Project Runway All Stars 1/5/12--"Return to the Runway" summary

Previously on Project Runway: oh, many things. Many, many things which upset many, many people. But most of these people you’re about to see again are from before the show moved and the judges started smoking so much crack. Can we survive without Tim? That is the important question. (click for more)

Oo, the prize is $500,000. Nice. Also, how is it possible that Austin Scarlett’s facial hair makes him somehow look LESS butch?

Mondo! Mondo should have won, but he has short shorts on and he looks fab. Michael Costello. Really? All Star? OK. Mila, Anthony (yay), Jerell (who has also grown a little goatee), all talk about how great they are. Elisa! Love her crazy time! Austin says someone had to put the “star” in “All Star”. Hee. Also, your hair is tall. Boo, Kenley. She says she’s totally fine with everyone hating her. Oh well, guess we do need a villain. Everyone is carrying around garment bags for some reason and “running into each other” “by accident”. Rami looks pretty good. And Sweet P! Gordana! Gordana is worried about Sweet P and Mondo being competition.

Everyone goes to a club and looks around and is greeted by Angela Lindvall, who will be playing the part of Heidi for the duration, only without an accent. April Johnson? …OK. There are a couple of people that I didn’t expect to see. Angela says there will not be any immunity for the whole competition. Winner gets their own boutique in various Neiman Marcus stores, and online, fashion spread in Marie Claire AND guest editor position for a year. Kara Janx says she would love to be guest editor. I love Kara. You also win a gang of industrial sewing equipment and fabric printers, $100,000 in HP software and so forth, and then on top of all that, $100,000 from L’Oreal. So the $500,000 is the total value of all the prizes. Angela promises a clean judging slate, and then introduces the new judges, Georgina Chapman and Isaac Mizrahi (obviously he is there to be Michael Kors).

Everyone was tasked to bring a recent creation with them, which explains the garment bags. They have 30 minutes to dress their models and then they’ll have a runway show. Hope you can all alter the clothes in half an hour! Everyone talks about who they are threatened by. It’s nice to see people respect their competitors.

Jerell: it’s a maxi dress, with a deep V and a ton of Jerell wickety wack trim. Mila: leggings and a loose dress, half beige and half vertical stripes. Kenley: royal blue ball gown with a sweetheart neckline and a mullet hem, only underneath the mullet hem is white tulle. And a giant white flower on one shoulder. Let me just tell you, I paused the screen on this dress and I don’t even have to unpause it to know whose dress it is. Austin: turquoise gown with a deep V and a ton of origami folds on one hip. Also this pearl of wisdom: “We’re born naked, but as humans, it’s our nature to EMBELLISH oneself, to beautify ourselves, and I just take it to the highest level possible.” Elisa: short white dress with a design painted on, and wings. No really. The model spreads her arms and there are wings. It’s pretty though. Rami: a Rami folded textural short dress. Not draped though, so that’s something. Gordana: dress with a mullet hem (sigh) but the top is cool. It’s got sculptural shoulders in shiny red, and a piece on her chest that looks knitted maybe? I know Gordana knits. April: little black dress with long sleeves. Anthony: bright green short dress with lots of folds and one shoulder and a bejeweled giant safety pin? I think that’s what that is. Michael: makes a comment about how hot his model is. It’s a long maxi dress that is vaguely shiny. Mondo: short full skirt, and a long sleeved blouse with a high collar, in a black and white print. And a fascinator.

Some people have not changed at all. The judges talk in very general terms about how great everyone is, and then Angela sends them to their “penthouse suite” to chill. First challenge tomorrow. Elisa jumps on the beds. Then she kisses the nice white duvet to mark what bed she wants. Heh. Michael finds a remote control with a note to hit play, and he immediately starts scanning the room to decide what he’s going to use to make a dress. Ha! Totally. Giancarlo Giammetti (who is Valentino’s partner and of course Austin recognizes him on sight) comes onscreen and invites them to a museum? And then Valentino himself shows up and tells them don’t forget to be awesome! Seriously, people are moved to tears. Champagne drinking and then I assume bed.

Field trip time brings everyone to a dollar store for the unconventional materials challenge. Woo! I love the unconventional materials challenge. The “All Stars Twist” is that they must be inspired by the look they showed yesterday. Whatever. I mean…probably they won’t care. Plus they get $100. 20 minutes to shop means a lot of running. April says she needs a “clusterfuck” of mops. Remember that for later. A group of mops is a clusterfuck. Sweet P is just taking anything bright. Mondo is trying to stay away from cloth. Michael has also bought a clusterfuck of mops. Sorry, but that is hysterical. April is not worried, but Michael thinks she might show him up because she’s so good.

