won’t vote for yourself” and Grayson says “Neither will you”. I mean…duh. Ty-Lor says Heather is his friend so he wants her to stay. Isn’t the commercial interlude supposed to be fun and random?

Paul says he’ll start and he says Heather and Beverly was not his favorite, and Nyesha and Dakota (obvs), and MotoChris and Grayson. Nyesha and Dakota know full well the meat was too rare so they are not shocked. Heather says pretty much the same thing, but refuses to pick a third group, and Grayson says they all are doing that and it’s tough, or something. And Heather is like “Oh, I understand the process, you don’t have to tell me about it, Grayson”. Then follow the fucking process. They vote with a show of hands, and Beverly and Heather, Grayson and MotoChris, and Dakota and Nyesha are headed out. Ed says something weird about how people are plotting, but tomorrow you might be on the same team as someone else? So the claws aren’t out yet? I’m not sure if he was saying he voted based on who he wanted to get rid of or what.

Heather says she and Beverly don’t deserve to be here (hey, she did say “we” so I have to give her credit) because she would serve that dish again in her restaurant. She thinks that everyone is trying to get rid of her because she won the last challenge. Then for some inexplicable reason Tom stops talking to her and nails Dakota for the undercooked elk. Tom! Tell Heather she’s not all that! Anyway, Dakota says they ran out of time, and Nyesha tells them she didn’t check on the elk in time so she wasn’t able to help. Dakota is upset at screwing up something so easy. The flavors were great, but the meat was raw. MotoChris and his weird potatoes get him in trouble. No one got it, and they think he did it just to show off the carving. Tom asks Beverly why she’s there, and as she’s explaining about “too much protein” or something, Heather INTERRUPTS her and says they were trying to balance two chefs on one plate. Guess what, Heather? If you throw Beverly under the bus, you get dragged down under the bus too. They wanted the duck to render longer and get more crispy. Beverly agrees. Tom didn’t think the ingredients went together. Heather says they haven’t seen eye-to-eye, but she has the most obnoxious, condescending smirk on her face and I want to smack it off her. Beverly tries to say something but Heather talks over her again and says their work ethics are totally different and she brings up the shrimp again, and IF SHE GOES HOME SO DO YOU SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Has she not figured this out yet? Grayson looks totally embarrassed. Beverly sadly argues back and Heather has some comeback which makes no sense. Dakota says she is uncomfortable because she thinks Beverly is a very hard worker and sometimes people don’t agree. Tom asks if Heather didn’t trust Beverly, but Heather says Beverly doesn’t trust herself and she should have more self confidence. That last is delivered directly to Beverly. Now I really want her to go home. And I want Beverly to destroy her in Last Chance Kitchen. Beverly says she asked questions because that’s part of teamwork, and she stands behind her dish.

When they get back to the kitchen, someone asks how it went, and Heather says things “came up” and she fake apologizes to Beverly but “that’s the truth” and she also says she had no say in their dish. Bitch please. I saw you telling her how the dish was going to be. Several times. Thankfully everyone else seems to be defending Beverly. Grayson points out that Heather just signed her own elimination, which she did, only Grayson says she sold her out, and Heather of course didn’t sell anyone out, and everyone who’s ever worked with Beverly has felt the same way and hates her or whatever but no one will say anything. Grayson is so confused, for the same reason I am, which is that complaining about Beverly will also send Heather home. Heather wants to go home for her own food, which, fine, that makes sense, but you’ve gone above and beyond that.

Tom says that he doesn’t care about people’s emotions. They don’t like that MotoChris started with “I’m going to carve sweet potato” and not with the flavor. Dakota couldn’t cook the venison, and Tom can’t believe Nyesha didn’t check on it. The duck was messy, and underwhelming, and Hugh can’t believe Heather would hold the last challenge against Beverly, because every day is new. I kind of wish Tom had said that while Heather was complaining: that each challenge is new and she should have complained last week. So thankfully they aren’t going to care about the last challenge. But they make it seem like the dish itself isn’t as bad as the other two. Also I have to say I’m not as annoyed at Hugh as I was when I heard he was a judge. Maybe it’s because he agrees with me about Heather. Maybe it’s because his blog seems to combine the best overtones of Tony Bourdain’s blog with someone who‘s been in the competition. I’m not sure.

