Previously on “Joe Schmo”: Now that Ben has supposedly bought into this deception, the producers needed a way to isolate him from everyone. Really, an excuse for him to be alone so they could have meetings. So Ben was made the “Goatkeeper” because of course there is a real live goat. The challenge was to run out onto a narrow walkway over the pool, and then get a bell and then bow down to the goat. Your bows were recorded by you smashing your forehead into a platform and then smashing the back of your head into another platform. This was fixed so Braxton would win, but supposedly no one expected Ben to try really hard. They also were blindsided when Ben told his alliance not to vote for Ryan, who was annoying and threw the challenge so poorly everyone knew he did it on purpose. He told them to vote for Chastity and Taylor, to break up that alliance. We were told the writers had to rewrite everything to account for this, since if Ryan was nominated, Ben would know someone turned on him. So their solution was to have Agnes be eliminated, a person in his alliance, which resulted in the same thing: Ben is looking for traitors. Why couldn't they just let Ryan go home if the result (Ben being paranoid) is the same? Who knows. (click for more)
I told Kmanpat about the voting drama and he couldn't believe that after 25 years of reality TV, the producers were acting shocked that someone would vote strategically and not to get rid of the most annoying people first. It's true. Why was this not a consideration? Spoiler: this does not come up at any point in this episode.
Everyone goes into the living room to sit around and be sad that Agnes was eliminated. Of course Braxton would save Trevor. The story is Chastity has the hots for him and vice versa. Braxton has summoned tears about it. They cheers Braxton with champagne, because he had to make that decision. Trevor interviews that it's crazy for everyone, but especially for Ben. Everyone loved Agnes, so maybe that's why they did it. If no one likes Ryan, then his surprise nomination is weird but also the end result is someone you don't like is eliminated. Maybe they thought Ben wouldn't look closely enough and now that they figured out he watches reality TV they needed him to care about who turned.
In the morning Chastity and Trevor sing another garbage Life Teen song which we are told is called “Coming on Jesus”. Who wrote these songs? Because as a Catholic who belonged to a church attached to a college for 20 years? They are spot on perfect in capturing the special Life Teen blend of “singable pop song with romantic lyrics” mixed with “Jesus”. “Imma scream out/His glorious name/I'm comin' on Jesus/I'm comin'/to Heaven with You.” Give this person a raise. Anyway, the only other thing I notice during this scene is that Ben has zero rhythm.
Cat promises us that Ben's alliance will be “whittled down” as the prank war escalates. What prank war? Charles Michael put orange juice in Ryan's shoes. Are we counting Ryan's shitty drawing of Agnes and Charles Michael? Whatever. Ben goes to be the Goatkeeper and feel Elijah grapes and rake the dirt. The rest of the team finds out this episode was completely rewritten last night and they are only focusing on “the woodchipper bit”. This involves Charles Michael out-pranking the prankster, who I guess is Ryan. Charles Michael is going to throw Ryan's clothes in the woodchipper and yell “Splonk!” which is Ryan's dumbass catchphrase. So Charles Michael is unhinged and now he's going to be voted out. A producer asks Ben about this, and he has bought the story, saying Charles Michael is pissed and they might see some more sparks and drama today.
The storyline is Ben and Charles Michael will be up for elimination, and Maya is going to be important for Ben emotionally. Are we getting rid of Charles Michael because no one thought Ben would be his friend and the plan was always for him to just depend on Maya? So now we're getting rid of Charles Michael so we can go back to that original plan? Anyway, it's gonna be emotional when Charles Michael goes home so be prepared. I'm noticing we do not seem to have a contingency plan in place for if Ben falls for Maya. Or maybe we do and they just haven't shared it yet.
Everyone sits around in the bedroom and makes up songs. This one is about sins. Ben is pacing in the adjoining room when Ryan just straight up announces he'd be “most comfortable” if he lost his virginity to someone in the house. Ha! I had to pause the recording, I was laughing so hard. That's so perfect. Of course this idiot YouTuber is a virgin. Everyone stares at him and Ben comes back in the room. No one believes he's really a virgin, except for me, I'd buy it. No, then he says “Splonk!” and everyone laughs. Does he just want attention? Ben then makes some comment like “To think I almost went home” and the producers starting yelling “Careful careful!”. I guess because there's gonna be a fight? Ben thinks if he was outside of the show, he wouldn't mind Ryan so much. This is in confessional though, in the room Ryan is like “say it to my face” and Ben laughs and Charles Michael like, touches Ryan's shoulder and Ryan is like “touch me again, see what happens” and it's very dumb. Ben pulls Charles Michael away and interviews that he really hopes Ryan truly believes this shit is going to kickstart his comedy career. Because he can't possibly be this outlandish, right?
Time for the challenge, which for some reason is taking place in the same room they have eliminations in. With all the vases and the Golden Horns and stuff. Charles Michael whispers he can't be near Ryan. It's time for The March of the Goats. “A true test of brains, body, and heart”. Sure. Everyone gets a goat head on a stick. A hobby horse, like, a stick and two handles and a head. You guys know what I mean. These are big rubber goat heads and as Ben fake rides his, you can see the horns bounce up and down. Heh. Then everyone goes outside to line up, and Louis the fake producer has kept Ryan from standing near Charles Michael. Charles Michael is nervous, because this is the biggest thing that's happened so far, and he's responsible for it. It has to seem both real and warranted.
