Project Runway 12/15/16--"Finale, Part 1" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: ANOTHER unconventional materials challenge. Oh wait, “high fashion” with unconventional materials. Whatever, show. Anyway, then halfway through they had to make another look with regular fabric. Roberi won with some macrame. To be fair it looked cool. Then Cornelius was out, which is weird because previous seasons would indicate the Tim Gunn Save always makes the finale. But Cornelius's “fabric with shit glued on” was apparently terrible and Erin's “fabric with shit glued on” was wonderful. (click for more)

So next week is the actual finale, and I'll be out of town so I'm not sure when I'll be able to watch it and put up a big recap. But I also don't care. Tonight's episode is two hours and so is next week's. Four hours of finale. You know there's barely an hour of material here. So I probably will just find out the result and put up something. FOUR HOUR FINALE. Jesus.

Oh look, Erin is wearing her giant yellow fur coat she made in the first episode. Sigh. Six weeks and $9000 to make your collections. Ten looks. Then we cut immediately to a working montage. No goodbyes or other shit. And yet, four hours.

Tim goes to L.A. to meet Laurence. Two weeks to go. Her collection is the story of her life, but did you ever doubt it would be something like that? Laurence has always designed for herself. I think she's gotten this far on the strength of her personal style. Don't get me wrong, her personal style is great. But that's not the same as designing. She talks about having her daughter when she was 16 and the flow of the conversation abruptly halts so Lifetime can play sappy music and pretty much shout EMOTIONAL MOMENT. So artificial. Just let her talk. Anyway, she had just gotten into fashion school, and then her dad was a dick about her being pregnant. This scene is so weird. Laurence is talking normally, kind of with a dark humor about it, and then she's thoughtful and quiet with no transition between the two. Your editing sucks, Lifetime. Eventually she decided her dad didn't exist to her, and then he got sick but she didn't feel whatever she thought she should feel and so she felt terrible. And then he died and they never talked about her daughter or her dad basically disowning her. Poor Laurence. Anyway, she shows her collection to Tim, and it does not have any black in it. Jumpsuits and some jackets and tops with big shoulders. Hey, at least there's no black. Tim loves it and has no concerns that she's 60% done.

Now we meet Laurence's daughter (again) and her son who is adorable. Laurence also gives her daughter shit about how she's gonna cry but Laurence won't. Heh.

Rik is also in L.A. so Tim meets him in a bowling alley for some reason. Is Tim gonna bowl? Rik's mom and cousin are here too. Everyone is dressed up, which is hilarious because Rik's cousin has a party dress on. Rik's mom says he's been designing and cutting up his clothes since high school. His aunts helped him and are helping him now by embroidering his collection. Tim bowling is predictably hilarious but they cut it like he got a strike. Sure.

Rik's studio is pretty big. He's got some kind of Sgt. Pepper thing happening. He's made a paisley print on some denim pieces. I think the print is the embroidery. So many prints. But also dumb novelty glasses that are like, opaque 80's glasses with little circles cut out. Rik thinks this will all come together, but Tim thinks there are at least three collections here. The paisley denim doesn't go with the cream leather jacket with the vase/two faces design, which doesn't go with the crop top and skirt in dove gray with gray embroidery. “Something needs to happen and I wouldn't pretend to tell you what it is.” Thanks for your help Tim. Rik doesn't know what to do because he doesn't know if he has time to rework anything. He decides on mixing and matching and immediately Tim says that's a great idea.

Boston for Erin. Ten days left. She's wearing an off-the-shoulder shirt. Like, it seems too short to be a dress but she's wearing it like a dress? Erin doesn't have a full outfit finished. She has things but no complete looks. Oh but it's all done in her head. Erin talks about a fun positive vibe and her friends and some hand-painted fabrics. But also a shiny pink satin with bananas on it. And a top with netting she wants to put fishing lures on. And laser-cut sequins. Tim tells her she's breaking a lot of rules but then of course he loves it. OK, so to be fair it won't be boring. But there is so much shit happening and I don't think she can pull it together the way Kelly did with her weird wood print and fanny packs.

They go to lunch to meet her mom and “four of my best friends” and someone drew Tim on the chalkboard in this completely empty bar. I don't like Erin. I don't think that's a surprise. This whole scene just makes her insufferable. At least to me, it just seems more contrived that usual and like Erin is desperate to come off as some kind of super cool hipster iconoclast. Tim admits to the group that Erin's so last minute and it drove him insane. Mom says she wasn't even born on time. OK that was a good one.

