Previously on “Project Runway”: First things first, Caycee was the first person eliminated. They're going to keep this cliffhanger shit going all season, in case you were wondering how things were going on the new network. Then we kept the teams, but since Ethan won he was allowed to trade one person out from his team. He chose to get rid of Jesus and take Madeline. It means if there is any twin drama, it's on the other team. Then teams had to make athleisure looks that supposedly could be worn to cocktails. You can't have functional workout wear that can go to cocktails. Coffee maybe. Since it's a reality show, of course Jesus's new team won and Jesus was the individual winner. The implication was that no one took over Ethan's team so they didn't have direction, whereas the twins, while bossy, did force everyone to conform and be cohesive. Whatever. Also we continued with the chyrons counting down to the next event (Christian's visit, model fitting, whatever). I think if we're going to constantly update us on time left, you should give us the challenges in number of hours and not days, and then every chyron is just “X hours left”. Alex, Angelo, and Veejay are the bottom three, and they don't seem to narrow it down immediately like they did last time. (click for more)
OK back to waste time because we can't do eliminations properly. Veejay is in. Alex had a corset top and some weird pants. Angelo was boring. Angelo is in. Interesting. In the Scrap Bin Alex is saying she deserves to go home which is also interesting. The whole group surrounds her and chants her name while they jump up and down for some reason. No Save. Christian addresses the remaining designers and says there haven't really been clear leaders in either challenge. Haven't there? Wasn't that the whole point of the last judgment, that Jesus was “leading” and without him the team can't win because they aren't cohesive? Whatever. Since Ethan and Jesus won the first two challenges they are going to be leaders. Veejay is like “not another team challenge” and same girl same. Belania jumps off the couch and screams “The tea is hot as FUCK” which is not how that phrase works. Ethan announces that he always wanted to start his own house, I assume drag house. Jesus is now claiming to know Ethan is talented.
In the morning there are three burlap sacks on the runway. Heidi says they're fabrics that are considered boring. There is some sponsor but they're not paying me so I don't care. Anyway, use boring fabrics but make something interesting. Your house will all have to use one of the bags. Jesus naturally wants to work with his brother, but he thinks Ethan will choose him just as a strategy thing. No, I think Ethan doesn't want to have anything to do with either of you. Ethan wisely put the two of you on the other team to have your drama and be loud over there. Ethan phrases this in confessional as “Jesus and Antonio love to be heard”. True. Ethan wants a chill group.
Ethan gets to pick first, and he takes Yuchen. Jesus naturally picks Antonio. The teams shake out as Ethan, Yuchen, Joseph McRae, Joan, and Angelo; and Jesus, Antonio, Madeline, Veejay, and Belania. Jesus does not explain why he picked Veejay after bitching about her for a whole episode. He gets to pick his fabric first, and ends up with “wool”. I guess it's boring, in that it's a mostly generic gray-green color, but from here it does look like high quality wool. Ethan ends up with denim. The chyron says “one day challenge” again but who knows. I'd like to know what the third bag was. Also Sofia Vergara will wear the winning look. At least she managed to wait until after the episode aired, HEIDI. Literally yesterday she's out and announcing whatever look and designer and it's not even this episode. Meaning she spoiled an episode like two weeks from now or something, AND I know that designer has to stick around until at least whatever episode with the design she wore. OK Christian does explain they have the rest of today and three hours tomorrow. That sounds much more like the standard one day challenge time frame.
Jesus announces to his team that he wants a name for the house (I guess House of Jesus doesn't cut it) and it's going to be Catalina. This is the name of a flower but I am pretty sure no one in the US is going to see it and not think of the city. But I guess he can call his group what he wants. He wants everyone to make volume and base it on the flower? I think? Veejay doesn't know what the flower looks like and Jesus is irritated, but he should have seen that coming. Veejay isn't girly so she's quizzing people about their inspiration because she's not thrilled about basing her design on a flower. Jesus is now pissy, but honestly you spent the whole first episode complaining about how she wasn't a team player and you could have taken Angelo or Belania instead. He is in charge, but you are going to have a hard time getting everyone to do a good job if you pick an inspiration they're not familiar with. Jesus straight up tells Veejay they need to know what she's doing because it has to match everyone else, and he does at least have the sense to try to sell her on the idea that maybe she's got an amazing idea and they're all going to copy her. It kind of backfires, because in confessional she says she's not giving away all her secrets.