The NotParsons workroom is nice. Neiman Marcus accessory wall, HP tablets, etc. You know the drill. Later Joanna Coles will be here because she is Tim. I know, right? I did read though that she was very aware that she is not Tim and so didn’t try to be Tim. They have until 10pm tonight to finish.

Elisa puts her cutting mat on the floor and sits under her worktable to sketch. Mila sort of makes fun of her, but Anthony says he totally will give her a pass because he had a grandmother who was “committed to the crazy house” so Elisa is just fine. Michael is sort of making draping but it involves sewing each mop strand one by one. Jerell tells him that April’s dress looks just like his.

Joanna strolls in, and I’m struck by her resemblance to Tabitha who is awesome. I hope she is fun. Sweet P has towels. Joanna asks her if there is anything that will wow the judges, but she doesn’t really have anything but towels. Gordana is doing well, at least Joanna thinks so. Mondo says it looks like a piñata, which was kind of bitchy, but then he says “I hope her model is full of candy” which is funny. Mondo, naturally, has no idea and says he’s not in competitive mode yet. Joanna makes Elisa promise not to spit at her. Hee.

Austin freaks out a ton and says his glue gun has melted a hole right in the front of his plastic dress. He has vapors, but it seriously is jacked up. Michael gloats that this might be the end of Austin. Shut up, Michael.

Day of the show. Lots of running around. Austin patches his dress and seems to be satisfied with the result. Hair and makeup. Hot makeup guy! Yay!

Angela comes out wearing a short shiny dress, so I guess she has been taking notes on Heidi. Guest judge is the senior VP of Neiman Marcus, Ken Downing. Austin: short dress in clear and turquoise plastic, with a weird peplum/ruffle right at her waist. And exposed midriff. Kara: black skirt with a mullet hemline and a strapless bustier in pink. Somehow this involves pans? I don’t know. Maybe the shiny belt. Jerell: it looks like a Jerell dress, all scarves and short skirt with a long dangly piece and complicated straps and a keyhole and whatnot. So it looks like his first one, anyway. Elisa: bright pink hot pants and a bustier, and huge bell sleeves with words on them. She’s so cute. Rami: short skirt and top with huge giant rolls of shopping bags or whatever they are. It’s very stiff, and she looks like she has football pads on, because she has huge giant shoulders. It’s weird. Sweet P: long skirt in horizontal stripes and a simple halter top with belts. Mondo: little black dress with ruffles on the skirt and a sleek top, and bow on her belt. Made of trash bags, but it looks pretty good. Kenley: short wrap dress with one side blue and one side white. It’s stiff, and there’s a loofah on her head. Gordana: very full short dress made of streamers, cut in little tabs, and a high flat neckline. It looks cute and she does not look like a piñata. Anthony: short, magenta dress with a halter neck and a slit keyhole in the front. It’s made of crepe paper with gold safety pins making embellishment. It looks good. Mila: shiny striped tunic and leggings. It has a weird hemline. Michael: long dress that actually looks like real fabric instead of mops, but the front of the dress comes up in the front like an inverse V neck. It’s heavy. April: long dress with the skirt all loose from about mid-thigh down to the floor so it’s all fringe. It’s sculpted well on top.

Austin, Mila, April, Anthony, Kara, Kenley, and Michael are all safe. Rami was going for tweed and lots of volume. Isaac loves the execution, and Ken thinks it looks like real fabric. Sweet P has a ragged dress, Isaac thinks, and then she turns around and there is a weird cutout. Under the belt, there is about a handspan’s worth of bare skin. Weird. Jerell’s dress moved well, and upon closer inspection the neckline is very interesting, although the rest of the top says “look at my boobs!” Elisa talks about sacred geometry and how there’s a story on her sleeves and stuff. They seem to enjoy that her clothes have stories and are interesting. Mondo’s dress is fun and not serious, and executed wonderfully. Isaac praises his proportions. Gordana has straps out of steel wool? Georgina worries she had too many things going on.

Rami pulled off his look, and it looked expensive. Isaac worries that it’s too similar to yesterday. Mondo mad a black dress, but it was very interesting and the hat was fantastic. Jerell didn’t push boundaries, maybe, but the dress he did make was made well. Sweet P’s dress was eccentric, but not enough to look intentional. Gordana was smart to use streamers because they moved, but then she had too much time and started putting other things on it and that was not a good idea. Elisa might not be up to par. She takes too long to explain her looks, people should get it right away.

Jerell is safe. Rami wins. Eh. He says he proved he can construct as well as drape. Mondo is in. Gordana is in. Sweet P is in. Aww, Elisa. She’s totally satisfied with what she made.

This season: dodge ball, crying, a mostly naked hot boy, famous people and Muppets, Isaac and Austin bitch at each other. Oh, THAT fight is going to be epic.