Tom reminds everyone of how they are subpar, and then they send Dakota and Nyesha home. Aww. Nyesha is upset she didn’t take control, and Dakota knows it’s her fault. She feels terrible for taking Nyesha down too. Aww, they’re both so upset.

Next time: going to Austin, Patti LaBelle, Emeril shows up. They pretend Heather is in trouble but I’m sure that’s a lie.

Last Chance Kitchen: the challenge today is to make a dish with cactus, using a wok. Hee, cactus. Sorry, inside joke. Someone I don’t like compared me to a cactus, trying to insult me, only I thought it was pretty accurate and I ran with it. Anyway, they can only use a wok. Nyesha is looking for redemption. It seems kind of frantic, but I think that’s because everyone is desperate. Whitney: cactus and chicken fried rice with sriracha and soy sauce. Nyesha: Asian-style scallops with cactus garnish, cilantro, and Thai basil. Dakota: shrimp tostada with watermelon and prickly pear shooter. In the end, the person who used the wok best, and also used the cactus best, was Nyesha. Good for her. Dakota is pleased Nyesha gets another chance. Clicky clicky

TAR19, Recap Leg 12, 12/11/11

Welcome to Leg 12! Last time, on Tintin-abulation and Dancing Girls, teams raced from Belgium to Panama. There was tightrope walking, shoe making, fish delivery, and a doozy of a pit stop clue. Andy and Tommy made a wrong decision, taxi drivers talked to each other, causing the elimination of a team that had won six legs, proving once again that it doesn’t matter how many times you finish first, provided you make it to the last leg. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
2nd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
3rd – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

(Toyouke: “I really don't care a lot about any of these people. I mean...I guess at least that means I don't have hatred for anyone.”)

Panama Viejo, Panama City, Panama

12:04 AM Jeremy/Sandy (1st) – and Sandy is not happy about Atlanta, as it is Amani and Marcus’ hometown. (Toyouke: “Oh, that's why Sandy hates Atlanta. BUT! Teams have been screwed in their hometown before.”)

Clue: Teams must fly to their FINAL DESTINATION CITY: Atlanta, Georgia, USA! Once there, teams make their way to Flight Safety International to get their next clue.

(Toyouke: “"Flight Safety International"? I smell skydiving.”)

12:05 AM Ernie/Cindy (2nd)
12:06 AM Amani/Marcus (3rd)

Teams arrive at the airport in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy –who have an issue with cab fare. (Toyouke: “Auburnium0513 and I both notice the big deal about Jeremy and Sandy's cab fare. We don't know what it means, but I would like to mark down that we noticed it.” Kmanpat: “Note taken.”)
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams all get on the 8:30 AM Delta flight, which follows the Amazing Red Line to Atlanta.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy – who look for a taxi with a full tank of gas.
2- Ernie/Cindy – who look for a taxi with a GPS.
3- Amani/Marcus – who are from Atlanta, so they should be fine.

Teams arrive at Flight Safety International in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to pick a flight instructor who would teach them how to operate a Learjet flight simulator. They then must successfully complete a simulated landing at Hartsfield–Jackson Atlanta International Airport from an altitude of 2,500 feet in order to receive the next clue. So, they complete the task in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy – on their first try.
2- Ernie/Cindy – on their second try.
3- Amani/Marcus – on their TWELFTH try. (Toyouke: “Why can't Marcus stay on the runway?“ Auburnium0513: “Don't punch the million dollar equipment!”) And that’s the last we see of them.

(Toyouke: “I dislike that all the men seem to be the "pilots" and the women are the "copilots".”)

Teams are now instructed to travel to the former residence known as “The Dump”. Teams must figure out that this is the home where Margaret Mitchell wrote Gone With the Wind.

Teams arrive at The Dump in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy – but only after traveling to the furniture store known as The Dump. You know, in the old Home Depot. (Toyouke: “This is hysterical. Jeremy and Sandy wandering through Weekends Only.” Kmanpat: “Why couldn’t this be Tuesday so that they were closed?”)
3- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the thirteenth (!) roadblock clue.

ROADBLOCK:

“Who gives a damn?”

In this roadblock, one team member must type their next clue using a Remington typewriter. The copy must replicate the original exactly, including the number 1, which needs to be typed using the lowercase l, because the key with the 1 is missing. If correct, the Southern gentleman will give them their next clue.