Ethan has decided House of Ethan can be shortened to “HOE” and that the theme for their collection is “showstoppers”. This sounds great on paper but his team is not sold. I think also “showstoppers” is too vague. At least Jesus talked about a specific flower. Ethan wants fringe, and Joan is really not sold, but Ethan is in charge. It looks like everyone sketched for a couple of minutes and then Ethan is picking out which sketches they should do. Interesting. So you let people design their own stuff, but then you can make sure it's cohesive? No one is outwardly fighting him, but Joan especially is not sold.
Christian time. There is not very much done, but it looked like they had under three hours before he arrived so there isn't going to be a lot done. Jesus has a coat which has to be perfect if there is no other garment. Belania is making pants and Christian is mocking her because it's boring. Then she starts talking about having dyslexia which I'm not sure how that relates to design? I guess. Antonio has the finale gown. Veejay gets “Wow. Okay.” and Madeline gets “chic and classic but not that exciting”.
Ethan says he is doing a sick pant and that it will stand up because he is a “master of boning”. Christian manages not to react but Joan chuckles. Actually Yuchen also has boning in his outfit but he's never used boning before. That might be a problem. Angelo is making something that maybe isn't him, and on the one hand the judges tend to hate that, but on the other hand he was just in the bottom so maybe changing things up is a good idea. Joan tells Christian she's making fringe and he says “oh God” and makes a face. He thinks it's not interesting because it's been done to death. Ethan tells us in confessional that he doesn't have the time or the bandwidth to pivot. So it's just going to have to be perfect.
Christian says make sure things like hems and zippers are perfect and then he leaves. Joan approaches Ethan to ask if he still wants to do fringe, but he basically just says it has to be interesting. Joan interviews (correctly) that “showstoppers” is not a theme. She's very concerned and honestly? This is more screen time in 20 minutes than she had in the first two episodes put together so that's not a good sign. I do notice Joan is calling Ethan “Utica” and asking Veejay's opinions about things. Ethan checks in with his team, because the last challenge Law basically accused him of letting his team fail because he didn't care. Veejay goes to gossip to Jesus about how the other team is in trouble. Yuchen's dress looks like a million pleats and folds and it looks like it weighs a ton. Jesus has some advice for Madeline that she really likes.
Model fitting. Yuchen has nothing to put on, because the folds are not sewn together. He has to jerry-rig something, and now suddenly he's being forced to put something on his model, and it's not working and he has to start over. It seems overly dramatic, like Christian ruined his design by forcing him to take it off the dressform, but he has six hours total and he was talking about hand stitching the whole thing so I'm not sure it was going to happen anyway. Ethan tells Yuchen to make something easy in his wheelhouse that isn't “elaborate”. Is that going to go with the rest of the looks? Is that going to be “not boring” and “showstopper”? Ethan is pissed because in his opinion if Yuchen would just listen to him it would be fine. Angelo has a muslin skirt, because the bottom is going to be four layers and so all denim is too heavy. Christian is worried that Angelo will run out of time and just have muslin. Multiple people on this team don't have clothes to try on and Christian is kind of freaking out. Just to emphasize how fucked they are, we are not shown a single moment of Jesus's team's model fitting.
Runway Day. The designers file into the lounge, so they can all witness Ethan show up in full drag as Utica. I knew I saw full face makeup. Interestingly the first person to get super excited is Antonio. Utica is in all black, like patent leather possibly, and heels and some kind of black wig/headpiece, with a white face and red lip. Utica is about light and “uplift”. I do love how excited everyone is to see Ethan in full drag.
Three hours to finish working. Christian appears to say he wishes Utica was walking the runway and maybe not some of these other looks. Fair. Belania is worried her team is all over her look messing with it, but she was picked last and I think she gets it on some level. Ethan can see the other team's looks and he's starting to panic.
Heidi has a long dress and a turtleneck on today. Nina is not here which is garbage but honestly this season is not looking good so of course she's not here. To be fair, it's Sara Foster who is an actual designer. Ah, Sofia's boobs are out so I guess Heidi went to be covered up.
