"The Joe Schmo Show"--episode 7

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Hutch returned, because of some plausible legal stuff. And because it's more entertaining for him to come back. There was a gross eating challenge, complete with supposedly asking Matt to eat dog shit. Conveniently once he protested he was told there was a network exec there for him to talk to. The “network executive” told him if he got Molly and Ashleigh to kiss they could have their rewards. Matt was ready to ask them to go topless even. After Matt and Hutch win immunity, Kip and Molly were eliminated. Molly and Ralph made out as she left. (click for more)

Morning production meeting. Matt is unaware this is his last day in the game. Last day for everyone. The producers remind everyone to be careful, don't tip your hand. He then tells the actors that there was a situation where a production assistant brought someone into the house without checking to see where Matt was, and was seen. Everything was explained (plus you know Matt wouldn't care anyway) but this is what he is talking about in terms of being careful.

Brian tells a story about that old frat house he used to live in and how he and a guy shared a room that cost $125 a month. Split between them. Well, I mean, it's a defunct frat house and I can't imagine a frat house is a sparkling clean, intact living space. Ralph rolls in and announces to everyone that there will be an eviction ceremony right after lunch. Surprise! Brian and Hutch interview that maybe next time let Matt finish lunch so he can eat. Production calls Ashleigh away, and Matt says he's ready to vote for her. She has a BMW and doesn't deserve the money. Brian and Hutch agree, but then Brian tells Hutch he doesn't trust him at all. Nothing personal, but that's the game. Hutch isn't offended, he has his own strategy. Production calls Brian out next, so once he's gone, Hutch says they could vote for Ashleigh, which is fine, or they could get rid of Brian. The advantage to a Hutch-Matt alliance is that they are polar opposites. Matt and Brian are too similar and will “split a vote”. Did they tell everyone how the final decision was going to be made? Because I feel like they haven't and Hutch is tipping his hand. It is a good point. Matt's friendship with Brian may get in the way of his winning. Matt appears to agree, or at least admit Hutch has a point.

Ashleigh comes back (Hutch has vanished) and they talk briefly about giving interviews. Matt insists he's not here for the money. Maybe he is, a little, because he had to take off work. But other than that, he's not about the money. Ashleigh asks who he's voting for, and he says he doesn't know. She also encourages him to vote for Brian. It's not about friendship. Matt tells her he's sick to his stomach because he's been fearing this day. Ashleigh rolls her eyes and says Brian won't be mad. Also Brian's not that smart so don't think twice. Ouch. Matt insists Brian is smart, but Ashleigh responds that there are two smart people left in the game and they're both in this room. They then have an argument about if Hutch is smart. Matt thinks so, because he did have a good argument about Brian, but Ashleigh thinks because Hutch works at the mall he's dumb. Matt comes back with how he himself works at a pizza place, and Ashleigh has to cover and say that Matt has goals. Matt interviews that he knows what he has to do and it makes him sick.

Elimination ceremony. They're calling it a “sudden death” elimination ceremony. Ralph is wearing the immunity robe himself. There is a lot of time wasted with dramatic shots of everyone. Everyone votes for Ashleigh (with three different spellings). Ashleigh votes for Matt. Wow. I mean that's how it was supposed to work but I wondered if Matt would vote for someone else. I guess in the end it's not surprising he'd keep Brian. It would be weird if Matt suddenly became cutthroat. Ashleigh complains about the “boys club” and how she's the stronger of the sexes. Some advice: Matt, your weakest point is your strategy. Brian, you're a clown (he says “Thank you”) and clowns never win (“I'm not leaving now, though”). Hutch, you work at a mall and make $6.75/hour. She can't wait until she has him take her bags out to her BMW. (“I can't wait until l see your sundress walk out that door.”) Heh. She tries to ask for her plate, but it gets thrown in the fireplace. Brian jokes that he needs a tissue. Matt says he remembers being mad while watching “Survivor” and Colby didn't vote Tina out. But now he gets it. He promised Brian and now he's going to see that through. Ralph tells them the final ceremony is in a few hours. To help him, here are the eliminated contestants. Matt is kind of laughing, and Ralph explains that they'll be deciding who wins, like the jury on “Survivor”. You see? They weren't supposed to know there was a vote. Hutch screwed up. Matt tells the other two he knew from the second he woke up this morning that something weird was going to happen. He could just feel it.

The three finalists hang out in the living room. Matt interviews that he didn't think he and Brian would make it this far because they have terrible strategy. Then he says he bets the Hutch will win. Brian wisely asks the question, who is going to vote for Hutch? They haven't pissed off anyone except maybe Ashleigh. Hutch claims Ashleigh gets the game. Kip will never vote for Hutch. Hutch is still insisting Brian and Matt will split the vote. Matt is probably square with everyone. Hutch says the jury is all losers, and Brian points out that those losers are going to decide if he's a winner. Matt reminds Hutch they had a good time and they're not losers. Brian interviews that they were trying to get Matt to discuss who he thought would vote for him, and Matt is sick because he's worried about it, but Brian and Hutch are worried about the reveal. Matt makes to leave the room because he doesn't want to talk about it, so they change the subject. They do all agree that it's out of their hands now, anyway. Matt kicks back and declares that they're not getting any more good TV out of them. Heh.