(Toyouke: “This is the stupidest Roadblock they've had in a while. "Use an old-timey typewriter! But it's broken! Ha ha WACKY!"” Auburnium0513: “Speed typing on a typewriter will jam the typewriter. “)

The following teammates take the Roadblock:

1- Ernie – who looks at the typeface to figure out the missing 1 problem.
2- Sandy
3- Marcus

After much key punching, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to use the numbers “44-715-74” to figure out their next destination. This directs teams to Turner Field, in referencing Hank Aaron’s uniform number, his home run total, and the year he broke the record in order to get their next clue. (Toyouke: “This clue is INSANE. Did you forget this group is stupid?”)

(Toyouke: “I love that I lamented the lack of clue boxes for weeks and weeks, when we were all over the world, and now back in the States they are everywhere. Now that everyone walking by can easily recognize them.”)

Teams arrive at Turner Field in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy – Cindy: “Is there an Internet?” (Auburnium0513: “AN INTERNET??? There is only one Internet?”)
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Once teams arrive, the final task begins.

FINAL TASK:

Teams arrive at Turner Field and three larger than life maps of the world. Teams use the large vertical map and rock climbing gear to map out the Race course from start to finish by looping a rope through a series of carabiners on the map, each representing a specific country. One team member was required to work on the map while his or her teammate gave help from the ground. Teams were not allowed to use notes while working on the task, and the countries on the map were unlabeled. Once completed, the teams would get their next clue. For reference, the order is: USA, Taiwan, Indonesia, Thailand, Malawi, Denmark, Belgium, Panama, USA.

(Toyouke: “Ooohhhhh. "Working without any notes". They've wised up.” Kmanpat: “See, with all of the wacky clue delivery systems, I thought those would have been the final task, as in identify the country in which you found each clue box.”)

Teams complete the task in the following order:

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

(Auburnium0513: “This seems very anti-climactic.”)

Once teams get their clue, they learn they are on their way to Swan House, the FINISH LINE of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL win the Amazing Race!

1- Ernie/Cindy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus

Four continents, 10 countries, 30 cities, 35000 miles, Ernie and Cindy, you are the winners of The Amazing Race 19! Cindy talks about starting a foundation with the money, making anyone who wins the race in the future look selfish if they don’t do the same thing.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Amani/Marcus
4th – Andy/Tommy
5th – Bill/Cathi
6th – Laurence/Zac
7th – Justin/Jennifer
8th – Liz/Marie
9th – Kaylani/Lisa
10th – Ethan/Jenna
11th – Ron/Bill

Next season: Who knows?!?!? It’s been cast, and we’ll be back soon! Until next time!


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Top Chef 12/7/11--"Higher Steaks" summary

Previously on “Top Chef”: Everyone moved themselves to Dallas and had a Quickfire outside in the middle of a field. Then they made food for rich socialites, because maybe Bravo wants to try out “Real Housewives: Dallas” or something. Who knows. Anyway, Beverly didn’t seem to share well and Ed complained a lot about his back and the lack of sophistication of these rich people and whatever else he decided wasn’t up to standards. Paul won because he listened to the clients enough to make what they wanted, but not so much that he made bad food. Like Chris C. Several people had issues but in the end Chuy went home for overcooked salmon, in a dish that was designed in such a way that he was forced to overcook the salmon. Also, I didn’t realize that Nyesha looked familiar because she was on “Chef Hunter” earning an executive chef position at a restaurant. So…does that mean she lost? She won and this is what she’s doing until she finds the space to break out on her own? I’m not sure. (click for more)

On Last Chance Kitchen, Chuy and Keith had to make steaks. Tasked by Tom to make the perfect steak, they both did very well. Sadly Keith seared his steak a tiny bit more on one side and was sent home.

Everyone sits in the hotel suite and talks about Chuy. Ed is the first person to be like “girls vs. boys!!1!” MotoChris says he’s going to concentrate on food.

Padma greets everyone with Dean Fearing. The Quickfire today is to be a saucier. Heh. Dean says this is the most prestigious position on the line in a kitchen. Nyesha says if she could pick a position, this would be it. Uh, then why did you go on that other show to be an executive chef? They draw knives for sauces. Grayson brags that she is classically trained. Each chef has drawn a knife with a mother sauce: hollandaise, veloute, béchamel, espagnole, and tomate. They must make a dish with a NEW sauce that stems from whatever sauce they picked out. Winner gets immunity.