Jesus's team is up first. All these garments are in a gray wool with a touch of green in it. For some reason the runway is covered in cut up paper? Scraps of fabric? Whatever. Madeline: short dress, the skirt is loose and there's a slit over one leg. Not up to her hip, but it's there. It's not a super full skirt but it isn't a pencil skirt. The top has a narrow keyhole but it comes up to her throat, and then there's a big collar. Like a wide thick collar that is not super tall like the avant garde looks this show loves, but it does come up to about the bottom of her ears and spread out over her shoulders. The sleeves hit just below the elbow, and are asymmetrical. They end at the elbow but then on the inside of the arm it comes down maybe another six inches. There is a button at the top of the slit in the skirt and one at the top of the keyhole, and then a square cutout in the back. Veejay: the bodice is a basic strapless bodice, straight across but with two points at her armpits. You know how a bodice would have panels? The center panel is flat, and then the two panels on the sides come up to a point and stick up above the rest of the bodice. Then the skirt is weird. In the front, there is a narrow strip of fabric I guess for modesty, that's maybe six inches wide but goes down to just under her knees. The skirt looks normal just over her hips and then the fabric narrows to this strip. Then there are triangular pieces of fabric attached at one point where the fabric narrows, that stick out kind of like fins, and then attach to the strip. It makes a sort of short skirt with two narrow slits of skin down the front of each thigh. The back of the dress looks normal, just under the knee, and I think there are two more slits on the sides from the “fins”. I'm not 100% sold but it is interesting at least.
Belania: wide legged pants and tight sleeveless top. The top is basically a vest with a peplum and kind of a wide V. I think there's a button? Around her neck, like lapels, is a long “scarf” that I think is attached behind her head and then hangs down to her knees. There's pockets in the pants and a round open back. The pants do look good and the scarf is holding a spiral shape somehow. Jesus: long floor-length coat. It has long sleeves and a straight skirt, and there is a double ruffle as lapels and then down the hem of the skirt. Like how a wrap skirt has a vertical fabric edge. It kind of looks like a big ruffle that mostly lies flat, and then a smaller lapel on top of that. The skirt has a kick pleat in the back. It looks well made but extremely heavy. Antonio: long gown with a strapless neckline and a short train. On the front of the gown is a big flower and a matching ruffle that goes around one arm and then down the skirt into the train. It's lovely but again, it looks so heavy.
Ethan's house had all denim, which at least you can reverse to get a different color. Ethan: a jumpsuit with alternating stripes of light and dark denim. Not super wide stripes, it's mostly dark with narrow light stripes to break it up. The front of the top, instead of being strapless or a halter top or something normal, is a giant upside-down U that rises over her head and is covered in denim. Like a literal keyhole that frames her head. How is anyone going to wear that anywhere? In the back, you can see that instead of the stripes it's just raw seams, where you sew and leave that little flap for texture. The back of this jumpsuit doesn't look great, I think it maybe doesn't fit right. I guess you can at least say the model doesn't have to hold up this dumb keyhole, it's freestanding. Joan: long gown, again in mostly dark denim with lighter strips. The basic shape is a sleeveless maxi dress with wide straps and a deep V. The skirt has vertical light stripes and a horizontal light stripe at the bottom hem. There is a strip of fabric around her upper arms, like an off-the-shoulder top, and hanging down from this strip is fringe. Not really fringe? Each strip is a couple of inches wide and hangs down almost to her knee, and it's all light denim. This girl also has a weird headdress that's like, some circles linked together and covered in denim. The back has a round keyhole.
Angelo: short dress with a sweetheart neckline. There is one strap over one shoulder. The skirt is square, like at her waist it sticks straight out horizontally and then goes straight down. It's in dark denim with two lighter strips down the front and a horizontal one at the hem. There's some kind of collar, maybe just a wide strip wrapped around her throat, and also a cropped jacket. She takes the jacket off immediately so who knows. There's a chain in the back? Like a wallet chain. Joseph McRae: jumpsuit with an enormous amount of volume, all in dark denim. The pants are not only wide-legged but it looks like there's boning or something in the hem so the bottoms of the legs are big circles. The waist is cinched, there's a belt or sash, and a V neck. The sleeves are also very wide, and they are wide down to her hands, not leg of mutton sleeves. The back has a matching V. You know, it's interesting without being crazy. Yuchen: so the model comes out in a belted cape that she opens immediately, so I can't tell if there is anything to it at all or if it's just a giant rectangle. Underneath this is a bandeau top and a miniskirt and knee high black boots. The top and skirt look like horizontal strips of maybe three inches wide, sewn together, with short vertical pieces like belt loops. You can see the model's underboob but I guess he did put in a zipper in her armpit so she's not sewn in. The miniskirt barely covers her ass.