Back to New York to meet Roberi. Roberi's parents and boyfriend call him from Venezuela. I hope they get to come into town for the show. Tim and Roberi hang out on a bench with a view of the city and talk about the social unrest in Venezuela and how Roberi's business was robbed three times so he had to close it. That sucks. He sold pretty much everything to be here.

Roberi's collection is...kind of boring? A dark blue sweater, an olive jacket with red trim, some hot pink pants. Tim thinks it's disjointed, like the same woman wouldn't wear all of the looks. Roberi argues that she would be headed to different places, so different clothes. He also says that the silhouette will be what holds the whole thing together, but Tim is just like, but your silhouette is basic and not innovative. Roberi insists that he wants to transform something classic into something contemporary, but Tim says if this is his career, then he's just a dressmaker. Damn.

OK time for Fashion Week. You'll notice we're barely half an hour into this stupid episode, which means for some reason we need 90 minutes for...what? So people can run around and pick three looks so the judges can tell them what to do? For last minute working? For whatever stupid twist we have this season? Sigh. Anyway, the final four show up to the apartments. Everyone likes each other this season, so that's something.

Workroom time. Everyone unpacks and I'm sad because no one is trying to sneak looks at each other. OK Erin's banana print is actually hands. Dark-skinned hands holding bananas. For fuck's sake, Erin. I really hope someone brings that up. Roberi says Laurence's collection is delicious. Rik is not participating in this tour of collections but is already sewing. Also I spy a macrame dress in Roberi's collection. Erin has a giant coat and everything has a print or giant sequins or something. She also still has like four pieces to finish. Or make entirely maybe. Tim appears to tell them about the three looks for tomorrow. You know, the three looks they always do now so you can get feedback. Tim says it's a fashion amuse bouche and they subtitle it “a tidbit!” and it makes me irrationally angry. Make people look that shit up. Anyway also you need to design a logo for tomorrow.

Tim returns for Tim Time. Roberi has tried to keep the idea of the mismatching textiles in his collection, so his three looks don't particularly look cohesive. Tim asks him how he'll defend himself when the judges ask about cohesion. I want to say that's Tim helping by making him think of it before it happens, but I think it's just Tim being jerky about it. Laurence has picked out two looks that are basically overalls, so maybe don't do both of them. Rik has his crazy embroidery, leather, and then a black and white print, so his three looks hit those three points. Erin has picked out looks based on colors, so the colors in the three looks go together. Tim kisses her ass which just makes me roll my eyes. Do you smile because it's playful, Tim, or do you smile because it's some crazy shit but at the same time the same thing you've seen from Erin a bunch of times already?

Model fitting. Makeup consultations also happen but with not hot makeup guy Scott so whatever. Everyone works and that's about it.

Runway Day. Tim can't even keep from dropping product names while trying to collect Rik from the sewing room. Laurence says Erin's collection is 100% her, which I can get behind. Everyone talks about how important this is.

There are too many commercials.

Heidi's in L.A. for a live show. Let that sink in for a minute. Heidi is not here. Why do you want me to watch this shit if the host of the show isn't even here? Supposedly she's going to be on webcam or something? Whatever. Anyway to “help out” Kors is here. Oh good. Please be an ass about everything to give my life some meaning during this stupid four hour finale. See we've started by putting on a terrible German accent to say “One day you're in and one day you're out.” Also no one will be eliminated. Also I guess Kors is the guest judge today which is fine.

Roberi: his logo says PO.PA. with some coloring in the letters. First look is a knee length skirt made out of very shiny hot pink taffeta or something. Maybe it's sheer plastic. At least it's lined, because when he was trying it on the model it wasn't lined. The top is a sleeveless mock turtleneck with horizontal stripes. There's a bib or something over her chest, so the center panel has much lighter stripes. Also sneakers. Next is another shiny skirt, this one in iridescent blue/purple, with a shell in that same striped look and a vest that hits just at her hips. That shiny material is unforgiving though. Last look is orange pants with a drawstring waist, a white collared shirt and a loose jacket, also with drawstrings. The jacket is olive and doesn't look particularly fashionable, if that makes sense. The first two looks go together but I'm not sure where this last one comes in, in that I feel like I could go buy this one right now and the other two are at least trying.