90 minutes to cook. Padma makes a “mother of all Quickfires” joke which is kind of lame. Someone says they feel saucy. Sigh. Everyone cooks, and puts things into their sauce to flavor it. It’s pretty crazy. Dakota thinks she overcooked her scallops.

Chris C: butter poached halibut, andouille, mushrooms, and veloute made with the sausage. Ed: cauliflower milk béchamel with poached red snapper, crab, and fried oyster. Grayson: scallop, charred corn hollandaise, corn ravioli, and blueberry balsamic reduction. Paul: quail with pickled and roasted mushrooms, garlic scapes, and okra. He also was supposed to use espagnole, but when Dean asks him what color his roux was, he says he didn’t use one. Oops. Whitney: poached shrimp, fennel pilau, sautéed okra and pancetta. The tomate sauce has some of the shrimp shells, but again no roux. She says in confessional that she never does that. Heather: gruyere croquette, apple and ginger compote and Asian slaw. There is béchamel somewhere. Beverly: crab maki roll with rib eye, charred shallots, peppercorn, sake, and red wine, and espagnole. Heather bitches that Beverly always makes Asian food, but…so? Everyone has their hook. Dakota: peach infused béchamel, seared scallop, truffle, and lemon crab. Ty-Lor: hollandaise with lemongrass and citrus zest, ahi tuna and baby bok choy. I think he screwed up too. Nyesha: tomate sauce with coconut ras el hanout and braised lentils.

Dean says that Dakota used too much peach, and Nyesha used too many flavors, period. Also Beverly made some different sauce, and used her mother sauce sparingly. On the good side, Grayson managed to make ravioli, Chris C. made a great variation on his sauce, and Paul pickled things perfectly. He says that Grayson is the winner. She says to watch out.

Padma warns them that this Elimination challenge will be the toughest they’ll face. They must work as one team to make a four course steak dinner for 200 people. Wow. Ty-Lor says he’s worked in a steakhouse, but working as a team will be challenging. Two of their courses must have steak. This dinner is at the Cattle Baron’s Ball. Nice. Sarah says that these people eat steak every day. Dean says they must produce perfect medium-rare steaks. 30 minutes to menu plan, 3 hours to cook tonight, and 3 hours to cook tomorrow. At South Fork Ranch, which reference I don’t get until Heather mentions “Dallas”. Then she says someone needs to look that up “on the Google machine” and if I wasn’t already annoyed at her for bitching about Beverly for no reason, that would do it. Winner of this challenge gets a car. I’d say “Woo! Car curse!” but this show already destroyed the car curse.

There’s an extra person, so when they split up the courses, they get three on each course except for dessert, which has four. Why not put the extra person on the steak course? I would have done that to make sure as many people as possible are watching the steaks. Soup course is Sarah, Beverly, and Dakota, second course (sirloin appetizers) is Ed, MotoChris, and Paul. Third course, which is the rib eye, is Nyesha, Ty-Lor, Whitney, and Chris C. I thought Paul just said that four people were on dessert? Maybe they have some sense after all. Dessert is Lindsay, Heather, and Grayson. Ed is the “secretary”. He says that Heather is making the same cake she made for the quicianera, but what we didn’t see then was that it’s Ed’s recipe. He is not pleased that she is using his recipe again.

Product placement car commercial.

45 minutes and $4000 to shop. Wow. They seem to be destroying the store. Ty-Lor talks about his dad and inspiration and they show pictures of him while he was small. Whitney finally gets some screen time and says she’s making potato gratin. Nyesha is making two parts of the entrée.