Ryan is fake bleating, which is dumb but then Louis tells him to knock it off. It wasn't that bad but whatever. Ben interviews that Ryan has put on a character and done too much, and it's affected other people. Now the fake bleating is “Be-e-e-en, be-e-e-end me over” which is eye rolly at best. But now everyone is mad and Louis makes Ryan go inside and then he tells Ben he has to go too. Louis says some very weird shit about things being damp and phoenixes. Basically he wants to know if Ben and Ryan are gonna argue like yesterday, because he's seen Ryan be a dick and he knows Ben is over it. But Ben feels like a bystander, he hasn't done anything. It was Charles Michael honestly. Ryan gets real and apologizes, saying he's been playing it up for the camera and he will take responsibility. He's worried he's gonna look terrible after this. Actually this is great acting. Ben doesn't know why he's been pulled out of line, because he's not the one who has done anything, and Ryan has gotten real about how he's just insecure and he seems to get that Ben hasn't done anything. Ben's just glad Ryan has dropped his asshole character a little bit. He tells Ryan he never lets up on Charles Michael and it affects everyone in the house.
Cue the woodchipper. As Ryan says to Ben he'd like to preserve their friendship (or create one), Louis is like “do you hear that?” Ben promises to follow Ryan's YouTube channel, as the other contestants yell for Louis and he goes back outside. Ryan and Ben do go outside, just to see Charles Michael ask Ryan if this is his stuff and yell that he got splonked. Braxton says they're all staring at Ben to see how he reacts. Ryan isn't even reacting. Then Ben is like “That had to be set up. Like, the thing's just there?” Yes, what explanation did you have for a woodchipper to be at the house? Then Ben says “This is fake, right? Dude, I'm on a show and this is all a big prank on me, right?” The producers curse and demand Louis get everyone in the house. Ben interviews that he can't figure out how Ryan's suitcase ended up in the yard in front of the woodchipper. Fair. He says this is not real.
Ryan freaks out, but he feels the only thing he can do is follow through with the script and try to get to Charles Michael. Cat doesn't know what to do, because she's heard Ben say this is fake. He does say “What is going on!?” which I choose to take as a callback to Matt and season 1. The producers tell everyone they have to go into their rooms because it's a safety issue, but that's not helpful because they're all sharing rooms. There's like, three or four beds per room. Ben knows they were in line, and he didn't spend that much time talking to Louis and Ryan. So how did Charles Michael have enough time to get out of line, go back inside the house, get Ryan's suitcase, come back outside, and start throwing things? And also in that whole sequence no producer stopped him? That's totally fair. Charles Michael ends up in the production room where everyone is freaking out. Ben is like, how does this happen? And Jessica looks nervous. She is seriously not a good actress, because she's the one laughing at every elimination ceremony, right? She doesn't looks shocked, she looks guilty. She interviews it's hard to stay in character and she won't look at Ben. Ben asks the room in general how this happened, and no one will say anything, which is a mistake. Someone should be breathlessly telling him “it was fucking crazy, dude” and coming up with a story. But this scene is edited like they all just sat there in silence like idiots. Louis is in the production room telling everyone Ben is breaking this down step by step and asking questions. No one in this room has thought about any of these details and they all appear to be shocked and clueless.
The best thing they can come up with is to send some producers into the room to talk about “dangerous behavior” and apparently to be “super lowkey” so Ben doesn't get suspicious. I feel like production being nonchalant about this would make me more suspicious. Chastity knows other people are dealing with this so she goes into “me and my brother are making up songs” mode for a distraction. This song isn't as good but it does distract Ben until production gets their shit together and gathers the contestants to make everyone go to the living room for a meeting.
So the executive producer comes in. Is this the real executive producer? Who knows. Ryan and Charles Michael are not there as far as I can tell. This guy says they all love a prank, but it's gone too far. “That was not...cool.” No one got hurt, though. Everyone should be safe, and they're working on it, I guess. He claims the challenge being canceled won't affect the gameplay, but they also haven't figured out what to do with Charles Michael and Ryan yet. Ben interviews that he misses Charles Michael, and he hopes they don't have to send him home. The producer says “don't touch other people's stuff” and leaves. Ben interviews that he was curious about how that all took place, but now he's just worried Charles Michael will go home. Really? You had several questions and now that your friend might be eliminated they're all gone from your mind? Come on. Wouldn't you ask MORE questions to keep him from going home? Everyone breathes a sigh of relief and believes Ben is no longer suspicious and everything is fine. Uh huh.