Erin: Erin just wrote her name for her logo. I guess I'm not surprised. First look is a shapeless light pink dress. It is a tent, and then the top part is that cold-shoulder look but the sleeves are also huge. So like there was a sleeveless dress and then you put big ruffles on her biceps. Also there are clusters of sparkly pink and blue sequins. Second look is the hand-painted fabric, that her friends painted random animals on or whatever. This is a maxi dress with one tier in the skirt. It's a plain outfit except for the paint. It's not as...aggressive as her looks usually are. Third look is a dark orange pencil skirt in raw silk, maybe, with big matching buttons that are sparkly. The top is a gray boatneck crop top with weird sleeves. I think she wove some plastic to make kind of a knit? So they are black puffy sleeves.

Laurence: her logo is circular and uses her initials. First look is a romper with leather straps. So like overalls, but with short shorts, in olive green, and then the straps over her shoulders are leather. That's it. Second look is light gray pants with a little bit of a bootcut, and a short sleeved jacket. The jacket doesn't have a shirt underneath, so you can see a triangle of her navel, and it's in a floral like you'd see on an old lady's couch. Also Laurence's shoulder treatment she always does. Third look is white city shorts (the kind that are fitted and come down to your knee) and a white T-shirt with pearls over the shoulders (more strong shoulders). That T-shirt is backless. It's Laurence. But those gray pants were perfect.

Rik: his logo is just one swirl of the paisley. First look is a black and white print bodysuit. Like, long legs and long sleeves and a high crew neck. Over this is a black leather miniskirt. The print is square and it kind of makes me think of the “Take On Me” video, not helped by the weird glasses. Second look is a navy leather miniskirt with a red leather sleeveless top. But then she has heels and a small round purse with a chain to go over her shoulder and now she looks like she's working the corner. That's unfortunate. The last look is a jumpsuit, although it's baggy so it looks like a trench coat. This is in the blue paisley print, and I don't think it's denim, but it looks like it's embroidered denim. They show a closeup and you can see it's wide-legged pants that hit just below the knee. Eh.

Heidi says Tim's here to take notes so they can all be reminded of how they're supposed to cater to the judges. Rik goes first. He was inspired by the 60s. He does say the jumpsuit is “denim printed on denim”. Zac tells him to “raise the octane” and also the jumpsuit is not showing enough skin. That second look is actually a dress. Huh. Heidi of course likes the second look. It's not that cohesive and the three girls look too different. Kors likes the weirdo glasses, because he appreciates weird things in a fashion show. But he needs to focus. Also the jumpsuit is terrible. Kors says cut it off and make a romper, open the neckline, also your eye shadow is bad. Jeez. Nina is nicer and says to be simple, because his best look is the simple dress.

Erin talks about her looks, and let me point out the maxi dress has a clutch purse that literally says “so clutch”. Kors likes the pink dress but hates the clutch. Thank you, Kors, for making sense. Nina doesn't think the maxi dress belongs because it doesn't look like anything she's made all season. The top with the woven sleeves doesn't quite work because the hem is pulling and isn't flat. But they love all the sparkly bullshit because of course they do.

Laurence says this collection is for a woman at different stages of her life. Kors responds that the two women on the left go together, and he loves the pearl T-shirt, but the romper with leather straps looks like Oktoberfest and it doesn't go. It's linen, which is relaxed and casual, and the other two looks are tailored and more formal. THANK YOU for making sense and giving relevant feedback that's not “it's just not you” or some other bullshit. Nina loves the floral jacket but the pants are too tight? She doesn't like it? Heidi doesn't like the tailored looks because they're not fresh. Zac tells her to have more impact and then they all tell her how great she is.

Roberi was inspired by travel. Zac likes the shiny and matte balance. Heidi isn't excited and they're all “dowdy”. Zac and Kors jump in to say it's not dowdy and not everyone likes to be sexed up all the time, HEIDI. Nina tells him not to sex it up, but it needs to look luxe and polished, and the sneakers and shitty hair don't help. Also Nina thinks the girls look pissed. It's the most cohesive of the final collections but that's not saying much.

Heidi says they all need cohesion. It needs to be special. Kors tells all of them his show is eleven minutes, and he has to get everything across in that short time. They each have ten looks which is even harder. And then Heidi sends them to the Scrap Bin where everyone mopes about how the judges didn't fall over themselves in praise.

Oh guess what? It was only 90 minutes after all. Get your shit together, Lifetime. Now I have half an hour of that stupid Fashion Shark Tank show on my DVR.

Next week: maybe this is actually two hours? Of nothing? Also I'm still predicting an Erin win.