Cooking. The soup is going to be tomato watermelon gazpacho. Sarah thinks that with two meat dishes this will be a nice break. The appetizer course is seared NY strip steak carpaccio and salad. Main course is rib eye (Ty-Lor), “greens” (Chris C.), sauce and compound butter (Nyesha), and potato gratin (Whitney). Heather starts talking about how Beverly is cleaning shrimp, and it’s taken her three hours, and she’s so selfish because she’s just saving her own ass, and aren’t Heather and Beverly on different courses? Or did I mix up Sarah and Heather again? Because why are you so concerned with what Beverly is doing when she wouldn’t be helping you anyway? Whitney is not going to cook her gratin tonight, which worries Ed. Ty-Lor is using a paring knife to poke the marrow out of bones when he puts the knife right into his hand. Yikes. It looks like he stabbed himself between two fingers, and he’s basically telling the medic how it’s going to bleed a lot, and he’s not going to stop, and she should patch him up. He sounds like a total jerk but I wonder how much of that is him trying not to freak out. They wrap his hand up, and he goes back to work and he’s worried because he’s the one responsible for the steaks tomorrow.

After prep he I guess goes to the hospital, and everyone else sits around and tries to come up with a solution to who is going to cover for him. No one will step up to take over for him. Lindsay thinks it’s because of what happened with the first group challenge, which is that Lindsay and Sarah got bossy and they got in trouble for it. At least somewhat. She doesn’t offer either, though.

In the morning, Ty-Lor finally returns to the hotel with four stitches. The hospital was busy, and he was not a priority. He’s going to be running on espresso.

OK, Bravo, that is the worst fake-ass “Dallas” music I think I’ve ever heard. Heather interviews that she finished baking last night (not “we finished”, but “I finished”) so she and Lindsay are pulling plates and apparently “organizing everybody”, which involves reading off a to-do list and shouting. I get that someone needs to set tables and that’s good. I just think the other people can figure out what their courses need and don’t need. MotoChris is searing steaks, but he’s shocking them in liquid to stop the cooking? He also manages to burn a pot holder. Whitney is redoing some of her gratin, because the potatoes turned brown. She thinks she has time. Heather complains about Beverly, who is prepping shrimp, and tells her to move her station closer to the stove so she can cook easier. No one put you in charge, Heather. Heather is now pretending they are a 13 person team, which is ridiculous. You can’t say “I finished the cake” and then say “we’re all a team”. The judges won’t give all of you a car. You know that if Lindsay and Grayson get cars too she’ll bitch about that. And where is Grayson anyway? If you’re so far ahead because the cake’s done, what’s she doing? Don’t hear you whining about her. Dakota tells us Heather’s a bully and “the first person that I would boot from the island”. Oh totally, she would be that one person that starts giving orders about how to make the shelter and where it should be, and how people are drinking too much water, and they’d get rid of her quick.

Tom time! Heather tells Tom she has the most pastry experience out of everyone, and it’s the smartest thing because now she and Lindsay can “execute and expedite”. So in case you were wondering, she purposely put herself on dessert and made dessert early so she could spend today telling everyone what to do. Dakota is making garnishes, and she made mousse too. Dean asks Whitney something about making potato gratin in a double boiler? What? Ty-Lor says he’s marking the steaks on the grill and finishing in the oven. Tom looks slightly skeptical. Beverly says her shrimp are perfect.

Guests arrive and schmooze. This is a giant fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. Heather checks on Ty-Lor, who is manning several grills, outside, where it is 112 degrees. That sucks.
Hugh is here. Woo. Sarah introduces the first course, tomato-watermelon gazpacho, poached shrimp, and avocado mousse. There’s not a lot of watermelon, and Tom thinks it’s too safe. Second course is being plated, and suddenly Lindsay is freaking out about the third course. Second course: New York strip steak carpaccio, heirloom tomato salad, pistachio vinaigrette, and mushroom “bacon”. Tom is irritated at the lack of focus. Hugh says with this much time, they should have peeled the tomatoes.

Lindsay claims that no one would decide when the steaks should go into the oven, so she had to do it. I think it’s because everyone thought Ty-Lor was in charge of steaks, and he’s outside. He does know that he’s depending on everyone else to finish the steaks properly. People start to plate, and then suddenly Heather says they should wait. She interviews that people are still eating the appetizer, so they shouldn’t get the steaks ready, but timing is an issue. Heather is still telling people what they should do and Paul tells her the steaks are already in the oven. Yeah, should have thought about sooner. Heather tells people everything will be fine. Ty-Lor is pissed. A kitchen timer goes off in the kitchen, and is that how they knew when to serve what courses? Does that mean they knew when they would be serving the steaks? What is Lindsay doing then? Ugh, Judges’ Table is going to be stupid. Nyesha hopes her contributions will be strong enough. Grilled rib eye, creamy potato gratin, braised greens and compound butter. The steaks are not all medium rare, and the gratin is not cooked. The judges do distinguish Nyesha’s good contributions. Heather is telling people about how to plate the cake, and she says this: “At this point we have nothing to do except focus on getting my cake out the door.” MY cake. So you’re going to spend an hour complaining about how Beverly is not a team player, but it’s your cake. “Right side up” Texas peach cake, peach salad, and candied pecan streusel. Sadly they love the cake. Tom expected a lot more from them. Ty-Lor thinks he’s going home because the steaks didn’t all come out the same. Whitney knows her gratin wasn’t good.