Oh, after commercial Cat admits Ben probably has a lot of questions and the writers and producers will have to suck him back into the game. Ryan is released to go back into the house but he's warned to watch it. He interviews that he wants Ben to believe he's not real, but he's' a real person. I get it, he has his fake YouTube persona that's not real, but Ryan the dude is a real person. Ryan comes into a room with Ben, Danielle, and Braxton. Ben says they were talking strategy but not Ryan. Ryan swears on his mom's life he has no alliances. No one wants him. Danielle says from now on, let's play the game, and Ben is all THAT'S the winning mentality, and they all put their hands in the center like go team. So are we in an alliance with these three now? Ben does ask him to stop ragging so hard on Charles Michael. Charles Michael is in the production room going “fuck yeah, Ben!” Heh. Ryan says he has he no longer has beef with anyone.
Ben interviews that Ryan is being more normal so they're cool. But he'd love an Advantage Token. Cat reveals there are no tokens in the house, of course. Turns out Ben and Maya are tearing apart Braxton's room, and when Braxton wants to come in, Ben is like “Me and Maya are busy” so I think Braxton is going to play it like they're having sex. “Playa playa!” Heh. Ben actually asks if he can search the room behind where they're doing his confessional interview. Someone asks Ben in interview if he's been looking for tokens, and he's like “there's no tokens in this whole place!” But everyone else has to pretend to also look for tokens. Ben says in confessional that if the show comes out and it turns out there are no tokens anywhere, he's gonna die.
As they look for things, Trevor comes up to Ben and says that due to numbers, he's gonna have to vote for Ben. He knows Ben is after him and his sister. But it's not personal. Ben's alliance is weak, but I think he does believe Trevor would be up front about this. He is looking everywhere. Charles Michael interviews that he's blown away by how much compassion Ben has for him. He has to make Ben believe the woodchipper was not staged.
Charles Michael returns to the house and Ben and Maya. He tells them one of the producers put Ryan's suitcase next to the woodchipper, so he assumed production was cool with it. Would production interfere that much in a storyline? I find that I don't want to rule it out immediately. So then production was not cool with it, it was a rogue producer, who is now fired. They gave Charles Michael a psych evaluation and reprimanded him, and “a bunch of weird Illuminati people came in and gave me a stern talking-to”. He's playing it like he's not supposed to talk about it, but he got in trouble and this is what “they” wanted. He tells Ben he's not supposed to talk about it and Ben is like “OK don't talk about it” which is hilarious. They did not expect that. Ben tells him it was a little bit overboard but now Charles Michael is his hero because that was fucking epic. It wouldn't be that bad if Ben was voted out because he's seen it all. That's all it took? I'm suspicious but sure, I guess. We're implying his hours searching for a token has distracted him.
Meanwhile, Maya is given a token in the kitchen and she goes to tell Ben. Supposedly it was in the Froot Loops bin. It's “The Headdress of Nefertiti”. Ben is thrilled because Maya deserves to win as much as he does. This token says that if you end up in Capricorn's Clamps, this token shields you from sacrifice. Ben knows he's going to be up for elimination because Trevor told him. He says don't tell Ryan about it though.
Time for The Sacrifice. Obviously the plan is for Ben to be nominated, so that Maya can swoop in and give him the token and save him. This will bond them tightly, but anything can happen. Cat says since there was no challenge today, there is no Holder of the Horns. Time to vote for people. We have not met or spoken to Danielle and she has not been assigned a stereotype personality. Is she just supposed to be normal? I don't know. Ben votes for Trevor and Chastity. Charles Michael and Ben are put into the clamps.
Ben seems seriously worried. Cat says that because Charles Michael interfered with the challenge, there is no Holder of the Horns. So they are going to pick one through “the time-honored Goat tradition, of the Basket of 'Random-acles'”. That's Randomacles, like a Greek name. They didn't even bother to get a basket. It's a shallow metal urn. Anyway, of course it's not random, because every slip says Chastity. So she gets to make the decision. Maya asks if she can play a token for Ben. Ben, meanwhile, is shaking his head and telling her not to do it. The producer “Voice of God” comes over the speaker and says the token has “been accepted” and Ben should be removed from the clamps. They hug and he's happy but he does wish she'd do what's best for her gameplay. But he tells Cat he's forever grateful and she's the coolest person in here. Maya says she can believe it because Ben is “emotionally intelligent”. What? Anyway, she's crying but I think she's really moved. So they have to replace Ben, with whoever got the next highest number of votes. That is Trevor.
Obviously Chastity is not going to vote for her brother, although that would be wild. Ben tells Charles Michael not to beg. And he just says it's been a pleasure to play with everyone, he respects Maya's decision to save Ben because he's a great dude. As he is talking Chastity smashes his vase. Rude. Ben can't wait for everyone to see how Trevor and Chastity are. After Charles Michael leaves, Ben whispers to Ryan like, oh you thought they wouldn't have each others' backs? Because they're siblings? I guess Ryan didn't think they would always vote together? Chastity interviews that she thinks Ben wants them off the show, but they're not written off until the end of episode five. Heh. Trevor claims to feel bad for Charles Michael. Ben interviews that he and Maya are inseparable, as far as trust goes. “Charles Michael is a super-cool dude, with a super-cool bunker, and a super-cool internet girlfriend”. Ha!
Next week: who knows? We had to advertise for Noah Wyle's new show.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment