Wednesday, July 13, 2016

"The Joe Schmo Show"--episode 6

Previously on “The Joe Schmo Show”: Ralph had to wear a bee costume, and everyone else had to rub honey on each other. Matt and Molly lost, so they had to stay handcuffed to each other all day. Then Molly's boyfriend showed up, slut-shamed her for wearing a bikini, and left, which set up Molly hooking up with Ralph. Hutch continued to threaten Kip with the pool, and was kicked off the show for threatening other cast members. (click for more)

Daily production meeting. Maintain today. If a producer comes up to you, stay in character just in case. Molly's going to confide in Matt, and flirt with Ralph, and Ashleigh confirms that they're playing it like Molly talks behind her back.

Ralph comes in during lunch and says two people will win immunity today, and two people will be evicted. Also he has a letter to read to them from the legal department. Essentially it says Hutch is back because the tapes showed there was no proof Hutch did anything. Because Matt did go to law school for a while, the letter had to be legally solid. Matt tells Hutch that things were nicer with him gone, but he also doesn't want him gone unless he's gone legitimately. Hutch throws food at Brian but hits Kip. Everyone points out he's a moron.

Matt interviews the director promised him he would never have to eat anything nasty. So of course this is the gross eating challenge. If everyone eats what they're served, everyone wins a TV. Well at least a bite, I guess. I think these things are real things, but I can't tell if the actual dishes served to them are actually what they are advertised as. For example, Kip is supposed to have sheep eyeballs and they do not look like real eyeballs. Everyone encourages everyone else, so they can have a TV. Everyone is successful (you don't need descriptions of this) until they get to Matt. Matt is supposed to eat dog shit. OK that is too far. Seriously? There is no way. Everyone else is hiding their laughter. Brian throws it away (because they were actually afraid Matt would go for it and they couldn't let him even though it's not real dog shit). Matt says there is no way they would serve him real dog feces, because he's not dumb. When Ralph says it's real, Matt declares the game over. A producer says there's a network executive here so Matt can talk to him if he wants. Convenient.

Ralph appears to be on the contestants' side today, saying they've earned their TVs. Upstairs there's some guy in a suit. He says Ralph's bee suit was great. Heh. Matt says others were concerned about this game that started with “rare delicatessens” and ended up with dog shit. Matt says he won't eat it, but it's not fair. Ralph says he decided to be the bridge and go-between, and the executive yells at him because he's just the host and he shouldn't tell them how to run the show. Then he says technically they can hold them in violation of their contracts. That makes zero sense. I can't imagine reality show contracts say you have to participate in reward challenges. Anyway, Matt gets pissed off, so the guy backtracks and says they aren't going to do that, he just wanted Matt to see how he was trying to work with him. They need ratings, so they need an outrageous alternative. Matt's still pissed about the contracts, saying if you're going to bring it up then go there. He's going to forfeit everyone's TVs, because he's not eating dog shit. They need ratings, so maybe Ashleigh and Molly could go topless. Then they can still win. Matt's like, I'll talk to them. Heh. Ralph says what if they don't? What else? Maybe they can just kiss? They wouldn't go for being topless. Ralph convinces everyone kissing is a viable alternative. The executive talks to Matt alone for a little bit, saying Ralph has been a series of problems and he wasn't their first choice. The plan was for kissing all along, but they didn't think Matt would agree so quickly so they had to scramble with Ralph bringing up kissing.

Matt goes back down to the table (Ralph leaves) and explains that obviously they're there for ratings. Unfortunately it's a male dominated society, so the compromise involves Molly and Ashleigh. Either they go topless, or they kiss. They will not go topless. Of course. Matt says they've done a lot worse than kiss. They are really unwilling, but they don't want everyone to lose TVs. Matt turns to the cameras and says “Make sure you get this shit” and then they have a really unsexy kiss. They both clearly hate each other, and this situation, but they won TVs.

The immunity game involves the pool and the models. Each person will cannonball into the pool to get the models wet. When the T-shirts are wet, you can read a clue to solve. Fastest team wins. Matt knows if he wins, Hutch also wins, but he'll be able to eat dinner and he would rather be immune. Hutch says the plan is for he and Matt to win, but Matt is taking forever. He's a big guy, but he's out of shape and can't run into the pool. Hutch destroys the game, but now everyone else has to pretend they suck at this game. Molly goes up next, and does a convincing job of failing. One of the times she gets out of the pool her boob is hanging out. Once she gets the clue, Kip tries to make up dumb answers and Molly blurts out the answer accidentally. Oops. Kip goes next, and basically has a life vest and floaties. He runs up and kind of falls into the pool. Matt interviews that he's sorry but it's so funny. The model can't believe it and is like “Are you joking?” Matt of course says to knock it off. Kip goes over time, and the model tries to shake the raft so Kip can't hang onto her raft. Matt's like, she's not even good looking, she can go fuck herself. Brian is a big guy, but he gave his glasses to Matt. So they fake that he can't read her back. It's a little fishy but Matt buys it. So Matt and Hutch win.

Elimination ceremony. Hutch and Matt are standing next to each other so they can share the immunity robe. Hilariously Hutch's collectors plate is a bunch of shards glued together, with several pieces missing. Then Ralph asks Ashleigh if Molly's a good kisser, and she's like “I don't know, why don't you tell us?” so Ralph just stands there and says “OK! Time to vote!” Fake votes include Kip saying he'll miss Molly's boobs, and Brian saying the TV adds 20-30 pounds. In the end Molly and Kip are voted out. Matt tried to get rid of Ashleigh again. Kip says this is like a castle, and gives everyone roles like how Brian is the jester and Hutch is the dragon. Matt is his knight in shining armor. His plate doesn't break which is funny. Molly says she cherishes every day, and then Ralph says she can take her plate with her, and then they kiss. Molly and Kip leave. Once Ralph leaves, Ashleigh says you didn't believe me about anything I said. Matt says it made him sick to see them kissing. Hutch makes fun of him for having a crush, and Ashleigh gets on him for being dumb, I guess.

Next time: a twist, and also it's set up like Survivor where the jury awards you the money.

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