Commercial interlude: apparently Beverly has considered Ed her idol for a long time. She tells him how she used to stalk him. Creepy.

As everyone waits in the “Stew Room”, Heather wants to talk about what happened with the steaks. Ty-Lor takes responsibility, which is too bad because from what we saw, clearly Lindsay was the one who fired everything early. Heather asks if everyone pulled their weight and then tells Beverly to her face that she didn’t do enough work. Shut up, Heather. Beverly stands up for herself and says peeling and deveining 400 shrimp will take a long time. Heather then threatens to throw her under the bus if she needs to. Heather also thinks she and Lindsay are in trouble because they were responsible for execution of the whole banquet. Beverly brings up an excellent point (sadly, only in confessional) that her taking so much time to prep shrimp had absolutely nothing to do with screwing up the steaks. More whining from Heather. Padma collects Nyesha, Heather, and MotoChris. Damn, I wanted Ed to jump in somewhere and call Heather out on using his recipe. MotoChris cooked the steak carpaccio perfectly. Heather’s cake was well done. Nyesha’s butter saved the dish, according to Tom. The winner is Heather. Are you serious? Car curse! She was such a bitch to Beverly and now she’s all smiles.

Ty-Lor, Whitney, and Ed get called out. Well at least Beverly didn’t get called. Whitney randomly reminds us Hugh is her mentor. Oh, Ty-Lor knows why he’s there. You don’t have to ask him. The steaks were inconsistent and Tom thinks he had the time and manpower in the kitchen to grill the steaks and avoid the oven in the first place. Ty-Lor says the steaks were fired at the wrong time, but the buck stops with him. Whitney wanted something traditional, even though it was so hot outside, but it was raw. And then she served it raw when she should have noticed that. Ed made the salad for the carpaccio, and Tom thought it was too safe. Ed thinks no one wanted to take over anything, and Hugh supports having someone get bossy and order people around. Whatever, Hugh. Although, apparently because I am in an alternate universe, Hugh on his blog agrees with me about Heather.

Ty-Lor is pissed because he thought he should have been able to execute steaks. Lindsay keeps her mouth shut. Whitney took 6 hours to make undercooked potatoes, and any chef should know how to make gratin. True, I probably could do it. Ty-Lor should have grilled the steaks and they would have been good. Ed didn’t do enough and Tom thinks he underestimated his audience.
Tom complains about everyone, and then says he’s thinking maybe he picked the wrong chefs at the beginning of the show. Whitney is sent home. I barely know who she is! They never gave her any screen time. She’s proud of herself.

Next week: double elimination, Heather gets paired with Beverly (OF COURSE), Heather bitches at Grayson. Shut up everyone.

Last Chance Kitchen: All the eliminated chefs are hanging out to watch Chuy and Whitney make burgers. Of course, because this is Top Chef, a random knife draw determines that Chuy’s burger is ostrich and Whitney’s is elk. Both of these proteins are lean and dry. Everyone is making aioli and Keith reminds Whitney to put pans on the burner. And Chuy. No one thinks they’ll be done in time, but everyone finishes. Chuy: ostrich and ground pork burger with Fresno chili aioli and onion straws. Tom doesn’t think he can fit it in his mouth. Also it seems to not be as cooked as Chuy claims to have wanted it. Whitney: elk and pork sausage burger, shallots and garlic, and a fried egg. After Tom has his tasting he invites the boys to come have some too. That was nice. Tom asks around, and Keith says Whitney’s burger had more flavor. Tom agrees, so Whitney gets to stick around. Clicky clicky