House of Jesus wins, because of course they did. This wasn't an avant garde challenge, this was a “dress the celebrity” challenge. They understood the assignment. Ethan doesn't understand how they're in the bottom, but it's because Sofia can't wear any of that anywhere. The top three are Jesus, Antonio, and Belania. Everyone falls over themselves about how expensive they look and blah blah but wool is expensive. Jesus made a big coat, and somehow the fact that it's voluminous and heavy is negated by the V neck. Look this could be boring fabric but real wool is expensive and so anything basic in this fabric to me would read expensive. One of those situations where you spend a month's salary on one piece that is basic so you can wear it for decades because it's timeless. This coat is beautiful but it's also a floor-length wool coat with big ruffles and Sofia's comment that “this could look beautiful on any woman” is bullshit because you know if this was a plus-sized model they'd be screaming about how covered up she is.
Belania had a cool scarf thing and it's very cool, and somehow this is timeless. Law says he could put Zendaya in this which is true, to be fair. “Timeless” I don't know, but it is a great look. Law says it feels like something he's never seen before, and he's seen so many clothes. Belania starts crying. Antonio made a lovely gown, and I think it's heavy but sure. Law says maybe he could have trimmed the ruffle at her waist to make her waist look narrower. I think also in the back it's bunching a bit but they cut away too fast. Anyway the winner is Belania. She's freaking out which is cute.
Joan interviews that she knew they'd be in the bottom because Ethan was a terrible leader. He explains about “showstoppers” and moments and big silhouettes. Heidi says that might be true but they forgot about Sofia. Yeah, they designed for a different challenge. Joseph McRae and Yuchen are safe. I thought after all of Yuchen's drama he might be in the bottom, but I guess not. Maybe he's safe because there was all that drama. So Joan, Angelo, and Ethan are the bottom three. Angelo has a lot going on, but you can finally see the jacket and it looks like a cropped denim jacket, maybe there are stripes on the sleeves. They do like the jacket, and maybe if he'd just done the top and some normal pants and kept the jacket it would be fine. They ask the model to turn around and all the seams look kind of shitty. Joan's look is also confusing and it's not beautiful. She basically says she's an eveningwear designer and this was the direction they were given “as a team”. She's trying to be a team player, so of course she gets yelled at for letting someone else push her away from her aesthetic. But she could just have easily gotten yelled at for not being cohesive so I feel like they're just coming up with shit. As they generally do. Ethan speaks up at this point and says they were going for big showstopping moments but they did not consider Sofia which was a mistake. He admits in confessional his leadership might be the problem. Law tells Ethan that his look makes everyone think of giving birth (Heidi says a bottle opener). The back is crooked and almost too tight? It sits poorly and everyone hates it. Law thinks Utica took over this week and Ethan needed to reign it in. They are disappointed, which is fair because Ethan had the best design for two weeks. Law is pissed because the clothes are ugly and he's wasting his time I guess.
Joan is upset because it's not really her design and now she's on the bottom. Heidi thinks Ethan was only thinking of himself, and Law says Utica was here but it should have been Ethan. That's fair, but then he says Angelo is the worst which is crazy. The argument is it's a basic jacket, and the reason his outfit looks OK is because everything else is so terrible. Plus he's been on the bottom before and they say they have to take that into account. Yeah I feel like this show has never been like Top Chef where they pretend it's only this challenge they're judging on. Joan's dress is somehow the least offensive, even if no one would wear it. Law says it's between Ethan (bad leadership and the worst look) or Angelo (boring point of view and I guess poor sewing). Heidi tries to ask who would go if they didn't know who's look was whose. Then she and Law pretend they'd get rid of all three. Unlikely.
Next time: the fakest science fair I've ever seen (with such experiment titles as “Potato Power Experiment”, “Magnets”, and “Wind?”), but then immediately an Abbott Elementary cameo so all is forgiven, it's the unconventional materials challenge. People are slutty, Law shows up to yell at people in the workroom I think so that's not a great sign. I'm busy again so it'll be up some time Friday afternoon/evening.
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