The last dinner. They put out their collectors plates to eat off of. Heh. Ralph welcomes them to their last supper, and they chuckle about the plates. Ralph offers a toast to their final night in the mansion. One of you will leave here $100,000 richer. Matt says they should take one more moment of silence to appreciate what they have. In between courses, Brian asks what everyone's frame of mind is. Matt replies that like he said before, he doesn't know what's real and what's not. Like for example, was that guy really a network executive that time? Or was he like an actor or something? Everyone freaks the fuck out because they're so close. Hutch looks terrified. Brian tries to get Matt to explain himself, why he's suspicious, because when he came back from the meeting he didn't want to talk about it. Matt just kind of shrugs and says it was kind of intense and it was awkward. But he can't really explain it. Brian wonders if he should dig deeper or just let it slide, and he chooses to just drop it. They all hug each other. Matt interviews that this money could change his life, and he'd like it. He wants a house, a dog, and a girl. Awww.

The final ceremony. Ralph comes in wearing a tux and for some reason reminds them of the prizes everyone else has won. The eliminated contestants come back out. Just like in “Survivor”, the jury gets to ask a question. However it must be the same question for all three of them. Then they will get closing remarks, and then the vote. Gina asks the three finalists “If you were a participant in a reality show contest, what strategy would you implement to make it to the finals?” Gina. They ARE participants on a reality show. That's your WHOLE PLOT. Come on. Brian says the same one he used here, which is no strategy. Just be yourself. Matt says he tried to manipulate the game but failed so clearly he's a terrible strategist. He would try to be nice to everyone but that's life. Hutch would be Hutch. Of course. Earl asks if they were captured by enemies and tortured, would they give up information? Part two, what was your favorite game? How are those even related? Whatever. Matt says he would not give up information because eventually they're going to kill you, so keep your pride intact. His favorite game was the honey game where he had to be handcuffed to Molly. Brian says he isn't as brave as Earl, so he couldn't honestly say he wouldn't talk. Favorite game, licking chocolate off the model. Hutch says, no, and Hands on a Hooker.

Dr. Pat asks who would your inner child choose as a playmate? Hutch picks Dr. Pat (he says his inner child did pick her, ew). Brian says Matt, and Matt says on a fun level Brian, his “horny” inner child would pick Molly, the part of him who needs a father figure, Earl, but Kip would be fun too, and maybe Hutch to beat on. Molly asks if they would donate any of their money to charity if they won. Brian admits he'd give a very small amount to a charity close to him. Matt would love to give money away, but “I'm quite the charity case myself.” He goes on to say he gives money to charity anyway, so maybe instead of $1 he'll give $5 or $10. Hutch says, yes, to the “Hutch Needs a Sports Car Fund”. Kip makes everyone sum up their experience in an analogy. Matt says it's like seeing “Terms of Endearment” which is his favorite movie. There's comedy, drama, love, death, everything. Hutch says he's like Sisyphus. Brian busts out the Sword of Damocles. Ashleigh asks “Why should someone like me vote for someone like you?” Hutch responds “Because you don't deserve it and I do.” Brian doesn't know but he'd appreciate her vote. Matt would just like to have a nice life. She's gone on trips and seen things many of them haven't. So maybe she'd like to give him the chance to share those experiences.

Final statements. Brian tells the jury that he's not smart, but he's smart enough to know the jury's probably already made up their minds. So please vote for him, but if not, no hard feelings and he had a great time. Matt addresses each person individually. Gina, I know you voted for me, and I was hurt, but I didn't sell you out that night. Earl, I'm better for having met you and I enjoyed spending the night in bed with you and Dr. Pat, who is sweet. Molly, I gave you the benefit of the doubt the entire time and I was jealous when you kissed Ralph. Kip, I'm really glad I met you. Ashleigh, I have a lot to work on, and I think you have some things to work on too. Nothing was personal. Win or lose, I feel like I won. Hutch says you guys hate me, and I know it, but think about who played this game and who should get the money.

Ralph releases them to vote, saying they will need to bring it back with them. So not anonymous. Everyone votes. Ashleigh has to get ahold of herself before she can come back in. Everyone will stand up and explain their vote. Ashleigh voted for the only person with any potential, Hutch. Kip voted for Matt, obviously. Molly voted for the person who always lightened the mood, Brian. Gina voted for the person who never lost sight of playing the game, Hutch. Earl voted for Matt, who is squared away. Dr. Pat is last. She says the person she voted for is the most real, true to themselves and true to all of them, and deserves it the most. To Be Continued!

Next episode: the winner, and the game, are revealed. They play just the audio, which of course is supposed to sound like gunshots and violence.