TAR19, Recap Leg 11, 12/4/11

Welcome to Leg 11! Last time, on Sprouting Up All Over Belgium, teams raced through Belgium. There were cars and waffles and rafts. Ernie and Cindy lost their lead. Again. Andy and Tommy won the leg. AGAIN. And Bill and Cathi were eliminated. Who will be eliminated . . . next? (click for more)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Andy/Tommy, The Snowboarders
2nd – Jeremy/Sandy, Team Tryout
3rd – Ernie/Cindy, Team Chinatown
4th – Amani/Marcus, Team Football

Atomium, Brussels, Belgium

The teams slept in the Atomium all night!!! (Toyouke: “I would much rather sleep in the Atomium than customize a car online that I can't have for another two weeks.”)

3:46 AM Andy/Tommy (1st) – (Toyouke: “I guess Andy and Tommy are not as irritating as past teams. Such as Team T-Tow. Or Flo.”)

Clue: Teams should dress in the costumes provided in the box. Once in costume, teams travel to Rue de l’Etuve 37 and find the pictured character (Tintin) and describe to him who you are dressed as and what you do. (Detectives Dupond and Dupont)

(Toyouke: “Uh...what? Although, Tintin is hot.” Kmanpat: “I second that emotion!”)

4:20 AM Jeremy/Sandy (2nd)
4:35 AM Ernie/Cindy (3rd)
4:40 AM Amani/Marcus (4th) – (Toyouke: “Them in the cab giggling and Marcus trying to stop so he doesn't lose his mustache? Hilarious.”)

Teams arrive on Rue de l’Etuve in the four o’clock hour and start asking locals who they are dressed as. (Toyouke: “Yes, let's ask random people who are on the street at 4am. They'll totally recognize comic book characters. If you went to any random city in the US and asked people questions at 4am, you would probably not get any help whatsoever.”) They are provided with various translations of the names, and Andy and Tommy find internet kiosks and determine that they are Charlie Chaplin. (Toyouke: “Seriously they look like Charlie Chaplin.”) Obviously, they are wrong. Anyway, teams get their clue from the ever adorable Tintin in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy

Teams are now instructed to take a train to Amsterdam and go to the airport to fly over 4000 miles to the city of Panama City, Panama! Once there, teams were to make their way to Puerto Cerado and take a boat to Parara Paru and locate Embera Village to get their next clue.

We find that the Tintin clue had no bearing on the teams, as they all make the same Amazing Dotted Red Line to Amsterdam and Amazing Red Line to Panama City.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

Teams arrive at the motorboats in the following order:

1- Jeremy/Sandy
2- Andy/Tommy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Ernie/Cindy

Teams find that there are NOT hours of operation and the motorboats will drive them in the middle of the night to their destination. (Toyouke: “I am totally expecting creepy pictures to jump out at them like in Willy Wonka.”) So, they arrive at the village in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Amani/Marcus – Marcus: “We’re going to get a crash course in head shrinking.”
4- Ernie/Cindy

Teams arrive and are invited to sign up for tattoos in three time slots.

7:00 AM
1) Andy/Tommy

7:20 AM
1) Jeremy/Sandy

7:40 AM
1) Amani/Marcus
2) Ernie/Cindy

And then teams spend the night on hammocks in the village.

Teams wake up in the morning, and go and get their tattoos, which is their next clue. (Toyouke: “Oh, this isn't a tattoo. Weak sauce. At least poke them some.”) Teams are now headed back to Panama City to locate the San Francisco Bay Towers.

Teams arrive back at the port in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And then teams taxi to the San Francisco Bay towers to arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And once they arrive, teams get the twelfth roadblock clue. (Toyouke: “CLUE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, I MISSED you!!”)

ROADBLOCK:

“Who wants to walk in rarified air?”

(Kmanpat: “In reality, this should read, “Who GETS to walk in rarified air?” as they tell us exactly which team members are taking the roadblock.” Toyouke: “It looks like the 6-Roadblock-rule is still in effect. But if Sandy's done 5, and Jeremy's done 6, then after this one they'll be even. So does that mean there aren't any more Roadblocks? Or what?”)

In this roadblock, one team member must travel 35 stories into the air and walk a tightrope between two buildings in order to get their next clue. Roadblockers then walk back across the rope to unsuit and return to their partner where they can open their next clue.

The following teammates take the Roadblock, because they have to:

1- Andy
2- Sandy - who is afraid of heights.
3- Cindy
4- Amani

It is interesting to note that Ernie spots the taxi drivers talking. Jeremy remarks that his cab drier knows where he is going after the Roadblock, and then proceeds to tell the other ones. (Toyouke: “See, that's why you don't discuss directions where everyone else's taxis are.”) This could provide for interesting leg endgame.

After much tight rope walking, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

Teams are now instructed to find the man who had “success in Suez” located “beneath a rooster.” (Toyouke: “A real clue clue! It's like they decided in this leg to go old school. Or maybe Panama insisted.”) This directs teams to the Ferdinand de Lesseps Statue to get their next clue.

Teams arrive at the statue in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Jeremy/Sandy
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Amani/Marcus

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Filet OR Sole
*Water: Teams travel to El Mercado de Mariscos and deliver specific amounts of fish to each of the marked vendors. Once complete, teams return to the fishmonger and get their next clue.
*Waffles: Teams travel to the Salsipuedes Market and find Tacho Cuterras to use one piece of leather to make one pair of traditional sandals. Once complete, the cobbler will give them their next clue.

1- Andy/Tommy choose Sole
2- Ernie/Cindy choose Sole
3- Jeremy/Sandy choose Sole
4- Amani/Marcus choose Filet – but end up at Sole because their cab driver had been communicating with everyone else’s cab driver. Instead of performing the task, they took the risk to be delivered to the actual task they picked. (Toyouke: “No! When you stumble on the other Detour choice you do it instead of losing more time by looking for the one you want! Although, if you're in last and everyone else is doing the same Detour choice, I can see that.”)

Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy
2- Amani/Marcus
3- Ernie/Cindy
4- Jeremy/Sandy

Teams are now instructed to make their way to the Polera demonstration in Cathedral Square to find the name of their Pit Stop. We are told that the clue can be spotted written on one of the dresses or pictured on a medallion.

Teams arrive in the following order:

1- Andy/Tommy – who arrive first, and determine that since the medallions all say Balboa, they must be looking for Balboa. (Toyouke: “See? This is too tricky of a task for this group of racers. Because if I saw the word "Balboa" and I knew that was what the money was called, and I saw the word on COINS, I might think twice about it.”) So their driver takes them to the Panama Canal and the Balboa Statue (Toyouke: “Oh, Balboa was a thing that exists? That sucks.”) before they return to take another look. In the meantime, the other teams have come and gone.
2- Amani/Marcus – they go with the Balboa clue, but are redirected by their cab driver who is following . . .
3- Ernie/Cindy – who also have the Balboa clue, but are redirected by THEIR cab driver who is following . . .
4- Jeremy/Sandy – who found the medallion with the picture of Panama Viejo on it. (Toyouke: “Sandy, stumbling on the right answer.”) They told their cab driver, and you can determine the rest. (Toyouke: “Not one of these racers knows if they're right or not. That's not a good task.”)

(Toyouke: “Wait...so Ernie and Cindy, and Amani and Marcus, are now going to the right place because Jeremy and Sandy's cab driver told their drivers where to go. But they didn't actually have to solve the clue. That is DEFINITELY not a good task.”)

Once teams find their clue, they learn they are on their way to Panama Viejo, the PIT STOP of the eleventh leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Jeremy/Sandy – who win a trip for two to Turks and Caicos.
2- Ernie/Cindy
3- Amani/Marcus
4- Andy/Tommy

(Toyouke: “Although I don't mind the snowboarders are out, in particular, I don't like how it happened. Because it seemed to happen because Andy and Tommy went off on their own. Everyone else collaborated, and finished through no effort of their own. Ernie and Cindy, and Amani and Marcus, they didn't figure out the clue. So they should have driven around and gone back and so forth like the snowboarders did.”)

And Andy and Tommy’s luck due to other team stupidity has finally been thwarted by intelligent Panamanian cab drivers. Andy is thankful he experienced God’s awesome creation.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Jeremy/Sandy
2nd – Ernie/Cindy
3rd – Amani/Marcus

Next week: The pressure is on in the final destination city of Atlanta! There is flight simulation, a typewriter roadblock, and a final task featuring maps and carabineers. Who will win TAR 19? Until next time!

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